Talk to me like a toddler

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maroonblood94@reddit

“He does it because he appreciates that I gave up my career so he could have one”.

Oh Jesus Christ, spare me.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

??? wtf. Lol okay weirdo. I say what my husband does because he’s told me he appreciates it for that reason and that’s me playing hero?? Oookay.

At that this isn’t the 1850s, I’m not my husbands property. It was a sacrifice with a greater gain. I was HAPPY to give up my career because I wanted to stay with our kids. I could’ve kept it and kept them in daycare 50-60 hours a week. That’s not what I wanted because I was raised that way. It was a mutual decision, he chose his career path and instead of perusing mine I stay home and raise our kids. We could’ve both remained where we were and hired out but we wanted more. That’s not having a hero complex. He can still be appreciative though that I did something I didn’t have to.

The fuck?

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maroonblood94@reddit

🎻🎻🎻

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Conscious-Emu-2912@reddit

You only have an 11 hour drive clock not 14. It's a 14 hour work clock where all your work must done

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Okay but if you drive for 11 hours every day and run out your clock why is it not taking 11 hours everyday from your 70

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AesthetesStephen@reddit

Because there’s a thing called a recap, it adds back some time to your clock from 7 days ago. There’s a lot of nuances to maximizing your 70 hour clock. Technically he could keep running on recap time for 2-3 weeks if he did it right. I’ve been driving 10 years and still don’t get all of it but as long as my clock shows time, I drive.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Ugh… that just sucks. I feel like because his company only sends him home for resets as long as they plan it out right they don’t have to send him home. And it’s so annoying. Every 7 days is every 7 days, not when you decide to make him run out his clock. lol I just want my two days of help with our kids

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Cardinal_350@reddit

I can tell you right now this isn't going to work long term . He's working 70 hours a week and the one thing you want is to throw the kids at him when he gets home? Either that job or your marriage isn't going to make it. Source: 25+ years in trucking. I've seen this story a shitload of times. I'm just being real with you.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I personally don’t throw his children at him when he comes home. In my husbands own words “I like my job, I don’t have to listen to them screaming all day or cook or anything. I play video games every night. I like coming home and being able to help.”

My husband loves me and his kids, he doesn’t get to see them and they’re both under 2, he genuinely enjoys getting to come home and spend time with them and attempt to hit milestones with them that he might miss.

But at that I understand his stress, but I’m also a human being with stress. I’ve got severe postpartum depression and I’m constantly sleep deprived and doing all I can. Our son had severe colic up until 2 weeks ago, I was only sleeping maybe 4 broken hours a day. I can only do so much all by myself. When he comes home and we are together we BOTH can find time to relax and connect because we have a partner.

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Existing_Inside5200@reddit

As a woman driver who's done the stay at home mom thing for many years...I prefer trucking. It's easier for me. Maybe my patience ran out years ago but I can barely deal with my grandkids sometimes lol... But good for you for having a husband that wants to come home to be with his family. Keep it up girl! And yeah sidenote - recruiters and companies ALWAYS lie about schedules. Is just the industry unfortunately. It would be great if he could go regional and get home maybe every 5 days at minimum... Or LTL they make great money...

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Lokisworkshop@reddit

Ive read a lot of your replies and I understand what you are asking for from his company. You wont get it though. Even when he has to be home for a dr appointment they probably wont get him home.

Working the log is a skill that only comes with time and experience.

When my husband gets home, our understanding is 24 hours to reset. We dont have visitors and things are whatever he wants to do. If he wants to veg on the couch, great, if he wants to cook on the real stove, awesome, whatever he wants. Then that second day is more 'normal' life stuff. I do keep a list of things I can not do on a whiteboard and when he gets home, after that 24, he picks away at it.

How do you communicate when he is gone? do you have a pattern of communication? do you have an earpeice for your phone so you can do things and talk? Do you just listen to him yell at dumb cars in front of him? Is it complaining about this or that to him when he can not do a thing about it? Do you video chat? Intimacy is more than just 'rubbin your leg' as they say. Its listening to his day, and him listening to yours as it happens. Its understanding that sometimes he cant talk because traffic, or exits or backing up. Chances are good you are the only other person he talks too except dispatch.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I know I won’t likely get it until he changes to local, I will give them that if he gives them like a two week heads up they get him home. Hell they miraculously got him home when I went into labor so he didn’t miss the birth of his son!

If my hubby asked for 24 hours to veg I’d give it to him, I ask all the time, to make sure he’s not just doing what he thinks id like him to do but what he wants to do. Typically when he comes home all he wants to do is hang with the kids. So I let him. I just clean and do other stuff I can’t really get done with 2 under 2 under me 😂

We typically video chat for a lot of the day, when he’s not talking to me he’s talking to his brother or watching his tv show. We have times where he’s got my full attention and I have his. Times where he only talks to our daughter then gets off. We have a lot of intimacy and balance, which allows me when he comes home to not be overwhelmed and still feel connected to him. The vibe when he comes home is two overly in love teens who happen to be babysitting. It’s nice. It’s the main reason we’ve made it through him being gone most of the past year.

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jadedshibby@reddit

I wasn't gonna say this out loud, but since somebody did: this is 100% fact. I'm honestly stressed out for this dude reading OP's comments.

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Cardinal_350@reddit

From her responses this marriage is doomed if this dude doesn't go home. She really doesn't have a clue what he does I think. Especially the "If I wanted a sperm donor with booty calls" comment.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I’m fully aware of what my husband does.

My response is to what YOU all believe he should or shouldn’t do when he comes home. If he WANTS to come home and spend time with his kids that’s not me dumping his kids on him.

Also if you’ve been at this for 25 years and you’ve seen a lot of people get divorced is it because she expected he help when he comes home because she’s an non empathetic bitch, or is he not prepared to be a husband and father because he believes his only role is to make money and come home and sit on his ass?

I bet it’s more likely the latter.

You and others comments suggest I shouldn’t have my husband move a muscle when he comes home. Therefore would make me a single parent with a booty call. Because if I also wasn’t fucking him because I never got a break to breathe then I would be the bad guy.

That is NOT how I view our marriage though BECAUSE he comes home and WANTS to help. You’re also making this out to be like I don’t get that he works all week then comes home. I NEVER said his job was easy, that’s what he says TO ME. I can’t change his perspective on his job and make it the most exhausting thing and make him come home and do nothing if he wants to do stuff? I’ve never even set an expectation that he come home and do literally anything other than spend time with his kids.

That’s the bare ass minimum of having children and a family.

And my marriage isn’t doomed if he doesn’t come home because it isn’t about him even being home, or what he does at home. I just personally didn’t like that they recruited him under the guise he would be home at max every 7 days. That’s all. So that’s what I wait for every week because idk I also miss my husband? My kids miss their dad? And around day 6-8 my daughter asks for him all day long. The whole point of this post was to learn how the hours worked so if he has 30 hours left on day 8 I can attempt to guess when he might be home with out it seeming like it’s never going down. Now i understand how it works.

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Ok-Combination7287@reddit

Hello, you gotta remember this sub is full of men. As I'm sure you've experienced in real life, they really struggle with empathy (they don't think they do but they do).

You came here for some under standing and support. You did get some clarity on the clock system, so that is good. But expecting them to understand your side of things just isn't realistic. They are men after all.

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Existing_Inside5200@reddit

Agreed!

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Cardinal_350@reddit

You're talking to a guy that has been married for over 30 years. My wife worked full time with babies in the house when I was on the road. You aren't lecturing me about shit when it comes to what's expected and what isn't in a trucking marriage. Godspeed to you and your husband

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

And I bet she had childcare or family. We don’t. At that, if we could afford childcare I’d KILL for my job back. When you have a job you have a break from your kids even if it’s a different responsibility. Hence why she likely let you come home and do little to nothing. It’s just he and I and we live an hour and a half from his parents. His time home is BOTH of our breaks because we have eachother.

I’m glad how your life worked for you and your marriage but everyone is different, every marriage is different. Our marriage works because of the way it is for right now when he’s OTR.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

At that, with this mindset, why would I even be married? I’d be a single parent with a booty call when he came home. These are his kids too? 😂 if I wanted to be a single parent with no help from my partner I would’ve gotten a sperm donor.

If he comes home for two days every 7-9 days or even 5 every 45 like he used to, I think it’s okay that I ask that I get the time to read a book, or have a hobby, or not wake up at 6 am, or actually sleep once through the night, possibly take an hour for skin care or a long enough shower to shave. Anything that I need to make me feel like a human woman, so I can also “take care” of my husband 😏 if you catch my drift.

Really all he does when he comes home is play with the kids so I can clean, cook, or whatever with out being yelled at. That’s like the bare minimum guys. It’s not like he comes home I hand him the kids and go to a spa. 😂

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Lokisworkshop@reddit

You really think all he does is sit on his ass all day? I highly suggest you ride with him for a week. Find a sitter and go if you can at all. Its quite eye opening

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I said he sits for most of the day driving. I talk to him all day, everyday, I know he does other things. I never said that’s all he does. I personally think his job looks and is hard. HE is the one who would describe it as sitting on his ass all day.

I’m 100% aware I couldn’t do his hard job on my best day, at the same time he is also 100% aware and acknowledges he couldn’t do my job on his best day.

His job being hard doesn’t make running a household and doing literally everything except working any less hard.

He works 70 hours a week outside the house, I work 112 hours in the house with out a break. And that’s being generous because I haven’t slept 8 hours a night since our daughter was born in 2024.

My husband isn’t one of these lame ass men who doesn’t get how much work goes into being a stay at home parent.

Hell two weeks ago for the first time ever I left him entirely alone for 3 hours to go get my nails done, when I came back he hugged me and said “idk how you do this. I don’t know how you deal with it when they’re both screaming and need two different things let alone keep the house clean.”

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Lokisworkshop@reddit

You know, i had sympathy and empathy for you but you come off as pretty caustic.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Thanks for calling me corrosive? I just don’t like being attacked or being told my marriage is doomed, or I shouldn’t expect my husband to come home and be a father???? Especially when I asked a question that has nothing to do with our marriage or the level of work he does or doesn’t do at home.

I feel like I’m having to defend myself for not making my husband sit in his ass for the 48 hours he’s home even if that’s what he chooses.

I haven’t talked shit on him, said his job wasn’t hard, said I didn’t appreciate him, said I make him do it all when he’s home yet that’s how people are talking to me. So excuse me if I have an attitude.

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MantisShrimpUpTop@reddit

Omg girl, the projection from a few of these men is off the charts, just wow! They are so defensive and over-sensitive and should not be attacking you this way. It sounds like you and your husband love and support each other and understand the realities best you can.

I have a suspicion that at least SOME are defensive because their version of work/family is something like ‘drive drive drive, fast food, zero exercise, never walk ANYWHERE, stress out, get home and crack a beer.’ Oh yeah he’s tired all the time I wonder why.

If a driver’s not exercising and eating/drinking healthy, then, sorry but he’s not doing everything he can for his family, like that one commenter mentioned.

FWIW I’m a 53 yof OTR driver, run out my clock every week, oh btw also a drummer in a band and we play 50 shows a year. Every Saturday. It’s a lot and some weeks I’m just flying from the yard to the stage with minutes to spare but I feel fantastic because I work to stay healthy.

Sorry to rant but it just pisses me off to see these insulting responses to a young mother saying every which way that she loves and supports her husband and they’re like “wHy ARe You aTtACkinNg HiM yOu cAUsTiC biTcH”

Projection.

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Troubador222@reddit

Itwouldbeokifyoudidgotothespa

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

lol not according to these people I just gotta suffer and my husband needs to do. Nothing

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czina123@reddit

If you don’t bring in any income then you should be grateful and do your part and take care of the house. That or you get the job work 70hrs a week and have him stay home so you know what it’s like

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Rough-Method8876@reddit

What you call your bare minimum is valid. But as others have said, and I’m sorry to say this…but your husband is putting in his maximum to take care of his family. He’s working nearly what would be considered doubles at any other job but is unfortunately normal in our system. I (hope for his sake) that he is being well compensated for it too. So that his family doesn’t suffer from any financial burden. Speaking from experience…he’s not out there whoring around. He’s too exhausted for that. My dad was the truck driver who was gone a lot to support us financially. And as a kid? I knew he showed his love through hard work. My mom? Filled the gaps he couldn’t. And I wouldn’t have changed anything. Would you fault your husband in the same way if he was deployed to the Middle East right now serving our country in the military? If the answer isn’t immediately no? Then it isn’t healthy. If your husband wouldn’t switch roles for you and be the one taking the kids while you supported the family financially? Then it isn’t healthy. A relationship with a trucker is only going to survive when you have patience and grace. I’m now a trucker too, and honestly every night. And it STILL doesn’t work with my wife if we don’t communicate and have grace with each other. You deserve great things. But maybe you’re looking at your husband working what amounts to nearly two full time jobs in the wrong light. No one wants to work that much. Few are able to without a good support system. Trucker suicide is ranked 4th or 5th (depending on the years stats) out of any profession…anywhere. That support system is very very important. Good luck, OP. Hope you figure out an answer.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Oh no I would never fault him. My complaint isn’t that he isn’t working or doesn’t work hard. It’s just simply not what they told him would be the case when he was recruited. And if I wanted to yes he’d switch places in a heartbeat.

We both put in the max and I give him all the grace in the world. If he came home and wanted to sleep or play video games for 48 hours I’d let him. All I want is for him to be the happiest he can be.

When I say I just want my two days of help I don’t mean oh he comes home and I dump the weight of the world on his shoulders. It’s more like him being home makes the house and my brain quiet. He brings calm and safety home when he comes home. Just him being around helps.

Also I go out of my way to make sure he has the easiest life possible. He doesn’t clean, doesn’t shop, I don’t give him a list of chores when he comes home. All he has to do is make money, and love on me and the kids when he comes home. I want it that way. I want him to have an easy happy life, at the same time that’s what he wants for me.

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Rough-Method8876@reddit

As an outsider only gathering information secondhand from your comments…it feels strongly like you are shifting some of the blame onto his shoulders for seemingly being absentee. It feels like you’re saying you put in all the work and he isn’t matching you on that in the family situation. But this is the inter-web and I cannot get context from tonal shifts and expressions like in person. I’ve also been in his shoes and therefore am carrying significant bias into reading of your comments. So don’t take my comments to heart if they aren’t accurate. As anyone can contest…redditors aren’t right 99% of the time and an ass the other 1%. I truly hope you find a solution that works for you two.

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Troubador222@reddit

Ididnotgetthatfromwhatshrsaidatall

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Oh I don’t mean that to be the way I come off!

My husband works so hard and I’m so proud to be his partner. Even if I still only saw him once a month. He’s a great husband and father.

He gives his all to his job and family and whatever that means or looks like is all I can ask for

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Rough-Method8876@reddit

That’s wonderful and a great sign that you’ll find your solution, OP.

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Mpnav1@reddit

From a 30 year driver who is very family oriented.

The best move for your situation is to have him pay his dues OTR by getting miles and experience. In 6 months look for a local job. His first local job may not be the best pay or hours but with more experience he will find better gigs with better pay and family time.

I know it’s hard, many of us have been there. Be supportive, he misses his family as much as they miss him.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

He’s probably gonna look again for an LTL or local after his 2 year mark of driving.

I’d follow that man to hell and back, over and over even if I got burned.

I know he misses us, that’s why when he comes home I really try to prioritize family time. We partner up on the kids so we’re also spending time together, usually do some kind of something together as a family even if it’s just shopping, then we prioritize couple time at night and atleast once a month we have a date night away from the kids.

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czina123@reddit

Don’t wait to apply it’s not 15-20 years ago where you need experience to drive local a lot of companies hire kids right out of school

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SecureDepth1312@reddit

Exactly what mpnav said, your husband after some experience needs to look for a regional job. Even a regional job can equate to long days, but at least he might get to be home everyday.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Just because you all can’t comprehend why a man (I’m just gonna be honest here who sits for most of the day driving)who doesn’t have to deal with screaming children, cook 3-4 meals a day, clean all day everyday, go grocery shopping, pay bills, do doctors appointments, bath and bedtime, and gets to play video games every night and get a solid 8-10 hours of sleep every night would WANT to come home and help the person doing all of that alone while struggling with ppd, regular depression, and an anxiety disorder. I really can’t help you.

My husband ENJOYS coming home to help, he LOVES his kids, he LOVES me, he LIKES coming home so I have time to be more than a mom and wife but my own person. He ENJOYS watching me be able to relax because he’s home and doesn’t see it as a burden.

I get that it’s an uncommon concept to not just make mom do everything alone and all dad has to do is make money and sit on his ass, but that’s not how our relationship works. We both give 100/100 and when the other person can’t fill their 100 the other person makes it up.

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Accomplished-Cat-632@reddit

Think the confusion is it’s 7 days, not days making a week. Rotating 7 days

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jarrodandrewwalker@reddit

Real talk--how much experience does he have and what area do y'all live in? OTR is going to ruin your marriage. The most sustainable life for a trucking family is local, home daily work. He will need at least a year of OTR experience before those types of jobs' insurance companies will cover him. Sit down and talk through it and make a plan because you'll resent him for not being home and he'll resent you for resenting him while he's, in his eyes, working to provide for his family he never gets to see. It's a tale as old as trucking.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Oh also Nashville Tn. Idk if I said that.

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jarrodandrewwalker@reddit

Yeah, regional is still essentially OTR. When I lived in Alabama, there were part haulers that picked up outaide of nashville and took honda and hyundai parts down to the factories in Alabama. Might be worth looking into. Also in Nashville there should be LTL (less than load) jobs that would be home daily

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

We will. Probably after he’s spent a year at this company. He has a really solid resume because he’s not a job hopper. I personally won’t push him to hop early or anything like that. I just wanted to better understand that clock system because it made literally 0 sense to me.

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jarrodandrewwalker@reddit

I respect that but you should know these companies do not care about the drivers. Multiple companies have gone out of business and left their drivers stranded all across the country and the drivers only find out when the fuel card doesn't work anymore.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Oh we’ve had this talk for a while. I don’t resent him at all. This is his first year, I knew and was prepared for lots of sacrifice. He went to school got his certificate last may, he worked true OTR until January of this year. now idk if it’s still considered OTR because their company base is in Nashville, they said it’s regional? So he has a set area he drives in and they just allow him to reset at home for 48 hours and go back.

I assumed with experience maybe by year 2 he can find a local place to do that in.

I will say I’m grateful he’s able to reset at home. 30-45 days with out my best friend sucked. At the same time, they didnt pitch the job as If it was when his 70 Ran out, just simply he would drive for 5-8 days and be home for 2.

Which is why I was asking about hours because If they’re basing it off of his 70 and not just every 5-8 days then they could go like 2-3 weeks and not send him home. Which in turn sucks very badly for me and his kids.

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CompletelyPaperless@reddit

No offense, but trucking is not like a regular job. It's often 60-70 hour weeks. If he's only back for the 2 days, let the man enjoy it as much as possible.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I do! I don’t know why because I said I want help with the children he helped create that means I don’t let him enjoy himself. 😂

He literally does nothing but work, play video games, and hang out with his kids when he’s home. He may change a diaper if I’m in the middle of cleaning something while he’s hanging out with them but it’s not the end of the world. He doesn’t clean, doesn’t cook, doesn’t take out trash, doesn’t take the car to the mechanic, nothing. If coming home and seeing his two young children and spending time with them means he can’t “enjoy his time” he shouldn’t be a parent.

Good thing that’s not his mindset.

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CompletelyPaperless@reddit

Please tell me you at least also have a full time job, and aren't just being a housewife and than complaining that it's too much. And If you do work, you both should get some daycare plans so you can both get a break.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

This shows your lack of understanding of what goes into and takes place during the day with two children under 2.

Yes I am a housewife, I’m also a person. I’ve had 3 deaths in my family in the past year, a major move 45 mins from any city center let alone a grocery store, i was pregnant, I had a baby, I went no contact with my abusive parents, we’re in the process of moving again, our son had serious colic for 10 weeks of his life and basically didn’t stop screaming, I have 3 mental disabilities and I’m currently suffering through postpartum depression. That is a lot for one person on top of cleaning everyday, taking care of myself and my kids.

If we had to pay someone to do everything I do it would be a lot of money.

Personal chef for 4 meals a day 16 hours of child care daily 4 hours of cleaning daily Not to mention the mental work of managing all activities and bills.

I don’t have to have a full time job, then come home take care of my kids and do everything else by myself to “earn” the right to complain.

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CompletelyPaperless@reddit

I don't understand your exact life but I do your situation. My wife and I have a child too. She works full time and I'm a regional trucker. I can help now, but when I was OTR it was extremely hard. I understand how hard parenting is, but you're home all day. He doesn't just work the hours. He's away from the comfort of home. Trucking is absurdly stressful. Between the abusive companies, dispatchers, the laws, the driving. Although parenting is stressful, driving with idiots all day, and loneliness, it is a mind numbing experience, and gets worse as the OTR weeks go by. Then he doesn't just work 11 hours a day. He goes yo sleep after 11 hours and after 10 he starts again. Or he's sitting around and stressing about pay. Yes your life is hard and it's not fair, but at least your home and part of that deal is, that while he's OTR you support him too. BTW, he really just needs to go local or regional since he has a year in. Tell him to apply to KAG.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

And again I NEVER COMPLAINED. I don’t CARE what my husband does when he comes home. He CHOOSES to take care of his kids because THEYRE HIS FUCKING KIDS. To my husband he gets a break every night when he plays his games or whatever he does. So he comes home and WANTS me to paint, read, take a long shower or whatever it is that brings me joy. Because he WANTS his wife to be happy.

I genuinely don’t understand how that translates to me complaining. I genuinely don’t give a fuck. Like my husband is a great dude and I’m lucky that he works so hard and enjoys his job so much that he wants to come home and help. If he came home today and told me he wanted to trade places I’d say okay.

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czina123@reddit

Tell him to go local he will be home every day and make way more money

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96fordman03@reddit

Very true!

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buttweasel76@reddit

Two days? You get less than a day and s half.

34 hours.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

They allow 48 since they technically get no time off.

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Inside-Finish-2128@reddit

"Every 7 days is every 7 days" - not in this industry. Any given moment, the ELD (logging device) looks at the past 168 hours (aka one week) and analyzes the numbers. If there's time left to drive, there's time left to drive. So it's a rolling look-back in constant fashion.

If you drive 11 hours a day for six days straight, you're sitting at 66 hours. Next day he can drive 4 and blammo he needs a recap. But, if they only send him 3 hours away and park him, the next morning he can drive another 11 (because every hour he's driving, another "old hour" is falling off the clock).

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Puzzleheaded-Hat5803@reddit

Im not gonna lie. I passed the writen version of understanding the clock, but I didnt fully get how it worked until a couple months into driving. Then it just clicked. 🤷

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Conscious-Emu-2912@reddit

Only if you drive the full 11. Plus if you do the pre- and post-trip inspection and if you gotta fuel you might be looking at around 12+ hour off the 70

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Wasabi-Kungpow@reddit

No such thing as a work clock. Its a 14 hour clock where you can complete your 11 hour driving. You can work 24 hours a day. FMCSA regulates 1 thing and that's driving. They do not regulate how long you are allowed to work.

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Critical_Opening_526@reddit

Days are 24 hours.

But time is continual.

If I start at12am, I could drive 10, sleep 10 and go back to work in the same "day"

You have 3 separate alarm clocks.

Clock 1 - 14 hours. This clock starts when you first start your day, whatever it is. Fuel? Clock starts. Pre-trip? Clock starts. It just keeps going no matter what. At 14 hours the alarm goes off.

Clock 2 - 11 hour driving. This Clock counts all time actually driving. Pre-trip? Not driving. Getting unloaded? Not driving.

Clock 3 - 70 hour Clock. It acts like the driving Clock, but it also includes work that isn't driving. Fuel, pre-trip, etc. It tracks all work.

Now you must stop driving if any of these 3 clocks go off. No matter what.

To reset the clocks (the first two) you must take a 10 hour off duty break. That means no work. Just sleep and hang out eating cheese slices and watching Netflix.

The last Clock only resets once you've had a continued 34 hour uninterrupted break. At home, for instance.

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Critical_Opening_526@reddit

This is the basics. There's other things you can do to manipulate time, split sleeper breaks, etc.

It's also good practice to go "off duty" while loading and unloading to save time on your 70, specifically if you're OTR.

Back in the day when I did OTR, I was gone 4 to 5 months at a time. I would work 8.5 hours a day. That's it.

A simple 8-9 hour work day and you'll never use all 70 hours as they reset every 8 days. Basically at midnight the 8th day becomes the 9th and falls off. So you regain those hours.

If you work 9 hours a day, every day, you always gain 9 hours a day. So I never had to take a 34 unless I wanted to. (Going to Canada requires a 34 hour break every 2 weeks regardless of actual hours left)

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highlyelevated_207@reddit

Does going off duty really stop your 70?

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Critical_Opening_526@reddit

So the 70 only tracks on duty and driving. All hours worked.

If you go off duty while loading, you can save that time. It doesn't help you on the day because you still have your 14.

But it'll save you time later in the week.

I usually show 15 min for loading/unloading.

The rest I do sleeper berth. That way if it takes 3 hours, I've already got half my split sleeper done.

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highlyelevated_207@reddit

Yeah I need to do this, my 70 has been fried lately

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Critical_Opening_526@reddit

If you do split sleeper it typically kills your 70.

But yeah, hit off duty while unloading or loading. Try to save every minute.

I look at it this way, I want as many hours as possible on Friday because I'm making it home. I will NOT miss my home time because I used 3 hours on Tuesday.

Show 15-20 min loading. Then off duty the next however long.

I can usually save 3 or 4 hours a week doing that.

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mvamv@reddit

No, but it saves you a lot of time. You can easily burn through your 70 real quick if you log all time being loaded/offloaded if the warehouses takes a few hours. This is very common in the reefer business.

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highlyelevated_207@reddit

I’ve been fighting my 70 the last couple of wild, I’m going to have to start doing this.

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The_Vass_76@reddit

36 actually in Canada. Same 70 (in most of the provinces) but different drive line clock. Canada is 13 hours with minimum 8 hours downtime for a daily reset and 36 hours for a full reset of your Canada clock. You will need a full 10 hour reset prior to returning to the US though; otherwise you’ll be in violation once you switch back to the US clock.

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Critical_Opening_526@reddit

It's been a while.

I got caught needing to take a 36 as soon as I crossed at thousand islands. It sucked as there isn't anything around there.

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The_Vass_76@reddit

Understandable. I remember the differences in the clocks still and I haven’t been back in Canada in over a year. I just run domestic now and you’re right, there ain’t shit around 1k Islands. I hated crossing back from there myself.

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doobersthetitan@reddit

Don't forget the 8 hour " break" which can be on duty time too

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DaSaw@reddit

The break is 30 minutes. The clock is 8 hours. I know you know this, I'm just buttressing your phrasing.

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doobersthetitan@reddit

I know but its another " clock" to be aware of too unfortunately...my local buddy driver went over his 8 hour work time cause 1 stop wasn't 30 mins.

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96fordman03@reddit

Last time I did that....... Made for one heck of a long tiring day.... Started my day like 0430hrs, and ended like 0100 next morning! lol

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

THANK YOU. 🙏🏾

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Evil_Space_Penguins@reddit

The HOS laws are a little too complicated in my opinion. The 10 hour break means you can start every day 2 hours earlier than the day before, while your body wants sleep at the same time each day.

Leaving out recaps and splits...

You get to drive 70 hours before you have to stop for 34 hours.

You get 11 hours of driving, but are allowed 14 hours of work. So fueling, inspections, pretrips won't take your drive time. You get 11 hours on the road. And that goes until your 70 is used up.

I just work in 12 hour cycles, its easier. 12 hours on, 12 hours off. My carrier doesn't care.

Its a little confusing, dont feel bad. I've been driving 7 years and i dont fully understand splits or recaps. I dont use them. Ain't nobody got time for that!

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username_fantasies@reddit

Can I try, the way i understand it?

So you have 70 hours per week you are allowed to work.

Work includes driving, pre-trips, post-trips, fueling, paperwork, waiting at shipper/receiver etc. This your "high level clock"

14 hours is DAILY time for work (see above) you are alotted.

You can only drive 11 hours per day. The other 3 hours should be allocated towards other work, NON-DRIVING.

Now, this is all DOT regulation time. You should consider all that as absolute limit to the time you work on a daily and weekly basis. Usually you will not push these limits.

That's it in a nutshell. I avoided many details and nuances to keep it simple.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Thank you kindly. 🤭

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opinionated_penguin@reddit

You’ve been a naughty boy, son. 🫵🏻

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

This is fucking hilarious.

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6Super6John6@reddit

Yikes, hard pass.

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AcanthocephalaNew791@reddit

Truckers life is not easy. Your gonna have a rough time with this.

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DumatRising@reddit

There's the 8, 11, 14, and 70.

After 8 hours of driving you must take at least a 30 minute break, after 11 hours of driving you must take a 10 hour break, after you come on duty and start your work day you must end it before 14 hours is up (there's some nuance there that changes things but as a very basic idea.)

You may not work more than 70 hours in an 8 day running period.

Those are the legally limits for our clocks but the real world doesn't really work like that. It would be very unusual to drive all of your 11 hours or work for all 14 of your 14 hours. More reasonably on most days you would work maybe 9-10 hours on average if you're not trying to recap. Parking, appointment times, delivery distance... there's a lot of factors that determines how someone spends that clock but unless they're getting really good miles it would be strange to be out of hours before day 7 of the 8 day week.

In addition because it's a rolling week if someone works less than 8 hours a day they can continue to work... Well not really forever but legally forever. As by the end of day 8 they'll have worked 64 hours and get back 8 so have 14 at the start of day 9, and then if they work only 8 they'll once again have 14 at the start of day 10 and this will continue as long as they can keep averaging 8 hours.

My advice, tough it out as best you can until he's got experience to apply to a local trucking job of some kind. He's still gonna be working terrible hours but he'll be able to spend more time with you and the kids. As OTR family time is a thing that just isn't gonna happen in any. Or at least have him swap to a company with a better home time plan than whenever you need a reset.... Most OTR companies have a 1 week 1 day home time policy. If your home is close enough to a regular delivery for the company they'll let you pick a day and that day becomes your day off, otherwise you can "bank" days and take them off later, i.e if you work 4 weeks straight you can then take 4 days off when ever you like more or less trading a day off now for a extra day off later. I've seen some that say they'll do 1 week 2 days but that's very rare. Even if 1 week 1 day is ass, it's still better than basically "whenever we feel like it" like that's BS.

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haulhand@reddit

You need to change where you say work to drive in this comment. You can only drive that many hours. You can work indefinitely as long as you don’t drive before taking a 10 or 34.

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DumatRising@reddit

Like I said in the comment, it was a very basic idea and there's some nuance to the clocks that technically makes nothing I said 100% true. I haven't stopped to take an actual 30m in months since I run splits and with splits you can also avoid taking an actual 10.

It's just not worth going into that level of detail for someone who wants a toddler understanding.

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haulhand@reddit

I get it but to dumb it down to toddler level you have to make sure they understand that the entire system is setup around driving hours not working hours hence why I said you need to change the word work to drive. As long as you understand it tho and you are actually taking a 30 it’s just part of your split.

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planetbuster@reddit

easy.

the 14 hour thing = all work. ALL work. not just driving. could be anything. paperwork, refueling, other stuff with the truck.. waiting on a load.. etc.

11 hour thing = actual amount of driving allowed in a 24 hr period.

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haulhand@reddit

Actual amount of time allowed in a 14 hour period not a 24 hour period. You can have more than 11 hours driving in a 24 hour period if you don’t use any on duty time and have a break in between driving periods.

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John9250@reddit

8 hours straight, 30 minute break, then the remainder which is 3 hours but you take a risk running the last 3 due to parking issues. 14 hours a day on duty, not driving. 70 hours per 8 days, not 7. 10 hour break when you stop.

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MajorHymen@reddit

You get hours back on a rolling schedule so unless you completely drive your max everyday you’ll get hours back on following 7 or 8 days I think it’s the 8th day. So if you drive 9 hours on day 1 you’ll get 9 hours back on day 8. So if you drive strategically you can never run out of hours. You won’t always have enough time to do long distances but you’ll have enough hours to drive at least a few hundred miles.

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Exnoss69@reddit

Ask his girlfriend. I bet she knows his clock.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I bet you’re right 😂

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Exnoss69@reddit

It really sucks. I recently left OTR for a home daily job. But fortunately i was on a home weekly gig. Maybe thays more suitable for you guys. I worked for PTI. I was consistently home every weekend. My truck once broke down 6 hours away from home. They put me in a hotel for the night, i got breakdown pay and they also pay a standard minimum for the week if you dont get any miles. When they knew it would take a week to fix the truck they rented me a car to get me home for the weekend and then had me drive that car back to fet my truck after it was fixed. The company seems above most in terms of tranparency and how they treat drivers.

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Nearby-Border-5899@reddit

You have 70 hours within 8 days to work ONDUTY/DRIVING. A driver cannot DRIVE after exhausting their 70 hour clock

14 Hours per day ON-DUTY(this is everything that "working" is) A driver cannot DRIVE after the 14 hours

11 hours DRIVE TIME..this is the big one...you need 10 hours of continous break(off-duty/sleeper berth) to reset this and the 14 hour clock

During the 14 hour day a driver needs to log 30 mins in a duty status OTHER THAN DRIVING within 8 hours of onduty activity.

I wont explain split sleeper because if you cant understand this you wont understand splits.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

I kinda get the sleeper splits, he explained those. He just never really explained how all three clocks work together very well.

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NorthP503@reddit

He’s cheating. Leave him.

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Jimlee1471@reddit

Nothing in this whole thread surprises me. I've seen OTR ruin more than a couple of marriages. Better have a serious talk with your husband because long-haul trucking is usually not kind to relationships.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

Well while I’ll say it’s hard obviously I’m not actually complaining about the nature of his job. We were both well aware this time would be the hardest couple years till he got good experience under his belt.

My issue is/ was when he was recruited it wasn’t like they framed it would be based off his 70, it was just told to us as every 5-7 days he’d be home for 2. So if they are basing it off his 70 I just wanted to understand how it worked so I could have some semblance of clarity.

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MuffinMonster-@reddit

OTR Trucking is not a family friendly lifestyle. You miss him, your kids miss him. He's missing out on them growing up. It's very tough for you and the kids. It sounds like he's happy out there, I know I loved trucking regional. There are better local jobs out there. I've worked 4 days a week local with weekends off. I currently work 5am to 1 pm with weekends off. Raising kids isn't an easy job either.

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PDXWiLdBoii@reddit

Goo goo ga ga

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

😂😂 thank you. I’m gonna do this to my kid when she gets up from her nap.

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FAYMKONZ@reddit

He' deffinately cheating on you.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

lol he’s definitely* not. He doesn’t have the time and he calls too much to have someone else to talk to. 😂

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Riyeko@reddit

Don't listen to idiots.

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Riyeko@reddit

24 hours every day.

10 for sleep.

14 for work.

11 for driving.

The 11 is inside the 14. If you drive 11 hours, you have 3 left for fueling and other work related things.

10 of the 24 must be used for sleep (unless doing split breaks like 8/2 or 7/3).

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Riyeko@reddit

24 hours every day.

10 for sleep.

14 for work.

11 for driving.

The 11 is inside the 14. If you drive 11 hours, you have 3 left for fueling and other work related things.

10 of the 24 must be used for sleep (unless doing split breaks like 8/2 or 7/3).

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Riyeko@reddit

24 hours every day.

10 for sleep.

14 for work.

11 for driving.

The 11 is inside the 14. If you drive 11 hours, you have 3 left for fueling and other work related things.

10 of the 24 must be used for sleep (unless doing split breaks like 8/2 or 7/3).

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oic38122@reddit

Simple: you have a 14 hour window you’re allowed to drive 11 hours in, at some point during that 11 hours before you drive eight hours you have to stop for 30 minutes then you can start driving again… I usually drove four or five hours and then then drove the rest without having to stop after that 30 other than securement checks

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WaterWeary7880@reddit

Recaps. You get time back on your clock from 7 days prior every depending on what you did the prior week. I do a full month running nonstop working off of recaps then take 3-5 days off at home.

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Brokenwife87@reddit (OP)

That’s what he did at his last company.

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LongjumpingCat6642@reddit

First, it’s 11 hours driving, 14 hours working. Second, he’s running recaps. After x days(I’m off weekends), if you worked 10 hours on day 1, you gain 10 hours back on your 70hr. You can do this indefinitely.

He may not be driving for 11 hrs, or working a full 14. It’s all dependent on his appointment times.

How much is he making a week? There’s many regional jobs that get you home every weekend and still pay well

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RoadRatzzz@reddit

I do feel that the hos rules can be confusing and hard to explain....do a search on You Tube for "dot hos rules" and see if that helps

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possibly_lost45@reddit

He gains back hours on the 8th day. It's called recap.

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96fordman03@reddit

You only get 11 hrs of drive time and 3 hrs of One Duty time.

Which that 3 hrs of On Duty time can be chewed up really fast by; fueling, receivers/shippers, traffic, etc.. And the next thing you know, you could/can easily use up some of your drive time, by being On Duty.

Because your 14 hr clock subtracts total drive and on duty time, from the 14 hr daily clock.

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packraftbeta@reddit

If you keep your hours under 70/7 you can float the 24hr off rule for 2 weeks even though it’s a 7 day cycle and go two weeks without 24hrs off and doing a full 36hr reset.

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UOLZEPHYR@reddit

You start with 70 hours for a week (8 day/70 hours)

In a 24 hour period- you can work 14.

Of those 14 hours you can only drive 11 (8 hours then take a 30 minute break gets you the other 3)

In order to get these 14/11 hours back you have to be off duty or sleeper birth off duty for a full 10 hours.

In order to get all your 70 hoirs back at once you have to take 34 consecutive hours off duty/sleeper birth.

Recaps on your 8th day whatecer hours you worked on that first day come back

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buttweasel76@reddit

Banging lot lizards doesn't count towards the 70 hours of work...

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Admirable_Lab_7867@reddit

Hes not driving for 10 hours or more a day if his clock does not run out. 1-2 hours a day can also be for picks, drops, scales, fuel, and other on duty operations which dont count towards drive time.

Also, after 7 days, you get whats called a recap and you get time back from anything done 8 days before. So if he doesnt run his entire 70, after midnight passes the 7th day after he starts his clock, he gets whatever hours back he used on the first day.

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Lpgasman1@reddit

11 hours to drive

3 hours to sit fuel whatever yard move. Unload Load Breakdown Inspection

14 total in a day

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Zealousideal_Wave760@reddit

You have a 70 hour work week. Meaning driving or non driving work can’t exceed 70 hours in one week. You have 11 hours of drive time but can work a 14 hour day, meaning you can only drive for 11 hours a day, but if you do flatbed or something you have a 3 spare hours to secure your load or drophook etc. you can also run a splitlog too which is a means of artificially extending your 70 hour work week by putting yourself in sleeper(like for a nap) but in reality you’re securing your load. After an hour or so of sleeper you will split your log and the time spent in the sleeper isn’t counted against you and is actually added back onto your clock.