Vertical baths | TheaterFire

Water gets up to your neck, all warm and relaxing. Then you rip ass and it bubbles up to the little headspace left above the water. You start gagging, get a mouthful of water and drown. It's listed as a fart related drowning event. Almost nobody attends your funeral, as word spread and you quickly became known as "Fartboy". The shower/bath company caught wind (lol) of this and sues your family for the bad publicity caused by the whole "Fartboy" thing.

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NikonShooter_PJS@reddit

This is exactly how Queen Elizabeth died.

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rosylux@reddit

I almost just snort-laughed my baby awake

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BrainyCaveman@reddit

Be happy you didn't fart-laugh.

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cabronfavarito@reddit

Man how did we get here

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mmlickme@reddit

sues your family lmao

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Mackheath1@reddit

Yep, the chronic FRDE crisis - I lost a friend that way.

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OneGladTurtle@reddit

You visiting from r/MonkeyPaw ?

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Emotional_Deodorant@reddit

Instead of standing and waiting 20 minutes for your "bath" to fill up, why not use the water to wash yourself as it's filling?

A.K.A. a shower.

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halflucids@reddit

I think they could improve the shower just make it like a car wash, have sprayers in all four directions on tracks, blasts you head to toe with water, soap, water then air dries you. People car wash is the future

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afungalmirror@reddit (OP)

Do you know what sub you're on?

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Emotional_Deodorant@reddit

First time here?

Every post has discussion/criticism of the idea. See all the other comments in your post for evidence of this.

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afungalmirror@reddit (OP)

Discuss yes, criticise rationally no.

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Emotional_Deodorant@reddit

Sorry, this might not be the best sub for you going forward, then :)

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afungalmirror@reddit (OP)

I disagree.

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Emotional_Deodorant@reddit

Good for you!

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No_Smile_2619@reddit

They do make sitting baths for the elderly and disabled

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RustfootII@reddit

Sooo, a barrel?

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idekl@reddit

Every time I showered in my parents' small square glass standing shower I wished I could just plug the drain and let it fill to my neck. You have no idea how much Ive wanted this too

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gc1@reddit

Bravo. This is a the perfect blend of unhinged and plausible within the laws of physics. It's not hard to imagine an alternate-universe society where baths are vertical and showers are horizontal.

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idiveindumpsters@reddit

How can you wash and rinse if you’re standing in water up to your neck?

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dcm3001@reddit

That is going to be very claustrophobic or use a huge amount of water. You can tolerate a bath because the top is open.

Even if you imagine the top being open for a 6’6” person, a 5’0” person is going to be in a panic inducing tube of death.

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IFollowtheCarpenter@reddit

I would worry about getting accidently locked in.

Also I would much prefer a normal shower.

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Moist_Rule9623@reddit

So instead of using 2 gallons per minute in my shower, say about 15G per day…

…you want me to use what I estimate at roughly 360 gallons of water, which is seven times the capacity of my hot water heater, and which would weigh just a tick under 3,000 pounds on the second floor of my 100 year old house?

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goombagoomba2@reddit

It's more of an alternative to a bath than a shower. Everyone knows showers are more practical

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SirTwitchALot@reddit

Look up Japanese soaking tubs

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hashashin@reddit

Yup, they take up less space but you can immerse your whole body. Most Western tubs are so shallow I can only get about half my body under the water at a time.

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PJenningsofSussex@reddit

What if you made it like a sumo wetsuit

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WildcatCinder1022@reddit

“Less relaxing than a bath” bro I would never leave. That sounds heavenly to me.

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millionwordsofcrap@reddit

I would kill for a full-body soak as hot as hell that goes all the way up to my ears, but also I have safety concerns about the vertical cubicle design as described...

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PomeloPepper@reddit

My claustrophobia would like a word.

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Cookie_Doughnut@reddit

I like this. Except no door. Unless your bathroom has a floor drain.

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whatdoyouknowno@reddit

New fear unlocked

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BudTenderShmudTender@reddit

Anyone else remember the infomercials for the walk in baths?

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exceive@reddit

The water pressure at the bottom could be an engineering challenge.

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derekclysdale@reddit

It's certainly a crazy idea. I always prefered the ceiling bath idea, which I used to apply for the Dragons Den TV show a few years back. It never got anywhere because the problem was the water would just fall out whenever you tried to fill it.

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exceive@reddit

Just have to angle it a little and get it spinning. Don't have to spin the tub, just the water.

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NoobOfTheSquareTable@reddit

Well, that isn’t a total loss

That is now a bad shower

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afungalmirror@reddit (OP)

I'm in for 10 million.

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Perfect-Berry2022@reddit

Charmed episode with abraxas Season 3 i think Lol Not a good moment for prue

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aHumanRaisedByHumans@reddit

Call it The Prestige line. Best model called The Great Dantón!

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namiraj@reddit

It’s the least painful way to…bathe.

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nofear78@reddit

It us called "shower".

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StarrySundaeSmile@reddit

You invented a bathtub that also doubles as a panic room.

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7-Inches@reddit

And a suicide box, just kneel down

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mmlickme@reddit

Slow and painful please!

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3WordPosts@reddit

Are you saying I couldn’t do the same in my regular bath?

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revolvingpresoak9640@reddit

Downward faces dog is less convenient than kneeling.

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Particular_Cut_6933@reddit

If you had said “are you saying that I couldn’t do the same in my regular bath” it would have been an accidental haiku

Fun.

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JungleCakes@reddit

Sign me up

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GIDAMIEN@reddit

This is already a thing. Wow it's like Google doesn't even exist or something

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Special_Watch8725@reddit

Eh, standing up is a pain in the ass. Either have a bench, in which case you’re just taking about a deeper hot tub, or else have some feature to make the liquid neutrally buoyant, in which case you don’t have to support your body weight— a vertical sensory deprivation chamber if you will.

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YetAnotherInterneter@reddit

Crazier idea: an upside-down vertical bath for bats 🦇

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seaclifftonne@reddit

So the soap just rinses away before can touch the skin and my body moves slower because of water resistance? Alright

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ThatThingInTheWoods@reddit

Right this would be my issue

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brockclan216@reddit

They have those. They are made for the elderly. Google walk in tubs.

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Comfortable-Bike8646@reddit

Imagine the water bill.

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sawtooth1649@reddit

I like it! And maybe the water has jets, so you are getting washed while standing in the device?

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AssistanceChemical63@reddit

You would have to jump in from the top because all the water would pour out when you open the door.

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DBSeamZ@reddit

No, you’d have to wait for it to drain when you’re done before you can leave

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Extreme-Network6857@reddit

Have it at ground level and step in? Kind of like a pool

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afungalmirror@reddit (OP)

Correct.

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not_nott@reddit

this sounds like a great intentional feature to me because it means the bath drains almost instantly

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aHumanRaisedByHumans@reddit

Just be quick

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Maxpowrsss@reddit

So a cold plunge with warm water?

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RainbowUnicorn0228@reddit

I thought this was the 10th dentist for a min.

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I_NEED_YOUR_MONEY@reddit

https://www.homedepot.ca/en/home/categories/bath/bathtubs-and-showers/bathtubs/walk-in-bathtubs.html

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Not_A_Wendigo@reddit

Those exist. My first apartment had one. It was okay actually, but the gaskets started to fail and it leaked.

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Letsgoblue212@reddit

I occasionally do this in the summer when we go to the cabin… in the lake.

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AtrumAequitas@reddit

That’s how you get bathroom ghosts.

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thehonestchild@reddit

Like this? https://www.facebook.com/share/18byfDfViG/?mibextid=wwXIfr

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Anubis-Hound@reddit

isn’t this an actual form of torture

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serenwipiti@reddit

This already exists.

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YetiBoney@reddit

Captain Ron did it first.

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405freeway@reddit

That's some final destination shit

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soundman32@reddit

Watch any afternoon TV adverts. Walk in baths are popular for older people.

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fred1090@reddit

This. They definitely already exist.

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havron@reddit

I've been in a hot tub that was functionally sort of like this. It was a smallish round tub with a normal rim for people to sit, but the middle was super deep and had just enough room for one person to stand up in and touch the bottom with their feet while the water went up to their neck. It was interesting, and sort of fun. I guess you could just dig a deep narrow hole in your bathroom and install a tiny tub that fits.

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aHumanRaisedByHumans@reddit

Call it The Prestige line. Best model called The Great Dantón!

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zoppaTheDim@reddit

They have those, advertised to old ladies who don’t want to slip stepping over the rim.

What next, a motorized wheel choices more like a scooter or a chair which helps you to stand up?