ULPT Request: relocating the joker, the smoker, the midnight toker

Posted by SeasonPositive6771@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 154 comments

Spoiler: piss has already been used.

So there's this unemployed asshole who sits outside my building, in a camp chair, smoking weed at all hours of the day and night. Honestly it wouldn't bother me that bad if he didn't listen to his phone on maximum volume, often singing along or repeating "funny" lines, or replying to the actors as though they can hear him. He's also coughing and gagging the entire time, every time like it's his first time smoking. This dude is so loud I can hear him with the windows closed and earplugs in.

He's usually out there for anywhere from 30 minutes to a record of 4 hours. Usually about an hour and a half. When I say he's always out there, on Sunday he was out there at 7 am, 9:30 am, noon, five, 10, and 1 am.

He's already in the process of being evicted although management says that could take 90 days or longer. 

He used to leave his chair out there until one of my neighbors pissed in it (no piss disc, just straight up peed in it). Now he carries a camp chair out with him. 

I decided to do something about it after that disabled neighbor who is on oxygen and has very frail health told him he really needs to start using headphones and he exploded at her screaming that she's not his dad. He then spent approximately the next 15 to 20 minutes screaming and muttering to himself, mostly insulting her and she's the sweetest lady on earth. Liquid Ass and other smelly products are out because it would blow right into her window.

Whenever anyone else asks him to keep it down, he's screamed at them and has intentionally been louder for the next few days.

The apartment manager says he's not mentally disabled or anything, just a dyed-in-the-wool asshole.

So how can I run this guy off? Or at least get him to smoke in his car or elsewhere on the property?