Local Irving caregivers ,How do you overcome the guilt of taking a break?
Posted by Fun-Engineering3451@reddit | askdfw | View on Reddit | 6 comments
My mom has been living with me for two years, and although I have respite care lined up weekly, I almost never use it. Between her protests and my own feelings of guilt, I usually end up canceling. I realize that skipping these breaks isn't sustainable, but I’m struggling to actually walk out the door. Does anyone have advice on how to stop feeling like a "failure" for taking a few hours for myself?
askdfw-ModTeam@reddit
Your post has been removed because it is not unique to DFW.
DFW Focus required. All posts submitted to /r/askDFW must be Dallas/DFW-centric. Posts on national or state-wide issues must incorporate the local impact. Questions not unique or specific to DFW may be removed. Just because something exists in DFW, doesn't make it DFW specific.
DookieMcDookface@reddit
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Caretaker burnout is real. Please dedicate some time for yourself.
IIttss_MMee@reddit
The rec center in Plano that I go to has Caregiver Support resources: Family Caregiver Support | The Senior Source In Dallas https://share.google/ZhMKy8VjXoUHmJSTC.
Their location is not close to you but their website has resources that may be a good starting point.
NoBuffalo8463@reddit
I had to remind myself that when I was a child, my mom took "breaks" from me. I guarantee if you do not start using respite care, you will break, and then who is going to take care of your mom? (From someone who did many years as a caregiver to two family me6)
Fun-Engineering3451@reddit (OP)
Thanks for this reminder . I have come to notice the more I rest the more I turn up without feeling the burden of just giving up. I know deep down she understands why I do that.
GreatElk9652@reddit
I haven’t been a caretaker for a parent, but as someone who’s caretaken in other ways, my input would be: everything and everyone adapts, even if it seems like they won’t.
She may protest now, but it’s because it’s new and unfamiliar — NOT because it’s wrong, or unloving, or unnatural, or selfish, or anything else you may be feeling — and she’s probably quite rigid and set in her ways. But if you go, she will adapt to you going - especially if it happens frequently and at regular intervals.
So my advice would be to literally force yourself to go, and wait for that adaptation, because it will come. If you can, maybe try to plan it on the same day each week, or at least the same time of day (afternoon at 3pm, or 11am just after lunch, etc). Maybe also try to incorporate some sort of “leaving ritual” (like how people have bedtime rituals/routines, or morning, or coming home from work, etc - something to help with the state transition) that can mentally prepare both of you: for her to have peace and structure, and for you to detach and go enjoy your time.
Good luck 💕 You absolutely deserve to take care of yourself, too.