ULPT: Neighbor across alley sprayed my perennials in pots with roundup
Posted by cllxo@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 166 comments
I have them on camera spraying my perennials in pots with roundup. any ideas? They are boomers that are the type to cut their lawn with scissors. constantly blowing their driveway. They hate flowers and birds.
zomgitsduke@reddit
I mean, that's pretty obvious vandalism, do the ethical thing and call the cops, press charges for reimbursement. Next time they step foot on your yard press charges.
I'd also print out the picture of them doing it, invest in a big sign and put it on your yard saying "IF YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS PLEASE TELL ME. THEY SPRAYED SOMETHING IN MY YARD AND I THINK THEY POOPED IN MY POTTED PLANTS"
omegasome@reddit
(a) calling the cops is unethical, so completely in place here
(b) "Pressing charges" is not real. It's a thing tv writers made up because they are not lawyers.
issuefree@reddit
Calling the cops for destruction of your property is 100% ethical and indeed your civic duty. Also, it's 100% ethical to waste cops time; they'll shoot less dogs if you do. If you have dogs, hide them before you call the cops. Also warn the cops that your neighbor has a crazy temper and a lot of guns and is black (now we're unethical).
Then, when the cops do nothing because they're worthless, you can sue in small claims court for damages.
paisley-alien@reddit
*fewer dogs
hopeablythelastone@reddit
I think I'm in love.
omegasome@reddit
But if calling the cops is ethical, we can't suggest it here obviously.
The cops are evil, and involving them in anything is therefor also an evil (unethical) act. Which we like here.
issuefree@reddit
I accept your correction. They have to call the cops because it's not only unethical, it's the right thing to do.
MarleysGhost2024@reddit
I'm a lawyer and I talk about pressing charges all the time. I think I got that from old Dragnet reruns.
wildmanharry@reddit
The story you have just seen is true. The names were changed to protect the innocent.
shelf_satisfied@reddit
Pheighthe@reddit
Every time the store I work at catches a shoplifter, the police ask the manager if she wants to press charges.
aliveandkicking2020@reddit
This should be part of the plan. Shame them
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
this is what nextdoor was made for
Clevertown@reddit
Name & shame!
Psychological-Ship85@reddit
Mexican primrose. The bane of my lawns existence
Nanocephalic@reddit
They presumably broke laws to do that, and it has a significant financial effect for you.
Do not go the unethical route until you calculate the replacement cost for all of your plants and report it to the police.
If the replacement value is low enough that the cops tell you to pound sand, then try this if you can: Print flyers with clear images of the event and faces of the neighbors, asking if anyone knows who they are. Put them around the neighborhood, including mailboxes. (Do it in the neighborhood Facebook group too; old people are likely to be in it)
Your neighbors probably won’t enjoy any of those responses.
exedore6@reddit
I guess the question is how much would OPs saffron worth on the open market?
spectacular_coitus@reddit
Call landscaping companies and get a quote for replacement and replanting of all the affected plants. Then call the cops.
That way you can put a dollar value on your loss and they will treat it more seriously. If the cops don't do anything you can take them to small claims court with the evidence you have.
Or, piss disks are always an option.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
There they are! The Piss Disk has entered the sub, ladies and gentlemen!
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Be sure to add what another commenter suggested that they pooped in those pots. Also say that you're sure that theyre turning tricks and selling their bodies for "that catnip".
Then mint bomb their grass.
omegasome@reddit
Nah turning tricks is a little too far, pushes the whole thing out of believability. No reason to even add the poop, when what they actually did is enough to result in social consequences.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Yes, I guess that suggestion belongs in the "Unethical-I Wish A Bish Would!" sub.
Note to Self- Create the "I Wish A Bish Would!" sub. That ish sounds dope! 😎😂
OriginalIronDan@reddit
Not in mailboxes. That is a federal offense.
Betty_Boss@reddit
Nobody enforces this.
AFRIENDISNEAR@reddit
I do, I just love pressing charges
NotoldyetMaggot@reddit
At most, the carrier would not give a fuck, unless they are very petty. If they know the neighborhood, they probably let it go.
Clevererer@reddit
BuT pOsTal InSPecTirs DoNT plAy ArOUNd!!!!
Just saying it before someone else does. Because Postal Inspectors also don't show up, answer the phone or give a damn about anything but corporate clients.
Betty_Boss@reddit
They are gutting USPS, so even less likely that anybody would care.
Nanocephalic@reddit
Oops, good point. Never take legal advice from randos on the internet!
Efficient-Damage-449@reddit
Buy your own bottle of Roundup. Unscrew the cap and toss the entire bottle in the middle of their lawn where it will be easily found. They'll have a huge dead spot in the middle of their lawn and they won't forget it anytime soon
RickRI401@reddit
Freeze Roundup into old ice cube trays. On a rainy night, toss the cubes onto their lawn and wait for the larger dead spots to form.
PorcelainCeramic@reddit
This is brilliant. What temp does roundup freeze at?
tilrman@reddit
Mail their picture to everybody in the neighborhood, including them.
pisces9666@reddit
instant mashed potato mix in their yard before it rains next time
realDespond@reddit
give em the ole road flare through the living room window bonus points if they are obsessed with curtains
subhuman_voice@reddit
I love the smell of mint in the morning
diablitos@reddit
Bamboo shoots scattered on lawn
jericho138@reddit
Mother of Millons is better
Kodiak01@reddit
Minty!
Timmah_Timmah@reddit
Cudzu
jericho138@reddit
Nah, but I like the way you think. Kudzu is easy to spot, and if you catch it soon enough, easy to remove. A Mother of Millions will be a problem for years.
Affinity-Charms@reddit
I have many babies I'd anybody is looking hahahaa
jericho138@reddit
Is there a golf course somewhere near you?
Affinity-Charms@reddit
Indeed there is
spiritofshiqian@reddit
This. Part time gardener here. I sell Kalenchoe. "Mother of millions" (or thousands) is often used to describe several similar plants. There are tons of varieties. A lot of people hate them, reasonably, I suppose. But we love em. We got our very first around 6 years ago. A year later we had a few hundred of a few variety, almost none purchased save for the parent plants.
We had a bad freeze this year, so we lost several hundred, but we were in the thousands on accident. I primarily grow Pothos.
If you have one, you're basically me in the waiting. Go ahead and open shop cus youre not getting rid of them.
These things grown in the cracks on highways. If a dozen babies ended up on someones roof...
jericho138@reddit
Hey, as a fellow gardener and resident of Zone 10, Id love to hear about your pothos and kalanchoe collections! Got a website? Pm me :)
Total-Active-1986@reddit
I looked up Mother of Millions and it was EXACTLY the plant that I thought you were referring to! I knew that they produced insane amounts, but I didn't know how disastrous it was.
DisenchantedByrd@reddit
I'd never heard of Mother of Millions until I looked it up - it's a declared weed in Australia, what a nightmare.
https://weeds.dpi.nsw.gov.au/Weed/MotherOfMillions
jericho138@reddit
Oh yeah, they're terrible. They look super cool and alien, but once those babies start falling, good luck!
zxylady@reddit
I heard if you really want to be a Petty person you can always throw some mint seeds in her yard? 😈 ( I am Petty though)
Blurgas@reddit
I was thinking catnip but considering these clowns went and destroyed someone else's property I wouldn't want to entice strays to visit them
QuttiDeBachi@reddit
You evil genius…I was gonna say this. And these muthafuckas spread like wildfire
HardCoreNorthShore@reddit
Powdered milk.
QuttiDeBachi@reddit
Since we’re being petty…all 3 must be deployed
ragdoll1022@reddit
Bullion just entered the chat.
Surleighgrl@reddit
Use a wrist rocket to launch them. Wrap them up in dissolvable paper to make little bombs and shoot that stuff in their yard. You can launch things quite a distance with a wrist rocket.
Knitsanity@reddit
Satan has indeed entered the chat.
underhand_toss@reddit
I totally get the desire to annoy your neighbor. Please don't do it in a way that introduces invasive plants.
MNConcerto@reddit
Or mint.
AmaranthusSky@reddit
Mountain mint. Aggressive AND native in most places.
avindictiveprinter@reddit
Poison Ivy.
TN_REDDIT@reddit
shit in a bag. place on their doorstep. light bag on fire. ring doorbell.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
What? No Piss Disk chaser to accompany the flaming poop bag?
larsloli@reddit
That’s so insane. Roundup causes cancer and so many other horrible diseases! I would call the police and file a report.
SlyRoundaboutWay@reddit
Use round up to make a giant dick shape of dead grass in their lawn.
jericho138@reddit
Mix equal parts salt and gasoline, pour it on their lawn. It'll kill the grass and keep it from growing back for years.
When I was 10, my friends and I found out that someone in our neighboorhood was in the Klan. 35 years later I went to the old neighboorhood, and you could still make out the 3 giant "K"s in the grass.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
OMG! PLEASE tell me that you lit the gasoline on fire once it was laid out on the grass! I mean, that's still a thoroughly unethical pro tip, but to ignite it at the end would be (chef's kiss 💋)! And EVERY kiss begins with "K"...
jericho138@reddit
Nope. If I'd done that, it wouldnt have had the intended effect.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Ok... I guess that you're one of those "subtle vandals" who are way too pretty for jail and also unwilling to give up Internet porn for a month or two. I get that, I truly do. If I didn't, I'd have a rap sheet a mile long.
Instead, I have my bed and all the Internet porn that I could ever want in life.
Thank you for reminding me of what's truly important in this life (not sarcastic).
jericho138@reddit
There was no internet back then... and if I had set it on fire, I could have easily gotten caught. Nobody thinks twice about a ten year old kid wandering around someone's yard dumping out a bottle of what looks like water, and since it took a few days to take effect, nobody knew who could have done it or when.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Ah! The good ol' days when Internet porn was a faded, dogeared old Playboy that your buddy swiped from his older brother just before he went off to college. That old Playboy got passed around back in the day as much as my ex wishes he could be today. Now you see where the object of my revenge fantasies lie. 😈
jericho138@reddit
We used to find our internet porn under bridges and in the woods :)
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Where all the trolls usually are. Another parallel of the Internet! 😆
Total-Active-1986@reddit
What does the gasoline do, as opposed to warm water or vinegar mixed with a bit of Dawn?
jericho138@reddit
Salt kills the grass in a few days, gasoline toxifies the ground so the grass won't come back for a long time, and when it does, it will be weaker and stunted, meaning that whatever shape or letters you put down will be evident for years.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Thanks. Information like that always makes this fantasy better! ☺️
Katz3njamm3r@reddit
This.
jericho138@reddit
Thanks for the award!
surfTorreypines@reddit
My recommendation: nutgrass or dollar weed. They are rhizomaceous and effectively permanent once they're established. Trying to dig up the rhizomes causes them to spread faster.
People who kill potted plants are lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.
Nunov_DAbov@reddit
Defoliants can be used to write revealing messages if applied carefully. Salt works well and is very cheap.
ACynicalOptomist@reddit
I would take those fuckers to small claims court. I know it's not unethical but it would piss them off and cause them stress.
issuefree@reddit
At the end of the day I think this is the correct answer. Unethical is fun and all but get yourself paid. Honestly, it'll sting more for them and help you more than wrecking their property.
Ugh, I feel dirty. NM go shit on their car.
rojo-perro@reddit
Slam dunk if it’s on camera. Mature perennials are expensive!
ACynicalOptomist@reddit
They are, plus you have to get new planters because once the roundup's on there you're not going to get it off.
udderlyfun2u@reddit
Before the next rain throw a bunch of bullion cubes in their yard. The cube will melt into the dirt but the aroma won't. Every critter in the neighborhood (pets or wildlife) will dig up their yard.
lisep1969@reddit
Please don’t do this! Bouillon cubes contain garlic and onion powder which can kill cats & dogs. Don’t be the neighborhood animal killer.
oz_mouse@reddit
1st I’d call the local police for “wellness check”
Then i’d contact the local crisis assessment team (CAT) and let them know that you are concerned that your Next-door neighbor dementia is deteriorating, you’re concerned for their safety.
Then report to road transport, but you’re worried about them still driving, They are hitting curbs, not braking ect, that way they’ll need to reset their driving test.
lisep1969@reddit
🏆🏆🏆
lskerlkse@reddit
sign their address up for this free literature
TOMORROW'S WORLD
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Not all heroes wear capes... Thanks for this!
lskerlkse@reddit
Some people also recommend signing up for more info on scientology
dtcmtine@reddit
I think the retaliation will escalate the situation into something even more heinous… but I do think they should know that you have evidence that they are absolutely wrong about what they did. An apology and replacement funds are absolutely in order.
Mysterious-Web-8788@reddit
Find a chemical that kills their grass and spray it on their grass.
What are they going to do, press charges? You have them on camera too.
nobody-u-heard-of@reddit
Well if you want to be truly unethical. There are two types of weed killers. The first one just kills the weeds. That's an annoyance. The second one sterilizes the soil and nothing will grow for an extended period of time. That's vengeance.
Mysterious_Winter164@reddit
Flanders: "Did you have to salt the earth so that nothing else could ever grow again?"
Homer: "Heh heh heh. Yeah."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT5mqWKirhI
leeps22@reddit
Imazapyr will kill vegetation for the whole season but it is slow acting. There is a product called RM43 sold at tractor supply which is a blend of glyphosate and imazapyr together, the glyphosate works quickly but doesn't persist in the soil then the imazapyr takes over.
EagleBigMac@reddit
This is the way
uunngghh@reddit
Salt
Tasty-Run8895@reddit
no, not spray it on you need to order some water soluble bags from amazon. You may need to do a few dry runs to see how long the bag takes to dissolve, fill it with lawn killing chemicals at toss of few here ant there on their lawn at night. The evidence will be gone by morning.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Tell me you AREN'T my Revenge Twin! I literally looked up water soluble bags the last time I indulged in a horticulture revenge fantasy. Only based on those "parachutes" that they sell for taking bulk powdered supplements. The ones that look like a cut off corner of a sandwich baggie. I never go as far as looking to see how commercially viable getting back at my horrible ex would be. I'm afraid that I won't keep it as only a fantasy if I allow myself to do a potential-cost-to-risk analysis.
WesTxStoner425@reddit
What about water balloons filled with those chemicals?
bigfathairymarmot@reddit
Make sure to spray it in the shape of a Penis, I mean rocket ship.....
MyPierogitive@reddit
3 parts 20% acidity vinegar to 1 part orange oil. If you can, spray it on any of their plants during the hottest part of the day. You can practically hear the plants screaming as they die. And it sterilizes the soil.
BlueOrbifolia@reddit
Salt a peace sign into their lawn. Or, just the opposite of whatever they support.
vonhoother@reddit
You may have your revenge already. Roundup's active ingredient glyphosate is linked to non-Hodgkin lymphoma, and that's a horrible way to die.
Because this is r/ULPT, I'll add that informing them of this by dropping a leaflet in their mailbox or offering to match their donations to the Lymphoma Research Foundation will give them plenty to worry about.
BullPropaganda@reddit
The amount you are exposed to using a hand sprayer is never going to cause health problems. On fact glyphosate is one of the safest pesticide chemicals ever made.
The guy who got cancer was literally breathing in clouds of the shit every day for years while using massive farm equipment. And even then, the link to "causing" the cancer is not super strong.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
Or, call every church in the area and state "I'm interested in a visit from one of your clergy to learn more about the religion," giving them the neighbor's address of course.
NinjaMcGee@reddit
Mint, English ivy, bamboo, kudzu, kiwi berry vine, knotweed, horsetail. Pick any 3 and fuck that lawn for at least a decade ✌🏽
exceive@reddit
Dress up like them and them go out and taunt the local crows.
I'm not sure how detailed the descriptions crowd give each other are, but as long as the clothing is vaguely similar and you are wearing a wig of approximately the right color and shape, that should do it.
There was apparently a situation where someone wore a mask and annoyed some crows. Some years later, when the crows that had been harassed were gone, somebody else wore the same mask and was attacked by by new crows who the old crowd had known. Crows hold grudges. They don't just remember, they talk to each other.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
Generational Crow Trauma. That is some LONG GAME revenge!
ThippusHorribilus@reddit
What fuckers. Do they have cameras? Would they catch you doing any of this?
As others have said, seeds (of a weed like nature) scattered in the lawn. Make sure you do it a few times just so that they take.
Just as an extra I don’t know if this would work for you…..
My partner and I had crappy neighbours. So he’d wait a few hours after they had done the full blower on their front garden - then quietly throw leaves and grains of soil along the path from over the fence. Just enough to make it look like maybe the wind did it. I had no idea he was doing this. He only told me a couple of years down the track.
MC_Cuff_Lnx@reddit
https://throwflame.com/
I don't love it that it's an elon musk affiliated company, but it's the best made flamethrower.
Total-Active-1986@reddit
A DRONE FLAMETHROWER?!? WHAAA??? I can rain down flames upon my enemies from the sky??? That is information that I should NOT know...
cryssHappy@reddit
Clover seed and loose catnip, when it's dark and rainy, bullion cubes.
GirlStiletto@reddit
Not unethical, but report them to the cops AND the EPA.
What they did was applying pesticides on property that they or their employer do not own or rent.
That is a felony and subject to a fine and or jail time.
Mission_Spray@reddit
As someone who works in environmental remediation, I will say reporting to the EPA isn’t going to get you anywhere. This isn’t large-scale, they won’t care.
Maybe local government could get involved, but I doubt it.
The best OP can hope for is to file a police report that will never bring them justice, and then use that to file a restraining order so they can have them charged with trespassing if they do it again.
rabid_cheese_enjoyer@reddit
thanks for what you do
BoozeIsTherapyRight@reddit
I used to work for the EPA. This is absolutely nothing that they will give even one tenth of a shit about.
militiadisfruita@reddit
the EPA. you're funny.
Surleighgrl@reddit
Depending on where you live, crocosmia is the gift that keeps on giving (I’m in zone 8b). The variety trying to take over our yard is aptly named Lucifer. You can’t get rid of it! I also recommend English ivy, wisteria and chocolate vine.
ClerkDelicious4867@reddit
I used to be a long haul trucker one of the places I used to pick up at package mushroom spawn for delivery to mushrooms farms on the West coast I scammed a bag and about 1 a week I would scatter them in my neighbors yard then laugh when I saw him out ther cussing like a bitch that mushrooms were growing in his yard ....
Fun time
hogger303@reddit
Arsenal Powerline weed/tree killer is the nastiest stuff I have ever used. I used a cup of it diluted to kill weeds and it killed my large cottonwood tree.
Imagine the damage a larger, undiluted amount would do.
Buy it with cash, at a rural feed store, far from your home.
ShameContent2442@reddit
Big announcement: 6 am yard sale @ neighbor’s house
tdavis726@reddit
“Early birds encouraged! Everything must go! Tools, furniture, electronics, baby equipment and clothes… “
Quintus-Sertorius@reddit
Bring a shovel, we're replacing our lawn with a native garden, take what your want!
destroyer_of_kings@reddit
Be a shame if their lawn died
Donkeyshines@reddit
Assuming they have central air, tape a water hose on to their central ac pan drain pipe and turn the water on full blast. For best results do it when they're not home.
w00tabaga@reddit
Glyphosate (Round Up) is a contact killer and will kill most things green but only kills what it touches.
Metolachor (Dual) prevents plants from coming up for half a summer. It also makes glyphosate work better.
Buy some of each off Amazon with a $10 hand sprayer if you don’t have one.
Mix at the labeled rate, and spray “fuck you” or whatever you’d like into their yard. Slowly over two weeks the grass will turn yellow and then die. And when they go to seed it back the new grass won’t grow until fall at the earliest
beachbum818@reddit
Leaf blower leaves and grass clippings onto their side.
File a trespass report with the local PD. Let them know they are spraying harmful chemicals on plants that you intended to cut and bring indoors.
Create a craigslist ad for an estate sale 7am sunday. coffee and continental breakfast served.....their address of course.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
Hahaha! Awesome!
glorywesst@reddit
Brutal! The craigslist ad is awesome.
SignificanceHead9957@reddit
Who the f hates flowers?
HugsandHate@reddit
For a fellow to hate flowers.
He must be fucking dour.
Fuck him.
The flower fucking hating fucking fuck.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
Put a bunch of cheap flowers and a fake bird on the doorstep with a note, "I Know What You Did Last Week."
GSDragoon@reddit
My sinuses and skin.
RiddyReddit333@reddit
That's Vandalism. Put a copy of the recording on their doorstop and let them know you've sent it to the police.
khessur@reddit
hey op just reminding you to delete this whole post if you end up taking legal action, do not want this showing up to lawyers
ObsessiveCompulsed@reddit
This sounds a lot like my asshole neighbors who weed their yard and throw them over the fence into mine. 😡
OGMom2022@reddit
Salt. Everything dies.
FjordExplorer@reddit
Was literally coming to say salt everything.
PageNotFoubd404@reddit
Return a similar quantity of roundup to their lawn?
Lkn4it@reddit
You can buy dandelion seeds on Amazon.
CmdrDTauro@reddit
Molotov cocktail through their front window
D1xonC1der@reddit
Dandelions everywhere, go to fields to collect and seed their lawn
nayrwolf@reddit
If they don’t have cameras spray their precious lawn with roundup in big F and U.
BewareNZ@reddit
Befriend a flock of birds. Ravens, crows, magpies are all good options. They will hang around waiting for you to come out.
Olderbutnotdead619@reddit
They destroyed your property. Call the cops
duraveritatem@reddit
Ask them to come over to your property to check on your dying plants and ask for help because they are such good gardners and have a great lawn. Show them your dead potted plants, ask them what they think happened? When they give you ideas, show them the pics. Tell them if they come to your property again, you will do..... XXXX and force feed them roundup.
HeyWV132@reddit
Seems like I’ve seen this tip on here before. Scatter bullion cubes on their yard just before a rain. They will melt into the grass and cause various wildlife species to dig up their yard looking for the yummy stuff in the ground.
rojo-perro@reddit
Cheap bird seed. All over the street and sidewalks and lawn. Especially the lawn.
tdavis726@reddit
And maybe some will wind up on their roof, or on their car hood or roof… gosh, I hope that doesn’t cause birds to poop on their car…
Tiny_Phase_6285@reddit
I am stupid, I’d spend my last dollar suing their asses off. Never giving up.
LukeSkywalkerDog@reddit
Sprinkle lots of instant mashed potatoes on their lawn just before a rain.
LukeSkywalkerDog@reddit
They hate flowers and birds?
Reasonable-Crab4291@reddit
Call the cops and have them trespassed
ekkidee@reddit
That's a criminal offense. You need to swear out a complaint and take them to court.
Remarkable-Let-9373@reddit
Did you know you could buy a 10,000 count bag of dandelion seeds on Amazon?
Bratchan@reddit
Catnip or mint bomb their yard.
Medical-Quail7855@reddit
Any member of the mint family. They’ll never get rid of it
Tasty-Adhesiveness66@reddit
1) train the birds to come by using bird seeds and a whistle. once you have trained (Pavlov's style) simply use the whistle the moment they come outside
2) spray salt on their perfect lawn, you can either write words or the classic penile shape
3) throw cat nip or mint in their yard
4) get some poison ivy/oak seeds and be very generous on their lawn
Alternative-Golf8281@reddit
Powdered milk on their lawn just before a summer rainstorm
Embarrassed_Year_736@reddit
Boxed mashed potato flakes too.
Afraid_Baseball_3962@reddit
Right before a light rain, go over to their yard with an industrial-sized bag of salt (think bakery) and write things in their grass that can be seen from the sidewalk. Or just dump it in random splotchy spots all over the lawn.
calm_chowder@reddit
Spray their lawn with round-up. What goes around comes around (up).
sailboatfool@reddit
Spray FU on their lawn
Desperate_Set_7708@reddit
Hope they get the Roundup cancer