How do you deal with living really far from your friends?

Posted by Longjumping-Radio140@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 24 comments

I went to uni in Bristol and have decided to stay at work there after university finished. Most of my friends live in London and quite often see eachother whereas I see some of them only twice a year. We’ve been friends for over 6 years and I still talk to many of them regularly but I get sad that they see eachother all the time but then I also don’t want to live in London? I have another friend group who is my closer one who we all live spread out in the south and the distance there doesn’t bother me as we always make sure we see eachother a couple of times a month.

Has anyone else experienced their friendship group living far away from them and how did you deal with it? I’m worried they’ll forget about me.

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Tall_Stick5608@reddit

My friends are scattered around Asia mainly and my best friend is in Newcastle now, my girlfriend is long distance in Latvia. I travel loads but technology makes it easier to stay in contact. It’s just part of life

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bopeepsheep@reddit

I live exactly 500km from one of my best friends and exactly 500 miles (800km) from another. We try to see each other when we can, and we talk online when we can't. (Both live thousands of miles from where they grew up, coincidentally, while I live 10 mins walk from my place of birth. This probably explains why they're quite relaxed about living a long way away from friends and that's rubbed off on me.)

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quaranteenagedirtbag@reddit

I obviously can't make any promises but I was in the same position as you 5 years ago and now almost all my Bristol uni friends who moved to London have come back to Bristol. Got about a dozen friends now within walking or cycling distance.

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Longjumping-Radio140@reddit (OP)

Thank you!!

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Rhyobit@reddit

I'm in my 40's now and I've moved around a lot. If your friend group are in London, that's fine, but you need to accept, that's where they are. If you don't want to move, you need to accept you are where you are, and build your life where you are.

Their lives will move on together, and yours will where you are, make the most of that! It is an opportunity. Use it to start a new hobby or go somewhere new - make friends there. Your life will be better for it.

That doesn't mean you abandon those relationships - still visit as and when you can, it's a regret of mine I didn't do this more, but, if they do fall by the wayside, invest in your time with others, you will be richer for it.

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Fictionlady@reddit

I moved away from my hometown and my best friend 27 years ago. We’ve never lived close by ever again - I’m now in the South east and she’s stayed in the north west. Tomorrow morning we’re leaving for Lisbon for a weekend mini break. Long distance long term friendships can be done, you just have to put the work in.

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Glum_Field_3483@reddit

My friends and I, we literally meet once or twice a year but every time we meet, it feels as if it was just yesterday. If you guys have been friends for long that sense of familiarity comes with it.

For some other friends it may just be too bad for you guys, sometimes friendships fade and it's part of parcel of life. With the Internet and digitalisation you can always make do with e-meets too; personally I think letting go is part of growing up.

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AccomplishedRain9@reddit

It is not my intention to trivialize your struggles, but I honestly thought you were at least talking about international distances before I opened the post.

Bristol to London is less than 2 hours? If you truly want to see your friends more, just go more often. It's literally a shorter distance than most films nowadays.

It seems like a very easily solvable problem.

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Longjumping-Radio140@reddit (OP)

It’s more the fact they can see eachother mid week and every weekend, however I work 48 hours a week and would rather not spend all my free time commuting

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AccomplishedRain9@reddit

I think that it's something you get used to as you get older. People move and people also move on. Even with my friends who live in the same city as me now, sometimes I only see them once a month. People get busy when everyone is working.

I have lived in 7 countries and am 8 hours away from my parents, which is actually the closest I've been to them in about a decade. Is it hard? Sometimes yes, but ultimately it was my decision.

Relationships are a two-way street. Maybe your friends can meet you in the middle or you can take turns alternating visiting each other? Then you don't feel like it's always eating up your time?

If a distance of less than 2 hours is a big enough barrier to break up friendships, try it once people get married, have kids, etc.

My advice is to put the effort in if it's worth it to you, otherwise you live with your decision not to.

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Longjumping-Radio140@reddit (OP)

Thank you so much for this, this is such a brilliant response and really puts it into perspective!

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yossanator@reddit

Such a thoughtful and considered reply. Something tells me you're a pretty decent person. Kudos to you for posting this.

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AccomplishedRain9@reddit

Thank you for the kind words. I've lived a good life moving around, but it does come with the drawbacks of being far from a majority of the people I know.

Could I see this as a bad thing? I suppose, but I also have friends all over the world in all the places I've lived and many have also continued to move around.

It just means I have people to visit in over a dozen countries. I sometimes go years and years without seeing some of them, but when we meet and go for coffee or a pint, we reminisce about our times together and it reminds me of previous chapters of my life. It's not all bad.

I have lots of great friends in the UK, but even then, maybe they won't be near me forever. But that's okay.

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nutrition_nomad_@reddit

i’ve felt this too and it really helps to stay consistent with calls or messages and plan visits ahead so you always have something to look forward to, distance doesn’t erase real friendships but it does need a bit more effort to maintain

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OverlyAdorable@reddit

After I finished uni, I moved 3 hours away. I have friends who stayed put, some moved abroad (China, Australia, Germany, and Kuwait). Over the last 11 years, I've lost contact with most. The ones I'm still in contact with, I talk to regularly and have met up with a couple times since. It was hard to begin with but gets easier

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shaneo632@reddit

Friendships evolve. I think this becomes easier when get into your 30s and beyond. I moved a few hundred miles away from all my friends near the start of the pandemic but this was also around the time that people started settling down and having kids. We still see each other at least 5 or 6 times a year and it doesn't really feel any different which is nice.

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CatsChat@reddit

Friendships change. I moved out of London while friends were still there. But eventually everyone moved out of London. We’re all still friends but have formed local friendships too. It’s hard but it will get easier. You could move back, but you still run the risk that your friends will move elsewhere and you’ll be stuck in London (which would suit some people but not others!)

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BelguimMalli@reddit

Friends are friends regardless of distance. True friends don’t even need to speak that often. The bond never changes. I’ve not seen my best friend in over 10 years. We both have families, works commitments and busy lives. Life just gets in the way. But we speak on the phone. Twice per week. Every week without fail.

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apeliott@reddit

I'm 6,000 miles away.

I meet them when I visit once a year and made new friends where I am now.

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scream_schleam@reddit

I have friends on various continents of the world. I stay in touch via calls, I’m in my 30s so don’t use social media much.

In the UK itself I’ve lived in 5 cities and have friends living in various parts of the UK. I became friends with these people in various stages of my life and we give each other a lengthy call 2-3x year and make sure to squeeze in at least 1 visit per year. All of us are busy and have a lot going on in life so these long calls and yearly visits are very meaningful.

My husband and I tend to make friends wherever we go so we have an active social life in our current city as well. That is the key, keep busy in your local area as well. Do you have hobbies? Perhaps you can join some clubs in Bristol to help you make new friends and enjoy their company. I understand you feel sad about moving away but growing somewhat apart is inevitable as you progress in life.

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