Is it disrespectful to leave your friends on a night out because one of them wants a shag?
Posted by DescriptionFuture851@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 33 comments
We have a friend in the group who's always been the "ladies man", even as a late teen. He's a bit of a sex addict, so he doesn't take much convincing.
It's one thing to politely tell your friends that you're leaving early because you have other plans, but not completely disappear without saying a word, simply vanishing between one pub to the next.
It doesn't matter if it's a few pints in the local pub, or day drinking in the nearby city, he always pulls a Houdini.
It's often been a discussing point in my friend group. Personally, I think it's rude, especially because it's pretty much every weekend.
For context, we're all 25-30 year old men.
BillyJoeDubuluw@reddit
I’m not at all trying to “big him up” here because I think that entire attitude towards sex is bad form and I’m not really not a fan of blokes that don’t shut up their conquests, but is there a slight touch of the green eyed monster at play here?
Beyond the fact that in a modern context he should at least vaguely indicate his intentions to bail on the group before simply vanishing I’m not sure what the problem really is…
I don’t think it’s necessarily disrespectful but it is a bit carefree, which is classically quite typical of a single bloke aged 25-30 but does seem to be increasingly frowned upon in younger age groups…
PhilosophyFormer4609@reddit
Tbf if every time you're going out that one person is getting the attention in that regards then I can kinda see why the dislike would start to build up. Also it is just kinda strange and dehumanises the closeness and vulnerability of having sex with a person. If they're able to do that with women then they're sure as hell gonna replace and move on from you just as quickly friend wise.
BillyJoeDubuluw@reddit
I do truthfully sit on the fence with some of your reply… If sex is casual and it’s between consenting parties then I’m not sure it needs coffee, cake and conversation… It ultimately “depends” and casual sex is a choice, just as abstaining for more “substantial encounters” is a choice…
With that all said, going away and “reporting” your conquests is a whole other matter and, as I already said, very bad form in my opinion…
I do suspect the guy is potentially in the wrong friendship group… People change and develop different ideals… He hasn’t necessarily done “anything wrong” but I think his way of doing things has become an ongoing bugbear and is essentially at odds with the rest of the group…
PhilosophyFormer4609@reddit
Im not saying its wrong or right by any means, its just stuff that happens
PhilosophyFormer4609@reddit
Im just going from experience and people watching as i get older. The casual hook up type of people tend to have some crazy horror stories, like getting scabies, STI's, and just generally being uncomftable once the drink wears off the next morning and realising there in a situation they dont like. A good chunk end up with some degree of trauma from it all as they get to their mid 20s. Then theres the social aspect of it, you will inevitably run into some of the people you hooked up with and its incredibly awkward and anxiety inducing if you just wanna forget about it. A decent chunk of them really struggle with commitment both platonically and romantically later on. Ive also been told by friends who slept around alot that they did so because they didn't care of the risks/danger as they were quite depressed and almost suicidal. and sleeping with a new person every week or every other week is a form of validation and risk taking. Such as drugs and self harm etc. All in all my conclusion is its mainly a form of self validation and once they get comftable with themselves and come to terms with whatever happened then that behaviour almost always goes away.
Huge-Brick-3495@reddit
The guy is probably full of shit. If he was actually a top shagger he wouldn't have to leave on short notice, the shagee would instead wait for him.
What you have here is an insecure man whose priorities are impressing his pub friends and sticking it in any hole.
Ok-Blackberry-3534@reddit
I'm, at best, a mid-table shagger, but even I know you have to strike while the iron is hot.
Huge-Brick-3495@reddit
But if you were a top shagger you would at least have time to say bye to your mates...
Ok-Blackberry-3534@reddit
Absolutely not! You go from snogging a girl in an alley behind the pub to "shall we go back to mine". You categorically do not engage in side quests.
Huge-Brick-3495@reddit
Ok, not even a text??? I'm starting to see why you are mid table...
Ok-Blackberry-3534@reddit
With what spare hand?!
The second sentence doesn't make sense. You might be starting to see why I don't have any friends. My dedication to the craft was single-minded.
Huge-Brick-3495@reddit
I must've been out of the game for too long
apotatochucker@reddit
You're being a bit dramatic. Let him do as he wishes
Gary_Garibaldi@reddit
It is rude, but he's also not going to hange
TheShakyHandsMan@reddit
Can confirm. One of my friends from my teenage years is still like this and we’re mid 40s now
Maximum-Bandicoot-13@reddit
The only way this is unacceptable is if he was leaving someone alone. Otherwise each to their own. I often just go home from a night out when I've had enough.
SuuperD@reddit
That's pretty much the only reason you're allowed to disappear.
taskkill-IM@reddit
We use to do that all the time on nights out... if you pulled a bird and then no one had seen you for 20 minutes, we just assumed you went back to yours/hers for a shag and went about our night.
Which-World-6533@reddit
Yep. Then the next morning having a fry up and comparing stories.
Good times...!
taskkill-IM@reddit
Didn't realise how good those times were, just felt like you could take on the world.
cgknight1@reddit
How times have changed - back when I first went out decades ago, we would expect at least one of us to just disappear because they hooked up.
Is the actual problem that the rest of you aren't getting any action?
HellPigeon1912@reddit
That's the thing that jumps out to me here.
One of their friends is consistently going home with a woman every time they go out? That's an absolutely staggering level of success
Ok-Blackberry-3534@reddit
Treat it as a valuable resource/learning opportunity.
burnaaccount3000@reddit
If you are in a group whats the problem?
beejiu@reddit
Any 25-30 year old man would ditch their friends on a night if there was an opportunity for a shag.
jptoc@reddit
If there's a bunch of you just crack on with your night and take the piss. You've got your priorities - night with mates - and he has his. It's fine.
Slothjitzu@reddit
I don’t think I’d be that bothered about it personally.
I guess it’s rude to disappear without telling anyone where you were going, and I’d think he should at least be sending you guys a text to tell you he’s gone off to get laid just so you don’t waste any time looking or waiting for him.
But the act of dipping off to go home with someone isn’t rude in itself. The man is allowed to get laid if he wants and I don’t see the big deal.
Postik123@reddit
Many, many decades ago the only real reason we went out on the lash was to try and pull, so for us this would have been completely normal and acceptable.
Novel-Case6821@reddit
It's a subjective thing really. You think it's rude, so it's rude. Tbh I wouldn't find it hard use if it's just what he does (although as F on a group night out with other F friends, we'd let the group know where/who just for safety etc).
Has anyone in the group ever just said to him, have fun but let us know when you're off so we don't wait/worry?
Truewit_@reddit
Just let him get on with it. You lot are still having the night you planned and he’s just off doing whatever. Doesn’t really affect anything.
Which-World-6533@reddit
If it upsets you then talk to your friend.
Only on Reddit would getting laid be characterised as a "sex addict".
FlaviousTiberius@reddit
I'd legitimately just stop inviting them out. No point if they're not even going to be there most of the time.
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