I am Spanish living in the United States, and I sent a message drunk to a girl, I am afraid it might harm me

Posted by Sea_Raisin_7632@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 31 comments

I am a man, and I have been living legally in the United States for years, even though I was born in Spain, I am almost an alcoholic, I drink a lot and a lot, and then when the alcohol runs out I feel bad, all this shit of addiction has messed up my life, I want to go to therapy after having done this, I need advice to become a better man

At my college this year, I met a woman from Brazil who is 18 years old, she is so beautiful that I lost focus on my studies, she has long straight hair, brown eyes, and has a nice body for being slim. I like this type of woman, with all due respect, one time I saw her giving a stuffed animal to her American friend, so I thought she had a certain openness to talk to everyone, that maybe she would be interested in me for being Spanish or would want to be close to me

When I found her Instagram, through a guy from college, I noticed that she is totally low profile, her Instagram profile picture has nothing, it is literally that default Instagram icon when we remove the photo, she has around 700 followers and does not post stories or anything, that day I did not follow her, I waited a few days to follow, she accepted my request but did not say anything to me, on that same day I had argued with my parents so I started drinking a lot and a lot, then I sent her a message on Instagram saying the following things “damn, you are so beautiful that I would kidnap you and only let you go if you gave me a kiss” I also sent a video that I had recorded with my friend's gun, it was not my intention to threaten her, it was not, I was very drunk that day, I went to sleep and when I woke up she said by message “you are weird, it seems like you are threatening me” and blocked me I thought damn I really was an idiot, I bought a rose to give to her another day, I apologized to her in person I was sincere apologizing, I said that I was a stupid piece of shit, and said that I would never do the things I did again, she did not have any expression of being friendly with the situation did not accept the flower just said "ok" to everything I said

My story is not trolling, I am a human being behind this screen who just wants help to become a better person, judging me, attacking me, will not help at all I want everything that can help me get out of this addiction, I am afraid that she will file a report against me or that the college will do something, I want to change, I want to become a better human being even knowing that what I did is unjustifiable, in 2022 I tried therapies but it did not work, this stupid addiction is ruining my life, please do not judge me

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No-Psychology2834@reddit

dude, you gotta work the program. Look for an Alcoholics Anonymous group near you. I know you said you tried already, but you have to try again until it sticks, otherwise you are going to get yourself in real trouble.

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No-Psychology2834@reddit

And as for the girl, leave her alone. Literally do not talk to her again. I can guarantee that you’ve already terribly freaked her out. Being a woman in this world is scary enough, don’t make it worse.

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Sea_Raisin_7632@reddit (OP)

thank you for not judging me, I hope she doesn’t report me, but I will understand if she does, but I am afraid of that, I will start therapy next week

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theGIRTHQUAKE@reddit

Will you start next week?

You’ve already found a therapist and scheduled your appointment for next week? Or are you trying to convince yourself you’re serious by telling the internet something you haven’t actually done yet?

This is your wake-up call man. Right now. Don’t look back in a decade or two as a homeless multiple felon with irreversible mental health damage and wish you’d put in the work to carve a better path for yourself.

Do it. Now.

And leave that poor girl alone.

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EvilKungFuWizard@reddit

As the old Chinese saying goes - "The best time to plant a tree was yesterday. The second best time is today."

Same goes for therapy and quitting booze.

InformalAtttiude@reddit

I was not expecting this when I clicked on this post holy shit.

You need to quit drinking, never interact with her again and pray that this doesn't fuck your life up later. Cause if I was her I probably would've reported this to someone.

Suspicious-Bass9276@reddit

The post has been deleted, what did it say???

T0m_F00l3ry@reddit

There are consequences for your actions. Own up, take responsibility, accept what comes and try to be better. It seems you only want to say sorry to make it go away. That's not how life works.

I am ready to deal with mine, and to become a better human being.

I wanted to go back again to apologize to the girl, even though I have already done that, I think it is necessary.

Jolly_Conflict@reddit

No.

You don’t automatically deserve closure just because you want it.

You're obsessing. You only care about what you want NOT what she wants. She doesnt want any contact with you. You need to respect that. If you continue, you will find yourself in jail.

theworldisendinghaha@reddit

Stop. Do not contact her again. Stop the harassment and leave her alone.

Embarrassed-Ant-1416@reddit

Definitely don’t contact her or look in her direction again or else she might file it. Trying to apologize again might just be seen as harassing her. She probably just said ok a bunch because she’s afraid of you, rightfully so, she doesn’t know your story only what you sent.

I wanted to go to her and explain my problems with addiction, I am serious, next week I will go to therapy, after this happened I have been dark

But why should she care if you go to therapy? It’s great that you are- really! But she doesn’t need to know that, she doesn’t want to.

withdrawalshot@reddit

Mmm, seek help. AA is boring as fuck but it works for those who truly want to change.

But there’s a very strong possibility that that’s not you yet.

So, let’s say the alcoholism goes on for years. Eventually, you will stop doing shit like this. You’ll just get whatever you need from it, occasionally do too much, and end up in the hospital.

I never did anything this mental. I mean, this is a different kind of drunken stupidity. But I did do stupid shit. I don’t anymore.

Still an alcoholic.

But it’s different now.

And I meant to write this in Spanish.

Seguirán las estupideces, pero no involucrarán a otros tanto como antes. Será auto-saboteo más que nada.

Pero bueno, hay AA por todas partes en los Estados Unidos. Y son tan amables o amigables que el conjunto parece una secta, pero no creo que lo sea.

As for the legal part, keep your mouth shut, explain nothing to no one, and get a lawyer. Ask them what to say and do.

Rasmatakka@reddit

I believe you when you say you did not want to threaten her. We do and say stupid things under the influence.

Try maybe the sub stopdrinking.

You might get more support over there, the people are really nice and know where you come from. Good luck to you, all the best!!

thank you very much man, I will do therapy next week, I seek to evolve as a man and a human being I was just a stupid idiot thank you for believing in me

Dude, this is a wake-up call to sober up. The booze is turning you into a creep and will get you into some major trouble - if you aren't in it already. Quit drinking, focus on bettering yourself, and stay away from women until you're a new man. Because right now you're a slow-motion trainwreck.

Muchacho, deja la botella que te va llevar el diablo!

I fear he is already a creep but the alcohol just diminishes his judgment.. drunk actions are sober thoughts

SilverToLead@reddit

The last time you posted this everyone told you she should call the cops on you for saying something obviously crazy. then you decided to mention you're an alcoholic. get help and leave her alone, just like everyone told you last time. You're probably hoping people will side with you. this is an expat group on reddit. get some actual therapy.

AlternativeServe4247@reddit

I’d go so far as to say you’re embracing this “I’m an alcoholic” as it’s the lesser of two evils. As I suspect you know that’s it’s not the real issue. That’s just the tip of an iceberg. You need some serious mental health support.

Your behaviours are criminal.

This won’t be the last time you do this will it?

I have no doubt this isn’t the first.

How long until you follow through and do something utterly horrific like you’re messaging?

Get help…. Or help yourself out.

Rsantana02@reddit

You told her that you want to kidnap her and showed a gun? Yeah, I would have gone to the police. Being drunk or an alcoholic does not excuse this behavior at all. Get help.

szeplassanfiuk@reddit

Do you want to be a better person or are you just worried about the negative consequences of your actions? That will determine your path forward

This isn’t expat related.

You need to quit drinking if you say things like you’ll kidnap people when you’re drunk 🤦🏽‍♀️

AcousticMayo@reddit

You are not a safe person, that is one of the worst opening messages I've ever heard. And then finding her and giving her a rose, you are dangerous. These are the facts

You have a lot to learn, and you're not "almost" an alcoholic, you are an alcoholic. Learn to respect women and see things from their perspective. Leave this poor girl alone

Haitsmelol@reddit

Unfollow her, leave her alone, don't look at her insta even if you get tempted. If you can't control your shit delete Insta from your phone.

Let's be real: you were a bit creepy on this, you have burned any possibility with this girl so let it go and move on. Learn from it. Don't be weird.

Focus on your alcohol problem. I would suggest you quit drinking, if you think it will be too hard join AA. I never had an alchohol problem personally, so maybe someone else can chime in but I think it's free?

Get your shit in order, don't be creepy with girls, focus on improving yourself and your life, then the girls will come.