ULPT Request: Downstairs neighbor smoking cigs inside.
Posted by Midnight_Bandit_@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 59 comments
These two deadbeat sons (in their 40s) and a loser mom live directly below me. They all smoke cigarettes INSIDE the apt and the disgusting smell comes directly up to my unit. It is so bad that I get headaches and all my clothes and bedsheet smell like cigarettes. I told my landlord 3 times already but they just don’t seem to stop. I got an air purifier and keep the windows open so the smell goes out but they are constantly smoking and it is effecting my quality of life. Not to mention I have pets and they are affected by it too.
So I started walking really loud and making loud noises (banging shit on the floor, dropping shit on purpose) at really random hours. But I need something more effective. These people have been smoking inside since 2022. I have had enough. Oh and they also have two dogs and they are always barking. I don’t think they even take them out for a walk. Truly horrible people.
mmmbopdooowop@reddit
Put drugs in their mailbox and tell the authorities they’re dealing drugs out of their apartment.
PinkysAvenger@reddit
Call the fire department and say you smell smoke.
Overall-Equal-7808@reddit
agreed. you need to overreact. act like you genuinely believe their apartment is on fire. people use the fire department for drills and getting unstuck from weird spaces. you can certainly be concerned especially since a lit cigarette WILL burn down your building
PinkysAvenger@reddit
"Well, I know we're not allowed to smoke in the building, so I knew it couldn't be a cigarette."
Previous_Link1347@reddit
Don't you guys think the FD has more important shit to do?
PinkysAvenger@reddit
Honestly, no. They sit around for whole shifts, then get to but on the sirens to get a cat out of the tree.
Chicago Fire is not real life.
Cutthroat21@reddit
Right up to the time you need them and they save your worthless and complaining life.
PinkysAvenger@reddit
I'm not complaining, I'm belittling. I appreciate the work they do. They're experts in an extremely important, but rarely used vocation. But day to day, they don't work very hard, and communities bend over backwards to "thank them for their service."
variousnewbie@reddit
Fire actually rolls out every time an ambulance is ordered. They're the first ones on scene before EMT and paramedics in ambulance. They don't sit on their asses.
I've also lived across the street from a firehouse. We had an issue with the water and my neighbor and I weren't strong enough, nice men came down to the basement and fixed it for us. And when the apartment above and over from mine was on fire? They SAW the window blow out (morons left a candle burning when they left for work) and were the first ones on scene, before the rest of the tenants were alerted there was a fire and evacuate.
Overall-Equal-7808@reddit
i shouldnt call the cops when someone steals my bike. maybe someone with a stolen car will need them
do you think theres like one fire truck per city? yes, you can use them to report a fire hazard like indoor smoking. thats their job. its actually a good thing that they arent constantly putting out fires.
Twitch-x@reddit
They would show up, see no smoke or flames, knock on the door, then leave.
Twitch-x@reddit
If it's written into the lease. OP never actually said smoking was not allowed in the units. It might just be that he doesn't like the smell.
Twitch-x@reddit
The 911 operator would tell you to get out of the building fast and likely to bang on your neighbours door to make sure they get out too.
Fire goes up. Living above them, if you are watching TV at home when the fire fighters arrive, you would likely get charged with making naughty phone calls.
Total result, fire fighters don't see an active fire. They knock on the door, your neighbours tell them to go away. Not a big issue for them.
hankhillsucks@reddit
This is one of those things that will either work spectacularly or backfire completely
It's either
"Hell yeah boys, it's been a slow week, but now it's go time!"
Or
"Ma'am dont waste our fucking time"
adz568@reddit
Time to move tbh, they clearly don’t care about anything
Empty-Swing@reddit
Are we living the same exact life because I have the same exact problem down to the losers and yappy fckng dogs! I make a ton of noise and I will go outside and smoke weed by his door praying they come out to complain about either the noise or smell.
Find out their sleeping schedule and make HELLA noise right after they get in bed and about an hour before they get up, continue it for an hour, get a Beats Pill and crank that shit with trap music, unless they like it. Also rant loudly about what bums and stinky losers they are.
Kordith@reddit
You don't even have to be unethical. Just try asking them to smoke or outside. When they don't follow through just bring it up with your landlord. Easy fucking fix. Something tells me you haven't tried the regular way yet.
Midnight_Bandit_@reddit (OP)
Oh honey I have. Three different times. And when the landlord tells them to stop, they do stop but it only lasts about a week or two and then back to smoking inside again.
suppaduppasleuth@reddit
Put non-smoking oxygen in use signs.
traffke@reddit
Even better, fasten an oxygen tank to the wall of their floor and open the valve
flearhcp97@reddit
What does the lease say?
I chose my current apartment in part because it was one of the few that explicitly allows smoking within the unit.
Blunt_but_Honest98@reddit
Bit of knowledge around flavourings here. If a can of cherry scented room spray was to be let off nearby, well they might smoke less. Just search the terms cherry flavouring and nicotine reactions on Google.
Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit
Get one of those anti bark devices.
Twitch-x@reddit
Start listening to audiobooks on your computer. Place the computer speakers on the floor.
If you like fantasy-comedy, I suggest starting with Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. That's about 46 books, all downloadable for free, legally. Play the audiobooks 24/7 (or whenever you are not trying to sleep) at a reasonable volume for listening in your home. Do not play them so loud that you can make out what is said, from just outside of your front door. Agree with then ignore any requests to turn it down.
Twitch-x@reddit
If you want to be more war-like with this problem, then tip the speakers over so the sound goes directly down towards the floor, place a large kitchen mixing bowl upsidedown over the speakers, then place folded blankets over the bowl. Turn up the volume a bit so you can still hear it a little bit in your home. Perhaps with a homemade mix audio file containing such things like a loud death metal song, a couple minutes of ASMR gay porn, probably any song by Pansy Division, anything else you can think of to piss them off, finally ending with about two minutes of silence (to give them a chance to start falling asleep). Put that audio file on continual repeat.
I did that to a previous downstairs neighbor once. With speakers in living room and two bedrooms.
ArmThePhotonicCannon@reddit
I have a playlist of bagpipe music that worked remarkably well. Keeps my neighbors quiet for a few weeks after depot
TicketyB000@reddit
Research and find out the insurer of the property. Advise them management is allowing tenants to smoke indoors. Or, start doing everything in writing. If your lease bans smoking, start the process of the manager relocating you to another apartment or paying to relocate you elsewhere under the "quiet enjoyment" clause.
MjrGrangerDanger@reddit
This is actually an idea with potential. Most policies have a provision to allow for claims to be received by the Department of State in cases that the policy information is unknown. OP could file a claim on an ACCORD claim reporting form on someone's behalf and send it to the Dept of State. It would go to their landlord's insurance company. But be warned this is completely insurance fraud and if you've complained about the smoke they're likely to know it's your fault that they were cancelled, non renewed or the carrier jacked up the rate of their policy and things aren't going to go well for you.
brainhack3r@reddit
Are they allowed to smoke?
Here's the deal. You now have a disability. Talk to your doctor and explain that it's giving you headaches, or whatever and have the doctor write you a note. It can even be as simple as chronic bronchitis and the smoke is negatively impacting you.
Use ChatGPT / Gemini to research the Fair Housing Act and say you want them to propose a "reasonable accommodation" as this is negatively impacting your health.
This will get their attention... there are serious risks associated with them ignoring it if you take this route.
Document everything.
Overall-Equal-7808@reddit
fair housing act can be looked up without AI btw
brainhack3r@reddit
AI makes it 1000x easier to work out a plan though.
I just used it to figure out how to do a complicated move to NV that I'd never be able to figure out otherwise.
Well it would have just taken me a week or so and maybe hire a lawyer.
froggythefrankman@reddit
You'd never be able to do it otherwise? Believe in yourself
Twitch-x@reddit
Do not try to claim chronic bronchitis if you don't have it. Any doctor would easily be able to identify the truth about that.
Midnight_Bandit_@reddit (OP)
I didn’t want to make things difficult bc the lady seems disabled (she needs a cane to walk) but at this point, fuck her
Zombieskank@reddit
Sit on their porch and drink
Midnight_Bandit_@reddit (OP)
We live in nyc so we don’t have porches 😭
Zombieskank@reddit
Not with that attitude you won't! Drink in front of their front door!
froggythefrankman@reddit
Yeah stoop kids afraid to drink on his stoop or something!
GeneralLeoESQ@reddit
Is this legal where you are? If not, you may get headway involving police.
everyoneis_gay@reddit
Does their front door have a letterbox?
Midnight_Bandit_@reddit (OP)
No 😭 we have mailroom with everyone’s mailboxes.
Twitch-x@reddit
Million Scoville hot sauce on the mailbox door too.
everyoneis_gay@reddit
Damn I was gonna suggest spraying an entire can of air freshener directly into their apartment 😩
SalisburyWitch@reddit
Liquid ass works better.
everyoneis_gay@reddit
But then OP will smell it too. It has to be the kind of smell that's unpleasant when you have too much of it too close but is fine to drift upwards.
thiccglossytaco@reddit
Start coating their door knob in cheap syrup daily.
Twitch-x@reddit
Or... Get a bottle of one million Scoville food additive (it's actually too hot to be called a sauce, this is added by the drops while preparing food). Add several drops of the liquid to a paper towel (fold it thick first). Apply the hot sauce to their front doorknob or handle via the paper towel. They will get it on their hand then eventually touch their eyes or sensitive areas while in the bathroom. They will scream in pain. Repeat application every once in awhile. Afterwards, wash your hands, then rub your hands down with vegetable oil, then wash your hands two more times.
I may have done this before.
If they like to walk around outside, barefoot, then get some dried ghost pepper flakes (or hotter), put the flakes through a blender to powder it, then sprinkle that all around where they might walk while barefoot. Warning though, if they do walk their dogs, this will hurt the dogs too.
I may have done something similar to this.
TheHueman@reddit
Some smoke odour eliminator spray but spray it below your window onto the wall in hopes in drips onto their window. If they ask whats going on you just tell them you can't stand the smell of smoke. They tell you to shut your window? You tell them the same 😁
Twitch-x@reddit
The smell would be coming up through the floor, not from the window. Opening the window would help remove the scent.
bigfrank_1@reddit
Piss discs. Lots of piss discs.
Twitch-x@reddit
They have dogs that they don't take outv and they smoke. Their unit likely already smells like piss and an ashtray. If you want to offend their olfactory sense, you would need to go with something like pure ammonia or fart spray.
Snicklefraust@reddit
If they aren't taking the dogs out regularly, the piss disc wont even be noticed.
FadeIntoReal@reddit
This dues seem the correct situation for those.
thickerthanasn1ckers@reddit
How does the cigarette smell travel? Is it through the ventilation, or is it coming through cracks in the doors/open windows? If it's through the ventilation, plastic grocery bags under your vent covers with an air freshener sheet on top can block some of the smell, assuming you don't need the ventilation system for ac. If you do, you can get filters for them that help a bit. Lysol odor eliminator spray is super helpful... Seems to actually take the smell out of the air instead of just masking it, allowing your air purifier to actually kinda do its thing. A lamp Berger can be a bit of an investment but also genuinely helps, like an air purifier but with the bonus of added scent. It sounds fancy but it's effective. Depending on how the smoke travels, opening your windows might actually be causing more smoke to come your way through the ventilation - they need to also open theirs in order for you to not be creating a bit of a vacuum of smoke smell or you have to block the ventilation first. If it's travelling through the halls and windows, plug the gaps. There's adhesive gap fillers you can buy online that do a great job sealing things up a bit more. Lastly, maybe ask your landlord to add extra caulking around pipes and seals in the bathroom. I don't understand how it works but somehow the reverse vacuum that happens in the plumbing can cause odor to travel through the pipes. I know none of these tips are unethical, but these are solutions that have worked in tandem for me in my year long battle with a smoking neighbor who is grandfathered into his rental agreement from before there were no smoking clauses, like there is in mine, so the rules don't apply to him in the same way. Hope you can get some relief OP. It's fucking maddening to not be able to breathe in your own home by no choice of your own.
Midnight_Bandit_@reddit (OP)
Thank you for your detailed instructions. The smell comes up thru cracks and thru the floor so I’ll def try your suggestions. Thank you!!!
Electrical_Parfait64@reddit
Spray fart spray down the vents
LouLouAnsi@reddit
What does your lease say about smoking? Many leases don't even address smoking, but over the last 10 years or so, more leases do address smoking, and most prohibit it, particularly smoking indoors.
Your indoor smoking neighbors, likely have the same lease that you do. If it's prohibited in your lease, the landlord/property manager can evict them for breaching the lease terms.
SalisburyWitch@reddit
Piss disks with cigarette butts in it.
Reasonable-Crab4291@reddit
Buy a no smoking sign and hang it on their door.