Anyone else have children later in life? We followed the advice to get through college, get our careers started, buy a house, THEN start a family. I’m exhausted.
Posted by DilbertDilbert1011@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 786 comments
Almost 50 and feeling worn out and out of touch. Meeting midnight sports buses then getting up for work for example feels like it might kill me. I realized recently that my parents were in their 30s when I was in high school.
bullydog123@reddit
49 with a 9yr old. Coffee and energy drinks. Also take your vitamins .
PeriwinkleWonder@reddit
My parents had me when they were 20 y.o. They had lots of energy, but NO MONEY or life experience. It's a trade off.
24Jan@reddit
Interesting and thanks - I look back and think I wish I had more kids (only have one who is 27). Then I see friends paying enormous amounts for their multiple kids’ universities … then again I wish I’d get to be a grandparent (son probably won’t because of being on the autism spectrum), partially because I wish my dna to be part of a family tree in centuries to come… and then again even if someone looks at the family tree, it’ll be for a few minutes … and a dna expert posted that much dna gets washed out within a few generations… indeed, all earthly ambitions are in vain; be loving and kind in life and live in the present moment
Inessence4@reddit
Sometimes I wish I had been born to parents more financially stable as we grew up impoverished. Fast forward to now and I'm glad I still have my mom when I'm 53. Definitely a trade off.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Same. My boomer parents married at 19 the summer after high school graduation and waited until they 21 to have me. The first half of my childhood was total chaos and we moved 12 times before I was 9 years old. I didn’t want to do that, but I now feel guilty because my son has stability but also senility haha!
Viperlite@reddit
My parents had me when my Dad was 40 and Om was just a few years younger. They were crazy tired. I’m glad I was done having kids by my mid-30s. I could feel myself getting more tired with each addition to the family and years added to my tally.
Ancient-Text9990@reddit
My husband and I are 1966. Married in 1990 but we didn’t have kids until 2004 and 2010. Turning 60 this summer. I did miss the freedom at first but we have a lot of new friends that we hang out with and vacation with because we met them all through my youngest. They are all around 40. Keeps us young. I was tired with my youngest but kept busy all the time with sports.
ArcticPangolin3@reddit
Sorry dude, no advice here. I never had kids and I'm exhausted.
Capybara2120@reddit
60 with a 20 year old daughter. She keeps me young and active. I was able to enjoy my life and become financially stable before I had my daughter.
kelllibrarygal@reddit
Oh hell no. I’m exhausted watching my son’s friends with their kids.😁I applaud you for having a career first and having your shit together, though. I got married at 18, had my only child at 22. Now I’m 50, he’s 28 and it is what it is.
Sweaty-Seat-8878@reddit
57 with 16 and 8 year old. I draw energy from them for the most part, try and keep the fear of physical decline at bay so they get the best of me. One of the biggest threats to happiness in my mind is getting grumpy and stale, and its impossible to do that when you have to blast "pink pony club" from your truck because your 8 year old wants to make it his walk up song :)
notabadkid92@reddit
Lol, my 12 yr old has strict rules for drop off. Radio at 0 volume & I am not to honk the horn & call him back if he leaves anything behind in the car.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Same. Around 12 my son suddenly preferred to pretend he was hatched and we the parents needed to stay out of sight.
Altruistic_Worker600@reddit
I am 55 with twin 15-year olds.
I was late 39 when they were born, wife was 36.
My parents were 23 and 24. ( !! ) I play the comparison game for that all the time and it blows my mind, but those were different times in many ways good and bad.
For NYE resolutions, this year I started walking a lot (average is about 3 miles/day) and hitting the gym 3x/week. Also switched from Coke to Coke Zero. Deleted Facebook, which was kind of a competing time suck.
Started feeling better / stronger around 6-8 weeks. I definitely have more energy. Scale says I have lost about 1 pound per month.
I thought that it would be somewhat easier. It ain’t. I think that my body looks like E.T. and I am secretly pining for the day when someone asks me if I have been working out, haha.
Regular_Stress5502@reddit
Had my kids in my mid to late 20's so they are now in their early to mid 20's and we are in our early 50's. Watch a friend's 2 year old sometimes. As much as I love getting the time with her- even if people do think I am her grandma- it can be exhausting. I don't think I could have started having kids later in life. We struggled a bit when they were young, but we had the energy and patience.
queen_surly@reddit
It isn't your age..it's the insane demands like "midnight sports bus."
Knowitsome3000@reddit
Queen I agree here, bigtime. Activities, sports and socializing are super important, but things that become bigger than fairly normal routines and take the whole family out of a healthy livable schedule are things that I/we avoided. Paid off for me, and I think that's why I found parenting at an older age easy for the most part. Except for menopause, the final year of my perimenopause followed by the year of menopause - Gaahhh! But that's another story...
notabadkid92@reddit
Every sport or activity that my son turns down, I feel so relieved! We do it if he wants but we certainly aren't making it mandatory. He has tried choir, band, football, golf & basketball. He wants to continue band & golf. I think that is enough. My husband & I expose him to lots of other activities, including travel & visiting family.
Knowitsome3000@reddit
This sounds perfect, and it's totally enough. It's raising a child who has an awareness of what's available to them. That was our goal. And if along the there was exceptional talented or interest, then go all in on it.
My focus was that socializing was key; playground, zoo, sleepovers, hanging out at each other's house after school, interacting in person whenever possible. Because when they're not doing that, it's headphones on, computer screen activated and gaming mayhem. Which is also socializing in a way because they are talking to each other In a group, but it's not the same as living and learning by being in each other's company.
notabadkid92@reddit
Exactly!
Thirsty4Knowledge911@reddit
I had my daughter when I turned 40. I’m convinced that it helped me stay young. I was climbing on jungle gyms, roller skating, and even started taking skiing lessons when I was 50.
I see friends that I graduated from high school with who remind me of my grandparents. They look 10 years older than I do.
Knowitsome3000@reddit
Thirsty, me too! Active and outgoing big time. I really do think they keep us younger, not out of necessity, but out of seeing things through a younger person's eyes. I guess ultimately it's just plain fun to have more fun, get silly, play the games, and maybe even do some of the things we didn't get to do ourselves when we were younger. And some of my dear Gen X friends who never had kids look or at least behave so much older, I love them but they sure seem to have less pep in their step somehow.
MalcolmReady@reddit
Man, I remember the surge of youth I felt the first time I bought my son a transformer. I was prob like 41? It was way more youthful than when I bought myself toys in my 30s.
That is a very interesting observation about your friends. I was reading a theory that the reason our generation looks younger than previous ones is just the prevalence of clean drinking water. But I wonder if it’s more that we deferred family stress until we were more equipped to handle it.
sdia1965@reddit
I like this theory. Unfortunately deferring childbirth till I was emotionally mature enough to be a parent has NOT been an elixir of youth goth this tired grey haired old hag….
archivesgrrl@reddit
I agree 100%. I look significantly younger than my friends. Until my late 40s all my Money was spent on me. I had good food, Botox, always had my hair and nails done. Got lots of sleep. Now I look like a bridge troll.
MalcolmReady@reddit
Haha. I aged 1000 years in 2020 alone, being locked inside with a 6y/o, a 3y/o and an extremely busy working wife.
belligerent_tortoise@reddit
It’s because you stayed active, and they were likely sedentary. That makes all the difference. I’m 50, walk 35-40 miles per week most weeks (barring illness/cold), and I could pass for early 40s. I don’t have gray hair yet, either.
Capital-Meringue-164@reddit
So true! I train hard to keep up with him and I’m the strongest I’ve been in my life (and I was a distance runner for a long time). They keep you young!
Cannoli_724@reddit
Love this! Me too. We just went rock climbing together last week.
rdnkgrrl18@reddit
I think that’s amazing! And I say this because after spending the day chasing my grand around, I forget how much work babies are! It’s nice to be able to take the time I didn’t have with mine, being a single mama I worked constantly. It’s like getting to see him with rested eyes. He looks just like my son did as a baby. I’m glad I had mine young because grrl, these ain’t the knees that took me from the window to the wall, I tell you 😆 but I do think this age of “grammas and pops” look why you get than ours did. I always think, my rents were so put together at my age 😆 I’m lucky enuf to still not look my age so I’ll hand onto that
Tls-user@reddit
Absolutely - I see high school friends who had kids in their early 20’s who now have grandkids and they look so old!!!
schmearcampain@reddit
That’s what my friend told me too. He was an older co worker and he’d had one later in life and he felt that kids keep you active when, if left to our own devices, we’d tend to slow down as we aged.
buttsackchopper@reddit
Yes!
notabadkid92@reddit
To all parents that have kids from different families - Please be aware that the different sets of kids may have resentment about their upbringing. My dad has 2 sets of kids & our older siblings were resentful of us until we could set the record straight we were were all older. They perceived that we were given the better life because our dad remained married to my mom & we grew up in a 2 parent household where the income rose a bit. It was a relief to eventually clear the air & let them know that appearances aren't the truth & we have the same dysfunctional dad, just grew up at a different time in his life. When they grew up he was absent due to his job & unfaithful to his wife. When we grew up he retired & started a whole new career & was also tuned out, & of course cheated on our mom. Come to find out, all of us have the same psychological issues as we all grew up with the same man in the same dynamic. The only one that was worse off was the only boy because for some reason our father never liked him. He is estranged from the parents now & I support that. Turns out that I, the Golden Child, was the most emeshed with our dad. It had a terrible impact on me. Made me scared into always pleasing my parents. I didn't become aware of this until I was in my 40s. Now, it's really too late to reconcile with my dad because his has Alzhiemers at 89 yrs old. But he is becoming more childlike & that makes it easier to forgive him & accept the role of caregiver. Not in my own house, let's be clear. He & my mom have their own home & have one foot in assisted living. Crazy how one parent can have so much power over everyone.
TemporaryOdd8052@reddit
We followed the same path and had our 3 kids between 35 - 39. Our kids are teens now and all is good. Parenthood is not easy no matter what age, it takes a village. We just have to try our best
Dismal_Estate9829@reddit
I’m 52 with kids in their mid-late 20’s. Thankfully.
West-Cabinet-2169@reddit
My sister is 56 with a 15 year old. She admitted to me she can't wait till her kid ready to go to uni. My brother is soon to be 55, with a 22, 20 and 15 y.o.
joefatmamma@reddit
I did. I was 30 before our first of 3. Youngest is a freshman in college and the older 2 graduated. I feel old but I know folks my age with young kids. No way I could pull off what i used to.
Anxious-Ad7998@reddit
I did the same. I’m not sure we could have paid for college for all three had we not gotten somewhat established before we started having kids. I do wonder how long we’ll be able to engage with grandchildren since we’re older.
Taekwonmoe@reddit
I am 55 and my kids are both 23. My SO is 53 and she has a 16 year old. I don't know how she does it.
eastern_ninja25@reddit
Yes. I'm 53 and have a 17 year old, and a 6 and 8 year old. I'm perpetually exhausted.
Taekwonmoe@reddit
I felt your pain with the 17 year old. Then you said 6 and 8, and my knees and back buckeled. Good luck to you!
the-cookie-momster@reddit
46 here with a 6 year old and a 6 month old. I would call myself a xennial. I know it was an unconventional path but we are having a fun life.
Livid_Bag_961@reddit
Had my first at 27 and second at 39. I now have a 13 year old and a 26 year old. I don’t know WTH I was thinking lol. I love my kids to death but I’m too old for PTO meetings and school fundraisers. One thing I always find funny is a friend of mine has a grandchild the same age as my youngest (and my oldest hasn’t even given me a grandkid yet). I joke with her all the time saying all my friends have grandkids why can’t I have one.
TenFourMoonKitty@reddit
My girlfriend and I were celebrating our college graduations in May of 1995 and on February 15, 1996, our son arrived.
She was on the pill and I was wearing a condom, but that one sperm really wanted to destroy our lives.
(Kidding.)
We were planning on eventually getting married (we did in 2000) and having kids, but not when we were 22.
One of my best friends from college and his wife tried for years to have kids (including IVF) until - surprise surprise - their daughter was born when they were in they were 47.
I’m 52 and my son just turned 30.
They’re 52 and their daughter is starting kindergarten next year.
They’re be in their mid-sixties when she graduates from high school. Will she have to pick them up from their retirement home on the way to the ceremony?
They’re well off enough where they’re not living off of peanut butter sandwiches on factory second bread or selling plasma to make sure their kid has diapers and healthy food, but I don’t envy them.
Yes, I bought his first bike at Goodwill, but I wasn’t suffering from intense back and neck pain when I was teaching him how to ride it.
Waking up at 6:00 AM to a three year old bopping my nose was mildly annoying at twenty-six, but if that sh-t was happening at age fifty I’d be dropping the kid off at the nearest fire station.
HOWEVER, I’m desperate for a grandchild.
SciencePants@reddit
The idea that they’ll be in a home in their mid-60s is so silly. I wonder if they know how much you are judging them from behind an anonymous account. I really feel for them. Finally having a child after fertility issues must come with so many feelings, and I hope they have friends who see this from a more clear and generous place.
Itchy-Grapefruit2756@reddit
Karen?
TenFourMoonKitty@reddit
Didn’t know that I needed to add the ‘sarcasm tag.’
My apologies.
hells_cowbells@reddit
I used to work with a lady who was around 44 years old, and had three boys from her first marriage ranging from 9-18 years old. She and her second husband had tried having kids earlier in their marriage, but kinda gave up. Then she got pregnant at 44 and had twins. I can't imagine trying to juggle all of that.
ejabean@reddit
Ooo, i remember being in my early 20s selling plasma for diapers. I do not miss those days at all. But, im 53 and my 33 kid just gave me my first grandkid, so there's that. :)
KaligirlinDe@reddit
Had my son at the ripe age of 38 and he'll be 22 this year. Glad I waited. Didn't really think about kids (grew up with seven siblings) until I met my now-hubby.
carefulford58@reddit
Had my sons at 42 and 45. It’s different. Never fit in with younger parents
godofthebasement@reddit
No kids. My wife and I (49 and 53) never wanted them. No regrets. We have family and friends with kids, and I’m happy I know good people raising the next generation, but we were both born without that parenting instinct.
sueihavelegs@reddit
Same here. My husband (41) and I (52) don't have kids either. I never wanted to be a "mommy". I knew and was very vocal about it since I was 4 years old (when my little brother was born lol) according to my mom. Never wavered. Love my life.
I am also thankful for the people that do want that life and are happy doing the real hard work when they are very young so they are good people when they are adults and I have to deal with them out in the world.
cadien17@reddit
53 with a 13 year old. Menopause and puberty at the same time is a blast.
Dorkinesss@reddit
Yep.....53 with miss 19, 15 and 13. And they have all synced, so one week a month our house is hormone hell.
Nervous_Leadership62@reddit
This is going to be me. 50 year old with a 13 year old and a 10 year old.
Chocol8Cheese@reddit
Yeah all the extracurricular activities these days . It wasn't like this in the 80s, 90s, and those kids don't want to be in all this nonsense like travel ball?!?! Thousands of dollars and Winnebagos for Bulljives like travel baseball.
One activity per kid and all activities need to be conveniently times. Your kids not going to be a ballerina or pro baseball player.
Kitchen-Safe7567@reddit
52 with an 11 year old. it's fine. im tired, but so is everyone else my age with kids at any age. I wukd have been a bad parent if I'd had her younger.
quigong80@reddit
I’m 56 with a 3.5 year old son. So yeah, I got a late start. Trying not to die until he’s able to appreciate me. Guessing I need to live to be 86 judging by the way kids mature these days. My dad passed when I was 21 and I was too into my own life to realize how important relationships are. Basically trying to be present and present love. Nice thing about being an old dad for the first time, I’ve already lived my life, easier to give him all my attention.
Aamrie69@reddit
I did it fairly early. I was 21 with my son. And omg, one and so done... Got tubes tied when he hit 1. Hysterectomy when he hit 21. But he hounded me forever wanting a brother or sister... omg hell no lol
PrincessGingercakes@reddit
Technically I’m a millennial. My husband 42M and I 41F have an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old.
chubbycheetah@reddit
48 with a 13 yr old and an 11 year old. 😩
SillyNluv@reddit
I feel your pain! I’m 59 with a 13 yr old and two 11 year olds. I’m so tired.
Alternative-Alarm-15@reddit
51 with a 6 year old
PinkKashmir@reddit
Bless your ❤️
nerdyjenious@reddit
Husband is 55 (Full X). I'm 46 (Baby X). Our kids are 25 and 19 (mine) and 22 (his) we thank Hera daily that they are the ages they are. We have some coworkers with littles and we're continually just like... OH THANK GOD THAT ISN'T US. 😂
ERW_ARC@reddit
I had my last at 29-thank God! Now, Hubs and I help navigate adulting.
minicpst@reddit
I had my kids at an average age (mid 20s/early 30s), but then I brought in a troubled teen a year ago. Even though he’s chronologically older, my bio kids never had me running around town in my pajamas looking for their location and calling 911 to have the police help find him for an attempted suicide. They never cut themselves intentionally.
So while he’s older, I do feel like I just had another younger child in a lot of ways in my late 40s.
He’s doing better after months of consistent love and trust, and so I’m able to start looking forward to the empty nest again in a few years when I’m in my young 50s.
Then I’ll move to my last house and instead of a “teen hangout” I’ll be planning a “grandkids’ room”.
onefourthofme@reddit
I have zero idea how my parents had me at nearly 41. I'm 54 now, and i simply cannot imagine. God bless them.
Carinyosa99@reddit
54 with an almost 17 yo. It was rough and I ended up with health issues so that just made it harder.
MaseratiMike1981@reddit
I’m 45 now, I wanted kids as late as 38, but then my sister died, and I had to take care of my nephew who was 13 at the time. He finished high school and moved out, i got married at 42, and an early talk with my wife when dating was “do you want kids?”, she said no, i was like “nah”. I “had my kid”. I was lucky to be an empty nester at 42!….I also did the math that IF we were able to have kids at like 47, my goodness I couldn’t be in my 60s with a teenager!….it felt like i raised 3 with my nephew
FatherVic@reddit
50 with a 12 year old. He has 3 siblings in their 20’s. It’s tough but fun to be able to focus on him.
NorcalGringo@reddit
52 and wife is 51. Oldest is 32 youngest is 27. Have 3 grandkids 6, 3 and 6 months. So glad we did it young. We were empty nesters in our mid 40's and living life to the fullest and doing what ever we want. Couldn't imagine having you kids at our age .
raxton1@reddit
No offense, but I refer to parents with a single child as ".5" parents. I didn't have this realization until my 2nd beautiful boy was born.
Both my wife and I were only children. And it was so easy.
HollygoLightly1970@reddit
I can’t stand that kind of comment. People who have multiple children have the luxury of putting those siblings together to play an entertain each other. When you have an only you are not just parent, but you are playmate as well. It is around the clock in multiple ways, more ways than when you have multiple children. Not saying it’s harder to have an only just saying it’s not easier than having multiples.
HollygoLightly1970@reddit
56 here and spouse is 61. Child is 14 and a freshman in high school. We are absolutely exhausted and sometimes feel we do not have the patience required to deal with the ever shifting moods and drama of a teenager. This of course is not our child’s fault so we sometimes have to try to remind ourselves to take a breath. But it is hard. Really hard. And it’s hard financially as well. On the other side of it, though, we are also aware that our child will lose his parents at a younger age than we did and so we want to build strong happy memories the best way we can.
Mulva1971@reddit
55 with 17 and 14 boys. I wouldn’t have done it any other way but yes, I’m exhausted for the last few yrs.
Zestyrunner@reddit
I had my kids young but my sisters had theirs later and I had to laugh—they were almost TOO secure! Their babies had bottles until they started school if they wanted, they paid for sports for their kids and let them quit after 2 sessions if they weren’t feeling it, they got the princess beds and professionally decorated bedrooms. It was a whole other world I’m telling you!
mmaygreen@reddit
52 and have 14 and 17 year old girls. It’s not for sissies.
Funny-Shake3363@reddit
my wife and I are currently 53 & 48 respectively (turning 54 / 49).
we had our first child 13 years ago (my wife 50, me 35)
I'm feeling it now...
The infant and toddler years were bearable, but I feel like I'm more tired now than I was when my daughter was an infant and wouldn't sleep due to colic.
My daughter will be 14 and my son 11 this year.
My poor wife has already been improperly assumed to be our son's grandmother on at least one occasion. She was mortified. :(
atx78701@reddit
56 with 18, 13, 10 is great
Wife is 51
placidranger@reddit
57 with 14 & 8. Waited too long, but very happy.
placidranger@reddit
No, wait, I'm 56. I keep forgetting, sigh.
LedFoo2@reddit
51 with a 14yr old and an 11 yr old. Didn’t get married until 35.
CollectionCrafty8939@reddit
I'm 50.. my kids are 20 and 16. I originally wanted them earlier, but had to find the guy to be their dad first.. im glad I didn't wait longer. I am always tired.
And to the ones who were talking about being worried about being a parent.. I just kept the mindset of "Don't do it like my mother did." I'm proud to say I have a great relationship with both my kids. They're good kids with good heads on their shoulders.
Honestly? I raised them to be mini-genXers. I have succeeded. They talk like us, think like us, are sarcastic like us.. just minus our internal and external battle scars.
AnnieFlagstaff@reddit
Yeah, most of my friends who had kids early had them with the wrong partner. Not everyone, but the majority. It’s a trade off. I waited and now I’m in my early 50s driving all over doing college visits and sports trips for my junior. But I’m still with the same partner and we make a great team.
CollectionCrafty8939@reddit
You're doing great, Mama. Hold that head up..
Educational-Big-7076@reddit
60 with a 16 year old boy Not how I had my retirement planned He gets everything the other children didn’t . I am debt free i own a home have no debts but he still had to be learn how to mange money and is for every grateful he will always have a home and be comfortable. That a wish I wanted for my other adult children fight to get into the housing market all with highly paided careers. I a better parent less stress and retired
Few_Resolve3982@reddit
I had my one and only child at 40. He just turned 10. It was not my plan to have him that late in life, but it was the hand I was dealt.
Active_Assignment_65@reddit
I’m 47 and have a 7 year old. The mind is willing, the energy levels are there, the body not so much, it hurts me so much to say “not now son, I’m in too much pain”
eversuperman@reddit
My daughter was born when I was 38. I'm now 50 and still feel younger than I did before she was born. I wouldn't change anything.
IAmEchosDad@reddit
I'm 53 with a 14 year old daughter. I'm glad I started a family later in life.
AcceptableSuit9328@reddit
My oldest will be 14 when I’m 53 also (have four years to go). I’m also glad we started a family later in life. I hear words like “midlife crisis” and that’s crazy talk to me. I lived like a carefree college kid until I was 30. Got sober and career focused after that. I drank and partied enough in my 20’s for three lifetimes. Glad I did all that when I was younger and now I enjoy being the boring, lame old Dad! 👍
IAmEchosDad@reddit
That is pretty much my life too. Sober now, and boring as fuck! It's sooooo relaxing.
alr12345678@reddit
I’m 52 with a 13 year old- right there with you!
rickthegoon@reddit
Man, I don’t know how you older parents of pre-teens survive. I had my kids at 29 and 31 and I feel that was personal limit in time. For a long time I wished I had them even earlier. So I was in my mid 40’s when they had their teenage rebel crisis years, and let me tell you, I can’t imagine going through these troubled years in my mid 50’s . I retired at 52 ( my wife retired 1 year later)right about when they finished trade school and university. That was perfect timing in my honest opinion; I could now start traveling while I’m still fit and healthy for months at a time without having to worry about them doing stupid shit . Their careers started pretty much the day after finishing their education . Having to take care of young children at the same time you might have to take care of your ailing parents must be quite a mental load, and that’s going to cut down your ‘go-go’ years by a large margin, and might even get you skipping that most enjoyable part of ‘freedom’ altogether. I do realize my opinion might not be popular on this topic, but I actually think you guys are braver than I was .
Careless_Mix5996@reddit
I had mine at 29 and I feel the exact same way. I was established and stable before I had her, and now that she's out of the house, I'm still young enough to do what i want to do. It's perfect.
Fuzzy_Put_6384@reddit
GenXer here raising a GenAlpha . Tired af breh
-no-fucks-given@reddit
I had my son at 40 too bro. Six seven. Cappuccino Assassino.
crimansqua_fandc@reddit
47f here. 4 kids: 11, 9, 5, 2. Bruh I’ve got no rizz anymore. Tralaleo tralala.
-no-fucks-given@reddit
Respect. I would say you ate and left no crumbs
LawComprehensive2204@reddit
I had my first at 25, second at 36. Yes, I’m 55 with a teenager.!
It is exhausting, but so much fun too. I couldn’t handle parenting little ones full time at this age (5 year old grandson can absolutely wear me out) but it’s a blast to have fun with my college freshman.
High school was much harder-all day weekly away tennis tournaments in the heat were rough!
Gets better when they are in college. Time spent with them is different and fun, with fewer intense parenting situations .
Having a grown, married child is also a great experience. We get the best of both worlds
Should say- We retired at 51, so we were fortunate that we participated in our youngest’s school events without balancing careers. I’m sure that made our experience easier than most.
Kkittums@reddit
Had mine at 21 and 25 thank goodness. Helped our single daughter with newborn twins for about 5 months. No fkn way. Exhausting.
TraKat1219@reddit
I’m 53, my oldest will be 33 next month and my middle child is 31 then my youngest is 24. I gave up those party years but I am much happier being older and carefree. No regrets.
DryAcanthisitta3631@reddit
Propaganda for raising the birth rate?
-CanisLupusLycaon-@reddit
Hell to the NO! Had a kid at 21 and got to work, put my head down and fully retired at 40. Now, my 26yr old can witness me enjoy retirement and live easy! Hopefully he does as well as or better than me in his journey. I will be watching and relaxing ready to assist if Grandpa is required to help out his kiddo.
upnytonc@reddit
I’m 48, husband is 50, we have a 10 year old. When my mom was 48, I was 28. Keeping up with my daughter plus perimenopause hitting like a truck, not sure if exhausted is a strong enough word. I only have 1 kid because I started so late. Can’t imagine doing this with multiple kids.
Inner_Republic6810@reddit
Turning 60 this year with my last two graduating high school as well. No regrets, but can’t not say I’m looking forward to them being off to college!
-no-fucks-given@reddit
Yup. I'm 49f with a 9b who has adhd, and I'm a single mom + disabled. I can't even close to keep up with him and I always feel so guilty
skijeeper@reddit
First 2 kids at 25 & 27 (kids are now 28 and 26), divorced, new marriage with 2 new kids when I was 41 and 43. Now almost 54 with a 9yo son and an almost 13 yo daughter. It’s exhausting but fun, totally different for second set of kids but would gladly do it again. I’m a different dad at 53 than I was at 27. That’s probably a good thing. I may change that when both are teenagers lol
glennis_pnkrck@reddit
Had mine at 22 and 25, and I remember that there were no other parents my age in the birthing classes - all either 16 and terrified or 40s and talking about nannies and career pauses. Most of my college friends had theirs in their late 30s and early 40s and are dealing with middle school or high schoolers - although my youngest just got a license at 24, so a few of them beat me to that at least.
It’s definitely a reasonable tradeoff as long as you managed to get that elusive financial stability in exchange.
NormalIndependent288@reddit
I'm 52 with a 12-year-old daughter. I sometimes feel physically old and exhausted, as I struggle with rheumatoid arthritis, which started only about three years ago. On the other hand, I feel like having a child later in life has kept me active and enjoying life more. I'm mentally really enjoying this life. And given that I really had my shit together before having a kid, I've done a bang up job raising her if I do say so myself. She is "easy" to raise because I'm an amazing GenX mama and not bogged down in my own bullshit. Lord, if only I'd had parents as great as myself to raise me! hahahaha
Significant_Hurry542@reddit
First at 42, second in the works at 44
By the time my parents were my age they had 2 out of 3 kids that had all moved out, finished uni and had jobs.
ajbadabing@reddit
I am 53 and have a 17,16, and 10 year old. Had a blast in my 30’s and no regrets. Age is a state of mind and many of us are in the same boat as you. Hang in there and enjoy the ride.
Flybear31@reddit
Yup. Im 45 and had her at 41, DH is 43 but we're maxed out and no way we wanted a second due to our age and limited attention spans. If we had met sooner in life maybe things would have happened sooner but who knows...neither of us could see having a kid with the previous model of significant other so here we are. :)
laurensdelulu@reddit
Had my kids late, they’re 10 & 9 and I just turned 50. Yes I’m tired but I’m glad I’m home with them and on the soccer sidelines Saturday mornings. I spent my youth out being insane and had a time
SpotMama@reddit
I had my first at 22 and my second (and last) at 35. He started kindergarten her senior year. RIP my ability to stop dropping kids off and picking them up from school.
Suspicious-Yogurt480@reddit
Had 3 when I was between ages 25 and 32, they’re all grown and gone. Then in 2nd marriage agreed to do it one more time now have an 11 year old I see every other weekend. But being almost 60 with an 11 year old makes me feel lees Dad energy more grandpa energy and I’d say it was more mindset and the emotional place we’re in than just a question of stamina. Her mother is younger now in her 40s with two more and is run down. That is to say my ex. But ya know it is what it is, I love that little one even if it’s only every other weekend, but ngl, that’s more than enough for me as my life no longer revolves around the daily raising of young children. So I’ve see both sides. All if it is hard even when it’s not supposed to be.
BBQGlazedSeabass@reddit
Had my son (the youngest of 3) at 42. They say it keeps you young. It just makes me feel older and more exhausted. Love him till the end of time though and wouldn’t change a thing.
belligerent_tortoise@reddit
Never had any. Never wanted any.
midamerica@reddit
Actually we dont regret it here either but being "adopted" grandparents without the middle step can be fun. Especially when can sugar 'em up then send 'em home! 😁
theredmans1@reddit
I am 53 and had 4 kids by 30. I still have a 29-year-old at home and 2.5 grandkids. I was not a career gal… I have always been domestic. My only sadness and regret is moving away from most of my kids so my husband could upgrade his job and climate.
beef311@reddit
Had my first at 41. It’s a ride. No regrets
Decent-Check-277@reddit
I’m 47, never wanted kids until the last few years. I was too afraid I would t be a good enough parent because of how I was raised. I just feel like I would be selfish to start a family at my age
missfozzard@reddit
I'm pushing 50 with kids aged 18-12, so about the norm for middle-class, educated parents. My parents were teenagers when my sibling was born, so I was very sure I wasn't going to have kids until I was done will college and established professionally. I'd rather be exhausted than parent at the same time as trying to get on at work, etc...
rhiannonirene@reddit
We are 46. Kids are 16,14 and 10 and I feel like we are among peers for the most part and there’s less parent drama. We all kind of know what’s needed and are settled and capable enough to do it. Helping my son learn to drive might be taking a few of the diaper months off my life but otherwise we are kind of keeping up.
BeBopBarr@reddit
Almost 47 and ours are 8 & 13. Our 8 year old has more energy than I can stand and it's exhausting trying to keep up with him
bratski@reddit
I’m 58 and have a 10 year-old and an 11-year-old. On the positive side I feel like I am much better able to be a grounded and loving parent now that I’m past all the craziness of my 30s and 40s, but I will admit that I do get tired at times and wonder about the later years and kind of the lack of lifetime and lifespan overlap. It is encouraged me to be physically fit and to watch my health and to always have check ups and make sure that I’m here for as long as possible to get them set up in life the way that I want them to be set up.
Whohead12@reddit
Turning 48 soon, both children are GROWN grown and starting their own little families. There were times I regretted having my kids so young but I’m in a position to be a bomb ass young grandma. ❤️
TurtleToast2@reddit
I'm 47, my kids are grown, and I've never been so tired. I don't know how y'all are chasing around children. My oldest told me he plans to marry and have kids in 5 years and I panicked at the thought of being asked to babysit. I'll be more tired in 5 years. It would kill me.
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
Necessity. Children don't give you an option. It must be done, and responsible people do what must be done, energy levels be damned.
SheriffBartholomew@reddit
My best friend is almost 50 and he has a two year old child. He's hella exhausted. This is his first and only kid. He always minimized the effort that I put into raising my kid correctly, being a good father, and maintaining friendships and a social life. Now that he has a kid he has tried to drop off the face of the earth a couple of times and I'm like "nope! Remember what you said? It's super easy."
GalianoGirl@reddit
I looked after my grandson 5-10 days and nights a month for the first 2.5 years of his life. I was 55.
It was exhausting.
My youngest is 28, my brother is 2 years younger than me and his oldest is 18.
Phillyeagle44@reddit
I'm 45 and have 5 total children. I had my first at 17 and last at 39. I'm very tired lol. Haven't had a real vacation in over 10 years. I feel like I've been raising children my whole life. My first 2 are 26 and 20. With my new wife I have a set of boy girl twins that are 5 and another 8 year old son. It's baseball season now work then games and practice 4 days a week. It feels like it will never end. But they will grow up fast and hopefully I won't be dead to enjoy retirement.
stardust_361@reddit
I had my son at 19 and my daughter at 40. I've never been so tired in my life! 🥱
jennlovesbettas76@reddit
I'm also 50. I have an 18yr old son (had him at 31) and a 10 yr old daughter (had her at 40). I've never been so tired in my life. Everything hurts, I try to stay as active as possible but having a baby at 40 took a lot out of me. I'm exhausted ALL the time as well. You are definitely not alone. Often times when I drop my daughter off at school I wonder if everyone thinks I'm her grandmother rather than her mother lol😋
Suspicious-Cat8623@reddit
First baby at age 23. Last baby at age 37. There is no perfect answer but the journeys are very different.
At 23, we had no money. At age 37, we did not have the same energy. Trying to retire while helping our last launch into grad school and adulthood had been its own adventure.
My advice for young couples: having your children while you are really young works out better in the end, but it is harder in the beginning.
metallicaset@reddit
My wife and I are in our mid 50s and we did everything backwards. Kids at 19. Got them thru college then bought a house. Became grandparents at 43 then got married. Last thing left for me to do is finish my college degree. It’s been an amazing journey filled with joy and challenges. Would I change anything? Hell yes, I’d do everything in the right order. There will be no cushy retirement for us.
More_Bluejay9938@reddit
Agreed
Catzklawz@reddit
52 with a 2 year old, whoosh, keeps me on my toes.
Upbeat_Call4935@reddit
54 with an 11 year old.
Love it. She keeps me young. She keeps me active. She is an athlete and high achieving student. I coach her teams. I am involved in her school and extracurricular activities.
I also have a 22 year old that came along in a much more tumultuous and financially unstable time in my life. It was about survival with him. We have a bond because it was just the two of us for a long time before my wife came into our lives.
I wish I would have been able to give my son the same opportunities that I am able to provide for his sister, but they both are great kids.
bizkitchris@reddit
Triplets at 35. I’m pushing 50 and it’s hard to keep up but at least I can afford to pay for activities to keep the busy
Express_Hotel2682@reddit
Chiming in here as someone who had all four of her kids before 30 and now am 50 with all 4 out of the house. Wanted to give you another perspective. I am 50 YO and finding myself aware that I’ve never “known” myself as an adult outside of being a mother. My husband and I never got to travel or just be young adults together without kids because we got married at 23 and started our family at 24. I never got to establish an identity or career as an adult. It’s nice to not have the responsibilities of raising kids anymore, but I am feeling very lost. It’s so strange to be 50 and have no idea who I am beyond being a mom. I guess I’m sharing because there really is no perfect plan/timeline for starting a family, I think. There are pros and cons to starting early, and the same for starting late. I look back and recognize that my husband and I were really naive in a lot of they ways we parented, only because we hadn’t had time to establish our identities as adults before the roller coaster of having kids began. I remember seeing “older” parents of my kids’ friends and feeling they were far more mature and established and secure than we were. And their kids benefitted from that. My kids turned out fine, but I do always wish I could have raised them with more of a sense of self as a person, if that makes sense. Anyway, just wanted to help you shift your perspective so you don’t feel regret. There’s always a good and bad to whatever decision is made, I think.
Street-Reputation-90@reddit
Willfully I waited until I was in my mid 40’s when we had our kid We are excellent parents
Consistent-Dog8537@reddit
Had my kids at 38 & 39. Not one regret at all.
rharper38@reddit
Me. Not for the reasons you listed, but really because my husband didn't want to have kids before we were married and took a while to propose. I was 35 with my first, 39 with my second. My mom had me at 41, but I feel like her life was a bit simpler back then.
I love my kids so much. I am glad I had them.
FreshLeggings@reddit
Is your husband a good father now?
rharper38@reddit
He's a great dad. He was married before and she didn't want kids. He accepted that, but he wanted kids. All the pics of him becoming a first time dad at 43 with our daughter and then 48 with our son are adorable. His grin
dudeatwork77@reddit
I’m 49. Maybe I’ll have a kid when I’m 60.,
socialcommentary2000@reddit
Im 47 and I couldn't conceptualize having a kid right now.
dudeatwork77@reddit
Well I’m not ready for one now, but future me, maybe.
Do you already have one though?
ProtozoaPatriot@reddit
I didn't get baby rabies until I hit 40. Got pregnant first cycle. 9 months later our little one arrived.
No regrets for waiting.
I think an important part of being a good mom is patience. And when I was younger I didn't have much
IT_learning_only@reddit
There's a lot of comparing having you to having old. Whichever choice is made, it has to beat doing both. The first couple get great times, then middle ones got no attention, and the last ones were raised by teenagers instead of adults. Of course, everyone loves the last one, so that one has no rules whatsoever.
CodenameZoya@reddit
Activities when we were growing up did not require our parents to do as much as parents are required to do nowadays.
Rude_Pangolin6136@reddit
So true. My boomer parents never spent a dime on me they didn’t have to (so clothes and food and Xmas and birthday presents), but no camps, no lessons, no “just because” shopping trips. I was bored a lot of the time, so I made my own interests and found stuff to do on my own. That definitely developed character in me, but I prefer that my kids have special talents cultivated, music lessons, cool trips, and cultural opportunities. It’s more work for me, but I prefer that we share really unique and important moments together because we only have them at home for so long.
Mikethemechanic00@reddit
Same here. My parents never spent time with me. We went on a few vacations and camping. No activities. Was never included in parties or nicer restaurants. My parents would hire baby sitters. My kids are 13. They get included in almost everything. They been traveling since the age of 1. They are foodies. We take them to food carts to high end restaurants. We have adult parties and they are part of it. I would have killed for my parents to show me what activities I could do. My kids are going to be black belts in May. I am very proud of them. I remind them I had parents who did nothing but work and remind us kids we had to be out at 18. I hope they continue to parent the way I did.
CodenameZoya@reddit
Not saying what’s right or wrong I’m just saying parenting has changed. It’s become much more active so don’t forget to throw that into your equations.
Atticus-XI@reddit
We did the same as you, but not on purpose. We said we'd never have kids, like NEVER. Then we got a bit older and decided, "Welp, let's just see what happens if we stop using BC, but don't actually "try"." And, here we are...
I'm early 50s,, wife is mid-40s. 9 y/o son with AUDHD, 6 y/o daughter is brilliant and essentially his third parent. We are all exhausted, can't stay up most nights past the kids' bedtime. I will say, however, it does keep you young. And busy, so f*cking busy...
Mikethemechanic00@reddit
Met my wife at 25. House by 28. Married by 32. Kids by 37. It was planned out minus a few years or two. We waited till parents retired so they could help us. At 51. I have less energy to do things. I don’t mind. I love it. We have 13 year olds who get to live in the burbs and not have to worry about crime or living poor. We go on big vacations all of the time. Our kids are foodies. We spend all of our time with them. Almost all of our friends had kids mid to late 30s. Most Gen X had kids as teens or mid to late 30s. There really is not a in-between. We are proud Gen X 2.0 parents. We don’t want our kids to be like Gen Z.
gaganotpapa@reddit
I’m almost 53. My husband is 50. We have a seven year old son. It’s exhausting! I know all parents are exhausted yet since he was born I’ve been through physical therapy three times for muscle strains, had long COVID and subsequent asthma/broncheictasis diagnoses, and just found out I have rheumatoid arthritis. All this on top of managing ASD and epilepsy. I’m old and tired.
archivesgrrl@reddit
I adopted my kids in my late 40s. I’m so tired. My youngest could pop a pod in the coffee maker and bring it to me since she was 5. She knows Mom is tired in the morning. 😂
Pure_Literature2028@reddit
I love this for you!
archivesgrrl@reddit
It’s a life skill!
kitikonti@reddit
50 with a 12 and 11 yr old , mine know that I'm evolving like a Pokemon and need tea before i can function in morning 😄
archivesgrrl@reddit
Hahahahha
Smharman@reddit
Meeting the midnight sports bus! I'm 55 and in a yellow shirt in the middle of the field with the whistle.
So fun.
Pale_Marionberry_538@reddit
55 here with a 23 yo and a just turned 15 yo. Wouldn’t trade it. I love how it keeps me active running him around to his sports, the games, the lessons etc. occasionally he mentions we are older than his friends parents. And I remind him I’m probably the only mom outside throwing baseballs and playing basketball with him no matter the age.
Continent3@reddit
We had our oldest at 29 and our youngest at 39. There’s definitely a difference in energy levels. Our youngest is wonderful, but it was definitely a challenge keeping up with her when she was younger.
Hang in there. It gets easier as they hit high school and start to drive.
belleepoquerup@reddit
I’ll be 50 soon- have an almost 30 yr old and then 12 and 10. :)
Star96Monkey@reddit
51 here with 32, 29, 28, 15, & 13. I’m tired, but we missed having little ones around so we started over.
anonlaw@reddit
57 with 35, 33, 32, 22, 20. And the first year the younger two were gone (college) work was shit and I couldn't appreciate it. This year, I took an alternative work schedule, 80 percent, and I'm learning to crochet and holy hell, people without kids can have so much time!
RagingPanda392@reddit
You sound like me. Been raising kids ever since I barely became an adult.
rutts21@reddit
53 next month and I’ve got 6,7 and 9. Motivation to stay in shape for sure.
East_Vivian@reddit
52 with 15 and 12 year old girls. I’m definitely 10-20 years older than a lot of the other parents, but there are a few my age. It’s fine. I am tired all the time, but I’ve got other reasons for that.
ayfkm123@reddit
Are you in a small town? I’m older than a lot of other parents but in my major metro not terribly so, and not the oldest
East_Vivian@reddit
Yeah, that’s totally a factor. When I got pregnant with my first kid at 36 we lived in more of a major metro area and I was the youngest woman in my prenatal yoga class. We moved farther out to a smaller, quieter, more working-class town when my first daughter was 2. The parents are significantly younger out here. It’s only 30 min farther out from where we were before.
geefunken@reddit
53 with 14 & 12 yo boys…I feel your pain
Ok_Prize_8091@reddit
My mum had her kids at 24 , 34 and me at 36 . I'm 52 with a 12 year old. I wasn't that much older than my mum (aged 40) when I had a baby. I never thought of my mum as an older mum , she was so darn active. I guess the difference is that she didn't work , that's the hard bit - needing two incomes to survive.
cinnamongirl73@reddit
I’m 52. My oldest daughter was born when I was 15 (I know-gasp pearl clutching). I had my middle daughter when I was 19, I know, I know. Then I decided to have my youngest daughter when I was 26. Why I decided to start all over again when I had two older that could handle themselves for cereal in the morning if I wanted to sleep in, I have no idea.
Did I appreciate motherhood more with the youngest? Absolutely. Did she wear me out? Also yes. Coincidentally, my oldests birthday is today, and we had her “family party” last week at my parent’s house. She likes to make the joke that after giving birth to her they gave me a sticker and lollipop. Ugh. But my middle child decided to ramp that up a notch (why is it ALWAYS the middle kid?) and said “how weird is it going to be when you turn 40 in 3 years and have to say “I’m 40 and my Mom is 55?” My Dad was howling-which is great because he did not find anything funny 37 years ago (obvious reasons) and kept ramping them up more.
I can say with all honesty that the older two with the extra curriculars were easier to deal with in retrospect, even though it was stressful, I had the energy. The youngest one? I was worn out when it got to high school and she decided to be an over achiever and start like 6 clubs, was invested in lots of school stuff, that required after school/late pick ups and cost myself and her Dad a lot of money to participate/lead the way in.
It was a huge difference, and I was 26 when I had her.
PleasedPeas@reddit
I’m 55 and all of my friends have small children. My kids are whole ass adults and have been for awhile. In my family I apparently had my kids “later in life” 27 & 29. The idea of having a kid at 45 or later stresses me out. Good luck everyone!
Open_Confidence_9349@reddit
I had my one kid later in life, I was almost 36. All of my half-siblings had their first ones, at least, between 15 & 20. By the time my kid was born, all of his first cousins had babies.
Pure_Literature2028@reddit
My youngest was graduating from high school and he said, “both kids graduated high school before you’re 50!”. Then he asked if we planned it that way. I haven’t planned any aspect of my life, so I don’t know where he came up with that. I’m just riding my wave, and enjoying the swells. 🌊
MissionOk9637@reddit
46 and my kids are 23, 20, and 17. I would not change a thing, they are independent for the most part and I have an active fun life. I can’t imagine having little ones at this point. I love my job and can travel. It was a struggle at times but I’m glad I had my kids when I did and not later.
I think kids are hard either way though. There are struggles that come with having them younger with less financial stability and struggles that come later with less energy or more health concerns.
bunnyhop2005@reddit
Me, we have a 5-year-old and 2-year-old 😬 I would have preferred to have kids sooner but I couldn’t imagine life without our two little dumplings 💗
Potential_Camera1905@reddit
I am 54 and my husband is 62 and we have a 14 year old. He is our only child and we are beat. Wanted more but it didn’t happen. Now realizing how much it costs to raise a kid we are glad to have been “one and done.”
floridansk@reddit
OP, you have a level of income to pay for your kid to play a sport that provides transportation. OP, you also had and remember an adult life before having kids, something your parents didn’t have.
Interestingly, there are a lot of us who waited and upon further reflection decided that we might not be well suited for parenthood and our nonexistent kids are better off for it.
Losaj@reddit
I, too, am an older parent. Its great. Remember though that people age differently now. When we were kids, people aged rough. Now, 50 is the new 30. Seriously, we are in so much better health. Its far easier for us to "keep up" with our kids. Also, being financially stable allows me to provide a much better life for my children.
floridansk@reddit
OP, you have a level of income to pay for your kid to play a sport that provides transportation. OP, you also had and remember an adult life before having kids, something your parents didn’t have.
Interestingly, there are a lot of us who waited and upon further reflection decided that we might not be well suited for parenthood and our nonexistent kids are better off for it.
Esc1221@reddit
Met my wife at 31, married at 34, first kid at 43.
Still no house because we lived most of that time overseas and it was never practical.
Housing prices are now unreal since returning home. There is a good chance we will never be homeowners since relatives cut me out of every will while I was out of the country.
ChaosReignsNow@reddit
You expected to only buy a house if someone died? Why not work and save money yourselves instead of counting on someone's demise?
MadPiglet42@reddit
This is unnecessarily rude.
ChaosReignsNow@reddit
It's a reasonable question.
VeganMinx@reddit
I turned 37 three weeks after my first baby was born. Fortunately I had a solid career and could afford help when I needed it. I only have the one son, and he is turning 21 this year. His father died when he was 4, so most of the load has been on my shoulders. You settle into parenting at that age because you understand life a little better. Regardless of age, the kids will wear you out tho! Have fun!
Foolgazi@reddit
Two of my friends had their first kids in their late 40’s. Amazingly they seem to be handling it well. Personally.. ain’t no way
AnxiousCheesehead@reddit
I was 31 when we had our first, not late but definitely not young. My kids getting a drivers license was game changing.
notevenapro@reddit
My wife is 51 now. First kid at 19 and second kid at 23. She was 43 when our youngest left home. Was it a financial struggle? For a couple years. But we unlocked the cheat code early on and she ran a home daycare.
MadPiglet42@reddit
I'm 51 and my kid is about to turn 20. I think I did it mostly "right" for me. Got married at 25, managed to buy a house at 29, kid at 31.
But we only have the one kid because the first one turned out so cute and what if the 2nd one was ugly?
(Just kidding.... a little)
We actually only had one because we wanted to tote her around the world with us and give her everything she needs to be successful as an adult, and us having had more kids would have made that way more difficult.
So we have one kid, she's awesome, a bunch of dogs and a cat that hates us.
Cryo_Dave@reddit
Not myself (I'm 60 BTW), but I have a friend from high-school who has 4 kids the same ages as my grandkids. In addition, he recently lost his (younger) wife to cancer. From all I can tell he's getting along as well as anyone could humanly expect, but I just spent the last week watching the grandkids while their parents were on a cruise. I've become very aware of how much I've aged since having my own kids. It's given me a new level of admiration for my previously mentioned friend.
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
Don’t you think that part of the exhaustion is from being used to not being on the run all the time? You have a baby and it’s really tiring for a couple of years, then it slows down until they start sports and school and the intensity builds, then it gets easier when they start driving themselves. My point is that when you take the grands, it’s a shock to your schedule. But if you raised a kid, you’d just be living life and go with the flow as the schedule changes.
Cryo_Dave@reddit
There is an aspect that for sure, but even parenting my own kids I noticed a big difference in energy level between becoming s parent at 26 vs 36. Nevertheless, I'm sure having kids at an older age helps keep you young.
iheartwestwing@reddit
I don’t know about your parents, but mine never met a midnight bus for any purpose.
It’s not just that we are older (in 47 with an 11 year old). It’s that no one did for us what is expected for kids now. I think that feeling is exhaustion is from being a candle lit from both ends.
AngryBagOfDeath@reddit
48 here with a 6 year old. I'll be the guy dropping her off to her college dorm room when her friends say, "your grampa is so cute".
Pristine-Speaker-768@reddit
Yes, I am 52 and have an 11, 12, 29 and soon to be 31yr old.
thecrowtoldme@reddit
Im 51 with 24, 23, 20, and 12!
Baiji519@reddit
I was 39 when I had dear kid.
I was 50 when dear kid was 11. I thought I would die. lol
High school was the worse. So many obligations that truly mattered.
Dear Kid graduates this year from university. I can’t wait.
Diligent-Contact-772@reddit
48 dude with a 1 year old. My older daughter is 23.
Bac7@reddit
Oh man, you have me beat. I have a 4th grader and also a mid-20s who has a baby. I don't think my sanity could handle diapers full-time again.
yangstyle@reddit
I'm 60 with a 15 year old. My one and only. Would not trade the experience of raising him or him for the world. I'll do what I can to help with college but he knows the expectation is an academic or athletic scholarship; he is qualified for both.
RoseAllDay8@reddit
50 with a 14 yr old and a 16 yr old. I feel like it’s starting to get easier. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
SincerelyDuffy@reddit
50 with 11 year old and 15 year olds, worrying Bout insurance and college when I should be thinking about retirement, but I wouldn't change a thing about parenthood.
BakeSoggy@reddit
Nope, we had all three kids by the time I finished college. We were Mormon and living in Utah at the time. The bigger scandal was that we waited so long to get married. We were in our mid 20s.
bostyluv@reddit
I'm 58 & have 7 ranging from 39 to the baby who just turned 18. I also have 4 grandbabies. Now I'm back to working full time & also running our homestead. Some days I'm running on fumes and the sad realization kicks in that I'm still nowhere near retirement age when I might finally get to take something that looks like a vacation but the plus side is I'm getting my cardio in lol.
BigFatGramps@reddit
My wife & I had our first & only child when I was in my late 30's and my wife is five years younger than me.
Yes, it was exhausting. But I realized, as an older parent, what I lacked in stamina was off-set with patience, something I didn't have in my 20's.
Capital-Meringue-164@reddit
100
FabricArsonist@reddit
I have a 27 year old and a 14 year old. Both young and older parent.
Biggest thing, my youngest never shuts up. At 51, I am just not in a talkative mood ever. And I get tired of hearing how REM, the Killers and Gin Blossoms just suck and how some auto tuned tool is fantastic. Usually in the middle of whatever I am watching om crunchyroll.
My oldest is in the air force and sends me pictures of my.grandson cat all the time.
Capital-Meringue-164@reddit
I’ll say that you are lucky that your 14 year old talks to you! Ours has gone almost fully silent around us, one to two word answers (very different around friends).
ColoradoAfa@reddit
I’m 48, with a 7 and 10 year old. My wife and I have several health issues (some serious), but am determined to get to know my future grandchildren well. Now is a particularly exhausting time in history (looming depression or other type of worldwide financial collapse, lots of job loss and unstable employment, war, very obvious climate change, etc etc etc); but we need to endure for our children’s sake. Our ancestors lived through and survived craziness, and we can too. You got this!
Capital-Meringue-164@reddit
I’m 50 with a 7 year old, and also three older kids - 14, 22 and 29. So I’ve seen both sides as a very young mom and older mom. I will say that I was absolutely exhausted at 21, it was not easier, though it could be the shock of being a new parent - I think that’s hard at every age. I was totally overwhelmed with trying to figure out life - my 20s are a blur. Now dealing with perimenopause which has its own challenges. I’m up early because my 7yo has an ear infection that kept him up. Paired with my peri insomnia, it’s rough - but life is so much easier for me now overall compared to my 20s. My take is that whenever you become a parent is both the hard and the ideal timing - don’t sell yourself a script that you messed up somehow doing it later in life. Parenting (like all caretaking) is just HARD, but so beautiful and meaningful too.
rbrumble@reddit
I turn 60 this and I have two teenagers in the house, when many of my peers are grandparents. This is my first marriage, which was 30 years ago. I went to university late, which meant buying a home late, which meant kids late. No regrets, my parents were poor af and my kids will never know what it means to go without.
stavingoffdeath@reddit
I skipped kids altogether. Highly recommend.
Pais08@reddit
Completely agree. My nephew has activities almost every night and weekend, it seems like it would be so exhausting. I’m happy hanging out with my pets.
Hydroidal@reddit
It’s the best thing I never did!
liamjonas@reddit
Im 48. 15 year old son, 12 year old daughter. The middle school and high school just had a joint concert band concert and they got to play on the same stage together for the first time. I never thought I would live to see the day and got big time emotional. Both are talented musicians, area all-county for vocals, percussion, and clarinet.
My wife and I met in 2000, dated until 2005, then waited until 2010 before my son was born....so like 10 years together pre-kids doing the struggling 1 br apt, eating Ramen deal. I wouldnt trade those years for anything, but I never want to go back either. If I had kids back then it would be a crazy mess. Yeah, im tired and old now, but they are both 💯 better off having old tired parents that put them first instead of the 22 year old version of me who just wanted to play shows with my band every night, sit around all day doing nothing but writing new songs for crowds of 10 people.
BobsMustache@reddit
Hold my beer. 52 in a month with a 9 and 4 year old boy. Constantly exhausted lol The thing is, every game we play, every hug and kiss I give, every undivided attention I show them is something I never had at their age. So I guess my exhaustion will take a back seat for awhile 😀
Vandilbg@reddit
My friend just had a baby, he's 50.
I gave him congratulations and condolences whichever was appropriate.
Wonderful-Werewolf-1@reddit
I feel this as both are needed in any given day. I was slightly younger with mine. Now I want to retire and relax. Cannot. But it’s still wonderful. Just exhausting.
Persy0376@reddit
50 and have a 7 year old. Some days it’s hard and others I feel like it keeps me going. If it wasn’t for menopause symptoms I’d be super content. Occasionally I’d give anything to spend a Saturday on the couch with hubby watching movies but I’m sure we will get that again someday.
Electrical_Spare_364@reddit
I had my son at 35, waiting for the house, career, etc. I feel your pain and remember the exhaustion.... but my son's out of the house now and off to college and I'd trade all my lazy well-rested days just to have him back!
Just kidding, he's happy so of course that's what I want for him. Just remember to enjoy it while they're there, because it doesn't last forever -- and when they're gone, they're gone.
Picnut@reddit
I'm (51F) exhausted all the time. I feel so guilty that our youngest (now 17) hasn't gotten nearly the attention that their older siblings received. I want to be out doing all the things with them, but I am emotionally worn out and physically exhausted
redditor7691@reddit
When they leave, you will be sad. But then you will also feel a level of freedom you’ve never felt before. Then grandkids. It’ll be good. Don’t worry.
dirtybo0ts@reddit
I’m child free but my brother had his first child at 46 and they’re trying for another (he’s 50 now).
He’s always exhausted.
CtrlAltDeli@reddit
49F with a 9 yr old. I think it helps keep me young and going. Got to do tons of bucket list travelling before he got here, got our careers stable, house/car/retirement fund, all of that - And noe that he’s finally old enough to join the real travelling (not club med all inclusive type) we are going on a Serengeti safari this summer.
Wouldn’t change it, even though I am tired. Figure menopause would have me feel that way regardless of kids age though.
MargieBigFoot@reddit
I’m right where you are. I didn’t have my daughter until I was 40. It is exhausting, but I think life would be at this age anyway, and I am glad I had time to get an education, move around a bit, and travel before having her.
ayfkm123@reddit
I don’t feel more exhausted than others but I do feel more nervous and sad w each year that passes bc I feel I did my kids a disservice having them in my mid 30s bc I won’t be around for them.
gratefulkittiesilove@reddit
Hard second the check thyroid comment. That was when mine punched me in the face. Also get your hormones checked and probably get on them whether make it female you’ll feel better. No need to suffer!
ShelterElectrical840@reddit
And your iron. Lots of women are borderline anemic. I feel so much better after taking my iron.
Bigshout99@reddit
55M with a 2 year old. I lost 10 kgs in the first year just from going up and down stairs in the house, doing baby stuff. now it's like having the best puppy in the world and he can talk and tell me his made up jokes. I didn't put the weight back on but my social life has been severely curtailed, for now.
LangdonAlg3r@reddit
Yeah, I definitely had some carrying around kids upper body strength that’s gone now. I can still pick them up, but they’re heavy af now and that’s them being bigger and me being more out of shape. I remember when we were visiting DC and our son was like 4 and he had absolutely had it with waking and I had to carry him like 1/2 a mile because we couldn’t get a taxi or anything because it was so busy everywhere. That SUCKED, but at least I was conditioned for it. I don’t think I could even do that now.
stuck_behind_a_truck@reddit
I had mine at 30 and 32 and feel like it was perfect. I still had energy, but I also had (some) maturity.
New_Book131@reddit
Same for me, 30 and 32 were great ages for having my children.
ManintheMT@reddit
Same for me, a dad.
sometimesnowing@reddit
I don't know how you do it! I am 50 and while HRT is mostly saving my sanity (and marriage) its definitely not doing enough for me to tolerate any form of involved or active parenting. Hormonal teens would be well beyond my capabilities. There would probably be actual murder lol
Irishdoe13@reddit
I’m 56. Had our first two while in college at 19 & 22. When I was 39 & 41 we had our last two then hubby got fixed. The last two were so much easier and we were more relaxed. Of course it helps that the house was paid off and we had a higher income lol. The two youngest are 15 & 16 (almost 17) right now and it’s a breeze comparatively. Good luck! It gets better.
SunnySandyLou@reddit
53f with a 16 yer old and 13 year old twins. Work full time. Supportive 2nd husband who travels. I love that I waited because I wasn’t ready to give myself up, so no resentments, but super tired. I figure I’d be tired if I had kids at 20 so they keep me on my toes,giggling at their Gen Alpha slang, and young at heart. I pass out hard at the end of the night, for sure.
CaptainFlynnsGriffin@reddit
Get your thyroid checked. If it’s low, you can be zapped of everything.
When are your kids sleeping. Start complaining about the long extended hours. They’ve lost the plot.
If you are on other medications read up on all the secondary side effects and make sure you’re not experiencing side effects.
patrickwbateman@reddit
Yup, 51 I have three girls ages 4, 6, and 12 although admittedly I’m a bit of an anomaly at my age - I get up to workout or train (boxing, Muay Thai) every morning at 5am, work from home so I can drop off pick up then up after school (no school buses for them, my parents had this shit so easy lol) then evenings jiu jitsu/wrestling while my two oldest girls do their jiu jitsu and Muay Thai classes - oh and soccer practices/games for two girls, and swimming dance for my youngest who also is on the spectrum so we have 4 hours of in home ABA therapy every single day after she gets home from school. Also I work from home as CTO for a small/medium real estate group, so you know the bills can get paid.
To be fair my wife works as a nurse Thursday- Saturday over nights so she can do some of the heavy lifting earlier in the week and I can get as many hours logged for work, since Thursday - Sunday I’m pretty much “it”.
Tired? Yeah but I guess I don’t slow down enough most days to notice
fudge_u@reddit
Thanks for the heads up. My wife (38) and I (46) are going to have our first child in a few months. She's mentioned that she wants two but I've told her I only want one. We're high risk, so I'm counting my blessing for one healthy child. I don't think I'd be able to handle two and I also don't want to work forever.
jodiarch@reddit
Good luck. I had mine at 41 now 50. Best thing ever. Their are pros and cons to having kids later on life. And I regret nothing.
Upstairs_Emu_9248@reddit
Yes. I’m 53 and have an 11 a 9 and a 7 year old. My wife is 40 so add that in there too.
dannieandme@reddit
I’m 54 (almost 55) with a HS senior and a middle-schooler. I feel it’s kept me younger in spirit and in physical shape, although I do have Parkinson’s now, which is rough.
FlyLemonFly@reddit
Almost 55 with an 11 and 8 year-old. I’m always the oldest mom at kid things, sometimes get called their grandma and am frequently tired. But I’m still glad I waited until I was older (maybe not quite this old) to have kids.
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
You gave birth at 44 and 47?
FlyLemonFly@reddit
43 and 46 through IVF.
Antique-Produce-2050@reddit
54M with a nearly 18F headed off to college in the fall. We started a bit late because we were just partying and being in bands and stuff. Our child has been easy but we are both pooped. Need to fucking retire and join a band again. Hahah. I could not imagine having a newborn right now. I would die.
Jimmy-the-Knuckle@reddit
54 w an 8 year old. I work triple duty to stay in good shape.
5um-n3m0@reddit
Had twins when I was 44. Nearly killed me.
Sleptwrong65@reddit
I had my oldest kids when I was in my 20s, with my ex. In my late 30s I met someone 16 years older than me who was wonderful! We had everything in common and were compatible in every way. He never had kids, his ex couldn’t I guess or didn’t want to. We had two boys together when I was 40 and 42. They are amazing autistic kids who are now 19 and 21 years old. Two years ago my husband, their father, passed away. I don’t regret having my kids but I wonder if they sometimes feel cheated.
Sorry if I brought everyone down. I just felt compelled to contribute my experience.
ZealousidealGrape982@reddit
Some guy ( m53) at worked married his much younger second wife (f32) and is expecting his 4th child. 15 year gap between kids with his first wife. Bahahaha
Southern_Monster@reddit
My parents did that. Married at 15 years old, mama, and 21 years old, daddy, and had age differences of 15 years between first child and youngest twins with 1 miscarriage and 2 more sisters (9 and 11 years between them and youngest twins).
I don’t know how they managed financially, emotionally, or physically. She was a stay at home mom and he was a fireman and part owner/painter/landscaper/builder of a construction business. She managed the money and ran the home.
Third grade education for him-he had to live with relatives and work the farm as a child and 9th or 10th grade for her. Yet they owned their home, an RV motor home, various vehicles including 2 cars, work trucks, personal truck, landscaping equipment, burial plots, and vacationed twice a year to Smoky Mountains by the time they passed away.
What I’m saying is my husband and I both work full time but will never have the self made success they managed to build through hard work, careful money management, and a clear division of who was responsible for what. Frankly, I get exhausted thinking about all the balls I have to keep in the air on a daily basis.
Wonderful-Group-8502@reddit
I'm 55 with a 15 and a 10 year old. I feel a ton of energy like I'm still 20. I was sprint racing my 10 year old today. But objectively I don't think this is fair. We should have been able to have kids in our 20s, but in my case too poor, and waited until I had a foundation, home. I try to warn younger ladies not to make my mistake. My mom had me when she was 26. I just refused to bring babies into poverty. Now maybe I think I should have just taken the plunge. But I did luck out I still have the same body as when I was 20 and a ton of energy.
W01f1379@reddit
It sucks being born into poverty. You gave your kids a better shot at life because you waited.
AquaGB@reddit
I think I might win the prize. I'm nearly 59 and have two kids, 7 and 8. AMA
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
Holy crap Bro. Those are busy ages!
littlecloudyskye@reddit
My husband has you beat, 56 with a 2 year old! I’m 48F we had an oops 3rd.
AquaGB@reddit
Arrgh!! I've been stripped of my title!
mad_dog1985@reddit
Damn I thought I was bad. I'm almost 59 and my oldest is graduating high school next month.
Feisty-Cloud5880@reddit
Damn... I hope you get a nice solid restorative rest tonight!aa
WinterMedical@reddit
Dude. You gotta be so tired!
martafoz@reddit
Got pregnant and had my one and only at 42. She's 14 now and was diagnosed with a rare and fatal genetic condition at age 6. Until I found out I was pregnant I was a "no kids" woman. As a caregiver parent, sure I'm tired. But I also experience guilt at bringing her into this life only for her to decline and die in pain and confusion. I keep it all going for her.
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
I’m so sorry.
jeroboamj@reddit
She seems blessed and fortunate to have experienced you as their mom I hope she has some comfort these coming days and you as well
CeilingUnlimited@reddit
I’m 60. I had my kids at age 23, 26 and 29. They are all in their 30’s now, each with two kids.
I traded away my 20’s. I was poor as a couch mouse, massive stress of raising three kids.
My fifties were quiet and peaceful. I also had good money.
I’ll always wonder about missing my 20’s.
Masqueesha@reddit
If you lived your 20’s like I did, you didn’t miss much. I honestly don’t remember most of my 20’s since I was drunk much of the time.
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
I just worked my ass off.
nocturneOG@reddit
53 with a 3.5 yr old and a 9 month old. Love it.
Average_Random_Bitch@reddit
59 with an almost-7 and 3.5 yos.
I adopted my grandkids. Absolutely love it.
sdia1965@reddit
60 with a 20. I’m old and worn out, but we have so much fun, I really like her as well as loving her to bits. I’m proud to see how well she’s slow-launching. I worry she’s an only kid and that yeah I am old and think about how my horizon is limited. I was not ready to be a parent before I became one, and I’m really confident in her as a young adult.
denvergardener@reddit
I know a friend of a friend that got married right away and raised 4 boys.
Got a divorce when they were in high school. Started dating a new woman who didn't have kids but wanted kids. He had 2 more with her. By this time his boys were in college. And he was starting over again. It's wild.
A close friend is over 50 and has a kid under 10. Also wild to me. When I was 10, my grandparents were in their 50s. He's an only child and his cousins are all adults. By the time he's 40, everyone he knows and loves will be dead and he'll he alone in the world.
Southern_Monster@reddit
I have a 26 and 22 year old so I think my starting age was average. 28 for the oldest and 32 for the youngest, 54 now. My baby girl, 22, already worries about me dying and it’s the saddest thing to me. She thinks her Dad (54 on this Friday) and I will leave such a major hole in her life. I remember feeling the same about my mother (coincidentally, she was 32 when my twin and I were born) but I had an older (by 15 years) brother, two older sisters (by 9 and 11 years), and of course, twin. Twin had a major heart attack a month ago and the defibrillator was used to bring her back to us. This has made daughter’s fears much worse. AND my fears because I’ve never thought for a moment about losing twin. I told husband that twin is a part of me in much the same way as my children. Having already lost my daddy, mama, and brother to cancer I’ve been scared of losing anyone since but it never crossed my mind to worry about losing twin at 54 years old. I’ve rambled but my point is that when families are smaller then I can absolutely see where the idea of being left alone without anyone that’s known you since birth would be terrifying and heartbreaking. I think I should have and would have started earlier and had 1 or 2 more kids had circumstances been more positive, if I was better at being pregnant (mostly was sad or angry except for feeling those awesome baby movements because again circumstances), if I’d have appreciated how much a larger family enhances the quality of life after my husband and I are gone.
AdSpiritual220@reddit
Very depressing
Cannoli_724@reddit
52f with an 11yo. So glad I lived free for me in my 20s/30s. Happy and settled living a nice boring life now…. Ask me again in the teenage years tho !
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
13 is tough for both genders.
Far-Ad5796@reddit
52, with a 16yo. He recently got his license and all I can say is thank god, because I may not have made it another year as his chauffeur. I have zero regrets having a kid when I was more settled, and didn’t find the little kid phase too hard. My only regret is my parents. They couldn’t wait to be grandparents and are awesome ones, but they now have health issues and infirmities that prevent them from being the grandparents they dreamed of. My kiddo got the best of them, but I’ve got nephews from 2 to 7, and they honestly can’t really babysit them or do solo caretaking for them, and it breaks their heart.
cymonium@reddit
I was crazy in the other extreme. I had 3 kids in diapers by the time I was 23 (they’re all less than 2 yrs apart!). I was also married and in a highly religious and abusive situation. While I don’t recommend the circumstances, no way in hades I could have reared those 3 kiddos later in life.
I’m now 50 with a teen from my 2nd failed marriage. (I sure know how to pick them! Sadpanda). I’m exhausted trying to keep up with just the one, working full time, and keeping up with virtual college to finally finish my BS! Meeting those late night busses is killer. I’m glad there’s only a year left of that!
I would suggest high fiber diet, plenty of H2O, mobility exercises, and making sure to get 8hrs rest. (It’s helped me loads!)
While the 8hrs of sleep may not work, nap when you can!
Wish you all the best fellow GenXr. 🖖🏼🤘🏼
Careful-Use-4913@reddit
I’m 46. My eldest is 20, and my youngest is 3. Husband is 53. I was 9 when my own mom was my age.
schmearcampain@reddit
56 with a 1 year old. I have two others in their 20’s. Honestly, I really like it and missed having kids around when my first two left for college. I’m a lot less stressed these days, and fully confident in my child rearing skills, so there’s less doubt and anxiety about “messing it up”. Plus I work a lot less these days so I can enjoy the experience more.
MommaLaughing@reddit
Dang. I went through menopause around age 50! Not sure if you are a male or female.
schmearcampain@reddit
Male. So yeah, no real miracles taking place here 😂
Independent-Cap-2115@reddit
Your bio child???
schmearcampain@reddit
Yep! Different partner this time around.
MegLizVO@reddit
I’m 54 and I have a 27 and 29 yo’s. So here is the thing.. you have them young you give up the freedoms in your 20’s. So I was having babies my girlfriends were still clubbing and going to happy hours. Now on the flip side now those same friends still have kids in the house or they are soon leaving for college. I’ve had almost ten years of freedom ahead of them. Exhaustion is real either way but you can’t have it both ways. Cant have kids when older and have 20 year old energy. Maybe you don’t remember all the freedoms you had while you built your career and bought a house. Maybe somewhere in the middle is the ticket.
mustang-and-a-truck@reddit
Yea, I don’t really know what the better answer is. I had my first at thirty and my youngest is 14 and I’m 51. We didn’t have the financial stress that young parents had, and I think that makes for greater wealth in retirement because the money that you saved early compounded all those years and you’re still able to save some after you have kids because you make more. Plus, like you said, I lived a lot in my 20s. Being older and more mature, would you be better parents? I’m not sure about that either. But…… being mobile and able to go do things for yourself at 40 would have been wonderful. It might have saved my marriage. And you are going to have lots of time with grandkids and great grandkids, God willing.
Daforde@reddit
I'm 56 with a 5 year old...terrier mix. I love her to the moon and back.
Southern_Monster@reddit
🤣
East_Baseball8384@reddit
Nicely played.
rdnkgrrl18@reddit
I shore didn’t. I had them at 21 & 22 respectively, and for a week outta the year they’re actually the same age. By 40, I had an 18 & 19 year old and I was free. Now I have an almost two year old grand dude 😍
rdnkgrrl18@reddit
And just to add to this .. my mama had me and my sibling when she was 21 & 22 so my sib is 16 mths. Behind me. She decided at 38 to have a bay with her partner. So my rents have two 40+ daughters .. with two grown grand kids (25 & 26 this year) along with a seven yr old grandson just for S&G’s. Then an almost two yr old great grand. Wild behavior over here 😆 Along with this, as a side note, they’ll be at their 50th wedding anniversary this year (and they dated in high school for four years) so they’ve also been together for about 3/4 of their life. They are a treasure 😍
Global_Friend5300@reddit
I was 28 and 30 when my children were born. I often felt exhausted when they were growing up. But my first is a special needs person, and I definitely wasn’t prepared to deal with his needs when I was younger. Or to make decisions regarding his medical care.
Cold-Cheesecake85@reddit
I did mine young and stupid. Lucked out and got beautiful human beings out of it and feeling pretty chill now. No regrets but lots of judgement back in the day.
BSTXUSA@reddit
I'm 59 with a 34, 39 and 41 (or would be 41-he passed a few yrs ago) and 6 grandchildren ranging in age from 2 to 8. When I have all six grandchildren for a few days, I am so Tired! I don't know how I could keep up with little ones full time at this point in my life!
WHYohWhy___MEohMY@reddit
My husband and I thank the lord all the time that we had ours early. Was 30 when the youngest was born. He just turned 21 last week.
Ragus_0520@reddit
I’ll be 50 this summer. I have a 27, 25 ,14,14,14. I go back and forth on this subject. Some days I’m so glad I started young for the energy aspect but now that I have triplets entering high school😳 I’m such a better mom now with a little wisdom and patience. I spend more time thinking about how I’ve literally been doing this raising kid thing for almost 30 years, that gets me.
Tampadarlyn@reddit
4 with an 18 year spread between the youngest and oldest. Oops? I started at 20, skipped the clubs and started my family and career simultaneously. I was 38 when we found out about #4. NGL, it took a few days to process before I could tell my husband LOL
Exhausted doesn't even come close.
Proof_Audience_2651@reddit
I’m 51 and our daughter is 6. My anxiety about staying employed long enough to provide a future for her and my terror about the state of the world she’ll be living in eclipse my exhaustion. It all makes my eye twitch.
Solid-Wish-1724@reddit
I am right there with you. I lost my job at 47 with a 6YO. Lost my next job last year and she was 14. I am a 55YO copyeditor whose career is down the drain so I got a basic job at a school. I am terrified for her future in a world of AI, oligarchs and religious wars.
ClearlyandDearly69@reddit
Me too!!
Pristine_Main_1224@reddit
Sunday evening I was taking my 16YO, 14YO, and 12YO and assorted friends to a youth group. It hit me that I am 50. Both of my grandmothers were 50 when I was born. I almost drove into a ditch in shock. 😳
Bitmush-@reddit
I feel your numbness and dysfunctional brain.
54 with a 24, 9 and 6.
Always exhausted. But always on the move.
What else would I be doing ?
I'll tell you - sitting around thinking there are better things to do than sit around.
zip!!! another 10 years (If you're lucky......
......!
Aware_Mix422@reddit
I’m 59 with an 18 year old and 10 year old. I enjoy being a parent, but I sure wish I had started earlier. I just wasn’t ready and didn’t get my life together until I was nearly 40. It’s tough how exhausted I am all the time, but being a parent is the best thing I’ve ever done.
kTerpsReddit@reddit
I have 2 kids… 16 years apart. I tell the older one they were lucky, had young parents that wanted to run around more.
Jenshark86@reddit
Best thing to do is have kids as early as possible.
Buggg-@reddit
Wha?!? Best time to have kids is when you’re prepared to be a parent. That happens at different times in life for different people
Jenshark86@reddit
In terms of energy levels, the earlier the better
Buggg-@reddit
I understand that. But if you are financially strapped from limited career development at earlier ages, you may be investing that extra energy working long days or multiple jobs. This may also limit the child’s opportunities in life
AZJHawk@reddit
I dunno. I had three between 30 and 35, and I think that’s the best age. Old enough that we owned a home and I was established in my career enough that my wife could stay at home as long as she wanted. Young enough that they will be out of college and launched before I retire at 60.
If we’d had them when we were in our early 20s, it would have been so much more financially stressful.
Jenshark86@reddit
30 is a perfect age, still have lots of energy to enjoy them!
eljabo@reddit
This isn't always an option. I would've loved to have my one and only kid earlier, but my body didn't agree.
Surfgirlusa_2006@reddit
My husband is 48 and our kids are almost 11, 6, and 3 month old twins. When the youngest graduate from high school, he’ll be 66. Kind of wild to think about.
jasonm71@reddit
54 with a 14 and 13 year old. Yep, exhausted.
TheWiscoKid1@reddit
51 and an 11 year old boy, 9 YO daughter and 2 YO daughter. So ya, you could say I had children later in life. Kinda cool....
Heathster249@reddit
yup - 50 and 57 (hubs) with 2 boys 9 and 10 here. soccer, martial arts, baseball, basketball and absolutely everything else - we’re tired.
Substantial-Chip-102@reddit
I just turned 60. I’m a young 60 I feel like. And I’m really considering getting foster heads because I just miss having little kids in the house. My kids are in their 30s and I have grandchildren who are arranging an age from 2 to 14 but I really really miss having kids in the house all the time Really feel like I have the energy and would be up for it.
jkki1999@reddit
My parents had me in the early 70’s when they were mid 30’s. It sucked. I made sure to have my kid in my 20’s and I did. I had more energy and was willing to go to places like museums and stuff. I’m tired at 54, having a young one around would probably disable me.
imamominthemiddle@reddit
I’m 57 with a 22 yr old and 17 yr old. My partner is 60 with a 10 year old!
Definitely a weird place ro be!
Excellent_Squash_138@reddit
51 with a 4 year old and an almost two year old. I traveled the world earlier and have live in different cities. Now I just do kids things - not that tired to be honest. I’m running a half marathon in a couple of weeks
A_SingleSpeeder@reddit
54 with a 23, 20, and 11. She was an oops but we're more patient, better financially equipped, and she gets away with everything as we don't have that same energy level as before. We're both active and keep up with her most of the time except bedtime. We're done by 9 or 10 at the latest, and she's just getting started.
zoeturncoat@reddit
50 with a 13 year old and 9 year old. Exhausting, but I wasn’t ready when I was younger.
Bibliophilewitch@reddit
If its any consolation, my children are adults in the mid 20s now and I still feel worn out and out of touch.
violette7marie@reddit
I have a 19 year and a 17 year old with my 48 year old husband and I'm pregnant with our third. I'm a xennial or elder millennial. So best and worst of both worlds.
Tls-user@reddit
56 with a 19 year old
Daforde@reddit
Same! Mine are 20 and 18.
wolfavino@reddit
57 with 15 and 17 year olds. Exhausted doesn't begin to describe how I feel. At least they're now old enough where I can take a nap without worrying about one of them burning the house down. No regrets though. I definitely wasn't ready earlier.
spicolie22@reddit
I hate to break it to you, but 15 is prime 'burn the house down' age. Can't tell you how many times I've found my 16 yo son left the burner running on the stove and LEFT THE FUCKING HOUSE.
Teenagers are morons.
wolfavino@reddit
Fortunately, I have an induction stove!😉
PinkMini72@reddit
53 (me), hubby 59 we have a 17 year oldand a nearly 14 year old.
Godswoodv2@reddit
48 here with two, 11 and 9. Not looking forward to being mid 50s for high school.
icounseltoo@reddit
I hear you. I'll be in my 60s when my kids graduate HS.
Moana06@reddit
We are there...
Godswoodv2@reddit
Whats my future looking like?
Moana06@reddit
😆 Patience
icounseltoo@reddit
When I turned 50 I had an 8-yo and a 6-yo. That was almost 7 years ago. I am a much better dad at this age than what I would have been in my 30s. Although I had wanted to start early, it wasn't in the cards for me. My kids have so many more opportunities than what I had, and that gives me much peace.
mnsundevil@reddit
48 with a 24 yo and 22 yo. So glad I had them young!
Old_fart5070@reddit
My kids are very spaced. I had them at 34 (late-ish but average), 41 (definitely late) and 45 (way too late - what the heck was I thinking??). The biggest difference is that we have been left behind by people our age and not really accepted by the younger generation. We are in a sort of limbo. Then there is the energy issue. Running around at 35 and at 55 is not the same thing. And now that many people our age are downsizing and retiring, we are still dealing with K12 issues. If there is one thing I would definitely do if I had a life redo, it would be have all kids by 35.
AdSpiritual220@reddit
Agreed
Pugsly007@reddit
I’m 59. My stepson was dating a woman with three kids. They turned to drugs and we ended up getting custody of her kids a year ago now aged 10,12,and 15. Good thing we’re retired. How do people work and take care of kids?
AdSpiritual220@reddit
I'm not so sure they excel at either.
ClubberLangsLeftHook@reddit
55 with a 9 year old, and having a blast!
AcceptableSuit9328@reddit
I was 39, 41 and 43 when our three were born.
Altruistic_End_6003@reddit
Had my first at 36 and second at 41. My 15 year old complains about having old parents (I’m 56, hubby 61) but we are healthy and active so I just tell him we’re not old. Plus financially we are doing well and no way I’d be in the same boat if I’d had kids earlier in life.
schmearcampain@reddit
What does he want you guys to do that makes him think you’re too “old”? Carry him around? Throw him in the air like a toddler!?!? 😂
Dry_Ad7529@reddit
Yup. 52 with a 13 year old
SilverAgeSurfer@reddit
We built the house from the roof down 😂:
Had a baby at 25
Got married 30 (he was ring bearer and danced at our wedding)
Bought a house when he graduated elementary school
He's married now, I'm getting ready to retire and my Girl is still by my side wanting to be a grandmother 🤘
Glad it happened the way it did.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
This is beautiful
SilverAgeSurfer@reddit
Thanks 👋
enginerdsean@reddit
I am not in this group…..57 and my kids are 27 and 30. Retiring in less than a year now and so glad we had our kids when we did. They are on their own and have been for several years and it really has reduced our stress and exhaustion as we are getting ready to go into our next life chapter. I cannot imagine having teenagers at this stage of my life….i am exhausted enough at it is.
jediHoo@reddit
I was married young and wanted to be a young mom. But my ex cheated on me and I ended up divorced at 28. I didn’t meet my second (current) husband until I was 34. So by the time we dated, got engaged, and decided to “see what happens,” I was pregnant for the first (and only) time at 38 and my husband was 48.
We’re now 54 and 64 with a 15 year old (soon to be 16). I love being a small family of three. And I really love these teenage years. She’s an incredible kid and has great friends and I really enjoy spending time with all of them. I’m going to miss her so much when she goes to college.
Acrobatic-Message840@reddit
53 - had my first at 40 and my second at 42. My mom was an empty nester at 43 😂 Honestly, I love it. Having had them later in life gives me great perspective and to not sweat the small stuff. I also realize I will miss them terribly when they don't live with me anymore. I never thought I would be a parent. It's so much better than I ever imagined. I complain about the annual soccer tourney that happens every mother's day (and an 8 AM game at that) but even then, I would never miss it.
Ecjg2010@reddit
51 with a 15 year old. Idk if this puts me into the starting later category, but most of my friends from high-school who had kids are empty nesters, about to be, or kids in college.
SKinBK@reddit
51 with a 5 1/2 yo. Exhausted constantly, but I had a lot of fun in my 20s and 30s!
GQ-1975@reddit
50 with a 21yo and almost 3yo. Always tired
DulinELA@reddit
I’m 50 with a 9 year old, so yes. Also I teach Middle School so I am a glutton for punishment.
beek7425@reddit
My cousin is 47 and just had a baby. I tried to conceive in my early 40s and it didn’t work. I feel like I missed out and at the same time, I don’t think I would have the stamina to chase after young kids in my late 40s and early 50s. I wish I’d gotten my shit together and had kids in my early 30s. But I do have an amazing step kid so I’m lucky that way.
sravll@reddit
Yes, I'm 46 with a 3 year old.
SpiritoSanto5@reddit
I’m 48 (wife is 31). We just had our 3rd boy this past November. Exhausted? Yes. I spent my 20s and 30s and early 40s establishing my career and traveling. I look back and know for certain that I would have been a terrible father. I did it at the right time and with the right person. With that said, I know it’s going to get harder and harder…
Perfect-District@reddit
50 with a 6 year old eloper....glad Im thin and can keep up. The wife on the other hand ;)
Ghosthost2000@reddit
I was in my early 40s and I thought I had it rough when my youngest went through a couple of years with night terrors and would sleepwalk. I was always worried it would turn into eloping, so there were a few years where I didn’t sleep and it shows. Youngest is now 11 and my oldest is 15. I’m sure I’ll go back to sleepless nights as my oldest advances through the teen years driving and staying out later.
openwheelr@reddit
We're both 53 and ours are 14 and 16. Almost everyone in our kids' circle has parents roughly our age, too. Always tired!
jackssweetheart@reddit
50 with a 20yo. I’m glad I waited.
thisgenXer@reddit
We have a 14 yro. I was 35 my wife 38. When he was born. She has 28 and 30 year old sons. I have a 23 daughter, from our previous marriages.
One_Local5586@reddit
I’m 49 with a 19 and 17 yo. Guy at work is 62 with a 20 something, a 2 yo and a newborn. Fucking hell
HockeymomNJ@reddit
62 with a 2 year old and a newborn?? Now that is brave!
Opening-Squirrel-433@reddit
Admirable-Currency89@reddit
57 with a 16 year old daughter. A fucking joy /s
PBRStreetgang1979@reddit
No kids as I managed to avoid having a wife. After witnessing my own parents' volcanic marriage I figured it would be a lot less trouble to just find a woman I hated and buy her a house.
I'm godfather to my best friend's kids and they're a delight. I've been in their lives since the day they were born. My role is like the extra cool uncle. If it's their parents' job to teach them things like manners, hygiene, right and wrong, and how to generally be good citizens, I see it was my purview to teach them what it feels like to be adored. I can have fun with them but as soon as they get cranky I can bounce and let their parents deal with them. It's kind of an ideal set-up.
Ben_Frank_Lynn@reddit
45 with a 14, 11, and 7
Temporary_Client7585@reddit
Husband is 50 and I’m 54. We have two kids ages 16 and 18. I dealt with severe health issues for years and my husband picked it all up. We also relied on car pools, the thoughtfulness of friends and had their kids over for dinners and sleepovers often. If you don’t have a partner to help, creativity wins.
ScienceWasLove@reddit
Cerebraleffusion@reddit
46 with 10 and 7 year old. Finally have good sleep again but somehow also always tired!
Someguysomewherelse@reddit
Preach! Only one 10yo though
LeftyGimpclaw@reddit
56 with a 9 y/o. Does anyone understand fourth grade math???
Broad-Menu8048@reddit
Absolutely not..we all cried at the kitchen table that year 🤣
MishmoshMishmosh@reddit
No!!!! Try Algebra with imaginary numbers? 🤣 helped my high schooler for hours meanwhile I’m googling it all
ShookMyHeadAndSmiled@reddit
University of YouTube. There are many tutorials to help you understand it. Good luck!
THE-DOODLE_BUg@reddit
I’m 50 and my daughter is 17. I feel you on the buses, but for me, it is the fact that all the other parents are much younger than me. I feel disconnected and I am often left trying to figure out what’s going on.
shuanm@reddit
I didn't get married until I was 32. Had my first child at 37. When my baby was born, I was 41. I'm 52 now, and teens exhaust me. I can barely communicate with them. I don't think we speak the same language. I should have had children much earlier, but they would probably have starved to death. I don't think they can live on beer, pretzels, and 2 day old pizza.
Shot_Construction455@reddit
I'm 52. Husband is 60. Kiddo is 16. We are incredibly tired. However, she benefited from having a comfortable home because of our income and a lot more patience than we would have had if she'd been born even 10 years earlier. We did it the same way you did but we are just so tired.
chris_ut@reddit
49 with a 3 and 4 year old. Im tired boss.
RoosterSauce_123@reddit
50 and my wife is 47 with 13 & 9 year old boys. We’re not the oldest parents around the older one’s crowd but we are with the youngest.
PalatialNutlet@reddit
48 with a 7 and 11 year old
Broad-Menu8048@reddit
54 with a 17 and 15. Exhausting until one can drive lol. Then it’s bittersweet, like wait..what’s happening, free time to myself? I am glad I had them older-I was more mature and patient. My parents were so young too-only 40 when I graduated high school.
Sorry-Government920@reddit
I was 40 & 43 wife was 37 & 40 kids are now 19 and 16 very seldom were we not the oldest parents , thankfully haven't been called grandpa yet.
Difficult-Ad4364@reddit
I have a 14yo. I’m 52. The upside was watching my friends make the parenting mistakes and avoiding some of them.
Over_Detective_3756@reddit
I was 37 & 38. We enjoyed it totally,but I want my house back now
excoriator@reddit
If I’d done that, I’d be too old to enjoy my grandchildren.
Traditional-Two-7358@reddit
64 year old father here. I love my 17yo daughter and 19yo son to pieces. No regrets ever
MyyWifeRocks@reddit
r/oldmandad is calling you 🤣
misanthropoetry@reddit
48 with a 10 and an 11-year-old. Mommy is tired AF.
Fit-Yogurtcloset3023@reddit
51 M have two daughters 4 and 8. Love it! Got all my traveling and partying days in and love just staying home and doing shit with the kiddos!
Particular_Eye_1643@reddit
55 and 50 with a 14 year old. I think she's keeping us younger and more active. Plus, we've had the good fortune of being able to build her 529 along with our nest egg in our highest earning years. Granted, it's all a tradeoff.
hermsrepairs@reddit
65 mom here...had an oopsie at 38. Never was suppose to have kids. Dad is 73 and daughter 28. I think i was on the cusp of forever tired.
halfpint1313@reddit
My twins were born just before my 37th birthday. I had my youngest at 42. Now I am 57, in my IDGAF stage. Retired early, in part, to get some SAHM time while my youngest is in high school and one of the twins is still home while attending college.
EddieRedondo@reddit
52 and my kids are 4 and 7. Some of my high school classmates are literally grandparents, and most of my college friend have kids now in college or headed there shortly.
When I turned 50 I realized how much longer I need to stay healthy and active in order to really enjoy the next couple of decades with them and started really taking my health seriously for the first time ever. Dropped some bad habits and picked up some good ones.
No complaints, really. I got to do a lot of cool fun stuff before kids, and I absolutely love love love pretty much every minute of being a dad. But yeah, I would have had a lot more energy (and a lot fewer random aches and pains) ten or fifteen years ago.
One recent reminder of my age was taking my kid ice skating a month or so ago, my first time on skates in decades. I tried to do a hockey stop and promptly fell smack on my left hip, the bony part, causing the whole hip joint to flare up for a week. Lucky I didn't break it! FWIW I took my kid skating again more recently and can indeed still do a hockey stop.
AccomplishedOnion405@reddit
We are 49 and 50. Kids are 13 & 15. Sports, school, weekend activities, part time jobs for the 15 year old. I can’t wait til one is 16 and can cart herself and her sister around some. We’s tired boss.
Upbeat_Rock3503@reddit
I'm on the tale end of GenX. Had fraternal twins at 33, my wife was 28. They're now 12 (I'm 46) and they are wonderful.
I was a zero/one kid max going into it. Twins were a big surprise, natural, no history in either of our families.
I would not change a thing.
tungdiep@reddit
We wanted our kids out of the house by 50 so we had them at 28 and 30. Now we are 47, and our second is off to college. We don't know what to do with ourselves! We truly enjoyed revolving around their lives!
jeroboamj@reddit
55 dad with girl in junior year Sunday morning choir bus meets and a 15 year old afternoon guitar lesson then cart over to a sleepover. Oh and the 10 year old has a yellow belt karate ceremony this weekend. I think I'm supposed to say it keeps me young.the opposite of that but I love every bit of it
FakenFrugenFrokkels@reddit
49m with an 8 and 3yo! Good times!
zekerthedog@reddit
I’m 45 with a four year old. I’m tired, but I feel good!
starfishcovemini@reddit
I’m 51 with a 21 year old and an 11 year old. I was a helicopter parent with my first and so carefree with my second. I’m much more laid back in my older years, but definitely more tired.
Katjhud@reddit
Same. 51 with a 22 year old and 13 year old. My 13 year old is way more self sufficient. Mama tired.
Born-Nature8394@reddit
Im 57 and my youngest is 28 and my twins are 31. Im so glad I started youngish. I wouldn't have had the energy.
Van1sthand@reddit
I had my first at 36 and my second at 41. I feel so old at school events. I have a chronic illness that showed up when my youngest was in kindergarten. I feel terrible sometimes that she got the old, sick mom but I nearly died and I remind myself that a dead mom would be way worse.
Bug_Calm@reddit
I'm 56 this fall, and my son is 19. My first husband is the reason I didn't have children earlier in life. In retrospect, I'm glad I waited until I met my wonderful current husband.
calmd0wn24@reddit
I'm 56 with a 14 year old freshman and 11 year old sixth grader. Both do comp sports, lots of travel! Busy schedules and husband and I both worked full time until he got to retire at 56 after 37 years this year. What tires me is constant nagging to pick up after themselves, get homework done, get along! Other than that, blessed to have had kids in my 40's. They may cause some grey hairs but also make me more active and staying fit.
Malady1607@reddit
Me, too! My kids aren't into sports, but my freshman constantly wants to go out and do all the things!
Malady1607@reddit
I did! However my silent generation mom was 31! when I was born.
mikeymikeymikey1968@reddit
Hold my beer guys...started at 48. Oh fuck yeah I am tired. My little girl has SO much energy and is in 3 sports, and music.
youdoyou8742@reddit
I’m 48, oldest is 22 and my youngest is 18 and leaving for college this summer. Older one is out on her own. Grateful for the timing, love them to pieces and also excited for my next chapter!
Eureecka@reddit
Had an oops at 39. She’s almost 13 and I am TIRED.
Eazy12345678@reddit
u dont have to have kids. its not a reguirement
No_Bar2541@reddit
Nobody was saying that you do
Kariered@reddit
That's correct. No kids here.
kepenach@reddit
Started at 40
Scarlett_Texas_Girl@reddit
I'll be 50 this year. My oldest will be 29 and my youngest will be 6.
There are pros and cons to kids at both ages. Overall if I could do it over I'd have kids later in life and enjoy my youth kid free. I still feel great physically, I'm just more laid back and settled doen now and I think it makes mea better Mom.
I enjoy my little one so much, I appreciate everything I took for granted when I was young and rushing through my older kids
punktualPorcupine@reddit
I’ll be 50 this year. My kid will be 20. She’s almost ready to leave the nest and won’t likely return.
I’m glad we waited. She’s an awesome kid, but those 20 years put some miles on us and I’m glad we had about 10 years of just us banked up.
We’re getting glimpses of that life again and we’re not so ancient that we can’t enjoy it.
Kapt_Krunch72@reddit
We had our first and only child when I was 26 and she was 22. She wanted to wait 5 years before trying for a second. I told her I would wait until I was 30 because I didn't want to be 50 and still raising kids.
Prestigious-Cap-78@reddit
I never expected to be the age I am, but I am truly blessed.
ryguymcsly@reddit
I did the opposite and I’m so glad I got to spend my 30s with toddlers and kids instead of my 40s. My youngest will be graduating the same year I turn 50.
joeyjoejoeshabbadude@reddit
50 with a 13 year old and an 11 year old. Both my kids are adopted. Yes, we ignored our biology, and then did it twice.
Kangaruex4Ewe@reddit
I’m 49 and my almost 29 year old just moved back in. I’m tired too boss.
Ok-Abbreviations543@reddit
I’m 57 with an 11 year old and a 14 year old. Yes, it is exhausting. For me, it was just how it worked out. There’s wisdom in the saying, “There’s no free lunch.”
My wife and I are financially stable so we can give our kids a great life and I feel like I am a wiser parent with more experience under my belt. With that said, it’s harder for us. I realized a few years ago that I had to up my physical fitness game or I was going to get left behind.
From what I’m reading people are either waiting to have kids or opting out altogether. Makes given the insanity these days.
Beneficial_Ad7587@reddit
I’m in my 50’s with 10 and 12 year olds. Wanted to really enjoy life fully to prevent future resentment. Figured by the time I got to this age, I wouldn’t have anything rather be doing. Seemed sad to be empty nesting by my 40s.
CuriousRide@reddit
I'm 47 and pregnant
morris90024@reddit
Congrats!
AdmanTX@reddit
Happy cake day
pancakeonions@reddit
43 and 47 when i had our boys
I'm exhau too
Mememyselfie@reddit
I’m exhau
sedatehate@reddit
My daughter turns 1 in a couple of days and I turn 48 in 7. Yes, I’m exhausted. My 4am work schedule does not help.
Turbulent-Demand873@reddit
I’m 50 and we are empty nesters. We have grandchildren now and oh my! When we have them I am exhausted! One of my closest friends from childhood has a middle schooler and maybe 4 year old. I can’t imagine. I’m tired just thinking about.
mumtoant@reddit
My youngest graduated two years ago. I'm 54. Exhausted is definitely a word for it. My parents were also a bit older, though. They were 28 and 36 when I was born, and 32 and 40 when my sister was born.
Majik_Sheff@reddit
48 with 16 y/o twins.
I'm very thankful that they are smart and independent because I don't have the mental bandwidth to handle wayward adolescents.
la_winky@reddit
Late 50s. My kiddo is 20.
Knowitsome3000@reddit
Me! I knew I wasn't ready in my twenties, but always wanted kids. Happened for me late 30s, and I'm so happy about it. It's not for everybody, but for me, it worked out pretty perfectly.
Step_away_tomorrow@reddit
My parents said it kept them young.
Knowitsome3000@reddit
I'm a way later in life parent and I agree 100% 🤩
No_Try6017@reddit
Yup. 52 with tween and teen. I’m tired. Haha.
chamrockblarneystone@reddit
Had mine young. Both unplanned. I pulled my shit together and got a job as a teacher. Im retired now and they’re in their late 20’s. Thank God I have no self control and my wife’s a sucker.
RikkiLostMyNumber@reddit
Four kids. Youngest graduates HS next month. I'm mid-50s and I've been at this since I was 34. I'm tired, boss.
Breklin76@reddit
Inherited a stepson at 36. At 38 his brother was born. I just turned 50. Dad to a 19 yr old and an 11 yr old. My eldest lives on his own and works while he finishes a cyber security program online. 11 yr old is an honor student who rocks at math and science.
I don’t know that I would have been near ready to be a dad before it happened. There was no feeling of being ready, just a willingness to give it my best go when I became one.
jdub67a@reddit
Yup. Had our first when I was 33 and was 54 when our youngest graduated High School. 59 now.
I sure wasn't as exhausted at 54 as I am now. I think part of it is just the times we are living in. Everything seems like bad news.
Zadyria_Gelm@reddit
I wish we'd had ours younger. I'm 52yo now, had the first at 28yo, youngest at 31yo. My parents were 21yo and 25yo when I was born. I feel like my kids had less of me with energy and vigor - less time tossing a ball, playing in parks, physical energy things - because I was older when I gave birth than Mom was. I worked full time then (she worked from home), I was injured (fractured my L5 vertebrae) when our oldest was 7yo, never quite came back from that. I feel like I can't even come close to comparing to what my parents gave me, all because we waited a few extra years.
Unkindly-bread@reddit
Twins at 28 and a singleton ~4 years later.
My twins are 25.4 and my little is almost 21. My wife and I are 53.
I’m super happy w how we did it. We’re tired, but don’t need to deal w the HS bullshit, etc any more. One twin is in medical school, one finished 5 years in the marines, and my little just got her cosmetology license. They’re working on being super successful, and I’m able to focus on my final stretch to retirement.
My brother on the other hand had his first of three kids at like 40. He’ll be a comparatively old man when his youngest graduates high school! I don’t know how he does it!
raincntry@reddit
51 with a soon to be 11 yo. She’s wonderful but I do think our relationship would be different/better if I was younger.
Turbulent-Fold-3235@reddit
Nope, I started at 21 and finished at 27 (3 awesome babies). I had to pause Nursing school because I was so sick with my first.. my parents were mad that I didn't have my degree done (went back when my oldest was 15 to finish my RN) but i wouldn't have it any other way.
FunnyChampionship717@reddit
We had our first when I was 35 and the second at 39. For the first I still had a lot of energy. By the time the second came along I found it was twice as tiring. Now at 53 my oldest is starting college and my youngest is going to high school. So a lot less work now for sure. I feel it was worth it. I wasn't ready in my twenties. Still living it up back then. But some of my friends had kids later and I honestly don't know how they did it.
Extreme-King@reddit
I'm 49 and single father to a 10 year old. Yep.
saltydancemom@reddit
I had my first child right before my 30th birthday and I was ready. College, moved to several cities, married, bought our home and then I was ready to SAH and raise my kids.
PickleChickens@reddit
I had mine at 30 (unplanned) and felt like it was the perfect age. I was still energetic when she was young, and not yet 50 when she started school, so I feel like I (hopefully) have a lot of good years ahead.
blackcurrents78@reddit
First at 37, 2nd at 40. 11yrs in, I’m a decade older than most of the other parents at school, but know a small group of similarly aged ones. We’re not alone. I was nowhere ready in my younger years. Happy to have waited.
soleiles1@reddit
Same. First at 36. second at 40. But I'm tired boss at almost 52.
notabadkid92@reddit
Yes, exactly as I was taught, lol. We are 50 & have a 12 yr old. I am glad I waited because the amount of patience it takes to be a decent parent is tremendous. I wish I could have had my son with a 25 yr old body & a 38 yr old brain.
missmarimck@reddit
I have a 6th grader who plays many, many sports. I also have a high schooler who plays many, many sports. Their schedules couldn't possibly be more disparate... I'm knackered.
I also have an adult child, like fully out of undergrad, adult. I spaced them out; one in my 20s one in my 30s one in my 40s...
ComprehensiveShip720@reddit
55 with a 9 and 11 year old. It’s a grind and very tiring plus primary breadwinner and majority of housecleaning (work remotely). But rather be the old dad with money and more patience vs younger with more energy as I think long term will release two good adults into circulation.
HighSeasArchivist@reddit
No, but these threads always terrify me.
Pinkbeans1@reddit
It should. Parenting, good parenting, is not for the faint of heart.
HighSeasArchivist@reddit
Oh we were lucky. Our daughter is amazing, and I would be terrified that if we had another it'd be an asshole boy like I was (am?).
SeparateCzechs@reddit
I raised two litters. The first was born when I was turning 20. The second and third when I was 32 and 35. I was a better parent to the second litter. Less reactive, calmer, with a Longview.
Sea-Bad1546@reddit
Same
JoeSicko@reddit
Didn't get a wife and have kids until 30. My youngest hits high school next year.
Jeremichi22@reddit
I’m 47 and just had number 4 yesterday. I’m exhausted but my one yr old has neuroblastoma which has made everything 10 times as hard. Plus it is crazy more expensive now to raise a family. Missed the window
Amy_Macadamia@reddit
Congratulations to you!
kelkely@reddit
Congratulations on one hand and my heart is absolutely breaking for you x
Independent-Dark-955@reddit
Graduated from college and married at 22. Bought a house at 23. Had kid 1 at 24. Moved across the country. Kid 2 at 27. As kid 2 was starting first grade, I had kid 3 at 33. Moved back across the country. Had kid 4 at 35. Got divorced. Annulment. Got a dog. Married 5 years later. Moved north. Got another dog. Got another degree. Not so sure I followed a plan. I’ve managed to keep up with all that life has had in store at least.
VR46Rossi420@reddit
You got an annulment after having 4 kids.
Independent-Dark-955@reddit
Yes. Pinkbeans is correct. I’m a Catholic and the process is pretty in depth, requiring witness testimony and other information from the time vows were said. There are several different grounds and mine was based on two of those. I also was not Catholic when I was married the first time and was pressured by my family to marry. It was not a good marriage from the start. My ex is barred from marrying in the church again unless he undergoes counseling and is sober.
Pinkbeans1@reddit
I am making a broad assumption that they’re also catholic. They have a whole process for annulments even if you have kids, that won’t have negative consequences for the kids at church. I’m not saying this well.
We did some research after my husband’s ex wanted an annulment several years after their divorce.
beehibernate@reddit
I’m 50 with a 2 year old and couldn’t be happier! I’m not retiring, but still happy about it.
88secret@reddit
Late 50s with a high schooler. I’m a much better parent than I would have been at a younger age. But he has some neurodivergencies and there are many days where I’m just completely wiped out. On top of that, we hit some financial difficulties when he was in elementary school, so I’ll be working for longer than most of my friends. I’m glad I did a lot of travel in my 20s because I won’t be doing it in retirement.
moneyman74@reddit
Worst nightmare had mine in late 20s.
user0987234@reddit
I did the math beforehand. What age did I want my youngest child to be when I was 50. Also factored in my aging, declining health & career.
Assuming there are no fertility issues, which you don’t want to find out an older age, having kids when you are younger, means you have lowered expectations for a while and have younger age energy. Things happen and having that energy matters.
Substantial-Spare501@reddit
Had the first at age 38, the second at age 40. I was. Always like, I will just be 58 when the younger one goes off to college… and then I realized in the last year that I will turn 59 right before she graduates in the next few weeks. I had them so late because I was chasing my academic dreams.
The high school years are rough if your kid does sports, music, theater, clubs, all of the things. I divorced the kids dad and then he died, so truly single parenting the last several years. And they still need you as they navigate college and young adulthood.
Critical_Seat_1907@reddit
I did both, over two marriages.
I was tired af in my 30's with young kids, and tired af in my 40's with young kids.
Just be rich. If you're not, you'll be tired af. Age is irrelevant.
fjman80@reddit
I had mine early they are all out on their own. I didn’t follow any set plan. I wish I was more financially stable while raising my children. On the other hand I thankful I had them earlier in life so I can enjoy me time when I’m not dirt poor. I had energy to coach teams and then I will be younger to see my grandchildren. Yes it did seem like everything was pushing for a later start to parenting. I’m sure each has its advantages and disadvantages.
Substantial_Door9120@reddit
54 with an autistic 9 year old. I’m exhausted
Deaner_dub@reddit
One tired day, a former colleague said “all I can say is don’t have a kid at 46.”
I didn’t. But I did at 41 and 44.
I’m definitely going to bed before them already. 11 and 14 now. No regrets here.
gvarsity@reddit
Mid 50’s with high school senior and sophomore. IOverextended to say the least.
xrobertcmx@reddit
50 last Sept. Have a 6 year old and an 11, soon to be 12 year old. It isn't easy. My wife hit the panic, I hate everyone with children and who is pregnant, how dare they invite me to a baby shower, button in 2012. Took a minute.
Accurate_Ostrich_240@reddit
I was 29 with my last one. Yes it’s exhausting.
Where I lived (in a city) most people weren’t even marrying until at least their 30’s. When I moved out to a smaller town for a job people were marrying and having kids barely out of high school. It was a really weird contrast.
I’m always one of the older moms in either of my kids friends groups.
chicagoliz@reddit
I wanted to have kids when I was about 30 but it wasn't happening so we adopted my first kid when we were 35, and then had our second when we were 40. We lived in a different area when my first was young (moved when they were in middle school). In that first area, most parents were a tad younger than us, but many were about our age. However, their kids who were in my kid's class were their youngest children, not their oldest.
Then we moved to a different city and area, when my son was in kindergarten. While some of the parents were a little younger than me, many were my age and some were even older than me.
Individual_Note_8756@reddit
I had my first at 35 and my second/last at 37. I wouldn’t do it any differently, especially since I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 31! I felt that we were more patient and had more resources than if we had been younger. They are now 22 & 24 and doing well.
Accurate_Ostrich_240@reddit
I think you’re right about stability and patience. My sister was 25 with her first and 40 with her last. Not for me.
I kind of envy those that have them younger and older sometimes because y’all have that nice window either before your kids are born or after they graduate where you get to travel and have adult experiences without the worries. It always seemed more desirable than 30ish.
gfjoe@reddit
Mid 50’s and have a 12yr old boy. Adopted when he was 18months. Crazy intelligent. So intelligent it has become a challenge for me and the ex. Heart the size of Manhattan. Brain the size of Jupiter. I am his bank, butler, IT and alarm clock basically. I am working on better health for myself so I can see what amazing things he does in life. I would kill for this kid.
SignificantTear7529@reddit
The bad news is that your children really are what keep you going so you can't even have your midlife awakening until you free up some space for a breakdown... Heath crisis, financial crisis, marriage crisis, family crisis, mental health, sexual health breakdown s. You might as well just throw the match and get all that over with so you can put your feet up when the kids are grown
Oh and don't enable them. You have to pretend like adulting is the coolest thing ever so they will try it. . . My 25 year old has been bitching about "kids today" since she was 19.. the most unwittingly brilliant thing I ever did. Raise them to be independent.
Honeybee3674@reddit
I was about average age..I had four kids between ages 29-36.
But I had young parents and grandparents, so I feel old! By the time my kids have kids (assuming they wait until 30s), I will be in my 60s... I want to be a hands on grandparent and helpful, but not sure how that's going to work out.
My mom was 49 when her oldest grandchild was born. But, we have definitely been much more financially secure (although did live frugally and budgeted on one income for awhile as I was a SAHM when they were young).
I am enjoying having young adults/teens still at home, but they can fend for themselves and watch the dog when my husband and I want to get away for a weekend or a week.
Genny415@reddit
Yep, I'm mid-50s, spouse is generation Jones and ours will be finishing high school shortly
There are different advantages to being older parents. We hopefully have better financial stability than in our youth. And maybe we have a bit more patience and wisdom.
With a bit of luck, we will have managed to slay some of our personal demons and thus have less dysfunction to pass on to our kids.
Just because we might get mistaken for their grandparents on occasion, it doesn't make being an older parent all that bad.
Though I am really sad that Robax isn't available over the counter in the US like it it is in Canada. Oh, the aches and pains!
Pinkbeans1@reddit
Apparently the next time I go to Canada I’ll be buying Robax Platinum… if I remember.
Academic_Ad_8229@reddit
Same. Came out of college heavily in debt - both me and my spouse. It took us YEARS to get somewhat on our feet financially. Bought our first house at age 28, had our first child at age 30 and second at age 33. Didn't pay off our student loans and credit card debt until well into our 40's and now we are trying our best to help our oldest with college expenses. We were not able to save for college for our kids, but are trying to help our oldest with day to day expenses to minimize the loan debt. They are also working a part time job (full time in the summer months). We are both in our early 50's now and it just never feels like we are settled financially - something always comes up: furnace needs replacing, cars need fixing, youngest is still in year-round sports that are also expensive.
toaddawet@reddit
The last part of your post stuck out to me. My wife and I have felt like that our entire marriage, we think we’re about to get ahead at last, and then something else comes up. Something breaks, a medical problem happens, or my favorite, I got a significant raise, and then Covid happened and ate the entire thing up. Drives me nuts. As for my parenting, we married when I was 36, had our son when I was 38. He’s 13 and I just turned 50. I definitely notice how much older I am than his friends dad‘s, but at least I look younger than I am. I know I need to shape up and take better care of myself so that I can be here for him in the long run. It is what it is.
jwpilly@reddit
I'm almost 50 with an 8 and 10 year old. I'm so glad I had children later in life. They keep me young.
citispade@reddit
Turning 51 this year with an 18yo and a 13yo - both girls. Was just saying to my wife the other day that I’m exhausted. Couldn’t imagine having a newborn/toddler at this age.
triphawk07@reddit
This is something my wife and I talked when we got married 30 years ago. We figured than having kids later would be overly exhausting, so we had them while in our 20s and glad we did.
Lazy-Conversation-48@reddit
Yup. We wanted to get it done quickly so we could have more of a life later. We figured we were already too broke to do cool things so we might as well double up that by having kids. lol.
I’m 49 and have a 24 and 21 year old. I LOVE being able to hang out with my adult kids at my age. I love that I can pop off on a trip to go scuba diving because I don’t need a sitter and am physically capable of still doing it.
Firm_Accountant2219@reddit
Yeah, we did that, and not by choice - we met at 32 and married at 34. I have often wished we became parents sooner, but I would have made a lousy husband and dad until at least my late 20s. And like I said we didn’t have the opportunity earlier.
CantankerousButtocks@reddit
58 with a 5 and 8yo… community college for them, then robot repair men!! They’ll be fine, we were!
Pinkbeans1@reddit
Damn. I’m 52 with a 16 year old. I’m so glad she can drive herself places now. Stay strong dude.
OrangeMustangGal@reddit
I was 34 and my husband was 40. He has overall been a great kid.
yeti-rex@reddit
Your husband has been a great kid? Like childhood round 2?!
OrangeMustangGal@reddit
That too.
dmatx@reddit
Yep. 51 with a 5 & 8yo. It's very tiring and I'm a bit more delicate than other dads. But I also have more life experience and patience (I think.) But the idea of having kids in high school when I'm in my 60s terrifies me!
ronnie-james-dior@reddit
Right there with you. Doing everything I can to stay fit, but trying to teach a kid to ride a bike in my 50s is no joke!
yassermi@reddit
My oldest is going to be 7. I was 22 when my father was on my age now. I feel wiser and with more resources now, I don't know if that will make up for it. That what I try to convince myself.
cityshade@reddit
I'm 51 and have an 8 and 4 year old. Feeling great. See a lot of peeps looking washed at 40.thonso YMMV.
justus_trail@reddit
I became a dad at 45 and again at 48. Yeah I’m tired but I have a lot more resources for my kids than my parents did.
My cousin lost his dad when he was 3 and his dad was 24. There are no guarantees in life any way. I just love them and do my best (and have good life insurance).
MotherOf4Jedi1Sith@reddit
Had my first at 22, my last at 39. Still raising the last one. He just turned 17. Im tired but also happy, he's the sweetest kid.
MaleficentMousse7473@reddit
I’m 56 and we’re talking about adopting a first child. I’m tired thinking about it
Korvanacor@reddit
You’ll be 74 when they graduate high school. I’m tired just thinking about you thinking about it.
Epicassion@reddit
No, just no for my wife and I. We’d prefer a great grandchild at that age. Granddaughter would be early 20s.
Amythecoffeequeen@reddit
Omg yes. I’m 50 and my kids are teens, one in middle and one in high school and I’m a lawyer. I might just pass away from exhaustion.
Loud-Jellyfish-1920@reddit
I’m 50 and my only child is my 15 year old daughter. When the OB/GYN told me I was “advanced maternal age” since I delivered after I turns 35. All my friends had their kids in our 20’s so my kiddo was way younger than my friends’ kids.
Amythecoffeequeen@reddit
Me too! My brother, who is less than two years older than me, has grandchildren! His oldest is married and his youngest is engaged and I’m over here attending middle school volleyball games and being called “bruh” 😆
huldagd@reddit
Had first at 22, second at 28. I’m thankful now, since my energy after 30 goes down every year plus now elderly parents to care for.
jjschoon@reddit
We made a conscious decision to have all of our kids before we turned 30 so that we could retire early. We had 4 kids at ages 22, 27, 28, and 28 (twins). We are now 53 and will be retiring in 4 years. I can't imagine dealing with babies and toddlers in my late 30s or 40s.
Majestic-Selection22@reddit
My child free 20’s were a blast! Traveling with friends, partying, sleeping late on weekends. Had my son when I was 33. He’s on his own now and we’re getting ready to retire. You can have it all.
JJQuantum@reddit
I’m 57 next month and my youngest son is 16.
ronnie-james-dior@reddit
I'm 57 (m) in three days and I have 11yo son and 7yo daughter. It's challenging to say the least, but it forces me to stay on top of my health and it's never boring.
AnastasiaNo70@reddit
I did finish college, get married, start a career, and then have a kid, but I did all of that so quickly, the kid was here by the time I was 24 and he was 26.
So she’s 31 now. Only child. We’re pretty glad we only had one.
soopirV@reddit
Had my first at 23, last at 30- wife (now ex) and I wanted to be childfree for retirement.
monroebaby@reddit
I had my first at 30 and fourth at 35. I’m 50, single with 4 teen daughters. Well my oldest just turned 20 last week so I guess I only have 3 teens now. I’m fucking exhausted lol
Appropriate-Bid8671@reddit
My 4th was born when my wife and I were 42.
SnooDoubts7575@reddit
I was 29, 32, and 33 when I had my kids. I don't know if that is considered later in life or not. We lived in California when I got pregnant with my first, and all of our friends were in their late 20's/early 30's when they had their first, but then we moved to the south, where everyone got married and had kids straight out of high school. I am 51 now, and my older two kids are away at college, and my youngest is in high school. Having just one child at home is a breeze! I have more energy now than I have had in a long time!
cosp85classic@reddit
I turn 47 next week. Our second child was born last week. Our youngest is 28 months. Tired doesn't begin to explain it.
rockpaperscissors67@reddit
My oldest was born when I was 21 and my youngest when I was 46. I’ve really enjoyed raising kids so it’s worked out well. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything and most of the time, I think the kids keep me young.
SoUpInYa@reddit
Fulltime single dad of a 3m/o at 37 . Luckily he was an easy kid and I earned enough for childcare/preschool since I didnt have family nearby.
Bonus: he didnt care much for sports, which made time management much easier
AZJHawk@reddit
I don’t consider myself to have had kids later in life. I was 35 when my youngest was born and he’s now 15. We don’t have to meet midnight sports buses - my kids’ sports teams end at reasonable times and we don’t do any of that club sports bullshit.
They are physically way less work than they were ten years ago. The only exception is if I try to keep up with them on the ski slope. That’s a fool’s errand at this point in my life.
oxfordclubciggies@reddit
I’m 50 and have a five year old. Youngest of 6. Oldest is early 30’s.
Green_Aide_9329@reddit
Two teen girls and I'm going through perimenopause. Life is a merry-go-round of psycho hormones in our house. The kids are too young to drive, but old enough to have lots of places to be. I practically live in my car some afternoons and evenings.
Woodbutcher1234@reddit
Tell your husband that I wish him well.
MalcolmReady@reddit
I’ll be 50 months before my son turns 12 and even longer before my daughter turns 9. Sometimes I regret not starting earlier to “get my life back” at a younger age and sometimes I regret not doing more when I was young(er). Luckily for me, I’ve learned enough about myself to see that my hindsight isn’t 20/20. Instead, it generally tries to fill me with regret for not optimizing the situation. All I can say for sure is, I’m not a great dad, but I would’ve been a worse one ten years ago.
furbabymom407@reddit
It takes a lot of real insight to make the last statement in your post. Based on that honest self assessment alone, you are probably a better Dad than you think and way better than many others
MalcolmReady@reddit
I appreciate your optimism. I’m not a better Dad than I think, though I am getting better. Unfortunately I do agree that I’m likely better at it than many others. But we live in a world where 70% is a bad grade and .300 is a good batting average so who can say, or judge, with any certainty 🤷♂️
MhojoRisin@reddit
Early 30s felt just about right. Matured a little and got a start in my career, but still had enough energy & agility to coach the sports teams and all of that.
Any earlier and I would’ve been too immature. Later and I probably would have sacrificed some stamina.
Ricochetpinecone@reddit
LOL No. I have full on adult children. And grandkids. I couldn’t keep up if I did, I have cancer. I’m exhausted. I’ve barely managed to work.
Do I miss having young kids? Hell yes. Every day I wish I could go back to when they were kids.
AntaresBounder@reddit
I’m 50; the kids turns 5 soon. The first 2 years were brutal.
algae_man@reddit
49 with a 6yo extravert. I'm tired boss.
karmacorn@reddit
Yup. Daughter at 35, son at 38. There’s a reason why biology wants you to do this when you’re young and stupid.
fromamomof2@reddit
Two teens and realized im way older than the other parents. I have went from tucking them in to vice versa...lol
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Same. Starting during the pandemic I go to bed early whenever possible and just say goodnight to my son on my way. Luckily he’s been an amazing old-soul type of kid. If my parents had left me alone after 7pm I’d have been sneaking out, drinking, stealing their car, eating all the groceries, etc. I’m ashamed to admit it but I required a lot of supervision and accountability.
fromamomof2@reddit
I started working out and am up at 5am so im falling out about 8 every night. Literally my youngest comes in to kiss me goodnight. My oldest is a gamer so whether im up or not I know where to find him 😅
Rare-Confusion-220@reddit
Yup. I waited. Had my son when I was 38yo and my daughter at 41yo. So happy I waited. Now 55yo and they're still trying hard to keep up w me, especially on the ski slopes.
Environmental-Gap380@reddit
My daughter was born when I was 43. We’d tried when we were younger, but turns out my wife had fertility issues. I had figured we wouldn’t have kids, so we’d spoil my nieces instead. My insurance at work started to cover fertility up to $10k. So we decided to give it a shot. It took 4 attempts at IUI.
She’s a great kid, but man you should have your kids in your 20s to early 30s. I have a hard time keeping up with her.
Wrong-Barracuda0U812@reddit
My daughter was born on my 50th birthday, let that sink in
gbuildingallstarz@reddit
Awesome birthday present! 10 days before my 50th for my son.
No_Yogurt9574@reddit
I was 50 when I had my son. I was 44 when I had our daughter. So yeah, right there with you.
FawnLeib0witz@reddit
Wow!
Reader47b@reddit
I had mine between 28-32, after doing all that stuff (college, career start, buying a house). But I guess I never thought of that as "late in life," since my mother had her kids at the same age and was in her mid-40s (not 30s) when I was in high school.
LifeOpEd@reddit
I didn't "wait" per se, but I did not become a mom until just after my 40th. After my son was born, we adopted 3 from foster care, so I turn 50 soon and I have 4 that are ten and under. Also exhausted, but also, I feel like I am a much better parent than I would have been younger. I have a stronger sense of self, and I am much more patient than I was.
Crazy_Suggestion_182@reddit
Had my first 2 before I was 35, then divorced, now repartnered at 50 with a 2 year old.
I love it. Makes me feel young and energetic and I wouldn't change it.
cleg74@reddit
We had our first at 27 and everyone thought we were so young. By 56, all three of my kids will be out of college. I am glad we chose to do it that way. I couldn’t imagine being at the point in my career and having little ones at home. It worked for us, we were broke at first but made it work and will be paying for the last kids college out of pocket.
Bibliophile1998@reddit
Had ours at 28, 30, and 35. Now at age 50, older two are 23 and 20 and we have a high school freshman. I feel my energy quite drained compared to the other two when they were in high school just a few years ago. It is real!
Evening_Helicopter98@reddit
I'll be over 70 before my youngest is through college. Not optimal in some ways, but I'm a much better parent then I would have been 25 years ago, and don't have money stress. And it sure is an incentive to stay in shape!
acoffeefiend@reddit
Had my first at 38, 2nd at 41
Adventurous-Ad9623@reddit
No. I felt really odd in our area with being a parent at 27 and then 30 for our first with many parents being much younger. Then teen pregnancy seemed to fall away (positive to kids addicted to tech?) and now I am 47 with a 16 year old and 20 year old. I'm a Girl Scout leader navigating parents who are close to my age with much youngers.
valsalva_manoeuvre@reddit
Yep, I think I would be exausted too. I'm in my mid-50s and both my adult children are in their mid-20s, living on their own. I would not be able to deal with school, extracurriculars, and miscellaneous adolescent drama at this age.
But I can reassure you that the grind ends eventually, and you do get to have most of your life back.
Calm-Background2247@reddit
I have a 24 year old and a 10 year old. Had the 10 year old at 42.
I’ll be 53 this year.
The 24 year old was a nightmare to raise.
Took her forever to get her head on straight.
She decided to join the military 6 months ago, so she’s somebody else’s problem now.
The 10 year old is a godsend.
He’s enthusiastic, bubbly and affectionate.
Sure, I’m tired, but he keeps me moving and we all need to be doing more of that.
I’m also taking him to conventions, concerts, tennis lessons, etc, so it keeps me from becoming boring.
He’s my little buddy.
TBH, I’ll cry when I drop him off at college.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Love this. As exhausting as it is I dread, and I mean soul crushingly dread, the empty nest phase. My son is an absolute gem and so helpful and gentle and loving to us. He’s going to leave a huge hole in our lives. I was able to play full court basketball with him until he was about 12, the 1:1 half court until he was 14….then I was like hey buddy now that your 6’3 and I’m at the peak age for a heart attack/stroke maybe we should just shoot around lol
kludge6730@reddit
Late 50s sitting on the couch watching Toy Story with my 2 year old twins. No complaints at all.
Alit_Quar@reddit
I have two in college and a senior in HS next year. My eldest already has one degree, so she is self sufficient. The two younger ones are not. But, we are financially stable. I am retired, my wife retires next year. We will both be 52 and 53 at that point with two paid for houses, considerable investments, and a home business to work with as a hobby. Now, if I could just choose who my daughters Date and marry, I’d be set.
Prestigious-Cap-78@reddit
55M here, 6 kids 26, 25, 15, 14, 5, & 3. Sorry I'm so tired I forgot what we were talking about but I'm sure we'll survive.... Right?
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Superman has entered the chat
Prestigious-Cap-78@reddit
Why do I have "The Crash Test Dummies" song Superman in my head? 😆
FrozenConcentrate@reddit
It's all a tradeoff. My daughter has old parents. She also has parents who can afford to give her a good start in life and who are happily married. If I'd had kids with anyone earlier, those other things wouldn't be true, though I'd be a lot less tired than I am now.
Witty-Awareness-8819@reddit
My kids have old parents. Like you, I can't imagine having kids with any of my earlier (way earlier!) relationships. Life would have been much different, and I don't think in a good way! Our kids have a stable household, we can afford to help when needed, and they have the total support of a happy family. I do get tired though!
Angry_GorillaBS@reddit
Not sure what counts as later in life but I had my last 2 in my 40s, and likely to have a couple more in my 50s if I stick around long enough.
I find life to be exhausting for the most part, but very little of that is because of the kids
Traditional_Fan_2655@reddit
I'm grateful I was in my mid 20s when mine was born. He was in his early 20s when his dad was diagnosed with terminal can er and not much older when he died. I can't imagine if he'd been any younger.
Honestly, as tired as I am, I can't imagine if he had actually been a teenager or ifhe was today. Too tired to do that! I admire my grandmother who had two at 43 and 45. She was amazing.
TheShortWhiteGuy@reddit
Am I (57) tired? Yes. Tired of bleeding money? Yes! It's BOMBAD - Bank of Mom Bank of Dad 24/7. Our two youngest are still in college.
I shoulda had chickens. Much more productive and I can kill 'em and eat 'em. The chickens.
vivacycling@reddit
Had mine in my late 40s. Would not change anything. It certainly helps that I'm in great shape so I can handle it.
Miata_GT@reddit
Got ours at 59. He was an 11 and has been the best dog ever (if you ask him).
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Yessss! We have 3 dogs too.
mden1974@reddit
51 with a 14 month old. Ten year old and 13 year old. You have to stay in shape with tight diet and exercise with no drinking and a set sleep schedule or you are toast. Wife doesn’t work so it’s helpful. We also have a nanny to shop and pick them up if I’m at work. I also went to four ten hour days with three off a week and that helped.
JCii@reddit
(Also 51) Creatine helps with mental energy as well as building muscle. If you don't get enough sleep, it's like 2 more hours in powder form with a pleasant metallic taste. ;)
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
On Amazon looking for some right now! I will try anything at this point.
mden1974@reddit
Truniagen and nad + shots helped with the creatine ten grams.
JCii@reddit
Supposedly the first 5g is absorbed by muscle. I take 10g daily. Be advised that you might want to go a week or two at 5g before increasing to 10; creatine, because of its effect on water retention and expulsion, can give you loose stool when you first start taking it.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Noted and thank you!
TobyDaMan8894@reddit
56 here reading three grandkids. 11, 9 & 7. I’m tired. But way more patient.
Wonderful_Pain1776@reddit
Did the same thing while having a family. Empty nesters by 45.
human8060@reddit
Pregnant at 36 with my one and only, I'm now 50. He's such a good kid and was an amazing baby and toddler. Slept like a champ, ate like a champ, liked doing anything and everything. We could not be luckier and he could not be a better kid. He's now a D&D kid, so no early mornings or weekend sports. No traveling across state for meets or games. I am still exhausted. 😂😂
FuggaDucker@reddit
I am in the end stretch of that part of life at 57.
I visit my daughters college on Friday and my son is going into residency.
As worn out as it makes me, I will certainly miss being needed.
ThroatOne5167@reddit
I never thought about it in those terms, but I really feel and agree with that sentiment.
niks4565@reddit
Yep. When I was your age , kids were 13, and 15. Worst thing is going thru menopause with kids Still I think I’d choose that route again Maybe even wait a couple more years lol
NoStyle79@reddit
Ick.. most of my friends gave me crap for having kids in my early 20's but so glad i did, 46 now and been kid free for so long i can hardly remember the hustle.. meanwhile my friends have 10yrs minimum left of raising their kids..
Juanfartez@reddit
Same here. 53 and my youngest is 27.
Slpg719@reddit
56 have a 22yo that’s struggling. Makes me struggle. The struggle is real.
Estef74@reddit
This was our though, getting financially stable before having kids. Only problem was the wife got sick and the whole idea of kids fell apart
SmokedLimburger@reddit
We had our son when I was 40 and daughter when I was 51. I’m very tired and don’t know how to sleep anymore.
whiskeylivewire@reddit
48 with a 4 year old, but he is a great kid who was a miracle baby.
Now the 19 year old who's still living with us with her 10 month old is wearing me the fuck out.
reporterbabe@reddit
I had my son at 30 and daughter at 33. My husband and I bought our house and then got married in our mid-20s and waited until I was established enough in my career before having kids.
My son married last year after buying a house and my daughter has been dating the same guy for almost 7 years.
SlayerOfDougs@reddit
52 with 3 year old. Tired is just a state of mi....
Good_With_Tools@reddit
Did you fall asleep while typing? It happens to the best o...
b_newman@reddit
What’s a midnight sports bus?
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
High school sports teams traveling 2-3 hours away for games/meets/competitions that end around 7-8pm then stopping for dinner for the 50-100 kids somewhere THEN heading back to the school for parents to pick up their kids between 11-midnight. Not sure if this is just a Midwestern US thing but it’s unbelievably common.
Adventurous-Brain-36@reddit
When kids get home from an out of town tournament with their team at like midnight and you have to go and pick them up at a communal stop (often school).
Chris_Golz@reddit
I'm 52, and my son is 15. Those first 3-4 years are so exhausting.
Difficult-Novel-8453@reddit
It’s bad advice
wrldwdeu4ria@reddit
Especially for a Macaw or Cockatoo. They can easily live over 50 years.
thirtyone-charlie@reddit
We had 4 starting when I was 37. We still have a 13 yo at home. I’m tired too and she knows it.
D-Alembert@reddit
I feel like I got a great life unencumbered by kids, so if I'm in for a harder time parenting now, I don't think I'd want to give that up. It also sounds like parenting exhausts you regardless of age. Might as well be exhausted when I'm old than when I could be globetrotting :)
Crzywilly@reddit
Yes, 52 with a 5yr old. Only thing I regret is I find it hard to gather the energy to take her on bike rides or to the park. I keep in shape though, and that helps out a lot.
MementoMoriPendejo@reddit
Similar -- Yes, energy is the issue for sure. Sometimes makes me sad I can't do more.
demona2002@reddit
I had mine at 16 and couldn’t be happier about it. It was hard at the time but they were successfully launched by the time I hit my prime earning years allowing me to save aggressively for a comfortable retirement.
Braincloud@reddit
I started at 23 and had four by 32 and was done. Mid 50s now. I can’t imagine parenting littles. Or tweens or teens for that matter lol. Another reason besides energy that I’m glad I had them early is avoiding that rigidity, or set-in-our-ways mindset that happens to a lot of people as they get older. I don’t think it’s happened to me yet, but I wouldn’t ever want something like that to affect how I parented my kids. I think there’s a lot of value in having a bit more of the flexibility and openness and curiosity of mind that comes with parenting as a younger adult. So overall I’m Very glad to have started and been done with the heavy lifting early. ☺️
bananasoupson@reddit
Same! Had our first at 21! I’m nearly 53 and our youngest is 22. Older two are out and living their lives and I feel such a sense of relief and pride. Our youngest has issues and may be with us until our last day but we don’t have to “raise”him anymore..we have more of a support role now. I am way too impatient and ready for bed too early to have younger kids now.
grateful_john@reddit
Define later in life first. I was 37, my wife 35 when we had our son. I don't know where that rates for you. I obviously wasn't in my 30s when he was in high school.
DrZero18@reddit
I turn 60 this year, my children are 24, 20 and 16. Yes, you get tired and yes I've heard the grandparent comments and there are times I think I should have done as my parents did and started earlier, but I wasn't ready and I know it.
therocketn00b@reddit
I was 44 when my son was born. I don't regret it, because if I'd done it earlier, he would be gone much sooner. Maybe already grown up. I'm in no hurry to lose him.
rookburger@reddit
Me either I could just keep my boys forever
Trauma57@reddit
Same, 51 and my only child will be 6. Love every moment with them but, Damn I am tired.
danceswithsockson@reddit
I look at it from the direction of the kid more than myself. My husband had an elderly father and it really made his life hard. It was stupid things, like he didn’t know how to play sports, because his father didn’t play with him. He couldn’t roughhouse, he couldn’t bond well. I’m sure his father loved him, but he missed out on a lot of what a father is. And then he died when my husband was in his 20s. I wouldn’t do that to a kid if I could help it. He lost his mother in his thirties, too. That’s an early alone time and a lot of responsibility that falls on the kid.
PunkZillah@reddit
Same experience. My parents had me late in life. I used that experience to make sure I did the opposite. I had my kid at 24 and should be around far longer into her adulthood.
danceswithsockson@reddit
Awwww. I’m sorry. I can see how tough it is. ❤️
wild-hectare@reddit
lest we not forget the great Tony Randall (Felix Unger...anyone, anyone, bueller)
he was 77 & 78 when his children were born and he passed away when the kids were 7 & 6
Puzzleheaded_Use_566@reddit
I feel I was right in the middle for having kids. I was 29 and 31 when they were born. Oldest is autistic but working, I’m hoping eventually he’ll be able to support himself. Youngest is in college. They’re great kids and I’m extremely lucky.
makorancheros@reddit
Yeah, don't do that. I didn't want to be chasing kids when they are faster than me.
ClayMitchellCapital@reddit
We had them young. Thank goodness
Alienspacedolphin@reddit
53 and kids now a sophomore and junior in college. Would have been cool if I was younger, but mostly because I wish I had more kids just like them. They’re pretty awesome.
High school wasn’t that rough on us, but probably because we were pretty hands off and made/let them manage most things on their own (for better or worse, but it seems to have turned out ok)
They-Call-Me-Taylor@reddit
I'm 47 and my kids are 4 and 7. I was expecting to be the old man dad, but surprisingly, I don't seem to be a whole lot older than most of the parents I have met in my kids age. People are just having kids later in life these days.
Chemical_Sign5732@reddit
I am a 54yr old single mom to a Jr in highschool.
Had him at 36 and yes, I am tired.😁
froction@reddit
I'm 49, did everything in the order you described, and my kids are 21, 19, and 17.
Am I exhausted? Sure, but mostly because I'm old and fat, my kids are pretty cool.
DarePotential8296@reddit
I’m 49, old, fat and exhausted and my son is 13
stronggirl79@reddit
Had my first kiddo at 40 and the second one at 44. Hitting perimenopause and have young children was something I didn’t really think through lol.
Smorsdoeuvres@reddit
Yup. Was just told by the neighbors kids during a play date today that I “looked like a grandma”. Other child doubled down after their mom explained that wasn’t a nice thing to say and said …“but it’s True”.. 💀💀💀 from the mouths of babes
MishmoshMishmosh@reddit
Yes. I’m 55 and have a freshman in college and a HS junior. I’m tired. Like just pancaked
Whut-The-Mel@reddit
53 with an 11 yo and a 10 year old. It’s not bad at all, IMO. I’m glad I got to have fun and be free in my 20s and 30s. Once they were over 7 or so, things got easier. Our only problem is that all 4 grandparents were alive when I got pregnant with my first; by the time my youngest was 4, all 4 had passed, so we just don’t have much of a support system.
sandsonik@reddit
I never had kids. But my mom had her 3 kids when she was age 19 to 24. That sounds so young now, but I kind of think it's the way to go! She got to have her kids when she was young enough to keep up with them and before she'd really established a life that they'd be jarring. You're just more resilient then and easy going, usually.
And it left her a good number of years to be a (mostly) open nester while still in good health
Miserable_Carry_3949@reddit
We became parents at 39 and 43
MusicalCougar@reddit
Had mine at 35 and 38. I only wish I’d had them further apart, because I feel like I don’t have enough time for them individually.
Seadub8@reddit
I'm turning 55 this year, my wife (42) and I have a 5 year old. It's difficult to keep up now; I worry about the future.
Bis_K@reddit
56 20th a 16 and 17yr old
FlippingPossum@reddit
I knocked mine out at 25 & 27. I was just exhausted earlier. Bit of a mind scrambler to be paying student loans and investing in 529 plans. My husband and I did buy our house first.
caryn1477@reddit
Yeah but I feel like the fatigue I had at 26 was a lot better than the fatigue I would have now at 48! No regrets.
FlippingPossum@reddit
I can't imagine having small children and dealing with perimenopause. No, thank you.
Criseyde2112@reddit
Yep. Didn't get married until I was 32, then ran into fertility problems. Had my son at 40. I had plenty of energy up until about two years ago, at 55.
There's a downside to every situation, so pick your poison.
Comfortable-Help9587@reddit
My brother, 52, has a 2 year old.
Dusty_Sequins@reddit
Had my 2 at 25 and 28 and yes, I probably could have waited a couple more years but I couldn’t imagine trying to keep up with the younger ones at this stage-I’m 50. No grands yet. I honestly don’t know how I’ll keep up with them if/when they arrive. I’m struggling now with insomnia, psoriatic arthritis, carpal tunnel, high blood pressure….im not a healthy person in great physical shape. I’m not overweight, well maybe a few lbs, but physically I just can’t to the things I was able to just 3-4 years ago. So I’m glad mine are from now. But if I do get grands I hope it’s not too much later.
Few-Pineapple-5632@reddit
I had mine at 34 (twins) and then a third kid at 36. My sister had one at 41 and one at 46. She’s younger than me (53) and has a long way to go.
Still we are both exhausted.
findickdufte@reddit
Had mine at 46 and 49. 50 now and happier than ever. Not exhausted.
Appropriate_Ad7858@reddit
Same as well. We had our first at 43 and twins at 45. They are 11 and 8 now and we are having so much fun. I really am going to miss this time when they are older
Kalorama_Master@reddit
Same. She’s actually keeping us young, active, and very in tune with popular culture.
Sacremomstre@reddit
I had my first at 20, second at 34, third at 40. 34 was the perfect age. I was just young enough and just old enough. Wouldn’t recommend having kids in your 40s to most people.
JMFR@reddit
Had my kid at 42. I’m exhausted, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.
gurl_incognito79@reddit
43, samsies!
Admirable-Hour-4890@reddit
I was 41 and you nailed it!
GreenManalishi24@reddit
I had my kids at 38 and 40 (58 now). My parents were early 30's when I was born. They were always older than my friends' parents. I told myself I would have kids at a younger age they the did. But, that's not how life worked out It wasn't too bad keeping up with the kids. But, I definitely would not want to have started any later.
A high school friend had his kids at 46, 48 and 50 (with a much younger wife). Now he's divorced. He'll be paying child support until he's 71.
Dusty_Sequins@reddit
Oof that’s rough
slothboy@reddit
Had my first at 25 and my second at 29. First is married now and second is finishing up college.
Wife and I are going to be in our 50s as grandparents (probably. Based on the timing my oldest has planned currently) and that's perfect.
I'm very glad we didn't wait.
SadieSadieBoBady@reddit
I have a similar experience, and at that time, a few friends had already had children. I wasn’t fully prepared, no, but 25 didn’t feel “young”.
jaime_riri@reddit
Yea, mine are 5 and 6. I’m so tired.
lazygerm@reddit
My ex and I had fertility issues.
We did not have our kids until she was in her early 30s and I was in my mid/late 30s. My oldest is a sophomore in college and my youngest is a junior in high school.
While I appreciate us both having better earnings than when we were first married; I do wish we had them younger just for the physical aspect of child-rearing.
BarbellLawyer@reddit
Had our fourth when wife was 43 and I was 41. I’m going to be 58 this year. Most of our friends are empty nesters now but we enjoy our status (mostly).
Mouse-Direct@reddit
Longterm infertility caused ours. Married in 1992, started trying in 1994. Randomly got pregnant in 2008 after giving up, buying a 2-bedroom cottage and 2 cats and a dog.
It has been an absolute blast. He is a great kid. Graduates in May, off to fool school this fall. We are celebrating his scholarships and the end of his childhood by traveling to Paris in May. I cannot overstate how much joy he’s brought us.
Absotivly_Posolutly@reddit
You made my heart smile, stranger! I’m incredibly happy for you both!
Mouse-Direct@reddit
Thank you so much!
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
I love this
believe_in_dog@reddit
We are 50 with a ten year old. Definitely would’ve had more energy 10 years earlier in life, but we definitely weren’t emotionally ready. I don’t regret editing, but one thing that is hard is that my son’s only grandparents are 80.
zhabesha@reddit
Had my kids mid 40s. 10 years later ngl it’s not been easy but I’m glad I waited and got all of it out of my system so I can be an engaged dad
Slouchy87@reddit
Same here. 53 with 8 and 6 yr old boys. Would have been a complete disaster had I become a Dad in my 20's or even 30s for that matter. Luckily I got clean and sober age 35, which allowed me to have the life I have now.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
This weighs on me a lot. We had a huge extended family but they are dying off fast and the younger generation scattered all over the country. I feel guilty knowing they will pretty much be on their own for most of their adulthood when we are gone.
_Losing_Generation_@reddit
Had mine at 40. Im 57 now and he's in high school. I really loved the up through about 12-13 age when he was active in sports. The games on Saturday's then during the week later on. I even liked taking him to practice and hanging out. In a way it reminded me of when I was a kid and I got to relive it, this time with my son. But I'm also kind of glad it's over now since I'm older and not sure I'd like all of the running around as much. Although I'm recently retired and have been recharging my batteries, so maybe it wouldn't be a big deal.
Unfortunately it didn't work out with his mom, so his college education is something he'll have to take care of on his own. We'll help for sure, but there is no college fund.
kcGirl_of_the_year@reddit
Had my daughter at 39, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I had a great career, but was able to retire and be a SAHM. It can be exhausting because I do so much with her and for her, but she’ll be off to college in seven years so I just try to enjoy it.
mltrout715@reddit
I am 56. Youngest just started college this year. That is about as far as I would stretch it. My wife wanted to have one more, but it was a no from me
destiny_kane48@reddit
I had my son (one and done) at age 40. 😬
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
I was 32
Ordinary_Sail_414@reddit
I had mine at 38 and wouldn't change a thing. We got to do so much as a family because we had been in our careers a long time and could afford to. Also got to do a lot of traveling, etc before he was born. I think it kept me young in a way?
shitty_advice_BDD@reddit
Felt like I hit the sweet spot 25 for the first 30 for the last just over 50 and everyone is moved out for the most part.
renovickie@reddit
I feel this way too! Had mine at 27 and 30 and I’m 52. The younger one still lives with me but I call her my roommate. Having adult kids rocks.
YukonSunset@reddit
I chose a childfree-by-choice life. Always knew it. Now in my early 50s and never saw the last of my "good" child-bearing years to be any sort of make-up time to have children. I was just never wired that way.
MusicalMerlin1973@reddit
We had ours in our 30s. We had one last oh snap in our mid 40s. Ended up lights were on but no one was home. We were both devastated. But I’d have a kid in elementary right now in my 50s with 18 and 21 year old siblings if it had been viable.
I was exhausted in my 30s and 40s. Now it’s just concern that they launch successfully into adulthood. One has their head on straight. The he other is still figuring it out.
merlyndavis@reddit
We had our daughter when I was 40. The first few months were rough with sleep deprivation, but overall it’s worked out well.
Except for being the oldest parents in the room.
Witty-Atmosphere-211@reddit
I had mine at 24 and 27. We thought about having another when I hit 40, but didn’t. I’m so glad we didn’t as I ended up being diagnosed with MS four years later.
OneLonelyBeastieI-B@reddit
I was the dummy who had kids from age 18 until I was 43. Ask me how old I feel 😂
Environmental-Car481@reddit
50 here. No travel teams but man was I glad when winter sports were over. High schooler swam so practices or meets 6 days a week. Trying to get him to optional am practices were mostly a fail but that meant I was up an hour earlier than necessary. Middle schooler played basketball for the church league. Fortunately this year there was only 1 or 2 games that were a 50 minute drive. He also decided he wanted to join the middle school wrestling team so he could hang out with friends. I was not upset that his basketball team lost in a playoff. Also as much as I wanted my high schooler to swim at states, I was glad that I wasn’t across the state that weekend. It gets a little rough with the extra running.
Environmental-Car481@reddit
Now we are onto track for the MSer and rowing for the HSer. 5am practices started this morning. Saturdays you will find me at a regatta.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Those 6am before school basketball practices in middle school made me want to punch that coach so bad but the boys did great!
_fidel_castro_@reddit
Almost 50 with a baby less than one year old and other three kids between kindergarten and high school, and divorced. Yeah I'm exhausted but at the same time extremely happy and thankful. If i were just rational I'd think it's all crazy and too much and everything's chaotic and dirty, and the money quite tight, but i don't see the things just rationally and logical anymore. Everything must go through a perspective of love and service. Btw love you brother
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Love and service filter ❤️ thank you for the perspective
niff007@reddit
Yep. Had ours when I was 40. 53 now and kid is 12. Im exhausted but I never had a mid life crisis or feel like I missed out on anything. I did a lot when I was younger. No regerts
Educational_Bid_5315@reddit
Had my son at 42. I’m 50, husband is 54 and we have one energetic 7 year old who is still needy at bedtime. I’m in perimenopause but I’ve been tired since I was pregnant so I’m not sure there’s much difference 😂
tungtingshrimp@reddit
Also had my son at 42. Currently 57. It was the right decision for me. Had my career, traveled the world and then started the next phase of my life. Traveling while I was young and energetic and having a kid when I had plenty of money (and still energetic). My only regret is I wasn’t able to have a second one.
Makeup_life72@reddit
We had got married at 21 and 23, in 1994 and had a kid in 1995. We had a rough go of it but never where we went without food shelter or had anything cut off. It took a minute before we could get dependable cars but we made out. I’m glad we did all that then because now, I wouldn’t have the energy for it. I couldn’t even imagine having a preteen right now.
Ray_The_Engineer@reddit
I was 32 when our first was born, 35 for the second. I wouldn't change it, we had more resources to focus on parenthood, were able to keep my wife at home with them for many years when they were little. Staying fit and lean in the hope that perhaps ONE of them will give us some grandkids some day. I'm not holding my breath, nor do I pressure them for it.
Ferrally_Polite@reddit
I am 50 and my children are now 32, 30 and 24, and I am loving it. Besides struggling financially until I was in my early 20’s, I wouldn’t change a thing. I was/am energetic enough to keep up with them, understand their generation bc we aren’t so far apart that their experience is foreign; I don’t regret it at all, especially now with the traveling we do together, etc.
I do wish I had more $ when my first two were born but we never went without and I just had to double down on savings once I was able to.
I have a colleague who had triplets at 41- I could never imagine that. I’d be soooo tired and feel so old by time they’re in their 20s.
jrobski96@reddit
The youngest is knocking on the door to 30. I wish they would have turned it around like we did, I'd have grandkids while still able to do stuff.
I have the grandparent version of baby fever. Lol
Responsible-Bet8661@reddit
Why not have it both ways, I was 29/32/50 as a dad. I’ve experienced low $ + high energy + 0 experience, a little more $ + a little less energy + some experience, to comfortable $ + a little less energy + lots of experience. The energy is stable because I started working out 2 years before our toddler in anticipation of this- so I’m actually in better shape now than in my 30s.
Aggressive_Jury_2667@reddit
Doesn’t work if your already in shape
Responsible-Bet8661@reddit
Get out of shape for a while then maybe idk? 😂
linniex@reddit
I see this all the time with dudes that work at my (tech) company. Several are on their second wives and are 50+ with toddlers.
Rad1PhysCa3@reddit
After career and fertility issues, I was 40 when I had my son. I don’t look or act my age, honestly, so it hasn’t been an issue. I also work an exhausting job (that I love), which doesn’t help, but this same job was even more exhausting in my 20s and 30s. Much longer hours. Did a lot of partying, traveling, and fun before I had him. I’m financially comfortable and more patient than I was prior, so I’d say overall that it was a good call for us. My one regret, however, is now learning that I have a medical condition that will likely lead to severe deficits by 65 and death by 75. So my son will only be in his 20s when he essentially loses me, which breaks my heart.
Mouse-Direct@reddit
My mom had me at 33 and died of a stroke at 58. It was devastating, but it kept me from becoming a smoker and made me an even more conscientious mother.
largos7289@reddit
Good god no. I did it when your suppose to, young and dumb LOL. I know a person that got pregnant at 51 on purpose IVF. I Could not imagine or deal with a baby at 50 that wasn't my grand kid that i knew was going home. It's alot of work and i like my sleep. Unless i could pay a live in nanny no freak'n way. I give ya props for doing it.
H-is-for-Hopeless@reddit
That was the original plan. Wife kept putting it off and eventually I told her it was too late for that now. I'm too close to retirement and she ran out the clock. No family now.
stuffmikesees@reddit
I did it twice, both when I was younger and now that I'm a little older. I'm 47 and have two kids under five. I also have a 20-year-old from a previous marriage. They're all great.
My perspective on this is that you're not exhausted because you're an older dad, you're just exhausted because you're a dad. My 20-year-old was exhausting when she was 4 and I was 31. My 4-year-old is exhausting now when I'm 47.
Kids are just exhausting, but they get less exhausting as they get older. You got this!
tgilland65@reddit
It’s funny because my mom was 23 when she had me in 1965, when most people were having kids at 18-20. I felt like my mom was “the old mom” and I said I was going to have my kids young.
I had my son at 30 in 1995. And that was old then. Now that’s not unusual at all.
Mouse-Direct@reddit
My was 33 in 1970! She looked my friends’ moms’ mother! (She had a bouffant.) She got the last laugh, though, because I was 38 when mine was born.
Absotivly_Posolutly@reddit
This has been a situational argument inside my head for nearly 4 decades… Kids early vs Kids late, which is better?
I had an unplanned child at age 18. I ultimately married (not to baby momma) at age 21 to a woman with two children of her own.
Together, we raised all three children as one family.
Things were hard. Money was scarce. Especially early on. I didn’t graduate college like I planned as I was working 3rd shift in a brick plant to make ends meet.
But we made it.
My babies are all grown now. 34, 35 and 39 years old. They all own their own home. They all have college degrees. They all have wonderful careers. And they all blessed me with beautiful grandchildren.
I’m the luckiest man alive.
I sure don’t envy your position. I’ve done so much with my children as they grew up I wouldn’t be able to do today at 53. On the flip side, I feel like I could have offered them more growing up. On the flip, flip side, I think growing up the way they did made them who they are. And I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
The good news is you have yours NOW, and that’s all that matters. Get out there and enjoy those children every day, because one of these days, you’re gonna miss the hustle and bustle, and they’re not gonna need you so much anymore.
SuzQP@reddit
There is nothing more valuable than the experience of growing up seeing your parents striving. Be proud of what you have accomplished and, especially, that your fantastic kids are fantastic (at least in part) because of your example. You did it! Now go live it up while you still can! 😊
Absotivly_Posolutly@reddit
Thank you for that! Believe me I do!
I’ve got about 9 more years of work left in me. Eyes are solidly on retirement! We built our dream retirement home about 6 years ago and are already living in it! We get those grandbabies when we can and enjoy every minute of it!
ItsLikeARewardAZ@reddit
50 with 7 yr old twins full time by myself. 🤪
Hippie-chick-4ever@reddit
Pat on the back, friend! It’s never easy doing it alone. You’ve got this!
EmotionalVegetable48@reddit
I got a 6yo. And 9, 13, 15, 19. I exercise, eat well, and don’t party. Only way to make it work
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Yessss! I have been dead sober and dropped all vices before starting a family…except caffeine. Can’t get enough caffeine and nutrients these days haha!
Conundrum_Brain@reddit
I did it both ways. I had my son at 23 and my daughter at 42. There are pros and cons both ways. I have 2 only children, lol!
skateboardnaked@reddit
I did the reverse version. Partied the entire 90's, Kid, which prompted to find a career, then house.
ThreadParticipant@reddit
Oh sheesh, here I am at 51 with 2 kids under 10… My wife is about 10 yrs younger. I’ve always been a bit of a late bloomer in everything, but truly happy where I am.
I-used2B-a-Valkyrie@reddit
Yes. 50, chasing around a kindergartener. I’m tired all the time. The spirit is willing but the flesh is olllllllld lol.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
My best friend and the most strikingly beautiful woman I know was engaged in college and walked in on her fiancé cheating just before the wedding so she swore off marriage for 30 years. A couple years ago she met and married for the first time in her late 40s and just had her first baby. I am so excited for them but also terrified because I can’t imagine what it will be like for them doing all this at 65. Eek. The upside is they can definitely afford to hire help.
Meekanado@reddit
I became a mom at 34 and am really glad I waited. For a good solid partner and financial stability. My Mom was 28 and my Dad was 30 when they started having us so they led by example.
Interestingly, my husband’s parents also waited to have kids until after college and steady jobs.
I was really immature and unstable in my twenties into my early thirties and it took me that long to become a full-fledged adult. ADHD didn’t help. My husband wasn’t ready either and our meeting was good timing. Doing this any other way would have been disastrous. Other people mature more quickly and would be ready sooner.
North_Artichoke_6721@reddit
I got married at 32 and had my son at 34. It was a rough pregnancy and he had some health issues as a baby, so I didn’t get a good nights sleep for years and years. I sort of stumbled wearily through the first ten years or so in an exhausted haze. I don’t remember much from those years.
Radiant-Target5758@reddit
I was 34 and 37. It was exhausting but I assumed it was just exhausting. Not that it was exhausting because of my age.
SwivelTop@reddit
Yup, waited until 35 to start a family, my last birth was twins at 44, huzzah! While I am probably more tired than the younger parents I am sooooo much more patient than I was in my 20s. For me it was the right choice.
WillBrink@reddit
I assumed the advice that if you're going to have kids, have them young enough where you can actually keep up with it all, and still have a life once they go out on their own, made sense. Never had any, can't fathom dealing with kids passed say 35. Having kids when you basically are a kid has it's downsides no doubt (mostly for the kids!) but humanity seemed to survive doing it that way for most of history.
TemperReformanda@reddit
A lot of the people I know doing well are those that married young, had kids young, and now are empty nesters in their mid 40s with kids supporting themselves.
Not me lol. We started having kids about 30. This wasn't entirely by choice due to medical complications and I am totally thrilled at our 4 kids but yes it can be tiring.
But it's tiring even when young.
Electronic_Fix_9060@reddit
I agree with that. My peers that got married and had their kids in their early twenties are now empty nesters with their mortgage paid off. I didn’t become a parent with a mortgage until I was forty so I feel like I’m only just beginning lol. My youngest is 8 and my mortgage repayments are still a couple of decades to go.
Active_Unit_9498@reddit
There's probably no one answer for all, but I lean #teamhaveemyoung for sure. I am 50, my kids are out of the house, I can do whatever I want. I definitely would not want to be chasing toddlers around the park now.
SuzQP@reddit
I'm on your team. My youngest graduated college when I was 53. Since then, we've been able to refocus on our marriage, travel, share new hobbies, and enjoy the perks of the empty nest. I have a couple of friends in their 50s with teens at home and I do not envy them at all. I get to do what I want whenever I want while they are still living on someone else's schedule.
Active_Unit_9498@reddit
I'm happy for you my friend.
SuzQP@reddit
Same back at you!
Truly, though, I'm happy for everyone who feels satisfied and content with the way it all worked out. There's more than one way to bring up a happy family. 😊
AddendumParticular25@reddit
First kid at 41, after trying for a while. Don’t regret waiting. I was a fuckup in my 20s but had a stable, solid career by 40.
The only issue I have now with it — which is a me thing — is dealing with school parents who are at least 10 years younger than I am. I just don’t have the energy or interest for the small talk at games or school events anymore.
DilbertDilbert1011@reddit (OP)
Same. I thought I finally met other gray haired parents to sit with quietly during basketball season this year, but when I asked which kid was theirs on the court they pointed to their GRANDSON and his beautiful model looking mom nearby. I feel like an old grouchy troll around these young, bubbly parents!
Ok_Pitch5865@reddit
Well, I started really early (19), and now I feel like so many opportunities to explore who I am while I was young were abandoned. Love my four kids, wouldn’t give them back, but just saying the grass isn’t always greener.
LayerNo3634@reddit
We were opposite. Had our kids young. It was crazy, hectic, and lean budgets, but we love being empty nesters. Kids support themselves and still come over to visit.
Working all day, kids functions all evening, a late pick up, and early to work next morning hits hard at any age. Currently pulling all nighters with a newborn so daughter can rest following a difficult pregnancy and delivery. I'm much more chill than I was with my babies.
ChantilyAce@reddit
53 with a 15 year old. Had her at nearly 38 years old due to circumstances beyond my control. I wouldn't encourage women to wait that long, but we did alright. I'm tired now but she's fairly self-sufficient for the most part. Just need to get her driving.
limi2018@reddit
Same boat here. 52 with a 14 year old. I’m both looking forward to and dreading the driving. I’m tired of being a chauffeur.
I do wish I had been 10 years younger when I had her but life had other plans.
ChantilyAce@reddit
Yep, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry, as the saying goes. Still, no regrets!
tomnevers99@reddit
I’m glass half full on this. I’m 50 with a 13 year old (and a 19 year old). With the younger kiddo keeping us on our toes and active. I tell myself I’m practicing “use it or lose it” by being more active than I probably would be without him.
Sea-Bill78@reddit
I keep telling my kids to follow the nature not the society. Find the right person, marry early, have kids early, love each other, work hard and live a happy life. I did everything late in life and I am exhausted.
someguythatiknow@reddit
I was 34. Same age as my dad when I was born (I’m the baby). It was motivation to keep myself moving and active. It was the right call for us for sure.
Bartlaus@reddit
I was between 35 and 45 when we had ours. Four of them. Now 8, 12, 14, and 17. My wife is only two years younger than me. It's actually going pretty okay.
MamaMayhem74@reddit
My brother started having kids at 39, and he told me more than once how exhausting it was trying to keep up with young kids at that stage of life. But his kids, now 18 and 16, have lacked for nothing.
One of my best friends focused on her career first and became very successful, then adopted a child at 40. Her child has had every opportunity and hasn’t lacked for anything. She’s 52 now, retired, and planning her child’s 12th birthday party.
I did it differently. I had my daughter when I was 22, then worked on my education and career afterward. The downside was that she grew up around kids whose parents had more established careers and higher incomes, so she sometimes felt left out of things we couldn’t afford. That said, I did manage to buy her a horse when she was 12.
I’m glad I had her when I had more energy. I’m 51 now and my daughter is 29. In my 40s I was dealing with colon cancer, and then breast cancer last year. I can’t imagine going through that while raising a child in elementary or junior high. That would have been overwhelming. And I think it’s been easier for her to see me go through health issues as an adult than it would have been as a child.
Either way has its pros and cons. Having kids earlier usually means more energy but less financial stability. Having them later is often the reverse.
In my own experience, I have noticed a pattern. Friends who waited to have children often had more time to get financially established in their 20s, invest earlier, and build assets over time. Across my circle, the ones who had kids later tend to have more financial stability and investments. It doesn’t make one choice right or wrong, but it does shape how things play out long term.
303FPSguy@reddit
I love being north of 50 with my 12 yo and twin 9yo kids.
No way I had the patience or attention span for kids in my 20s. So glad I partied my ass off until my mid 30s.
caryn1477@reddit
I feel the opposite! I'm happy for you but at 48 years old I have much less patience than I did back then. Hell, I have no patience for most adults nowadays 😆
303FPSguy@reddit
So true!
I definitely have less patience for adults. But my kids make my heart melt every time I look at them. I’m extremely grateful that I got an opportunity to be a parent and I give them my all.
xxDailyGrindxx@reddit
56M, our youngest is in his 2nd year of college. It feels like we nailed the timing since we established our careers, bought a house, and had plenty of "us" time before hatching kids.
Having said that, after the kids were born, I was somewhat counting down the days to when they'd be more independent and we'd regain some of our time.
imzadi111@reddit
Fifty-five with a 12 and 15 year old. I feel okay. My aging mom is harder than my teens. I am constantly running between her and my kids.
Coderado@reddit
My oldest is 26, my youngest is 3 and I have two teens as well. It definitely hurts more and lack of sleep was way worse than I remember. But I have more money, I work remotely and my partner takes care of the toddler during the day. I also have more patience, am more mature in my thinking. There are a lot of benefits to doing it later and you might be a better parent
Slight-Bowl4240@reddit
48 with 9 and 4 yo. I feel great. I love kids and playing and stuff.
Boo-Boo97@reddit
I'm mid 40s and childless. I've been asked if I still want kids and my answer is yes, but I'd foster or potentially adopt older kids. I don't want to be sending a kid to college as I'm hoping to retire.
EstimateAgitated224@reddit
I don't think there is a perfect choice. I was in 28 and 31 when I had mine. So college was done but my career was still a work in progress. We struggled a lot when they were young, but they still got to do all of the things. Now one is graduated college BA and one an AA off to a 4 year in the fall. I can barely make it through work on most days I cannot imagine having baseball for two every night. UGH. Just the thought makes me want a nap. But on the other hand it probably keeps you young.
kittyshakedown@reddit
51 with two teenagers at home. I’m a ways away from an empty nest. I think they keep us young. But I’m definitely the oldest mom in the 6th grade. Some moms are in their 30s!! lol I’m always doing the math. What was I doing at 37???? They were born in the 90s!!!
I do feel like I’m more low key about a lot of things. Very go with the flow at my age. I keep my cool with my kids and they are rule followers. Or I’m lackadaisical about it all.
We just couldn’t settle down for awhile after getting married. We were dinks and having so much fun. Worth it!
More_Bluejay9938@reddit
46 and both are out of the house now. Relieved but wouldn’t recommend anyone having kids that young.
Criticallyoptimistic@reddit
I'm a 57m with three teens at home still. My wife is 43.
Objective-Lab5179@reddit
Had twins at age 42. They're entering high school now. They'll graduate when I turn 60. Yeah, I'm exhausted.
metalheaddad@reddit
50 here. Wife is 49. Our kids are 10 and 12. Son is in travel soccer, skiing and mountain biking plus he does precision rifle for hunting season. He also volunteers. Daughter does art classes, music lessons and podcasting classes.
Somewhere in all of that my wife and I are supposed to find time for each other and ourselves 😂
But my parents didn't do jack or sh!t with me so I'm keeping positive that it's all memory dividends paying forward and our time will come again.
Nervous-Rooster7760@reddit
I had youngest at 33 and did that intentionally so I was early 50s when he went off to school. I am so happy I did. While I enjoy it when he is home on breaks I absolutely love the empty nest life. No sports at night or weekends is amazing. So much extra time to enjoy life and whatever new adventures you want. I also travel for work so no longer have to worry about kid coverage is awesome. I’d hate to be my current age with school age kids. Especially elementary level. That is a long road still ahead.
lgoodat@reddit
Both turning 54 this year - he came with 3 kids that are turning 22, 20 and 18 this year, and we're legal guardians to a 9 and 11 yo. It's a lot. We're definitely the oldest parents at all the things.
overeducatedhick@reddit
I couldn't even find a date until I was almost 29, so I was 43 when we had our youngest child. I certainly don't have the energy that his friends' parents have.
I have often observed that the boundless energy we had in our teens and twenties to party all night and still show up to school/work on time and ready to go in the morning was biologically intended to enable us to do parent stuff for kids at that age, not to party.
We are paying the piper, now.
DirtyBoots_1990@reddit
I had kids in my 20s-early 30s, but I took my nephews and started raising them. One of them was much younger and we took him in when we were 46z
Now I do elementary school drop off and other parenting things in my 50s.
I definitely had less money but more energy to parent in my 20-30s.
Powerful-Union-7962@reddit
Yep, M55 with M14 and F11 here.
It’s all good, helps to be healthy and financially secure.
Fight_Tyrnny@reddit
I had mine at 27 and 29.
the thing I learn about being a parent that I hate to say is that there is a reason why people biologically can have kids from 15 years old and on, its because they younger you do, the easier it is to deal with. Society today mess's with this and I know people who had kids at 40 and man, they aint likeing life.
believe_in_dog@reddit
I had my kid at 40 and am glad I waited.
AddendumParticular25@reddit
Me too. Absolutely.
Cute_Professional703@reddit
Same!
Feralest_Baby@reddit
I know I would not have been a good parent in my 20s. Your mileage may vary, but I had some growing up to do. As tired as I am with a kids ranging from toddler to middle school in my late 40s, I'm glad I waited.
emover1@reddit
49 with a 2 , 4 & 9 year old.
Yup, I’m exhausted .
But i wouldn’t trade it for anything.
family is the best I couldn’t imagine anything else.
thedarkforest_theory@reddit
50 with two middle school boys. We were old and in a hurry. They are my current motivation to stay fit and healthy. I’m coming to terms that I may never meet my potential future grandchildren.
TripMaster478@reddit
Same. I'm not expecting I'll make it to a wedding of any of the chaos trio. Their graduations would be cool though.
No-Elk-6200@reddit
Well, there was no other way you could have done it I guess. You got the advice.
TripMaster478@reddit
Ours was because of fertility issues not a plan per se, but yeh, had a single at 43 then twins at 46. Some days I revel heading into the office for peace and quiet.
SouthOrlandoFather@reddit
52 and 51 and 2 boys 16 and 14.
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
Yep, same. Married at 31, first right after and 2nd at 36. My husband was older, in his 40’s with our 2nd. And yeah, I’m tired too lol
Available_Wolf1059@reddit
We started early but continued. Oldest is 33, middle 24 youngest 16. 3 kids all spaced out. Oldest grown and gone, middle daughter in grad school and youngest in high school. Wife wanted to have one more when our youngest turned 8 but we decided we were wore out.
Trolkarlen@reddit
No kids, just cats. They are plenty to keep me busy.
Inessence4@reddit
Amen sista!
Affectionate_Bid5042@reddit
No, I was way too young! But thank God because I now take care of my two grandkids (turning 2 and 4 soon) and I realize I couldn't have done it any other way. I'm so beyond worn out by the end of the day.
Major props to all of you still in the weeds with littles! But when I'm feeling too old and wondering why I'm so tired, I remind my self that at 52, I'm nearly as old as my grandma was when she became great-grandma. My daughter-in-law had her first baby at the age my mother was when she became a grandmother! It's pretty wild to think about in that perspective.
Last_Inevitable8311@reddit
Had my one and only at 40. 52 now and she’s 12. Things have calmed down a lot now that she’s pretty self-sufficient. The early days were EXHAUSTING. Glad I went through with it though. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
Coffeeyespleeez@reddit
My bf from high school did just that -- she had her first kid at 44. She really struggled early on to get the new routine going. She finally stopped work when the school run began. Now...... she started her own business and works from home and tries (!!!) to get the offspring to help with said business.
elwood0341@reddit
It wasn’t easy, but I’m glad I didn’t wait to have kids. I can’t imagine having to through all that at my age now. Someone gave you bad advice.
Working_Farmer9723@reddit
I get it. My niece is 10 and b-I-l is 53. I’m too tired for that. I had mine all by around 30. Yet I still tell people that if I have any regrets is that I didn’t have more and start sooner.
Own_Celebration5462@reddit
I’m 55 and my youngest is almost 15. Yeah, it’s more tiring for sure, especially with late extracurriculars. I’m ready for bed at 8:30 nowadays!
Dangerous_Abalone528@reddit
I was 36/38, he was 40/43. We are exhausted. And fck middle aged sht at track meets and school carnivals and piano recitals. But I was super immature in my 20s. Wouldn’t have been a good parents. And financially we’re pretty good. They are growing up comfortable.
MzunguMjinga@reddit
My wife and I will be dinks again at 48.
Ok-Produce8376@reddit
My husband is 58, I am 47, our boys are 14 and 11. It is exhausting!
Ok-Lingonberry-8261@reddit
Mid-30s for us. Definitely the right choice for us (finished grad school).
bjb8@reddit
I had my first child at 31, second at 33 and so I was nearly 50 by the time he was done school. My wife is a bit younger so she keeps me moving.
Now it is grandkid time, have a 2.5 year old and one coming in a few months, the new one will be in our house with the parents, so a baby in the house 24 hours.
pacifistpotatoes@reddit
Im 45 & my youngest is 15 & I have a hard time picking her up when practice is done at 830pm! I got started early at age 20, and I am so glad I did for energy reasons, but also it was hard for the first few years money wise, so there are pros & cons to both!
flyingfish_roe@reddit
Don’t worry; all parents are exhausted!