You've just told him he can keep the money, so what do you expect to happen now?
Chalk it up to experience and never lend anyone any money again. Or if you do then understand you are GIVING them money. Yeah, I've lent money twice and never had it paid back - I learnt my lesson the same way as you are learning now.
This has been said a few times but I'll add it again.
Do not lend what you can't afford to lose.
I don't know how much you lent to friend but the chances of you getting it back are 0% to 0%.
Next time someone taps you with a sob story, tell them 'as much as you'd love to help you, I won't be'. You can add a sorry on the end if it makes you feel better.
I had a mate I'd known for 20 years who I 'lent' money to over the course of a year or two.
Totals around £1400. Just helped him out after his mother died and and he was jumping between jobs.
I say 'lent' because I lent it without every putting my own finances in jeopardy over it, but I still expected it back.
Numerous times he got a new job and promised to pay it back on his first pay and I told him don't do that because you're just going to put yourself in the same position, just pay me £50 every month and we're good.
Never received a thing.
I even dropped it to £600 at one point, one off payment in 3 month time, forget about the rest and he agreed and then blew that one off too.
He messages me every 2 month asking how things are and such and I just don't respond. Its been 3 years of these messages coming through.
Miss the old him as a mate but he's not the same person any longer.
Similar thing here, but less money because I put a limit on it.
We’d been mates since we were about 20. 15 years or so at that point.
He developed a bit of an issue with drink. He always liked a drink, but held down a really good job and made good money.
Went off a cliff after a bad breakup.
He’d call and ask for £20 pretty much every week, which I’d give him on a one loan at a time basis. He always paid me back on the day he said he would, but would ask again a few days later.
No big deal for me really. Just meant I was always £20 down, which I don’t care about. Then one time he called me the day after I’d already lent him money and asked for another £20.
I’d already been getting a bit sick of it because he was only ever really calling me for money at this point. Not to see how I was or to hang out. I was essentially a cashpoint.
I told him I was sorry, but no because he hadn’t paid back the last one yet and that’s the deal we have. He said,”Come on, you can’t leave me with nothing. You can afford it” and all that stuff.
I just cut him off. Told him he left himself with nothing, and I help him every week without fail so trying to blame me for his predicament is not fair and I’m not having it.
Text me every few weeks for a couple of years apologising. Begging to be friends again. Calling me when he was drunk. I just started ignoring him.
On a positive note though, he stopped eventually and I didn’t hear from him for ages. Then out of the blue I got a text a few weeks back saying he’s 4 months sober and has a steady job.
I told him how happy I am for him and wished him luck going forward. I’m not going to just jump back into that, but if he keeps it going I’d love to reconnect with him. It’ll never be like it used to be through.
Contact him. He’s made changes and you had said you would like to. There will always be reasons to put it off. This is a reason to reconnect. You’ll both be glad you did
Obviously I don’t know the amount you’ve lent but sometimes it’s better to write off a debt to effectively pay to get certain people out of your life, especially people asking you for money/ favours/ your emotion/ etc
He sounds like one of those people I’d lose a few quid to never see again.
I hate hearing of people that lend money and don’t get it back.
You’ve been kind enough to lend it when they needed it, the least they can do is pay it back, even in small instalments.
That’s why I never lend any money.
There's always the possibility that they just don't have the money spare to pay you back, just like they didn't have the money and needed to be helped out last year.
It's far more common than one might think for someone who is in a hole to make assurances about future payments without really thinking if they can definitely make that payment. This is how pay day lenders and loan sharks work - the majority of people aren't actually sat there thinking "can't wait to be paying this back for years", they think "this will help me out today, and I'll figure out how to pay it back ASAP. tomorrow".
Sure, there's some people who will lend money and then just not pay it back intentionally, and there's people who COULD pay it back but are using the lack of daily contact as a enabler to not pay it back...but there's also people who really just cannot, even if they say they will.
This is the real reason you should never lend anyone any money that you can't afford to lose - there's so many reasons why you might never see it again, and not all of them are intentional on behalf of the person you lent it to.
At this point, it sounds like you've written off the loan, albeit with some frustration. So you need to make sure you move on, both for yourself, and on the off-chance you bump into this person again.
If nothing else, they know what happened, maybe they'll make you right one day. Maybe not. It shouldn't matter at this point, lesson learned, move on.
Your thinking that will give him a nudge to pay it , but really he’ll take it as yep that’s ok then no need to pay it , they told me to keep it , so that’s that over , one things guaranteed they won’t ask u a again
In this particular scenario, I'd ask him if he believed he was able to pay it but assured them if he wasn't going to pay it, to let me know so I know what to expect of my own finances.
When I lend money, I always do so without expectation of repayment. I never lend what I'm not prepared to lose. If it was a loan I wanted repaid at some point, I'd get it in writing and signed so I always had a legal route if need be.
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Dead_Bones001@reddit
You've just told him he can keep the money, so what do you expect to happen now?
Chalk it up to experience and never lend anyone any money again. Or if you do then understand you are GIVING them money. Yeah, I've lent money twice and never had it paid back - I learnt my lesson the same way as you are learning now.
Wonderful-Part3495@reddit
The easiest way to kill a friendship is to lend/borrow money. Lesson learnt there
burnafterreading90@reddit
Doesn’t even seem like they were mates just colleagues?
Embarrassed_Park2212@reddit
This has been said a few times but I'll add it again.
Do not lend what you can't afford to lose.
I don't know how much you lent to friend but the chances of you getting it back are 0% to 0%.
Next time someone taps you with a sob story, tell them 'as much as you'd love to help you, I won't be'. You can add a sorry on the end if it makes you feel better.
ahoneybadger3@reddit
I had a mate I'd known for 20 years who I 'lent' money to over the course of a year or two.
Totals around £1400. Just helped him out after his mother died and and he was jumping between jobs.
I say 'lent' because I lent it without every putting my own finances in jeopardy over it, but I still expected it back.
Numerous times he got a new job and promised to pay it back on his first pay and I told him don't do that because you're just going to put yourself in the same position, just pay me £50 every month and we're good.
Never received a thing.
I even dropped it to £600 at one point, one off payment in 3 month time, forget about the rest and he agreed and then blew that one off too.
He messages me every 2 month asking how things are and such and I just don't respond. Its been 3 years of these messages coming through.
Miss the old him as a mate but he's not the same person any longer.
KrytenLister@reddit
Similar thing here, but less money because I put a limit on it.
We’d been mates since we were about 20. 15 years or so at that point.
He developed a bit of an issue with drink. He always liked a drink, but held down a really good job and made good money.
Went off a cliff after a bad breakup.
He’d call and ask for £20 pretty much every week, which I’d give him on a one loan at a time basis. He always paid me back on the day he said he would, but would ask again a few days later.
No big deal for me really. Just meant I was always £20 down, which I don’t care about. Then one time he called me the day after I’d already lent him money and asked for another £20.
I’d already been getting a bit sick of it because he was only ever really calling me for money at this point. Not to see how I was or to hang out. I was essentially a cashpoint.
I told him I was sorry, but no because he hadn’t paid back the last one yet and that’s the deal we have. He said,”Come on, you can’t leave me with nothing. You can afford it” and all that stuff.
I just cut him off. Told him he left himself with nothing, and I help him every week without fail so trying to blame me for his predicament is not fair and I’m not having it.
Text me every few weeks for a couple of years apologising. Begging to be friends again. Calling me when he was drunk. I just started ignoring him.
On a positive note though, he stopped eventually and I didn’t hear from him for ages. Then out of the blue I got a text a few weeks back saying he’s 4 months sober and has a steady job.
I told him how happy I am for him and wished him luck going forward. I’m not going to just jump back into that, but if he keeps it going I’d love to reconnect with him. It’ll never be like it used to be through.
Hopefully your mate pulls out of it too.
alfa_omega@reddit
Sounds like he's working the AA program. You may yet here from him again unless he considers that his amends.
specialdelivery88@reddit
Contact him. He’s made changes and you had said you would like to. There will always be reasons to put it off. This is a reason to reconnect. You’ll both be glad you did
P19bw@reddit
His message was v aggressive and defensive
KalamariNights@reddit
That was OPs message, not the lendees
P19bw@reddit
Ah fair enough, reasonable haha. I thought that's what he said to her which wouldve been shitty considering he owed her money :)
KalamariNights@reddit
That was OPs message
Andries89@reddit
Time to step up and buy a balaclava for some night time sortings out if you catch my drift
Nandor1262@reddit
I wouldn’t have sent that last text to him, that was just stupid.
I think my response would be decided by how much money I had leant this person.
qbnaith@reddit
Never a lender or borrower be. I learned this the hard way - now you have too.
Original_Good_4664@reddit
Obviously I don’t know the amount you’ve lent but sometimes it’s better to write off a debt to effectively pay to get certain people out of your life, especially people asking you for money/ favours/ your emotion/ etc He sounds like one of those people I’d lose a few quid to never see again.
OK_Cake05@reddit
Never lend money you are not prepared to lose.
Old_Quit_851@reddit
Letter before action? See r/legaladviceuk for similar posts
YOF626@reddit
I hate hearing of people that lend money and don’t get it back. You’ve been kind enough to lend it when they needed it, the least they can do is pay it back, even in small instalments. That’s why I never lend any money.
Boboshady@reddit
There's always the possibility that they just don't have the money spare to pay you back, just like they didn't have the money and needed to be helped out last year.
It's far more common than one might think for someone who is in a hole to make assurances about future payments without really thinking if they can definitely make that payment. This is how pay day lenders and loan sharks work - the majority of people aren't actually sat there thinking "can't wait to be paying this back for years", they think "this will help me out today, and I'll figure out how to pay it back ASAP. tomorrow".
Sure, there's some people who will lend money and then just not pay it back intentionally, and there's people who COULD pay it back but are using the lack of daily contact as a enabler to not pay it back...but there's also people who really just cannot, even if they say they will.
This is the real reason you should never lend anyone any money that you can't afford to lose - there's so many reasons why you might never see it again, and not all of them are intentional on behalf of the person you lent it to.
At this point, it sounds like you've written off the loan, albeit with some frustration. So you need to make sure you move on, both for yourself, and on the off-chance you bump into this person again.
If nothing else, they know what happened, maybe they'll make you right one day. Maybe not. It shouldn't matter at this point, lesson learned, move on.
ActionBirbie@reddit
By not lending money to people I barely know in the first place.
If you have no problem in the first place, you'll never need to try and find a solution.
Odd-Accident-3287@reddit
Your thinking that will give him a nudge to pay it , but really he’ll take it as yep that’s ok then no need to pay it , they told me to keep it , so that’s that over , one things guaranteed they won’t ask u a again
PootMcGroot@reddit
You don't "lend" money to family or friends - you're giving it, getting is back is a bonus, no matter the terms.
The message seems very aggressive - are you the only person they're borrowing money from? This might be the tip of a massive iceberg.
They might be in much more trouble than you realise, hence the anger.
KalamariNights@reddit
That was OPs message
PootMcGroot@reddit
Yes I know...?
KalamariNights@reddit
My bad!
ImmediatePiano6690@reddit
You were right, the original comment is wrong. OP sent 2 texts, got zero replies.
PootMcGroot@reddit
I think we're both reading this in a different way be cause it's ambiguous.
"Had no reply but seen he had read message left it about 5 hrs and sent this"
We're reading that in different ways for the subject/object of the "sent".
KalamariNights@reddit
Yes but the reply doesn't make any sense if the person who was sent the money sent the reply.
PootMcGroot@reddit
It makes sense if the other party is drug addict lashing out...
KalamariNights@reddit
No it doesn't... How can he keep the money the guy hasn't paid back.
Just admit you got it wrong and stop clutching at straws.
PootMcGroot@reddit
I'm not clutching at straws... it's literally how people in crisis speak.
Do you go on Reddit to communicate and help people, or to just desperately try to get one-up on people to make yourself feel better?
KalamariNights@reddit
Says the guy who wrote a slightly more reasonable reply then edited or deleted and reposted it to make it sound way more twatty.
You're allowed to be wrong mate, happend to the best of us.
ImmediatePiano6690@reddit
Yes, you should re-read it.
Vladamir_pootinn@reddit
Sounds like you’ve just given him the money now? He’s free to carry on ignoring you.
I thought I was just tight because I’d never lend someone money like this, turns out I’m just smart.
NoodleDoodlesocks@reddit
In this particular scenario, I'd ask him if he believed he was able to pay it but assured them if he wasn't going to pay it, to let me know so I know what to expect of my own finances.
When I lend money, I always do so without expectation of repayment. I never lend what I'm not prepared to lose. If it was a loan I wanted repaid at some point, I'd get it in writing and signed so I always had a legal route if need be.
ChanceHovercraft1754@reddit
I mean I'd of probably just given up without the aggressive message but like understandable you sent that.
TelephoneOrnery1394@reddit
Hopefully a cheap lesson on don’t lend money you can’t afford to lose
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