Parents on Facebook
Posted by Trick-Session2388@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 46 comments
Anyone else have parents that publicize everything on social media?
Also, do your parents insist on that being a main form of communication, even if you aren't on the platform?
Facebook decided not to let me log back in after a temporary deactivation without two Factor Authentication, which I didn't knowingly set up. Instead of reach any kind of support to bypass the two-factor auth, I was given the opportunity to send them a copy of my ID, which did not match my display name. So I just said forget it and I don't use Facebook anymore. My mental health is much better for it.
Apparently my dad had to go to the ER today. He had his shoulder repaired on Monday and he was released from the hospital yesterday. The surgical site was bleeding profusely this morning.
My mom's way of telling me this was to command me to go look at her Facebook page while I was on the phone with my dad. I told her I'm not on Facebook. Then she yelled at me and insisted I could go to her page and see it. I asked if she just wanted to tell me what was going on because I was already on the phone. Thankfully she told me they went to the ER and that everything is fine now.
I don't like the idea of needing to be on a social media platform to know major details about my family's health, and publicizing it is weird to me. I've had many talks with my mom about keeping any details about me off social media, which she only sometimes honors.
Anyone else deal with this?
Traditional_Entry183@reddit
My two kids, age 14 and 12, asked that we not share their pictures or what's going on with them on social media a few years ago. My mom has been upset about it since, because we live 400 miles apart and see them two or three times a year. It was a good way for her to keep up with their lives while they were small.
albauer2@reddit
Luckily my parents are not on Facebook. My mom was briefly, but decided she hated it and quit.
thaKingRocka@reddit
I had to send an email to the PTA recently to tell them not to expect people to have FB accounts. I’m not gonna bother trying to convince the neighborhood association. I’ll just have to settle for not knowing anything.
The_best_is_yet@reddit
i refuse to use facebook other than occasionally for marketplace, but even that.. doesn't have much. My mom fed into political radicalization on FB which has been a huge issue for our relationship (She is very involved in conspiracy theories). Interestingly she gave it up and now is glued to youtube all day. Both their algorithms are terrible and i hate them. If my parents only will contact me over FB, so be it. Their crazy would not be my issue.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
Facebook is how my dad updates his ever increasing number of children. I quit the platform for several reasons, but I do not miss finding out about yet another sibling by being tagged in a post. It's nauseating to see something like "just grateful for my daughters" and not recognize all the names.
No-Relation4226@reddit
Sounds like my father, but with wives.
elphaba00@reddit
I used to work with a guy who said he only found out about a new stepmom when his dad sent his yearly Christmas check. The new wife's name was on the check. He said a year later, the wife's name was no longer there.
My dad said he only found out about his dad's remarriage when he ran into a friend from his hometown who said she'd probably see him the next weekend. "Oh, you're going to the wrestling tournament, too?" "No, at your dad's wedding." It was a completely different conversation weeks later where he found out that he now had stepbrothers.
No-Relation4226@reddit
My father tried to invite me and my siblings to “a family gathering” in October of 2020. Turns out it was his wedding reception. If it had been normal times, I may have gone just to stir shit up but not then. I have no idea if his current (?) wife has children or not.
I suppose one encouraging thing is he’s married age-appropriate women.
Trick-Session2388@reddit (OP)
Wow, that's something.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
My father thinks he's Denzel Washington in Training Day. He's Kurt Russell in Guardians of the Galaxy 2
JudgeJuryEx78@reddit
A childhood friend died a few years ago. My parents didn't tell me because they assumed I saw it on Facebook. They went to her funeral.
I happened to be in state for a work project about 1.5 hours away from the funeral. I could have gone. I didn't even know she had died at the time.
Imagine the Bridge to Tarabithia parents just not telling the boy his friend was dead for a month because they just assumed he'd hear about it from the grapevine 😅
elphaba00@reddit
One of my mom's cousins died of COVID. His death announcement was buried in the comments of a post. There wasn't even a formal announcement. It was literally a reply to a comment, "Eric died this afternoon."
Polkawillneverdie17@reddit
I hate how fb had become the default way for so many people and businesses to communicate. I learned a former classmate had died months afterwards because it was only posted on Facebook and I quit that garbage years ago.
M_V_Agrippa@reddit
My dad was frustrated that I hadn't replied to him recently when he sent me a message using Facebook Messenger.
I haven't used Facebook in 14 years.
elphaba00@reddit
My mom only uses Messenger. She told me that her phone doesn't come with texting. It's an Android made in the last couple of years. Of course it does. She got mad because my oldest wasn't responding to her messages. She was using Messenger. He doesn't use FB.
DoubleRightClick@reddit
I quit Facebook years ago and my mom tried to guilt me into staying on because that's how she keeps up with stuff. My wife and I agreed we wouldn't put anything about our kid on social media so my mom wouldn't learn anything about her grandkids there.
elphaba00@reddit
My mom asked why I quit posting so much on FB. I told her I had many reasons: too much click bait, too much AI, and the people I originally connected with weren't using it anymore. "But how will I find out what the kids are doing?" "I don't know. Ask them."
My kids are also reluctant to tell my mom anything. Once you tell her something, then she makes it public knowledge. She will tell all her "groups." So we have to curate what information we give her.
I had also made a conscious decision a few years ago to stop putting so much of my kids' lives on social media anyway. I just decided to take a step back. It was a long time coming.
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
I told people to call me. If they care they get text messages and phone calls with my kids. Most people didn't care.
Trick-Session2388@reddit (OP)
My mom tries to be subtle about the guilt trips, but it's pretty obvious that it's not just about staying connected.
DifficultMinute@reddit
Nope. The only time either one of them ever post is if dad has something going on with his church (he's a pastor), or if he's had some major life event (he went to his first college sporting event recently and gave a mini-sermon about that), or commenting on some major milestone that I posted about (like in a couple of weeks when my daughter graduates from college).
Really, nobody in my family posts much outside of the occasional old embarrassing pictures or a kid/grand-kid milestone. It also helps that I've unfriended, un-followed, or blocked anyone who posts about politics more than once or twice a week.
Makes my page much nicer to scroll through while drinking my morning caffeine.
No-Relation4226@reddit
Either my mom keeps a lid on the politics on her FB, or she airs it in groups I can’t see. Fine by me!
I muted my father in 2018 or so and my husband would periodically give me the gist of things. Father has since lost access to his original account and didn’t bother adding me to his subsequent account(s) because we weren’t speaking by then. I culled quite a few other relatives in 2020/21.
My MIL does more of the “share this post and tag people who will, too” type of stuff than I would have thought she’d be susceptible to. My husband and one of his siblings do a pretty decent job of countering her misinfo/disinfo posts. To her credit, she doesn’t dig in and argue with them, either.
BeaniePole1792@reddit
My dad was doing this so I quit Facebook. He didn’t call me and even forgot his grandkid’s birthday. I also notice my MIL only comments on other people posts (saw it on husband’s Facebook) and she told me straight to my face she doesn’t use Facebook.
Nutshell is though I am off Facebook and told family to text and such, they rarely do.
My dad is now passed away. It didn’t really bother me much since he didn’t talk to me.
TuesDazeGone@reddit
Whenever I see distant relatives they always ask the same thing "whats up w your mom on fb?". I tell them idk, i don't use it and they probably talk to her more than I do.
nuggetbailey@reddit
Word for word my relatives ask me the same, its embarrassing.
PurplePenguin232@reddit
Nope, but then I'm not on Facebook either - just here and some random Instagram scrolling when bored! My mum (73) claims technological idiocy. I can't even get her to use WhatsApp to keep in touch. Video calls? Forget it. She's an absolute pro when it comes to playing Candy Crush on her tablet and buying endless shit on eBay and Amazon though! 🤣
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
My dad who taught me to never discuss politics in public got onto Facebook late, and shared memes about "sending them back" and bald eagles with muscles. I tried to educate him twice, which he was receptive of. He tried to pose as old school, but the crack hit was impossible to deny. I'm off of of facebook, so maybe he shares shredded AI Uncle Sam now.
gbroon@reddit
I was only on Facebook really to keep an eye on what my kids were doing when they used it.
Noe they are grown up they rarely use it and I don't bother much either.
Significant_Dog412@reddit
My Mum had a very short spell where she got really into Facebook after meeting an old friend. In searching other people she'd have known from those days, we found out that my Grandma on my long disappeared Dad's side had died a year earlier, and that my Dad almost certainly had another teenage Daughter we didn't know.
Facebook turned out to be a brief fad for my Mum thankfully.
StillhasaWiiU@reddit
Mom had a stalker in her 30s. Because of this, shes never used social media out of fear he'd find her. At first it was frustrating, but now i get it.
slippedintherain@reddit
I keep Facebook mostly so I can still access my late mom’s FB page. It’s nice to see memories come up of posts of mine she commented on.
Trick-Session2388@reddit (OP)
I can see how that would help with grief.
Way_2_Go_Donny@reddit
Sounds like lots of failed boundaries and communication issues.
Trick-Session2388@reddit (OP)
Those are definitely problems with my parents even without social media in the picture.
UptownJunk802@reddit
My mom has to comment on everything. Like fake pages for soap opera stars "should I stay on the show? If I get 1000 comments I'll stay" and I'm seeing this post because my mom had to be one of the old biddies who commented. It's like my own r/oldpeopleFacebook my mom edition.
1Frazier@reddit
My parents rarely post but frequently check for updates. FB is a main way that my extended family keeps up with each other. We are spread across states and a couple of countries. And now with the youngest generation having kids we are growing into 4 generations. We love to see recent pictures of vacations, proms, graduations, pregnancies, fun events, etc. Without it I wouldn't know what my cousins or their kids are up to since I don't live anywhere near them and we don't talk except for maybe once every other year at a family party. When I got a cat I texted and called a few people close to me but I wasn't going to reach out to my aunts, uncles and cousins with that news. But they were happy to see the pictures on FB when I posted them....and I think that is what it should be used for. It makes us feel a little closer with some nice pictures and occasional good news and updates.
Important news like medical updates are shared in smaller groups via calls, text, email, etc.
elevenatexi@reddit
I was an early adopter way back when you needed a .edu email account to even have an account. For awhile it was actually a pretty fun website, but those days are a distant memory and I have been off of it for 12 years now. Mom and Dad only became users about 8 years ago, so never overlapped with them on there.
jeremyVTR@reddit
Same here. It was handy for keeping up with people from class and high school but I told myself that I was deleting my account as soon as my mom joined. I stuck to that and never signed back up.
Bet all my data is still there just waiting for me to reactivate it, though.
bashturd@reddit
My dad is a musician, he just posts gigs on Facebook.
jtho78@reddit
I quit social media except for this dang place years ago.
FB is the only thing my mom's iPhone seems to be for. She barely understands how to use anything else on it, including the phone and text.
Her memory has been bad lately and her doctor thinks it is dehydration, lack of sleep, and stress. "Oh, but I get lots of sleep". I produced nine 1AM posts from her in the last couple of months. And I know she wakes up at 6a no matter what.
I wish I could just deactivate her account.
Trick-Session2388@reddit (OP)
Oh boy. I fear this is a conversation I will also have with my mom's doc in the future.
I hear you and I wish the same!
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
Someone said her mom has set kitchen fires while playing on her phone. If an elder was driving unsafe, causing fires, getting scammed, and falling down stairs, it used to be a cognitive issue that warranted investigation.
brokenman82@reddit
My parents don’t even have profile pictures. The only reason they have Facebook is for pictures
moles-on-parade@reddit
My dad has posted three times in ten years. He just uses it to see what his family is getting up to — I'll post something and he'll ask me about it within a day or two. It's kinda fantastic.
Trick-Session2388@reddit (OP)
Nice! That sounds like a much healthier relationship with the app. My mom posts multiple times a day about anything and everything if her usage is like it used to be.
LocallySourcedWeirdo@reddit
I quit Facebook years ago, but my dad still tries to text me links to Facebook posts.
rearwindowpup@reddit
Quit Facebook years ago, my biggest friction with my parents was having them keep my kids off it, like once a week I had to call and yell at them to take stuff down.