What are some deep, thought provoking questions you can ask someone to get to know them better?
Posted by Secure_Front_7766@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 92 comments
What are some questions or conversations starters you could use on somebody who you’re just getting to know to get just that little bit more out of them. Something that you could use to spark a different kind of conversation that isn’t just your typical stuff.
Would love to hear everyone’s suggestions.
Milk_no_sugar123@reddit
I was meeting a friend of a friend for coffee and was a bit nervous, I had my four year old with me and she immediately confidently broke the ice by asking “what’s your favourite thing in the sky?” which led to an animated discussion about what counted as ‘in the sky’ and whether my daughter was allowed to pick both unicorns and dragons. (We decided yes!). Not a question I’d ever have thought to ask but now my go to discussion question!
spokenwealth@reddit
"What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?"
TheLittleChikk@reddit
Would you rather fight an orangutan randomly once a year, or a chicken every time you have to get into your car?
It's actually a pretty fun question.
crgoodw@reddit
My go to question in these situations is:
"You can only keep two: bread, chocolate or cheese?"
It's not deep per se, but it does spark some really interesting debate and conversation with a stranger or person you dont know well, and can be revealing in terms of the why (met a guy once who I found out had lived and worked in France for years following a divorce, purely down to his lengthy speech about how cheese and bread were god tier foods).
escapingfromelba@reddit
I have to say, I find questions like this so contrived that they are utterly useless and colour my opinion of the person asking them unless it's an ironic joke with some laughs and no answer expected.
If forced at gunpoint to answer, then my reply is "I was a greedy child and I refuse to accept that I have to choose, I want to eat them all".
tomisnottdead@reddit
How about, you can only keep one carb for the rest of your life... potato, bread, rice, noodles, pasta.
I'm aware of the flaws of the question, but this sparked a lengthy debate around the family Christmas table a few years back
eraseMii@reddit
I think the better phrasing would be:
(just because for example you can make noodles out of all of them)
tomisnottdead@reddit
Yeah, but that's not the question dumdum
South-Visual3803@reddit
I almost said sourdough however I gotta say potato - robust little fuckers
ggssmm1@reddit
Noodles and pasta can be interchangeable. "bread" is too generic, but assuming you can pick a different bread whenever you want to eat something, that's my choice, as you can make sweet and also savoury stuff easily.
Thus somehow reminded me of this: https://youtube.com/shorts/3L9EPdBZLjY
1- bread 2- pasta 3- potato
ShingledPringle@reddit
With the current state of Chocolate: Bread and Cheese.
But even without that situation still the same answer. Hell I could go for both now.
Turbulent_Ad_880@reddit
This specific question I find too easy.
Dump the chocolate.
Not because of any animosity towards chocolate, but simply because of what you are left with.
If you dump bread, you are left with chocolate and cheese...or more accurately chocolate OR cheese since the two don't really "go together" same if you dump cheese. Ok. Pain au chocolat is a "thing" but it requires a very specific version of "bread", and that leads into the second reason.
"Bread" covers ALL bread. Cheese covers ALL cheese. Chocolate covers milk, white and dark...and that's it.
By dumping chocolate you're limiting your choice of different flavours far less, AND enabling a variety of combinations of "bread AND cheese".
Yes...I am aware that I spent WAY too much time thinking about a frivolous question...
Firm_Doughnut_1@reddit
But what about cheese on baked potatoes
Turbulent_Ad_880@reddit
This far and no further. I may have babbled on about a frivolous question for page after page, but I'm not about to engage in your tuber-based whataboutery.
Good Day Sir!
😏
sar_tr@reddit
For me the answer is straight up bread and cheese. I really don't understand the chocolate obsession, it's a take it or leave it thing.
Akash_nu@reddit
I don’t understand any of these obsessions. 😂 I won’t take any!
PangolinMandolin@reddit
I would need clarity on how wide the definition of bread is. Like, do pastries count as bread?
crgoodw@reddit
I would catagorise anything wheat-based potentially as a bread product but then it introduces the whole pasta conundrum.
Also I don't know if I could pick between a pain au chocolat and a toasted cheddar croissant.
spokenwealth@reddit
"What do you think about the boats?"
In today's society that will genuinely sum someone up within about 30 seconds
Secure_Front_7766@reddit (OP)
never heard more truth lol. love this one.
escapingfromelba@reddit
Avoid it, launching into politics off the bat as a get to know someone is lunacy.
escapingfromelba@reddit
It sums up the sort of person who asks that. Anyone launching into a political issue as an opener is someone to get away from, it doesn't make you look smart.
Squiggally-umf@reddit
I’m stupid so I just thought about boats in general and was going to describe the kind of boats I’ve seen at a harbour.
EndPsychological2541@reddit
So... Are we not talking about boats? I don't get it?
Maleficent_Golf9765@reddit
I also thought it was a general question about different types of boats
PangolinMandolin@reddit
Love little boats like kayaks and canoes. Tried a sail boat once (as in, learning to sail it) and did not enjoy it whatsoever. Give me a paddle any day. Had fun building a raft on summer camp with scouts, which we used to paddle over to an island on Coniston water to camp for the night. As for bigger boats, why are ferry's always so loud and dirty? When you've been on one for 4 hours and the engine finally stops so you can hear again its such a relief.
That's probably how my boats conversation would go...
Ok_Shirt983@reddit
I like a good ferry. I used to ride the Woolwich ferry as a foot passenger for fun occasionally. The chain ferry in Poole harbour is interesting, just by the virtue of being on chains. A ferry over to the Isle of Wight is nice too, quick journey and you have a view of coastline for the entire trip.
mxtchstick@reddit
Out of interest what are you expecting a “good” person to say?
AlwaysNorth8@reddit
Says more about you than it does the other person. If someone asked me that I'd probably avoid them.
Specimen_E-351@reddit
OP asked for:
Of course the first response is one of the current ragebait topics the media.
It's all so tiresome.
OnTopicGames@reddit
I have a handful of free deep conversation starter question decks on my website. The lists cover philosophical, controversial, and societal issues. They can be pretty heavy but I think that's what you're looking for! Hope you like them.
greenfence12@reddit
Is water wet?
rox-and-soxs@reddit
This sends me off on a whole thing about the fact the human body can’t detect if something is wet. We can sense temperature and friction, but we don’t have hydro receptors.
That’s why sometimes you can’t tell if your laundry is just cold or damp.
Firm_Doughnut_1@reddit
I believe we do in our cheeks (face, not butt). So you can rub your cheeks of choosing all over the washing to decide if you want to tell if it's damp or not.
No-Charity-2167@reddit
That's what I do. I hadn't realised why I did though 😂
No-Charity-2167@reddit
That was a super interesting fact. Thanks for sharing!
Dutch_Calhoun@reddit
"What do you think about billionaires."
skatemoose@reddit
Dunno if its deep but my old manager used to do: Pepsi or coke?, he would sometimes use the answer you gave with a other option or two new ones. We could go on for a while and can learn really random stuff. So we could have, Pepsi or coke? Pepsi or lemonade? Lemons or oranges? Orange or red. It was fun haha
Robotica_Daily@reddit
Want to be closer to someone? In as little as 45 minutes, you can get closer to each other by taking turns asking these progressively more intimate questions. Listening carefully to each other’s answers is also as important as asking the questions. Set I 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions Set II 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 17. What is your most treasured memory? 18. What is your most terrible memory? 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 20. What does friendship mean to you? 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Set III 25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “ 26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “ 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
No_Improvement2317@reddit
You're a nosy little AI bot, aren't you?
Robotica_Daily@reddit
Haha, first time I've ever been accused of being a bot. I actually listened to an episode of James Altucher(?) can never spell his surname, and the author of this book talked about these questions. I think they were part of some study to find questions to get people closer to each other. Can't remember the exact details, but I thought this was the best answer to Op's question. 🙂
No_Improvement2317@reddit
🙄
prankishink@reddit
how to kill the vibe
ShingledPringle@reddit
Three of your favourite animals and why. I will not take "because I like them" or "because they are [insert adjective here]."
Also I specified three of your favourite as I hate numbering them.
Sea-Still5427@reddit
Use open questions: usually starting who, what, when, how, but avoid why as it can make people feel like they have to justify themselves.
When you were six, what did you want to be when you grew up?
When you were a child, who loved you unconditionally?
What do you do to recharge? Does it involve being with people or alone time?
When you've had a bad day or you're struggling with something, how do people notice it?
What do you secretly wish the world could see in you that's usually hidden?
Mr_Bumcrest@reddit
How strict is your sexual harassment policy
Redruby88@reddit
While it's not one single question, there's the 36 question experiment. I've never done it personally but it was designed to deepen the bond between two strangers
DivePotato@reddit
Daddy or chips.
SuperDinkle406@reddit
Tip: start small and easy and build your way into the big ones.
As for big ones, asking about what has shaped and driven their emotions and who they are, is pretty big.
Serene_sloth@reddit
You're the second person to suggest this and I just, wouldn't be able to answer? Am I weird?
SuperDinkle406@reddit
Not weird, just not thought about it. Take some time, day by day, to reflect and ask questions of yourself. It can be very positive to understand why you act and react to situations. Plus, it is always good to know what makes you happy andpre importantly why.
Serene_sloth@reddit
I do reflect but mostly I just think about all the bad shit so I can't do it often. I've had anxiety and depression for 20+ years and should probably have unpacked some things with a professional
SuperDinkle406@reddit
Yep, go for it. Good on you reflecting that you want to help you. Therapists and others (qualified and not quacks) can make a big difference and help.
It sounds like you are on the right track. Good on you. There is a lot positive here.
tomisnottdead@reddit
Are you talking about butt plugs?
SuperDinkle406@reddit
:-)
mdmnl@reddit
Also a good conversation starter.
defconluke@reddit
Cake or death?
Relevant_Coast322@reddit
I'll have the chicken please
Tarnished13@reddit
What???
RegretEasy8846@reddit
That’s not an option
Tarnished13@reddit
Ok I choose cake then lol
RegretEasy8846@reddit
😂😂
WhyN0tToast@reddit
Well we've run out of cake, we weren't expecting such a rush!
Londonloud@reddit
Tastes of human sir.
birdstrike_hazard@reddit
I mistakenly remembered it to be Monty python but it was Eddie Izzard - https://youtu.be/PVH0gZO5lq0?si=BCgzhZRohs7pRT6M
birdstrike_hazard@reddit
r/unexpectedmontypython
Jacks_Journey@reddit
Wiping .. front to back or back to front ?
Sea-Ganache-4330@reddit
Unfortunately I would always end up rambling about the Epstein files 😭but I do love this question!
deflr@reddit
I do the same 😂
Sea-Ganache-4330@reddit
🤣 I really struggle with small talk these days 😭
Turbulent_Ad_880@reddit
Talk about the ingenuity of mankind. About the creative thought behind the use of fire, the wheel, the plough (not very deep), the fish hook, the comb, (deeper).
Talk about the sheer courage it must have taken to set out to sea in a boat, when all you could see was water, and your home shrinking in the distance...yet you keep going.
And it most cases these inventions coming from humans so ancient it's likely they still had fur.
Distinct-Lion4658@reddit
"What was the hardest thing you overcame?"
tomisnottdead@reddit
Giggidy
NapalmSword@reddit
“Ever heard of the double slit experiment?”
I suspect however that it might provoke the wrong type of response.
SapphireAl@reddit
What’s your favourite dinosaur? 🦕
ThisisGrief@reddit
If you could plan your own funeral - what would it look like?
WIZZZARDOFFREESTYLE@reddit
How's your farting situation
ggssmm1@reddit
“What would you do differently if you weren’t worried about what people thought?”
“What’s something you want to be true about your life when you look back on it?”
“What’s the best advice you’ve ever ignored?”
Academic_Carrot7260@reddit
Do you shower in the morning or at night?
Longjumping-Star-447@reddit
ask what shaped their biggest belief, what they fear losing most, when they felt most alive, and what they’d change about their past choices
Akash_nu@reddit
Are you asking that altogether or one after the other?
My_lo_73@reddit
Spit or swallow?
jiajune3@reddit
What is something people almost always get wrong about you?
Why it works, This bypasses their resume and allows them to talk about their internal self versus their public image. It usually leads to a much more vulnerable conversation.
Dailymailflagshagger@reddit
What do you think of the pedestrianization of Norwich city centre?
I'll be honest, I'm dead against it. I mean, people forget that traders need access to DIXONS! They do say it'll help people in wheeeelchairs
No-Snow-9605@reddit
Do you think Kier is Queer ? Scottish Independence yes/no ? Will Scotland win the World Cup ?
Robotica_Daily@reddit
36 Questions to Fall in Love" by Arthur Aron
EyeAware3519@reddit
Is it more scary that we're alone or that we're not?
dingledorb@reddit
How thick is wall?
Disastrous-Place-846@reddit
If you could only have 1 album/movie/book to enjoy for the rest of your life, what would be your picks?
TremorThief12@reddit
First ask what their favourite food is. Then ask “Would you rather eat the best in the world of that food knowing every other time you eat it you would be comparing it to that one experience or would you prefer to have only a good meals but never try the best”?
PiorkoZCzapkiJaskra@reddit
Id recommend buying We're Not Really Strangers card game. Had great success with it on first dates, reconnecting with friends, and even with developing established relationships
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