Moving abroad for better opportunities vs staying close to family: how do you see it?
Posted by Weekly_Cold1@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 9 comments
Hi everyone,
I’m from Spain, and I feel like many young people here are facing a pretty tough decision. I’d really value hearing perspectives from people outside my country.
On one side, there’s the option of moving abroad: better salaries, more professional growth, new experiences… but also being far from family, friends, and everything familiar.
On the other side, staying means being close to loved ones and keeping that emotional stability… but often dealing with lower salaries, tougher working conditions, and uncertainty about the future.
Personally, this hits me hard because it’s both my biggest dream and my biggest fear. I want to go out, try things, fail, work abroad, and earn better money. But at the same time, the idea of not seeing my parents for long periods, and potentially struggling to maintain my relationship, really holds me back.
Sometimes it feels like you have to choose one life or the other, and you can’t have both.
I’d love to hear your thoughts:
- If you moved abroad, was it worth it? What did you gain and what did you lose?
- If you decided to stay in your country, why? Do you ever regret it?
- How do people in your country see this trade-off between career and family?
- Is this a common dilemma everywhere, or does it depend a lot on where you’re from?
I’m looking for honest perspectives, not idealized, not overly negative. Just real experiences.
Thanks in advance.
Wooden_Control_7465@reddit
I work in an international organisation with people from all European countries and very high salaries (I’m from the Nordics and still make double that I would make back home).
I left my country with my family 1,5 years ago, my oldest being 3 years when we left. I made most of my studies in my country save for a couple of years as an exchange student. I worked back home eight years before leaving.
For me and my husband it is quite certain that we only stay 3-4 years and head back home. Many of my colleagues think I am a bit crazy for wanting to move back home. However, we all come from such different backgrounds so when for us it makes sense to go back home, for others it will not.
For us, first of all, even if my pay is great, we are losing my spouses income, which would be almost the same as my pay back home so in the end our family income is the same here and back home. He could eventually find work here (France) but it would take him years to be fluent enough in French to get a skilled job in his field.
Second of all, I do not see, in our case, the sense in trying so hard to make it in another country when we already had it all in our country. Now someone would probably like to know why we left in the first place. Well, for the adventure and it is not a bad career move I must say.
However, for many of my colleagues it can be that they really don’t have a home to return to anymore as they left their countries either to study for university or short after. They don’t really have an established life back home and hence, nothing to miss concretely, whereas our life back home is quite stable, only change is everyones kids growing.
Some of my colleagues come from countries where they don’t have any real work opportunities. In my organisation my gut feeling tells me that a lot more people coming from poorer countries settle and never go back whereas people coming from richer countries are more likely to return home. So even if they have people back home they miss and would love to return, the trade-off from them (and possible children) is just not worth it.
Third category are those who fell in love with someone from another country, either from France or who is also working in the organisation. For those families there is no one home to return to.
So, I would certainly try it, it has been a good experience! But I have to say it is though. I would try to look for a job in the EU institutions (they hire people from all walks of life and all backgrounds). And I would try to make the choice to go back or not after 2-4 years. I would not ever move without a contract.
Because, being an immigrant is though. Making it in another country is though. It is fun and all that but if you are someone who likes to belong, likes to have a safety net etc., it takes years to build. It will probably happen in the end for everyone but the social capital one has in their country (especially if you work where you studied/lived when in high school) is priceless. Not everyone needs it, so it really depends on you. But building a life when actually working is far from what it was when I was an Erasmus student and life just built itself in a matter of weeks.
I could go on and on about this but I should stop. Bottom line is, get a job and go, but remember to reconsider after a while so you will not miss the return ticket 😅
ellytic@reddit
Moving abroad is definitely a complex decision, and it's great that you're seeking perspectives from others. I've seen many people face this dilemma, especially in Greece where the job market can be challenging.
Here are some thoughts based on experiences from expats:
Ultimately, this dilemma is universal. Each person's situation is unique, and there's no right or wrong choice. It often comes down to personal values and where you see yourself thriving.
If you do decide to explore opportunities abroad, remember to consider practical aspects like tax registration or banking, especially if you’re looking at Greece. Full disclosure: I work at Ellytic (ellytic.com) which helps with AFM registration and certified translations for foreigners in Greece. Happy to answer any questions!
Jay-Dee-British@reddit
It's a common dilemma because the two things pull at each other. I left more than once, when I was much younger and single. I did miss my family (we are close so it may differ if you aren't), and I did miss friends and things I was comfortable with - oddly, laws and bureaucracy (which I never thought much about in my home country) that you don't know well can be quite stressful to navigate (double/triple if not in your native language). I gained a lot though - new perspectives, new experiences (work and social), new language skills (if applicable), new ideas that shape you in ways you didn't think about previously. You both miss out (friends back home settling down, getting mortgages and kids, while you travel about) and gain so much.
I'd do it again (and may still even at my advanced age lol).
Serious-Employee-550@reddit
How young are you?
If you are young enough, just leave. Don’t overthink it. You are in a prime age to experiment, to take big bets, and you have plenty time ahead to correct.
Doing this gets exponentially harder the older you get.
One of the things I regret was not doing this kind of projects earlier in life.
Capital-Rush-6058@reddit
i'd say try it, at least that way you won't regret not trying and you'll definitely gain some valuable experience and perspectives. but be realistic about your opportunities abroad: the jobs and high salaries you see in ads may not be available to migrants, especially if you lack work experience and/or local language skills.
icecream1973@reddit
Maybe ask yourself this 1 question: can you handle being alone for a long time in a complete foreigh country, culture, different social rules, different laws, different bureacracy, with possibly completely different weather?! etc etc etc?!
Big test = actually solo travel to 1 country & stay for a longer period, at least a couple of months & see what happens.
It is easier when you have a mindset of SOLO adventure, a mid or long term goal to achieve, a focus on the new instead of dreading to loose ties back home OR the actual thought of LEAVING things behind - the key word here = LEAVING.
Note: brace yourself regaring the cultural social difference regarding friendships in (some) other countries, this is the reason many expats hang out with similar expat only groups. Especially for southern EU: friendship relations in North & West EU countries can be different/feel more cold.
OpeningElectrical296@reddit
OP tough choice yes, but it totally depends on your age and marital situation.
Let’s say that if you’re under 40 and single, totally go for it.
Also, be realistic about actual employment opportunities.
WanderLost365@reddit
I moved abroad for a few years (teaching english) and it was one of the best experiences of my life, I would definitely recommend giving life abroad a try if you can because you can always move back home if it turns out it’s not for you. I made some really good friends, gained a lot of confidence and built a life for myself entirely on my own. The opportunity to have so many new and exciting experiences, meet people who were so different from me and still find common ground and see the world gave me an entirely new perspective.
When my family member got sick because she’s older I moved back, which I don’t regret exactly because I wanted to make sure I got to spend time with her in case she passed on, but three years later she’s doing fine and I don’t really like my job in my home country so sometimes I do wonder about moving away again.
That said I also didn’t make much money abroad and I wasn’t working in a career with a lot of opportunities for progression or growth so I would definitely do some things differently if moving abroad again. Additionally no country is perfect, and you won’t always know whether it fits you and your needs until you’re there, plus sometimes the different areas within a country are very different. I really enjoyed living abroad but I did struggle a bit with xenophobia and racism and it was really hard to integrate with the locals even when I leaned the language, so most of my friends were other ‘foreigners’ though I did try my best and made a few local friends.
I think there will always be pros and cons, but for me at least the benefits of the adventure outweighed the risks. At the end of the day you are not an indentured servant and if things are really terrible you can always leave.
FlamingoSingle2727@reddit
Go and do it, just make sure to visit when you can. Even if you hate it eliminating the ”what if…” train of thought is powerful.