ULPT Request: How do I violently dismantle a 600lb rotting Victorian piano?

Posted by Specific-Copy-2005@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 71 comments

I am moving. I am stuck with a worthless piano that is actively rotting and shedding wood chips all over my floor. I don’t have a truck, and I can't move it whole. I need to break it down into dumpster-sized pieces. Give me your fastest, most brutal, or most chaotic methods for reducing this arrogant box of strings to rubble without destroying the walls of my house

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redmoonleather@reddit

Tannerite

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wvce84@reddit

👍man of culture. It would be worth renting a truck and getting a few friends to touch off about five pounds in a piano.

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Freypaints@reddit

Safety hint…the strings strung on the iron harp are under tremendous tension. Do not try to detach harp from frame before releasing string tension and it must be even over the expanse of the harp or one side will be loose and the other tight and this can cause a dangerous explosion. A piano tuning wrench is best but one can use needle nosed pliers on a pinch. Wood parts can be burned. Strings, the fine ones, can be sold for garrotting … /s Good luck!

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SeriousMonkey2019@reddit

Came here to say something similar.

OP have fun destroying it but first remove the strings. Go up and down the keys loosening each string a little at a time until no tension remains. The force that a piano holds is extreme and can kill if it all goes at once.

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Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit

Pianos are dangerous because of the tension. There’s no way to do this safely if you’re just gonna be swinging an axe.

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RileyGein@reddit

Pipe bomb

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PageNotFoubd404@reddit

Trebuchet

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Sonic_The_Mnemonic@reddit

gif

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rtmfb@reddit

If you just destroy it be careful of the wires. They are under a lot of tension and could ruin someone's whole week.

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NC-Tacoma-Guy@reddit

Sawzall

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crash866@reddit

Put it up on Facebook Sharevine or Buy Nothing Group.

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rtmfb@reddit

Pianos are albatrosses. No one wants them. My mom insisted we take one. I tried for months after she died to give it away until I eventually paid someone to take it to the dump.

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Specific-Copy-2005@reddit (OP)

Already did that. Noone wants it

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crash866@reddit

Put in a sale group for $500 and then you might get someone who offers $20 and sell it to them.

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EddieKroman@reddit

Sawzall will be the most efficient. The most entertaining? A couple of drunk US Marines. Just remember with the Marines, there will be collateral damage.

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Laughorcryliveordie@reddit

If you are anywhere near an Air Force military base with flying operations, call and tell them you have a free piano for a piano burn. It’s a WW2 tradition and they will often come get it for free.

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realDespond@reddit

5 pounds of tannerite in the living room

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Automatic_Ad1887@reddit

A local guitar repair person or luthier might take it off your hands. That spruce soundboard makes for a lot of brace wood

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EuropeanLuxuryWater@reddit

Ask museums or second hand shops if they want it

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Specific-Copy-2005@reddit (OP)

They don’t. it’s old and rotten

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FlipMyWigBaby@reddit

Are the keys made out of ivory?

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richempire@reddit

I know what’s up this is but… why do you want to destroy it? If you have bad history with it or with the previous owner, please go ahead, but if you just wanted to destroy because you don’t wanna move it I beg of you to please find somebody who will actually take care of it and restore it. This type of equipment is pretty hard to come by and afford so if you can find somebody that can give it some love, I would recommend going that way otherwise, just take a sledgehammer to it or something.

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Specific-Copy-2005@reddit (OP)

no one wants it. it’s old, rotten etc. i tried to give it away, but no chance

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richempire@reddit

Then kill it with fire! 🤣

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nokplz@reddit

Whatever you do - GET A RESPIRATOR

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clce1234@reddit

And on the safety tip, some of those strings are under tremendous tension. Sleeves and eye protection/face shield is key.

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SereneFloofKitty221b@reddit

I might go through with a flathead or diags and good gloves and untension them before smashing

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sintaur@reddit

and eye pro

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bails0bub@reddit

Smash it under 100000000 piss disks

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VagueSilhouette@reddit

Drop another piano on it from high up

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AffectionateMarch394@reddit

Sledge hammer and a jig saw.

Oh and a disco ball and a big ass speaker to play heavy metal while you do it. For ambience.

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GreatBoneStructure@reddit

Those things are tough! The heavy steel ‘harp’ thing is glued and bolted to the hardwood frame - so it will resonate. I’m large, known for breaking pickaxes and bending prybars, but I gave up whanging on the one I had and finally dragged it outside and lit a fire in it. Festive!

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ma11en69er@reddit

Anger room

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k8username@reddit

Sell piano to Anger room

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x_Hyperstyrion_x@reddit

Sell angry to room

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Judasbot@reddit

Sell room to angry.

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drink-water-bitch@reddit

Sell angry room

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chickyloo42by10@reddit

Angry room sells itself

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Petcai@reddit

Now that you axe, I do have an idea.

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JoseJimenez10386@reddit

Boo!

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Specific-Copy-2005@reddit (OP)

Oh?

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DifficultCurrent7@reddit

My friend had this monstrous old wooden desk. It was one of those fuck ugly things made of wood that was beautiful in a different life with no visible screws or anything. Knowing I own crowbars, she invited me over to help. To be honest it was so satisfying I just stopped using crowbars and kicked the crap out of the thing. Invite over some friends with some anger issues and leave them alone with the thing for half an hour.

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thewharfartscenter_@reddit

Chainsaw and dynamite should do the trick. If that fails diesel and fire.

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gripping_intrigue@reddit

Look at Mr. Moneybags over here with the diesel.

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l337quaker@reddit

Electric chainsaw is great for indoor work!

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Afraid_Emu_9607@reddit

5 pounds of tannerite

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seanpat1968@reddit

5 gallons of diesel and a match. The answer is always 5 gallons of diesel and a match.

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Sum-Duud@reddit

sledgehammer, some young testosterone filled high school or college boys, or some girls that got cheated on.

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mladyhawke@reddit

If the keys are actually made of ebony and ivory, you can sell those on ebay, i've bought a lot of ebony piano keys and made them into jewelry.

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APuckerLipsNow@reddit

The soundboard should be worth something as well.

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ecla2@reddit

Hammer comma sledge

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compb13@reddit

Never done a piano, but plenty of other things. I just start disassembling it. Larger pieces I may cut up. Easier if you have time and can put it in the trash weekly

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2dznotherdirtylovers@reddit

Yes, just I assemble with a crow bar. No need for dramatic smashing.

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Lunaryoma@reddit

couple tarps to place under it and use a saw zaw

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prozak09@reddit

Piss disks and poop knives.

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Wonderful-Camel-1003@reddit

Drop it onto a wise cracking rabbits head.

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Sufficient_Compote22@reddit

A 5 foot rockbar with a wide chisel tip and a round back end is just as effective as a sledgehammer and it's easier on your back, I call mine "the key to the city"

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TillikumWasFramed@reddit

Chainsaw

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stepbar@reddit

Put a Morris Marina underneath it...

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MandoBRC@reddit

Dynamite

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Dirk1935@reddit

Put a young adult in the same room with it and tell them that they can do anything as long as they don’t mess up the piano. Come back an hour later and it’ll be in pieces and on fire. You can substitute “adult ” with any of the following: Soldier, College student, intern, apprentice, ect.

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JDMSubieFan@reddit

First year fireman would also work

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WesTxStoner425@reddit

It's not termites? Is the piano an upright? Some people have turned those into bars or desks. The harp assembly makes a cool wall hanging or headboard.

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Specific-Copy-2005@reddit (OP)

Not really viable. It's rotting away so much more work than it's worth

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