I don’t have many “real” friends…
Posted by OldFitDude75@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 94 comments
My job is doing a golf outing this week and we’re a very small team and there’s room for a lot more people so they said we could invite friends or family. I only have a couple friends that golf and they are both busy so I started thinking through who else I know and occurred to me that I only have a handful of friends.
I have a ton of acquaintances through work or my wife’s work, and there’s plenty of people that I can be polite or even conversant with, but when it comes to actual friends - people you can sit and have a beer with or really be yourself with - the number is like 5, maybe 6 on a good day.
Sure, I have 150 “friends” on Facebook or whatever but they aren’t actually friends, you know? They are people I went to high school with or people that I connected with years ago or people I used to work with. Even the people I served with back when I was first in the military are mainly just relegated to the occasional text on Veterans Day.
Is this just part of being older or is this a symptom of having adult kids and fewer chances to be out doing things in public and crowds? To be clear, I’m not lonely per se, I have hobbies and a truly amazing relationship with my wife and kids, but it is a little saddening to think of that my circle is so condensed that I can count my friends on one hand.
Particular-Cod-8221@reddit
I have a few truly good friends. I’m very sad because I live in a red state and I posted a few things on social media about how I loathe 47 and now those “friends “ have completely cut me off. I never brought up politics when we got together because I knew their stance. It hurts
Express_Towel47@reddit
I have four good friends. It suffices.
VacuumTubesAreFunny@reddit
My spouse is my absolute best and only friend. Everyone else I keep at arms length.
False-Storm-5794@reddit
I completely relate to your situation. I have wondered, in the past if it It is just a quirk of mine or if it's part of a larger generational thing. My guess is it's more personal and across to any given generation the average number of friends is probably the same.
Having said that, I'll give some advice. As we get older we lose friends due to deaths. Be open to new legitimate friendships. It's a drag being the last man standing.
OrangeMustangGal@reddit
My spouse is my very best friend. When I think about who I would call if I needed help the list is short. However, that may say more about me, than it does about them. In typical GenX fashion, I don't ask for help.
That said, we are very active in our church and when we lost our house in a fire three years ago, our church family really showed up for us. I was amazed and very thankful.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
IMO a small group of good friends is way better then 100+ acquaintances. I think out of my close friend group of 5 only one of them knows how to golf. Hell out of the acquaintances I know I don't think I could get a group together to golf.
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
The irony is I don’t golf. Honestly I was kind of shocked that 2/5 friends golf.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
Same. I don't think I would even go to this event. Unless they let me drive the golf cart and scare the crap out of them but that might not be work appropriate.
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
Yeah I can’t get out of it BUT we get to go home when it’s done and day drinking is authorized.
ONROSREPUS@reddit
golf or sit at work. I wouldn't question this one either. Guess I am walking around with funny pants on for the day.
Strayriffs@reddit
This is a powerful thread and I have so much identification. 57 yrs old and moved to the Southeast a few years ago from the Northeast. I have one friend on the West Coast from a few decades ago that I’m still in touch with and a college roommate who’s still in the Northeast. I had a rough 20s and 30s and shut myself off from my past. Still don’t have a lot of friends but with all the stuff I like to do I keep super busy. I spend a good chunk of time with my missus and the dog. We’re hammered with the idea that we have to have a lot of friends to be healthy and I go back and forth on this. Sometimes I feel badly and other times I simply don’t care. This thread has helped a lot
Yesno-Yeahnaw@reddit
Up until a couple of months ago, I had one true friend. He is going through a lot of crazy crap right now and needs time to process it all. He needs space. I respect that so I am giving him all the space I can. The downside is I lost my one true friend. 😩. It really sucks.
DeeLite04@reddit
My friend group has definitely shrunk as I age. I used to go out all the time, every weekend with small or big groups.
Now, I can’t stand being around large groups. I’ve jettisoned or moved people from friend to acquaintance over the years. I see people I know who are glued to their phone all day bc they’re getting bombarded with group texts and are out every weekend. I don’t know how they have the energy for it.
I still socialize and see people for drinks and dinner. But enjoy my quiet time at home or going out with just my husband more and more. If I plan outing with someone it’s someone who adds value to my life and vice versa. Not just some person I know based on “we used to work together.”
No_Hovercraft_821@reddit
I retired and relocated so my friend network took a major hit. I have like 5 friends now plus people I stay in contact with I worked with who are mostly retired. Friend groups get prety small and stay that way unless you do new things and join new groups. I met some people through beekeeping over the last year or so.
Worth-Canary-9189@reddit
You sound like me. If you have have 5 friends, you have more than me. I have two best friends and another I don't see often. All have military connections.
Messytessy80@reddit
I have acquaintances, no homies, no friends, no comrades, nothing. But I’m cool with it .
Anonymo123@reddit
Y'all got friends, lucky.
splorp_evilbastard@reddit
Within driving distance, I have one friend (and his wife). And this is where I grew up (central Ohio).
I spent 15 years in California and 13 years in Austin. I have less than a half dozen people from Austin I text / chat with online with any regularity. I have one other friend I made online back in '98 or so, with whom I stay in touch, but again, infrequently.
_Losing_Generation_@reddit
I have 3. Had 4, but one of them died Jan 2025. I really only talk to one of them and he lives 8 states away. In my 20's and 30's there was a group of like 15 of us that were pretty tight and we did everything together, but over the years, people moved, had families and it became less and less.
Confirmationbias10@reddit
The list keeps shrinking. Before covid I would have said I have 5 friends. Now? aside from my wife (doesn't count right?) ONE. And technically he's family (2nd cousin)!
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
Covid 100% made me different. 3 months at home with my wife and high school age sons and by the time I could go back to the office I was basically a cave troll. It really knocked the extrovert out of me.
TheRealCabbageJack@reddit
I think I have a half dozen friends and two of them are actually my wife’s friends that I just also like hanging out with
Poor_Paddy1847@reddit
I (56m( have about 10 friends I see fairly regularly. Problem is getting them to hang out together. It is hard to get commingling to happen.
More_Law6245@reddit
It's a very normal thing to experience later on in life. People will always come and go in your life for different reasons and you're now in a different phase to what you were 20 years ago. Also knowing the difference between loyalty and friendship as they're completely two different things. I have a childhood friend and we were friend for over 50 years but towards the end we just drifted apart because the friendship was based upon more on loyalty rather that what the friendship bought to the table. Just a thought
RedditSkippy@reddit
I’m very fortunate to have 4-5 real friends. I always struggled socially and in many ways I feel I’m more social now than when I was a teenager.
keymonkey@reddit
I think this is a symptom of GenX generally. I had a ton of friends in school then started sloughing off the ones that never made plans with me or initiated contact. Eventually I have worked my way down to 2 true friends(bail you out of jail) not including my spouse, and a handful of acquaintances that I don't count on but are fun to have around if I'm planning a gathering, so keep in touch with randomly.
Solid-Wish-1724@reddit
This was me about 10 years ago. The acquaintances have all drifted off, some FB contact is all. I have two friends (one is several hours away and we aren't that close but she'd have my back). Recently I have a longtime friend not really responding to invitations or open-door texts and it sucks.
Junior_Ad_3301@reddit
Top-tier friends? I've got like 3. Tons of folks i talk with every time i see and whatnot, but like 3 close friends
Solid-Wish-1724@reddit
Hold on. You have 5-6 friends? What is this phenomenon?
Starkville@reddit
Same.
I’ve got some great family members, plenty of acquaintances, no friend group.
phillyphilly19@reddit
Five or six friends is plenty. How many relationships do you really want to balance?
CanMoo@reddit
Quality over quantity! ☺️
MaximumJones@reddit
Having friends sounds exhausting as fuck. Hard pass.
fogSandman@reddit
I’ve got real friends. I left the 1st set in another country, and the 2nd set on the East Coast.
Just co-workers in Cali now, but I’m an independent contractor with zero employees 😆
BperrHawaii@reddit
Me neither. I spend most of my time online and in social media because of it.
D05wtt@reddit
At our age, my friends are all over the world. So I actually don’t have any who I can have a beer with in half an hour. My best friend’s in Jakarta. A bunch in Tokyo, San Francisco, Taipei, Hong Kong, and so on. My cousins and other relatives are also spread out all over the world. And the ones I worked with, most have moved away too and I don’t get along with them anymore. So, not much going on for me. My whole life right now revolves around my aging parents and my sister and BIL and my dog.
vajrasana@reddit
Look at this guy, complaining about having ONLY 5 or 6 friends!
tango421@reddit
My brother in X, 5-6 really good friends is a LOT.
I likely have a little less but I have one truly great one and we still converse almost daily but he’s on the other side of the world.
The way the world is, frequent contact is difficult but a good friend can just pick up where you left off as if nearly no distance and time occurred.
hesathomes@reddit
I have one current legit friend. I’m in California and she’s in Germany. I feel you.
chimpyjnuts@reddit
I've always thought maybe a half-dozen really close friends was the max.
No-Hospital559@reddit
That's a lot
cascadianpatriot@reddit
Count yourself lucky you have a handful.
Admirable-Currency89@reddit
Some folks just have one, others they got none uh-huh
Iko87iko@reddit
Nobody loves me but my mother and she could be jivin too
Pinknailzz69@reddit
Jiving - 😂 only in GenX forum would you hear that!
Iko87iko@reddit
Its an old bb king diddy
https://youtu.be/oeA6AqB2T0Y?si=bLLBwGJG3URTNLd4
PahzTakesPhotos@reddit
We found out rather quickly after my husband became disabled at age 28- people aren't comfortable hanging out with disabled people. "If you need anything, just call..." does not mean what it implies.
And my husband doesn't do well with a lot of people. He's got aphasia and apraxia and can't keep up with conversations with multiple people, so he just sort of zones out. (he does that when I talk to him sometimes, except I can tell when he does and I stop talking till he notices).
I have friends through the renaissance faire community. And some of them have met my husband, but again, he's not great with larger groups. He has BEEN to the faire, but not while it was open. It was pre-season and we were delivering benches he made. (so if you go to the Bristol Renaissance Faire in Kenosha, WI and have been in the Friends of Faire garden, you've sat on his benches. Or the Queen's College, he made the calligraphy table there).
And I'm going to stop now before I start bragging on my husband and his carpentry skills (which he does with only one hand, since he's paralyzed on his right side).
TakeTheThirdStep@reddit
Is this an opportunity to invite an acquaintance and start the path to friendship?
Formal_Plum_2285@reddit
Priorities and energy change with age.
Suspicious_Time7239@reddit
If you have one true friend you are a wealthy man. Quit ur bitchin.
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
Look at George Bailey over here lol
Suspicious_Time7239@reddit
Get back to me after you attend a few funerals for your few friends.
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
Been there done that and I visit Arlington every chance I get to say hi to my battle buddy.
ElJefe0218@reddit
Dude, you have 5 friends? Quit bragging. All my friends have moved away so I haven't had a beer with a friend in 15 years, other than my wife. When I call them they say the same thing, just too far to connect with. I think some of us are just to outgoing for some people. I do party too damn hard when I get a chance so that could be the problem.
Flat_6_Theory@reddit
I have a wife, 2 kids at home, 10 cats, and an old dog. I’m surrounded by friends. Though I keep telling myself that when the doggo passes I’ll join the local car culture.
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
We lost both our dogs last year - within 4 months of each other. I have gotten really into woodworking since then and we’ve decided on no more pets. It was just too much, you know?
Flat_6_Theory@reddit
I don’t tell my wife but I worry about coping with the losses coming down the pike in the next decade with our four legged family members.
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
It sucks. No sugar coating and no getting around it. It sucks and you just have to get through it one day at a time. It never really hit my radar growing up. One day we just wouldn’t have a cat any more or our dog “went to live on a farm” but as a 50 year old that shit hurts.
Landshark-1@reddit
Pets are unconditional love. Hard to lose that bond.
Jas62021@reddit
Most of my friends have passed. Several from cancer. A few from random accidents. One fell down a flight of stairs and was in a coma for a week. Another was kicked in the head by a new horse. And sadly a few from self inflicted means. Several others have moved out of state, and out of country.
SevroTargaryen@reddit
I'd rather have a dollar than 100 pennies
Kristylane@reddit
I have one friend. And he lives a thousand miles away. But he’s my absolute best friend
In the last six months or so I seem to have developed a new friend. I dunno. I’m wary.
Reddiculusness@reddit
Most of my HS friends are either dead from something stupid, or in prison for something just as stupid. I had a kid early on, so I got busy with a family when they were out there still doing all the crazy stuff. My kids are grown with their own families now , and since my divorce I've stepped back and enjoyed the quiet time .
People I know now like to go out and have drinks more often that I care for, and I gave up alcohol years ago. It doesn't bother me at all when I count how many people I'm close to now.
Serious-Mongoose-387@reddit
lol my
73DodgeDart@reddit
You are actually doing ok with your 5 or 6 friends, especially if you see them regularly. This is not just a Gen X problem but a society wide problem especially for men. I just now watched a video talking about Andrew Mcarthy’s new book on this very subject https://youtu.be/m8NrdGoaSLQ?si=ZyQiRgU4LJD6P5JH
GboyFlex@reddit
I have 3 close friends and I'm thankful for that. I have lost so many over the years from addiction, cancer and accidents. You're doing fine with 5 or 6, so many of us have no one and are lonely...
KyotiKill@reddit
People have friends?! 🤔
I guess I just have trust issues.
ZebraBorgata@reddit
I feel like I’m an oddball in this category. I have the same half dozen friends that I grew up with in my neighborhood in the 70s and early 1980s. Aside from the wives of those buddies (and my wife) I haven’t added a new friend since 1982.
Aromatic_Revolution4@reddit
Any more than a handful of friends and you don't have friends, you have acquaintances.
HippCelt@reddit
Having this dude flex on me that he has 5/6 friends was a bit uncalled for...
skatoulaki@reddit
Quality over quantity.
Open_Appointment1091@reddit
The true ones I had are dead.
emax4@reddit
You have friends. I have none because they were all on Facebook and I never made a good enough impression on them to have them invite me to hang out, nor did they seem available enough for me to send an invite to them. Be thankful.
DFW_DADDY@reddit
It's so funny you posted this today. The people I THOUGHT were my close friends turned out were not. Even family I thought would stick by me, gone. Never hear from them. My "friends" while I do have one or two that I can just be me with and vise versa keeps getting shorter. I miss my childhood friends, the ones with all my teen years secrets, I miss them the most. They know me, or at least know my story. IDK.. it's lonely getting old.
skeeterbmark@reddit
I have 6-7 local friends I’d call close friends, and probably 5-6 more close HS/college friends that don’t live nearby.
SXTY82@reddit
I remember my dad making a new friend in his 60s and realizing he had nobody other than my mom for about 6 years. Horrified me because I had so many friends.
I have less. far less than I used to. I still know those people but we have all changed and found other interests. My best friend went far right so I can't really talk to him anymore. We just argue or talk about our motorcycles. Went from hanging out ever weekend to talking on the phone every few months. Others have died. Others live on the other side of the world. Others are married and just don't have the time/ emotional room. I went from being able to fill my house pre covid for a FriendsGiving the Saturday after Thanksgiving to having nothing to do on weekends. It sucks and all can be traced back to COVID.
Hot_Rock@reddit
Haven’t had a friend in thirty years. I have work friends but that strictly ends at quitting time. I don’t blame anyone but myself. I’ve gotten really good at keeping myself company so I’m not struggling day to day. It’s just when I reflect it really hits me
kat2211@reddit
If it makes you feel better, that means you have a handful more than me.
Willing_Crazy699@reddit
I'm a loner and I'm older..I work with the public, but I work alone. The friendships I had from when I was younger have drifted into oblivion.
Saw your post and realized I have zero actual friends and I'm good with that
magdocjr@reddit
This is me as well. I work with people all day and I’m out of words by the end of the day. I have come to the realization that I just don’t like people in general
Deer-in-Motion@reddit
I haven't had local friends for literally decades now.
LissaBryan@reddit
My one IRL friend died in 2017.
While I miss her, I don't miss having a friend. Not enough to put in the effort to make another. Friendships take a lot of work, and honestly, I prefer peace and quiet. I get enough social interaction from my husband and online friends.
mtcrick@reddit
It's my opinion that this has a couple of causes. I'm also in this situation. For me, I'm not a real people person. And I am also really selective about my friends. A very close friend died several years ago and the effort of making new friends of that caliber are just not something I'm all that interested in expending on just anyone.
My very best friend was a roommate in college and I'm thrilled that she's local again. We spend a lot of quality time together just going through life issues together.
My spouse is my other best friend.
I count my sister as a close friend too, though she lives far away.
I'm good with those. As an introvert, I don't feel the need to be going out and making friends. I have lots of acquaintances and that's fine.
BradGunnerSGT@reddit
I also have only a handful of friends, but since I moved halfway across the country about 18 months ago, I have no one to talk to. I work from home and don’t really have a way to meet new people. We live in a small community so there isn’t much to do here. It’s really depressing.
Exciting_Pass_6344@reddit
Same. I live in Phoenix. My friends are in Nashville and Chicago. I don’t work from home though, so I at least get some in person interaction
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
I found that playing World of Warcraft actually helped me with that. There’s a decent bit of social interaction and groups to join and I’ve had some really nice times with it.
Old_Use7058@reddit
Just need one with a truck and or shovel
OldFitDude75@reddit (OP)
Or a pig farm!
Old_Use7058@reddit
With at least 16 piggys to finish the job I. One sitting g
Pen_Vast@reddit
I think 2-5 close friends is very typical for this age. Just seems to be the common arc of our relationships.
CheekEmbarrassed1516@reddit
If it helps so do I
sjmiv@reddit
I have regularly scheduled get togethers that help maintain friendships. Once a month poker games, weekly gaming sessions etc. That's the best way to do it, for me. Also fuck social media. You shouldn't need a product to maintain your friendships. It's probably the worst thing to happen to society in the past 10 years.
VeryHairyGuy77@reddit
A handful of real friends sounds about right.
Folks who'd drop what they're doing if you needed them, not friends only when it's convenient.
Habeas-Opus@reddit
Give me five good friends who I can be real with over 50 who are essentially a network that I have to manage any day.
I’ve come to accept that even close friends ebb and flow in our lives as circumstances, location, or interests change. If you’ve got a core four or a fave five, enjoy the heck out of them!