Any other sailing parents?
Posted by _Barbaric_yawp@reddit | sailing | View on Reddit | 22 comments
I love to sail and put my son into sailing a a young age. He took to it, which was gratifying. Then he wanted to start racing. OK, we can do, that, and he was pretty good. Like, it was just green fleet, but he was 2nd in the opti nationals. Then he got the bug. We were “fortunate” to be on a top team with great coaching but then the school year happened . His peers are missing classes every week to participate in regattas. School is of primary importance to us, so we couldn’t let him go. Then they all spend 3 weeks in Miami, We can’t afford the travel, much less the hotel. Plus we also have jobs that we’re supposed to show up for.This continued fro the spring
The thing that’s killing me, is there is no question that the kids sailing full time are improving way faster. Our son completely understands this, and appropriately blames me.
I feel like a failure as a father
FrogFlavor@reddit
The key predictor of success in an expensive sport is rich parents. You didn’t get this kid into sailing because you wanted him to be successful at it (did you? If so, god why?). You (probably) wanted your kid to enjoy the water, boats, athletics, mastery of a craft, have a shared hobby, and so on. You don’t need to sail every regatta and travel out of state to do all those things. Stop seeing child sports as a ticket to success (like, stop listening to other obsessed parents), and see it as a developmental step that’s part of a well-rounded education. That is a balance of school, family time, and hobbies. Well rebounded kids become happy and successful regardless of how many dollars go into their hobby.
Worth-Perception2565@reddit
We are in the Bay Area. Tops for kid sailing. Our son was in it but never loved it. At least racing. We have friends whose kids were rock star racers, certain to go to top racing colleges. And none of the three did.
In fact, none of them are racing anymore. One of them teaches at our yacht club to earn a little money, and they are all strong sailors but age 12 interests are not always there at 22.
Try not to sweat it IMO
Pumbaasliferaft@reddit
Just be glad he’s not go karting, horse riding etc etc etc.
It’s a reality of life, no one gets to do everything, not sure if I’d want to teach a kid that lesson yet, life teaches that one pretty soundly by itself.
Can you send him somewhere sailing related on the summer break? To make up for missing the Miami regatta?
_Barbaric_yawp@reddit (OP)
OK, we do live in horse country, and some of his peers at school do that. So, yes, it could be worse. That seems awful.
WTFabs@reddit
Solid name lol
Lord-of_the-files@reddit
Does he have good friends who are fully committed to the oppie racing scene? Or does he not enjoy school all that much? I'm just wondering why he's so super keen.
Mind you I don't have a competitive bone in my body, the idea of the dinghy racing circuit leaves me cold.
_Barbaric_yawp@reddit (OP)
It definitely started with he was having lots of podium finishes early on and he’s very results oriented. But yes, now it’s the fact that he sees his close friends improving faster than he is and going to fun places. “Why can’t I go to Guarda Italy, like Sam?” “Everybody was in Miami, why can’t I go?”
Bikkleman@reddit
I'm from the UK so geographical distances and proximity to see are a little different but I'll share my own experiences from my youth (I'm 45 now).
I started young and found myself racing toppers at county and regional level. My club was really supportive but as I outgrew toppers, lasers were the natural direction. My parents were always very supportive, and coming from a squarely middle class family, i was lucky enough to have sailing as a hobby, but we couldn't throw money at it.
At 12, I bought my first laser saving up Christmas and birthday money, doing chores etc. I loved that boat that had cost me 290 pounds. It had a 5 digit sail number at a time when lasers had reached 170000. The sails were old.
At county level, I was consistently top 10, and solidly mid fleet in regionals. Nationals were definitely a step too far.
With better equipment and coaching, would I have been more competitive? Almost certainly. Would I have been an absolute Olympian? Who knows but almost certainly not.
However. I continued to love to race locally, I raced at uni, I trained to be a dinghy instructor and found a love for teaching, I got into yachting and love that too.
I have zero regrets about missed opportunities when I was younger, and I never have. Not even when I was 16 racing against those new boats and potential future national level sailors.
I've loved my sailing life and am hugely thankful for what my parents were able to do for me. I've lived my dream, and couldn't care less that there isn't an Olympic gold medal in that:)
OptiMom1534@reddit
man that’s a tough one. You’re not a failure. Here’s the unspoken thing about sailing nobody tells you or talks about- to succeed and go far in the sport, you don’t have to be the greatest. You don’t have to be the fastest. You don’t have to be at every single regatta. You just have to be decent enough to know what you’re doing, be dependable, and be well liked. People I know who have gone far in their sailing careers and as a hobby are people who others like to be around. keep a great attitude and the opportunities will keep coming.
carchadon@reddit
I coached both at Opti and youth worlds level. The Opti thing is its own crazy world and doesn’t correlate to sailing success later on. Most of the top Opti kids struggle to translate to other classes at higher levels as being a top Opti sailor is so dependent on how fast your body shape develops, and well as all the specialised coaching.
carnalasadasalad@reddit
This is so true. My daughter never made it out of the bottom half of Opti gold fleet - but then went on to win a couple of national championships as an older teenager. Opti sailing is fun if you do it right but the results are largely meaningless.
505ismagic@reddit
My kid loved sailing, joined the very competitive university sailing team and quickly dropped it. He said it didn't seem like anyone else on the team actually enjoyed sailing.
Honestly, it sounds like you're a great dad, and your kid will grow up with a balanced view of the world.
I always thought the worst-case parenting scenario was a teenage boy with world class talent in a big time sport. It's the rare 19 year old that can handle that kind of adulation.
carnalasadasalad@reddit
This is my kid right now. On a very elite team but he can’t stand the spoiled rich kids all around him. All of his friends on kids from outside the team. He doesn’t even enjoy doing the thing he loves but he can’t bring himself to quit.
YoBaby11@reddit
Opti sailing is a giant money pit. My son went through the whole deal. We had the truck boat, the ODP, the national team, blah, blah, blah. Looking back, we wasted so much time and money keeping up with the program and he was still mediocre. He was cooked. We took a year off sailing when he was 13 then came back in the ILCA. So many kids burn out by the time they are 14 or so. Save your money and spend it when they are a little older. My son has flourished in ILCA’s, Nacra15, and Melges15’s. He’s 18 now and headed to college next year.
The USODA circus is acutely honed to take your money. Unless you are a very high earner or trust fund family, you will not be able to afford it all. Just pick a couple USODA events a year to go to and spend the rest of the time in your local circuit. Your child will be plenty advanced by the time they graduate to bigger boats.
Average-Star-Person@reddit
Comparison is the thief of joy. Do what makes sense. Stay sailing. No negative self talk.
_Schrodingers_Gat_@reddit
Opti parents and the traveling circus…
You dodged a bullet. Take the kids on an offshore race with the family for a week in the summer. Enjoy the time on the water.
13lackMagic@reddit
Not a parent but I was on the child side of this. My parents just straight up didn’t have the means for me to join the opti travel team - it included a lot of time spent in Miami like what you’re describing here.
So as an alternative, I just raced in the local fleets and did some regional travel, mostly during the summer during youth sailing. As a consequence I never did youth trials or made the youth Olympic team - but I also got to sail plenty each summer and didn’t really want for that much more.
When it came time for middle school-high school racing, I similarly just did a regional travel team during the summer but got the addition of being on the local high school’s team that also did mostly regional regattas during the spring and fall. That was plenty of time on the water for me - especially if you add in doing some adult beer can racing with my dad a few times a week.
Again, these limitations meant I wasn’t necessarily a star recruit for sailing teams when I went to college - but I was still recruited and academically could get into the schools that had some of better teams in the country. So I still ended up on a college team with all the kids that did travel regattas every weekend at the end of it.
TheWanderMom@reddit
Is it too cold to sail all year where you are? My child sails without a coach and does pretty well, he could do better with full time coaching but we can’t afford it. We do live in an area where he can practice most of the year. We depend on tips from other sailors and low cost clinics if we can find them.
Random-Mutant@reddit
I grew up next to the beach, raced Optis, had multiple small boats.
Didn’t sail much in my teenage years, flew gliders instead in my 20s.
When I was late 20s I went halves in a keelboat racer with a friend and it was like I had never stopped sailing. I have many good stories to tell, and these days I work on the heart of the marine industry.
My family was also a skiing family, and I was invited to join my mountain’s ski team. My parents said no for the same reasons as you give, being time and money. I understood. And having smashed my knee skiing in my 30s (the helivac was nice) I don’t miss skiing much and am happy I still have the sea.
So do what you can, and let your kids experience everything, they will appreciate it when they’re older whether they carry it through or not.
DarkVoid42@reddit
education is primary, sports/hobbies is secondary. as long as he does well academically youre not a failure.
Sh0ckValu3@reddit
Some sailing orgs/schools may have financial-help available that they don't advertise. I work at an org where we have a number of "scholarships" for kids who are interested in our sailing/boating/science/fun programs but don't have the disposable income.
Perhaps a chat to the sailing coach?
CharterJet50@reddit
A lot of those kids will burn out well before college and end up hating the sport. Seen it too many times. Well rounded may not win an Olympic medal, but they’ll be normal and happy.