If you could have one 'do over' in your life, what would you do differently?
Posted by Secure_Front_7766@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 88 comments
Is there anything you have done OR experienced in your life that if you could do it again, you would do differently or go about it in a different way?
Skate_beard@reddit
I wouldn't have gotten married to the woman I did.
Completely wasted my thirties and endured years of abuse.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
As someone who is nearly 30 (and feeling like he’s still 25 mentally) I feeling like my life is ending soon, any advice?
My life’s decent but I’m not exactly happy, biggest noteworthy things are I’ve got a decent job (nearly 30k a year) it’s boring, I have no interest in it, but it’s easy and I get paid decently.
I’m in a 8 year relationship, bought a house with her, and she’s great, yeah things aren’t perfect but they never are are they? The unperfect things I can easily ignore.
I don’t feel like I wasted my 20s however, I feel that time could be better spent knowing what I know now. Don’t want to repeat that in my 30s
TheBestBigAl@reddit
I don't mean to put you down, but for a job you don't like I'd say the pay isn't actually that great (unless you live somewhere with a low cost of living).
Living wage is about £24.5k, and the "real living wage" or whatever it's called is around £27k. If you're pay is "almost 30k" (i.e. less than 30k), it's not that far above the minimum you could be paid.
I don't mean this in a "why don't you just get a job that pays more" sense, as that's the most annoying and out of touch advice ever. I only mention it because I've been in the same position and thought "well the bills are getting paid, what more could I want?".
I needed someone to give me a nudge before I started looking elsewhere, and basically every job I found was better than the one I had at the time (retail management) in one way or another.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
Yeah I’m on real living wage. But honestly it’s the most I’ve been paid so far, I’m going to a new team soon which will be better in the long run. with my luck I thought I’d be stuck on minimum wage for the rest of my life.
The problem is with getting another job is two things, I don’t really think there is anything I could do for an employer that would interest me to be honest, like I said in another comment, it’s a pretty big jump to claim but it is one anyway.
Plus, i don’t think I’d be able to earn more than I am now without some kind of training, degree, etc.
I already have a degree, a first class degree, worked my arse off for it and when I was applying for design jobs, it almost meant nothing
trippykitsy@reddit
You might be on minimum wage soon if you're not careful. My job never boosted my wage with inflation unless I was going to be below minimum wage.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
Nah I’m good, i had a pay increase due to inflation last month
parksa@reddit
What brings you joy?
To say you feel your life is ending is so sad to read. I'm 34f, single and can relate to the job aspect. I was an A&E nurse for years loved the work in some ways but it broke me eventually. I now get paid well to do a fairly monotonous senior nurse job, I like it enough but I don't get the satisfaction I did from the other job.
I just spend time doing hobbies I love, taking care of myself and socialising where I can in my off time. I recently started dating but honestly am very ok with my own company and life if nothing deep develops with somebody. I only share this because reading you feel you have no life shocked me at such a tender age. I left a fiance at 28 because life was just 'fine' and I felt like I could be a better version of myself that he held me back from being.
Skate_beard@reddit
The best advice I could give-
Don't stay in something you aren't happy with just because you feel obligated to.
I'm 41 now, I was married for 7 years, I should have ended it after about 3 years, but felt like I had made my bed and had to lie in it.
Also, make time for yourself, be passionate about hobbies, I still feel 25 mentally, and younger physically than my years because my hobbies keep me young, I've been skateboarding 25 years and I'm better now than I've ever been. My hobbies are what get me out of bed in the mornings, and give me a financial purpose to earn and support them.
Like you, I am very meh about my job and career, despite it paying well and being stable.
Look after your health, eat well, don't smoke, cut down or quit drinking. Make sure you keep fit and physical.
I'm enjoying my 40s sofar, there is definitely hope. So don't throw in the towel just yet.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
Nah I do enjoy being with her, say 100% is perfect, I’d happily say it’s 90%
The staying in something I feel obligated to is my job really, I’ve always been artistic, always wanted to create for pay, but I’ve realised that it’s easier said then done.
The whole creative career is a huge ass spectrum, I wouldn’t want to be a general artist that I know pays well. I’d want to be a specialist and do what I want and get paid for it, but that is even harder to get than the latter.
I have a degree in design, and I’ve thought about chasing it up on and off, but honestly? I see it more as a skill like a tradie than my passion, Espc with the job market, what a lot of design is as an employer, etc.
Really jumping to conclusions here but I don’t really think I’d be happy in a job to any employer, unless it was something where I had complete creative direction over it. I don’t know once again it’s hard to kinda articulate because obviously each element has its own huge spectrum
Skate_beard@reddit
Yeah that's fair enough, I studied product design myself, ended up working in retail display design which isn't exactly glamorous.
Don't even do creative work these days as I manage a team of designers and engineers, but it pays the bills better so I can't complain.
In my experience design jobs are more rewarding in smaller companies, but the work culture and individual opportunities can vary massively company to company.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
Yeah I can imagine, I think generally there’s a low ceiling for pay when youre actually creating stuff, if you want more money, you need to go into management (borrrrinnngggggg)
pryonic1705@reddit
I'd tell my younger self that exercise was actually important. PE at school really put me off exercise - bullying kids, dmismissive teachers who only cared about the lads who were good at football and my general inability at team sports. It made me actually anti-exercise and in my uni years and early years of my career I did no exercise and got fat.
I'm 43 now, I've been exercising since I was 30 after joining a gym near work and now I run a lot but I should can't shift the weight I put on. I'm healthy(ish), my blood pressure is good, my resting heart rate is 53 bpm but I'm fat. I'd would have been much easier if I never gained the weight in the first place. I'd tell younger me that solitary exercise is something you can enjoy and future you will thank you
lost-in-midgard@reddit
I'm divorced and my mind immediately went there, but I got my two beautiful kids from it, so for all the pain it caused I wouldn't change it.
I'm currently watching my dream career in software testing get shredded by AI in real time, and now it's feeling like a really awful thing to specialise in.
I think the biggest learning from these things is, you can't predict the future, and enjoy good stuff while it lasts.
AndrewHinds67@reddit
Relationships.
jaimefay@reddit
I wouldn't have trusted him when he gave me that drink.
I have relatively few regrets; even the things that went badly wrong in the end led me to where I am today.
But I will never again take a drink I haven't had my eyes on since it was poured. You only have to make some mistakes once.
shredditorburnit@reddit
I'd avoid taking on my current project house if I'd known I was going to become disabled halfway through.
And just for kicks, when I eventually do get it finished I'm going to have to sell it because I can't manage the stairs.
FreshMontrealer12@reddit
I was lucky to have peaked in life quite early on but didn’t realise it. Perfect rented seafront apartment, great landlord, dream car paid, good friends, fun job, nice holidays etc. Then I go the opportunity to go abroad, so I left what ended up being 3 months before Covid. Well, it’s downhill from there, I climbed the corporate ladder, bought the house etc. It’s awful. Too much stress and I’d go back to the old life tomorrow if I could. My bar job was the best thing I had. Trying to get out of it and back to the simple life but so many extra hurdles now
jooniejoon3@reddit
Tell people I love them more, not assume they always thought so. Spend more time with my grandad. Talked to my great grandad more often about his time fighting during World 2 as an Indian soldier.
Unfortunately, I can only really change the first now.
WGSMA@reddit
I’d have watched TV shows and movies I love, spoiler free
trippykitsy@reddit
i love this comment. everyone is talking about how they handled their parents dying and how they dropped out of school and here's you, "i wish i hadnt been spoilt on the ending of Game of Thrones". you are totally valid.
L-0-T-H-0-S@reddit
Nothing. You're the product of what you do, good, bad, indifferent or just plain dumb. If you don't fuck up you don't learn how to do things right.
So, nothing. A life without regret isn't much of a life to begin with,
trippykitsy@reddit
It's easy to say when you have only small regrets, but many people make massive mistakes that eat at them for the rest of their lives.
strawberryblondey@reddit
Not let my mental health fester for so long and be constantly palmed off by drs with pill after pill and useless online therapy. I'd be a much better person and not so far behind in life as i am now.
trippykitsy@reddit
You don't know that. You could have done everything right and still be struggling or even seriously injured!
trippykitsy@reddit
there are a couple of times i wish id said or done something different, something better, but i dont have any major regrets. i think i love a very fortunate life.
ToadInTheHole7181@reddit
Skip university and learn a trade, maybe in the RAF.
TraditionalScheme337@reddit
University! Dont get me wrong, I had a good time mostly but now I am 42 with a family, mortgage, a really demanding job and the constant stress of building my career, a few years of parties, coursework, all the sport my 18 year old body could take and general fun sounds stunning!
Upbeat-Fish-3348@reddit
I wished I was more active as a kid because I've always been overweight since I was little and now I feel it's really affected my life in terms of what I might have done. I would've also learnt how to drive at 17 instead of waiting until I'm 28.
Career and business wise, I'd of not wasted so much money trying to start a business which led to me going bankrupt at 21.
KittyMilly@reddit
Not going to uni.
Little-Grub@reddit
How I handled my dad being terminally ill, and his death. We all basically ignored it was happening, made some jokes about it, and carried on as best we could. I was pregnant when he got the diagnosis, and my baby was very young when my dad passed. I spent at least the first 8 months just ignoring that he was gone, then it hit me all at once and I lost the plot. I wished I'd talked to him more openly about happy memories, there are lots of things I wish I'd said and didn't because I didn't want to upset him.
Decent_Confidence_36@reddit
Same with me. Mum got motor neuron disease pretty much did everything but acknowledge what it was and what was going to happen… regret not saying things I was thinking at the time, 11 years later I still can’t deal with death or serious illnesses to people I care about
HotPaleontologist589@reddit
Same here but with my dad. He didn’t want to talk about it, so we didn’t. I hope he knows how much I love him
SharpAardvark8699@reddit
He'll have known x
Commercial-Bat-4534@reddit
£200 on bitcoin when I was 12 and got an inheritance and bank account, also, don't lose the bank account details
Techpreist_X21Alpha@reddit
There are several things that i would have changed:
Pick the right university course and pick a course that would have got me a job. Perhaps in the medical field like dentistry. i picked IT and to make it worse i chose a jack of all trades degree and i went to a disappointing uni. That decision has impacted my entire adult life stuck doing a job where i earn less then the average worker.
Buy a house earlier in my life. ok granted, this might be a bit tricky, as was only 20 at 2016 and i was in uni. i should have jumped on the property ladder sooner . Now? i can't even make it on there where i live. i've been saving and only now i'm at the stage of i can afford a home, but can't afford to keep it.
improve family relations. i'm not going to lie, i was a handful and i should have been a better person to my Mum (2002) and also my twin brother (2023).
johnnyjonnyjonjon@reddit
In 2005 I left a steak on the BBQ for slightly too long.
Decent_Confidence_36@reddit
Thoughts and prayers
Hank_Wankplank@reddit
Invested the absolute wads of disposible income I had in my early 20's instead of pissing it away on pointless crap. I could have retired with a million in the bank at the age of 65 without having to do anything if I'd chucked it all in the S&P500, I just didn't have a clue about any of it at that age. Now I'm having to play catch up in my 40's instead.
ettierey@reddit
i would have got help for my mental health when i was 15 or so. could have potentially saved me a lot of pain.
brizzle9293@reddit
Got stuck into things more and put my neck out, everywhere you go you’re criticised for trying to do anything more or different. Lots of missed opportunities
Reasonable-Fail-1921@reddit
I would ask out the boy I fancied in school - I don’t know if he would’ve said yes, but I think not asking him started a chain reaction that ended up with me in an emotionally abusive & controlling relationship with an older man. Butterfly effect and all that!
The terrible relationship resulted in me losing touch with school friends and completely missing out on that teen / early 20s stage of life - now I’m on the other side where I have a sensible job with a mortgage and other responsibilities, I never would’ve been a crazy party and it’s worked out ok but I do often wonder where I’d be now if I hadn’t been dragged down for 8+ years!
Barbora1519@reddit
Don’t waste money. Most things I’ve ever bought are now in charity shops on been thrown away . Spending thousands and thousands on my family was pointless. They didn’t need it and my mum never appreaciate it . Always feeling like I was the one who always had to pay for a meal when going out with friends (who had just as much money as I did ) was just a reflection of how I felt about myself rather than generosity . I should have saved every penny , bought a property early in life . If I had done that , I wouldn’t have to worry about my next dental or vet bill now .
hide_in_plain_sight_@reddit
Really commit to playing a sport from early teens, to see if I could make it professionally.
zah_ali@reddit
Gosh, now there’s a question that comes to my mind frequently. Married the wrong person, didn’t take heed of the many, many red flags. Needless to say the marriage didn’t last and the divorce was one of the most stressful moments of my life (add on top I was made redundant from a job I’d been in for years and we’d just bought a house too)
Often wonder how life would have turned out had I not gone down that path. Looking back I can’t believe how stupid I was, but I guess hindsight and all that.
On the plus side I’m in a much better job and happily married for several years so I guess it worked out in the end.
DrH1983@reddit
not tried to pursue my dreams or ambitions after uni and just get a steady job instead. All pursuing my dreams has done is set me back a decade at least.
Jealous_Parsnip_4619@reddit
more social activities/less obsessed with routine
WinkyNurdo@reddit
I’d go for that pint with my dad.
kylehyde84@reddit
Exercise and not get fat in my 20s. It's a lot harder to lose now in in my 40s
Mr_Bumcrest@reddit
I would have taken the opportunity to take a secondment rather than sticking where I am now
Spyro_0@reddit
Idve saved more money instead of spending it, 28 now and managed to buy my own home but honestly me and my wife could've done it sooner if we were more careful.
reddog_72@reddit
At school, a girl I really liked and thought was fantastic, asked me out on a date but she was being egged on by a small group of girls that I was uncomfortable with. I agreed to the date with no intention of actually going because I didn't think it was genuine. She never spoke to me again. I wish I had more confidence in myself at that time and I don't know if I'd have been ready to date at that age but even today I wish I had her friendship at the very least.
Swimbearuk@reddit
Probably making better choices in school, which A Levels to take, which degree to apply for, and studying better throughout because I only really learnt how to study during my degree.
Although, I went to a school which was awful in terms of A level choices, so many of the options I wanted to take just weren't available to me, like double maths and computing.
Also, none of my family had any experience of studying past 16 or going to university, so I was left to figure it out for myself.
I did really well in university, but discovered that it didn't matter when finding a job because companies look at A Level grades, and I was competing with candidates who went to great schools producing 4-5 A Levels with good grades for even average pupils. Nobody in my school did more than 3 A levels, and even the cleverest students were mostly getting B grades.
I did find a job, but missed out on all the graduate positions that my university peers were getting. It was a programming job with a company that didn't invest in its staff, and lasted until the financial crisis, and now I drive buses for work because that lack of investment left me with only outdated skills.
terryjuicelawson@reddit
I got into cycling to work far too late, the amount of time and pain in the arse getting buses still annoys me. It got me fit and kickstarted the day. Probably should have got some household jobs done sooner, I just put them off for no real reason and lived with it but turns out it isn't as expensive or a pain as I assumed.
Embarrassed_Park2212@reddit
When I first met my ex husband, we spilt about 6 months after we first met. I should have walked away then but because I was fat and stupid, I thought he'd be better than nothing.
Unfortunately, it took me a long time to realise that he was a really horrible person. If I hadn't met him though, I wouldn't have my daughter so that is the only positive thing.
It also took me a very long time to realise that me and relationships just don't go together and so the last 10 years or so I've been single and very happy.
folklovermore_@reddit
I would have saved more money when I first started working and still lived at home so didn't have tons of expenses. I'm in a good financial position now, but it's been a bit of a bumpy ride the last few years, and I think having a better cushion might have helped.
maersyl@reddit
Not study music technology and then design at BSc and MA respectively and actually go study something that would've set me up for better jobs so I can afford to follow my passions in music and arts outside of work.
pickindim_kmet@reddit
I think I'd probably, at 18 or so, really put 100% effort into finding a specific career or skill. I backed out of an opportunity at 16 and carried on with sixth form and never went back to it. In theory, it could have set me up with a great job that will always be needed. If I had just focused and put more importance towards career at that age things would be so much different for me.
breaded_skateboard@reddit
Not leave my dad's balls
ImpossibleKoala261@reddit
I wouldn't bother making contact my estranged father. Granted my mum moved us from the country I was born in but still, if he had wanted to know me, he would have made the effort.
People tell me all the time that it must have been so nice to find out I have half siblings. No, not really. They grew up well off and with both parents, both of whom just didn't speak of my existence, while me and my mum had our struggles.
Like many people, he was very contritional when he got older and I told him I loved him and forgave him on his death bed. The truth is I didn't mean a word of it. Because you can't love someone you don't even know. It was always just an act of kindness for a dying stranger.
headinthexlouds20@reddit
Never shown up the first uni event.
IllManufacturer5759@reddit
It’s really sad actually but I would have said yes to going into a long term foster placement when I was younger. I’d have avoided a lot of trauma n it would have made an impact on my life now (I think)
SharpAardvark8699@reddit
Similar but I'd had left home a lot earlier. Getting older I can see in my mum a lot of the things that caused me mental issues which I couldn't comprehend at the time and my dad too
IllManufacturer5759@reddit
It’s so hard leaving parents but it’s harder knowing the long term impact they had on your life and mental health! I moved 4 hours away at 18 and have no regrets. I hope you’re doing well x
Sugarlips_80@reddit
Learn to manage my money better from a young age. Maybe not a do over but something I wish my parents had taught me, especially around pensions and savings as I am 45 now and very little on the pension pot due to withdrawing from schemes with various employers to be able to afford to pay my bills. Now panicking a little (also about to take VR so thinking about fresh starts) as I have nothing and need something, especially after watch my mum struggle on the state pension alone.
handsome_vulpine@reddit
I'd definitely look into my Autism and possible ADHD a lot sooner in life. They're probably the reason why I've always struggled in life and thus why my life ended up the mess that it is.
Unusual_Sherbert2671@reddit
I moved countries in my early 30s, wished I had gone 5 years sooner.
quarky_uk@reddit
Probably given up on that girl when I was 23.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
Can relate to this one too, fresh at uni, met this girl, she was toxic, but I didn’t give up, at the cost of my own mental and physical health. I call it a steep learning curve and character building.
Secure_Front_7766@reddit (OP)
Can definitely relate to this one. I gave up on someone far too early too at 21.
thread_cautiously@reddit
I'd be selfish.
I put my loved ones before myself in every situation (which I dont regret, because I love them), but in one particular situation some years back, I wish I hadn't. With everything in me I wish I had been selfish because it"s the one thing I regret even to this day.
GnarGiraffe@reddit
I went through art education (school, college, uni) expecting at some point to taught how to draw (construction lines, form, etc, the stuff you need to be able to draw from imagination).
I never was, I have attempted to do an online course to help me do such, but the course isn’t really tailored for people who work full time, and it isn’t really possible.
So, something along these lines I guess, I’m nearly 30, and don’t really have the artistic skills I feel like I should have. Something i constantly beat myself up about but lately I’m just accepting that it is what it is.
knightsbridge-@reddit
I made a lot of objectively bad choices in my 20s, but I don't think I'd do anything differently.
If I hadn't made those mistakes, I might not be where I am right now. And I love the life I have right now. Wherever the me that took a different road might've ended up, I'm happy to stay where I am.
handsome_vulpine@reddit
Mmm that is the tradeoff of doing things over, giving up and losing whatever good things you have in your current life, or losing and having to re-do projects you've done during whatever part of your life you want to re-do so you have to weigh if it's worth it or if you can do the parts you want to keep the same way.
Leather_Stretch4701@reddit
Good statement to make
9182tlm@reddit
Kamikaze headfirst into my mother’s uterine wall.
zephyrmox@reddit
It's extremely difficult because the things I would very much do differently now lead me to actually sort myself out as I touched a low that forced me to make real change. I imagine if I'd have done things differently at that point I would've ended up doing something equally destructive in the longer term.
brokenlogic18@reddit
Probably just try and get into fitness from a younger age!
Disastrous-Place-846@reddit
Not go to prison i reckon
PoolRamen@reddit
I've thought about this before and you know, I don't think I will change anything.
Everything I did catastrophically wrong, botched or otherwise in a similar vein had done to me has taught me what not to repeat (and not in a techbro learning lessons way - in one ear and out the other). If I'd magicked those moments away, I would be truly insufferable or worse and oblivious to it. I might wish how those went differently but from my PoV at least, maybe it was for the best.
I took pretty much all the opportunities I could get. I did quite well. Any that I didn't could have lead to something else, but I'm OK with where I am now.
So I have my regrets, but that's purely what they are - regrets. They don't eat at me.
gemmanotwithaj@reddit
Carried on with my education instead of dropping out of college. I had a grant set up to go to drama school in London
Positive_Ad3450@reddit
Chase a job I would actually enjoy doing. I spend too much of my life at a job that is mentally and physically exhausting and I wish it was something better.
Leather_Stretch4701@reddit
Learn more at school and get a better career
ThrowRAkitty13@reddit
Be born to a different family
Anxious_Summer9975@reddit
Made more time and showed more affection to grandparents.
Secure_Front_7766@reddit (OP)
this one hits. im the same with my granddad. he was my father figure and passed just as i was becoming a young adult exploring life away from home.
Chimpy20@reddit
As a gay dude, if I could tell my 18-year-old self "No, your probably-straight friends are never going to fall for you, move on" would have saved me years of misery!
No-History-6584@reddit
I probably would’ve gotten my passport earlier. We weren’t a rich family growing up, so never had holidays abroad. As soon as my sister was 17 she started the process, and went away on her own at 18. I waited and waited. I missed out on so many holidays, and opportunities due to my laziness. I had to decline the opportunity to study for a year in St Petersburg because I didn’t have my passport.
I eventually got my passport in my mid-20s and being able to travel has given me some of the best experiences of my life so far!
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