ULPT Request: How to get revenge on my cheating bum boyfriend

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__thrillho@reddit

Be successful through unethical means

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

definitely working on that. first i want some petty revenge

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JupiterSkyFalls@reddit

So quick question. He thinks you still love him so he doesn't know you're going to break up? Or you already have and he's wanting to get back together?

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Years back, after the third cheater in a row I had enough. This person had a separate lotion for their face, so on the day I left I peed just a little into the 3/4 full bottle and shook it up. I took a pic of the bottle in my urine stream for proof.

About 4-5 months later I text her and said “how do you like your piss face lotion?” and sent the pic. By that time she would have used just about all of it. Fuck you, Mollie.

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GhostWalker134@reddit

That's Assault with Bodily Fluids, and you sent the victim evidence of the crime being committed.

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

Fuck him up girly!

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RPK79@reddit

I was going to say best revenge is a life well lived, but this is essentially the same thing.

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svh01973@reddit

Success with a side of piss disk, though, right?

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mrkstr@reddit

It's been too long since I saw that suggested.

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miraculum_one@reddit

and legitimately not caring is in the recipe for success

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kakarikovillagesim@reddit

I hate cheaters. There's no coming back from that for me.

Canned tuna/ trout water or oil in his shoes, clothes, car, bedsheets. Nair or Veet in his shampoo and conditioner. Wipe his game console or computer. Sign him up for spam texts and emails. If you have the login for subscription or other services you share, change the password (bonus points if its one of those Google-suggested strong passwords). Ladybugs in his house will also do a number.

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whyisitsofuckingcold@reddit

Did he person he cheated with know he wasn't single? If they had no idea and aren't at fault for it, befriend them. Make it awkward as fuck for him. Especially if it was more than a hookup and they're dating or something now.

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fatbitch333@reddit

make him a grindr account and have him match with a few people. post his number on craigslist saying he has bales of hay for sale or chickens

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

Lmfaoooo

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Stillcouldbeworse@reddit

beg to spend one more night with him then steal what few valuables he has on your way out

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guychampion@reddit

Nah

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hamHamAlucard@reddit

Wrong sub

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guychampion@reddit

There are better ways of hurting him more without falling this low

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markriffle@reddit

Thievery off limits but none of this other shit is?

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Independent_Job9113@reddit

Put a virus on his comp 😭💀💀

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gamemasterjd@reddit

wipe his game consoles

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HereToDoThingz@reddit

Hi cardi b.

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thoughtchauffeur@reddit

Damn I honestly feel bad for u girls that think like this. That's some rat behavior. If you give af that bad abt someone else being a shitty person then u obviously are super insecure abt yourself. Just move on. This whole comment section is full of broke single weirdos

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cpo109@reddit

Knew someone who did this, small fish put in pockets of clothes hanging in the closet.

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

I hate cheaters but girly u gotta gimme more material to work with. Does he have any siblings ? How is your relationship with his family? Does the person he cheated with have a partner too? Elaborate on the "he thinks I still love him" bit.

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

General advice: Canned Tuna water in his car, on his clothes, in his shampoo, conditioner, in the bed.

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

Hide his gaming console cables and controllers. Hide the power cable to his gaming console.

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feryoooday@reddit

I had a roommate move out and he stole the TV power cable and I legit was so tilted

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DrGoblinator@reddit

Not enough- go into each game and delete all progress/ characters

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

Idk if he's broke but what if u offered to take him out to dinner, order very expensive food and drink, say you have to use the bathroom. Don't come back from the bathroom.

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ChronicBedhead@reddit

You’re on a roll omg!

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

Stage a sex scene. Buy condoms, make them look used. Scatter 1 or 2 in places he could find them (nightstand, head board). Keep the box out in the open as well. Buy some lube (if u have some it has to be a different bottle) and keep it nearby but not obviously staged. If your homeboys or brothers or someone you know that's a guy has any dirty-ish socks, hide one in the sheets. Leave a bra on the floor. Borrow a guy friend or brother's cologne and spritz it on pillow. Leave a used condom in the bathroom trash or nearby the bathroom trash. Bonus points if this is staged in his room.

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

If he had any cologne he likes to wear, open them up and add some tuna water to that too.

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

I definitely left our last conversation with some hope because I hadn’t fully processed what happened and still believed we could work it out to some degree. So he keeps thinking that I just need time to get over this and I’ll look past it lol

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

Yes u can look past it after u drench everything he loves in tuna water :)

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

He has an older brother and I’m not close with any of his family. I also don’t know this person he cheated with bc he wouldn’t give me any details about her

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DrGoblinator@reddit

Blend up some raw fish and pour the slurry under each of his car seats

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fatbitch333@reddit

leave an interior car light on all night

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dealwithitxo@reddit

Get him in a position where he feels like he needs to beg for your forgiveness and then say okay I’ll forgive you if you buy me xyz. And go on a spending spree get that designer bag you want, go to the expensive restaurant on his dim then break up with him anyways.

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sweet_tea_pdx@reddit

Become friends with his friends gfs. Get a great new bf and cut him out of the circle.

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dealwithitxo@reddit

And or start dating one of his friends or someone in the nearby circle bonus points if he intro’d you

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Proof_Bit_8746@reddit

Give him the clap

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rwhelser@reddit

Tell him you want to get your names tattooed on each other. After he’s dumb enough to do that then dump him.

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secretlyjustbees@reddit

Submit his email to missionaries, political campaigns, all sorts of stuff that will drive him insane until the end of time

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creepingkg@reddit

Ask him to meet up with you somewhere far and never show up and block em

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joaoslara@reddit

Do some dark magic against him

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Independent_Job9113@reddit

Sign him up into the army.
Mail him maggots or put a lot of bugs near any opening entrances of his living space
Key his car with the word “Pedo”
Fake pregnancy positive tests (make him freak out and say you wanna keep the baby lol) Way more in mind but honestly success is the best revenge. Don’t think about his loser ass and think of all the fun stuff you now can do as a single woman ;)

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I_Be_Strokin_it@reddit

Date one of his close friends.

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ermahgerdreddits@reddit

puck his dad

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princesspoundedyam@reddit

Like hockey? 🏒

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GingerMan512@reddit

Just walk away and ignore him. He probably thrives on the drama. Don’t give it to him.

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SmolSnakePancake@reddit

Oh also sign his email and phone number up for loan requests and Scientology newsletter. And car insurance quotes. He’ll be flooded with spam calls and emails

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SmolSnakePancake@reddit

Any chance you have his personal or financial info? Post it on the deep webs reddit, Dread, and let them take care of the rest

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grumpy__g@reddit

Are you living together?

If not, there are a lot of things you can do.

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sweetlevels@reddit

Piss disk

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AmexNomad@reddit

The best kind of revenge is to block him and go on with your best life- without him.

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Maerialist@reddit

Use his email to sign up for insurance quotes

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Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit

Only you know the best kind of revenge because you know him personally and know what would set him off the most.

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eldelshell@reddit

Write to him that you're pregnant but it's not his. Just FYI, in case he sees it in your socials.

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brainhack3r@reddit

Sort of this... but tell him it's his but ghost him.

Then 3 years later send him an AI photo of a baby and use his face to make it look similar.

:-P

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WheredoesithurtRA@reddit

Go bang his friends

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More_Bigger@reddit

Pro level: Bang his dad

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isP1tchhere@reddit

Bang his granpa

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asicarii@reddit

Amazon delivery guy. And all Uber guys. All of them.

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mrkstr@reddit

Or just some random guy on r/UnethicalLifeProTips

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Jerking_From_Home@reddit

Bonus points if they’re dead and buried

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SkelleBelly@reddit

I always find this a funny concept. If you bang his friends they all would have just had sex with you. Alot of bro are Eskimo bros. Usually doesn't make his life worse unless you DATE his friends.

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EskimoBrotherhood@reddit

Can confirm

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AK_Sole@reddit

Ignore him. Be a good person. Find success in as many areas of your life as you can. Continue to ignore him forever.
This is the best revenge.

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TheVenusLashe@reddit

Make him believe you want him back. Make plans to go out with him and any of his friends you can get him to bring along. Like a club or whatever social gatherings y'all do. Then get a good looking guy friend to go out with you to the same place and act like you have no idea what he's talking about. When he tries to bring up texts and stuff tell the friends he stole your phone when y'all broke up. They'll think he's crazy stalking you and trying to get them into the drama.

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RileyGein@reddit

Convince him to let you tie him up then peg him

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Voyager5555@reddit

So rape him?

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

this is crazy omg

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zLampShade@reddit

Block him from everything, stop engaging in conversation with him. Don't have breakup sex. Completely ghost him. If he's got friends that are on your social media and cell phone block them too. Block anyone that he could possibly use to get a glimpse of what's going on in your life. And stick to your guns.

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zLampShade@reddit

Start by kicking him out of your place... /:,'

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dmac66@reddit

live your best life and post pictures of you killing it! seeing you happy and doing great will drive him up the wall.

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Icy_Mango6803@reddit

Bonus points if you can get lots of photos hanging out and doing fun stuff he couldn't afford, with an attractive guy who is his physical opposite.

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westsideriderz15@reddit

Get him to Book a weekend together somewhere to bang. Tell him you’ll meet him there. Don’t show.

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FrostiePi@reddit

Order and release a shit ton of ladybirds into his house. They so so much damage. Got this tidbit from another redditor. I was suggesting bedbugs.

Or have one of those dick glitter bombs delivered.

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phoonie98@reddit

Revenge will just communicate to him that you still care. The best way to get back at him is to cut him out of your life forever.

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marfeus@reddit

Bang his mom

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RileyGein@reddit

This. Every time

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LongLiveTheSpoon@reddit

Making more money than your (ex) partner is not a flex. It’s a partnership, not a ‘I’m better than you because I make more money’-ship.

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

Yeah obviously it never bothered me till he treated me like shit, dummy. And I’m younger than him so that makes it even more dumb on his behalf

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justfordrunks@reddit

I was at a solid brewery the other weekend that had the funniest shit on the bathroom walls. Your typical bathroom humor, some solid jokes, a random list of why you shouldn't trust Santa (number 3 making the most sense, what kind of psycho drinks that much milk?), surprisingly beautiful drawings, stickers, etc. But the thing that had me cackling out loud was "text me your poop" next to someone's number. It was just the perfect combination of simplicity and immaturity.

So yeah, maybe go that route.

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

HAHA my friend told me about this. was this a bar in NYC?

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aesopcity@reddit

I heard this one a long time ago…you take raw chicken and milk and put it in a glass baby food jar, then stick it somewhere it gets really warm like hidden in a car under the seat or in a dryer vent, eventually the jar will break causing the worst smell imaginable. Whatever the smell gets on it won’t come out either so they’ll have to get a new car or dryer or whatever…

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dannydevitossmile@reddit (OP)

i like this

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watermelon_thiefer@reddit

Get a fart spray bottle, go to his house and just dump it on his couch or bed or carpet if his floor is made of it

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krysztov@reddit

Herpes: The gift that keeps on giving.

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thoughtchauffeur@reddit

I mean if you want to actually erode your own self worth by getting revenge then go ahead. You sticking around for that is only making it worse for yourself. If you don't leave as soon as you feel like you really need to, then that's what will happen. You'll look back on it like damn whyd I waste more time. Or youre so eroded by then that you laugh abt cheating on someone for revenge. Either way you'll eventually dislike that part of yourself so just go. The emotions will pass

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moose_dad@reddit

brother check the sub

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litttlebats@reddit

Booooooo just suggest a piss disc and move on

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catsbuttes@reddit

feed him stew that makes him go blind for 1 day

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tmanowen@reddit

Everclear stew

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El_Chupra_Nibre@reddit

Sleep with his Dad?

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diablodeldragoon@reddit

Take the amber heard route and shit on his bed.

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Key-Candle8141@reddit

Go straight for the coffee mug... sends a stronger message

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butter-cream-cat@reddit

Ghost completely - everything social media and phone. Never speak to him again. Don’t give him a reason

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Raph33_@reddit

Let him be. He's already taken enough of your energy

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dysenterygary69@reddit

Wrong sub bud

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Zealousideal-Arm-846@reddit

Honestly might not be the answer you are looking for, but the best revenge is just not caring. If they have any sense of morals they will think about what they did for a long time. Maybe it won’t hit them now but trust me it will down the line. Take some time to heal and boss up!

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UnableToParallelPark@reddit

"I make more than him"

Cool. Impressive. But the thing is, you're still attached. If you truly didn't care you would drop the subject and not even remotely care about revenge. You think money matters, but here you are still thinking about him. But you make more than him. That's just dumb lmfao.

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Arcanezila42@reddit

I understand the desire for an active punishment, especially when you're hurting....but please listen to me and everyone else in this thread. Success is the best revenge.

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Fanfare4Rabble@reddit

Get yourself some herpes and then fuck him.

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FreshwaterFryMom@reddit

To push over over ULPT, bang his son (will be awhile, yall are young..) and then marry him. Ex will unfortunately do the life to death trying and then you will take everything he has. 🤔

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NachosforDachos@reddit

Tell him you will bang his dad and give him a son he’ll actually love

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robberdobberdo@reddit

Hold your head high and never engage with him again. Being petty will make you look bad. Don't shit talk him to anyone. Just let your class outclass him. Don't stoop girl. Find happiness outside of a man for a while and sparkle. That will bother him. It will.

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