Which would you rather have (or give to your child)? A private education with a more modest home life, or maxed out junior isa and more extracurriculars? Or a sibling? 😂
Posted by stealroundchimp@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 114 comments
Is a private education worth it or would more extracurriculars make up the gaps when paired with a decent investment account? Which do you think would have helped you more in life?
Those who have experiened this to compare, which would you say benefited your life more?
Welcome to elaborate on any social implications and other considerations as well!
AnonymousTimewaster@reddit
Something people dont seem to be talking about is the level of confidence that private school gives you. That confidence under pressure or in public speaking alone can take you a very very long way.
Optimal-Room-8586@reddit
I went to a private school and this windfall of confidence has certainly passed me by!
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
do you think it's benefited you in general or slightly or would you rather have preferred the other options? or if you had all 3 which helped you in life?
Optimal-Room-8586@reddit
Really hard to say. I was a pretty average student academically but happened to be very good at art. Perhaps I'd done even worse academically at a non private school?
I do think that it actually was a negative thing for my social skills. In hindsight, when I left school I had quite lazy stereotypical attitudes about class, probably not helped by not having mixed with anyone outside of middle class circles. On going to Uni, I reckon I stood out as being a bit naive.
I reckon there's some networking benefits - the old boys network - which could be useful if you happen to work in a financial industry, less so for my creative inclination.
By contrast, out of my two brothers one went to a comp and our of all of us he's by far the most high achieving, career wise.
I'm not going to pretend there's no possible benefit, but I do think there's far more variables than people think.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
thank you for these insights, it's a nuanced perspective with a lot of relatable considerations for me. why the decision for one sibling to go to a different school? i also worry if i have another kid probably not being able to send them both to private if we go down that route
Optimal-Room-8586@reddit
My parents didn't "send me" to a private school. I had a few options: A comp, a grammar school that I'd passed the 11 plus for and the private school where I'd also managed to pass the entrance.
My parents asked me which I wanted to go to and I chose the private school purely because I liked the science labs and art room. I was blissfully unaware of it being fee-paying vs non fee-paying or the difference between private / grammar / comp. And I think it's to my parents' credit that they didn't put any pressure on me to either way.
Out of my brothers, one got a scholarship into a private school and the other went to a local comp. As far as I'm aware, that's where he wanted to go though. He was (and is) very sporty and I think he liked the sports aspect of that school.
I don't think there's any resentment from any of us. But then, my parent's aren't at all academic and so I don't think there was any sense of needing to "do well" for their approval if you see what I mean.
AnonymousTimewaster@reddit
When you say average academically, what sort of grades were you getting out of interest?
Optimal-Room-8586@reddit
At GCSE I got an "A" in art, and then I think B's, C's and E's.
At A-level I got an A in art, I think a B, a C, and an "N" 🫣.
My Dad wasn't too happy about that N. Fortunately for me I was going to art college who only cared about my art grade and portfolio.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
can you elaborate a bit on specific aspects of private school that helped with building confidence? is it more focused attention from teachers due to smaller class sizes, exposure to various activities or something else? sometimes i wonder if there's a subtle class difference here in the uk from private vs public education but it can be a sensitive topic. just trying to gauge if the benefits are more of a skill aspect or cultural aspect if that makes sense
Cod_Proper@reddit
I feel like all of these are good options to be honest.
I can only give my experiences as something you can help make your choice:
I was an only child for 12 years and you miss out on a lot of stuff. My fiancé is an only child, his parents had him in their 40’s and for the last few years they’ve had bad health, so it’s been really stressful for him to deal with “alone” (without other blood family) as he feels like he needs to take it all on himself.
I went to private school from year 7-11 and I can honestly say that it opened up my aspirations a lot. I made high quality friends as well. I feel like if I hadn’t gone to the private school I would likely have fallen into the trap of my county: get married young, have children young etc. I also wish I’d been able to go there for my a levels as I feel like it would have opened more doors for uni or I would have been better informed about other options other than uni, however, my parents didn’t pay for it. I received a full scholarship until year 11. I’m not particularly bright. A*-B at GCSE, but B’s and C’s at A Level.
I’m currently in my 30’s and still renting because I was in a low paid job for years. If I’d had some form of savings from my parents, it would go towards a house. One of my mates is 22, got £15k from his parents at 18 to go towards a mortgage and owned a 2 bed from then on. He’s got a decent amount of equity in it now and is looking for an upgrade already.
I’d consider the state of the world right now, assuming you can choose to have another child even if you wait 2 years for example. Is it possible for you to see how they grow for a bit and save in the meantime? You could send them to private school for the later years where it may be more impactful for example. Keep a balance between the two.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
thank you for this very insightful and detailed response. it's making me think of my situation more specifically which is very helpful. the only child with aging parents aspect is what gives me pause as well but hopefully my child with have his own family unit eventually at least to be there emotionally, but there is still just an aspect that you can't share.
you mentioned private school in later years and ive seen some debate about which can potentially offer the most to a child, with early years possibly helping to establish good habits and values. what's your opinion on early years vs later years private education? was it easy to adjust making the switch?
Cod_Proper@reddit
Honestly I wasn’t sure you’d see this, I’m glad I can help even a little!
I definitely noticed that my friends I made there that had come up through private junior school had a good grasp on how the school worked better than me of course. But even one of my friends that joined the junior school (reception to year 6) in year 6 had made friends and understood the school well.
I joined part way through year 7 so it was a little difficult to make friends at first as cliches had formed, but I ended up with a friendship group of 9 really close friends I’m still in regular contact with today. (I’m 30 this year).
I also struggled a little with moving from quite a badly performing school where you’re spoon fed information and I was one of the brightest,to a school where you’re expected to be able to problem solve straight away, I was definitely mid level and the formality was completely different.
However, i will say that the pastoral care at private schools is incredible. I received a lot of check ins and support and met the head teacher regularly for updates. The smaller classes mean the teacher can actually help you out when needed and has time to give you attention and there are normally more sets to allow for the different needs of pupils. By my second term in year 7 I had adjusted. We had several people join from other state schools throughout my time there and they adjusted quickly as well, usually 3-6 months.
My younger brother has been doing private school for just his a levels and I have seen a major difference in him. He’s more confident, surrounded by peers who want to be there, want to learn, interact with the teachers well etc. He did Montessori junior, then a few state schools for high school, before his a levels in private.
I am personally considering sending my children to private school for their later years. But I will also be looking for a Montessori school or similar for their early years to be honest. If I can afford to put them in private school for the whole time and also save for them too, then I won’t question it to be honest.
Feel free to DM me if you have any other questions or want any more details btw
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
wow really appreciate the detailed reply! im actually looking into montessori at the moment.. your school experience actually sounds similar to mine but i went to a free public school with a gifted program and also ap classes, so had small classes with dedicated curriculum as well. it also had excellent facilities and extracurriculars too. it's just a different set up here so trying to navigate it all with my newborn 😅
Cod_Proper@reddit
No worries, I hope it’s helpful 🥰 you may find places in the uk that have small classes for the more gifted students, but I haven’t seen that in my area yet. My mum was a teacher for 15 years and didn’t see that sort of thing here other than sets for classes (maths mostly for example)
LittleSadRufus@reddit
We had exactly this dilemma. We chose private education after I had some experience working in state education and seeing just how awfully primary schools are funded, how much stress and even depression there is among students around the senior year exams, and how much focus the school puts on maths and literacy (to the exclusion of exploring other things in depth) just to meet Ofsted metrics.
Instead we choose a small independent school that puts a focus on sidelined topics like drama, art and music (but still performs extremely well on academic subjects), and prioritises the child's happiness and confidence. All the children I met are consequently extremely engaging, confident and happy, and doing really well in their subjects.
We went this route as we wanted our child to be happy and stress free, but increasingly I've come to believe that this sort of confidence and resilience is the best start you can give a kid in life. With the rise of AI, they'll probably become even more important differentiators at adult level.
And to add: 95% of her peers are like us. Normal people living in normal houses, making a bit of a sacrifice financially to make it happen. The school is also ethnically diverse and liberal minded. They're not all like this, but you just shop around for the best fit
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
i really appreciate this comment as im so on board with so much of what you've said here. this confidence and resilience is so important and i hope to provide an environment to foster this! sometimes i feel like this anti intellectualism is on the rise and not just anti academics but like there's this sentiment against trying or enjoying a challenge. maybe it's not all doom and gloom tho 😔 you're right too not all schools are like this either so it's gotta be a conscience choice down the line
LittleSadRufus@reddit
How old are yours? If tiny still, a good option is to send them to a nursery at an independent school you think will suit your goals well. They're usually no more expensive than other nurseries and there's no obligation to stay on into reception (often half the kids leave as they were only there for the nursery), but it gives you a perfect opportunity to get to know the school, its ethos and what the older children are like.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
that's a great idea actually! we're just past the newborn stage so hopefully that's enough time to prepare 🥲
fortyfivepointseven@reddit
Easily extracurriculars and cash.
The evidence for private school is pretty scant. The benefits mostly come from having the sort of parent who would consider and be able to fund private school.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
did you do extracurriculars and which did you like or found helpful?
fortyfivepointseven@reddit
I did a lot, gymnastics, public speaking, languages, music and something called "Explorers Club" which was interdisciplinary.
I would say the main thing is about being interested and feeling good doing it. I did quite a few that I didn't actually like and basically just carried on doing because I didn't realise you're supposed to say if you don't enjoy them.
Ultimately the skills you build are relatively unlikely to be actually useful for your career. It's about learning how to learn, developing social skills, and learning to work hard.
I would say just ask what they're interested in and build on that.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
excellent points! my parents also exposed me to a lot of interesting extracurriculars and they were indeed enriching experiences. my child is currently interested in chewing his hands! 🤣 actually he's quite interested in music and "plays" the piano so it's very rewarding watching him explore even at this stage
Own-Jeweler3169@reddit
Probably option 2, or 3 depending on how much spare cash there was. Or if it comes as a surprise (the kid), then I would have the 2nd.
Private education is pretty much for the elite/connections only, the quality of schooling is similar to a grammar school, and I would rather use the money for a full time teacher if required to support them to do their best.
Essentially I dont't feel private school is worth it, perhaps the money can be used for their education or something.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
this thread has got me thinking about other various education options which is good! thank you
Own-Jeweler3169@reddit
You’re welcome, happy to help! I assume you’re in this dilemma, my advice is save the money from private and invest in either of the other 2.
Private school is basically where you get shipped to if your parents cba to care for you and are rich, unless you’re part of the elite, which tbh probably follow the same rule.
So save the outrageous fees, pay a bit more attention to your kid, get them in tutoring if you want, and you will get much more value out your money. Stick the rest into ISA/market for a rainy day.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
attractive balanced options!!
joh153@reddit
100% the middle option. If I’d have had that ISA, it would’ve made buying a house so much easier.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
yes fair point
IndividualCurious322@reddit
Private education is meaningless unless you already come from that sort of background. Your child will largely be outcast for not being able to relate.
LittleSadRufus@reddit
If you're taking Eton maybe, but normal independent schools are largely filled with normal children
IndividualCurious322@reddit
I went to one on a scholarship and the only other "normal children" were ones from other low income areas also on scholarships.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
what type of kids or families were they like then if you remember, and also what types of scholarships and how does my kid get one lol!
IndividualCurious322@reddit
A lot of very affluent people. Not in just the way they dressed outside of lesson times, but their mannerisms and how they acted. There wasn't so much worry about their grades slipping as they knew a career was secured based on who they were and who they knew regardless of outcome. There was never an "OMG my mom will kill me if I don't pass this exam with atleast a C!" moment. For the most part, most were okay, but unless you came from that background, you couldn't really relate so conversations would taper out. We had bullies too of course, but it was less physical (there was hazing and hair shaving) and more psychological. There was one complete psycho (who I've talked about in other posts) but thats another story.
I got there because I came from a disadvantaged area and got extremely good grades. I didn't stay the entire duration though and eventually went back to a mixed sex normal school which I feel was honestly a lot better for me. I did learn Latin and fencing in private education which I definitely wouldnt have at a normal school.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
wow thanks for sharing.. private schools get this type of stereotype sometimes and i guess im hoping to avoid this! glad you got a better experience afterwards tho. i went to a state school and did some fencing but dont recall latin. guess it depends on the school
IndividualCurious322@reddit
The Latin really helped as I have an immense interest in books now as an adult lol
LittleSadRufus@reddit
It probably depends on the school.
IndividualCurious322@reddit
Ofcourse. Some will be a lot more "normal" than others.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
ya from what ive seen mostly working professionals and small biz owner types. i mean there's super elite and famous schools but that's not what im considering aha..
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
that's a worry too, the keeping up! but i seem to see a lot of average type families sending their kids to private school by saving up in other areas so not all full of the ultra rich either.. wonder what the stats are like
Dissidant@reddit
Its siblings, by a country mile. Mine are like best friends.
Our partners all get on as well, which honestly, hearing about some of the horror stories some families experience, is akin to finding a unicorn, or white dog shit 😄
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
i had a positive experience growing up with aunts uncles and cousins, as my parents had good relationships with their siblings! but im an only and my partner's sib doesn't have kids so my kid will not only be an only but also no cousins as well
littletorreira@reddit
My nephew and niece have no cousins. They are 12 and 15 and they have 3 uncles and aunts all nearly or over 40. I do think it's stunted them socially compared to my childhood in a (white) immigrant family, where my grandparents had big family events 4-5 times a year plus Sunday lunch at least twice a month. Where my mum's extended family would get together if anyone visited from back home. I was so surrounded by community and they have their nuclear family and then me and my mum.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
that sounds like a lovely experience with your grandparents! i think this type of big family tend to be rarer now, or so it seems, as i find many people just have 2 so even with extended family won't have those big family dynamics.. don't think i will have more than another anyway so it's between a small family or a tiny family 😔
littletorreira@reddit
Yeah my mum having 30+ cousins really helped. But I had 5 cousins and we used to be very close.
No_Secret2322@reddit
A maxed our junior ISA for sure, next generation are really going to need help getting on the property ladder and I want to make that easier for my kid, private school doesn’t matter to myself as me and my 5 siblings went to state school and we all turned out doing well, we had strict Pakistani parents who accepting nothing BUT good grades and it made us quite hardworking and this was without any tuition or extra curricular activities. So kids can have success being from any school as long as they have the right backing, I hope I can be the best parent for my kid to prep him for the world, and would also like him to have a sibling soon 🙈
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
sometimes i think the sibling dynamic can be so helpful later in life but im so tired with one im worried i can't give as much attention with another? your parents did well! very impressed by bigger families now that i have a kid lol!
No_Secret2322@reddit
I think exactly the same, because right now our sole focus is our only kid and he gets all the attention and then that attention get split when they have another child, but I’ve seen firsthand with my siblings kids that soon enough the kids start entertaining each other quite quickly, which is helpful. Look, kids have too much energy and us adults can’t keep up with that energy, that’s where the siblings coming they both have crackhead energy and can keep up with the playtime 😂 sometimes I see my kid playing alone because I’m too tired to continue playing and feels a bit sad to see him playing alone. Pretty much all of my core childhood memories are with my siblings.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
crackhead energy 🤣 haha you're right tho ultimately parents just can't keep up and the sibs can just play at the same level.. very good point for consideration! thank you for sharing!
FilmFanatic1066@reddit
I haven’t seen or spoken to my sibling in over half a decade so deffo the maxed out isa
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
im an only so always wondered about this dynamic! did you get on more as children?
FilmFanatic1066@reddit
Honestly not really
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
thanks for your insights! do you think your parents tried to get you guys getting along or it was just personality clash etc? i guess family dynamics that work are really great but when they don't it can be very stressful
Fuzzy_Cantaloupe6353@reddit
More extracurriculars and tutoring.
Private schools education isn't really above a state school in my opinion it's more about the opportunities such as the extra curriculars.
Take the 11s plus/entrance exams and get into a good grammar school.
Save the money for when they actually need it.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
good tip! altho ive seen some debate on whether early private education can establish this sense of confidence in learning and exploring. just want to do our best for the kid!
Fuzzy_Cantaloupe6353@reddit
Good teachers, school and class size will do that Some private schools can give you that others are very academic heavy and only have one focus.
If you're kif wants to learn and loves it they will, that starts at home I think.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
yes the culture of the school is quite important! and the home environment can definitely be the greatest factor
Fuzzy_Cantaloupe6353@reddit
Nope.
My daughter attends private school but that's purely because I travel for work and am doing this all alone now and need the boarding aspect.
It's definitely a mine field and a huge decision!
Good luck
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
definitely a huge decision! i just left the newborn stage and it is already weighing on my mind 😔 thank you for your recommendations!
Particular-Scale5644@reddit
Was never privately educated myself but have met a fair few who were - would say they definitely got some privileges and access from the experience (and just as much, if not more so, from having stupidly rich families) but then I'm in the same position they are without any of that. I'd say support and a desire to learn are the two biggest factors wherever you end up.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
what sort of privileges and access would this give someone from an average background? and what would you say really bolstered that desire to learn for you as a child? thank you for your insights 🙂
Particular-Scale5644@reddit
In theory? Networking and a sense of comfort with richer/posher people which you might not get from a state school. In practice? I've heard that being the 'poor kid' in those settings can be deeply alienating and unwelcoming, so how much you end up with contacts is probably debatable.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
i grew up in a different country with less of a class system so had a bit of culture shock with this aspect of the uk tbh! it seems always there underneath the surface so i sometimes wonder how much it can affect someone..
Particular-Scale5644@reddit
It's an interesting one. For most of my life I'd say it hasn't had a massive effect on me because I've generally lived and work in communities similar to the one I come from, whatever privileges or disadvantages come with that I didn't really notice (working, maybe lower middle class). Recently though I've started working with people from far more affluent and middle/upper class backgrounds and I've definitely noticed that I'm an oddity at times. Sometimes positively tbf (the occasional person excited to hear an accent like theirs) but at other times I know I'm on the outside a bit. And I work in higher education, so the class thing is definitely all through that world.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
thank you it is interesting indeed altho i hope to avoid it as a foreigner, with whatever caveats that come with that! i just always feel shocked when i see it though... and it somehow tends to be casually matter of fact if that makes sense. really appreciate you sharing your perspective
HellPigeon1912@reddit
I have a sibling and it never once made my life better and on many occasions made it much worse so discount that one immediately
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
see im an only child so i've always wondered 😅
littletorreira@reddit
Some people will have shit people as siblings. Bad people are often bad siblings. But the average person with a sibling likes them and has fond childhood memories of them. I think the positive outcomes outway the negative ones.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
i tend to think that's true too esp if the parents try to create a collaborative relationship
Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit
Have you got to the point where your parents if they're still around need help? A sibling can be very useful in those situations (but isn't always). I was very grateful in the pandemic that my sister lived near my mum and grandad and could do things I physically couldn't being miles away. Also, niblings. Way better than having your own kids!
Princes_Slayer@reddit
But do you think your sibling feels the same way about you?
Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit
Probably not, but she knows I'll have her kids if something were to happen to her and her husband and that I'd raise them in line with our upbringing, so that's something.
HellPigeon1912@reddit
Yeah, my mother has been disabled since I was a teenager.
My brother still lives with parents so doesn't even support himself, and doesn't do any help around the house
Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit
I bet you worry less because he's there though.
HellPigeon1912@reddit
You would lose that bet
miklovesrum@reddit
I love my sibling so much, I don't know what I'd do without them tbh. Just to add the opposite perspective here.
811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit
We've gone for 'a sibling' but also 'giving our kids plenty of experiences'. When needed, we've paid for tutors.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
very attractive option with flexibility too! thanks for sharing your experience
811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit
We did intentionally chose to stop at 2, even though we thought we'd want more.. you hit a financial wall after 2 - bigger cars/houses needed, holidays need 2 rooms etc. Being outnumbered is very expensive.
We are fortunate our kids also have loads of cousins they are close with.. they've got 9 of them!
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
haha was just thinking the other day the world is designed for a family of 4 😅 close cousins are so great because they are family but they go back home to their own parents lol!
kestrelita@reddit
We're going with only child, modest home life and private school. I'll let you know how it all worked out in 7 years!
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
which aspects of private school does your child like? do you also do other extracurriculars outside of school? also if you're happy sharing, is there a bigger extended family network as well?
kestrelita@reddit
She doesn't start until September - but she seems most excited about the extracurriculars and the food. She does an activity after school pretty much every weekday but we're expecting to review this depending on tiredness, homework and what the school offers. Our families don't live in the same area as us.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
yes i'd love to provide every opportunity but also not overload a kid either.. it's a fine balance! thanks for sharing your experience 😁
BG3restart@reddit
We sent our kids to private school and, as a result, were skint a lot of the time as we hadn't planned to and were from average council house backgrounds ourselves, but it definitely opened doors to them as adults.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
i keep seeing comments like it doesn't matter unless you're already loaded, but that it still opens doors etc. can you elaborate a bit on how it helped your kids? is it more the social connections or the quality of education?
BG3restart@reddit
The social connections are important and the quality of the education was undoubtedly good, it's full on, there's no time for shirking, but it was more about the confidence it fosters. My kids came out of school feeling like they could conquer the world because they were constantly praised and treated like the elite, so they valued their own worth. They were convinced they'd get their first choice uni and when they started looking for jobs after uni, they had no doubt they'd get exactly what they wanted. They still think they're brilliant in their jobs and they do seem to be doing extremely well.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
that's a great outcome thank you for sharing 😄
Optimal_Collection77@reddit
We have neighbours that send both their kids to private school and it's costing them £17500 per kid.
The business unfortunately went under and I overheard them talking that they were in debt to the tune of £100,000!!
Honestly all I see of them is them keeping up with the Jones and trying to show a fancy lifestyle.
It's just not worthwhile
TelephoneOrnery1394@reddit
That’s a really affordable private school
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
yes the worry is having that kind of pressure on the kid
moreidlethanwild@reddit
This is entirely dependant on the child.
I knew siblings where one went to a fee paying public school and the other went to the local comp. It’s was the right choice for each child. Some kids thrive in public school, others do not. An ex of mine was one that did not. Every kid is different, so you can’t make these decisions without knowing the child in question.
JISA is good for all kids and this shouldn’t be instead of the other choices, this should be a given. Even if you can’t max it out, it’s something.
Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit
A JISA isn't good for ALL kids, some would definitely spaff it all up the wall come 18 whereas others would do something sensible with it later in life. If you're willing to roll those dice then fine.
moreidlethanwild@reddit
You don’t have to give it to them at 18.
It’s legally theirs of course but we kept control of our kids ones until they were ready. Youngest got hers at 19 and the oldest not until 23 because all kids are different.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
good points! the plan is to have some sort of jisa but do we max it out now or also save more aggressively for private school 😭 he is just a baby, seems bright at the moment 🤔
Cheeko-chi@reddit
Siblings everytime
DependentRounders934@reddit
Only children miss out on lots of fun sibling shenanigans
Wonderful-Bonus5439@reddit
Honestly, siblings! Im one of 6 and only children made my heart break when I was a kid - I couldn’t imagine anything lonelier than not having my brother and sisters. Im 33 now and my siblings have always been my best friends, no other relationship can compare. My brother died suddenly 3 weeks ago, and he was one of the best people in my life.
Im also a teacher and the best teachers I know wouldn’t work in private schools. I would choose a state-grammar school as the best choice, and small comprehensive schools as a 2nd choice.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
im sorry for your loss ❤️🩹 i have sibling envy as im an only! and my child probably won't have cousins his age either so will be like a double only!
personally i went to a well rated state school with excellent teachers but the local private schools were also excellent so wondered.. seen grammar school mentioned here too. isnt that means tested and if we could potentially afford private we would pay the same anyhow? and what do you think about private primary school as ive read they can really establish good habits early on
Warm-Marsupial8912@reddit
Depends on what the state schools are like locally.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
yes true! we do have some good ones locally too tbf
Cultural_Tank_6947@reddit
My wife and I have chosen private education, no siblings, and a relatively well funded ISA (but not maxed out).
That said, home life is modest compared to our income bracket, not modest compared to the broader UK.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
would you say the value is in the quality of education or the social aspect? if it's more social wouldn't that matter less if the kid say chooses a university in a different location or country down the line?
Cultural_Tank_6947@reddit
For me, it's the teacher ratios that made the difference.
Plus small class sizes means kids are encouraged to do everything. You can't hide at the back in a musical performance. Everyone gets to try every sport, etc.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
yes good points. i think the culture of the school makes a big impact! thank you for sharing your experience
DECKTHEBALLZ@reddit
A maxed out junior SIPP..
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
been meaning to look into this but that's a looong commitment!
Mundane-Topic-8214@reddit
Private school will make more of an average kid than a state school likely would, but if you have a bright one then there's a decent chance of them doing as well at a state school, in which case, they could also be winning at life by having the money to buy a house.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
good point 🤔 he seems bright at 6 months lol!
Ecstatic_Map8697@reddit
My view also! Completely agree with this.
No-Row-9994@reddit
The middle option, definitely. Think how valuable that will be by the time they're 18/21 and need the money, the interest will compound beautifully over time. Private school isn't worth if you'll financially stretch yourself as they'll always feel like you have 'less' than their peers. I've also worked with people from both private and state schools in the same jobs in the real world. A sibling is lovely too but a bigger risk for you as a family and it depends of course if YOU want another child.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
you're right that the second child will be their own person and not just a sibling addon to the first 😅 i guess i mean they will both have a little less each, but more to share... 😂
TelephoneOrnery1394@reddit
We gave ours a sibling. I love my children equally but I occasionally fantasise to how good we could have made life for just one child. No regrets though. The second child is only 2 years old and has already cost us £100k (mostly lost wages) Vs no second child.
stealroundchimp@reddit (OP)
😭
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