Adultier adult
Posted by Abpoe77@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 44 comments
I'm a blue collar truck driver. My wife is city planner code enforcement. My sister and her husband are art teachers either mixed media or music. I'm out here cutting my mother's lawn and trimming trees. My wife is at some environmental meeting in town. My sister and husband are doing some artsy thing today. I'm have become the maintainer of my mother's home. My dad lives in an apartment just down the street. My mother's house mate is also in her mid 70s with failing health and abilities. I'm supposed to be doing house work at home to help my wife. I'm grateful she understands what I'm doing for my mom but holy crap there is so much to do here
ONROSREPUS@reddit
I don't have to mow my mom's yard, yet. However this weekend I went over and changed oil, sharpened blade and got the mower running for her. Plus I also put the snow blower away, got the garden hose out ect..... Stuff my dad use to all do for her.
My older sisters as well.
NoKing9900@reddit
You’re doing good things for your family. That’s the best adulting there is!
GenX is now entering the “sandwich generation “ years. We’re still looking after our kids while starting to become caretakers for our parents. These are the stressful years for any generation.
Agreeable_Day_7547@reddit
But the most shocking part is how little they know about fixing a house! I called who we considers nephew to help me put together a bunch of IKEA rolling carts when remodeling my art studio. I was stunned. By 12 I could frame in a house! But my spine is a mess now
beeepboh@reddit
Good on you! ❤️
browneyedgirl79@reddit
My Mom was my adultier adult. Until she passed. Now my adultier adult is my husband.
tvieno@reddit
If you can afford it, hire help whether it is lawn care or look into services that check in on the elderly. You don't need to do it all.
real_p3king@reddit
AND split the cost with your sister (and mother). No reason for you to always shoulder the load.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
Same. I do housework and garden stuff for my Dad and then have to do the same at home. It's a lot. No support from siblings. My husband and kids help out at my dad's at weekends and school breaks if there's big jobs to be done at my dad's. I was doing gardening for my Dad yesterday and now I'm stiff and sore will jobs to do at home.
Sensitive_Studio_91@reddit
I feel your pain. I have become the one in the family that everyone calls when they need something.
Brave-Spot8429@reddit
Me too, me too. 💜
Zadyria_Gelm@reddit
I would absolutely prefer my Hubs help my Dad before doing stuff at home. Our boys are 20-somethings who happily go tend Papaw's yard, but if it needs fixing it falls on Hubs. Our stuff can wait another day if it makes Dad's life easier or brighter.
justkari@reddit
We have a similar situation. My husband and I take care of my 92 yo FIL's yard in addition to our own. We arent spring chickens and we feel every minute of our age but to hire someone is crazy expensive. Just lawn care (mow & trim, no weeding, trimming or fertilizer) is >$100/week. We plan to downsize in a few years and talk about how we will make sure our yard work is minimal.
hammie123456@reddit
I can’t do anything handy whatsoever. So, my parents get that. Which is awesome.
itsnotthatsimple22@reddit
Thanks for reminding me. I have to swap out a toilet seat and put together a wood filing cabinet for my parents before I pick them up from the airport from wintering in florida this Friday....
GeoHog713@reddit
I help my parents more, as they approach 80.
Best thing I can tell you is to outsource what you can and simplify the rest.
We took most of the flowerbeds out and put down gravel. A few potted plants and a few small decorations. Easy to maintain.
sp0rk_walker@reddit
Some folks know how to work better than others. Doesn't mean you should have to do it all, though. If you never ask for help it's on you ultimately.
stabbingrabbit@reddit
Dealing with same. Starting to get health problems and MIL with mild dementia won't leave her house for an assisted living. BIL is no help as he lives 500 miles away.
RedditSkippy@reddit
Join the crew at r/agingparents if you haven’t already.
Dazedsince1970@reddit
Damn wish I had known about that group. Fifteen years of taking care of my parents. Father was physical health and passed in 2017 at 94 and mother, Alzheimer’s passed away in late 2024 at 87.
Yes their age gap is real and me at 55 I think they shaved 10 years off my life, lol, but no regrets even though it was challenging at times.
Impressive-Shame-525@reddit
Joined that one a few months ago and seriously helped.
Spazecowboy@reddit
You’re saving her $50+ a week on landscaping.
Vegetable-Orange9240@reddit
Good on you brother, just be glad that you are able to still help your parents and that you are still able to the work
greenbluedog@reddit
I remember my dad having weekends like this for my grandma and aunt. I do this now for my dad. I imagine that someone may do this for me at that time of life. I never thought of it as an expectation, but simply the thing a Good Boy would do.
ObjectiveUpset1703@reddit
Have you asked any of your family members for help? Dragged along the kids/nephews/nieces to teach them life lessons about family? Or are you just suffering in silence and expect everyone to read your mind?
sarcasticorange@reddit
Part of being an adult is recognizing what needs to be done without having to be told.
Yes, he should ask, but he shouldn't have to.
DangerBird-@reddit
That “shouldn’t have to ask for help” is bullshit. Everybody’s got their own shit going on. If you don’t verbalize it, most people won’t notice. Absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. So ask or wallow in your own self inflicted misery. I’m pretty sure if you ask for help, those people would be more than happy to do so. No slighting them, they’re just unaware.
StatementSensitive17@reddit
I usually agree but not when it comes to your parents. There's something wrong with you if you know your sibling is helping your parent and you're doing nothing just because you're unaware. They are choosing to ignore the situation because it's a burden.
sarcasticorange@reddit
Yup and so does OP. Yet he somehow managed to notice. I suppose to those stuck in a childlike mentality, that seems like a superpower.
Saying "I didn't notice" about their parent's home needing care is the mentality of a child.
DangerBird-@reddit
Which means OP is paying attention to the needs of others, and handling things. That makes them a great person. Not everyone is as observant. Maybe they’re doing such a great job the others are assuming it’s handled already.
Point is, if it gets burdensome, there’s no shame at all in asking for help.
shallowning@reddit
Sounds like you're doing more than your fair share. Maybe it's time to hire somebody to cut your mother's lawn and split the cost with your sister.
Dewfire77@reddit
This is what we did for my 90+ year old mother. Lawn care service and a maid once a week to help maintain cleaning.
vajrasana@reddit
Edit to the edit: grandmother*
Own_Celebration5462@reddit
That sounds like a lot. So what you’re saying is that you’re feeling like it’s all falling on you while your sister and her husband are just out there making things prettier? I feel like there is always a bit of off balance when it comes to care of our older loved ones. Maybe talk to sis about making things more equitable? But people choose what they do in their careers, just as you have, so maybe don’t treat them like what they do is frivolous. It sounds like that’s how you see them.
Kindly-Might-1879@reddit
I did used to think anything art related was less important than other subjects or occupations. I have a desk job where I do create things, just for corporate. It took me too long to realize that art endures. We watch/listen and remember music, images, poetry, movies, and dance for ages. No one’s going to read my corporate manual for fun.
Express_Towel47@reddit
I mean, unless you’re the kind of obscure dork that gets off on that stuff😂😂😂
jk_pens@reddit
Wow, that made me so exhausted. I think I might have to go back to bed for the rest of the weekend. Sorry, brother.
kobuta99@reddit
This is exactly why I pushed my parents to downsize from the house for years. Try have it a really long go and didn't leave until almost 15 years. I think my dad was a bit bored in the apartment, so the work in the yard have him something to do (even if he did it poorly).
They've both passed now, and I'm at the house. Not gonna lie - can't stand yard work. I ripped out the hedges, got rid of the old clunker of a lawn mower, and still find this stuff tedious. My lawn stays patchy, and small pockets of leave slowly decay. It's just a waste of energy and resources. As long as it doesn't look like a dump outside and I'm not attracting critters, I'm fine with it.
ChappedAss@reddit
My son works in a beef jerky factory. My mother lives alone in New Jersey. Those are a couple of random facts about me.
Twisty12223@reddit
Oh do you get a beef jerky hook up??? That stuff is pricey.
Solid-Wish-1724@reddit
I chortled
jax2love@reddit
I’m also a city planner. Our meeting schedules can be wild. Fortunately my husband gets it since I’ve been in this field for longer than the 25 years we’ve been together. We live across the country from our aging parents, which can be challenging.
vprz2021@reddit
I’m doing so much to support my aging parents as well. Mom is 78 and dad is 80. Life is definitely lifing. 😕
SufficientOpening218@reddit
i am the one who maintains my brothers house. im fisabled, so my kids, adults, will help me, but i have to be the one to say hey, myabe uncle needs help? can we meet there? its the mental adult load. why am i the only one thinking about gutters, calculating the life of paint, squinting at that tree...
for years my big brother looked after me. now i guess its lityle disters turn to be the adult? but ugh.
MassCasualty@reddit
Well, the good news is as the summer approaches. We get more daylight to do more yardwork. Another option is to pay someone to do your mother's yardwork, or pay someone to do your own yardwork...
But I find yardwork to be meditative...
Maybe you could get those art people out there to do some topiary!