I was not yet 45 and I'm pretty sure it was my first visit to the superdupermarket after returning from a few years overseas where checkout people only ever said one thing to me: do you want a bag? The checkout Charlie was about 20 and we were making polite conversation and then my ears heard unbidden words, forbidden words, being uttered by a mouth I had once considered my own, "When I was your age..."

I listened to the words with a deep, visceral horror. I fought for control of the vocal chords with whatever demon had possessed my Broca’s area. At the completion of the sentence, the demon's grasp relaxed enough for me to regain control and I clammed up. I paid the bill, thanked the man for his assistance, took my groceries and left as rapidly as I could without wanting to look like I'd nicked something. I sat in my car in silence for a good ten minutes, replaying the moment over and over again like a cassingle that I hadn't tired of yet, as I tried to understand the web of wicked life choices that had brought me to that moment and became my undoing.

It was around that time that I learned of the poorly-attributed, "Triple filter". Before you say something, ask yourself three questions: Is it true, is it good, is it useful? Pausing to make that assessment has been helpful in reducing the amount of negativity I spread (thanks mum) and also in avoiding such gaffes. I have said things like "When I was your age..." since then but only ever as a response to a direct question asking how things were when I was their age. As a bonus, I think it makes me appear a more thoughtful person.

Smile and wave, boys! Two other influential ideas are these: "Comparison is the thief of joy" and "People only really care about themselves", and they're interdependent to some degree.

I think that comparison is what creates "geezer talk" whether it's choking on the price of something, gossiping about other people, wondering WTF is so funny about skibidi, 6-7 or Adam Sandler, or why anyone listens to . What we grew up with is now immutable history and outside of a few specific contexts, talking about it helps no one, not even us. People struggling under the 2026 price of food really don't want to hear about the price in 1985; it's not what affects them. If one can teach one's self to bite on knee-jerk reactions for a few seconds, that should be enough to avoid the temptation completely. Yeah it sucks but whatever, man. Then you have the opportunity to actually listen to that person and be the cool oldie.