What is it like to be an only child?

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Recent_Expression906@reddit

I love being an only child, yes I do have some worries about caring for my parents as they’re older but as other posters have said, my Mum had an awful relationship with her brother and sorted most of that out herself anyway.

I had a very fulfilled childhood with lots of friends and my parents remain some of my best friends. I was supported endlessly and got a lot of confidence and belief in myself because of how much time my parents could dedicate to my interests and school

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miss_foxglove@reddit

For me personally I occasionally wished I had a sibling growing up to play with, but as I got older I appreciated that I was able to focus on my own interest and have my parents be focused on me. and my pursuits.

I had two first cousins growing up that I spent a lot of time with too which helped fill a void for a sibling, and I got the benefit of being able to go back home when we were sick of each other.

I did always feel slightly separate from my peer group in schools because I spent a lot of time round my parents friends who didn't have children, and I was also spoken to like my voice/opinion mattered.

The con for sure is the worry of shouldering all the care and decisions relating to parents health if/when it declines., but in that sense I know my husband and close friends would support me however I needed.

I have two close female friends who are very much the sisters I would have chosen if I could.

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nashile@reddit

My partner is a only child . The only con now is his parents are elderly and need a lot of help and it’s all on him , he doesn’t have any siblings to shoulder the load

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thickasabrick89@reddit

I literally just read a post on another forum where the sister did 100% of the assisting with elderly parent whilst the brother did 0%. There are no guarantee with siblings.

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PetersMapProject@reddit

There's never a guarantee with siblings.

But there is a guarantee when you're an only child.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

No, there isn't. I'm an only child and do you think my husband is going to leave it all up to me?

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Digiplannersdesigns@reddit

Yes but it’s not the same as sharing that experience with a sibling who grew up in the same household, knew your parents and shared common experiences. Not to be mean he’s the family you choose not the one you came with.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Yeah, often it's worse sharing the experience with siblings as you can't choose them and you're stuck with who you get. My mums brother is totally useless and fights every decision she tries to make. Whereas I know my husband has my back and will support me because he made that commitment to me

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thickasabrick89@reddit

Absolutely. If I had to choose between relying on my brother or my husband, I know my husband will help me every step of the way. Brother on the otherhand...

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PetersMapProject@reddit

Your husband hopefully has parents of his own to look after - mine does.

I'm also the lasting power of attorney for my parents, he isn't, so there's some things he just can't deal with. The authorities just won't deal with him for many issues, and rightly so.

There's also really a limit as to how much I could put on my partner. People often romanticise looking after elderly relatives; having seen it up close with my grandparents, I really don't. In reality in can be very difficult, and involve a lot of very personal tasks that your parents wouldn't allow their son in law to carry out. This is doubled if, like mine, your parents are what you might call tricky characters.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Our parents are all different ages so won't become infirm all at the same time.

I don't romanticise it in the slightest, I've been there with my grandparents. I'm not saying it'll be lovely. What I'm saying is, my husband will support me and share the burden when the time comes the exact same way a (good) sibling would. He considers them his family too. Like I consider his family mine. Just like how my mum shared the burden with my dad when my dad's mum got old and needed care. And it's a good job she did, because my dad's siblings were utterly useless.

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PetersMapProject@reddit

Our parents are all different ages so won't become infirm all at the same time.

That presupposes that they'll all become infirm at the same age, and one will die before the next becomes infirm.

Amongst family and friends I've seen parents become infirm and need care anywhere from their late 20s (she's been terribly and probably permanently affected by pregnancy and childbirth - went from full time work and sports to bring a wheelchair user with a long list of health problems) right up to age 80 (she was then infirm and needed help for the next 20 years).

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BeatificBanana@reddit

I'm not saying it's guaranteed. Just saying that being a only child doesn't guarantee you'll have to shoulder the burden alone.

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littletorreira@reddit

My aunt (married in) did all of my uncle's share beyond admin.

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GraphicDesignerSam@reddit

Yep when my girlfriend’s grandmother developed dementia she did 100% evening and weekend care, I did 80% of the day care (and helped out my gf), her sister in law made up most of the day stuff I wasn’t available for. Her twin brother accounted for less than 5% of care and even then it was minimal effort.

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nashile@reddit

There is no guarantee but most likely if there is more than more there will be a shared responsibility

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BeatificBanana@reddit

Not a great reason to have another child though, hedging your bets.

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Zealousideal_Box5339@reddit

That happened with my dad, 5 siblings he did it all. He made sure that as an only child he planned

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itsfourinthemornin@reddit

Literally my life. I cared for our dad years ago and am currently caring for our mum, he has cared for neither and no excuse. My siblings only interests are themself and what they can get out of it - financially, attention wise and so on.

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Crafty_Reflection410@reddit

I have 4 siblings and it’s still all just me :(

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nikkijxd@reddit

As a woman with a sister. If my parents need help it'll be on me AND I will be organising my sister and her kids ongoing support that my parents have been giving. (Shes just wayward not disabled)

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Forsaken_Hat5481@reddit

As one of 8, 7 now living, trust me, it can be all on one person (I.e. me) despite having siblings.

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Ok_Distance5583@reddit

Yea my mum has 3 siblings and when my grandparents where unwell it was her did vast majority of helping them. The siblings all had several arguments and fall outs over it. Feel like it would be hard doing it as an only child but also it can end up being left to 1 person regardless of how many siblings there is.

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LateFlorey@reddit

I’m an only child and this is my worry. However, my mum is one of 3 but do pick up 100% of the care of my grandma when she had dementia and needed to go into a care home etc, so no guarantee.

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OrbitingPlanetArse@reddit

I have a brother and a sister. I have also cared full-time for my elderly mother for a number of years.

My brother makes such a hash of the whole caring lark it normally takes two solid days to get everything back to normal once he has left.

I haven't seen my sister in over 30 years and don't even know where she is.

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darrenjames8282@reddit

By the time OP and wife are old enough to need care AI robots will be available to take care of all daily needs. Meal prep, laundry and ass wiping.

So this is a non-issue.

Source: I’m an only child who just spent the past 10 years caring for my elderly father 👍🏻

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taknyos@reddit

I'm an only child, yeah I'll likely have to do most of the caring if I'm capable.

My mum (70s) has 8 siblings and her mother is still alive and requires full time care. 95% of the care (lasting over 6 years now) has been done by 2 of them, and about 4 have been more of a hindrance than help (spent more time fighting over inheritance). There's no guarantee that an extra sibling will reduce the load.

For me, personally, I loved having quiet time as an only child. I spent a lot of time with cousins growing up, and also loved school as a kid because of the social aspect, but anytime it felt like too much I could get away from it all.

Major cons of being an only child imo will be later in life when my parents pass. It'd be nice to have grown siblings with nieces and nephews.

Kids are expensive too, if money is tight at least you might not have to cut back as much on their hobbies, classes etc with fewer kids.

Also, all the expectation to provide grandkids is on me. My mum would love grandkids, but I don't have kids and I'm not sure it'll be on the cards.

There are plenty of pros and cons to both. Many cons can definitely be mitigated if you have a large extended family that you're close with.

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Severus_1987@reddit

I think you can’t count on that anyway. People move all over the place, different countries etc. I have a sibling but parental care will fall only to me

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PetersMapProject@reddit

FWIW how it worked with my grandparents is that the local child did the practical stuff, and the non local one did the admin. It wasn't 50/50 but there was some delegation.

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Massive_Contact8583@reddit

I hated being an only child as a kid and was very jealous of people with siblings.

As an adult I find it very lonely as my parents age. I wish I had someone close in age with me to shoulder the burden of their care, and also to remember my childhood with me.

I vowed never to have one child if I could avoid it. But I appreciate others may have had different experiences, I am like the poster child for not being a one child family.

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ZestyMonstera@reddit

I hate the thought of "giving someone a sibling". It feels wrong, like their life is basically there for another person. Have another child because you want another child, not for a purpose.

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nikkijxd@reddit

My closest friend is an only child. He did well being an only child and it shows by the fact he shares so readily as he's never had resources limited (it can easily go the other way!).

If you feel like your family unit needs more have you considered fostering or adoption? There's a lot of children who need stable loving homes. If you aren't sure you could love a child that you didn't make the same as your son, maybe a pet?

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Dream_Alchemist@reddit

I have experienced both- I grew up as an only child with siblings added in my tween years.

Fought with my siblings a normal amount growing up but now I am an adult I really appreciate having a shared childhood (plus having others to help with family situations). Having said that- you don’t miss siblings you don’t have, I was perfectly happy as an only child and would likely have continued to be.

IVF is very expensive and a lot to deal with both physically and emotionally. If you have the finances and want to keep trying that’s ok, but if you feel like it’s time to stop that’s ok too

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Great-Ad-632@reddit

I’ve done lots of reading on this as we are considering being ‘oad’. I’m sorry the option was taken from you, but there are benefits!

Only children being selfish and rude is a myth - debunked by more modern research. They are often found to be more empathetic, more selfless and considerate.

My Mum is one of two but her sister has been ostracised from the family and causes nothing but grief.

More and more UK families are becoming single child households - something like 50% by 2030? Can’t remember exactly but you are not the minority, so children growing up as onlies will be more the norm for them.

I’m not an only child myself so realise I’m not really who you were asking, just wanted to offer some info. I realise it’s very different looking at this as a parent than as someone with lived experience.

Reddit threads - happilyoad, oneanddone

Instagram - onlynotlonely

There are loads of others but try them and it might help your algorithm

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its_raining274@reddit

I'm 33F and was an only child at a Catholic school so was pretty much the only one...

Pros - very independent, high self-esteem, confidence, active imagination, enjoy spending time alone, close relationship with both parents, mature, found it much easier to make friends as an adult.

Cons - behind socially in primary school, had difficulties making friends as a child, annoyed by other people, full burden of caring for aging parents.

But you don't miss what you don't have, if your only child is loved I'm sure they'll be happy.

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Ok_Distance5583@reddit

My daughter is 5 and also may possibly end up being an only child not by choice either. We've been trying to conceive a 2nd for a while and haven’t been able to stay pregnant past 5 weeks, we’ve lost several. The more time goes on the more I’m feeling like it’s not gonna happen. I’ve spent the last few years obsessed with trying to get pregnant and now I’m just trying to be content with the 1 we have. I just keep reminding myself of the all the pros of having an only, we get a full nights sleep cause she sleeps through lol, she’s pretty much fully independent now and I’ve been able to get time back for myself the last year or so which has been lovely and we’ve more time for our relationship as well. We are very comfortable financially with one and can afford to give her all the experiences etc that we probably couldn’t afford to do with 2, when I need a babysitter it’s easier to get someone for 1 child compared to if I’d 2/3. We socialise her a lot and she goes to after school clubs and has a birthday party invite near enough to every other month from she’s started school so she’s always something social to be doing.

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TheMarvelMunchkin@reddit

I’m an only child and my daughter is an only child

Biggest con - is now that my parents are elderly it falls on me, I do have a great support system though - I do worry about my daughter having to do the same later in life, but at the same time I know my uncle did absolutely nothing with my grandma and it felt into my mum, so, siblings are not a guarantee

I can see a massive difference between my daughter and me, while I grew up dreaming of having a sibling, my daughter has always been very vocal on not wanting siblings and coming back from play dates (where there are siblings) saying how grateful she is about being an only child! Now my mom always told me (growing up) that she wished she could give me a sibling and how all my problems (friendship problems, bullying) would have disappeared if I had a sibling- she meant well… but..

Anyways, for me it just sucked holidays where I was stuck doing boring things - but have to give it to my parents they did invited my friends for holidays and were always happy to welcome my friends, paying and driving (while I was small) to after school clubs

As a parent I see it, it’s not that only children (well educated) are bad at sharing, it’s just that we have the option, and will happily share with the people we love, but we also can put boundaries pretty quickly since we were never conditioned to share “because you have to” - my daughter will pull a face and will say no if a random family member comes and expects her to share her favourite snack (without really asking or considering if she’s hungry, believe me happens more often than not in family gatherings), but will happily give half her snack to a random kid in school that forgot their snack - so basically if you need or ask nicely or she fells like it she will share (she’s now a teen and has surprised me coming back from school and bringing me a pack of cookies since she passed though the shop and saw the ones I like… and before you say it, no she had not done anything wrong, she just felt like it), just don’t take her stuff in the name of “sharing”

Other positive, great imagination, you do spend a lot of time playing with yourself, so you do get very good at entertaining yourself- and happy with your own company

As a parent you do spend a lot of time living a second childhood, you will be roped into running around the park, finger painting, watching kids movies and make believe - it’s honestly fun

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jessicatnetennba@reddit

It has its ups and downs, I own a house because I had no siblings to split inheritances with, I had really deep and strong friendships because that’s what I needed to do in order to have people in my life, I got a lot of high quality attention in my formative years. However my Dad has Alzheimer’s and that’s been very hard to manage without someone else to shoulder on my own. Also just because you have a sibling doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be close or even like each other, any time I’ve been sad about it I just picture a useless brother that I hate and I feel better.

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Sure_Comment8001@reddit

Such a boring childhood/upbringing, delayed social development, and immense pressure when you get older to look after your parents and deal with everything. No one should have to go through that stuff alone

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Historical_Owl2154@reddit

My son is an only child. I had fertility treatment to get pregnant and had always planned on having another but I realised that going through it with a kid in tow would be much harder than when I went through it without one. He is 13 and extremely bright. He's pretty happy and is very independent. He has always spent a fair amount of time around adults and his maturity and good manner are often commented on. He has close in age cousins and a half brother from his dad who is 14 years older than him so he does have a support network without growing up with siblings. Honestly, even if a child has siblings, it doesn't mean they will get along. I know people who don't talk to their siblings. And as for supporting parents when they are older, all sort of things can happen. My dad predeceased both of his parents so my uncle was their only child when they were very elderly anyway.

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moggiedon@reddit

Honestly, I've always been lonely. I did well academically and we could afford for me to do lots of extracurricular activities, but I was socially behind my peers until my teens. Obviously my parents would try to facilitate me finding other kids to play with, but I'd often have to entertain myself for days on end. I continue to miss out on a lot of common life experiences, e.g. I'm in my late 30s and have never been in a family whatsapp group. My parents divorced and now I have to care for two aging parents who both expect more attention than I can provide on my own.

My parents had valid reasons not to have a second child, and a certain amount of loneliness during an Only's childhood is inevitable. But in hindsight there should have been more effort to set me up for an adulthood where I am integrated with a wider family network.

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Great-Science-8586@reddit

Being the only child of selfish and dysfunctional parents is a very bad deal indeed, ask me how I know. Sending solidarity and healing thoughts.

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Much-Beyond2@reddit

We have a 8yo daughter.. unfortunately she's the only only child in her friend group and this is starting to cause some jealousy from her.. she is desperate for a younger brother or sister, It'll be interesting to see of this phase lasts, but for now we just have to reassure her that every family is different and this way she gets 100% of our love and doesn't have to share that with anyone. One big thing is that siblings will tend to spend time entertaining each other whereas you may find an only child is a bit more demanding on your time.. the flip side is you don't have to deal with the arguments and fighting. Another positive is knowing that you're in a better position to support her financially as she gets older.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

It will pass, I went through a similar phase at about the same age, got over it pretty quickly and soon enjoyed being an only child again.

Start giving her half of everything from now on - half the pocket money, half the bar of chocolate, start saying no when she asks for something because you can't afford 2 of them, only let her play on the [insert whatever video game console you have] for half the time, and let her know this is what it'd be like if she had a sibling, lol. She'll change her mind pretty fast!

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Ordinary-Ordinary-42@reddit

My daughter does get lonely and relies on us for company when she can’t be with friends. I wish we had been able to give her a sibling, she’d have less lonely times and I’d get a moment to myself sometimes!

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BeatificBanana@reddit

She might not, though. Siblings don't always get along and even if they do, they don't always have the same interests or want to play together.

My husband has 3 little sisters (big age gap between him and them) and when we go to visit them I'm simultaneously pulled in 3 different directions because they all want to do something different with me. They're bored a lot of the time because they aren't interested in what the other 2 like to do, most of their interactions are just bickering. It's been that way all their lives.

Funnily enough it was the same when I was growing up and went to visit my cousins (2 boys and a girl). They were like chalk and cheese, they hounded me as soon as I got through the door because they wanted to play some game or other that their siblings hadn't wanted to play with them.

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thickasabrick89@reddit

You might have not got a moment to yourself because you may have spent the whole time refereeing sibling fights!

Not sure how old your daughter is but independent, imaginary play is a great thing to encourage.

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ThrowRAkitty13@reddit

Just a view from the other side, I had a sister who always made me wish I was an only child and even with a sibling I still felt very lonely because we didn't get along. Having compatible siblings isn't something you can guarantee.

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Capt_Capital@reddit

my parents had the initial plan that I'd be their only child. for context, my mum has 3 siblings but dad is an only child. they realised that once my dad's mum (my gran) passed away, its really tough on an only child to deal with, even having a family of his own, so they decided to give me a sibling.

i think childhood is great as an only child, getting all the attention from parents, not having the extra expenses of another child especially in this economy. but as the parents grow older its definitely better having a sibling to help take care of parents, sharing responsibilities of being there and caring for elderly parents but also to be there for each other once a parent passes.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

having a sibling to help take care of parents, sharing responsibilities of being there and caring for elderly parents but also to be there for each other once a parent passes.

if your sibling actually does any of that.

My dad has 5 siblings. When my nan was old and needed care they were hell to deal with. 3 of them didn't bother helping at all. The other 2 fought my dad (and each other) on everything - what type of care she needed, where she should live, who was going to do what. It was relentless and lasted for years. She ended up living in her own home til she died, with a very poor quality of life, when she desperately needed residential care because none of her kids could agree on which home she should go to. It was a stressful, horrible time in my dad's life. And were they a comfort when she passed? Were they fuck.

Similar thing is happening now with my mum. Her parents are now elderly and are reaching the stage where they need a lot of help. Is my mums brother interested whatsoever in helping look after them? Absolutely not. It has all fallen to my mum. Though he's still happy to interfere and criticise and fight her on things when she makes a decision he doesn't agree with. Despite not lifting a finger to actually help.

Me, after witnessing all that I am glad I'm an only child. I'll get to make all the decisions and everyone else can fuck off because they're my parents, no one else's.

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Yomi_Lemon_Dragon@reddit

I found it pretty great. I always liked my own space and was a quiet kid who liked peace, so I honestly think having a baby in the house at any point when I was growing up would've messed me up. Going to other kids' houses where they'd constantly be squabbling with a sibling seemed like my idea of hell and always made me glad I was an only child.

One thing I really noticed even as a kid was that kids that had siblings were really...antagonistic? I found them difficult to get along with because I always wanted to share everything and get along and play nice but they always thought the worst of everyone because they were used to having to fight their siblings for everything.

It sounds kind of nice to have a sibling as an adult, but for everyone I know who has great siblings who look out for one another, there's at least one with a sibling who fucked up their childhood and whom they don't speak to any more. For some people that sibling is the same person- someone who abused them growing up but has apologised and now they get along great, but I'd rather not have the fucked up part in the first place tbh.

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BeatificBanana@reddit

One thing I really noticed even as a kid was that kids that had siblings were really...antagonistic? I found them difficult to get along with because I always wanted to share everything and get along and play nice but they always thought the worst of everyone because they were used to having to fight their siblings for everything.

I found this too. It was weird to me. Especially people with 2 or more siblings, they would be incredibly possessive about their things and quite selfish, I guess because they were used to having to share everything/having their stuff touched or taken without their consent. I remember I reached out once to pick something up that belonged to a friend and he snatched it away from me, then apologised and said it was instinct. Pretty glad I was an only child tbh

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_InstanTT@reddit

A lot of people who grew up with annoying siblings wish they were only children. A lot of introverts love being an only child.

Personally, I wished for years for a sibling. Like genuinely into my 20s I would still get the odd dream about taking care of a younger brother or sister. That’s not to dissuade you from having one kid, but just for me and my personality I would’ve given anything to have a sibling. Others would’ve hated it.

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darrenjames8282@reddit

Feels. Waiting for Davina or Nicky Campbell to knock at your door and let you know your dad cheated at some point and you actually have a long lost step-sis or bro 🤣

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BeatificBanana@reddit

That would be half-sis or bro, not step

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Lily-pig@reddit

I am an only child and I have never regretted it. I have only had one child myself. It works best for us, we have been able to provide much better financially for her without any of us feeling like we are going without and as she gets older we have our lives back and can do more things with and without her.

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Clarkthebarista@reddit

I'm having a great time (33M).

It has its cons, sometimes I can find it hard to share and sometimes I want to be the centre of attention or feel a little selfish. However, on the flipside, I am very independent, and happy to do my own thing. Also introverted which has its own pros and cons.

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WhatIsInAName2000@reddit

introverts are generally not looking to be the centre of attention, interesting mix

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FoxtrotEchoCharlie@reddit

Bit of a misnomer. Introverts aren't inherently shy, it's more about how social interaction leaves you feeling. I love being centre of attention when I'm out, but I need a lot of alone time to keep my battery charged and can happily be alone every night of a week. My husband starts to go crazy if he isn't around people every day. It's the being alone that drains him.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure only children come in both forms

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Clarkthebarista@reddit

No, it's more when I'm around people I feel comfortable with

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Some_Masterpiece6639@reddit

I’m introverted too, I’m also very independent. When you build up resilience from playing alone as a child you learn not to need anybody else.

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2muchroom@reddit

I always think (for me) only child I love to share cos I’ve never had a sibling to share things with, my wife on the other hand (with sister) hates sharing cos she’s always had to fight with her sister over things.

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404pbnotfound@reddit

The downside is you don’t have a day 1 buddy for life, but given some siblings relationships the upside is you don’t have a day 1 hater for life.

My childhood was far richer in experiences than it would have been if I had had siblings. I never thought about the fact I was an only child at all. It was completely normal. I was very happy. If anything I have been more social my whole life because that was my route to non-independent play as a child. I think people with siblings are constantly searching as kids for some peace.

The downside now in later life is when my parents are old, it would be nice to have had someone who was also there in my childhood to help me remember and corroborate it - after they’re gone.

I have childhood friends though, and family of my own, so to an extent I’ve mitigated that worry.

The only thing I really rue, is the fact I don’t have the novelty of knowing there’s someone else in the world with basically 70% of the same genome as me.

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plum_puddin17@reddit

It’s a lot of pressure on that child as they and you get older. You may be in good health physically and mentally now but you don’t know what’s around the corner and a sibling helps share the load

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atomic_mermaid@reddit

In sibling groups the care is often left to one person anyway, it's really common for the eldest daughter to be the one left carrying the responsibility for example. Multiple kids is no guarantee that they'll all help.

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Four_seasons_@reddit

On the other hand, the existence of my sibling is actually going to make things harder for me when my parents need help/care. They will not help, instead they will be antagonistic and difficult. My spouse will be the one who shares the load with me.

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plum_puddin17@reddit

Interesting perspective, hadn’t considered that

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littlebagofcrazy@reddit

I was an only child until ten days after my eleventh birthday and then I had a baby brother.

We came from an ‘interesting’ home where we were not treated the same nor given the same opportunities, so my experience is somewhat skewed.

There is nothing wrong with being one and done. He will get the benefit of having you to himself, and you will have more experiences together in theory as you will be better able to afford things. He can make strong friendships so as not to miss having siblings and usually solo children are better prepared academically as they have more parental input.

That said, he only has you. So if you’re tired and busy and feel touched out, he has no one else to interact with at home. When you die, if your family isn’t huge, he’s again on his own. Children with siblings are often better socially as they learn from one another and always have someone to play (and fall out!) with.

There is no right or wrong answer and I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it.

We’ve been trying for twelve years and have resigned ourselves that if it does happen, it’ll likely be we only have one now. My husband is thrilled as he and his brother fought like dogs. I always wanted a sister when I was little, so part of me still hopes that we manage two. Whatever we have, we will be delighted.

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Robzooo@reddit

https://researchaddict.com/only-child-effects/

Essentially it's nearly all upsides to being an only child. This almost made me and my wife stop trying for our second.

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Glittering-Wall2557@reddit

It’s ok. Growing up I always wanted a sibling so that I’d have someone to play with and then so that I’d have someone to back me up when my parents started to put a lot of pressure on me academically. Then again they might not have done that with more children. Having only me meant they could give me a lot more of their time and resource and I’m grateful but it came with a lot of pressure to succeed.

I am also perfectly happy doing my own thing. I’m not used to being around kids and mostly interacted with adults apart from at school, so that combined with being neurodivergent was a bit of a weird thing. Though I find now I don’t struggle to get on with people from most age groups.

Always correct saying that siblings aren’t a guarantee that you’ll be close to them or they’ll be helpful when your parents need care. My mum has two and they’ve pretty much fallen out as she did most of the caring for her mum and they took advantage. My partner has two but they’re so much older than him so he isn’t close to them, but they do have the shared experience of being parented by them which in some ways I wish I had with someone.

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ChelseaMourning@reddit

I’m (39F) and only child and parent to an only child (11F).

It can go one of 2 ways. I ended up going down the introverted route and I prefer to have a small group of friends who I see on my terms. I like my personal space. My daughter however is an extrovert with a big group of friends and likes to be out and socialising.

I think I had a nice upbringing, but I was put under a lot of pressure to do well academically. I was very close to my parents and didn’t really miss having siblings. You get to about 9-10 years old and realise it’s not going to happen.

Really you have to think about what you want, not what your child might want. I couldn’t really handle having more than one child, so I had to prioritise that feeling over the desire to give my daughter a sibling. Only you know what you can handle.

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Legit_Vampire@reddit

I was they youngest if two & my siblings helped a little with parents she was good with her time but not exactly hands on especially looking after mom when dad passed. When mom passed sis & me grew closer, then she passed away..... Never know a loss like it ( circumstances of her death didn't help) but I felt totally alone. I have one son & always felt awful he didn't have siblings ( we tried but like you nothing happened) all I can think now it I've probably saved him from that pain I went through losing my sibling

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Blue_wine_sloth@reddit

Pros are that you can give him all your undivided attention. Cons are that he may not learn to share or compromise. My best friend was an only child and even at age 40 she struggles to compromise. They were poor so she wasn’t spoiled financially but she always got her way.

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Morganx27@reddit

I grew up, only child, single mum. Sometimes I missed not having a sibling, it feels like the "normal" thing so I did occasionally crave it, but then I'd spend time with my cousins and be relieved to not have to deal with that. My childhood best friend was as close as a brother, he still is, so I think that if children don't have siblings they'll find them regardless.

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SnooozeFezt@reddit

My older half sister grew up an only child, we met when I was 10 and she was 17.

She always reminds me how lucky I was to grow up with siblings.

Now that we are adults, I see what she meant.

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Pippin4242@reddit

My wife is an only child and much better-adjusted than me. It's because my parents sucked, but yeah, she learned a lot of sensible skills like how to entertain herself. She's also not as territorial and doesn't eat as fast, ha ha

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Money-Feeling@reddit

I was effectively raised as an only child but have two much older half brothers.

I think I'm fairly well rounded socially (probably in part due to growing up on a road surrounded by families with kids of a similar age). I appreciated the childhood my parents were able to give me with plenty of time, attention and nice holidays etc.

I would also say that IVF is both emotionally and physically draining and 5 rounds is a lot, it is your and your partner's life and decision to make but please take care of yourselves too!

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Nirnroot_Enjoyer@reddit

My SIL is an only child, and the only one in our family..

Which she is very successful, confident, driven etc.

Her buffet flaw is struggling to empathise and compromise. She's usually certain her idea/opinion is the best one, and genuinely struggles to understand why that isn't best for everyone.

Usually this materialises as her always getting her own way, and genuinely thinking that she's doing what's best for everyone.

Its can be vey exhausting lmao

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Logical_Classic_4451@reddit

It’s fine. You don’t miss a sibling as you never had one to miss. You get all your parents’ attention (good and bad) . You get ok with your own company or just make loads of friends.

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Ambitious_Bat5233@reddit

I think the parents attention also depends on the parents temperament and circumstance.

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anabsentfriend@reddit

I always wished I had a sibling so all the anger wasn't directed at me.

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HellPigeon1912@reddit

I had a sibling and if he did something wrong while I was sat reading quietly we'd both get screamed at

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Defiant_Put_7542@reddit

That can happen anyway. Abusive parents often pick a child to scapegoat whilst the other siblings are treated normally.

Source: me; estranged from both my abusive parents and my coddled siblings.

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anabsentfriend@reddit

Yes, I have considered this. I'm estranged now too and have come across many scapegoated chikdren with golden child siblings.

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Barbora1519@reddit

My niece always said that she loved being an only child because nobody “was bothering her “.

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Js425@reddit

36M - childhood was great, never missed a sibling I never had. Meant that parents could afford annual holidays, went to private school which they couldn’t have afforded with just 1. Mum very keen on me sharing. Became very good with adults as the only kid around. Made it a bit harder for me to form strong friendships with lots of other kids.

Was left by myself a lot with working parents, that was ok. Learned to be good in my own company.

Was (am still I suppose) very close with my dad.

Then at 17 they divorced. That was horrible. I had nobody to share that experience with and my dad overshared through the whole thing. Still dealing with the fallout now tbh, emotionally.

Took me a while to learn how to be in a romantic relationship, how much of that was about me not knowing how to share my physical and emotional space vs parental stuff. Am a full blown addict to positive affirmation. That has its cons. Never really learned to deal well with conflict without sibling fights maybe?

Both parents remarried which kicks the “later life care” can down the road, but at some point it’s going to fall on me I know it. And that’s ok, they gave me life, least I can do I make them comfortable if I can.

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JD_Observe@reddit

I'm an only child. I was raised with lots of friends around me and sleepovers but to be honest, you don't miss what you don't know !

I was a very happy child and never spoilt like the popular stereotype, my parents couldn't afford to.

The only point in my life I wish I had a sibling is now as an adult, my parents are getting old and a lot of burden is falling on my shoulders. But as a kid it never bothered me in the slightest!

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Remarkable_Swan1714@reddit

I think it’s increasingly normal now. People have kids later, have less money or more commitments that make it harder to make time for more than one child. I am an only child when it wasn’t normal but now many friends of mine have an only child and seem happy and their kid is well balanced.

I felt I was missing out a bit as a child plus I felt under pressure to excel at things important to both parents to bond with both.

Then I realised it was for the best. My parents had time, money and enthusiasm for me. Realistically my parents ran a business while my dad also worked full time and we had limited money until the business grew and we did well. I did well at school and matured early with no teenage rebellion at all and was close to my parents as an adult (but still travelled and lived abroad).

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Absentmined42@reddit

Great. I loved being an only child as a child and I’m very happy about it as an adult too. I was an only grandchild in my Dad’s side too, so was properly spoilt.

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Shanstergoodheart@reddit

It's great. The only time I ever vaguely wanted a sibling was when we went abroad on holiday but you can fix that by taking a similar age relative/friend or ultra planning entertainment.

When I grew up, it seemed like everybody hated their siblings and the younger one was almost always annoying, even when that was my friend.

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Mediocre-Island5475@reddit

Nothing wrong with being an only child. Just make sure they spend a lot of time around other children when small so they develop social skills.

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Sea-Upstairs-2837@reddit

loved it. never competed for attention, affection, or help. got time to myself uninterrupted, got my own room, benefited from being one child of a dual-income household.

one thing i’ve noticed anecdotally among myself and other only-child friends is that we were all very sensitive kids with rich daydream inner worlds, but also most of us are suspected or diagnosed neurodivergent, so that could also be a factor.

only downside as someone who grew up with a few cousins is that my kid won’t have any familial cousins, but some of my friends want to be parents too and fill the auntie/uncle roles already so naturally their kids will feel like cousins to mine.

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DIY_at_the_Griffs@reddit

Not an only child, but I’d suggest living in a popular family area if you don’t have another. We’re on the fringes of the town and my kids don’t have so many friends locally to play with. If you’re in the centre of the school catchment area they’d have friends to play with when old enough.

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andy_animooter@reddit

not gonna lie I felt very lonely as an only child. I had friends, but also spent a lot of time completely alone in the house while my parents were out working. ended up being very socially awkward but what helped massively was going to Uni at 18 far away from home, and living in a big house with a bunch of crazy students.

I've always felt a bit envious of others who have siblings, and always wondered what that would have been like to experience. especially now as my parents get older, I'm feeling a massive pressure on my shoulders and I still carry it alone.

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World_wanderer12@reddit

Like any childhood it's hugely dependent on the parents.

My mum made sure I always had people to socialise with, took me to nursery from being young. Encouraged me to go to clubs and allowed me to have friends over etc. Made sure I wasn't spoilt and knew how to share..all that stuff.

As an adult it's a mixed bag. I think I place more weight on friendships than those with siblings do and that can sometimes not be reciprocated. But I have made some very close bonds. I never feel lonely as an adult. My parents are both ill now and dealing with that on my own has been hard BUT I have heard awful stories of siblings falling out over the best care.

There is absolutely no guarantee siblings will be close or get on well.

I would say if trying to have another is going to cause lots of stress emotionally and financially hen maybe putting the energy into being a great parent to one is a better bet.

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cmrndzpm@reddit

I think I place more weight on friendships than those with siblings do and that can sometimes not be reciprocated.

Oof yeah, I feel this as an only child too. I hang on really tightly to connections in a way my friends with siblings likely don’t understand because I fear being completely alone when my parents pass.

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nowtoriginaltoday@reddit (OP)

Very well put, thank you. Truly

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NowThenHowDo@reddit

As the youngest of 3 boys. I wish I was only child.

We are all adults now but to this day I hate my two older brothers, the middle one especially.

He made the first 16 years of my life a living hell. Relentless daily bullying from as early as I can remember, both mental and physical abuse (non sexual) the impact of which on my self esteem, confidence and all round self worth as a human is still very much in effect to this day.

Because of this I turned to alcohol as soon as I could and it has negatively effected my growth as an adult and every aspect of my life until this day.

And the worst part is now we are adults I'm expected to forgive and forget and play happy families at Christmas. I hate my brother and I pray to the gods that I outlive him so I can piss on his grave.

Of course not all siblings are like this, I know many people have good relationships with siblings but well... you did ask for the cons.

This may be one extreme end of the spectrum but it is a possibility non the less. My mother is a good person that loves me dearly but this still happened, a lot of it is out of your control as a parent because you simply can no watch your kids 24/7.

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Zealousideal_Box5339@reddit

I think there isn’t one specific thing. We all have different childhoods. I’m an only child and I plan to also have an only child on purpose. I always have had very close friendships. I don’t think the only child stereotype of not sharing or being bossy etc really applies to me personally. I never was lonely. I did sports and when I moved back to the uk from Canada my friends all visit me on a regular basis. My parents were older when I was born. They planned their estates. I mean I’m set for life. I have a flat in the most expensive city and started life off very well. I loved my childhood and my life. I made tons of connections and had a lovely childhood full of attention. When my mum was seriously sick, I had to beg people to please stop coming by because I had so much support I was overwhelmed. I think I’m great at doing things alone eg I moved all over the uk and the Netherlands when I was an adult by myself. I enjoy my own company but I think that’s more nd vs only child. There’s pros and cons but it’s more how the parents prepare for it. I always was allowed to have my friends over and my mum would bend over backwards to make sure I was happy. I have friendships that are like siblings where I’ve had friends come for holidays

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PitBullCH@reddit

I think you miss a lot as an only child - primarily (usually) life-long sibling friendship / confidant / advice - but you do get all the parental attention.

I’m told by Wifey that I am at times a typical only child - she does not mean that well 😱

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Ok_Cow5684@reddit

I'm an only child and mostly really enjoyed it. It was nice getting all of my parents' attention, and I also appreciated that having just one kid meant they weren't struggling for money as much as some of my friends' parents.

I think would have liked it if my parents had made it a bit easier for me to spend more time with friends, given that I didn't have siblings to spend time with. E.g. they sent me to a primary school that was 5 miles from home and a secondary school that was 25 miles from home. They were both great schools but it meant there was no easy popping over to a friend's house in the evenings.

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Dull_Training_6020@reddit

The money one is a good point. I think that we'd have really struggled at some points if I had siblings

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Dull_Training_6020@reddit

I really enjoy being an only child. Always have. Used to be happy playing on my own at home or going out with friends and I always felt lucky when my friends were arguing with their siblings and I didn't have to deal with that.

At age 18 I gained a fair few step siblings but honestly I see them once every 2 years ish and don't really have any connection with them, so I suppose even when given the chance to not be an only child, I still act like one.

My mum never allowed me to act in a way that was remotely selfish, so much so I'm the opposite with excessive people pleasing.

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GuiltyStrawberry5253@reddit

Being an only child was pretty rubbish, I’d play games against myself, go on fair rides by myself, have to deal with my mums descent into alcoholism by myself… but maybe I just had a bit of a rough childhood lol! I was adamant I’d have more than 1 child so they wouldn’t have the lonely upbringing I did, then I had my first and decided I was one and done! I’m very fortunate to have a godson who was 5 when my daughter was born so she has a close brother/cousin type bond with him, and I’d say it is important to nurture those types of relationships. But more so parenting has changed so much since I was a kid, my daughter is an equal not (just!) a responsibility, so I’d like to think she doesn’t deal with loneliness and boredom like I did!

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Upset-Elderberry3723@reddit

Having siblings might have complicated the situation more than helped. As much as I love my younger siblings, I couldn't leave my crappy life and develop an adult life when I should have because I refused to leave them behind, and they both have ASD which has made it very complicated and frustrating at times (especially as I, myself, am disabled).

I ended up doing most of the parenting stuff for them after one of our parents died prematurely and the other one was just never really good at parenting. My life has been foundationally restricted by my parents' decisions to have more children, and I didn't get to have a standard early adulthood or adolescence at all.

As much as I love my siblings, there are times where I can't help but wonder how vastly things would be different if I had been an only-child.

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PetersMapProject@reddit

It was fine growing up.

Now, as an adult, I dread having to organise care for both of them with no backup or support - especially as they're divorced and never remarried, so they won't support each other and there's two houses to manage.

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Some_Masterpiece6639@reddit

I’m an only child, it’s okay, it’s quite lonely at times, but I’ve learned to be self sufficient, I wish I did have a younger brother, it never happened as my mum met someone else after she split up with my dad and he had already had a vasectomy.

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sunandskyandrainbows@reddit

It was fine. I got to do many things that I wouldn't have otherwise due to the cost. I got all the attention and all the love. I am very independent and happy to be on my own, not sure if that's the reason though.

On the flip side, it did get lonely sometimes, although I had a lot of friends and cherished my friendships more than anything. But yeah I guess it would have been fun to have a sibling sometimes.

There was a point where I was single and my parents were in bad health when it hit me that if they die, I don't have anyone else in the world. I am alone. That was hard to process. But now that I have my own family I don't have those thoughts anymore.

I would love to give my daughter a sibling, but for different reasons I don't think it's gonna happen. What I tell myself is that most of the siblings I know are not even that close. They are friendly yes, but don't necessarily hang out and probably wouldn't be friends if they weren't siblings. But i guess it's still nice to have someone.

But yeah being an only child was absolutely fine. What my parents did is they let me take a friend on every holiday which was amazing and something I plan to do too. And also took friends on day trips etc

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Magic_mousie@reddit

I'm still single. Still have those thoughts about being alone in the world.

But I push them down and will cross that bridge when I come to it. There is always someone out there, if not a friend then a support group or neighbour or something.

The only childness has given me an independence which also helps, though won't be enough by itself when it's only me left.

Urgh, but dating sucks.

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QueefInMyKisser@reddit

I’m alone in the world now, it is what it is.

Childhood was fine though, don’t have a basis for comparison I suppose but I didn’t feel I needed a sibling.

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s7beckTM@reddit

My own experience as an only child was that I always felt there was something missing in my life, I was convinced I was not 'alone' as that feeling was so strong.

Years later I found out I actually wasn't an only, and my sister had been there all along, just not with me.

Pros', you get all the attention and focus, no sharing lego or chocolate and important stuff like that!

Con's, loneliness, no big sister to look out for me when I was bullied, nobody to talk to in bed at night when parents were not around, and thought we were asleep, reading comics together under the duvet with a torch, laughing and giggling together. The list goes on, really.

Don't stop wanting something because you think the universe is telling you to stop. You are happy with what you have, but the universe can't tell you to not be happier or feel different.

If it is feasible, keep trying, if it doesn't happen, give him everything, be his sibling under that duvet with that torch if you need to...

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nowtoriginaltoday@reddit (OP)

Thank you for your kindness

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WomanUnravelled@reddit

Didn't mind it as a kid at all. Now I'm older and have elderly / dying parents it would be great to have that support. Not guaranteed a sibling would provide that though. Watching my two daughters play I wish I'd had that bond as a kid. But they also argue and often say they wish the other doesn't exist. I genuinely believe - no matter what happens - the grass always seems greener.

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PipBin@reddit

Hello!

I’ve had IVF so I feel you. It’s dreadful and I think you need to decide when to draw the line, as painful as that can be. We had one pregnancy that ended at 14 weeks. We decided before that to stop there. It was hard but we are fine now.

Anyway, onto your question, I’m an only and in a way I would have like siblings but I think this is for a number of reasons, mainly that I grew up way out in the sticks with no other children around really. Also, my parents weren’t that close to their family so I didn’t have cousins or the like. My parent’s relationship was difficult and I found that hard as an older teen. As an adult it’s tricky as my parents are older.

All that said, my husband is one of 4 and hasn’t spoken to them in years. No hard feelings, they just aren’t close.

I think being an only is far more common these days, it was very unusual when I was a child. Make sure your child has other children in their lives, cousins or ‘aunties’ with children. Encourage play dates and bringing a friend to days out.

Good luck.

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nowtoriginaltoday@reddit (OP)

Thank you very much.

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crgoodw@reddit

We have just the one.

The cons were much more evident when he was little. Bad at sharing in nursery, a very over-the-top sense of justice about things like personal space, arguments with friends and so on, he just didnt have experience in having other opinions matter, or a different perspective. He needed a lot of attention that sometimes we couldn't always give, like play and watching stuff together.

Now he's older (he's 15) we find he has a much more mature outlook on life than his mates, is very independent, keen to explore, happy to be on his own, enjoys his own company. As he moves on, I hope these skills will be more useful. I do worry about him in the workplace though, he is very... strident about what he wants to do, rather than accepting that people are allowed to do things differently.

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Magic_mousie@reddit

Oof, I felt that last line. I have little patience for people who do things that I think are dumb. Even if they're perfectly reasonable things, I don't like it, so nobody should. I do keep these thoughts internal 99% of the time though.

Sharing also takes practice for me, and I'm quite particular about what I share.

But the independence and armour against loneliness served me very well in covid lockdowns, and I have a good job and house and friends etc. It's not held me back.

I do have a concern about being the only carer for my elderly parents, a sadness too, but a sibling is no guarantee of anything. Plenty of people fall out with them or they go live in Australia or something.

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crgoodw@reddit

We chat about work all the time and his response, often, is "Just don't let them do it / just fire them." (We both are management and talk about work with him regularly). Or he comes home raging about an incident in school where other parties (who yes, are often in the wrong) are allowed to voice why they think they are right. He has a very logical, black and white way of thinking, that does make me worry about the inevitable dipshits you have to tolerate in the working world!

His independence and free thinking spirit is a joy though. I grew up pretty opressed by my bossy, hyper confident sister to the point we dont have a relationship. I'm so glad he doesn't have that shit to deal with.

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Lightning_And_Snow_@reddit

I've never liked being an only child and it's getting worse as I get older. I never managed to make any friends growing up so I always a very lonely kid, and struggled socialising with people my age. My parents had me quite late; I'm in my late 20s and would like to be thinking about starting my own family, but my parents are in their late 60s and I feel like caring for them should be my priority rather than what I want for myself. I feel their welfare and happiness is my responsibility (which will only get worse after one of them passes away) and i feel guilty for wanting to have my own family as I'm all they have. They were very overprotective and I was always scared of doing anything wrong as all the attention was on me all of the time. It might've been better if I'd had friends or cousins but I definitely hope I have more than one kid. Im very close with my parents but I wish I had siblings to share the responsibilities with as they're getting older and so I felt more able to live my own life.

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lapodufnal@reddit

I keep telling my friends to stop at one when they’re overwhelmed. I’m not an only child but I loved my cousins and friends when I was a kid, I don’t see my friend’s kids missing out on anything being the only one. I had a lot of friends who were only children, or who effectively are because of special needs or other circumstances and it’s not negatively affected them. We’re in our thirties and it’s not a big detriment, if it’s causing you stress it’s not worth it

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PsychoticJesusJugz@reddit

I used to be bullied so bad by my older brother that I would get so so triggered by only children because I wanted to be one.

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rustupidruudumb@reddit

I've noticed there's a lot of negative heat on only children. As an only child, I think it depends on the parents relationships with eachother, and how they are raised. I feel like only children tend to have a maturity about them generally, and can be a little more reserved when making friends, as they don't have a built in friend (sibling), but ultimately its fine as you get older. I feel like I've noticed myself and other only-children being very good with being independent, not relying on others.

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World_wanderer12@reddit

I think a child being reserved has absolutely nothing to do with their only child status and much more to do with their personality. I love being the centre of attention and performed one woman plays for the family..still a huge extrovert. My best friend is one of 6 and hates any attention at all.

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amlamba@reddit

I'll go ask my sister, in the family group chat

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Azyall@reddit

Lonely when I was a kid, hard as an adult to aging parents, and doubly hard now they are both gone and I'm basically alone sorting everything - their house etc..

Saying that, I know of other only children who wouldn't trade their position for the world.

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No-Permission8050@reddit

I'm an only child and while I sometimes think it would have been nice to have a sibling I have no regrets. First of all there was all the love, so much love, all directed my way. My parents were older when they met and I was very much the long awaited child for both of them and I feel very blessed to have been the sole recipient of their care and attention. I also feel incredibly lucky that my parents were the way they were that I never felt pressure of expectations falling on me alone. They let me live my own life and just set an example of what kindness and thoughtfulness should be. I've always wondered if their age also impacted our relationship. Dad turned 52 the week after I was born and mum was 38. They were a generation older than many of my friends' parents. Maybe that had some part to play in the deference I felt towards them. I mean you don't have teenage rebellions against your granddad do you?

In some respects it made things logistically easier for them I think! It was only me they ever need to ferry around to sports and out of school events. Travelling was easy (and cheaper!).

I am an introvert and quite happy doing things on my own. But I know other introverts from big families so I don't know if being an only child had anything to do with it.

The only time it was at all hard was towards the end of their lives when I obviously I had nobody to share the work of caring for them. But it was hardly a burden because I finally had a chance to repay with love all the love they had invested in me and I was glad to do it. And I did have the support of my uncles and aunts.

Given the choice I'd do it all again :)

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purple_yui@reddit

I'm an only child. I didn't really mind it as a child, I had a friend who lived a few doors down so we were always round each other's houses. I've noticed it a bit more now as an adult, but nothing major. And like others have said, no guarantees even when you do have siblings.

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Accurate-Sweet-521@reddit

I didn't enjoy being an only child as a child and still don't as an adult but I think a lot of this is to do with my parents. I felt a lot of pressure as an only child, there felt like a lot of focus on me and no one else to take this off me. I also don't have much immediate family in the same country which likely didn't help. As an adult I feel a huge amount of pressure and responsibility for my parents. If they are ill or unhappy there isn't any one else other than me to help them (they are divorcedand no longer in contact). My mum was in hospital recently and I visited her every day as she didn't want her friends to visit and there was no other family. I know my parents love me and want the best for me, but I wish I didn't feel almost totally responsible for them. This is all totally avoidable, and I'm sure there are people who have siblings who don't take their share of responsibility who feel the same.

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Far-Bug-6985@reddit

The first sentence is so true! Except I was just quite lonely as my parents never wanted to play - especially my mum who was home all day with me, so I just think of only children as being bored and lonely - because that’s how it was for me.

However my husband and his sister don’t talk so I guess having siblings doesn’t always mean you have that close relationship

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loops1204@reddit

I liked being an only child. Even of divorced parents. I didn’t crave company and I still don’t. I value my friends so much and I do have a cousin I’m close to. I was always drawn to other only children - just a more relaxed family dynamic I guess. My son is an only child and he claims to not want a sibling. We enjoy a peaceful lifestyle but that’s me and my husband being introverts too

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NinjamaticNemesis@reddit

I know it might not be the same... but have you considered adoption? ☺️

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nowtoriginaltoday@reddit (OP)

We have briefly thought about it, but not more than that at the moment really.

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BroadwayBean@reddit

Late 20s only child here. Pros and cons somewhat depend on your circumstances, but I'll outline my experience. I spent most of my childhood wishing I had a sibling and sometimes still do (especially when dealing with aging parents), but there are definitely benefits too.

Pros: plenty of parental attention, parents could pay for independent schools and more extracurriculars because they only had me to account for (in the same vein, they were able to pay all my uni fees and help me get started post-graduation), no other kids to fight or share with at the home, I never had to miss out on anything because a sibling needed to do something, I have a close relationship with my parents and was more mature/well-spoken at a younger age because I spent more time involved in adult conversations. We travelled a lot and I got to do and see things that wouldn't have been possible with multiple kids.

Cons: it gets really lonely sometimes; there's no one else at home that's closer to your age to talk to when parents don't 'get it'. Relating to other kids and learning to share/play nicely is harder, and I'm definitely less tolerant of noise or chaos as an adult because my home life was so quiet. When you get a bit older, you get left out a lot because you're not 'family', even though you consider your friends to be basically your siblings (i.e. my best friend only had her sisters as bridesmaids in her wedding because it was 'fairer', meanwhile she was the closest thing I had to a sister, so that really hurt). Another thing is that parental care will fall completely on an only child, so please make sure you have all of your affairs in order to lift some of that burden from your kid because doing all of that alone is really hard. I also always felt a lot of pressure to succeed and be perfect because my parents only had me; there was no one else for them to focus on to take some of that pressure off.

The other thing I've noticed is only children are often hyper independent or completely coddled, no in between. They either refuse help or can't do anything for themselves because mum or dad only had one kid to focus on, so they either did everything for them and never let them be independent. So trying to find some balance will be important.

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Icy-Reporter-900@reddit

I grew up as the only child. To be fair, my home suffered a divorce when my sister was born and I ended up being raised by my dad and my sister by my mom. Eventually we both grew up as only child. To be fair, the worst you can do to an only child is divorce. By being an only child you think you are very special (which every human being is) but have a hard time realizing there is actually people more talented than you out there. At home, you are number one. I had the privilege to travel to big countries such as the UK when I quickly realized I was not that special but was privileged to find fantastic human beings that showed me the power of sharing. I have great friends that are like my brothers and my cousins for me are my sis. Eventually I kind of became somewhat successful in life and by living abroad I realized that no one is a prophet in its own land - which allowed me to reconcile with the fact I am special (such as anyone else). Difficult part is watching my dad getting older and that he is my backup and I am his. However, having brothers or sisters don't protect you from this since human beings can be selfish. With time I have come to the fact that sharing and being kind and generous is a mix between how you grew up with but as well of what you see in the world.

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techbear72@reddit

The universe isn't telling you anything mate. Don't worry that it's not happened (yet). It's not a message, it's just chance and the process of IVF. If you want and can afford (both financially and emotionally) another child, don't take no for an answer until your doctor says so.

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nowtoriginaltoday@reddit (OP)

Thank you mate.

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LongjumpingLab3092@reddit

33F.

I love being an only child. I've never had to compete for resources or my parents' attention, I wasn't spoilt but I never went without anything I needed. When I was younger my parents always encouraged me to bring a friend to days out etc and I thought that was SO MUCH better than being stuck with a sibling who I didn't choose. I'm also very close to both of my parents.

My child will also be an only child (for a mix of health and lifestyle reasons) and I'm happy about that for her.

The ONLY time I really really wished for a sibling was when my parents got divorced, I was 26 and felt like my entire family crumbled as it was only ever the 3 of us. I'm doing better now I have my own husband and child, but that period was really, really hard and I wish I'd had someone to go through it with. That said - no guarantee a sibling would have viewed the divorce the same way I did.

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Individual_Canary955@reddit

I’m a only child (female) and I would have LOVED siblings and begged my parents for some but they were very much ‘one and done’ but I was lucky enough to grow up around my cousins. I have to say that I have a lot of friends who are male only children who do not seem to have wanted siblings at all so maybe it’s a gender thing too🤷‍♀️

I would say that i am very content in my own company, more mature as was mostly around my parents and independent. My parents have helped financially and were able to provided resources when needed. A lot of my peers have difficult relationships with their siblings so there are many pros to being an only child ❤️.

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olivinebean@reddit

I hate sharing but I have a very active imagination and my conversation skills developed very fast as I had to keep up with adults every day growing up.

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SunsetDreamer43@reddit

Through my childhood life was perfectly fine, I had friends growing up and never felt lonely or alone. As a child you only know what you know. I don’t know what it’s like to have siblings so I don’t miss it.

I think it feels noticeable now as an adult and that my parents are elderly and need my help. It doesn’t help that they’re divorced, and it means I have double the caring responsibilities and no one to share the load with. It’s all on me. I’ve got my own children too, so I’m now effectively a sandwich carer and having to help out two elderly parents separately. It’s hard.

But none of us know what the future holds, please don’t think your son will miss out if you never have another child, as long as he feels loved and cared for by you both, he has all he needs and he will grow up happy, I promise.

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