What will dealing with the passing of your parents look like?
Posted by GXP_2009@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 43 comments
We're getting to the age where our parents have passed or will pass in the not too distant future. My father is a super planner so he has everything planned out. Everything is documented. All accounts, trusts, etc setup. He dealt with a lot when his parents passed and close friends passed so he used that to get all his ducks in a row so us kids don't have to do much when he eventually passes. My mom... not sure. They'll probably be some time in probate to get everything worked out.
browneyedgirl79@reddit
My Dad passed in 2018. It wasn't soon enough. My Mom passed in 2024. She was my best friend and I am still heartbroken. She bought an insurance policy that would've set my grandkids up for life had she not had bought it two weeks before her untimely passing. As it was, it only paid out her first months payment back.
Traditional_Entry183@reddit
My dad has a TON of stuff that may be valuable but I have absolutely no interest in. He's super into the outdoors, hunting, fishing, etc. When he dies, my sister and I both hope that our younger brother takes it all to make it easier on our mom. We both have a good relationship with our parents but not with him. Ive seen him only once in the last 15 years or so, when my dad had heart surgery.
sator-2D-rotas@reddit
I’m seriously thinking of using the garage as my own person rage room when it comes time to clear out the house. Smash wall, chainsaw, sledgehammer…maybe a burn pit in the backyard.
endtheme@reddit
My parents have it all planned and are ready to rock though they're still relatively healthy. My dad tells me about things I'm going to be inheriting, "do you like my new car? This will be yours in a few years don't worry I'll care of it for you", which I find very morbid and uncomfortable but I think that's how some people deal with it at that age.
NorthBase710@reddit
Did not care one but when i heard my dad was dead, cut contact with him ten years before he died,
My mother, don't know, time will tell.
AggressiveCommand739@reddit
Dealing with the death of my second parent recently. Its weird. Thought I'd have both longer. We dont do well with preparing ourselves for our parents getting older, or dying.
PMmeHappyStraponPics@reddit
My parents are not super planners, but my grandpa passed and created some family strife by not properly handling his will, etc.
I hope my parents learned from that.
Comfortable_Tale9722@reddit
Lost my dad 6 years ago. He was an accountant so he had all the financials in order so it would pass onto my mom. However, no one prepares you for picking out your parents casket, overall funeral with church songs, and then having to get his name off of bills, etc. By far the worst was dealing with Verizon in cancelling his cell phone.
pug_fugly_moe@reddit
Mom died last year, and I’m cleaning up the last of those state-side things. It’s messy, but we’re in the process of probating her home in Mexico for us to sell it.
Dad just updated his estate plan. Fortunately, he doesn’t own any real estate, so things will be relatively simple. It’s just a question of how he goes. I know that’s morbid, but I’m relieved. I fear a long, slow, painful decline.
Old-Tea1980@reddit
It’s not fun
garden__gate@reddit
I’m lucky like you. My mom was an elder law attorney before she retired. We have all her passwords, access to her financial records, etc. It’s still going to suck but she made its easy as possible and I’m very grateful for that.
Visual-Swimmer-2253@reddit
My dad and aunt helped with my mom’s passing. My dad will be very difficult. He is a stubborn inconsiderate man in his 70s. He will leave a mess and break my heart when that time comes. I will inherit nothing but problems and it will wreck my relationship with my only sibling, my sister, who is A LOT and who is the executor despite living very far away. Executor of nothing probably as my father makes bad decisions and is destroying moms house bit by bit like a case of termites. 🙄 Thus will ALL be blamed on me as the person who lives closer who is still alive.
Ineedavodka2019@reddit
It’s hard. No one planned anything, houses in foreclosure, no sibling that was willing to help. A lot of time, stress, and mess.
PopsiclesForChickens@reddit
They have made it significantly easier in the last few years to be able to deal with it (not in preparing, but in not being there for me when I almost died).
kl1n60n3mp0r3r@reddit
Pops is retired and apparently has “all arrangements accounted for”…what that means is anyone’s guess, he won’t tell me anything and says I’ll be contacted by his lawyer when the time comes. (We live in different provinces)
Mother is cuckoo and I have no idea about anything and doubt she has any REAL plans. She’s lived for years on her trust fund and has never worked and never saved/been frugal. I’m the only child left in Canada to deal with it all…so it will either be a burden/mess or I’ll be inheriting several million dollars…it’s about 50/50 on how that goes. My guess is a pile of debt and nonsense to reconcile and clean up.
Slytherpuffy@reddit
My dad passed in an accident in 2014. He had a will. I had seen it with my own eyes several years before. Unfortunately by the time he died, we couldn't find it anywhere. We did find a business card for a lawyer that said "sign will" on it and we called him, but the one he had was old and had listed his estate as being split up evenly between myself and his second wife and her two kids (one of whom predeceased my dad by six months). So basically we had to proceed as if there were no will, which made things a lot harder. The moral of the story is that when you make a will, make sure the executor knows they are the executor and either give them a copy of the will or the business card of the lawyer who prepared the will. Have a list of banks and financial institutions where you have accounts, any insurance policy information, passwords, names and contact info for people who need to be notified, wishes as to what you want done with your body, etc. Make sure someone knows where they are or make them easy to find.
lifeat24fps@reddit
Not that any of it will be easy but by all accounts my father has been preparing to minimize the chaos. I think we learned that from when mom passed away unexpected at 53.
DarkAngela12@reddit
My parents (stupidly) named my (barely capable of adulting) sister as the executor of the estate. So.... easy for me!!!!
Perfect_Argument8553@reddit
My parents are super on top of all that. So on top of it, in fact, that when they started going through their files this year to get the ball rolling they found a binder with all of the exact forms they needed that they had already filled out and notarized a few years ago. Soooo, they’re on top of their shit, but also losing their marbles. I have mixed feelings.
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
My mother has things planned but knows not to make me worry about her until it's serious. My father has had serious health episodes and he pretty much has no plan.
Inspi@reddit
Mom's gone now but dad has everything planned out so that everything is as easy for me as possible. Pretty much everything that can be in a trust is, and I'm named to take over the control of it after he goes. I'm beneficiary of insurance, accounts are all payable upon death to me. I'm named everywhere in his living will, the whole 9 yards. Plus I'm an only kid, so no one else around to contest the will.
His actual physical stuff though.... That's going to be one hell of a clean out. Multiple rental roll off dumpsters will be needed. Plus Salvation Army will probably just add me as a regular stop each day to pick up a truckload or two.
limelight022@reddit
Dad has an envelope that says "for when I die". To this day Ive never looked inside.
Puzzled_Loquat@reddit
My parents are in their upper 70s… I believe everything is sorted. I can’t even think about them passing.
Adrasteia-One@reddit
Same for me. I know it will happen eventually, but I don't know how I'll handle it.
Wild_Manufacturer555@reddit
My dad died when I was 26. I’m going to be absolutely devastated when my mom dies. She’s my best friend and I don’t really know how to do life without her.
yourmomishigh@reddit
My (step)dad was super organized and left everything set and clear when he died. My mom was able to handle those things well. Emotionally, it was beyond. My mom left all her affairs in order, but she was a hoarder of designer clothes, shoes, bags, etc. She hoarded little serving things for when guests came over, and she kept every paper ever.
As an only child it was overwhelming to tackle. It was also painful to sell her stuff for pennies on the dollar, but I didn’t have it in me to set up a Poshmark shop or whatever. I did take all the best stuff.
My biological father, with whom I was LC, died in Venezuela and it was still painful. He did try to make amends at the end.
I’m realizing that all our parents have so much clutter and you can’t get rid of it. Start the process while they’re alive.
Healthy-Neat-2989@reddit
1 will be a logistics slog. She is financially messy. The other, I won’t know probably until way later, or I send balloons.
realauthormattjanak@reddit
It sucks because there are so many things you don't think about. I was only 14 when mother died but 31 when dad died, and I'm an only child so it was all on me to address everything.
Sudden_Associate7566@reddit
Similar here. I know there’s no guarantee siblings will help either, but it was so hard having to carry every decision and action on my own.
Sodamyte@reddit
I won't even know when/if it happens, I cut them both off long long ago and never looked back.
Big-Honeydew-961@reddit
Lol same I’m gonna be like “I’m throwing a barbecue at the house I have to sell and so help me, if you take your shoes off before you go inside, I’m throwing you out because i want that house to be wrecked before the showing.”
Sodamyte@reddit
Oh I wont even be dealing with that part if they even own property.. I have no contact with anyone I share dna with. Let them fight over it.
Big-Honeydew-961@reddit
I’m half of the insurance policy when they die. I can’t get out of it
elonmusktheturd22@reddit
I haven't spoken to them in 2 decades. If i see them in the obituaries i will throw a brief party to celebrate
mamalmw@reddit
My Dad is my only living parent. I know he has a will and my oldest sibling is the executor. He paid for his headstone and plot. However, he lives states away from our home state so I’m not sure if he’s planned for the cost of transporting his body or we will be expected to foot the bill. Personally, I would just cremate him but I’m fairly certain that would go against his wishes. Last time he visited me I showed him this book I got on Amazon called ‘I’m dead now what’ or something like. You fill out everything like accounts, lawyers, doctors to notify etc. literally everything you can think of. I had an extra one and gave it to him. I hope he filled it out.
Mmeeggggss@reddit
Dad is on home hospice right now. Mom is caretaking. They both have wills and a trust set up— all of that paperwork is in a binder for what to do and who gets what. They’ve talked about it with us for years. I don’t think they have all of the accounts written down but I might help my mom get that together once dad passes. I’m super grateful because I know a lot of people aren’t in this situation with their parents.
VaselineHabits@reddit
That's really amazing! I'm so happy for you & yours, it's grime but I think that shows a real bond of love and trust to plan and talk about these things.
ughyoujag@reddit
My parents are both dead. Consider yourself lucky you have this type of family. I wouldn’t wish the hell and chaos I went through for years on anyone
2011ACK@reddit
Commenting in solidarity. My father is long dead and my mother left such a chaotic, hellish mess (financially and otherwise) for me to clean up. It's taken me years to recover from the stress and burden of it all.
TragicHedgehog@reddit
Lost my mom to murder 12 years ago. Obv no one was prepared. Haven’t seen my dad in 20 years. After the chaos of my mother’s death, I expect his to be quiet and I’ll hear about it a few years after. It’s the least he could do.
Anthrax4breakfast@reddit
When my dad died, I was 29. It stole my sense of invincibility, I no longer felt young and strong. I felt vulnerable, and realized that when I am gone, I will leave a hole that will be difficult to fill for those that loved me.
ericthepilot2000@reddit
Just lost my mother last year. Can not be more thankful that she had everything squared away. My uncle passed away without anything, and it's a mess. He's been gone almost 7 years, and we're STILL finding things. But my Mom we had everything, including passwords to her accounts, made all the transition stuff much easier in the aftermath.
The most important thing I can recommend, as tough a conversation as it is, is to have an advance directive. She didn't want us stuck having to make tough choices. So it was very clear about what was to happen and what steps we could take.
AnonymousIdentityMan@reddit
Dad gone in 1989. Mom has dementia. Yeah, it sucks. I’ll do what is recommended. Therapy, etc.