What can I buy for a person with severe dementia for a big birthday?

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Comcernedthrowaway@reddit

A weighted reborn type baby doll.

Don’t know why or how it works but I’ve never seen a single person with Alzheimer’s or any other type of dementia sufferers who haven’t immediately remembered they’re a grandparent and began babysitting, singing, cooing at or feeding their new grandchild a bottle before rocking it to sleep.

My grandad wasn’t massively hands on with any of his children as babies but by golly he really took to his baby- the ugliest doll known to man, who I can only think, my cousin must have chosen to scare my nan as well as any passing flocks of birds with - we not so fondly called it baby beelzebub- formally christened as Malcom Ronald by my g’dad.

Ironically he completely forgot his own and his kids names-most of the time, but he rarely ever misplaced that demon doll and he generally remembered to call the doll the correct names- and when he was wrong he at least said names that were vaguely similar sounding to the one he’d given to beelzebub. It gave him a bit of purpose and gave us all lot of laughs and more joy than we could have hoped for out of the situation, especially in the midst of such a very difficult time for my family all round

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Jin-shei@reddit

Really good hand cream. She can have safe human contact using it, and we found it really helped my great aunt

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Cha_r_ley@reddit

I recently bought my mum a music player that was designed specifically for people with dementia - you pre load music on, you open the lid to play, you close the lid to stop, and there’s one single large button to skip to the next track (it always plays the music in the order in which it was loaded on, FYI).

I know it’s maybe not the fanciest present, but I just wanted something that would enhance her quality of life.

https://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/collections/music-and-audio/products/simple-music-player-red?variant=45460638007450

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Unfair_Scarcity7878@reddit

This is great!

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Cha_r_ley@reddit

It really is!

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palebluedot365@reddit

A stuffed toy, like a kitten or puppy. Sounds ridiculous, but my grandma absolutely adored the one we got her. I guess probably better if she was an animal lover in her younger years!

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Artistic_Outcome_488@reddit

Just to add to this my Nan has the same, it’s a cat and it also purrs. She loves it

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EllaSingsJazz@reddit

Agree, mine had a weighted cat and loved it. A lot of the ladies in the home quite liked dolls too.

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BirdieStitching@reddit

Realistic baby dolls are used in memory care a lot, it's incredible to see how people who are suffering so much are so gentle and loving with these dolls which they believe are real babies. You can see a glimpse of who they were and how much they loved their own children.

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sapphire-sky-dragon@reddit

I donated 8 of mine to a dementia day centre when I gave up the hobby. They where very well received.

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BirdieStitching@reddit

That's so kind

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sapphire-sky-dragon@reddit

I used them as "real" babies during a stressful time of my life, I dressed them undressed every night, put thrm to bed even had an app that told me they needed feeding or have a nappy change and I had prams that I took out every time I went out. They are really a god send for some people but I moved to a small flat and 9 of them was impractical. I kept one thats just ornamental now I just wanted them to help other people was lovely seeing the photos in the fb group.

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boojes@reddit

Before my nan passed from dementia,and right up until the day she died, seeing or even just hearing my kids made her light up.

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BirdieStitching@reddit

I'm so glad you had those moments with her right up to the end, I'm sorry for your loss

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NerdyNerdanel@reddit

My grandma (died last year aged 95) was never much of an animal lover but when she had dementia in her last years our springer spaniel was often the only thing she responded to, rather than family members. I never thought of it but she might have really loved a dog or other animal toy.

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Manbry@reddit

Oh gosh, my dad got my mum a battery operated cat that purrs and rolls over. Lifelike size. Creepy AF but she loved it x

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rainbow84uk@reddit

If she happens to be a cat lover, you can get super realistic toy cats that breathe and purr. There's one in the home where my grandma moved to recently and people sit and pet it for hours.

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Blue-flash@reddit

Have you seen Purrbles? They’re amazing.

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rainbow84uk@reddit

Oh wow, I hadn't seen them before but they sound like such a good idea. My autistic niece would love something like that.

She actually has one of the realistic toy cats I mentioned and we had a giggle when it arrived in packaging covered in photos of old people.

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tinned_peaches@reddit

What brand of realistic cat did you get?

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rainbow84uk@reddit

I'm not 100% sure but think it's one of the Joy For All companion pets.

Pretty pricey, but it was her main Christmas present and she's obsessed with it. It meows, rolls over and purrs when you stroke it.

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tinned_peaches@reddit

In the care home that my grandad was a resident at, a lady had a baby doll that she loved.

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inkyzink@reddit

I bought my Gran a little stuffed pig for her last christmas and she ADORED it. Sadly she passed away a few weeks later but I kept the piggy and smile everytime i see it ♥

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phatboi23@reddit

Yup.

My nan has a stuffed cat, she's rarely seen without it in the home she's in.

Scares the shit out of me to see her like that as I'm used to her, before the fall and dementia, where she was 80, still popping to town for the other local old folks in the street who could who were younger than her.

:(

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sneezetree@reddit

i can recommend "warmies" which are microwavable heat packs but in soft toy forms. you dont even have to heat them up, even cold they are a satisfying weight to hug/pet. I got my mum (cat lover) the bagpuss version when she was stuck in hospital and just having something cat-like to pet really did help. & the otter is ridiculously comforting to cradle in the crook of your arm.

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Mobile-Eggplant2131@reddit

My nan had dogs all her life, till she couldn't look after them anymore. When she ended up in a care home (she was bed ridden, had dementia and had multiple tia's. We had to have the ambulanceout to her 9 times in just over 2 months. The carers she had ended up saying they couldnt cope with her anymore), she had a stuffed dog, it went everywhere with her. She loved it like it was a real dog.

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Ok_Requirement_7489@reddit

Yes this - the ones I bought my nan were a real comfort to her (she was an animal lover). She also loved photos (large ones easy to see) and fun books - I bought her photo books of animals. There are also some companies who make specialist presents for people with dementia for example photo jigsaws with just a few pieces and memory books (has different gifts based on level of dementia).

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pinkdaisylemon@reddit

We got my late mum a battery operated cat particularly for dementia patients that reacted with meows and some movement when it was approached or touched. She loved it and named it after my late dad bless her. It now sits on the side in my bedroom.

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ambergriswoldo@reddit

If she’s always been very maternal - a life size baby doll with some pretty outfits

If she’s always loved cats / dogs - a realistic sized cuddly toy

Flowers

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Manbry@reddit

My mum has dementia. We have been purchased he a life like doll to snuggle. We have also gotten her a personalised blanket. My son bought her a Jason mania t shirt (she’d ruin him given half the chance). I like to buy her nice toiletries. But also acts of service are nice too. A few weeks ago we did facials together and I often do manicures and stuff pedicures for her.

My mum is almost non verbal now and can’t communicate and also isn’t mobile unless with the help of 2 carers. She doesn’t really care about ‘stuff’ anymore, so anything that makes her smile or brings her comfort in some way is always nice.

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rebekha@reddit

Nice smelling things, maybe something familiar to her from the past - you can rub some lotion into her hands or help her perfume a scarf.

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NeckBeard137@reddit

Flowers

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Informal_Republic_13@reddit

Mine liked silly little fidget toys she could squeeze and manipulate, more rubbery than plushies appealed to her, in the shapes of animals or little characters.

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picnicspotlover@reddit

How about a fidget quilt. They are great for people with dementia

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EJB1996@reddit

Twiddlemuff could be a good idea😊

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katbearwol@reddit

Something that feels nice? a soft blanket or scarf or something could be good. I was getting my grandma things like sun catchers for her room which always brightened up the place

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katbearwol@reddit

Oh and paper flower arrangements were great as well as they stayed bright and cheerful without needing a lot of care!

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blozzerg@reddit

My nan had this solar powered dancing flower in a pot. It just sat on the windowsill dancing away with a big grin, and every so often she’d rediscover it and find it hilarious.

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PityPartySommelier@reddit

I guess they would prevent any alarm with suddenly appearing to be dead flowers.

They could also, sadly, be a gift every day and never lose their charm.

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katbearwol@reddit

Also some places, like the rehab center, didn't allow flowers so it was a way to make things brighter without someone throwing it away!

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mad119@reddit

I made a thick fluffy scarf for my grandma, she was fairly gone by that point but we were still able to take her out on little day trips and she’d always have that scarf bundled round her (probably not by any conscious choice on her part but it felt nice so a win is a win)

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Jumpy-Jello-@reddit

A fidget blanket!

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NutAli@reddit

A doll with clothes that can be changed. Elderly ladies love them.

If you have a lot of money to spend, maybe a reborn doll.

Or food that she particularly loves.

A photo of you &/or family in a frame.

Bathing set - nothing that she'd slip on but maybe bath cubes or bath salts, soap & talc.

Perfume.

A subscription of monthly flowers to be sent to her.

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Terrible_Bluebird540@reddit

Music, Music is the one thing that dementia sufferers nearly always remember. If you can ask family or friends of theirs if they recall any favourites of theirs. Or try & find a CD or something that they might have listened to in their younger years.

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Rob-McPhillips@reddit

It's hard to find a present for someone like this unless you can see a specific need like a fidget toy or similar.

To be honest though your presence will be the real value for her.

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StormySally@reddit

Best thing I ever saw in a care home (probably a bit expensive) was an interactive cat. It didn’t look at all realistic, but it moved its head as you petted it and purred. I’d imagine you can probably get them online easily enough. None of the residents (with dementia) realised it wasn’t a real cat and they absolutely loved it. Of course a stuffed animal would be equally as loved I’m sure

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PAngel111@reddit

Was about to comment this those realistic puppy’s or kittens that breaths those are adorable

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EstoppelByWaffle@reddit

The value of even just a moment of peace and memory for someone living with advanced dementia can be so very meaningful.

Speak to the people who look after her, ask them what makes her smile, or ask one of your family members what made her once smile.

It could be a familiar photograph, a music player, a blanket - anything.

Your grandma is still in there I promise.

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Bellatrixforqueen@reddit

Oh that made me well up. Beautiful words

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Bellatrixforqueen@reddit

What a beautiful post of ideas. Your grandparents are really lucky to have you all.

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PositiveVibes2525@reddit

Blanket?

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Investigator516@reddit

Ice cream. For some reason they love ice cream. Crush in a Lactaid into her serving if she has issues with it.

Singing. A piano player that knows songs she would love. Music stays with Alzheimer’s patients when other senses are lost.

A soft blanket. Or plushie of their pet.

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budgiebirdman@reddit

A stripper.

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Supslick@reddit

Wow 100! My grandma had dementia and nothing brought her comfort more than a soft, weighted baby doll with a little doll crib. She was a mother to five, had a bunch of grandkids and great grandkids and she dove straight back in to soothing the "baby". She couldn't feed or dress herself but she made sure that baby was warm in a blanket no matter what.

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Confident-Cup-6453@reddit

I know they are marketed to children, but what about a yoto player to simply play music and audio books, they are so easy to use.

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Independent_Craft125@reddit

Anything at all that will make her comfortable. You've had some brilliant suggestions already so I won't repeat.

A very happy birthday to them. Best wishes

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Yikes44@reddit

Get her a digital photo frame and then get your whole family to download the app and share family photos from their phones. As she has dementia you could go one step further and take pictures of the photos from her old photo albums and then upload those. Even though she's lost her recent memory she might still remember things from her eariler life. We did this for my 90 year old mum and she loves it.

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anotherbusybee@reddit

A really good quality blanket.

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iamsheena@reddit

Something with pretty lights, bubbles, etc. Lean into whimsy that she can look at and admire.

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BeanOnAJourney@reddit

My dad had early onset frontotemporal ddementia. When it got so bad that he couldn't appreciate "things" and had lost the ability to engage in conversation, I made a book of photos of all the things he used to love (animals, scenery, planes, historical figures etc.) that he could just look at and enjoy the photos. It really lit his face up when we sat down and looked through the book together, he pointed at his favourite things and in his own way attempted to say their names out loud. It was very special.

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gibberishnope@reddit

My dad liked nice smells so we bought him soaps ,hand creams ,that sort of thing, but he was into animals so a pet he can stroke ( stuffed toy) was popular

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Agitated_Ad_361@reddit

Ahh man, just read the ‘serious replies only’, had so many good ones.

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prickly_pink_penguin@reddit

Some nice skin cream and posh shower gel would work well. I work in a nursing home and most of them have the generic stuff but the ladies usually love the treaty stuff.

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greenglossygalaxy@reddit

All my gran wanted was a photo album of all her grandchildren and great grandchildren. I was working on a book for her with large enough pictures for her to see them clearly, but she passed away before I was able to order it.

I kick myself once a week for not doing it sooner, I really wish she’d had the chance to see it, even just once. I know she would have cried and smiled at the same time and tried to explain who they were, whilst often thinking it was their parent/her child instead.

Seeing the children especially always grounded her straight away. It’s like she knew she was confused but refused to let the children see it, as she was still a mum and wanted to make sure they were okay.

I miss her so much it that kicking myself once a week is bittersweet as I look forward to thinking about her, even if it’s to feel regret.

I’d ask her what she wants, whether she can answer or not, it might just give you the answer one day. Until then, you being there and your familiar presume is going to be something that gives her immense comfort, even if neither of you know it there and then ♥️

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Affectionate_Ad6864@reddit

We got my grandma a dementia music player - you load music onto it, stuff from her generation or songs you know she loved. My grandma was a big Elvis fan so we did lots of Elvis. Then it’s really simple to use for them, from recollection one button?

Have a look on the dementia society they have them on there, they look like old fashioned radios so something your grandma will likely be familiar with

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grafter83@reddit

A book about the area she grew up in with pictures of it during the time she would have been growing up? My grandad had dementia and enjoyed looking at books full of pictures of Liverpool from when he was a boy

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salutpalladin@reddit

Maybe a plant she can have in her room or have planted in the communal garden if there is one

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salutpalladin@reddit

Maybe a plant she can have in her room or have planted in the communal garden if there is one

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massie_le@reddit

Photo frame

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TemporaryLucky3637@reddit

It’s sad you don’t think it’s worthwhile to get her a gift.

You could still buy her some nice hand cream, posh toiletries or perfume for the carers to put on her? Or some nice and soft nighties, socks, cardigans etc. Just because she’s not aware of it doesn’t mean there’s no reason to do nice things for her that allow her some dignity ☺️

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kifflington@reddit

What would the person she was before tell you to do? Spend time with her and don't fret yourself about it?

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Next-Suit-9579@reddit

I’ve heard twiddle muffs are good for dementia patients, they have a tendency to fiddle and pick at things and these give them a focus to do just that. If you don’t have a crafty person in your life you can buy them in places like Folksy and Etsy.

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ac0rn5@reddit

I’ve heard twiddle muffs are good for dementia patients

We got one of those for my MiL and it was fine whilst we were with her but by the time we next visited she had forgotten what it was, and what it was meant to be used for. Her recall was, at that point, astonishingly short.

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GuineapigsRB@reddit

I made a fidget lap blanket for my mum who had Alzheimer’s and was in a care home. I also gave her some nice handcream and gave her a hand massage and manicure, which she seemed to enjoy.

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Appropriate_Zebra341@reddit

I got my grandad a really soft jumper, he really liked it and I was also quite smart which was a plus!

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crankgirl@reddit

Familiar music is really therapeutic for memory care patients. It can stir very specific memories and conversations. Perhaps you could put together a CD or playlist for your relative that includes their favourites songs?

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foreverlegending@reddit

I work in hospitals with a lot of dementia patients and they will often have a tea and cake party on birthdays. You could supply all the treats and have a nice little party with them and all the other residents

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magicmango2104@reddit

I thought exactly the same. Op said her grandma cant feed herself so food drink was no good. But if she can eat with help get her a nice cake to share and be there to feed her. Time is the best gift imo. Even if grandma wont remember op will.

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mronion82@reddit

People with severe dementia can often connect with the music they loved. This ex ballet dancer with Alzheimer's plugs straight back into Swan Lake like she's never been away-

https://youtu.be/IT_tW3EVDK8?si=RXYGCCO7dNMxMrkW

So if you can find her favourite songs and put them on something accessible- maybe make a playlist- that would be an amazing gift.

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Fuzzy_Albatross_8121@reddit

I find this clip so moving.

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mronion82@reddit

Makes me well up every time. The moment when she strikes that pose, ready to go on... in her mind she's there again.

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TubbyLittleTeaWitch@reddit

Something sensory, like a soft toy or fluffy blanket or something.

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TubbyLittleTeaWitch@reddit

Something sensory, like a soft toy or fluffy blanket or something.

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Fuzzy_Albatross_8121@reddit

How about some CDs with music from her youth, or a selection of music through the years? Studies have shown that music can have a powerful effect on anyone struggling with dementia and can connect them to their past in meaningful ways.

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Vequihellin@reddit

People have already mentioned soft toys/dolls/quilts etc. Does your grandmother have a 'busy mat'? You can get ones appropriate for older people on places like Etsy. They are lap mats with fidget activities that keep hands busy. There is some evidence that they can help with the anxious agitated feeling they get by giving the person something to keep their hands busy.

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sock_cooker@reddit

Spend some time with her. You might not think she knows you, but there's a good chance she'll know who you are to her- the last thing we forget is how people make us feel. Get a cake and have a little party with her so she can hear all of your voices.

Other things she might like are sensory things- nice lip balm, moisturiser, a favourite perfume.

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Snickerty@reddit

https://shop.alzheimers.org.uk/products/precious-petzzz-calico-cat?_pos=3&_sid=6d4e8d161&_ss=r

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Abwettar@reddit

On amazon you can buy a cat soft toy that had a removable vest with fidgets on. So if you like the soft toy idea that might also be good as it'll give her hands something to do.

My MIL has dementia and I got her a cardboard cutout of a dog because she loved animals. She adores looking at it and talking to it. I admit I did get mine from next but you can buy them online lol

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Fizzywaterjones@reddit

A bowl of individually wrapped candy for carers who come into her room. The gift is that she’ll get lots of people popping in on her.

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NoodleDoodlesocks@reddit

Something musical or something that might bring her comfort. Heated blanket or some sort of cosy robe.

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Educational-Angle717@reddit

I've heard theres been lots of studies that suggest music is a great one - so maybe some records.

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dinkidoo7693@reddit

Music from her youth. My friend who works in a carehome always says music cheers up the dementia patients

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Global_Musician3374@reddit

My mum loved a photo album that we put together of photos from her childhood. It was an era she still remembered.

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Prestigious-Brain870@reddit

Stay with me ~ does she have a doll?

I’ve spent a lot of time working in nursing homes and a lot of women love a doll wrapped up in a blanket. They will rock it and talk to it like it’s a real baby. Sometimes they will wrap the baby up again and kiss their forehead. It can give a lot of pleasure to an otherwise mundane day.

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Original-Spray9673@reddit

Heated fleece blankets, you can get bird feeders that you pop on a closed or open window so you can see them feeding up close (if allowed). Anything they are quite attached to you could think of an upgraded version. Socks, under vests, nighties. All that’s really constant is that they will have senses even if they don’t connect them to specific things. Warm, comfortable, safe and loved.

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CicadaSlight7603@reddit

The Alzheimer’s association has a shop with loads of things like those purring breathing cat and dog toys, fiddle blanket, picture books etc

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Academic_Bowl_4643@reddit

Second the cuddly toy idea. Lovely to hold and stroke.

Maybe a bowl with pot pouri? M and S often have nice bags of it.

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BigDayDoodles@reddit

I work with people with dementia. The suggestions of soft cosy socks and scarves/ fleeces are good. Time with you. Even if she doesn't seem to recognise you, the feelings she gets through being with you will be a dopamine hit. Can the care home arrange a U3A singing group to come in? Or a uke group? Music really is amazing for bringing joy.

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Fancy_Surprise_8599@reddit

We bought my Granny two soft dolls that vaguely resembled her and her twin. She loved them and carried them everywhere for months! Her carers were very good and kept them nicely for her.

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loveswimmingpools@reddit

Something soft and squishy she can hold. And cuddle. Maybe put some old time music on for her.

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Inevitable_Bid8719@reddit

It getting something to share with her, the carers, and yourself. Not all carers are equally caring, try to get her some brownie points so the people who see her most often treat her extra nice. A framed picture of you is also great, Ive always wondered if dementia patients can have lucid moments, and Im sure I would appreciate nice pictures if I were in her boots and with it enough to understand the picture sometimes

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destria@reddit

My grandma also has dementia and is in a care home. For a recent birthday, I bought her some soft slippers with a pretty embroidered and sequined pattern on the top and she loves them! She's obsessed with shoes in general but slippers were good because she could put them on herself.

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RafRafRafRaf@reddit

How’s her hearing? Smart speaker and a good playlist could be pretty good…

Blanket always a great shout.

She can’t feed herself but she does still eat… maybe some really bloody nice ice cream or chocolate mousse or something? Check with the home first about safe textures for her… appreciate box of chocs may not work but there are other options to explore.

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Different_Dance_1560@reddit

Or these…

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Blanket-Alzheimer-Patients-Autistic-Dementia/dp/B0D2H87972/ref=asc_df_B0D2H87972?mcid=86c8445e36d2377ea6703f6907940002&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697726306713&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=7345561297136941744&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045872&hvtargid=pla-2315154033539&psc=1&hvocijid=7345561297136941744-B0D2H87972-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

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kentscarhand@reddit

Having lost my own father to dementia I just spent time with him playing his favourite music. Time together is priceless.

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ProfessorYaffle1@reddit

I assume that she has limited space.

I might she enjoy one of these eframes where you can have a slideshow of family photos (possibly make one that includes photos of her parents / siblings / husband / kids from when she was younger, if she remembes bits from longer ago rather than now, as well as current pics? )

When my grandmother was in a nursing home we got her a bird-feeder that attached to the outside of tof her window, she enjoyed seeing the birds coming and going (obvuously you'd need to clear it with the home and make sure that they, or family members, were ableto refill and cleen it reguarly)

I belive that some dementia sufferes like to havbe a doll or stuffed toy to hold, so that might be worth exploring

Otherwise, a visit from you and other members of the family and perhaps cards and balloons - she may not remember / understand exactly who is who or why you are there but may be able to understand he ides of it being her birthday.

A flowering plant if you think she'd like it - agoan, she may not associate it with her borthday but it might be a nicething for her to have in her room.

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Remarkable-Cod8130@reddit

With your grandma being so old and with dementia, experiences are the best thing you can offer. If you can get her outside even just pushing her in a wheelchair, you will at least have that memory

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Different_Dance_1560@reddit

These are great if she is still able to go through a book

https://www.alzproducts.co.uk/decades-reminiscence-book?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=17595493561&utm_content=&utm_term=&matchtype=&adgroup=&device=m&network=x&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17595510202&gbraid=0AAAAADrNgKLxbX6QTGnRMclFH4Wc0jswd&gclid=CjwKCAjwwJzPBhBREiwAJfHRncBcDwhFwngSDVNKMe74tH8YagJQ0DQglPVcOpNQNlB5oyyubBnTcRoCsh4QAvD_BwE

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angelberries@reddit

I see visits from therapy pets to old people, perhaps if she’d like to pet a pony or dog, or small animal…

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Bob_Leves@reddit

Do you have any photos from when she was young? Not just her, but your grandad, her siblings, parents? Scan them and make a photo collage. Either on a big 100th birthday card or in a frame to put in her room. Despite her current stage, she may still recognise within her mind and it could bring her happiness. And even if not, and when she eventually passes, you'll have those as a memory of her.

Source: I did exactly this a few years ago, though she wasn't as far gone as yours.

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legendarymel@reddit

I don’t know your grandma but I gifted mine hand knitted socks for her 90th (she said it was a waste because she won’t live long enough to use them up) and she has been wearing them every day since.

Is your grandma often cold? Maybe a nice blanket would be great or a cardigan? Nice pair of slippers or socks?

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Swimming-Lie5369@reddit

Do you know what her hobbies and interest were like when she was younger? What sort of age she regresses to?

If you can, music from that era or some evocative smells would be great.

Failing that, soft cuddly things. You can buy weighted teddy bears which are good at stress relief and comfort and work very well in care homes.

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