ULPT Request:
Posted by qnqp@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 72 comments
How can I deter people from stealing and or picking from my community garden plot? I’ve had people pull plants out and steal my fruits and veggies. Super frustrating because I put a lot of time and effort in. Thanks.
onwardtowaffles@reddit
Weirdly I have the opposite problem. I want people harvesting my garden because we live in a food desert.
SaltyPopcornKitty@reddit
I think the interesting part of this post is “community garden plot” if you want to keep it for yourself, plant it in your yard. Typically most community gardens are open for (gasp!) all of the community to enjoy.
muirnoire@reddit
That's not how they work at all. Everyone has their own raised bed usually about 4x6 feet of which there maybe 30 or 40 in a single community garden. Each is tended by an individual or family. They are little microcosms. It's on the honor system to not steal from a plot that is not yours. People tend hours and wait days and months for things to grow and mature. Raping that is a sacrilegious breach of etiquette.
MET1@reddit
How are other garedeners in the communal garden handling this? Maybe there can be a group effort? Not ULP but still could work.
BettyOnTheBar@reddit
Print a simple sign that says something like "Garden under video monitoring, theft reported to city / HOA" and stick a cheap dummy dome camera on the closest post. Casual grabbers usually move on when they think they're being watched.
Aggravating_Act0417@reddit
Really? Maybe they need the food.
I thought community gardens went to feed the hungry
Greenfireflygirl@reddit
Put up a sign detailing how you use humanure and compost your own, how you haven't flushed poop since 2016, and how you are using urine to spray as an organic pesticide. Leave a couple two litre bottles of "urine" looking liquid out and label it as organic spray. Just use water, a drop of dish soap and some food colouring though, you don't want to risk being fined for leaving hazardous waste around. It just needs to look like pee. Have a plastic container with your compost in it.
Humanure is a real thing. Even the people who use it, and who actually compost it properly are divided on using it on food crops. I mean, if you don't have hep c, you're not going to infect yourself with hep c by coming into contact with your own blood but someone else, won't know what diseases you have. Same for your poop. You can compost it all you want, if you don't have parasites then your poop, and your humanure won't have them either. But other microbes etc can grow in it if you don't compost it hot enough to kill them and turn that poop into something more like milorganite where people are less grossed out about using it... But still likely won't want it on their food plots.
So probably don't actually compost your own poop for this, just make people think you do.
Oh, pee does actually have value too in the composting world, so feel free to add your piss discs to your compost piles too. Just make sure the compost gets hot enough to finish before you use it and also water it too so it doesn't reek.
But yeah, be the weirdo with the garden that grows from poop and no one is picking your tomatoes after that, unless they can't read.
Greenfireflygirl@reddit
Oh also there are people who use menstrual blood in their compost too, adding it to houseplants even. I bet you could have a moon garden and put signs up about how you use your moon time to collect your moonthy gift, giving it back to the great mother, or whatever. Sorry if there are any moon worshipping goddess followers I've offended, but you've gotta agree even if you think it's magical and natural, so many people won't and will shun the garden if they think it was near any bodily fluids.
So OP take your pic on what level of gross weirdness you want. Either option will mean you get it all to yourself, but probably won't let you swap gluts of tomatoes with someone else's glut of cucumbers.
Disastergirl13@reddit
Post a big sign that you fertilize using human urine. That should do it…
SatisfactionOk5226@reddit
Companion plant some less desirable to eat or pick plants in between the rows of veggies. If you have sweet peppers, maybe ghost peppers would be suitable. Jerusalem fartichokes in with the potatoes. I'm sure that you could still tell the difference, but if your garden wasn't so safe, maybe your thieves would clear off. Ethical tip? Put up a fake cam and a really obvious sign saying it's covered by cctv.
Particular-Tax8106@reddit
I’d be pissed if I was trying to steal artichokes and they were actually FARTichokes….
SatisfactionOk5226@reddit
Chokeberries won't hurt you but they can be mislabeled as black currants or whatever and the thief won't enjoy eating them
variousnewbie@reddit
I say create a pepper x solution and spray all the stuff down. Never touch again yourself without gloves but let the thieves have fun stealing and touching their face 😂
Wulf2k@reddit
I don't raid gardens, but a reliable source of ghost peppers would tempt me.
junoprobelaunch1@reddit
we will be friends in the apocalypse
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
Plant a load of Datura.
avindictiveprinter@reddit
Then you'll just end up with hippie bros hanging around. :b
Sunlit53@reddit
Chicken wire/hardware mesh net against the pests.
No-Lifeguard9194@reddit
This is a really good idea
ww11gunny@reddit
Plant some pineapples you bought from a mysterious stranger. Using fishing line tie the straightened loosened "stem" guaranteed they won't do it again in fact they will leave and spread some high quality organic fertilizer
k5light@reddit
Can you explain this? I do not understand
ww11gunny@reddit
They will have a blast once they figure it out
drunkandpassedout@reddit
Only thing I can think of is pineapple = grenade.
variousnewbie@reddit
Yea... Especially the not do it again and spreading quality fertilizer.
BadLighting@reddit
Grow nettles as a companion plant.
AromaticBlock781@reddit
Maybe you can put one of those warning pesticide signs up
wtf_ing@reddit
Put up a sign that you fertilize with your own shit.
variousnewbie@reddit
"x garden proudly uses human compost as sole fertilizer! Great for local water/waste treatment, great for veggies."
Don't even need to clarify human compost means human shit, offensive enough as is.
SphericalOrb@reddit
Capcasin spray to deter the "deer" munching your veg.
Nettles interspersed for your "arthritis" and to make tea.
Will you need some gloves and thick pants to work in your own garden? Yes. But once you wash your produce it should be fine to eat. Also I love nettles personally. Very nutrient dense, light green flavor kinda like if you ate mint greens that were barely minty.
Amonette2012@reddit
They make a great pasta sauce with so e garlic.
SphericalOrb@reddit
TIL! That sounds great.
Amonette2012@reddit
Add pine nuts too.
variousnewbie@reddit
You're just making nettle pesto.
Amonette2012@reddit
Yeah pretty much!
bigbjarne@reddit
Here in Finland we eat nettlesoup but it's quite rare.
Particular_Shock_554@reddit
Some roses would go nicely.
poop_report@reddit
Stinging nettles are good for the soil, too!
Tasty-Adhesiveness66@reddit
I would plant poison ivy/oak around the garden
variousnewbie@reddit
Nooo! That shit is invasive. You'll be the one struggling with it for years.
SeeMarkFly@reddit
Put up a sign: Organic Heirloom garden vegetables $50 @ lb.
Now if you can catch them you can claim much more in small claims court.
Embarrassed-Row-2025@reddit
Ag law is blood vicious, but... You really need to look into the ifs and and but's, like some places landscape "fruit" like Japanese plums or crab-apple is fair game unless it's "separated" from the public... But if you can hit them under ag law the damages usually are enough to make even the judge wince... Tip a cow and it gets hurt, you bought it and 10 generations at premium market price...
variousnewbie@reddit
You can't actually tip a cow. You can definitely hurt cows or yourself and startling them in a pasture.
kaett@reddit
this is why my friend and i always considered cow painting as a viable alternative.
BoozeIsTherapyRight@reddit
This is true. Under ag law, if a dog kills one of my hens the owner owes me for the cost of the hen plus I forget how many generations of her offspring (if I'm breeding chickens) plus the eggs she would have given us over her useful lifespan.
BaconLibrary@reddit
Is there any signage that indicates that this is a plot you rent and private use-only? Most folks hear 'community garden' and may assume it's for anyone. Either they don't know, or they do know and choose to ignore it.
For an ULPT, go the guilt route and add a tag like "These vegetables are proudly grown for QNQP's Home For Starving Children with donations made possible by Charlie's Dying Wish foundation "
knoxcos@reddit
I’m not sure that you can, aside from maybe throwing up a ring-type surveillance camera. Even then you may not recognize who they are.
I would guess this is why so few community gardens exist, despite being a great use of land in any neighborhood.
b0sscrab@reddit
Motion detector hooked to some loud horn?
petals4u2@reddit
Add a sign saying smile you are being recorded. 🤷♀️
SeeMarkFly@reddit
Motion detector hooked to sprinklers.
ColdSmashedPotatoes4@reddit
Electric fencing.
Embarrassed-Row-2025@reddit
Ran as the support wire... Just don't forget to unplug and discharge it before entering
bikumz@reddit
They have these for bird deterrence for ponds, highly suggest. Some of them go quite far though.
Deadman1966@reddit
Motion detector hooked to piss disks.
Difficult-Prior3321@reddit
Not every inconvenience calls for an unethical response. This sounds like one of them. You don't specify what kind of community garden. Do you rent the plot for your own use? Is it considered communal? No matter, a note explaining why they shouldn't harvest freely and perhaps asking them to contact you or a resource on how to get food would be a great place to start.
Spike36O@reddit
big mural of eyes, psychologically we carry more shame even with with fake eyes watching us
searching-for-milfs@reddit
fence
qnqp@reddit (OP)
There is one.
searching-for-milfs@reddit
higher fence?
Tronracer@reddit
Barbed Wire?
Embarrassed-Row-2025@reddit
Electrified
theJayonnaise@reddit
Also grow Carolina Reapers or ghost chillis blitz super fine, strain and add to a spray pack and apply to the crop, let the spice flow!
DoallthenKnit2relax@reddit
"The Spice must flow." - DUNE, Frank Herbert.
variousnewbie@reddit
Buy a pepper x online, blitz and spray it over everything. Never touch your garden again without gloves, but let them have fun after they've picked veggies and touch their face.
Embarrassed-Row-2025@reddit
Look for anti-lick or chew spray in the dog or pet section, usual a pretty intense but safe bitterant. Mix it with some OC or similar "animal repellent" or look up your own of Neem oil, pepper oil (OC) garlic oil, egg(whites) and possibly insecticide soap...
Should wash off cleanly with a mild detergent, it's all listed organic gardening substances etc.
OR write a big sign "these rows treated with pesticide- do not enter or harvest"
Or do both, and make sure you leave noxious looking litter around like the fold out sheet for pesticide etc
YouArentReallyThere@reddit
That’s a serious breach of etiquette! I would put up a game camera and plant a wall of stinging nettles.
_synik@reddit
You say it's a "Community Garden", yet you say the plants are yours. Which is it?
If you don't want "your plants" disturbed, put them in your personal space, or place piss discs around your plants.
variousnewbie@reddit
People can have personal plots in a community garden. The garden is community, for people who cannot grow at home. The growth is not community. Some people also pay for plots in community gardens.
Pining4theFjord@reddit
What is the set up like? I imagine other folks have plots there too? You said you have a fence, but it’s it around just yours, or the whole area? And is it just tall enough to keep out bunnies, or people?
AlexNKarlie@reddit
I saw a garden once with a bulletin board. There was photo evidence of the thieves picking the veggies. I bet there were a lot of complaints and curses when the photos appeared. I thought it was funny.
Blunt_but_Honest98@reddit
You could put a ornamental variety within closer reach of the fence. One that’s either painfully hot or bitter. Alternatively, if you have a trellis by the entrance, put some clematis up on that. That stuff burns like a mofo.
EmotionSix@reddit
Plant more than you need so you’ll still have leftovers after the thefts
Whisperlee@reddit
Plant a field full of poison ivy