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DancingBears88@reddit

With twins it'll be especially tough.

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

My dad was a twin as was his father so theres a high possibility.

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StatementLazy1797@reddit

I’m 40 with 18 month old twins, and another one turning 4 in June. It’s hard. So hard. It fucking sucks a lot of the time, I have full on mental breakdowns weekly.

But goddamn these kids are the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me. Seeing them happy and knowing it’s because I’m giving them a good life is worth every second of the aches and pains and headaches and stress.

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MagsWinchester@reddit

Can I just say: I’m about your age but I fkd around in college and got myself a surprise fetus by graduation. As a 22yo mother, I had boundless physical energy and whimsical optimism (on account of I was basically still a happy silly kid myself). Those early years of parenting were super fun, and I’ll carry them in my heart every day.

HOWEVER: As a reasonably put-together middle ager with 20/20 hindsight, I now recognize a thousand things to’ve been ignorant and harmful parenting practices, despite my best intentions. I did not really understand myself until very late thirties, so I couldn’t’ve processed the pros/cons of my own upbringing. Happily, my child is grown, and she’s super great in spite of being raised by a ding-dong.

Idk, I love reading about later-life moms, because I imagine you all as self-actualized powerhouses, just bursting with healthy boundaries and governing your ducklings with prescient, judicious wisdom.

But even if you aren’t quite like that, I’m here to tell you, as long as they know they have unconditional love, it will all come out in the wash. 💛

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Dark-Empath-@reddit

I remember it well, having a toddler and a baby at 40. It can seem like an eternity of sleeplessness and running around after them constantly. Until it isn’t anymore. Time is such a strange thing as it feels like an eternity in the moment, and then suddenly it’s a distant memory. People will say to cherish the moment while you can , I’m not sure we are capable of that. But you definitely cherish it after the event. It does get easier although each stage brings its own fresh challenges. But you are totally right - it is so worth it. Once they develop their own little personalities and can have conversations, gain their own preferences, quirks, take pride in their achievements, etc. It’s like nothing else. It’s incredibly liberating to finally understand that giving and self-sacrifice is infinitely more rewarding that self-centred self-indulgence. All part of the educational adventure of life 😊

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WhateverLoaf@reddit

The person below is right about twins and the mothers side but if you find out thats the case because it can still happen it would just most likely be identical not fraternal twins since those run in families on the mothers side but the 2 biggest things for us were a whiteboard for changes and feedings (some people thought I was crazy haha).

When you're that tired you will forget as soon as you can squeeze in a nap, who you fed or changed, and it helps you to immediately notice if one is eating less or constipated or whatever because you've still been going through the motions with the other & just general things like nail trims, rashes, who I checked for hair tourniquets etc.

And then the second thing was getting them on the same schedule. Towards the end of the pregnancy they run out of room so one tends to be more active in the day & one at night and that cant work. Then its also easier to keep track of whats going on with who once they're paired and on the same schedule.

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Dashcamkitty@reddit

You'll be fine. I was 41 when my twins were born and quite a few people I know are older parents.

Don't be thinking about how you'll be at milestones as people are not as they were in the 70s, ready for the rocking chair and knitting at 60. And don't think about how much time you have as nobody knows. I know as many people who lost their parents young as have their grandparents still around.

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Dark-Empath-@reddit

This is true. As an only child of older parents, I used to worry as a kid that they would pass away leaving me alone and unable to take care of myself. I’m now middle aged with kids of my own and they are still both very much alive. On the other hand I had classmates who became parents in their teens and died in their forties.

Life doesn’t always follow our expectations, that’s for certain.

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

When this generation gets into the nursing homes its going to be D&D games and lan parties.

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PaleoSpeedwagon@reddit

Can I just go to the nursing home now, then?

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DancingBears88@reddit

Im into it

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TamponBazooka@reddit

I think you missed the joke..

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LatherRinseRage@reddit

If there are no twins in your wife’s family and you aren’t using fertility treatments, the probability of twins is low. Congratulations, enjoy every moment.

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PivotLeft@reddit

I’m not so sure. There are no twins on my side. Husband’s side yes, but that doesn’t matter. First month trying naturally BOOM! Pregnant with twins. Had them just shy of 35. The older you are, your chances of multiples goes up. My identical girls turn 9 next week 🥳

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Jedi_Mind_Chick@reddit

I’ve heard twins skip a generation, so you might!

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BackInTimeForTea@reddit

Twins run on the mother's side, you'll be fine!

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destacadogato@reddit

Honestly, I feel like the sleep thing is kind of a privilege because of people who have homes and spaces with multiple bedrooms. My husband and I are older, and have saved a ton of money and still cannot justify buying a house in this market.So we have to settle for smaller spaces for now. So unfortunately, there's not always bedrooms for the children.Especially when one person works from home.

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shed1@reddit

1) Prioritize efficiency. If you have 4 of something and life would be easier with 8, do it. This is particularly true for things that mom needs (eg, pump stuff).
2) Find someone 6 months behind you in the process, and pass on stuff to them as soon as you don't need it. It piles up fast.

3) Watch out for setting up traditions or routines that are reliant on one person. Or better put, make any routine that you can a rotating routine so that both caregivers participate. This helps avoid burnout and makes it easier if one person has to be gone for work or whatever.

4) Get the baby on a sleep/nap routine and stick to it. It will evolve, of course, and so-called regressions will pop up along the way, but a well-rested baby/toddler is a happy baby/toddler.

5) Get to self-soothing for sleep as soon as you can. We have neighbors that have 10 year olds they still have to sit with every night because they never learned how to get themselves to sleep.

6) The baby merlin sleep suit product line is solid.

I talked a lot about sleep. For good reason.

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future-expat@reddit

Great advice except a word of caution on self soothing- they now discourage this "old" practice to create healthier baseline attachment. Gabor Mate as one example to hear the counter argument.

Also my advice is always to sleep when the baby sleeps. Dont get caught up in getting caught up in these times. Rest. You need it. Congratulations!!

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ILootEverything@reddit

4 is so important because "Sleep while they sleep" is such trite, bullshit, lazy, incomplete advice until you establish a sleep schedule.

Otherwise, they're sleeping for like 30 minutes at a time and your life becomes a Battlestar Galactica episode.

And at a Xennial's "advanced age" that's a special kind of hell.

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DollaStoreKardashian@reddit

Agreed on all counts. But HEAVY on the non-negotiable routines and schedules. We had our now 5 year old during the COVID lockdowns so it was pretty easy to keep a consistent schedule, but we’ve managed to maintain it in the intervening years (with age-appropriate adjustments, obviously) and it’s served us fabulously; especially when compared to friends who haven’t done the same with their similarly aged children.

Kiddo’s lights are out and she’s alone in her room around 8:00 98% of the time and she gets up between 7-7:30 like clockwork. It’s glorious!

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Any-Anybody-4239@reddit

We let our 7 year old sleep in our bedroom for the first 6 months and it's been a battle to keep him in his bed ever since.. our 4 year old never even thinks about sleeping in our bedroom.

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WhateverLoaf@reddit

I never did mostly because I couldnt sleep (I have twins) even when they were babies it was always that light sleep where you're still aware & I couldnt do it.

But one of them would wake up in the middle of the night frequently and come lay in my bed & I let him & the other never did. Or we've had times when they were sick & same story.

They're 8 now & past it but that was about a year ago that he just stopped on his own. And their doctor said this was completely developmentally normal and the important thing is that they feel safe and you still keep the routine.

All kids are different and sometimes even though people dont want to admit it its not the stellar parenting thats working its just the personality of the kid. Im sure he'll get past it, just keep doing what you're doing.

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Revolutionary-Yak-47@reddit

Yes! My nephews are not allowed to sleep on the couch (or fall asleep while adults watch tv). Everyone has their own beds. Its not discussed, its always been that way and they totally accept it as how auntie's house is.

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Torchness9@reddit

This is a great rule. We have also had it. Mattress on the floor, fine! (We’ve called it “family slumber party”).

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DollaStoreKardashian@reddit

Thanks! I think so too 😂 It also easily integrates into the oh-so-important body safety lessons that we apparently have no choice but to start teaching our children the minute they leave the womb.

I like the idea of a family slumber party! I usually just sleep on her trundle bed if she’s sick or whatever, but the family slumber party would be a fabulous solution if we need her room for guest overflow or something!

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TheMidnightHandyman@reddit

All good advice. I will add this: If you have the money, get a Snoo. Absolute lifesaver for the first 6 months.

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the_ballmer_peak@reddit

All solid advice. I'll emphasize that a bedtime routine is paramount. Getting them to get in bed willingly and go to sleep is about the whole process. Bath time, pajamas, tooth-brushing, storytime, etc. by the time you get to, "okay, time to go to sleep" they have to be fully primed. The routine will evolve as they get older.

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AngletonSpareHead@reddit

Also: Sleep begets sleep. A well-rested child with less stress-chemical in their system is more likely to sleep well at night. This means that the “strategy” of skipping a nap to ensure a solid night’s sleep is unwise and actually COUNTERproductive.

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Massive-Spread8083@reddit

Put them to bed at 7 when they are very young. The evenings will be your recovery time. My two are 5 and 9 and they go to bed by 8:00 now and I could not be happier that I have always prioritized sleep for them. The hours before midnight are when they sleep their best. Do not worry about this schedule for the first six weeks. Babies have weird circadian rhythms so getting them outside during the day and establishing a routine once they are about 3 months old is easier done if you don’t worry the first couple of months.

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imhereforthevotes@reddit

Yeah. I see people with three year olds or younger out at 8, 9, 10 and I'm like what do you do with yourselves? Your kid must be fried, and you must be fried.

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CharmingMechanic2473@reddit

So true, less sleep equals inability to wind down and rest.

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Ragnazak@reddit

Can't upvote this enough. Got a 16 month old right now, and she keeps us running all day. But my wife was adamant about setting up a good bedtime routine and I cant thank her enough. At this point, by the time its bedtime, my daughter is basically putting herself in her sleep sack and telling us to put her in her crib. And except for the occasional regression, we get a solid 10-11 hours before we hear from her again. Looking at younger parents with similar aged babies with no routine, i can tell you, it makes all the difference.

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CharmingMechanic2473@reddit

My kids are 15 and 18 and they both STILL follow the bedtime routine established as babies. Snack, wind down time, bath, reading and bed (with white noise). Having this habit in their teens helps so much with academics, warding off depression, and having happy, well adjusted teens.

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BreakMachine7@reddit

Glad to hear this helps as they get older. Similar routine for my kids at 5 and 4.

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indycloud@reddit

Please read up on biologically normal infant sleep, there's a subreddit for it: r/bninfantsleep. Babies cannot self soothe, this a myth and it is biologically impossible for them to do so. The research now shows this is damaging to them. Their nervous systems are wired for external regulation. Please, please do your research on this. Look up the work of Dr James McKenna. Just because your neighbor's kids at 10 years old can't go to sleep on their own does NOT mean they couldn't "self soothe" as babies. Babies cannot self soothe, all they learn is no one will come and they just give up. Sleep schedules for the first 6 months MINIMUM are hard, just let baby sleep when they're tired. Don't over think sleep regressions, just roll with it. I was also older when I had my kids and did none of this sleep training BS and I have great sleepers. At times my kids still need me at night and that's totally fine... they're kids!!

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ralph_deadbeet@reddit

"..just let baby sleep when they're tired." Must be nice.

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itsjakerobb@reddit

My kids both slept easily, well, and consistently by eight weeks. IDK whether they “self soothed,” which you insist is impossible, but one thing I know for sure is that every kid is different.

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shed1@reddit

"As soon as you can" does not equal "when they are a baby."

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Embarrassed_Ad9166@reddit

Exactly. As soon as he was able for us meant around age 5. He could understand the idea of “if I wake up and nothing is wrong, I can lay here until I fall asleep again”. Because, yeah, I had friends who had a mattress in their bedroom floor for their 12 year old.

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Lastpunkofplattsburg@reddit

My kids up late and she sleeps when she’s tired. She sleeps in when she’s tired in the morning. We are however lucky enough where I’m self employed so that takes a lot of burden off having to be in an office at 9am. I’m 43 and my kids 20 months. There’s no set rules. Just love them and roll with it. It’s awesome!

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Excellent-Goal4763@reddit

This. The hardcore sleep training is about parents needing to go to work in the morning, it’s not how babies were raised for the entire rest of human history. There is no reason to let your baby cry for hours until they are so stressed out they are throwing up. Unbelievably, some people thinks that’s ok.

I had mine at 43. I we co-slept for years, and I nursed her to sleep til she was about 3. Now we have a great bedtime routine and we check on her in 8 minutes (up from 5). She’s almost always asleep.

Granted, much of it was possible because I took two years off work.

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shed1@reddit

I didn't talk about letting a baby cry for hours, and the reason I didn't is because that's not what we did and not what I was suggesting. Thanks.

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itsjakerobb@reddit

Corollary to #2: find someone six months ahead of you in the process, and offer to take their stuff when they’re done with it.

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Check_Fluffy@reddit

All good advice, but especially points 4 & 5. I don’t remember if the schedule called is 2, 3, 4? Something like that. But it worked with my kids. You do whatever works and keeps you/them in a routine. Also, sleep training can be demonized but use it right and it will help keep you sane. I didn’t use it to put my kids down at 7 and just let them cry unattended until morning, but it took an hour long rocking, putting down, crying, rocking routine to 10 minutes. More sleep for them, more sanity for me.

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Adventurous_Pin_344@reddit

5 is making me shudder a bit. Fortunately my kid has always been a good nighttime sleeper, and now at 10, bedtime consists of us saying "it's time for bed. Good night," and her heading to her room.

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shed1@reddit

I think the stage that I am calling self-soothing took exactly two nights. We sleep trained and stuck to a very consistent sleep schedule leading up to that point, and I think that made the transition very easy for everyone because she was accustomed to sleeping.

She's 5 now. After we do our bedtime routine, that's pretty much it. She'll call us back in sometimes to turn on a fan or if we forgot to turn on her nightlight or something, but we don't stay in there for more than a few seconds. If she wakes up in the night for any normal reason, she gets herself back to sleep without needing us. There are exceptions, of course, but those are exceedingly rare, expected as part of life, and treated appropriately.

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Adventurous_Pin_344@reddit

Oh, I meant the 10-year-old who couldn't self soothe was making me shudder!

I am with you 110% on the setting a sleep schedule/routine. I also sleep trained. Thrilled it worked for my kid. I would have been a complete nutter had she not learned to sleep well on her own!

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formal_mumu@reddit

Omg this. I had a pump for home, and a pump for work. Plus extra bottles, tubes, etc. extra loveys for self soothing (in case one was misplaced).

Definitely work on helping them sleep. I know every kid is different, but please try.

Set up separate online calendars for kid stuff, household stuff, etc, and be sure you all have access to and use it.

Everything shouldn’t be on one parent, especially if you both work. Scheduling appointments, doing baths, buying clothes/toys, running them here and there, it’s a lot. Share the load.

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Foreign_Fact_3740@reddit

This is so true. I still have a 7 year old in my bed every night.

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denotsmai83@reddit

I was hyper focused on sleep also, and it paid off so much.

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heykatja@reddit

Me too. But then there are the complaints from my SIL about why the kids can’t just nap in the car… 🤷‍♀️

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Torchness9@reddit

I agree with this. I am STILL hyper focused on sleep for my 11 year old and it has really paid off

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Turbulent_Jelly_131@reddit

Baby Merlin is serious magic! Worth its weight in gold.

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heykatja@reddit

No joke about prioritizing sleep. The book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” was so helpful.

Your list is perfect.

I would add: babysitting or childcare of some sort. At 40 you can’t put your own needs on hold the way you can when you are younger. (For example, I have real medical needs now that I didnt when I had my first baby at 31.)

It helps to have reliable babysitter and hopefully a budget to pay for it. I knew I would have a lot of medical stuff so I hired the babysitter to come a certain day of the week so I always had a day free to schedule appointments for me and any of the kids. On the occasion I don’t actually need her, she still comes and I catch up on chores or (gasp) do something I’ve been just wanting to do.

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Titanbeard@reddit

Agreed with all of this. Do NOT cheap out on a rocking chair. Get one you both like that has all the features you both want. You will spend a significant amount of time in it for the next 4 years whether you want to or not. If only one of you wants a foot rest, get a foot rest, etc.
And a big one is help each other out. Take note of when the other is overwhelmed and just do something for that person. Doesn't have to be moving the moon, but it can be as small as when someone wakes up in the middle of the night to feed, ask if they need anything. Shits hard, but helping makes the bond hold.

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ShitJustGotRealAgain@reddit

Can we please bury self - soothing already? Are we that old that we still corroborate old-wife-tale style advice?

It doesn't work. Babies don't self soothe. They just learn that screaming for someone to come doesn't work and they give up. It can be measured through the cortisol levels and both screaming babies and "sleep-trained" babies. The levels are elevated in both cases. That's just heartbreaking and not healthy. Kids learn to go to sleep by routines, not by forcing them to give up calling for their parents.

Did you know that one of the sings for abuse in small children is that they don't cry when they're upset? It's because they experienced pain and unpleasantness when they did. "Crying means the adult will harm me so I don't cry so I won't get harmed for it. " Those children stop crying, but they still have a reason that makes them want to cry. Does that sound familiar to say, self-soothing/ sleep-training?

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shed1@reddit

I didn't say let babies self-soothe. I said when you can, meaning when the child is ready for it. Feel free to make your own list instead of misreading mine.

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DodgeDozer@reddit

Dadditor here, I agree, all good stuff.

Continuing on your well-said sleep themes…. My wife and I took “shifts”. There were certain hours of the day/night when I was either the default (day) or on-call (night) parent. This very important in the beginning so you know when you can just sleep through the initial cry. You set a schedule in the beginning and stick to it. You can rotate hours or days or however you want. Both parents must commit to protecting the other’s peace.

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WheezyGonzalez@reddit

Number 5 is huge. Seriously huge. You thank your past selves later when you’re elementary aged school kid doesn’t need your help falling asleep

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ShowMeYourHappyTrail@reddit

I wish my bosses would put their kids on a solid sleep/nap schedule. They complain about how their kids never sleep well, how they won't sleep in their own beds, and how they are cranky all the time and I'm just like...yeah, that's what happens when you don't teach kids how to put themselves back to sleep and don't have them on a schedule. They have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. You would have thought they would have learned after the first one, but nope. And they won't take any advice about it either. So we were just the ones that have to deal with their screaming, tired kids all day until they got too mobile to be babysat for free while we worked. Now we just have to deal with it on their school breaks instead.

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ScreenSensitive9148@reddit

This is great and practical advice. Should be higher up.

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Dogforsquirrel@reddit

Wow! Just understand that YOU will be tired. Probably more than the baby. There are risks of having children, later in life, that could have cognitive delays. While there are some advantages of having children when you are 48, the challenges of raising a child in a world where your child will learn and understand technology better and faster than you and can keep up with. Along with the fact, your child will grow up ina world where pollution is normal, (eating and breathing micro plastics), food that is overly pumped with antibiotics and other things..and the world politics. I am probably sounding like a negative Nelly and one who lives on a farm and is super organic, I am not. We are about the same age. I have 2 nieces that are early age, I love them deeply, but I am so sorry and dreadful for the world they will live in. Our generation was the best of times. I could not even imagine raising a child in our current world. Fuck, things are expensive and prices will never go back down. I am assuming you are financially ok. But each, to their own.

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ammodramussavannarum@reddit

We had my son (now 6.5 yrs old) when I was 42 and his mom was 39. It’s been amazing, fun, incredibly difficult, frustrating, life changing, etc. I would do anything for my son, and don’t regret it at all.

That said, even though everyone said it, nobody could tell me how much having a kid changed my life. It exposed an unseen rift between my wife and I, and we amicably divorced last year after 21 yrs of happy marriage. I’ve said more times than I can count, “I wish I was 10 yrs younger.”

I’d recommend getting a regular exercise routine and to give up drinking! Also I would highly recommend not going through a global pandemic within the first year of their life.

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AmphoraOfaMphibians@reddit

Glucosamine and Condroitan.

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Tight_Raccoon_2274@reddit

If you are both not in somewhat decent shape now, get that sorted out ASAP

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anonymousopottamus@reddit

You mean 55 right?

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

Ill be 48 this week, shes 48 in june.

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elenchusis@reddit

You might want to get a test from a doctor before you start making plans. Perimenopause (among other things) can cause false positives at "advanced" age.

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clamnaked@reddit

Ummm. How does perimenopause cause false positives on a pregnancy test??

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elenchusis@reddit

Either high FSH, or low levels of hCG can be released by the pituitary gland. It's not especially common, but probably most people in perimenopause probably never take a pregnancy test, so maybe it's more common than we think?

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kamandamd128@reddit

That is wild because I’m 48 and had an unusual dream last night that I was unexpectedly pregnant and was floored as to how that happened. At the risk of being too personal, did you all use IVF or an egg donor? My very close friend did the latter and is a proud mama of a preschooler and toddler at almost 50. She’s exhausted but is the happiest she’s ever been.

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

Ive known her for 15 years, former landlords stepdaughter.

Im taking him to his appointments and groceries as he has alzhimers and finally grew a pair back and took my shot, weve been dating a few months now.

Apparently our first hookup was enough to catch.

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blessitspointedlil@reddit

Oh my…good luck. Consider waiting until after first trimester to broadcast the news. (Chromosomal abnormalities that lead to miscarriage during 1st trimester aren’t uncommon.)

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SarahKL9981@reddit

Exactly ! My cousin who became pregnant and gave birth to a healthy boy in her mid 40s miscarried several times due to chromosomal abnormalities. I just can’t imagine being almost 50 with a newborn.

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travistyle@reddit

😵‍💫 Good luck and my prayers are going out to you. I'm 44 and my daughter is 17. I cannot imagine starting over at this age.

I would recommend checking out a Costco Business center. That's where you can get the industrial packs of energy drinks you're going to be needing.

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refuz04@reddit

Sleep train sleep train sleep train.

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Appropriate-Berry202@reddit

35 when my firstborn came along. Got pregnant about a month after stopping birth control. 38 now and pregnant with spontaneous twins, again about a month after stopping birth control. There are certain factors about aging that can actually make women more fertile.

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Pineapple_Towel@reddit

Mordib, but true.

Acknowledge the risk of miscarriage and your own death.

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RebRenee@reddit

Reading all of these comments, it feels like I’m the only one who’s concerned about the present situation more than what’s to come once the baby is born. I worry about the effects of the pregnancy itself.

I’m a former labor and delivery nurse. All I can think about is how hard that pregnancy will likely be on OP’s partner. We generally see any of a number of comorbidities (preeclampsia, for example) at almost 50 years old. Pregnancy is really hard on the body. It’s inherently risky and gets more so later in life. I just want to make sure that OP and his partner are aware of what they’re presently facing. If all goes well and they end up with a healthy mom and baby, that’s fantastic, but I hope they don’t forget to look at what is happening NOW!

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robotropolis@reddit

IKEA sniglar crib - baby in crib right beside mom’s side of the bed is probably the safest cosleeping arrangement where baby and mom can see, hear and touch each other. And baby won’t be chewing paint when it starts gnawing the top rail.

Getting outside in all weather is a huge life hack with toddlers especially. They are 1000x more bearable outside. But even as a newborn my kid went for loooong walks every day through the winter with a warm stroller cover.

Speaking of which, my kid loved sleeping in the stroller and I’ll always regret not getting him a bassinet stroller. It would have made baby nap time soooooo much better as you’re not really supposed to leave them sleep in a car seat or regular stroller when very young.

Mom and dad splitting parental leave (each six months) made sure we really were equal parents and that mom wasn’t the expert or default parent.

No harm in putting baby down and walking away if you need a moment. Or wearing ear protection. They’ll tell you to not shake the baby in the hospital and you’re like “a duh” and you never will but around hour three of crying - you still will never ever shake the baby but you might need to put the baby down for a couple of minutes just to make sure.

Beware of screen time and set limits early. Stay away from youtube as it’s murder on the attention span, or at least do YouTube kids with ONLY channels you pre-approve.

I can only echo that the happiest parents I see seemed to do some kind of sleep routine or training with their kids. My kid really responded well to a sleep routine and remains a champion sleeper, although we did have to call in a sleep trainer when things went to shit around 4 years old. She was a miracle worker though.

Finally, crucial advice for all newborn parents - the baby cannot fall off the floor. The baby can and will fall off a bed, or a couch, or a chair, or the dining room table. Even a dusty floor is better than a fall. And act as if every baby, no matter how young, will actively try to roll onto the floor if you are not touching that baby.

That said, a change table at parent height is a huge back saver…as long as you keep a hand on that baby.

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the_girl_racer@reddit

Start an at home workout regiment. As a mom in her 40s, your back will not be kind to you. Lots of bending over, etc. The worst thing ever is throwing out your back and still having to pick up a wee one.

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

I should have specified when posting but i wasn't thinking, im the dad.

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SleepDeprivedMama@reddit

Agreeing with this working out thing as a person who hates exercise. Like make it a major part of life. I should have done this differently

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thisisredrocks@reddit

Really doesn’t change things. Gym starts today or tomorrow, 3+ days. Personal Trainer for a few sessions even better, tell them you have a child coming.

Once the baby pops out you’re essentially in chase mode for the next two years. Get a head start now.

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THEsuziesunshine@reddit

Im a 84 baby but opposite of you - my kiddo is turning 20 this year.

Find free events to do. The park, the library's storytime, or parades. Being in a good place financially doesn't mean you cant show how to be frugal and spend savy and still have a good time.

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robotropolis@reddit

Sleep is great, we hired a gentle sleep trainer person when bedtimes got unbearable around 3 years old. Honestly everyone was less stressed including the kid, being up for hours distressed wasn’t doing him any favours.

The best thing we did personally (imo) was split parental leave. It made it so neither of us was the expert or the default parent. I (mom) took first six mos and dad took the last six. These days in Canada we can do up to 18mos and that would have been perfect.

I was 38 and dad was 40 when our kid was born. We had been trying for years. The lack of sleep nearly killed me in a way I don’t think it would have ten years earlier. I had to stop drinking completely because a depressant on top of chronic sleep deprivation was ridiculously horrible.

As an older parent I wish I had kept up my fitness better. That’s my regret as I could use the energy now to keep up with my kid. But regardless we do, and always have done, a lot of outdoor time. Getting outdoors in all weather is a huge life hack. It helps you and your kid build adventure and risk tolerance into your lives. Toddlers are 1000 times more bearable outside. Even earlier, I got a warm cover for the stroller and walked my newborn for hours all winter long.

Finally - a piece of advice that stayed with me and I pass along to you: babies can’t fall off the floor. They’re safer on the floor than on your bed. Or the couch. Or an armchair. Maybe the baby is crying and you need a minute to compose yourself - baby can be safe on the floor while you take a minute. Maybe it’s a midnight feed and you’re nodding off …. Baby is way safer on the floor or in the crib than perched with you on a cushy recliner. I think almost every baby has taken a fall from moderate height and almost every one of them was fine but…they can’t fall off the floor.

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Charliemac4242@reddit

My husband is an older dad. We had our second child when he was 49 and is 55 now. I’m still in my early 40s. He definitely doesn’t have as much energy as he did when we were younger but for what it’s worth i think us being older has made us better parents over all. More patience, maturity, and life experience.

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AbbreviationsBorn276@reddit

Good luck buddy. It was the best and worst time of ny life. Had my youngest at 42. Started late with first one at 35.

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ScrotusSpunkmeyer@reddit

84 here. I have a 2 year old. My knees and back are miserable, but my soul couldn't be happier. Keep up cardio, lower back, and diet. Be prepared to meet parents that are young enough to be your child.

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Technical_Button7095@reddit

This made me lol bc I was 43 when my first/only was born. I'm 49 with a 6 yr old- But I agree with all of this (it's my hips instead of back) but all the rest is 💯 1977......

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WarhammerRyan@reddit

Lol, 84 birth year, not gave birth at 82 years old...

Scared me for a sec

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seanymphcalypso@reddit

Al Pacino is 85 and has a 2 year old.

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RVAforthewin@reddit

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realoctopod@reddit

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And a great ass.

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kalitarios@reddit

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TheGirlwThePinkHair@reddit

He is not doing any of the work if hating a 2 year old.

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Chawp@reddit

Say hello to my little frien. No really his name is Roman.

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Appropriate-Neck-585@reddit

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high_everyone@reddit

Anyone who calls it that name in this day and age should not still be making babies.

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Canacarirose@reddit

DeNiro also had a kid recently!

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genesimmonstongue415@reddit

So what?

He is a good guy.

But a decamillionaire has absolutely nothing in common with 99% of citizens.

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drinkslinger1974@reddit

He’s been screwed over multiple times in his career. He only made something obscenely minimal, like $25,000, for the first godfather, his manager robbed him blind and got away with it, which is why he did that Adam Sandler movie. He’s not starving by any means, but there’s a reason he still works.

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Into-the-stream@reddit

Al Pacino isn’t the one doing the 3:00am feedings. Anyone can have a kid if you hire someone else to do everything for you.

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WarhammerRyan@reddit

He didnt birth it

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Acceptingoptimist@reddit

Thank you. I was like WHAAAAATTTT???

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The_Fat_Controller@reddit

Yeah I enjoyed the thought of an 84 year old with ScrotusSpunkmeyer as their Reddit handle.

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lakebistcho@reddit

😂😂😂 I totally thought 84 years old.

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TheRandCorp@reddit

Are you me?

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Exciting-Argument-67@reddit

PSA to all Xennials: if you leave off the 19- in your birth year, just throw a lil' apostrophe in front of the other numbers (not after). The apostrophe indicates that a letter or number has been left out, as in "it's" for "it is."
So we're '84, '82, '77, etc.

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jocundry@reddit

(I'm tired and I thought your age was 84 and I was extremely confused about how an 84 year old could have a 2 year old lol)

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valuethempaths@reddit

Hello fellow Xennials.

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Usual_Confection6091@reddit

I’m not tired and I thought the same

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TheFeshy@reddit

Well with his username it seems possible.

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throwaweigh1245@reddit

85 with a 1.5 year old. Feel like most my kids friends are similar aged now a days.

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thelostewok@reddit

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Active_Yellow_1573@reddit

I'll be 60 when my twins are 16. The only piece of advise I'd give is, if you get angry frustrated when the kid/s are babies, it best to let them cry in the crib and fir you to shut the door and to take a moment to compose yourself. My mother in law told me this, and it was sound advice. I only needed to do it a couple of times, and I dont think, hope, I would do anything in those moments of frustration, but it was best to take a breather rather than chance it. Outside of that, every kid is different. Our oldest lulled us into a false sense that we knew what we were doing. We had to change the playbook with our twins, and even they need their own separate playbook. Take the time to learn who they are and they'll let you know what you need to do.

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flossiedaisy424@reddit

So, I was born when my dad was 35, which isn’t crazy old for a first child now, but absolutely was back in the 70’s. My sister was born 2.5 years later. Unlike a lot of friends, I had stable, financially secure parents who were able to provide me with a lot of resources.
And now, as I turn 49 this week, my dad is still kicking at 84. He even still golfs at least once a week. And, my sister had her kids very late as well (37 and 41) and my dad has so far had a good 8 years to enjoy them. So, ignore everyone who says you are destined to not get to enjoy a full life with your children and grandchildren. As long as you take care of your health, you probably will.

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FethB@reddit

I gave birth to my daughter when I was almost 43 and she was my one and only pregnancy ever. It was a very smooth pregnancy and C-section birth. I am so glad that I got to enjoy a couple of decades of adulthood before becoming a mother, including a career change that enabled me to save a bunch of money before leaving the workforce to be a full-time mom while my husband continues to work. Parenting a toddler during perimenopause is difficult but I have no regrets.

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AdComprehensive7939@reddit

All the routine stuff is legit, through baby times and into childhood. Also having a schedule up on the wall for them is great (even pre reading.) It really helps at bedtime.

These tips are for a few years from now. Ours is six, super high energy and has behaviors if bored (pretty normal.) Slowly get them into weekly activities and classes in the tot years. We have been doing two or three weekly activities for a few years; right now it's scouts and swim lessons. This year we added a daily afterschool program for a few hours, basically daycare. Our schedule doesn't demand it, but ours is an only with no family peers and having that regular time with other kids has helped a lot w character and social development. They have a lot of free play and outside time too, which helps burn off that excess energy. Last year we'd spend hours at playdates and the park after school and this is just way less effort for us and is having such a positive impact on our kiddo. Generally, the busier they are, the less behaviors. That's at home, too. Keep toys and crafts at the ready to redirect. Try to avoid over stimulating media and screen time in general when they are little. There is plenty of good stuff out there when the time comes. Tons of great kids music too, shout-out to Caspar Babypants (Chris Bellew of Presidents of the United States of America.)

I like being a more mature parent, fwiw. Two and a half to three and a half was rough though, lol. I do not miss the constant vigilance and sore arms. They're cute, but pace yourself and don't be afraid to crowdsource and enlist help!

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EveryChemistry9163@reddit

Are you exceptionally fertile or is this a surrogacy thing? Or am I poor at mental math?

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Waiting2Sneeze@reddit

I’m 46 and my baby is 10 weeks, I find it absolutely amazing. I did quit drinking to try and help be a better father. I also stretch regularly now.

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genesimmonstongue415@reddit

I but in freedom of choice. Do what ya want.

I also believe that people are allowed to have opinions... so ya... this seems insane.

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TheEggplantRunner@reddit

Reddit hates when people dissent on these posts.

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genesimmonstongue415@reddit

They don't like it when I say it in person, either.

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Robbbylight@reddit

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impliedapathy@reddit

Not to be doomy and gloomy but spend as much quality time with them as you can. As a child of parents that were 40+ when I was a baby, I felt robbed of time. Lost mom before I was 21. Dad, before I was 30. Time and effort are always what’s remembered.

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eastwest413@reddit

I see comments like this a lot on similar posts. I think the idea is wholesome, I just think it assumes young parents are as good as yours seem to have been. Is it better to have older parents who were great but unfortunately we’re not able to stay around as much or young parents who raise you like an obligation and hardly ever stay in touch or be present for the life events yours missed?

My parents had me in their 20s and it felt more like getting to a finish line when I turned 18 than excitement to be part of my adult life. Now I’m older, have a kid of my own and my dad still makes excuses for not yet meeting her at 6 months old even though he’s retired. It’s not always robbery when you feel like you don’t matter.

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Remarkable_Kiwi_4096@reddit

shit parents are shit parents, good parents are good parents.

but good parents who die when you're 25 versus when you're 45 make a big difference to your life.

i'm so thankful that my good parents had me in their mid 20s, and that i was in a place to have kids in my mid 20s, because we've just all had so much more time together and i'll be in a much better position to help them out with their elder years. my spouse's parents are a solid decade older (also good parents) and there's already an appreciable difference in how much they can do and how much help they need.

obviously, have kids when it works for you, but people do play a little too fast and loose with the basic laws of aging, and a lot of people aren't taking particularly good care of themselves either. if you're having kids in your 40s you need to be extra conscious of what kind of shape you'll be in by 65, because your college aged kid will be dealing with it.

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memyselfandmaitri@reddit

For many of us having our children later in life wasn't a choice, it's just the way it happened. For me it was for a number of reasons, including mental health and addiction recovery, not meeting my husband until I was in my early thirties, and then fertility hurdles. I do feel sad at times that I won't be in my kids' lives for as long as younger parents, but I am just so grateful to have my babies. I am a big believer that quality of time together matters more than quantity.

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impliedapathy@reddit

Shit parents are shit parents at any age

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M_V_Agrippa@reddit

As a counter argument, my parents had me when they were 20. They weren't ready to be parents and therefore didn't bother. It had huge negative effects on my life, and I barely have a relationship with either of them. I'd much rather have two caring parents who died already.

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memyselfandmaitri@reddit

Good point. I think it comes down to the quality of time spent together, not the quantity.

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Trad_CatMama@reddit

Not an age factor but emotional maturity. My mother had her youngest at 40 is still makes bad decisions parenting into her 50s....

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impliedapathy@reddit

Age doesn’t always mean more stability either. Sometimes people are just shitty parents.

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damselbee@reddit

Exactly, I had my first daughter a week before I turned 20, and it was a struggle but I gave her the best life I could. It pains my heart to know some people assume young parents can’t be good parents. Even at a young age I understood that being a parent came with important responsibilities and it wasn’t the child’s fault for being here.

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thedaveness@reddit

Yeah, 85 and had my first at 21. I was an only kid with an already broken family so I kinda felt the rush to build my own quickly. That was indeed selfish and we were in no way prepared but that never stopped me from trying to be better. But holy hell I couldn’t imagine doing everything I’m doing right now (oldest is 20) while I was 60 lol.

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everybodys_lost@reddit

On the flip side, me and my best friend both lost our dads when we were 12-14 years old. Both of our dads were in their early 40s...

Meanwhile both my grandmother's were in their mid 40s when they had my parents- and both grandmothers and one grandfather lived to their mid to late 80s...

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Remarkable_Kiwi_4096@reddit

there are always outliers. my best friend died at 43 and left behind a toddler and a 6 yo.

but you are much more likely to die at 70 than at 40.

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Crafty-Judge-896@reddit

I get this pov for sure but people can die at any point so obviously this advice should apply to all parents not just older parents. It’s not fair to add this too their already heavy plate of fear when again we can die at any point.

For context: my mom died and left me an orphan a week after I turned 24. She was only 56. Life happens just try and live it and enjoy it while you can every day!💕

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aenflex@reddit

Right? And how much energy are 50 year old parents going to have for a 7 year old? I had my kid at 35 and it’s tough.

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walter_grimsley@reddit

This is what scares me. I don’t want my daughter to reach young adulthood and be saddled with caring for two decrepit senior citizens. It’s a legit concern, and things happen no matter how much you take care of yourself.

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ScreenSensitive9148@reddit

Nobody should have to care for decrepit senior citizens at any age. As I like to say: Children are not a retirement plan.

Plan for your elder care independently of children, no matter when you have them.

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walter_grimsley@reddit

The boomers absolutely needed this advice in my experience.

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blixxic@reddit

Another counter argument is that my parents were 36 & 42 when they had me and they're still alive and well, in their 80s. Anyone can lose their parents at any age, so I think your advice of spending as much quality time with your kids should be universal.

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cibolaburns@reddit

There is so much illness and danger in the world - you never know when your time will be up or what blow will be dealt.

Live your life and find your joy on the path - I had my kids later (39 and 41) and they’re exhausting but I laugh and smile and feel true joy daily and revel in it.

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Littlewing1307@reddit

Exactly!!

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dks64@reddit

I completely understand where you are coming from, but I also know a lot of people who lost their parents young and they had them young. My best friend lost her Mom when she was a preteen (to cancer), her Mom was in her 30s. My coworker's Mom died at 42 of breast cancer. I also know someone whose 5 month old daughter died of SIDS. Time isn't guaranteed.

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Fabulous-South-9551@reddit

My dad was 45 when I was born. He turns 90 this year. I have quite a few friends, some even younger than me, that have lost their dad. I know the inevitable is around the corner but I don’t feel robbed. I’m sorry you experienced this but I just wanted to show OP that they still have plenty of time left to be in their children’s lives.

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Allrojin@reddit

Yep. Lost both of mine by 18, it's been a lonely life.

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Designer-Bid-3155@reddit

I always think this with older parents. They miss their adult children's milestones and are not there for their kids long into their lives. I'm 48 and my parents are in their 80s, I feel sad for people who don't have their parents long

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Littlewing1307@reddit

I mean I'm 38 and my parents are 73 and 80. I just feel grateful they had me, have been amazing parents and I have whatever time with them that I do. I know so many people who had young parents and they're already dead. It's really a crapshoot.

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impliedapathy@reddit

Ngl 21 was a real rough birthday. Still miss mom. It never goes away.

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idobi@reddit

40 is the new 30

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nuskit@reddit

I do think of this. I have a guy I met at my old job who's currently 25. His mom is currently 71 & ill, his dad died at 58, when my coworker was only 9 years old. They didn't have substantial life insurance or any trusts set up, so his mom really struggled.

He's a great kid, but he's really looking for a "dad", so when he found out my husband goes to the same gym, he kinda looks up to him, (and now me) a bit as a pseudo-parental unit. His mom has since called me and invited us over, said she's happy that he son will have someone to watch him when she's gone. And I don't know how all this happened, because we're a childfree couple, yet we've somehow ended up with a fake kid and an old co-parent(?). Like, I don't even know what to call this situation. I'm not wildly comfortable with it, but it is what it is.

I just really see them struggle as young adults when they have to navigate the world alone. Especially in a time like this, where people are often still children reliant on their mom & dad into their mid-20s.

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dorky2@reddit

Yeah, my husband was 22 when his dad died. His dad was in his 40s when he was born. 20 years older than my parents were when I was born.

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regionalfirm@reddit

Stretch, like daily

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gutbutt-or-guthole@reddit

I'm an '82er and husband is '79 and we had a suprise baby in January. We are experienced parents though with older kids. This baby has been just like the babies I had in my 20s and 30s. The only notable difference is I am much calmer and rarely find myself frustrated even when she is screaming murder at 3am for no apparent reason. That might be because I've done this so many times or it might just be that cooler heads prevail as we age. Babies really don't need much... a safe space to sleep, a few sets of cheap clothing (they will either shit stain or grow out of everything FAST), diapers/wipes, and a food source. They grow and change super fast the first year and most of the things you buy will be either wasted completely or lightly used.

Pregnancy can be scary at this age! Be prepared for some level of intervention no matter how healthy you are. Find a doctor that you respect and respect what they tell you! Good luck!!!

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FancyOctopodes@reddit

Had my first last year when we were both 40. She’s turning 1 next weekend and we’re officially trying for number 2 now, best case scenario we have them at 42.

I genuinely love being an old new mom. I have nothing to compare it to, so I can’t say I’m more tired than I was when I was when I was younger, but I feel so mentally strong and emotionally mature now. Plus our careers are stable and we have enough money. The heaviest part for me is seeing how old my parents are and realizing there is very little chance they’ll see my kids through high school. Doing everything I can to soak up these golden years with my baby and my parents, while they are still active and healthy.

I am terrified of what it will be like to be raising a teenager and taking care of my elderly parents though.

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Paliag@reddit

I had mine at 38 and 40, and it’s honestly great. I think they keep me feeling younger.

I couldn’t imagine having children in my 20s. I’m so much more financially stable and mentally grounded now in my 40s.

Congrats, it’ll be great!

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Invulio@reddit

Very similar age when I had mine. I was an immature alcoholic all the way through my early 30’s. Thank god it worked out the way it did, honestly.

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memyselfandmaitri@reddit

Yup, same here! Let's just say my life path was quite bumpy up until I really took my recovery seriously in my early thirties. I needed to do some work on myself before bringing another life into my world. I got a late start, but I'm grateful it all happened the way it did.

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bp3dots@reddit

I couldn’t imagine having children in my 20s.

I imagine in my 20s would have been better for me (more energy, definitely could have used a reason to be more focused, have more time with the kid as an adult). But 40s definitely better for the kid.

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quietCherub@reddit

You know, that’s a good way of putting it. I had my daughter at 36, she’s 6 now. I feel old sometimes but life is way better for her than if I had a kid in my 20s. That would have been a MESS lol. I think her dealing with having the “old parents” will be made up for in stability (although she may not realize, but I will).

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Adventurous_Pin_344@reddit

But you're not even an old parent! You had your kid in your thirties!

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quietCherub@reddit

I mean there are a lot more parents younger than me than there are my age or older.

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Adventurous_Pin_344@reddit

Just out of curiosity, where do you live??

I think it really varies by location. I live in an expensive neighborhood in Denver, and all the moms of kids in my daughter's 4th grade, public school class are Xennial peers My kiddo is in 4th grade.

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quietCherub@reddit

I’m in Maryland, suburbs. There are some “older” parents but we are definitely in the minority, and most of them have other older kids, so the kid my age is their last.

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LimeSalty4092@reddit

I had my first at 19 back in 1999. I was less mature of course, but in the other hand I was much less neurotic and just rolled with the punches as far as eating and sleep schedules.

I breastfed fed for 16 months, but I never pumped or spent time fretting about quantifying intake ounces or calculating wake windows

She was a big kid who tripled her birth weight in the first year

I see the modern culture of infant care is much more interventionist, parent-centered, and framed around worry/neuroticism that something is always ‘wrong’

Just my 2 cents having raised a child back then I was young

and there was a lot less pressure and worry in my experience.

I let her sleep when she was tired. Let her stay awake when she didn’t seem tired.

Fed her regular meals, but didn’t fret over how much she was eating, or urge her to eat more.

I figured if she stopped eating or rejected a food, she wasn’t hungry. I didn’t panic and rush to give her a pediasure.

It was a child led, somewhat laissez faire approach, compared to modern parenting mores and standards

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Adventurous_Pin_344@reddit

I'm jealous of your experience! That sounds far more relaxed than it is now... Or even than it was 10 years ago when I had a baby!

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wildplums@reddit

This! I had young parents and I’m an “older” parent and wish my parents had been.

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radkitten@reddit

I had mine at 39 and 41 and totally agree. It was a loooooong hard road to get here but it was so worth it and I’m a better parent than I would have been younger.

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widefree@reddit

Same here! They keep us young :)

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BaconPancakes_77@reddit

I had mine at the same ages! OP, in general I'm absolutely thrilled about parenting and feel really lucky we managed to have 2 kids just under the wire.

I thought the age difference between me and the other school parents might be a thing, but A. I'm not the only old mom, and B. It's no more of an obstacle than my regular social awkwardness, lol.

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KaleidoscopeParty730@reddit

If anything, the age difference can go the other way. I had my kids at 27 and 28 and have often been the young mom in social situations.

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likesblackcoffeebest@reddit

This. I was 26 when my oldest started Kindergarten and people thought I was her au pair because by then I was in grad school and living in a place where no one even thought about babies until they were nearly 40.

My youngest was born when I was 29, I'm 44 now and he's in high school. It'd kind of evened out. Most of the parents are still 10 years older than I am but it's not as noticeable now that I'm not young young.

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Local_Use4891@reddit

Same for me— I was late 20s/ early 30s when my kids were in preschool, and I felt very out of place with the older, more sophisticated and put-together and wealthier moms of the other preschoolers.

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Human-Put-6613@reddit

Same here. 38 and 40. Where we live it’s not that common to be an “older” mom, so I feel a little isolated at times. That being said, my kids are loved, we’re financially solid, I have so much more experience as a person and parent, and I’m giving them the childhood I always hoped I’d be able to provide.

It does take a harsher toll on the body (in my experience), but pregnancy’s never a walk in the park even when you’re younger.

Best of luck!

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Fantastic_Celery_136@reddit

This

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nhorning@reddit

Just had mine at 45. Agreed on the financial stability. Also don't really feel like I'm giving up my life to be with this kid. Like, where am I going to be on a Friday night now? The club?

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hangryvegan@reddit

38 and 41 for me (woman) and I honestly don’t know any different and everyone is exhausted no matter when they had kids, so no big deal.

I also didn’t get married until 35 which was a factor. Prior to marriage, I had all the fun and travel I wanted, got a masters degree, etc, so I definitely don’t feel like I missed out on anything.

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PickledPepa@reddit

39 and 41. Youngest is 7 weeks old. It's a bit of a struggle for us, but I keep telling myself that the worst of it will pass and try to enjoy all of the best of it.

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blixxic@reddit

36 and 40 for me. It's going great! I definitely feel a little alien compared to a lot of the other parents because they're 10-20 years younger, but I've purposely tried to make friends with the older-looking ones and that has helped.

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swaggering_yak@reddit

I had my son at 38 and it’s the best. I am so much more chill and present now parenting in my 40s than I ever would have been earlier in life.

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Affectionate_Roof777@reddit

Most 40 something’s I know aren’t even financially stable but decided it’s now or never. I was screwed financially but decided it was time. Very scary but I prioritize my daughter of course. I’m actually much better at saving my money now. Changed me a lot

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metalchode@reddit

I had my first at 41. I love being an old mom. I’m more patient. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on things like my friends that had kids at 20. We are financially stable. Yes I am exhausted, but everyone with a toddler is.

Kids keep you young!

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Realistic-Changes@reddit

My son was born when I was 44 and my husband was 60. I found a provider that didn't automatically treat me as high risk due to my age, which worked out because I never became high risk. I had a very uneventful pregnancy, delivered naturally at 41 weeks and healed fairly well. The combination of postpartum and perimenopause hasn't been fantastic, and I feel like my body didn't come back into shape as well as some younger women. My eyesight got a little poorer and my hair loss didn't completely reverse itself.

It's tiring, but both of my parents are retired so they are able to help. They live 10 minutes away, which is great. I try to make sure they get as much time as possible because they are both in their 70s. My husband's parents are both passed.

Our son is almost 2 now and healthy and happy. I am scared for what life will be like in 10 years when my husband is in his 70s, my parents are late 80s and our son is in middle school. I am trying to financially plan for the struggles that may bring.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't change a thing. There are positives and negatives to every situation, but I am happy with my life and my family.

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Chi_Nap_King@reddit

The best advice I can give you is stay as healthy and as active as possible. A 46 year old in 2026 doesn't look like Archie Bunker did at 46, so don't trip about being 65 with a 15 year old.

A lot of Xennials complain about body parts hurting and cracking at 40, and that's bullshit. You'll be as young as you feel regardless of your age... take care of your body, your skin, your mind. HEALTHY AND ACTIVE are the major keys

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SarahCannah@reddit

36 and 41 with my two. I’m the mom. They are teenagers now. I’m so much better a parent than I would have been when I was younger and it has been a joyful experience in general. I do feel sad imagining not having the most time possible with them. But the future is not set for anyone. All parents are tired. Congratulations!

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Mabus51@reddit

Good luck

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IcyAddress4074@reddit

I am now 42 years old and I’ve got a 10-year-old. This is not the easy path, but it is a doable path.

You know more about yourself now and world lower for having an easier time taken care of a child, but you also have to take care of a child

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rustyoldlemon@reddit

So you had your kid when you were 32? In what world is that "starting late?"

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IcyAddress4074@reddit

Because 20 years very commonly have children?

Is it not?

I’m not trying to fight.

I can bow out here if 32 is not starting late, I thought it was ,but by your judgment clearly and it’s not. So you succeed here I suck and I’m the bad guy as long as everyone else agrees with you.

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rustyoldlemon@reddit

It's obviously an opinion about what "starting late" is. I cannot imagine anyone thinking 32 is late, but you are here to show me that some do. A pregnancy is "geriatric" if a mother is 35+. OP and their partner are 47/48. Many of the other comments here are from parents who began in their late 30s to well into the 40s. I had kids at 34 and 41. I am one of the younger mothers in my older child's class and never felt like an older parent until I had my youngest last year. My own parents were 37 and 47. Just because teenagers have kids too doesn't make me feel like that is the norm or that doing it older than 20 is late. But I know in some communities super young parents are still the norm.

[-]

IcyAddress4074@reddit

Like, my wife had already achieved her PhD and I had already completed all the professional things I was trying to do, but then we had kids. It felt late, but absolutely I can be wrong.

[-]

othertigs@reddit

Congratulations to you both!

One of the best products we invested in was a baby swing. Baby adored it! Also, the pacifiers with the stuffed animals attached were super helpful for not losing said pacifiers.

The best managing after baby comes home idea I got was disposable plates/bowls/cutlery, because you are going to be doing enough dishes or laundry without having to do those, too.

While my hope is that your wife’s baby feeding journey goes as smoothly as possible, it is also okay if she doesn’t breastfeed. Fed is best.

Our kid had reflux which the first pediatrician didn’t catch, and it made getting them fed difficult and kid was not gaining weight appropriately. Listening to first pediatrician on how to handle the feeding (reflux not yet diagnosed) led to a bottle aversion, which I figured out on my own and was able to reverse due to a very helpful book on the subject.

Which leads to: If you think your pediatrician/doctor is not listening to you change to a doctor who does.

While morbid to think about, please make plans for if something were to happen to you. My parents were older when they had me (40/42) and set up a trust and identified legal guardians should something happen to them before I turned 18. It didn’t, they lived until I was in my 40s, but the trust made everything related to their estate much easier to deal with.

Depending on where you live, if you need childcare in a daycare setting, start looking now. While we were able to get kid into daycare with little wait at 2.5, the list for babies at the same facility was over a year.

[-]

MetaverseLiz@reddit

You really want to bring kids into this shitty world? You want to burden what is likely your only kid with elderly parents when they are likely still struggling with debt and housing?

And if you're so hell bent on kids, adopt. Your genes aren't so important that you can't save another child from the terrible foster care system.

[-]

literanch@reddit

Literally miserable gollum

[-]

MetaverseLiz@reddit

Whatever you gotta say to get to sleep at night.

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literanch@reddit

Haha are you trying to convince me or yourself?

[-]

Stinkerma@reddit

You really dont need 95% of the gadgets available for babies.

The first year and a half are crazy. Baby goes from screaming potato to hey, its starting to be a person!

Potty training is a huge milestone. Ask them if they're ready to potty train and when they say yes, take a week off everything else and just focus on the skills they need to go potty.

Keep your sense of humour around them, they catch on pretty quickly. Mine roll their eyes at my jokes daily, its awesome.

Don't expect your village to just happen. Your parents might not have the stamina to watch your kids. Your siblings might be in a different time of life and unwilling to babysit. Your friends might not be interested. Keep the old friends around but find new people who have similar life goals.

I was 35 with my first, 36 with my second.

[-]

whereisbeezy@reddit

I had my first at 37 and my second right before I turned 39. Both pregnancies were easy though I did not appreciate the doctors calling them geriatric.

Of course limit screens. And model the behavior top want to see. That's fucking hard for my adhd ass, but if they see me reading they're more likely to pick up a book.

[-]

redittreader@reddit

Don’t take any advice from friends and family too seriously. Especially from those with one kid. What works for one kid won’t work for all kids.

[-]

Dapper-Instruction47@reddit

my only advice is get off social media or at least the parenting advice pages such as this thread so you don’t think you are doing everything the wrong way or you get so much advice you don’t listen to your instincts. Every child is different and has different needs. lead with love and empathy, dont forget to take care of yourself and you and baby will be fine.

[-]

sexual__velociraptor@reddit

Im tired and my back hurts....

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lavellian@reddit

In the postpartum years, keep a little brainspace for perimenopause and be proactive about watching for symptoms. I had my first & only kid at 39, period returned at 41, and final period was at 44. Those postpartum years were pretty rough and, I had no clue I was going through rapid hormone depletion; perimenopause was not really on my radar. I just knew I wasn't bouncing back from the pregnancy/early parenthood, was tired all the time, moody, depressed, anxious, just didn't feel like myself. The perimenopause subreddit is very active and has great resources.

Best wishes to you and your partner! Kids age you but also keep you young, enjoy the ride!

[-]

elenchusis@reddit

Maybe my math is wrong here, but is your partner pregnant at 47?

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

Ill be 48 this week, she in 48 in june.

[-]

TheFireHallGirl@reddit

Congrats!!! I was 37.5 when I had my daughter and my pregnancy was considered high risk due to my pre-existing health conditions. Here is what I can suggest:

Listen to your doctors.
When it comes to baby/toddler/preschooler clothes, thrift stores and garage sales are the best places to buy them from. I’ve also gotten clothes from Walmart for my daughter.
If breastfeeding gets to be too much, or if things just don’t seem to be working, it’s perfectly fine to give your child formula. You should not be forced to feel like you’re doing it wrong by not breastfeeding.

[-]

widefree@reddit

Congratulations! We’re 46 and 49 with an almost 4 year old and a 4 months old:) it’s been a long journey for us, it changed our lives upside down but we’re in for it. Everybody speaks how sleep is extremely important, and for us it means co sleeping and we both wouldn’t have it otherwise. Whatever works for you.

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sed2017@reddit

I had my first at 37 (he’s 5 today!) and we’re gonna try for another in a few months… we’re tired but it’s the best job anyone could have.. good luck mama!

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Crescenthia1984@reddit

I had my first at 38 and now pregnant again at 41! It took longer than I thought but wouldn’t change anything.

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Wicked_Morticia18@reddit

Me too! My LO is 5 in a few weeks :)

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alwaus@reddit (OP)

Oh im not mama, im dad.

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sed2017@reddit

My bad! I just assumed cuz of the pregnancy tests…

[-]

Wolfmantastic@reddit

gif

I’m tired, boss.

[-]

OsmoticTonic@reddit

Glad it ain’t me

[-]

Fit-Success-3006@reddit

I had mine at 38 and 41. My wife and I were pretty solid financially at that point. If you are too, my suggestion is to hire a cleaning service to help out. Get organized and stay on a routine. Prioritize your health and know that everything is a phase that will pass.

[-]

HiddenUser1248@reddit

When they sleep, you sleep.

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NextYearIsHere@reddit

Congrats! I’m in my early 40’s with a toddler and it’s hard as hell not having the energy of a 20-something when it comes to raising kids, but remember there is a trade off to that. You’re not late, you’re just a smarter and hopefully a better version of yourself now than you would have been a decade or two ago. You’re also hopefully in a better life position as well, so use these to your advantage. My wife and I don’t have many friends with kids and our parents are in their mid 70’s so granny and grandpa ain’t babysitting, so see who in your circle you can talk to. Join groups and message boards. Find people that can give you their used stuff, and return the favor to others. I was shocked how much nice used stuff was just given to us. And plenty of nice stuff is dirt cheap second hand. Lastly, remember you can do this. Cave men did this. It’s going to be hard, but it’s the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do, even when you’re scared and ready to give up. Lean on your partner. Get them to lean on you. Stay away from toxic influences (screw you instagram moms that convinced my wife not to give our daughter a pacifier and made life miserable for that whole period) and love that little rugrat with all your heart

[-]

NextYearIsHere@reddit

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/17cvpqYipN/

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pghbuckeye@reddit

We had our 3rd (and last) who just turned 9 months. I just hit 42. I feel young and do my best to keep up with everything. I think the lil guy helps for sure. My parents were over 40 and I always said I didn't want that, but we're here and wouldn't change it for anything. Lots of comments about more stability are right on, that certainly helps

I also agree with the ideas of spending $ if you can for efficiency. Get the extra set of bottles and the sterilizer if it helps. Wherever it removes a burden of having to immediately do something, have more than one of it.

I'll also say that it goes by so fast and there is no time to think of how old you are !

[-]

enmatt@reddit

Financially and mentally I feel great about it but my god is my body tired. A 3 and a 4 year old.

[-]

ChristelynneMatrix@reddit

I had mine at 32 and 42. Umm I raised my own babysitters so that's awesome 🤣. Otherwise, we is tired.

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Slasher1738@reddit

Early on, we've found it helpful to split the night shift based on who's more the night owl and the next day schedule. Try to sleep whenever the baby sleeps, even if you're on duty.

Formula was key for us, as it allowed a regular schedule for my wife and feeding schedule for our child. Bottles consisted of breast milk + rice cereal + whatever their demand level was, especially later in age.

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beyondhubble@reddit

I’m a 47 year old guy. 3 year old daughter, and another girl coming this September. I have zero savings and it gets pretty scary when I really sit down and think about it. My wife is 36 so I don’t think she gets the same anxiety that I do. But I trust that it will be ok, and that we are bringing children into a loving family that will raise them to be the best people they can be.

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Affectionate_Big8239@reddit

I had mine at 37 and 41 and we’re doing great! I feel way more prepared than I would have if we had kids in our 20s.

We don’t have to worry about money as much & more life experience to help us navigate all of the baby advice/info out there.

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Nerdgirl330@reddit

I had kids at 38 and recently at 43. I can tell you while I was definitely had more challenges both times, my mental state is so much better now than in my 20s. I am so happy to be a parent right now. Who cares that I will be in my 60s when my kids graduate high school lol!!!

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Big-Honeydew-961@reddit

It doesn't matter. You started when you started. Just love them, protect them, and let them play in the mud. And take a million pictures.

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blixxic@reddit

Pictures AND videos! You will not remember how their tiny adorable voice sounded a few years from now so record that sh!t as much as you can.

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Adventurous_Pin_344@reddit

The ABSOLUTE BEST!! I just was fed two ADORABLE videos of my kid as a toddler 7 years ago. One was her "reading" a Sandra Boynton book by just narrating what she saw in the pictures.

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Big-Honeydew-961@reddit

So true.

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skeptical_hope@reddit

WITH you! Take a bunch of pictures with the kid and YOU in them! (It's really easy to accidentally forget to include yourself in the pics and your kids will want to see you in them, too!)

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Revolutionary-Yak-47@reddit

Read to your child!! Put down your phones, dont give them an iPad and read to them. Please. It literally doesnt matter what, but prioritize reading daily. They are never "too young."

Gen Z and Gen Alphas literacy rates are horrible, I know 20 year olds who struggle with Dr Seuss books. Please, please read to your kid from the start. It is the number one thing you can do to help them academically.

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Reagannite1981@reddit

Congratulations! My wife and I have four and she was almost 36 when our oldest was born and nearly 44 with our youngest.

Enjoy the time. It goes so fast!

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steveb5004@reddit

My dad was in this situation -- he was 54 when I was born. Everyone assumed he was my grandpa. But it's all good. Lean into it. Take naps at soccer practice. Have your wife knit at PTA meetings. Call all of their teachers "son" and "darling" during their conferences. Make it weird.

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Competitive-Lime7775@reddit

My best suggestion is find a family/person who has had kids already and you like the way they’re parenting and their values line up with yours. Then only ask them advice. You’ll get advice from EVERYWHERE otherwise (solicited or not) and it’ll be contradictory so you’ll never feel like you are doing things right. Go to your one person everytime and ignore everyone else.

[-]

mesosuchus@reddit

DINK 4 LIFE

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luxtabula@reddit

Say goodbye to sleep. The first two to three months are hell.

Best tip is to be on the baby's schedule. When the baby goes to sleep, you go to sleep. Otherwise you'll become an insomniac quick.

The three to six month stage was the best for me. They were cute, cuddly, and sleeping well. After six months is when the baby is strong enough to crawl and fight back if they don't like what you're doing. They'll eventually stop looking like a baby and start looking like a toddler.

Prioritize sleep. If you have family, let them help you if they're trustworthy. And prioritize sleep.

[-]

trollinhard2@reddit

I’m 44 and have a 2 week old. Never had kids, never really wanted a baby. That said it’s great. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anything. Best of luck!

[-]

lnm28@reddit

With your wife being such advanced maternal age, there is a higher probability that the pregnancy will end in miscarriage or had something genetically wrong. I suggest getting an NIPT and an amino

[-]

VincentMac1984@reddit

Prayer 🙏

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ScreenSensitive9148@reddit

My husband’s father died when he (my husband) was 8 years old. His dad was only 36 years old at the time. Meanwhile, my mother is 82 and in pretty good shape. Nobody is promised anything, at any age.

I have a toddler now at age 45. I think toddlers are exhausting at any age, so don’t blame my age for the struggles of dealing with a tiny lil human with zero self-preservation instincts 😮‍💨

But I do prioritize checking my physical health more than I probably would have otherwise. I exercise, I watch my A1C and cholesterol. I’m nowhere near perimenopause like a lot of my peers (likely due to birth and breastfeeding). But I go to my checkups and keep an eye on the “silent killers”. I was in decent shape before the baby, I’ve made it my goal to age backwards. In that sense, I think the baby actually helped.

Mentally and emotionally, just work hard on building a support system. We don’t automatically have grandparents who can help. But we do have siblings, found family and other loved ones. And generally more financial resources to fill in the gap. For example, hiring a night nurse was amazing for a newborn.

Overall, things are going well… as well as can be expected with a toddler 😅

[-]

PopsiclesForChickens@reddit

Go get a colonoscopy since you're 45 now!

Personally, I had my kids from 27-31 and thankfully because I went through menopause at 42 due to health issues. But I'm still here and healthy again, mainly because I have my kids to be here for.

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ScreenSensitive9148@reddit

There are so many colonoscopy posts in this sub. Guerilla marketing by Big Colon? 😂

[-]

skeptical_hope@reddit

Just folks looking out for each other, man.

[-]

blessitspointedlil@reddit

Big colon makes more money if you wait until you notice something is amiss and you need expensive cancer treatments.

[-]

Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit

Colon cancer took Chadwick Boseman and James Van Der Beek from us. That's too much fine and too much talent lost to cancer. I am neither fine nor talented, but I wanna live!

[-]

tati-ennui@reddit

Oh man, it’s all over the news: colon cancer is huge from us on down and keeps getting younger. Lack of dietary fiber and high protein routines are the candidates for the increase, but it’s not fully understood yet. Do not sleep on it.

[-]

demonm0nkey@reddit

Wipe warmer.

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KMC0222@reddit

All the talk about routines. Great until youre hormonal and find out all sorts of new things you yourself can’t handle because you used to be able to before kids. I hope this doesn’t happen but be aware of it. Give yourself grace and if the baby is happy following your routine that works for you. Then don’t stress about making one. Had my first at 38, 40 and 42. The hormones are wild from here on out.

And remember if you’re stressed everyday that you’re not doing enough or you ruined your kid…. Congrats you are an amazing parent!

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mroutofstate@reddit

Find a good daycare and get on the waitlist.

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rlovelock@reddit

Look in the bright side, as long as you don't have any large expenses coming up wink you'll at least be able to retire when they leave home.

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littlemybb@reddit

My mom‘s parents were in their mid 40s when they had her. She was a whoopsie, but the family was overjoyed about her.

They were definitely more tired, but she got calmer and more stable parents than her older siblings did. They had her siblings when they were in their 20s.

They both lived to be in their 90s, so my mom got a lot of really good time with them. She was in her 50s when they passed. My brother and I also got a good grandparent experience with them.

They couldn’t play with us like my dad‘s parents could who were in their 50s when we were born.

But we still got to have a lot of fun with them. Like I would read with my grandmother, and my grandpa would play DS with my brother.

[-]

yeahdonut@reddit

Get on daycare waitlist immediately. Like now as you’re looking at your first positive tests. The good ones are damn near impossible to get infants into.

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DoodleDoo1989@reddit

Congratulations!!!! Had all my kids in my 40's!

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TaskmasterOfPuppets@reddit

What’s late? Now? I started in my mid 30s. The best thing I can say is sleep when the baby sleeps. Do not look at sleeping is for night time. When you’re home with the baby, sleep when they sleep.

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Pleasant_Video8490@reddit

Congrats! I was 46 when my daughter was born, she’s nearly 2 now.

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Lostwithoutaclue2@reddit

All solid advice. My advice is to your trip of a lifetime if you have the means to before that child comes!

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RydmaUwU@reddit

Embrace it. It's awesome. And humbling.

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aweedl@reddit

Old parents impress the hell out of me, legitimately. More power to you. My kids will all be adults before I’m 50 (very soon!) and I could barely maintain the energy to keep up with toddlers as a dad in my 20s.

Parents doing it now, in their 40s? Respect.

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2PM2@reddit

83 here and we expecting too. I’m oddly calm. I figure if 18 year olds who know nothing can do it, we will be alright. And at the very least it will keep us younger longer.

So …..(turns ball cap around backwards like Stallone) Lock in as the children say. lol

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Slamdancingduck@reddit

How old are you I am mid 30 with a 16 yo and I want a baby but everything keeps telling me to wait but I’m afraid of waiting too long

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Unusual_Lock_8602@reddit

+1 piece of advise is make sure you want this responsibility. Then, make sure you have a house, you're financially stable, mentally healthy, physically ready, make sure you have have people around to help you, prepare for no more time for yourself, just know you cannot go back on this. It's a huge responsibility.

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butterfly_ashley@reddit

My mom was 30 and mg dad was 45 when I was born. I am an only child.

I felt like I had a normal stable life comparing myself to my friends or even my fiancé. Mg parents were established in their careers owned a house already.

They were older but my liked hanging out at my house as they felt more stable. We had meals and snacks snd dint have the financial worries my friend parents did having to work multiple jobs etc. I got made fun of s few times with mg dad picking me up in high school becsuse he was gray but I didnt care he just survived his first round of cancer so I was Just happy he was there.

When I graduated my dad was 62 snd mom was 48.

I was born in 89 for reference.

[-]

Fit-Vanilla-3405@reddit

Don’t let anyone talk you out of sleep training if it’s best for you. Biologically normal infant sleep is a lame term that pseudoscience researchers use to try to freak everyone out. If you don’t want to do cry it out or any other type of structured crying but plenty of people do it so don’t feel any shame (and please don’t shame others) if you do it.

Same with not breastfeeding, stopping sanitising, letting them eat dirt and later on letting them eat string cheese as their main meal of the day. Being older does mean not giving a fuuuuuuuck what other people think more and knowing how wrong they are no matter how many toes down they have.

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Psa-lms@reddit

Just popping in to say congratulations!! 🎈🎉

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Professional_Plum424@reddit

Nothing to it lol. First at 40, 2nd at 43.5, and my wife is pregnant now. She’s a xenny too. This is also our 7th pregnancy and that’s been a journey. All joking aside, it’s hard but what isn’t.

Prioritize exercise and nutrition. Eat as well as you can afford. I started out getting fatter and fatter and less healthy. Last 10 months I’ve worked out, fixed my diet, and it’s made a huge difference. They also keep you young. It’s the best gift I’ve ever gotten.

I’ll push your walker at HS graduation if you return the favor. 🤪

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Interesting_Tea_6734@reddit

Don't be a zealot about anything. I think a helpful part of having babies when you're older is that you know who you are and likely have more confidence about what is right now you. There are so many people out there who are absolutists about everything parenting: sleep, school, feeding, etc. Keep the baby fed and the family sane and comfortable. If you can do that, you're golden.

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Professional_Milk783@reddit

Just know the first 5 years are the hardest and will feel like non-stop survival. That’s normal.

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chapmandan@reddit

We were 39 (her) and 41 (me) when we had ours, he's 6 now.

The tiredness is real and sometimes I do wonder if me 10 years ago would be more less worn out. That said, I'm way better equipped to be a father mentally. Patience, self awareness, general ability to coach a small person is way better than it was. Plus being further in to my careerwere financially better equipped although it changes your financial planning when you might be putting someone through college in your 60s.

I do think kids age you and so we're generally less so than my peers who had kids earlier. It will catch up on us though and now he's a bit older I need to focus on my own health as I get more time.

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wildplums@reddit

You are 4x as likely to live to 100 if you have a baby after 40. ☺️

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LivingCamel3326@reddit

1979 and I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old. Both girls. Buckle up. It’s all joy and no pleasure.

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lsp2005@reddit

I don’t understand your comment. All joy and no pleasure?

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Fine-Platypus-423@reddit

Do you have kids?

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lsp2005@reddit

I do. They are a joy and pleasure. It pains me that they do not feel the same towards their own children.

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Fine-Platypus-423@reddit

I understood the facetiousness

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lsp2005@reddit

But the kids don’t. That kind of thinking does make its way to the kids. It is an unhealthy mindset.

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LivingCamel3326@reddit

It something a friend of mine said to me once that resonated with me- it’s the most joyous thing in life, but there’s a sacrifice you make when it comes to your own pleasure, at least the first few years.

[-]

dad-anon@reddit

Turn on “live mode” on your phone camera — it’s the only reason I have good infant/toddler pics!

[-]

AnxiousSeason@reddit

First, congrats.

Second, not a woman, but I had my first at 45, my partner was 30. It's been a lot, and I'm thankful to have her there to help and carry the load (admittedly she does more than I do with the kid). It's been a year and we have our second due this August. Then we're taking a long break / may be finished, we'll see, but 2 under 2 is wild.

Third, give yourself grace. Don't try to live up to anyone's expectations or standards. A lot of advice out there is given by and for younger people, and it just doesn't stack up. So be OK disregarding common advice and following your gut. Your body will tell you.

Fourth, don't do 2 under 2. lmao. We should have waited until the first was walking and potty trained. But things happen lol.

Congrats again. I wasn't sure it was going to happen to me, but I'm thankful it did, even if it's a lot (and expensive).

[-]

LastMinuteMom@reddit

Do not, under any circumstances, start a cutsie tradition you can not replicate ANYWHERE. Learned this the hard way when a kid lost a tooth on an extended trip away and up until then, the tooth fairy had always left gold dollars…that tradition ended a sad death. 💀😜

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DeeSt11@reddit

You don't have to have the kid

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ApatheistHeretic@reddit

Recognize burnout early and do what you can to ease it without sacrificing quality time with the new kido.

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ImpossibleJob5788@reddit

I started at 39 and it was surprise. What I would tell you is that you shouldn't let people freak you out. Of course this will be hard but it will also be great. You'll learn to love in ways you didn't know you were capable of and you'll do things you didn't think you could. If you're lucky, when you hold your child, you'll get that "oh, this is why I survived this long" moment.

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Yagoua81@reddit

It’s a little lonely as all the parents around us are early 30’s or late 20’s.

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90sgoth@reddit

I was 38 my husband was 45. Umm. If you can afford it get help. It’s exhausting lol

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Wild-Sky-4807@reddit

Put more than one mattress cover and fitted sheet in the crib once they sleep there. The order: mattress, mattress cover, fitted sheet, mattress cover, fitted sheet. When your kid has a diaper explosion in the middle of the night you'll just be able to pull off one layer, and put it in the laundry (or the corner, it IS within a mattress cover) and go back to sleep.

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dallyan@reddit

If you have money a lot of issues will be solved. Outsource as much labor as you can.

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RoundTheBend6@reddit

Partners need to let each other catch up on sleep. Set intentional times for that and trade off.

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Matt-J-McCormack@reddit

Invest in ear plugs / ear phones. Our ability to shrug off uncomfortable noises degrade as we age and babies already make noise designed to put us on high alert. It’s going to be stress on stress on sleep deprivation for a little while so be kind to yourself.

[-]

Pbtomjones@reddit

Congratulations! The first 3.5 years will be exhausting. They will fly by though, enjoy them. Once your kid in school, thinks will become a little easier.

[-]

kalitarios@reddit

‘77 here, no kids of my own, electively sterile at 29 with no regrets. Dated someone with a kid who we are still close even though that relationship ended kinda rough. Kid still sees me as more of a dad than her actual dad who doesn’t care about her or even call on her birthday.

My current partner and I discussed fostering but the fear of taking in someone, growing and loving them only to have to possibly have that taken away overnight has us hesitant. I’d love to foster a kid. I have the time, space and patience.

When we called the state they gave a scenario where we could be placed with a very young child and raise them for many years and if the biological parents wanted the child back we have no legal means to keep the child with us, stable or not, even if the child wants to stay with us. It sounded heartbreaking. We’ll see. I still am on the fence

[-]

erino3120@reddit

I’m 46, but five of my friends have had a kid after 45. You will have friends at college drop off!! Good luck!

[-]

madamdz@reddit

I had my first at 37 and second at 41. I'm tired, but parents are tired. I have friends who have kids graduating college, I have friends who started at the same time. Truly, it's given my life so much more meaning and I just love these funny weird little humans.

[-]

Andrewdusha@reddit

Had my last at 42. Age is just a number these days. People look and feel younger than in the last. Embrace it, I’m super happy having had my second.

[-]

OmahaWarrior@reddit

My dad was 41 when i was born, mom 29. It bothered me as a kid because my friends all had dads that were in their 20s or early 30s when my friends were born. Looking back, its stupid i thought that because my dad couldnt help it. I think i just wanted to do more things with him and he wasnt able to do so, but it was because of his jobs, not because of lack of stamina or more advanced age. In a strange twist of fate, my son was born when i was also 41. I was able to pick a career where i can spend more time and make good memories with my boy. He knows my age, but doesn't care. He is happy that i make memories with himTake care of yourself, physically, mentally etc spend the time you can on not only yourself, but them. Its definitely harder than being in your 20s, but you can still be a great parent at any age if you put the time and effort. Be easy on yourself too. Dad provided for his family, and I learned to remember all the good things he did for us, and forget the other stuff. Miss you dad, love you. Congratulations on being a parent. Its literally one of best things ever.

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OkCar7264@reddit

Work in shifts. I did 10 PM- 2 AM, my wife 2-6 AM. Four hours of solid sleep will be enough and 4 hours of ass will be enough to survive with. Give each other as much support and relief as you can.

When you get free time, just sleep, don't try to catch up on Breaking Bad or some shit. Until they're sleeping through the night survival is the game.

Diaper bags are bullshit, just pick a backpack you probably already have and put diapers and wipes in it.

If you have an extended family that wants to help, let them help. It's such a relief to even have one other person willing to pitch in.

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harrilal@reddit

There is a free app called Huckleberry.

You can track naps, pees and poops, food tried, medicine given, growth, etc.

It is a godsend in the earlies when you have lots of doc appointments and they ask you questions like how many poops yesterday/today and your brain is soup.

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canadianrebel250@reddit

Tired. Always tired.

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hextasy@reddit

Wife and I have a 6 month old, our first. The DINK life was fun, but I must say this has been even more fun.

Wife suggests "Don't take yourself so seriously". Things definitely don't always go as you plan.

I would stress splitting the duties. One person shouldn't be doing all of the work, especially the overnight feedings! Team work makes the dream work!

And don't break the bank on toys. One of the baby's favorite toys right now is a prescription pull bottle with popcorn kernels in it, as a rattle.

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pdx_via_dtw@reddit

eek. visit regretfulparents.

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GenXMillenial@reddit

If you can afford it there are postpartum and sleep doulas - to give you help and rest

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Slytherpuffy@reddit

All the comments are making me feel like it's not too late for me. I just turned 43 and want to be a mom so bad, but I'm single as hell and cannot afford both rent and childcare at the same time.

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Humble_Ladder@reddit

Congratulations!

I was 42, my wife 39, she turns 5 next month. Pregnancy was rough on my wife.

I feel like there are more old parents than you expect, of course there are the 20-somethings, too.

I went from early retirement viable to retire at 65 at the earliest pretty much overnight.

Especially as you're a bit older, for some, including my wife and I pregnant doesn't always equal kid. Our surprise didn't work out, but inspired us to try. It was rough, but we have a healthy one in the end. Best of luck! Don't go full despair, but temper your expectations until at least the first ultrasound.

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CorporalCabbage@reddit

Don’t forget about your relationship. My (former) wife and I totally fell apart after our first and we never figured out how to get back on track. We gutted it out for 10 more years and then called it quits. I can’t give you any advice beyond that. Good luck.

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greaterwhiterwookiee@reddit

I’m the outlier. I had kids at 37 and 39 and I’m miserable.

BUT here’s what I’m the outlier, I have 2 kids I had at 23 and 25. So I “already did” the dad thing. Now I’m stuck doing things I’ve done for the last 15 years all over again. I was just naive enough to think in my second stroke of parenthood would be the same as the first.

It hasn’t been. My second go round has been dynamite crazy chaos. These kids are NOT the same kids as my first 2. I work from home with my v2 kids a lot so I’m consumed by their sass 24/7. Im counting down the days for kindergarten.

THAT all said, I’m financially in a much better place so v2 kids have things my v1 kids never got. It’s harder because I’m more tired, more required, and don’t recoup energy like I used to.

For a first timer, it’s going to be wonderful and congratulations.

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Firkster@reddit

Take lots of videos. You’ll rarely go back and look at the pics. But every time you see a video of your child babbling or in the early phases of speaking, your heart will melt.

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TheGirlwThePinkHair@reddit

My dad had a kid at 57 (adopted) he was a better parent to her than he was to my 1/2 brother or me.

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Patty_Curlz274@reddit

I had my girl at 41. Physically it can be hard to keep up, make sure you make time to stay for if you aren't already. Otherwise, it's been great. I was in much better financial shape and don't really care what people think.

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mikeyfireman@reddit

While you will lack the energy of younger parents, you have more wisdom and resources. It’s amazing to me that 20 year olds can pull it off.

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Ok_Bike_6839@reddit

I had twins at 38. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and also possibly the best.

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Pavlover2022@reddit

As someone with a nearly 10 year old, I feel #5 in my bones

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WaitUntilTheHighway@reddit

Similar boat, I feel like I'm a much better, wiser, more patient parent in my mid 40s than I would have been even 10 years ago. It's an amazing experience. I think the absolute smartest thing older parents can do is get/stay very healthy. Get your diet together, don't eat like an asshole, lift weights and move your body. Don't give your kids old parents who can barely do anything.

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ImissDigg_jk@reddit

Oh man. Drink plenty of fluids and wear a mask in public.

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DMC_Hotness@reddit

Genetic testing is a must. Genetic mutations occur in higher percentages in later age pregnancies.

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unnccaassoo@reddit

77 here, my first one was born in 2014 and his brother came in two years later. My Sunday was almost entirely busy with a new ikea cabinet for their clothes. I really wanted to have some good time with their mom while they were out hiking with friends, but I ended up cursing and assembling drawers. I am happy and looking to adopt one or two kittens next month.

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NewSpice001@reddit

So I am 42. Have a 17 YO step son, and a 3 and 5 YO... So was 37 when we had our middle and 39 when we had the youngest. I've been here since my step son was 5. Can honestly say, I'm just slightly more exhausted at the end of the day. But I do the same stuff, if not slightly more. Because there is more of them, balancing between all three kids, and work. Its a lot. I'm just starting to get full night's if sleep again, but now it's just my own body that wakes me up instead of littles... So it's going well.

Recommendations, reusable diapers and a spray hose for the toilet. You will save thousands.... Introduce them to all the foods and stuff. The old idea of avoiding peanuts when really young is gone... So once they start solids, get them peanut butter, eggs, fish, nuts, shell fish... Get them that exposure. And remember, if you fuck up on something don't worry too hard. We all fuck up. You can't do everything and you're human. If at the end of the day the kids is fed and alive. You did your job. The house will always be a mess from here on out, just get used to that and do what you can....

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ShrewSkellyton@reddit

This is bone chilling..hopefully you have a young spirit because being raised by old parents with senior citizen attitudes was awful. I never bonded with them as a result

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Particular-Crew5978@reddit

Had mine at 38 and 42. I'm 43 now. It helped that my partner also wanted them and he is any six years younger. I had traumatic births each time that I almost needed blood for. He was the one really up at night and doing much of the heavy lifting because my body just needed a lot of time and healing. He wanted them and is a great partner and parent. We don't really have help, just each other. They are five and one now. The best sound I've ever heard in my life is when the oldest one makes the youngest laugh. They have been so good together. I hear when you do this later in life, chances are that you'll live longer. I'm definitely way more active than I would've been otherwise. You adapt and you learn. You're gonna be fine! Congrats 🎉

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EveningRequirement27@reddit

Keep them off of Devi es as long as you can. Love them. Wash, rinse, repeat.

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artfully_dejected@reddit

44 with a 1 year old here. Partner is 40. We’re tired, but loving the adventure. And we had our fun in our 20s and 30s, so it’s not such a sacrifice to focus on our little one.

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WHRocks@reddit

If possible, sleep when they sleep. My only complaint about having kids later is that I'm always tired.

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JasonZep@reddit

I suggest a strict bedtime (circadian rhythms are very important) and reading to your child every night (when they’re a toddler even looking through a picture book is good).

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yinyangyingyang@reddit

Let it change you. Cull together the best version of a community you can that suits your energy and values. You need community. You need sleep. Energy. So Exercise. And remember, your child’s life and your parenting will not be decided by one decision for one day. And don’t let your kids go on social media for crying out loud.

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thearcaneattorney@reddit

Find your chill, and be that chill as often as you can. The stress your body will naturally reach for when moments get absolutely insane just ain’t worth it on the back end.

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Tedanki@reddit

I was 40 and then 43 when my kids were born. The difficulty rises exponentially with additional kids, I'd say.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. It's fucking BRUTAL and it never seems to get easier.

Parenthood is the hardest thing I've ever endured. Yes , it is very fulfilling and full of joy. The highs are high and the lows are LOW. I love my kids and I don't regret our decision, I think.

Everything is simple and easy without kids, by contrast. My marriage was easy, lots of free time, house was clean, never worried about money. Now all of those things are a constant source of stress and anxiety. I wish I'd enjoyed life more before we had them.

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harleficent@reddit

I'm 42 with a 4 year old and two teenagers and I'm exhausted.

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raerae1991@reddit

Congratulations and trust your mommy instincts

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RedRust@reddit

Sorry, we started at 18, and they're 24 and 22 now. Can't help you there.

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TheWildTofuHunter@reddit

Had my baby at 35 and it’s been amazing! I’m cooled down and no longer have a hair trigger. I also have the funds to support him that I didn’t have in my 20s. So much prefer to be a “geriatric” parent with my husband.

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welldonecow@reddit

I was 44 and had a great birth and the baby is awesome. I was selfish for so many years, it’s great to have that out of my system and just be focused on the baby’s happiness. I would say prepare. Or, like me, get a wife who prepares.

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Sheiebskalen@reddit

As someone who had kids at 39 and 41 I wish I’d have been less worried about ever having kids at any age. Only regret was not having them sooner. Just enjoy the ride!

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Door_Number_Four@reddit

Had kids at 23, 36, 46, and 48.

With the last two I am relying on veteran wiles to make up for lack of speed.

That and caffeine and creatine every day.

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BigMommaSnikle@reddit

Have fun!

Rest when they do when they're little.

My favorite quote about being a parent is, "The days are long, but the years are short".

You'll do just fine and congratulations!

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beckypulito@reddit

ICUP 🤭

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AcceptablyPotato@reddit

I had my first at 20 and my last at 37 with one more in the middle. My best advice is keep them off the tablets and phones as long as possible and keep an eye on what they're up to on them when they do finally break you and get access to the online world. And if you're in America, private school is worth every penny if you can swing it.

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MeowKat85@reddit

The days are long but the years are short. Babies are easier than kids. I hope you like not sleeping. You got this.

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literanch@reddit

I’m 43 and my wife and I are expecting our first in September. We both took prenatal vitamins and tracked her ovulation and amazing she got pregnant in the first month we tried. Really excited. They don’t make antidepressants this good. I should have done this years ago.

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Ok-Criticism6874@reddit

My wife and I had our first and only kid at 42, we're 45 now. She's now 3. I feel like both of us got a lot of the single adult things out of our life and now are ready to settle down.

I graduated college at 37, got married at 39, so I got a late start to everything

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Old_Reporter_4624@reddit

Painter’s tape is your best friend when traveling. Need to get that monitor to stay in place? Painter’s tape. Got a light switch in the place you’re staying you don’t want flipped? Painter’s tape. Need an outlet covered? Painter’s tape. Need a makeshift dark room on a plane because all the other passengers tv’s are distracting? Painter’s tape and a blanket. The uses are endless. Our kid just turned 4 and I’m still using it!

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snarkylady@reddit

Had my first and only at 40. No regrets - yes it’s weird that some high school classmates are grandparents while I have a preschooler.

Ignore all the nay-sayers who talk about your kid losing you young. That can happen to anyone regardless of what age they have kids. Just love them for every day you have together.

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clippervictor@reddit

First time parent at 40 then at 45 (just recently). I don’t have the patience or the stamina for the sleep deprivation but on the other side I am an extremely dedicated father as I don’t have any other ambitions in life other than making my children happy.

One piece of advice? Prioritize your sleep health as much as possible. Sleep deprived parents aren’t available both physically and emotionally so take it seriously.

And congratulations!

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NicPaperScissors@reddit

I didn’t start late, but I ended late and the pregnancy I had a 28 felt like spinning around in a field, sound of music style compared to my pregnancy at 38. That said, I’d been through a few of them! Walk as often as you can, hydrate often if it doesn’t make you puke like crazy. Beyond that, ready to have your heart, mind, and soul expand in the wildest and most beautiful ways. Birthing children is punk as fuck and they really tether you to learning about humanity in a very dimensional way.

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zingb00m@reddit

I had my son 3 months before turning 40. He’s the light of our lives and wouldn’t change a thing. Sometimes I get sad thinking we will be 67/68 when he graduates high school but I try not to focus on that and to just provide him with all the tools he needs to be a successful gentleman later in life.

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oldmamallama@reddit

Had my one and only 3 weeks after I turned 39. Wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m not the same parent I would have been if I had started in my 20s. I’m financially stable, emotionally stable, in a healthy relationship. I’m a better mom because I waited.

Is it more tiring at times than if I was younger? Probably. But it’s tiring at any age. There are struggles I don’t have because I AM older. There are things I know I would have projected onto my son if I was younger.

Plus, I didn’t meet my husband until I was 36. So the universe was looking out for me, making sure I didn’t make a baby with some other asshole.

10/10 would not change a thing.

As far as advice: trust yourself, you don’t need a lot of fancy baby shit at first - newborns are pretty basic, and don’t listen to all the other moms (except for vaccines. Get those, don’t be dumb). You can do this.

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Debtastical@reddit

Had our first at 37 and second at 40. My husband and I have been married for 19 years but between grad school and (my) hesitation to give up our DINK lifestyle we started late. I’m so glad we did- financially and just maturity level.

I’m so glad that there are so many of us in this boat. I have friends (our age) that have 20 year olds and have all this time to have HoBbiEs. And maybe physically it would have been easier 10 years ago. But I’m pretty happy. Is kinda weird when I see the parents of some of my preschoolers classmates 😬

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Glad-Arugula-8387@reddit

I was 30 but I’ll say at 46 I have a lot more patience, wisdom and resources than I did!

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Squatch1982@reddit

I'm 43 now, my daughter is 4. My wife was 39 when she had her. She's our one and only and we are so proud to have her. What you lack in youth as a parent you will definitely make up for in life experience. We found that there are also plenty of older parents out there that we can hang with.

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HYThrowaway1980@reddit

I had just hit my 45th birthday when my daughter was born last October. The last six months have been absolutely amazing.

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LatroisSharkey@reddit

45 with a one year old and currently pregnant. Get a second hand Snoo. Know that whatever stroller you get, you will hate it. Take your kid with you to do the things you’ve always loved, (travel, restaurants, etc) within reason. Everyone is going to have an opinion and share it with you, so be prepared with some good one liners.

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Uzelia@reddit

Had mine at 37 and just recently at 43. Sleep is a myth, said farewell to that a long time ago 😂

I run exclusively on NOS energy drinks, nic vape and sleep deprivation hallucinations.

Godspeed sister, we shall endure. ✊🏻

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sylv1ne@reddit

1981/1980 and habe a 20 months old! She is amazing and we are trying for a second now!

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M3L03Y@reddit

I became a dad at 36. I definitely would say it keeps you feeling younger. My daughter is the absolute best, and she teaches me so much about myself!

She will be the only kid I have (well, unless we adopt) because I got a vasectomy after noticing some of the complications my wife had during labor.

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ConfusionOk4129@reddit

46 here. 1 month old. It's going

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oronder@reddit

Dad here. My daughter was born when I was 42. She’ll be five this summer. So far I’ve mostly been able to keep up energy-wise, though just this year my body is beginning to feel ever so slightly middle aged.

I’ve already made peace with the fact that I’ll likely be the oldest parent at any performance/sporting event.

There are advantages though. I’m kind of high-strung by nature and have mellowed with age. I’m definitely more patient/forebearing than I was ten or fifteen years ago (still something I work on though).

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walter_grimsley@reddit

Had my only at 39. 48 now with a third grader. Doesn’t bother me much but I fear for aging. I realize now that I will have less quality time in life with this wonderful person since I’m 40 years older than her. Had I started younger, we would be together on earth longer. I will do my best to take care of my health, but things happen no matter what.

She’s a great kid and I’m glad I had her when I was mature enough. If I had a child in my early 20s, it absolutely would not have gone well.

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Asleep_Onion@reddit

You're gonna feel, at times, like you're not ready for this.

Everyone thinks that before they have their first. But you are. You'll do fine.

Actually, some people never think they're not ready.... And those people are the ones who aren't. One of life's little ironies.

So true to remember that the more scared you are, the more you're second guessing how ready you are, it's actually a good thing. It means you give a shit. We need more parents like that.

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Allrojin@reddit

Have a will. Not trying to be morbid, but my parents were 40-50 when they had me. I was orphaned at 18, and left in the wind because my dad didn't have a will.

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Fun_Theory3252@reddit

Prioritize your health too. If you are the birth parent, you might start going into perimenopause while you’re still getting over having a baby, so regular OBGYN checkups and lab testing for hormones and other health markers are a really good investment. It’s hard enough having little kids without dealing with undiagnosed hormonal changes.

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BoringExperience5345@reddit

Geriatric pregnancies are fine because I like being autistic.

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SkullsInSpace@reddit

I'm in my forties with a 6 year old. I might be okay, if it wasn't for the arthritis that kicked in RIGHT after she was born.

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Fine-Platypus-423@reddit

I’m 40. Kids are 2 and 4.5. It’s amazing, we have so much fun! Didn’t know this type of contentment was even possible in life. It’s also a huge pain in the ass and my body hurts and I’m tired and it’s expensive AF but you just make it work and have a blast on the way. Best of luck!

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Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit

Congratulations!

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mordrath@reddit

The only regret with having mine at 38 is how much energy he has compared to me.

We tried for 8 years and we were super happy to have him. We love him to death. But he is so much energy. That being said, our mental space, financial stability, and support are all much better than our 20s, so 3/4 is pretty good.

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realauthormattjanak@reddit

Remember that the child has no idea of the "right way" on how to do things, so however y'all operate is the right way. Don't beat yourselves up because you read somewhere that doing _____ is wrong. If it's 3am, the baby is crying, y'all are going to notice an absence of any "experts". Old military saying: if it's stupid, but it works, it isn't stupid.

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Accomplished-Run221@reddit

If dying while they are in middle school works.

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After_Preference_885@reddit

My best friend lost her dad in middle school. He was 32.

Another friend went to sleep 5 years ago and never woke up. She left behind two small children. She was 37.

It can happen at any time.

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Accomplished-Run221@reddit

Yes, outliers certainly exist - I’m sorry you didn’t discover this until adulthood. However, likelihood is what we base our daily decision making on. Just because a meteor could wipe you out this evening doesn’t mean a meth party is a good idea. See how that basic, entry-level, recognizable by a 4 year old, reasoning works?

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ArchitectVandelay@reddit

Kind of rude. Let’s not forget to keep Xennials sub fun and kind.

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Accomplished-Run221@reddit

Point out the rude part.

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viridiansoul@reddit

Comparing having a child later in life to doing meth. That's kind of rude.

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ConcreteKeys@reddit

The truth is rude by society's standards.

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ConcreteKeys@reddit

That is absolutely not true. They have natural instincts that can help them determine what is and isn't normal along with being exposed to other adults. It just adults continue to do what they want anyway.

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Cold-Nefariousness25@reddit

38 and 39 here- i'm so glad I had them when I did and that they're so close in age, but don't assume you can't get preggers again if the first time was tricky...

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ja4496@reddit

We went everywhere, did everything, bought a house, 401k, pension, college, vacation, us time everything. Then we had a kid. Now we just have an amazing companion. She goes everywhere, does everything. We didn’t miss out on anything. We had our time, we enjoyed it, now we get to relive so much of it through her. Doing things without her is miserable. Going out without her is no fun. It’s the best.

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EmmalouEsq@reddit

I had my son when I was 39. He's 5 now and so full of energy, but I couldn't imagine life without him, no matter how old I happen to be.

Suggestions? Go out and have all the fun: beaches, travel, parks, movie nights. It goes by fast, so be in the moment and hold memories close

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A_Humble_Masterpiece@reddit

Had mine at 39 and 42. It’s been great. Keep going to the gym or start.

You will need the energy and flexibility.

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6thBornSOB@reddit

Sleep > cleaning

If you get some peace (baby nap) try and rest. Not sure what your situation is, but we would use the time people came to visit to clean and get stuff in order while they were entertaining our lil dookie machines. That mess will wait for you, sleep will not. Good luck 👍

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JustAGreenDreamer@reddit

The thing is, with love, those of us who have had a tough time with it are not going to want to worry or jinx you and your experience, so we are all going to say “Congratulations, OP”, and truly mean it. Congratulations, OP. ❤️

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BeenisHat@reddit

Wish we had started earlier. The temptation to just say screw it and let them get away with questionable behavior is much greater now that I'm older and have less energy.

And our last was born when I was 33.

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mizfantastic@reddit

Abort mission. Abort mission.

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Bluevanonthestreet@reddit

Stay active and take care of your health. Post partum is going to mingle with peri menopause so that going to be a roller coaster. My health has taken a nosedive in my 40s. It stemmed from an injury and pregnancy complications. My husband was doing pretty well while he was active and fit. Now he’s had some health issues crop up after not consistently exercising for a couple of years.

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tklite@reddit

My brother and SIL started in their late 30s/early 40s. Their secret is 2 grandmas that really wanted to be grandmas. If you're starting late, hopefully you have family help or good jobs to pay for care.

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ConcernInevitable590@reddit

Had my first at 20 and my last at 37 and she keeps me feeling young. I definitely slowed down and appreciated a lot more with my last because I believe I was in a better spot maturity wise.

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aspect-of-the-badger@reddit

My last was when we were 36 and all I can say is you are going to be sooooooo fucking tired. Other than that it was great!

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Slamnflwrchild@reddit

My one and only was born two days before I turned 41, he’ll be 3 in December. Honestly, it’s great. I think he helps me be more active and involved in life, really. After my transplant, he was my motivation to get back to normal as fast as possible. I’m not gonna lie though, I’m tired lol.

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niveachannler@reddit

Born in 84 have an 8 year old. Been the best days of my life. They are prolly to spoiled tho.

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BasicRabbit4@reddit

I had mine at 30 and I regret not having him when I was younger and had less back pain. I can not keep up with him playing sports together and he makes fun of me.

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KeeperOfObscurity@reddit

Had our chaos goblin at 42 and 47. She’s two now and I’m not sure I’ve EVER had as much energy as she has now. We’re both perpetually exhausted beyond belief, and she’s a sunburst of extroversion where husband and I are raging introverts. But! We’re able to provide her with a life that we wouldn’t have been able to touch in our 20’s, both financially and emotionally. We benefit from the wisdom of all who came before us.

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withbellson@reddit

We also managed to produce an extrovert in our almost 40s/early 50s. Totally baffled. Must be something related to geriatric chromosomes. \s

Ours is 9 now. I would have been a fucking terrible mom in my 20s, and we wouldn’t have had our specific kid (well, we didn’t even meet till I was 29). I am content with how this worked out.

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M_V_Agrippa@reddit

Same except 42/46 when we had ours. I couldn't be happier and they have a massive leg up already that I wouldn't have been able to afford before 30.

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DrMcJedi@reddit

We had twins when I was 38 and in my last semester of my doctoral program… Parenting is great, but also a game for the young(er). Sleep now…you’re gonna need it!

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PM_ME_UR_SEP_IRA@reddit

We had our first just after I turned 40. Yes we’re going to be old parents but we had a lot of fun traveling and being DINKs before we had kids.

And I love both of our girls to pieces. They’re so adorable, crazy, loud, sweet, we barely sleep, and are always tired. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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realitythreek@reddit

I had mine in my 30s. I was a little worried that I might miss things because I don’t work on my health very much. These fears have gotten better over time. Now I wouldn’t change anything (except for focusing more on my health).

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MonkeyBred@reddit

Ar 36... had 1... stayed 1. Tumultuous times—not the kid's fault.

Best advice... buy a "mixy" bottle. It let's you make formula on the fly. Also, get a huge box of baby wipes. Make sure you're on the same page with your partner regarding sleep, house duties, and expectations for work and support.

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ArchitectVandelay@reddit

I’m an ‘82 and have a 3yo and thinking more. Like others said, it keeps me young. It’s amazing to recapture some of the whimsy that having children brings. Sharing things I did and liked when I was young has been great.

It’s tiring, but so is work and life. Honestly, if I didn’t have a kid I’d be equally tired going out and doing things with my partner. Having a kid makes me go to sleep on time, not over drink (or drink at all), eat healthier to set a good example/live longer, and generally be a little more responsible so I can be at my best and be a good dad.

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MundaneHuckleberry58@reddit

You will actually nap when the baby/-ies nap (which is great!). Some “older” parents also have more disposable income so can afford more meal prep, house cleaning, yard help, which if you can….highly recommend so your time & energy is focused on your people & yourself.

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MissMushroomBerry@reddit

‘81 here (husband ‘76), had my kid at almost 36. Love them for who they are, be as patient as you possibly can, say you’re sorry when you mess up and loose your temper, spend as much time as you possibly can together, no screens when interacting (they want to know that you see them).

Also, try not to give them screens too much, especially when they’re young, I know it’s tempting and sometimes it’s necessary because you need to do something (like in a waiting period or the market), but it’s better for their overall emotional and mental development to just be present in the world.

My kid has a lot of hobbies: drawing, reading (audio books count too!) obviously playing (lots of legos!), listening to video game music, telling stories and conversation about his interests, building the Crunch Labs toy boxes and now learning how to program. He does play video games but only on the weekends and as a shared activity with his dad, it’s their special time.

I know that I’m emphasizing this topic but it’s so sad to see all these great kids (toddlers included) with their faces glued to a screen. I recommend the book ‘The Anxious Generation’ for a more thorough explanation.

Congratulations, it’s an exciting time, you’re mind will be blown in the most amazing way 💕

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cmgww@reddit

We had an unplanned boy when I was 39 and my wife was 35.5…. Fertility for the first two, God gave us another because he has a great sense of humor I guess.

I’ll say this, lots of good advice here. I’ll be 57 when my youngest graduates high school.

My best advice?

Get. Your. Diet. Right. If you aren’t already, make sure you’re getting a complete blood panel done. Take proper supplements, that has been a game changer for me. Exercise when you can, keep that body healthy so you can be there for your kids. Get the colonoscopy, mammograph if applicable, etc. Get enough rest when you can. I was 34 when our first son was born and that five years made a big difference. The infant/toddler years can be crazy but eventually it will get easier. When you are not alone, there are specific subs for older parents on Reddit, not to mention a lot of people have kids later in life these days. It will be weird, we have friends of ours who are already empty nesters, but there are plenty of people our age who have young children. Even when I was growing up my mother was a nurse, and plenty of the doctors she knew were older parents. They usually waited until their late 30s or 40s to even start having kids.

It’s a crazy world out there so try to give them a balance of what we grew up with, while still keeping up with technology. I let my kids free range as much as possible, with the added benefit of something like an AirTag so I know where they are.

Best of luck and congratulations!

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FantasticOpinions@reddit

I still haven't gotten covid.

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aureliaan@reddit

Turned 50 and a month later my son was born.

As a first time dad! It is tough but so rewarding. I really enjoy taking care of him. I think it would've been different If I were 15 years younger perhaps more physical energy but maybe less focus. Hard to say.

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aceless0n@reddit

Had my first at 40, I’m 42 now. Not gonna sugarcoat it—it’s been tough.

Physically, it hits different at this age. Chasing her around, constantly picking her up, cleaning up after her… it adds up. I’ve already got disc bulges and a hernia, so my back reminds me every day that I’m not 25 anymore.

Mentally, it’s been an adjustment too. I was always someone who liked quiet and my own space, so going from that to nonstop noise and responsibility is a big shift. I try to stay present and appreciate the good moments, but my daughter has been pretty whiny since day one, and it wears you down—me and my girlfriend both feel it.

And yeah… the exhaustion is real. All the time. Maybe you’ll adapt better than I have—I genuinely hope so.

Best way I can describe it: it’s like the eye of a hurricane. You get these brief moments where everything is calm, she’s happy, being funny, and you feel that sunshine… and then the storm rolls back in.

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leviathynx@reddit

There’s pros and cons of either age range. Older parents tend to have more money and be more stable but we lack the energy to play as much as they like. Younger parents have all the energy but don’t always have the money. In either case a strong support network is the best thing you can ask for. Also join us on r/parenting.

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lizard7709@reddit

When they are born and still young, sleep/rest when they sleep.
If you can afford to have some clean the house for you, go for it.
Keep meals easy.

Do had my youngest and 40. She is a joy but it is exhausting.

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rhythmandbluesix@reddit

My wife and I waited until we were in our early thirties to start a family. By that point, we were both established in our careers and had developed the patience and resilience necessary for parenting.

No regrets here, accumulated wisdom and money made things a LOT easier.

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Accomplished_Ad_4216@reddit

I had my first at 37 and my second at 40. The benefit of being an old dad is you have more patience and empathy than a 25 year old (hopefully). I highly suggest stretching everyday and remembering to lift with your legs and not your back. I know it's really obvious but when you're tired and broke and overwhelmed it's easy to forget. I now have a 2 and 5 year old and could not be happier.

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bingbingdingdingding@reddit

Had my first kid at 41 and the second at 43. My wife is five years younger. We’re a lot more financially stable than we would have been if we had children younger, but the fatigue sets in faster (or so I imagine). We give each other breaks, share as much of the load as possible, and just appreciate the journey. It really is a joy even if I’m still 3 years behind on sleep.

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owlcityy@reddit

I had my first at 31 years old and I had twins at age 40. I’m loving it this time around. I’ve already got the experience, plus the patience and financial stability. I’m soaking it all in because as soon as they can go to preschool, I’m going back to work!

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LaAndala@reddit

I had my son at 41 and it’s amazing. I’m financially stable and have a great career. I’m much more stable as a person too, I think I’m a great mom raising him right. And it’s the best experience of my life. Yes to staying young!

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send_in_the_clouds@reddit

46 this year and I have a 7 month old son. Honestly it has been amazing, but I have also been extremely lucky as he is a healthy happy little guy who sleeps pretty well.

The best advice I received was to try not to worry about all of the conflicting advice you will get from other parents. Every child is unique and what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another, trust your instinct as you will be the only person who really knows your child.

Oh and congratulations! If you’re terrified that’s not a bad thing, it means that you care and that you will try your best to give them a good life.

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Philly_3D@reddit

Get ready to feel old all the time, but you'll be simultaneously staying younger!

Have a 4 year old at 44. It's a challenge. The tough part is getting used to not having as much free time as I had from age 18-40... that's 22 years of doing whatever I wanted. That's over.

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sprolololoo@reddit

83 here and first one about to pop out late july. scared and excited :D missus is 10 years younger than me

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Disastrous-Screen337@reddit

79 and my kids are in high school. My college roommate, also 79, has a 2 year old. He is struggling.

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Verbull710@reddit

Better make sure those kids turn out more normal than the millenial and gen z offspring - you have a microgeneration to represent

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Sea-Significance8047@reddit

Congratulations!

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After_Preference_885@reddit

Not me, my eldest is staring down 30 already, but my younger siblings are just starting.

Seems like they are having a blast and the kids are keeping them young and full of energy.

They also have a lot more money and time than I had as a young single mom. Their kids have everything, so much stuff.

I wouldn't change how I did it, I really loved being a young mom and I think it kept me out of trouble. But there are definitely benefits to waiting until you're ready!

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theluzah@reddit

'77 here and had my first at 15, my last at 32. the difference of having a pregnancy later is, in my experience, your back. Be kind to your spine and get a great body pillow for nights. Congratulations!!!

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princetrunks@reddit

I'm 42, wife is 39. We have a 7 year old and 2 year old. Grandparents definitely not around like ours and we both work busy jobs. Sleep is you most precious resource...take it when ever you can and don't let the stress distance you as a couple. Do what you can to let it keep you together. No joke some moron JPY-ENG English teacher/localizer who had a crush on my wife over 20 years ago stalked her online recently out of nowhere as the stress from his marriage and kids far away in Japan got stressful. People do insane crap under the stress of kids (him and his soon divorced wife in Japan have 3 kids). For him.. I wish karma hits him like a bullet train. Please, as a man, care for the wife/mother after the birth as much as you can. PPD can make people say things they don't mean. I'm the oldest of 8 kids but having your own is one hell of a challenge especially in a world where parents are getting less help than ever bfore.

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KRoadkil@reddit

Congrats! Always wanted a big family myself, but just didn’t happen.

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fullthrottletomboy@reddit

Daammm mine just bought her first house....good luck and God speed

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Throwaway_inSC_79@reddit

I’ll let you know.

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Ok_Degree3037@reddit

1980 with a 1 and 3 yo. Sleep deprivation and lower back pain are your enemies. Sleep when you can and get a rocking chair. You’ll survive and it’s easier likely being farther along in your career.

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Accomplished-Run221@reddit

Critically: Don’t!

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Dalionking225@reddit

Wife had our first and two months after I turned 40. Very active boy, very fun, but hard to keep up with. I’m tired in the daytime a lot. I would say get back on shape and do cardio to prepare lol and sleep less. Being a parent is a life of servitude. Find house cleaners, bay sitters, day cares and a village asap. Most of us don’t have the village anymore and it’s tough

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OffMeta13@reddit

I had our first at 36 and then at second at 39. Give yourself all the grace!

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JimmyJooish@reddit

There’s good and bad to it. Your body isn’t going to be able to keep up like it could have 20 years ago but you’ll be a lot better able to handle problems when they arise. The only thing I tell myself is that my child will have much less time with me and I’m at an age where I could realistically die of something tomorrow. Make sure that you share what’s important, understand they are going to fuck up, no matter how mad you get you’ve got their back, and teach them to be financially responsible.

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OkBaconBurger@reddit

So my wife is 4 years younger than me but she had our last one at 41. It’s doable but I am tired. She tired. We all tired.

Love my kids immensely though.

The good news is I am a better dad in my forties than I ever would have been in my 20s. That version of me was a total dumbass.

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JazzlikeAd1555@reddit

To quote Stephen Lynch “hey doctor, guy to guy. Would a really really late term abortion still fly?” 😂

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EvenLettuce6638@reddit

It'll be ok. Best advice I can give is be patient, and know that the kid will eat whatever you give them as long as they don't have any fast food. Once they get a taste of that they'll want to exist on french fries.

As a Xennial you'll know how great it is to grow up with screens. Don't be one of those folks who buys their 2 year old an iPad.

And be prepared for people to think the kid is your grandkid.

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WarhammerRyan@reddit

Congrats!

Just love the kid, accept who they are, and try to be patient.

Let them grow and adapt your interactions to be appropriate to their age and maturity. Dont treat them forever as "your little angel" - they will hate and grow to resent that sort of thing.

Just be there. Help them learn, help them grow, and show up. Thats the best you can do, and everything else falls in line after that

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