What do you notice differently about your grandparents in the 90s/00s and your parents now?
Posted by Makasene3@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 75 comments
My grandparents (70s at the time) seemed so old when taking me to do things. My parents (70s now) do not seem as old taking my kids. Got me wondering what other differences do you see?
Counterpoint-4@reddit
Is there a chance that having learned to drive young the cognitive needs of alertness and awareness have improved their brains' abilities in older age?
fleetwood_mag@reddit
I don’t know my parents are in their mid 60’s and how slow they’re becoming mentally and physically is scaring me. I feel like this is still fairly young.
abgc161@reddit
My nan retired to look after me when my mum went back to work. She was 51 and she looked like a proper old woman, grey perm, long skirts and pop socks. My mum is now 57 and absolutely has a better dress sense than me, has a better social life and sends me pics of her nails every week!
Makasene3@reddit (OP)
How special for your nan to be able to do that.
I lived with my Grandparents mon-fri for about a year when my parents were building a business. We were pampered! My mother carried so much guilt about doing that and yet it was the time of our lives for my brother and I!
abgc161@reddit
Yes, I went to my nan and grandad’s every day before and after school until I was 16! Miss them both terribly now, although I wasn’t keen on going to theirs at the time because they didn’t have Sky TV!
Sister_Serifina@reddit
Is complicated, but my grandparents were always 'old', even parents seemed old; dad was born 1919, mum in 1934, me in 1966. But even though I'm now 60 I don't see myself as 'old'; more like late 20's early 30's. I lean left, and watch anime; maybe it's being openly trans/queer, but my parents enjoyed going to Whitby Goth Weekend and the alt scene.
I think a lot of it has to do with acceptance., The Victorians had a very rigid view of what was acceptable and since then we've gotten used to accepting more differences until very recently when a small group of us have reverted and insisted that everyone comply withn their narrow view of what is acceptable.
I believe we are all unique individuals which should be celebrated! by who you are with no fear!
FidgetyHog@reddit
My older relatives are really quite judgemental and don't look for the good in people. I believe it has aged them.
drivelhead@reddit
Well my grandparents were alive in the '90s, so that's the main difference.
Mondays-fundays@reddit
My parents seem much fitter than their parents did at that age. But I'm only 25 years younger than them and I think that's the main difference. I'm a lot closer to 70 myself than I used to be
Fireynay@reddit
I'd say for my parent they're about the same as my grandparents, with the exception of my Nana (mum's mum) who had a heart attack not long after I was born and then was in and put of hospital with strokes and heart attacks on a semi-regular basis after. She passed away in 2020, just after I turned 30. My Grandad (dad's dad) was fit and healthy until the last few years of his life where he started having issues with his knees, had a failed knee op and was also diagnosed with dementia. He passed away last year at 92.
I'm lucky enough to still have my other 2 grandparents. Sadly my Grandma also has dementia, but she is well looked after and will be 91 next week.
My daughter was lucky to have all 8 of her great grandparents when she was born, and she still has 4 now. She has/had a lovely relationship with my grandparents, which I know is super lucky nowadays and we don't take any of it for granted. We don't live close to family now, but we make a point to visit them whenever I'm up visiting my parents. Even if we're only there for a weekend and have a busy itinerary!
bluejackmovedagain@reddit
Two of my grandparents didn't make it to the age my dad is now, and the two that did struggled to walk up the stairs. My dad is taking my niece paddle boarding at the weekend.
Mondays-fundays@reddit
I think my Dad is probably the oldest man in his family ever. He is also one of the first not to smoke 40 B&H a day and work down a pit
catjellycat@reddit
Exactly this.
My grandparents had/have long lives. My nan got to 93 and my grandad was 95 this week. Both in horrendous physical nick. Neither did anymore exercise than walking round Asda once a week from about 85 onwards. Being housebound and unable to lift yourself off the toilet is not much fun.
Of course, my dad was super fit and got cancer and died at 70 so there are no guarantees but if you are going to have longevity, it’s no good to you if you’re just miserably rotting.
JP198364839@reddit
No real frame of reference as only one of my grandparents was older than my parents are now, but we moved into a house when I was five. The neighbours seemed like proper old folk. Worked out a few years ago they were mid-50s at the time.
Content-Zucchini-648@reddit
I get that too. My grandmother looked like a grandmother whilst in her 50/60s. My mother looks the same as she did when she was in her 40s and acts the same. It’s nice.
MelodicAd2213@reddit
Yes my grandma had a cauliflower perm my mum did not, neither did any of her contemporaries. Lavender and blue rinses also seem to have disappeared but colourful streaks in white grey hair are now more evident.
Content-Zucchini-648@reddit
I miss blue rinses! They’re something si cheerful about that look.
GooseyDuckDuck@reddit
It’s not just observer bias, looking at photos comparing at the same age they almost look 20 years apart in age.
One-Cauliflower3627@reddit
Everyone used to smoke, inside their home and workplace, so you got lots of second hand smoke, it's a big ager.
Demeter_Crusher@reddit
I don't think it's an observer effect. A 70yo in 2000 was born in 1930 which means their teen years were hammered by war shortages, followed by a range of pollution issues.
A 70yo now was born in 1956, so, they pretty much had ample calories and NHS support from birth.
I think we'll see further improvements, particularly cognitive, as we move into a post-leaded-petrol generation.
CicadaSlight7603@reddit
I thought I saw a documentary that said that despite rationing the overall population diet was actually pretty good during rationing, better than previously and potentially even better and healthier than current diets. Well off people at the time maybe ate less well but poorer people were better fed thanks to the food kitchens etc
AirlineSevere7456@reddit
There's evidence that there was more people reaching their 90s peaked if they born during the great depression. Obviously Boomers have another 10 years or so, but the average death age is dropping off now.
pajamakitten@reddit
There is some evidence to suggest that mild calorie deficits can increase your lifespan, which might explain that.
Squiggally-umf@reddit
My grandparents died aged 70 and 75 in 2004 and 2007 respectively.
I always remember being warned that they were very fragile and to be careful around them, like “never run off because nanny and grandad can’t walk far” My grandad often having to stop whilst walking because he was “out of puff” as he would say.
I always thought that dodderiness (if that’s a word) and fragility was what it was like once you got to your late 60s and into your 70s.
They both got absolutely fucked by TB in the 50s and were smokers until the late 80s when their first grandchild was born so maybe that had something to do with it.
I also remember them being quite apathetic to technology like mobile phones, the internet, video games etc like they didn’t understand it but also had no interest because they didn’t see how it would be of any use to them. (My nan was very unimpressed with Tomb Raider)
Now I regularly see a group of little old ladies (the nu-grannies generation) at the bus stop scrolling on their mobile phones and I’m wondering what they’re even doing on it, what are they reading etc it’s really weird.
ForsakenMidnight8061@reddit
I seem to have the opposite to most posters when I compare my mum (only parent I have) to my grandma. At 70, my grandma was still very fit and active, she never stopped. It used to be hard to keep up with her, she walked so fast! She was mentally extremely sharp, too. Didn’t really slow down, physically or mentally, till she was well into her 80s.
At 70, my mum is a physical wreck and her once brilliant mind is going too. She can barely manage a five minute walk; her memory’s shot; she’s wheezy and breathless, and she’s constantly in and out of hospital. The only reason I trust her alone with my kids these days is that they’re mature enough to tell me if there’s a problem.
It makes me very sad, but it is largely self-inflicted. She was an alcoholic for most of my childhood, and even once she got sober, she never took much care of herself, and it shows.
I’m much more like my grandma in both looks and personality, and I keep myself fit and eat healthily (my mum’s diet is shocking - she lives on coffee, fags and chocolate) so that I will hopefully age as well as she did. I want to be the benefit to my family that she was, not the burden my mum is becoming.
Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit
My grandparents were horribly racist. My parents much less so.
Forsaken-Original-28@reddit
When my grandad dementia started appearing he started saying racist things
The_39th_Step@reddit
My Nan’s dementia has made her paranoid thanks to the news and the papers. She genuinely never mentioned Muslim or Chinese people before but now she’s much weirder about it. When I bring up my recent trip to Japan, she keeps saying how horrible they were in the war (she’s a Kiwi, so that’s particularly pertinent).
Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit
My mothers dementia had her washing up pencils and remote controls naked. I'd much rather deal with the racism tbh.
bearded_unwonder@reddit
I can't empathise, but I can sympathise
banwe11@reddit
Have you continued the pattern by being less racist than your parents?
Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit
I hope so.
My own children haven't called me out so I must be ok.
doc1442@reddit
Must be nice
Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit
It was nice watching my parents evolve as people and try to address their behavior.
I call that good enough.
No-Problem-1354@reddit
When you are a child, every adult seems old, even 20 year olds seem ancient when you are 7.
reticulatedbanana@reddit
Can confirm, my eldest (12 at the time) was elated when I “finally” had my 30th birthday so they could have “an old mum, like everyone else at school”
Cheers kiddo.
abfgern_@reddit
Haha, I remember thinking the year 6s looked so grown up and big, and now I see a 10yo and I think what? That's an infant!
CouldDoWithANap@reddit
My grandparents were always present. I could go and see them whenever I wanted, unless they were in holiday in which case we knew way in advance. We knew their routine, but their home was always open. My Nanna taught me how to cook and sew and my Grandpa taught me gardening (even though I'm terrible at it now!)
My dad is similar, even if I'm not able to visit as much as I want, I know that he is there for me.
My mum has a lot less availablity. She is kind and she is loving, but she's also rarely around when you need her. She'll go on holiday at the drop of a hat, is out most nights, and asking her to look after the kid requires at least a month's notice.
Not necessarily a bad thing of course, because people have lives. I think it's also worth saying that the 90s and 00s were tough for all of us due to difficulties with my brother, and a loveless marraige, so my parents never really got to have decent lives until we were grown up and they were divorced.
Ambitious_Island3@reddit
Bugs
hdhxuxufxufufiffif@reddit
My grandmother was well into her eighties at the start of the 1990s. What I remember most was that she had her hair "set" every week whatever that entailed, and never went out without something on her head. Her choices included a fancy hat for church, or a clear plastic headscarf when it was raining.
My parents are of a similar age now and wear jeans and eat kimchi and use the internet.
no-puedo-encontrar@reddit
There is a video of my Gran’s 70th birthday in 1995. I was 2.5 years old. She had a grey perm, long pleated skirt to her ankles and a knitted navy blue cardigan. I recall from here on out her main activities were couch with soup, chapel, daytime TV, grandchildren.
My mother will be 73 this year. She works 3.5 days a week in corporate, loves her job, parties at the weekend, dresses very modern, hair is the same as it was from younger photos (albeit dyed) and has more of a social life than me (32).
DameKumquat@reddit
My parents are alive and well, for starters. By the time my grandparents were in their 80s they were proper elderly, by 85 one had been in a home for 10 years and the others had sudden short illnesses resulting in death.
Touch wood. Mum at 85 keeps getting more annoying ailments. She has to tell medics that at her age, saying "this is something you'll die with, not of" isn't actually that reassuring. But they're off touring France atm.
They're a little slower at crosswords and not scoring quite as well at Scrabble. They say they're not putting as much effort in, but they're lying. But compared to my grandparents, one could barely read ever and the others left school at 12 to 14, being able to write stern letters to the Council is pretty good.
Grandma refused to use a telephone until around the late 1980s, said they were the work of the devil. Mum is constantly on the phone or her computer or iPad. She's hit a wall with smartphones though. Just can't.
baddymcbadface@reddit
My earliest memory is age 3, there was this old woman next door with grey hair looking over our fence. Must have been late 80s.
40 years later with my mother in the car we drove past an old woman and my mother said, remember her? Still in her 80s.
ohsaycanyourock@reddit
There's a photo of my grandma holding me as a baby, she was 54 in the photo and had grey permed hair, little round glasses and a frumpy dress on. My mum at 54 was brunette and wore make up, jeans etc. So visually very different!
My grandma was very much a traditional 'homemaker' sort of woman, and she hated being left home alone. But my mum has been single since my dad died (17 years ago!) and does everything herself, and she loves it. She says 'sometimes I'd like a bit of romance, but mostly I can't be bothered now, I like being able to watch whatever I want on the telly' 😆
kcajjones86@reddit
My parents are becoming more and more susceptible to online "news" and appear to be "unlearning" anything progressive that they once knew. My dad is being radicalised as a racist, right wing, pro oil climate change denier who thinks the moon landings were faked and both parents are massively anti LGBTQ. Honestly sad to see such a decline in views and beliefs from how they even brought me up. My grandfather and grandad died young so I can't comment on that comparison. My mother seems to be almost exactly like my nan (her mother). She's buying crap off temu all the time and playing puzzle games on her phone whilst taking up hobbies like nitting. Her views haven't changed as much throughout the years but I view both my parents as old. Mum is late 60s and dad is mid 70s. Their house is also getting more and more cluttered with mess due to hoarding...
I don't think either of my parents had a great relationship with their parents and despite my concerns and criticism, I generally do have a good relationship with them so that's a plus.
Ohtherewearethen@reddit
If you look at old footage, people looked so much older. I guess it might be because they got married and had children younger? But you get 20 year olds looking 30, 40 year olds looking 60. My nan became a nan at 50. She looked exactly the same then as she did at 90. The short, permed hair, twin set and pearls with a skirt and a pinny. She'd never worn a pair of trousers in her life. I'm now six years away from 50 and I have a 7 year old daughter. I cannot even imagine getting my hair cut short and 'set' once a week by a mobile hairdresser and wearing a pinny out of the house. My nan was a housewife, homemaker, child rearer, and I think that also had an effect. She had no need for 'work' clothes or anything like that as her whole life was in the home.
HeartyBeast@reddit
That’s cause you’re getting old.
YchYFi@reddit
My grandparents were quite docile really.
abfgern_@reddit
I have 3 grandparents over 90. I'm 24. Honestly it's terrifying, I know I shouldn't be because I know there isn't likely long left, but I find it really uncomfortable to see them in their now frail and weakened state, and heartbreaking to know it'll happen to my mum and dad before long, and then eventually me, and that really scares me.
Contermanding that I also recently have this sudden drive to show them as much love and appreciation as possible now because I wasnt always that attentive or kind to them, particularly as a teenager, often politics related, and I regret that. So overall mixed emotions. I imagine that's quite a common sentiment though.
AdRealistic4984@reddit
Smoking through your forties and fifties especially does a number on your appearance. A lot of boomers and Gen X kicked it
Subaruchick99@reddit
My Mum is nearly 83 and has been to over 115 countries, most after the age of 60 (when sadly we lost my Dad). Her parents died at 45 (mother) and 66 (father)
T_raltixx@reddit
They are dead.
MetalRocksMe_@reddit
I didn’t grow with grandparents but I have noticed how much younger grandparents look now compared to 20/30 years ago. 👀
londonflare@reddit
They’ve got a lot more money!
bishibashi@reddit
One of my grandfathers fought in WW1 and the other in WW2, they both survived but neither made 60.
itsfourinthemornin@reddit
I only really knew the one Grandparent so I don't have a pool to take experience from, however she was what I'd call "old".
In her defence, she grew up with two brothers, did the norm for the era by getting married and settling down and... had four boys. My dad and uncles often tell me how stern of a woman she could be, but wrangling five males in total - not surprised, especially knowing the shenanigans my dad and uncles got up to.
Friday was fish and chips dinner with her and my Great Uncles (her brother's). Sunday was a full roast and homemade pies at theirs too, pocket money and sweetie day, that was AFTER we went swimming in the morning together!
Doctordelayus@reddit
Well my gran is still alive, my parents are not
inside12volts@reddit
Obsessed with Facebook.
AncientsofMumu@reddit
And the news.
Jenpot@reddit
I went to my grandparents every day after school and spent every single holiday with them, usually going over to Ireland for the entire duration. My mum watches my kids one afternoon a week and I can't imagine asking her to watch them full time for the entire summer, nevermind taking them to another country. Different worlds.
Narutom@reddit
My grandparents were close by and always around to help out when we were kids. Now I have a kid my mum is basically absent and not interested in helping while we struggle to juggle everything.
AttersH@reddit
It’s the hair for me. Both my grandmas had white/grey hair at 60 & a perm. My mum & MIL have bobbed, blonde/brown hair that doesn’t look old at all. And they both wear reasonably fashionable clothes, deffo not what I’d wear most of the time but they don’t look out of place among the 50+!
My grandma was very glam to be fair, but my granny wore really frumpy clothes & tabard and looking back at photos, she wore that from about aged 50!
172116@reddit
Yeah, my grandmother at 70 had grey hair that the hairdresser set once a week, and wore wool trousers with an M&S jumper. I turned up at my parents yesterday to find my 70 year old mum, who still dyes her hair, dressed for the gym in a tank top and leggings - she goes 4 times a week plus walking the dog and yoga, while at the same age my gran did church choir and a bit of light dog walking (her dog would have collapsed of exhaustion if given one of my mum's short dog walks!)
BG3restart@reddit
My nan was always old. She was over 70 when I was born and had had eight kids herself with two husbands, had been widowed twice and had lived through two world wars, so she was tired. She dressed like an old lady, always wearing a floral, crossover pinafore in the house and a coat, hat and gloves when she went out, with one of those old school, rigid handbags on her arm. She lived in a flat for OAPs and only really went to church. My parents were much more active in their old age. They had energy to take my kids out for the day or have them stay overnight. They went out somewhere every day, looked after their big garden, went on holiday abroad. They had a big circle of friends and socialised a lot.
Opening_Nose_2347@reddit
My grandmother was born in 1897 she was totally stoic, my mum wasn't evacuated from East London through the Blitz, and she told me that when the sirens went off and they all went into the Anderson shelter, my grandmother just carried on as normal, washing up etc totally unfazed by the bombs dropping.
My mum was a neurotic fashion victim and I'm now 66 and doing my second playtime and dress like I was about 30; as a wise man once said "you've got to be modern governor!"
gemmajenkins2890@reddit
Yes.
When I was a kid in the ‘90’s, going out with my grandad, it was only classical music on in the car, we’d go to stately homes or gardens to wander round, and possibly get an ice cream.
Going to my nans she had antique furniture, and not even a tv. Time was spent watching her make buns or pasties in the kitchen, or out in the garden with her dog.
My mum isn’t a grandparent, but I work a customer facing job and see a lot of grandparents. Most of them seem to know which sweets etc are cool right now.
PsychologicalDish430@reddit
How one dimentional and narrow minded they are.
Nandor1262@reddit
My grandparents spent a lot more time in the pub compared to my parents
Asleep-Software-4160@reddit
My parents don't have a scary and somewhat ghoul-like picture of jesus on the wall.
cityfrm@reddit
Mine inherited that crap and have kept up the tradition of displaying it.
boxinggollum@reddit
My grandparents were lean, fit people on both sides. Without wanting to be disrespectful, my parents? A very different story.
cityfrm@reddit
My grandparents were just quietly there. My parents are actively disinterested, demand to be the centre of attention, and love to criticise, judge and get in our business.
these_metal_hands@reddit
I don't really have an answer for you, because my grandparents all died before I was born.
My dad is in his late 60's now, and i'm constantly surprised by how 'with it' he is. He's fit, healthy, active, cognisant... It's strange because all through his 40's he used to say that he 'isn't long for this world'. I thought he'd be dead by now.
I visited my grand fathers grave recently. He died at 28. I had a very sober moment, looking at his grave, thinking about how he left behind two children and a wife at 28... I'm 33 without children.
Times have changed
Odd-Paramedic-3826@reddit
my grandparents on my mothers side were mid-late 50s in the 00s when i was a kid, my parents are that age now. (grandparents on dads side were a lot older so i can't really compare)
My grandfather was overweight and had dark, sunken eyes. my grandmother was frail and wrinkled as if she was in her 70s. Both my parents are younger looking with better skin and only have streaks of gray and a few eye wrinkles.
my grandparents never really did anything for fun other than going to the pub or watching reality tv, they also smoked a lot. my parents exercise and have board game nights with their friends and go on walking holidays.
my grandparents had an unhappy marriage, i've never seen my parents argue.
short answer, living a stress free life makes you look younger and keeps you healthy.
(also my granddad was an asbestos worker for 30 years and used to come home covered in the stuff, so that might have something to do with it)
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