Do you still talk to your parents?
Posted by Swiftiefromhell@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 1204 comments
Do you still talk to your parents? I’ve completely cut mine off for the rest of my life. Talk about two boomers who will never get what they did to me and continued to do. So no contact and no grandkids.
Mermaid467@reddit
We (58F twins) have had family dinner with our parents 90% of weekends since we finished college - late '80s. Mom stopped being able to manage the prep and cooking around... 2014? and my sister took over most dinners. Mom died in June, 2018, and now Dad, 87, comes to us (we live four miles apart, he lives 35 miles away) on Saturday nights. J. hosts about 3/4 of weekends, I do the rest. Dad takes us out for dinner now and then. 🥰😍😚
Comfortable-Pea-1312@reddit
No.
I miss the people they never were and they are happier with their version of events. My children are better off without that particular brand of toxicity. Breaker of generational harm over here, and honestly, I am proud of my honor and duty to my children and myself.
mortsdock@reddit
Indeed. Yes it is very freeing and I am glad my children will never have contact with my extremely abusive parents. I understand for some people they are conflicted if there were a lot of good times mixed in with the bad but in my case there was almost nothing. I can honestly say my parents should never have had children. I’m glad we have broken the cycle.
ManyInitials@reddit
This response has me gobsmacked in the very best of ways. Your response is incredibly thoughtful.
My mother has her version of our life. The realities were significant abandonment, housing and food insecurities etc. She was a beautiful perfect woman who would run off to France and leave some money in the counter.
As an adult everyone in my family apologized for letting it all happen. My grandparents wanted to adopt me for stability. She refused because it might look bad.
As an older teen/adult I realize she should have never had a child. There is an acceptance on my part. Her delusional mindset has helped me be an authentic realistic dependable person.
For many years adult me was the parent to her child. Then I became a mother. It’s been challenging to learn to parent myself and my child.
But now she is demanding a relationship with my child. A child who understands that my mother is “weird”. So now I must follow your lead and not expose my kid to that ongoing toxicity. Thank you for the clarity
Comfortable-Pea-1312@reddit
Its difficult. Familiar obligations and guilt will be weaponized against you. I too, was older than my years and 'parenting' adults, some helped and others made excuses.
But as we now know, it's the little eyes learning that must take precedent. Because they will never change. Freeing oneself from it means peace of mind for you and your family.
Someone once told me: we are all orphans in some way; be it life or choice.
Sending love and hugs❤️❤️❤️
Necessary_Fig_2265@reddit
Yes, every day. I bought a second house down the road from theirs so we can have our own personal Everybody Loves Raymond situation, it’s great. I’m lucky to have two parents that are a blast to hang out with and I love spending time with them.
Greenedeyedgem17@reddit
Feel bad for saying this, but I wish I could cut them out and I know I would be happier. I live with both of them and they’re both negative people. Their hobby is putting me down and attacking my self esteem which I have none any more. My Dad has told me to my face that I’m an asshole, stupid, lazy, fat and irritating and he blames me for everything bad that happens to him. Once he showed his hand with a pill in it and said it was my fault he has to take a blood pressure pills. I stay away from him as much as I can.
My Mom is too self absorbed and busy running everyone else’s lives. She’s her favorite topic. If the conversation turns to any other topic, she makes sure it comes back around to herself. If you mention an health issue you have, she takes over the conversation telling about how she had it worse. Three other of her siblings are far worse off with health issues.
I struggle with mental health and physical health issues. I’m bipolar and also have Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Diabetes, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Memory Issues and OCD. I’m on 11 different medications and one of my doctor’s wants me to follow up with another specialist which means more medications. I’m so happy about it. I’ve had cancer and 7 different surgeries in the last 8 years, but they say there’s nothing wrong with me, but laziness. 🙄
Sorry about the rant, it just feels good to get some of my stress and anxiety out. Don’t really have a support system. Thank you for listening.
MrsVandershears@reddit
I see you. You are not alone. I see reflections of my own story here and none of it is fun or easy and that kind of hurt runs deep.
Sending love from one internet stranger to another. It won't be like this forever.
wanderlust_2x1@reddit
My father abandoned the family when I was 8 and I don’t remember him. My mother was flawed but a human and she was a much better grandmother than mother. It was a joy to watch her evolve and grow when the littles came.
michbail79@reddit
I feel like I’m a much better grandma than mom. My first lessons were both “what to do” (when my mom did well as opposed to what my friends’ parents did) and “what not to do” (when she didn’t do as well). My next lessons were as I was parenting myself and realized my mistakes and tried to adjust. New habits take time.
As a grandma, and looking back on the mistakes I made, I have a new found grace for my mom who was doing the best she could.
Recognizing my mistakes, I have conversations with the kids about them, let them vent if they want, and apologize.
Unique-flowerlady420@reddit
Nope, I was adopted prior to them having a biological boy almost 4 years to the day from my birth. To say they are toxic is an understatement. Its been almost 5 years and life isn't a dream however it's not a toxic drain on my mental health either. I am no longer the butt of "jokes" nor their punching bag verbally, etc. I just can't believe it took me almost 52 years to put it together that they didn't actually love me, because I was told so often that I was chosen... Yeah, I was chosen... to be the target of their dysfunction! And now I am free!
PipEmmieHarvey@reddit
Yes, my parents live in a town four hours away. My sister lives half an hour from them. I try to call every week or two but sometimes slip. They are in very poor health and I should make more of an effort, but there’s little to talk about. They don’t understand my life and don’t have much to say themselves.
rbetterkids@reddit
My dad had cancer and right before it took his brain, he said sorry. I didn't expect it given he fought in Vietnam.
A few years after he died, I saw a 19 year old kid during a yearly training event for the army.
The kid entered the tent with his hat still on and Eye Pros (sunglasses) still on.
The OiC told the class the rules of an After Action Review and said he understood some who came in here with their Eye Pros on.
For some reason, I saw my dad in that kid.
Then I started to realize why all those years, my dad would wake up at 4am and guard the patio door. Even sometimes uprooting trees.
In his mind, he never got over the Viet Congs hiding in bushes and trees.
I'm not agreeing that everyone's parents here wwre right in how they treated you badly.
Just that some boomers got abused by the lost generation. So some boomers passed it to genX.
However, some if not many genX broke the generational curse by not doing it the next generation.
God bless everyone. If you're ever feeling alone, you are not and never will be.
If you look back in life, I guarantee you God was watching you.
MissMoppett42@reddit
Yes, we’ve worked through so much and have a great relationship. They have always been there when I needed them even when we didn’t see eye to eye. I’m very lucky for the family I have.
kittenbeans66@reddit
Yes, my parents are wonderful and I’m so grateful they are both still here and relatively healthy at 84!
RollingBarCart@reddit
My dad is 86 and I go twice a week (its a 40 min drive) We talk on the phone every day. Don’t love it, but I don’t hate it either. He’s all I have left. I love him and happy he’s still here.
HappyWithMyDogs@reddit
I miss my daily phone calls with my dad so much.
Sevenitta@reddit
Yes, especially my mother and they have both passed but that doesn’t stop me from speaking to them.
I thank my Dad often, like when I almost get in a car accident but I don’t because I wasn’t tailgating. My Dad always stressed the dangers of this.
I thank my Mom often and say other various things to her when something reminds me of her. Or sometimes when I realize I’ve made a wise decision about something I’ll thank my Mom, she was always a guiding horse in my life.
I don’t blame my parents for their shortcomings when I was young, I know they loved me and always did what they thought was best for me.
I can’t imagine and feel deeply sad for those who don’t have relationships with their parents.
PerformerGreat@reddit
Yup, I talk to my dad when I know if he was still here he would have something to say. Sometimes I agree with what he would say, sometimes I don't. But I feel fortunate he left a lasting impression on me.
Lupi_y@reddit
Lost my mom 8 years ago today, my dad 50 days later. So, no.
evil66gurl@reddit
My parents have passed and my only sibling also. They weren't perfect but I suspect they weren't parented very well and I think they did their best. They lived with me until the end. I do not visit their graves or mourn them. I miss my sibling however.
BundyGirl718@reddit
I wish I could… both parents and my only sibling are all gone.😢 I have an aunt that I talk to a couple of times a week and an uncle I talk to maybe once a month.
Bibliophile1998@reddit
Sending you a huge hug 💗
PerformerGreat@reddit
Dad died of a brain disease. Very thankful mother is still alive and healthy. I had a great childhood dad died too soon.
JTJonze@reddit
My mom texts me twice a day, every day. Once in the afternoon to tell me what she’s up to and once before she goes to bed to say goodnight. My dad messages me once a year around my birthday (I say around my birthday because he really isn’t sure what day my birthday is, but he comes pretty close most years).
Substantial_Ninja_90@reddit
Whew. A lot of bitter people here. Y’all need therapy.
Altruistic-Ad4075@reddit
I'm glad you said it I was thinking it. How could so many people dislike their parents he's such a degree they cut them out of their lives
SheCantGoHome@reddit
Likely because of things you were blessed to never have experienced. Be grateful.
WhiskeyAndWhiskey97@reddit
I’d need a Ouija board for that…
I kept in contact with my parents until they passed. I drove down to them every few weeks starting when my mother got sick. We had some major political and religious differences, but they were my parents.
Kind-Shallot3603@reddit
"But they were my parents" like thats some magical thing that helps you handwave the bullshit they spouted. You say you had "major political and religious differences" which you were ok with for.....what reason? Because they brought you into this messed up world?
TurboZenAgain@reddit
My cousin was homeless a major druggie and all he did was drive a truck and I listened to him encourage me to do stupid shit like crazy drinking, crazy dating, doing stupid shit that does not really help my current situation. I was going through a lot of life style recovery. I blocked him. He's gone. I am advancing nicely.
Much-Extension-4752@reddit
My Dad died in 2022. He was my Best friend. Still talk to my Mom. They both did the best they could. I could have had it better, could have had it worse. Not going to keep crying about my childhood and hold grudges. My stepmother hated me. Still does DGAF. She can rot. Step-dad was NOT the best person to me. We actually enjoy each other now. I could hate them all. They would deserve it. Stepmother can rot, she still hates me for some shit I didn't even do when I was 9 years old.
lb748s@reddit
Unless you were legit being abused, it’s sounds like a bunch of millennials posting on the GenX sub. 🙄
InteractionLost3936@reddit
Yes both of them, they are both very nice and funny people.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
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GenX-ModTeam@reddit
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Sweaty_Marzipan4274@reddit
Mom died in the hospital over a couple weeks. 4 siblings in town, no one visited.
She grew up in a shit life, but had a lifetime to correct that and not fk her kids up.
Sweaty_Marzipan4274@reddit
And my siblings are so fkd I don't bother with them either.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
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GenX-ModTeam@reddit
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Public-Bad-2846@reddit
I have dinner with my parents 5 nights a week.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
Aka you live with them and mom cooks dinner every night except on weekends or you just go out to eat - yes?
justwanttoseensfwtoo@reddit
I don’t either
Zufaellig@reddit
As much as possible but at least once weekly. They live in Europe while I am in the US. My Dad is the silent generation and my Mom is a baby boomer. I always say I won the Dad lottery, all throughout my life he has always been loving and caring. My Mom and I butted heads a lot growing up, but it all changed when I got sick. She showed up, twice, held my hand through chemo and cancer surgery. She just can’t show love as easily as my Dad but it’s there. I know how lucky I am with these two.
SheCantGoHome@reddit
No, and my life is better for it.
Careless-Site1002@reddit
Mine are dead. Dad 1982, Mom 2013. Silent Gen.
ThatOldG@reddit
All I have left is my uncle and we talk weekly
melodypowers@reddit
My mom died in an accident when I was 30. We had a bit of a fraught relationship but I think it would have gotten better had she lived. She would have loved being a grandma.
I talk to my dad and stepmom pretty often. About once a week but we also have a text thread with siblings and spouses where we all update one another and send photos. If it weren't for that, we would probably call more often.
I love texting.
No_Perception_2835@reddit
My father passed away last year. At the moment I have decided to be no contact with my mother due to her not understanding my boundaries and her not taking any accountability for any of the choices and actions she done over the past 30 years.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
I’m told to get over it, that it ain’t all about me, and that she gave birth to me not the other way around. Oh yeah and that the bible says children are supposed to honor their mother and father.
No_Perception_2835@reddit
Problem is it’s always been about them and never about us. Anyone who takes away from your own health or is toxic to be around doesn’t matter who they are. Access is not a given. It’s a luxury.
kcfdr9c@reddit
We could be siblings.
No_Perception_2835@reddit
Hey new sibling 👋👋
Novel_Willingness721@reddit
Yes. My mom and I text every day (NYT puzzle results) and I call my parents every Sunday on FaceTime.
gatorbabe25@reddit
Mom: no. Dad:yes
katzinthebuf@reddit
My parents have passed. I am now an orphan and even as imperfect as our relationship was, I miss them.
303FPSguy@reddit
One of em.
The other can die alone for all I care. Fuck that guy.
Me,me,me. All about him. Fuck that whole generation. Assholes. Seriously, fuck you. You ruined everything for everyone.
BigJLov3@reddit
Yes, but to no productive end.
The things that are important to me are, for them, fodder for ridicule or simply unimportant, so most conversations end in thought-terminating clichés.
My 4 year old niece pretty much dominates their attention, making it much easier to keep them at a serviceable distance.
I've been busting ass in therapy for a decade trying to find a way to develop SOME kind of respectable life. The first four decades of my life are a wreckage of bad decisions and consequences - failed jobs, relationships, projects, academics - resulting from previously undiagnosed ADHD, depression, and anxiety. Crawling out of that and sorting it out has been a Sisyphean struggle at best, and when I report positive changes, it's "good to hear things are moving along".
Okay.
See y'all on the next holiday.
Gold-Pilot-8676@reddit
Nope. Cut off my parents and sister almost 20 years ago. Best decision I ever made.
MadameMonk@reddit
This is a very relevant topic for me at the moment. I’ve helped and emotionally supported my mother my whole life. On big things and tiny daily things. It’s always brought me close to nothing in return, relationship-wise. But ‘family duty’ and habit keeps me doing it, and a hope that the end might be in sight? At 82?
This week she tells me she’s sold a family property, that all her kids and grandkids adore. For no particular reason, and under market value. No warning, no discussion and all settled before we even got the chance to go there to say goodbye. I politely hung up the phone, and have basically sat staring at my hands for the last 3 days. Grief, anger, frustration, resignation. The usual responses my body and mind play out regarding conversations with her. But this time I just can’t see myself picking up the phone to her again.
No dramas, no big breakup. But I’ve got nothing else to say, and no capacity left to listen. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
mlmercer1@reddit
Yes, I talk to my mom often. My dad passed when I was young and wish I could talk to him. Wonderful people. I wish many of you could have had the parents I had. I realize I was lucky to have them.
Dorcaszmeatbone@reddit
Nope. Neither one of them for more than three and and eight years respectively.
Federal-Membership-1@reddit
Multiple times per week. They just turned 80. We do all of the holidays and birthdays. They were a huge help caring for our kids when they were young.
falxarius@reddit
Twice every week, they fucked me over but they did not know any better, so twice every week we video chat on Alexa, ... and its all right
Pnthrmn7@reddit
Yes. We get along well.
Beyond_the_Matrix@reddit
No. Recently went NC after the election.
I am part of the s/EstrangedAdultChild club.
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community_rule_7}
Complete_Hospital283@reddit
🖕
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
Poor Behavior - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other overly cantankerous commentary and/or behavior will be tolerated.
mechele99@reddit
I miss my late parents but yes I used to talk to them if not every day, every other day. My siblings and I made sure they were fine.
Any_Doughnut4712@reddit
I wish I could talk to my parents. They are both dead.
shawnparker74@reddit
Not really. My dad died about five years ago. We had a period of a few years when we didn’t talk. My mom only calls when she needs something.
ClutterKitty@reddit
My mom is my best friend. My kids love her. I hope she lives to 100.
My husband hasn’t talked to his mom in a couple decades, except when she calls and asks for money. He’s 99% no contact with his father. (They’re divorced.) They don’t have a bad relationship, they just have no relationship.
barelybent@reddit
My parents are silent gen and I talk to them often. They’re great and my sibling and I feel very grateful because I know others in our generation had it pretty bad.
MommaLaughing@reddit
Mine are 85 years old and I, and my spouse, siblings, kids and all their grandkids and great grandkids are sooooo blessed to still have them!! I just love them so much. My husband and I are actually in the process of building on their 52 acre lakefront property (they gave us 13 acres). Supposed to be moved in this fall and can’t wait to have them as neighbors!
oface1@reddit
The ones that are alive, yes……
ntengineer@reddit
No.
My dad passed when I was 17.
My mom passed 9 years ago.
They made me the man, husband, father, and grandfather I am today.
I miss them so much. More than I could ever write down.
Quirky_Commission_56@reddit
Both of my parents were Silent Generation, and both of them are deceased. Mom in 2008 from liver failure because her doctor overprescribed codeine for her hip pain and my dad died in 2018 from an aneurysm. But when they were alive I had a great relationship with my mom and dad. I miss them both.
titlesquatch@reddit
Yeah, but they’ve been dead for years so they don’t have anymore advice to give me.
Beginning-Carob-6354@reddit
3 or 4 times a year I'll get a call from an unknown number that goes to voicemail, will be my mom talking about all the good things she did for me and how wonderful of a mom she was. She is usually drunk and asks for money.
100% no contact, I envy people that have a relationship with their parents.
Smokin_Hash_69@reddit
My dad died in 2018, we didn’t talk that much, we butted heads in my teens and 20’, had a much better relationship in my late 40’s then he passed. The issues were mine and I regret not making amends sooner than we did. Since then, I make a point to talk to my mom nearly 5 out of 7 days a week.
froction@reddit
I eat lunch with my father 3-4 times per week and see my mother often.
I love them, they're great.
whileurup@reddit
I just had to leave a baby boutique that I hadn't been to in 25 years bc my daughter is due tomorrow and I miss my mother so much and we used to go there for her. I just really really really would love to hug her again. And my Dad. They would love this time so much
Please hug your parents if you're still lucky enough to have them at our age. (Unless they were abusive twats)
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
Or was a narcissistic asshole who kept you from your father then gave you up for adoption when you were 7 yrs old, so old enough to remember, and left you to be abused by other people only to come back years later to tell you to get over it because life ain’t all about you. Maybe that person shouldn’t get a hug.
nomad_805@reddit
I cut off my parents recently and it was for the better. The relationship was too toxic. I don't have any remorse and I feel like a huge weight of guilt has been lifted off of me since they mutually wanted to end things permanently. Sad but it's okay. I'm okay with it and they are too.
SunshineandBullshit@reddit
I disowned my father 30 years ago. My mom lives with me. She was more of a victim than I was.
DantesGame@reddit
I do, but they don't tend to answer back. If they did I'd be terrified, or intrigued, given they've both been dead for awhile now.
Individual_Raisin684@reddit
My mom passed when I was a teenager and my dad left not only my mom, but my sibling and I, to start fresh and remarry a much younger woman and have a new family. When my half-sibling went off to college he all of a sudden wanted a relationship. But only when he felt like it. No thanks.
SBInCB@reddit
My Silent parents were alright. Not the best. Not the worst. We had a good enough relationship. We lived near each other and they enjoyed going to my daughter’s events. At the end, my sister and I did what we could for them when the time came and my sister even tried to get them to be more proactive before things got difficult but they were stubborn just like you’d expect. Anyway, I miss them and sometimes think I could have been a better son but mostly it’s alright.
Delicious-Disk-122@reddit
I wish that I could. My parents were not close to perfect. My father was objectively an awful human. I do consider it to have been an honor to be with both of them (30 years apart) on their last day. In their way, they loved me and found me to be delightful. That will never be replaced.
DavidStauff@reddit
My Ouija board broke so it isn't possible anymore.
SBInCB@reddit
Word.
iloveScotch21@reddit
My dad 1943 born technically Silent Gen and my Boomer mom 1950 born. They live 20 minutes away from me and they are great grandparents and parents. We meet regularly and do family vacations during the holidays. It’s going to be a huge loss to my family dynamic when they are gone.
KittenFace25@reddit
I do. Mom passed in 2016, and we did have a difficult relationship at times, but when she needed extra care, etc., I needed to be the one to step up to do that, my brother who lives in a different state wouldn't have been able to handle things. My dad still here and we have a good relationship. The only person I don't talk to is my brother.
dilan-spit_hot_fire@reddit
Nope. Being told I’m going to hell twice ended that bullshit. Religion is the worst thing to happen to humans in our history.
135BkRdBl@reddit
Mom and Dad have been give for a few years now but even when they were alive I talked to them all the time. Looking back on how they raised me I never really felt they did anything for or to me above the basics. They did their parental jobs and launched be from the nest in one piece. That's about it. Of course, it was the '70s and '80s and that's how most parents of GenXers were. When they died I really felt like they didn't owe me anything and I didn't owe them anything. It was a very cathartic feeling. I was there when they each took their last breaths on this Earth and for that I am grateful.
Individual-Drama-984@reddit
Dad was cool. Mom was bitch. I'm glad she didn't outlive dad's money.
stuck_behind_a_truck@reddit
I cut the maternal unit off after 23andMe introduced me to my actual biological father. I have a better, deeper, more real adult relationship with the family I found 6 years ago than the person I had to deal with for 50 years.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
Wow - had you been suspicious before taking the dna test?
stuck_behind_a_truck@reddit
No, not at all. I think she had fully convinced herself the lie was true. She definitely has vulnerable narcissistic qualities, so I think she rewrote history in her head and fully embraced it. I came from a one-night stand and she was cheating on her husband.
The only “tell,” which of course I could only understand as an adult, was that when I was 14, and we were broke once again, I asked why my dad left us and didn’t even provide money. She said she left him when she was 8 months pregnant and didn’t want money.
So there it is. I bet she couldn’t put two and two together herself - that she knew there was a paternity question and left the situation and didn’t ask for money to avoid the issue. But she had lied to herself and everyone else for 14 years at that point and decided, why not? Why couldn’t that be the truth? (Cue Bilbo Baggins scene, lol.)
The one other “tell” is when she declared that I was a “mistake and only existed because the birth control failed.”
If I had been a 1972 baby instead of a 1970 baby, I would have been a 1972 D&C. I gave her the abortion she wanted about two years ago. Somehow this produced the shocked Pikachu reaction.
Man, I’m glad I don’t have to live in her head. Way too much drama.
LadyKona@reddit
This thread is healing
Ninja-Mike@reddit
And for whatever reason, my mind I fixating on the people's parents that have passed. So I'm feeling the guilt.
LadyKona@reddit
I’m feeling LESS guilt
Live_Today1943@reddit
Absolutely not. I cut them off years ago, mom passed since then, and my dad keeps showing why I cut him off, too.
tc_cad@reddit
I wish. Dad died last June and my Mom back in February. My Mom had dementia and I haven’t had a conversation with her in years. I had last talked to my Dad on Father’s Day 2025.
Sensitive_Note1139@reddit
My father thankfully died when he was 43. I cut my mom off several years ago for her abuse. I went to visit my dying 92 year old grandma today. I haven't seen my aunts or grandma in years [precovid was the last time]. My two aunt talked about how great my mother was. After we left my husband told me that they are trying to get my to reconcile with my mom. We agreed the person they know is not the person I know. I realize they mean well and didn't push too hard. But they do not know their sister as well as they think they do. I told my one aunt before this if my mom would show genuine remorse and actually apologize for what she did, I would consider talking to her. I also told my aunt I don't expect my mom to ever do that because she isn't capable.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
Sorry to hear because that’s my story. Distant relatives thinks she’s such a kind person with no clue as to who she really is which is a mean narcissist. But unlike you at least one of my aunts knows the truth.
DocSteller@reddit
My mom died when I was 17. Got super close to my dad but in 2024 politics split us and I barely speak to him anymore.
soopirV@reddit
Nope- cut mine off 4 years ago after trying one last time to confront my mom’s malignant narcissism and encourage my dad to get her the help she needs. No dice- ended with my mom asking me if I enjoyed being molested by my brother because, if not, why didn’t I scream? And how she was molested as a child but didn’t burden her family with it.
Bye.
Ill_Western413@reddit
I had great relationships with my parents, I was the youngest of 5, with the oldest being 14 years older than me. My dad died in 2011 and mom in 01/2020.
dex3333@reddit
My dad died 20+ years ago.
I talk to my mom a couple of times a week. It is not nearly enough for her and a bit much for me.
My gen Z daughter still lives at home and I only talk to her a few times a week. It's not nearly enough for me and probably too much for her.
Chiccheshirechick@reddit
My dad died in 2008 and my mum last Wednesday so no not now.
MinnNiceEnough@reddit
Sorry for your loss
disharmony-hellride@reddit
So sorry about your mom. 💜
Squibit314@reddit
Both parents have passed. One in 2001 and one just recently. Talked to them up to the days they died and continue to talk to them. They just don’t talk back. Unless I trip going up the stairs then I know they’re sending me a message.
basscat474@reddit
I would love to but they passed away in 2014 &15. They had a good run though, happily married for 62 years and made it to age 83.
QuirkyLiteraryName@reddit
I would love to have a closer relationship with my dad but every time we talk it just breaks my heart. I got divorced five years ago and he’s never looked at me the same. He doesn’t know where I live, hasn’t expressed the slightest interest in my new husband or step kids. If I try to talk about anything pertaining to my new life he makes an agonized face and just waits for me to finish. He’s best friends with my ex husband (they got along well and had a good relationship when we were married but now you’d think he was the best person ever). I’ve been trying to win back some affection from him and it’s a lost cause. It hurts, so I’ve stopped trying.
CallMeDot@reddit
As little as possible. When I do talk to my mom, she makes me regret it. My father bailed on me as a kid, he makes attempts here and there to connect but loses interest fast. I’m tired of breaking my heart over him.
damageddude@reddit
Until they passed (silent generation).
bainstor@reddit
My dad can f-all the way off. Don’t even know if he’s alive or dead and don’t care. My stepdad passed away in 2014 and I do wish I could talk to him. My mom passed away in 2022. Not sure about that one.
HasturCrowley@reddit
I talk to my dad about once a week. I talk to my mom on holidays and birthdays. There's no bad blood. Just nobody does anything special, so there's never anything new to talk about.
purplechunkymonkey@reddit
My mother passed in 2003. I hadn't spoken to her since 99.
My dad lives with us.
My in-laws were just here. My MIL was bad at first but got therapy, apologized for her behavior, and has been good since. It was a nice visit. Husband and I have been together 20 years.
MyEvilTwinSkippy@reddit
I fulfil my family obligations and that's about it.
Duke-of-Hellington@reddit
Yeah. Same. They really are horrible people, and all they do now is sit around and brag about their rewritten history. It’s like, you know I was there, right? That is not how it happened
Avaloncruisinchic@reddit
My dad passed away 10 years ago and my mom is in a nursing home with dementia. It has been hell since my dad died. She got worse with her behavior. Combative and irritable most times. Come to find out it is part of dementia. Glad she is not traumatizing me nor my brother.
Recent-Tomatillo-863@reddit
Literally could have written this about me! Dad died 10 years ago. Mom is in memory care for late stage Alzheimers. Except for my parents have been divorced since I was 4 and I am an only child. Kinda feel like an adult "orphan" sometimes.😔
Dangerous-Art-Me@reddit
Not mom. She died in 2019, about six months before Covid. Really wish I could talk to her again.
I speak to dad once or twice a week. He’ll be 85 this year, so future opportunities for discussion are probably limited.
I’m a parent myself these days and I’ve come to realize that my parents were two imperfect humans (like the rest of us) who were doing the best they could (like the rest of us).
They were Silent Gen though.
sherlockjr1@reddit
I just used almost those same words. Two imperfect people doing their best. Silent generation too
CardinaLiz4@reddit
My parents were silent gen too. I have found at least among my friends that those of us with older parents did not seem to have the same toxic situations as those with boomer parents. Obviously I can't totally generalize, my experience only.
Ok-Till-5285@reddit
I am so sad reading these comments. My parents both passed about 20 years ago. They passed a few years apart and were wonderful if unconventional parents and I was blessed to have them. I wish peace for all of you who did not.
sherlockjr1@reddit
1996 and 2004. Two imperfect people with childhood trama that you didn’t talk about in that generation. They did their best. I was relatively young when they passed. I wish I could talk to them sometimes.
Cubbance@reddit
I talk to my Mom regularly. I have a really good relationship with her. I went no contact with my dad around
drbethaney@reddit
Mom died in 2011 and Dad died in 2021. Wish I could.
electromouse1@reddit
They cause me massive anxiety, but we still have brunch every weekend. They are alone, don’t have any friends left. I love them, but I spend time with them because it’s the right thing to do, not because I enjoy it. If I end up alone, I hope someone will spend time with me begrudgingly. Isolation is such a bad punishment for being annoying. They are fragile and can’t hurt me anymore. And I write down the passive aggressive and manipulative things they say for the villain in a book I am writing. So I can now enjoy the bad behavior. Because I would never come up with the doozies they can from a lifetime of bad wiring.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
After finally being comfortable enough to speak about my upbringing with a number of people, who were all shocked and said I should write a book, I’ve now decided to do just that…unfortunately the villain in my book is my mother.
Hairy_Personality167@reddit
That is me with my mom. Except no book
RadiantCarpenter1498@reddit
Haven’t spoken to my mother in years. Had a good relationship with my dad after reconnecting with him in my 20s. He was the best of all the grandparents to my kids.
sherlockjr1@reddit
In my family, you’re more describing my mom’s relationship with her mom. Greatest generation vs Silent generation.
Grandma was a badass but selfish. She had sort of a flapper thing going on in one of her old pics. My grandfather died on an icy night in a car crash right around Thanksgiving during WWII. My grandmother tried to take my mom’s inheritance. Mom literally went to court to emancipate herself from her mom as a result. Mom was a wild child, and a black sheep. Her mom never let her forget that.
Bitter-Hitter@reddit
No. Dad passed away and went NC with nmom twenty years ago.
Hefty_Advisor1249@reddit
Same here. I envy people who have normal parents. Everyone thinks it’s such an awful thing to go NC but it has actually been the best thing. With therapy I’ve been able to speak up for myself and drop all that toxicity. I hope you have found peace too
Alone-Imagination148@reddit
WilderKat@reddit
🤣 Is that you dad? 💀🪦
sherlockjr1@reddit
Yep
SMakked@reddit
About once a month. My parents were awesome. Had a great upbringing pretty much got what we wanted me and my sister. Mumsnd dad had rough childhood so they always said their kids will never have to go through it and we didn't.
gxfrnb899@reddit
I started having a great relationship with my dad later in my 30’ but unfortunately he passed away fairly young. Cut my mom out years ago best thing for wife and kids
OddSand7870@reddit
Talk to my mom all the time (dad is dead). They both are/were silent generation so not a lot of the stuff that boomers do.
johnrgrace@reddit
No; dads dead and mom wants to kill my very autistic child. Mom is undiagnosed high masking autistic.
Intrepid_Practice956@reddit
Agh! I think it took my parents a while to understand we were doing the best we could with our asd child. I think for a while they thought we were just being too permissive and going along with his food limitations, for example, but over the years they've come around. They never disliked him, but recently both have talked about what a great guy he is.
WyoGrads@reddit
No
genxjackolantern@reddit
My parents are boomers who divorced when I was 5 in 1975. They both remarried shitty weirdos in my dad’s case twice. At the age of 56 I’m finally coming to terms with their utter hood rat behavior during my childhood and adolescence through even my 20’s. I’ve confronted them about some things and their response was DARVO. I was a good, loving kid who did her best, including allowing my labor to be trafficked summers in jr. high bringing in almost 1.5k working as a child domestic 50 hours per week during which time neither my mother nor my step father who tried to groom me but failed were employed. I supported myself outside the home senior year of high school, they refused to let me get my drivers license and refused much needed orthodontia or help with the beauty college they forced me to attend later. They refuse to have a relationship with me unless I lick the boot. So the answer is no, I don’t talk to them because I respect myself. Boomers are an exceptional generation, there has ever been one like them before or since during the current or prior century it seems.
BigMike731@reddit
Yes. My parents divorced in 2005. They still remained friends. They now both live in my house with separate bedrooms and share a bathroom. They go on vacation every year and are enjoying their respective retirements. I see and talk to them every day and I am grateful for that.
sherlockjr1@reddit
My boss is like this. He cares about her, if she calls he will go and help her. But they can’t live in the same house anymore
Inevitable_Split7666@reddit
Mine are both gone.
My mom passed three months after I turned 16 and my dad died in May.
I would do anything to talk to them again even know we were not close at all and we barely knew each other.
criscodisco6618@reddit
I had been meaning to, so I got a ouija board off Amazon and now my hallway doesn't lead to my bedroom anymore, so I don't imagine I'll be doing it again.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
Wait…what???
angel_Eisenheim@reddit
Nope. I have zero desire to have a relationship with 2 people who are mentally stuck at the age of 14, while seeing and speaking to me like I’m still a toddler. They feel entitled to me, my time, my money, and my home, all while they didn’t even provide services that were legally required of them when I was still a minor. I’ve twisted myself every which way to change our dynamic as an adult and if I continued to try, a part of my real self would’ve died. They are not people you can have a serious conversation with. So much mental illness and cluster b personality disorders and inability to take in the slightest hint they might have done something wrong. There is no value in a relationship with them. I don’t care that they’re human, I don’t care that they did the best they could, I deserved better than 2 people who stopped learning new things in 1968.
sherlockjr1@reddit
Two Silent Generation parents. Both have passed.
cellshock7@reddit
Some of these replies are so sad.
I didn't have a great relationship with my Dad until I was in my twenties--a college grad in the workforce and getting over a failed relationship and engagement. All my childhood years I took my Dad's tough love as no love but later learned that he didn't really know how to express himself, and despite wanting the best for me often parented me the way his dad dealt with him (he was the black sheep, so, not very lovingly).
We had some good heart to heart talks and he became a close friend. When he died about 10 years ago, weeks before his first grandchild was born, I was heartbroken. I really understood him more as I got older, and especially now as a parent and homeowner. I really needed some fatherly advice, but he was gone. I felt so alone, not having my Dad to answer the tough questions from a husband and father's perspective. I still get sad if I think about it too long. Thanks be to God I pushed through, but I made a lot of mistakes and wish he was here to enjoy our memories together with his grandchildren, laugh about sports and old movies, and enjoy the talks one more time.
That's why some of these posts in here are breaking my heart. If your parents are still alive, be graceful with them, understanding that hurt people hurt people. Honor them. Cherish them while you have them. If you don't you'll deal with a heavy burden once they're gone (it won't go away when they die, you'll just pretend it's not there).
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
Oh please! Keep judgmental comments to yourself.
Gold-Fall-8768@reddit
And know that some people could not care less if their parent died tomorrow.
livinitup0@reddit
I know you had good intentions here but man… way to dismiss a lot of people’s trauma
Odd_Truth_5119@reddit
Yea, he doesn't realize you don't get to be worshipped just because you had sex and forced more humans into your messed up reality.
AccomplishedChart475@reddit
this is pretty nearsighted. honoring and cherishing those whose abused me, emotionally and physically, is never going to happen. i've spend thousands of dollars in therapy to undo the damage from them -and the damage i did to my life before starting therapy. yea, no.
Specialist_Energy335@reddit
Are you kidding me? That is a horrible way to ignore and dismiss the trauma people have been through. Daddy wasn't warm to me growing up is nothing compared to physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Don't forget the neglect. People like you will never understand. Bad things really do happen to kids by the hands of their parents. It's not just a news story to lament. Nobody needs your sad feelings.
b_o_m@reddit
Yes, not often but we still see each other from time to time. In fact, just today I took my Pops to a car show in town. They're not getting any younger and I'm trying to get whatever time I can with them.
Last_Energy_2000@reddit
Dad passed away last year, I keep in contact with mom. Eventually would like her to move close by but she is in a nice retirement community with friends and family. Never had issues with my parents. My issues were not living up to the self imposed unrealistic expectations an upper middle class upbringing can have on one’s self.
Melodic-Classic391@reddit
My wife is close to hers, they talk multiple times per week and we see them often. We see my mother about 4-5 times per year, and only if my wife makes it happen. We don’t talk on the phone. I’m very low contact with my mother even though she live very close by.
TheBarbarian88@reddit
Man, I seriously get depressed reading some of these stories. My childhood wasn’t the greatest but my parents were always there for me when I needed them. I saw my mom today and hopefully will see her again before the week is over. My dad died a few years ago.
thegreatcerebral@reddit
You are right. How people let things like politics and nonsense get between them is sad. People aren’t perfect forgiveness is free.
katmc68@reddit
Their reply stated "my parents were always there for me when I needed them."
Making the decision to stop contact isn't usually about "politics and nonsense." Lots of horrible people also happen to have children. Some people have parents who were never there for them.
I went no contact with my father after he was sentenced to 146 years in prison.
Intrepid_Practice956@reddit
Aieee
Clear-Tale7275@reddit
Many of us were born to people who were too self-absorbed to be decent parents. Don't dismiss other people's trauma as nonsense
Sleeplesshelley@reddit
You haven't met my mom. She spouts right-wing nonsense unprompted from the hateful lying news she reads online. She believes that garbage, but not what her own children tell her. I have a phone relationship with her, but more than a few days at her house is not bearable
gigglybeth@reddit
Same with my mom. She literally not talk about anything without injecting politics into it. When I started putting up boundaries about no politics, she could barely hold a conversation anymore.
yellowlinedpaper@reddit
I think a difference in politics is fine, I think when hatefulness is infused in your politics, it’s extremely hard to ignore.
Sorry_Lecture5578@reddit
If there's one thing ive realized, you dont have to talk to people just because you share DNA. Make the family you want that makes you happy and put the trash out where it belongs.
Human_Call6322@reddit
Mine divorced in 1989 but I call both nearly every single day.
shady_robot@reddit
I’m extremely fortunate: mum and dad are both alive, healthy and married for over 56 years. We align politically, they’re both relatively healthy, and they grow more lovable with each passing year. They are so easy to make laugh now. I see them every Sunday for lunch. I ride motorcycles with my dad, garden with my mum. I always feel like I’m bragging, but I honestly just feel so lucky to have what I have. They haven’t always been easy, and they definitely made some mistakes when they were younger, but I adore them.
jderflinger@reddit
This is great to hear! I do not have that relationship with my mom, never really been close, I am glad people have those relationships with their parents.
Intrepid_Practice956@reddit
My mom is also much easier to make laugh now. She used to hardly ever "get" jokes but when she did, she'd laugh a lot. Maybe now Im better at telling jokes she'd laugh at.
shady_robot@reddit
I’m sorry you didn’t get the relationship that you deserve. 💔
No_Prompt_992@reddit
Well my mom didn't raise me so I only talk to her if I take the time to call her and even then she couldn't care less.My dad,who I only found when I turn 45 ( Thank you Ancestry.com) talks to me everyday and we go to breakfast at least once a month.
turrboenvy@reddit
My parents were imperfect people, but they did their best. Mom passed away 4 years ago after a short fight with cancer, but I see my dad more now than I did in my 20s or 30s. Its been great, honestly.
River-19671@reddit
I (58F) still talk to my parents (80s). They are in the silent generation.
socksthekitten@reddit
Nope, they are still abusive in their 80's
Keldrabitches@reddit
I’m fully enmeshed with my remaining parents—my mother and stepdad. I’m chronically ill, which was not apparent till my 40s. My stepdad is totally cool; my mother however, is a narcissist that used to beat the shit out of me for arguing with her—till I kicked her ass across the room at 12. Our sadomasochistic relationship is painfully evident for anyone with senses, and she feels obligated to me because she is hyper-responsible/guilty for what a piece of shit she was. Not ideal. But lucky to have them. That poor guy. I always tell him: Te vas al cielo!!! For putting up with her. And me
Slight_Succotash9495@reddit
My mom is ny best friend. Besides my husband she's the only other person I trust with ny real self. My bio dad i hadn't spoke to in 15 yrs bc he was an alcoholic & I couldn't trust that around my kids. He passed away in March 2025. His side of the family still havent told me he passed.
OldGamerX79@reddit
No.... There are so many reasons and I don't see them changing or acknowledging what they did. It's ok as they are toxic AF and I don't need that in my life
OtterMumzy@reddit
No. It’s a long and sad story and I’ve asked dozens of times to go to family counseling to gather but they refuse. My kids barely remember them.
hapster85@reddit
Yeah. Text with my mom more or less every day. Talk on the phone periodically. See them a couple of times a month.
steamboatmcqueen@reddit
I do not speak with my mother. 3.2 years and counting now
upnytonc@reddit
Yes. But, I feel it’s very surface level conversations. Never anything very deep. We’ve never seen eye to eye politically and the divide has only deepened over the years. I absolutely refuse to discuss politics with them. I’ve gone as far as getting up and walking away when the conversation goes that way. I live 700 miles away from them, so that buffer helps.
Intrepid_Practice956@reddit
Yes, though they have been NC with each other for years
Intrepid_Practice956@reddit
And my husband's parents were nc with each other too, but Harry (not him) died some years ago. He had brain cancer but died in an accident before the cancer got him.
One-Sock7417@reddit
I don’t speak to any of my family. It’s been 18 years of pure peace and serenity since I cut all ties. Their toxicity was weighing me down.
jbenze@reddit
My father is working his way into dementia but I do still speak with them both.
muskybeagle@reddit
Can’t.
bi_nonymous_76@reddit
Nope. Probably won't go to their funerals either.
Bubbly-Vehicle604@reddit
Of course I do. I love my parents more than anything in the world.
Conan4457@reddit
Yeah, life is too short to be angry over crap that happened decades ago. Besides, I live in a different city, lol.
zabacam@reddit
Yes. My folks are Silent Generation - sort of the Gen X of their day 😃 I’ve had pockets where my Mother and I didn’t talk much and due to political temperament my Father and I have a strained relationship for the first time, but we still talk. We still see each other almost every week.
Logintheroad@reddit
My dad passed away 16yrs now. Haven't spoken with my mother in 26yr's. I hope she's either dead or for another 26 peaceful years.
Bflatclar1981@reddit
Nope. Had 12 years of NC. Just in time to save my marriage, but not the first 45 years of my life, and those are pretty important years.
hostileadmin@reddit
The one that still lives, yes.
Charleenie@reddit
Talk to my mom multiple times a week. She is 78 and we just went on a vacation together. Wish I could talk to my dad but he passed almost 22 years ago at age 57.
AlexHellRazor@reddit
I do and always will whilw I can. They raised me, they did everything they could to give me good life, I wouldn't be me without them. Sometimes they were wrong, sometimes I was, we are all humen, But Ilove them and always will.
LeanButNotMean@reddit
Mine are also both still alive and have been married for over 60 years. They did some things right and some things wrong, but I think they always just wanted what was best for me. Now they’re 88 and 86 years old, and I know the time I have left with them is getting shorter and shorter. I see them almost monthly and talk to them almost every day. Whenever I feel a bit irritated with them, I remind myself that I will miss them terribly after they’re gone.
nutellaisgross@reddit
Exactly. I talk to my parents and visit them as much as I can.
Bosanova_B@reddit
I still do. It’s hard sometimes due to political differences. Though they have both learned that we just don’t need to talk about that with each other anymore.
Estef74@reddit
My parents bought the house next door to me a couple years ago to be closer. My wife was thrilled when that happened 🤣 and jokes it's like everybody loves Raymond, but it's really not. She is still pretty close with her mom although she lives 6 states away. Her dad on the other hand, she justifiably avoids like the plague.
EvilDan69@reddit
Yes to both who are will happily married
S509@reddit
My parents were silent generation. They had 4 boomer children between 1955-1964. I came along in 69, an “oops“I was a rhythm method baby.(early attempt at birth control for Catholics) My closest sibling, my sister, passed away in her 30’s. She was very close to my parents too.I ironically was the closest to my parents. Used to talk almost everyday on the phone with my Mom. My oldest sister didn’t understand my relationship with my Mom. She was confused why we would talk so much. She hypothesized that I must have needed constant advice on parenting my children. She couldn’t fathom that my mother was probably my closest friend. I’m so lucky that have that relationship with my children especially my oldest daughter. I miss my folks so much and am kind of angry that I didn’t have them longer like my ungrateful older siblings who had them and got to have their children know my parents longer.
britlover23@reddit
they may have treated you better.
tpauly0225@reddit
I’m very fortunate. Yes I do.
smoothAsH20@reddit
Unfortunately both of mine are dead.
Dad drank himself to death. Mom was in a car crash and passed.
So no I don’t talk to my parents anymore.
I do talk to my in-laws as they needed assistance and since I have a big house we moved them in with us. Better with us than in some crap hole nursing home that will not provide them the care they deserve.
Mandinga63@reddit
Only by Ouija Board
mojozeppy@reddit
My mom died almost 10 years ago and my father who is currently 85 moved in with me shortly after my mom died. I miss my mom every day. We were very close. She was 18 when she had me and was like my older sister even though she was my parent. They were young and they didn’t know what they were doing, but they did the best they could. I talk to my dad every day and very grateful for the time that I have with him right now. 🤍
Amyarchy@reddit
I live in my mom’s basement, lol. Helped take care of dad through his ALS and I’m here for her to the end. We bought this house for exactly this purpose. I’m so incredibly lucky to have an amazing silent gen mum. I’ve never been normal. 🤣
Visible-Ad9836@reddit
Dad passed away couple yrs ago,haven't spoken to mom or only sibling in 25yrs
Economy_Lavishness45@reddit
Same situation only my mom died during covid and I didn’t go to the funeral. Dad and brother have been cut out.
Lopsided-Employer-57@reddit
Yes, even though they’re both deceased.
ScaryIntrovert@reddit
Perfect answer. Same here. ❤️
chevytravis@reddit
Haven't talked to my mother in 30 years started talking to my father about 10 years ago after not speaking to him for about 22 years and I only talk to him about once every 2 or 3 months.
RcF83@reddit
My mom just passed but I haven’t spoke to my dad in years and for good reason, as we’ve all gotten older he’s turned into narcissistic know it all and his way of dealing with something that he’s fucked up is to play the old I don’t recall card, how convenient. FU Old Man
2donks2moos@reddit
I am very fortunate to still have both of my parents AND they have been awesome parents. They live next door to me.
Music19773-take2@reddit
I lost my mom five years ago, and I buried my dad last October. I would give anything and everything for five more minutes with them. They were my everything.
lifeisfascinatingly_@reddit
There is literally nothing I wouldn’t give for just an hour with my Dad. I’d sell my soul to the devil.
spicolie22@reddit
I totally envy this from the people who can say it. My mom was wonderful and passed away too young from cancer, but of course my shit dad lived to be 83, and managed to make every interaction miserable for his last several years.
Ilovemytowm@reddit
I dream of my parents a lot.... Good dreams happy dreams dreams were they are alive and I'm confused and I asked them in the dream so you never died... You are still here.. and they tell me they did not die... but I know they are lying to me. But it feels so God damn real that it freaks me out and I wake up really confused for a second or two.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Well they seem like decent parents unfortunately mine are not.
Remarkable_Chart7210@reddit
I wish it was different for you.
Justme_JustMe_@reddit
Dad passed when I was 7 yrs old. Mom is currently 94 yrs old and lives with us. He
weyun@reddit
My mom was terrible and now she’s dead. My father was less terrible and I talk to him once a week.
disco_super_bi@reddit
I still have a relationship with my father (who I met at 25yo) and the stepfather who raised me, but I went no contact with my mother about 5 years ago.
dragonflytattoogurl@reddit
I just went to Cabo with my parents, I’m trying to spend as much quality time as I can while they are here and able
RUN_DMT_@reddit
Minimally. They were not stellar parents, to say the least. I’ve largely let it go, because what’s the point in staying mad? I don’t feel a lot of connection with them though, and it seems like the feeling is mutual.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community_rule_7}
LessLikelyTo@reddit
I text my mom sometimes. They voted for him. Twice. It destroyed our family and I’ll never forgive them
yellowlinedpaper@reddit
Not 3 times? Which one didn’t they vote for him?
GeoHog713@reddit
I fished with my dad this morning and then my mom showed up with lunch
h3rs3lf_atl@reddit
No contact 15 years ago. They have since passed, I did not attend either of their funerals.
yellowlinedpaper@reddit
What was your final straw? The only person I’ve ever cut off was a grandmother. I refused to even visit her deathbed when she asked for me. Horrid woman
Rough_Condition75@reddit
I was with both my parents yesterday (they’re divorced) and my father today. I chat with my dad daily on Facebook throughout the day and talk to my mom on the phone every evening. I host holiday diners they both attend
Gavacho123@reddit
Yeah I talk to them several times a week,
Veruca_Salty1@reddit
I talk to my Mom daily, see her twice a month or more, I see my Dad every few months for dinner.
i_sawthat@reddit
Dad in palliative care stage so yes I talk with him regularly, Mum and I always talk even though she frustrates tf out of me. Our parents bought my brother and I up well imparting healthy values along the way
Marlou1313@reddit
My father passed away 30 years ago. I talk to my mother multiple times a day!
Intelligent-Ad-7816@reddit
Lost my dad a few years ago still talk to mum on facetime but not seen her physically for over 17 years
xrobertcmx@reddit
Both, my mother has serious mental health issues and tends to blurry fantasy with reality. My father (they are divorced) loves to promise everything and then not show up unless it is a real crisis.
GrandMoffJerjerrod@reddit
Dad has passed, mom is an over the top uber born again narcissist. So no to dad and rarely to mom. 😞
Fit-Tap7111@reddit
Not a lot. Lots of dysfunction and alcoholism.
ItsTheEndOfDays@reddit
ironically, I talk to them both more after they died.
atx78701@reddit
Have dinner with my parents and my family weekly
See my wife's mom 4-5 weeks a year when we go visit
pm_ur_duck_pics@reddit
I keep it polite, but I definitely stepped way back from my mother. My dad is gone.
inkandimages@reddit
Nope. In the same situation as you are. 😢
caryn1477@reddit
Out of state visiting them now.
joshtalon@reddit
Mine died in '92 & '09, so it's a bit one sided.
Sudden_Fix_1144@reddit
Nope…. But they’ve passed on….. wish I could
globalnofap@reddit
I cut them off 10 years ago. My bpd mom and enabler dad were destroying my mental health.
The_Atlantic_Sea@reddit
My Mom became one of my best friends. She died way too young (sixties). She was a wonderful mother and grandmother, and I still miss her every day. My dad died a few years ago. We would talk occasionally but sadly were no longer close.
TheDisagreeableJuror@reddit
I’m trying to decide what to do with my (boomer) Dad. He literally never rings me. Before Christmas, I rang him and have been waiting for him to reciprocate. He hasn’t. We had some terrible news about a member of our family. I didn’t hear from him. So after a fortnight, I went to check on him. He somehow managed to turn the conversation onto himself. That’s standard. My daughters were recently in their the school play. My eldest was the lead. And then had a huge part in a theatre production. She’s only 14 and completely nailed it. I texted and asked him to come. Twice. He never answered about either production. Now we are in a stand off. I don’t particularly want to speak to him again. And it’s definitely not my turn to chase him. If I raise this, he will make it all my fault. I’m so tired. Advice welcome!!
RoughWoodCarpntWorkr@reddit
Advice? Well... (with the caveat that I have only the slightest understanding of interpersonal relationships among the British)...
Is there anyone from your past, probably someone with whom you worked, with whom you were cordial, even friendly, but not ever truly friends? So if you ran into this person, or if they contacted you, you'd still be polite, of course, cordial, even somewhat friendly, but not at all emotionally invested in the conversation, nor in the relationship itself? If so, that's exactly how I think you should treat him.
(And I'm truly sorry you and your daughters don't have the father/grandfather that you deserve.)
nrith@reddit
My mom, yes, about once a week.
My dad, I would give anything to be able to talk to him again, but I have to settle for talking to his gravestone once a year.
AForse@reddit
This. As I enter my 60s, I’d give anything to talk to my dad again (or even just hear his voice..) So many questions to ask, wonder what he thinks about things..
nrith@reddit
I recently found a bunch of his voicemails from 2013 to 2025, and they’re precious, even if it’s just a “Hey, it’s your dad. Call me back.” I wish, Dad, I wish. 😢
SemperFudge123@reddit
My parents are both closing in on 90 and are doing well enough. I talk to them at least weekly and see them when we can - just saw them today at the 1st birthday for their first great grandchild!
Majestic-Pilot3718@reddit
I talked to my mom daily until the day she died 1.5 years ago. I talk to my dad everyday.
REDDITSHITLORD@reddit
Eh? maybe I'll call the old bastard tonight. Dad was an abusive drunk who scared the shit out of me on a daily basis. When mom died unexpectedly, It changed him drastically. Now he's just an old man I drink with once a week, and hear the same old boring stories from. There's something weirdly comforting in talking to him. He's an ass. But... connecting with him later in life? Eh... It's not too bad. Maybe I'll call him tonight.
TheBigBadDuke@reddit
I cuss my mom out all the time. She's been dead since 2016.
shutupandevolve@reddit
My dad died ten years ago and my mom, a year ago this month. I miss them both, every day.
polipolimist@reddit
I feel you & sending hugs. My mom died 12 years ago. My dad is still around, but he was cheating on my mom while she was sick. He married his mistress less than a year later. I (his only child) wasn’t invited to the wedding. So, I pretty much lost both parents when my mom died.
Tscotty223@reddit
Both of mine are gone.
Bird_Watcher1234@reddit
Yes. My dad died in 1998, we were so very close, he was 73 when he died. My mom is still alive. She just turned 75. We have a complicated relationship because she’s hurt me more than anyone ever in my life, more like betrayal, but she did have a habit of slapping me in the face. I do wish she would apologize but I don’t think she’s capable of admitting mistakes. My dad loved her so I honor his memory by not hating her. My son and brothers really love her and I love them so very much and I don’t want to cause drama for their sake. I don’t usually talk to her or spend time with her without one of the guys with me. She’s a lot nicer when they are around. She didn’t remarry and he’s okay but she’s not very nice to him.
tango421@reddit
Dad passed quite some time ago. I’m already older than he was. I still talk to mom, she has some quirks, but yes, I do still maintain contact.
AccomplishedChart475@reddit
nope. i feel nothing for them anymore. in fact, i can go weeks without even thinking about them.
Odd_Truth_5119@reddit
I usually can't go more than a day or two without thinking about the trauma they caused and how they still expect to be worshipped.
AccomplishedChart475@reddit
a couple years ago i tried one more time for the sake of my kiddos. if they would have acknowledge everything that took place, i may have done a holiday with the kids here and there. instead they doubled down. it was a relief actually because the truth is i'm so much healthier without them.
Novel_Ad5470@reddit
My dad passed away in January. I miss him so much. My mom is healthy and independent at 81.
And yes, I still talk to them both all the time. 😊
sans_deus@reddit
I had great parents. Dad died about ten years ago but I talk to my mom all the time.
Agua-Mala@reddit
My dad no. My mom is great a little loca, but a good mom and inspiration to me.
ccmp1598@reddit
I haven’t talked to either of my parents since they died
1964ImpalaSS@reddit
Wish I’d cut mine off years ago. Now both deceased but the damage they did to me was horrible.
scholly73@reddit
Minimal contact with my mom none with stepdad. My dad passed when I was 28 unfortunately. He was a good man. My parents are narcissists tho. Very awful upbringing. I minimize my contact for my sanity. We live far apart too.
cbatta2025@reddit
I recently moved back to my hometown and 3 blocks from my parents who still live in the house I grew up in. I see them several times a week and text daily. Their 64th wedding anniversary is tomorrow.
B9M3C99@reddit
To be fair, this is likely less about generations and more about narcissists. So, yeah, if your parents are narcissists, you prob have to go no contact to protect your peace. However, if they're damaged by their upbringing as well, I try to cut them some slack. Previous generations were never expected to admit or deal with psychological issues. It sucks but it's unlikely they'll evolve at this age. Lucky us that we've been expected to be all things to all people. Sigh.
asez5@reddit
My dad died three years ago. I visit my mom monthly, she’s hard to have a conversation with. I miss my dad terribly
ljinbs@reddit
Both are deceased
recastablefractable@reddit
Not for about 10 years now. I finally realized they were never going to stop finding new ways to cause harm. They weren't interested in being accountable for abuse they perpetrated when I was a child, and they were milder but still harmful to my spouse and kids. My family is steeped in addicition, abuse and other dysfunction. I went in the military when I was 18 to escape them. I go to therapy and continue to heal, grow, learn. They drink, drug and wreak havoc while claiming they love the people they stab in the front and the back.
xBobaFattx@reddit
I'm sorry, friend. Similar thing here.
It's funny because my kids used to ask me why I joined the military and I always just gave a basic answer to protect them and not tarnish their image of my parents. One day my buddy asked me the same thing when we were out with my kids who are adults now. I told him "to get the fuck out of my house and away from my parents" not realizing that my adult daughter heard it. She was heartbroken for me, because she never knew. She gave me a big hug and just said "dad, I can see it too don't worry".
recastablefractable@reddit
Yeah, I'm sorry you know what that's like too. My father joined the Navy for the same reason but he wasn't able to a avoid repeating cycles of harm after he got out. My spouse and I met while we were both in. I got out at the end of my enlistment, when I was pregnant with our oldest. There was no way we were letting either of our families have our kiddo if we both deployed. We didn't have anyone we trusted if we both deployed at the same time. Turned out to be a good idea as both spouse's unit and mine deployed for 9 and 6 month deployments respectively when our kiddo was 6 months old. Spouse's deployment got extended twice.
I regret how long it took me to see the "for the sake of the kids' relationship with their grandparents" for the bullshit it is when it comes to abusive families. I'm grateful we managed to raise our kids emotionally healthy enough to see through the bullshit. They were relieved when the estrangement finally came. They clocked pretty early on that there were issues.
Nomailforu@reddit
We might be related. I also completely cut off my family from my mother’s side. Nothing but a bunch of addicts, thieves, and liars.
recastablefractable@reddit
It's a pervasive problem for so many people.
username-fatigue@reddit
My parents are two of my favourite people! I'm very lucky.
Dad has dementia but is still a sweetheart. Mum had two strokes last year but has made an incredible recovery. It's hard watching them age.
WalnutTree80@reddit
Mine have both passed, sadly.
I was the final child of Greatest Gen and Silent Gen parents.
Illustrious_Big_6357@reddit
Same. They both lived long enough to meet their grandkids, at least.
Neither-Dentist3019@reddit
I talk to my mom every week. My dad is in a care facility due to dementia so I don't really talk to him. I used to when he was still home but it wasn't exactly a conversation.
whippy_grep@reddit
My sainted momma will be 88 in a few months; we text and/or talk 5 or 6 days each week. My dad passed away in ’02 and I miss him. My parents in-law passed in ’12 and ’21, respectively, and they were good people.
Jane-The_Obscure@reddit
dad's dead, low contact with my mom.
TwistinInTheWind@reddit
Lost my dad 2 years ago and miss him every day. In a few months I will be moving out back to Wisconsin from Minnesota and will be living with my mom for a while. She turns 80 next week and is fairly healthy, but I need to not live so far away from her anymore. I know that I am very lucky to have the parents and siblings I have, but it bugs me when the generalization is made that Gen X hates their parents.
redcrow2010@reddit
One parent has passed the other is cut off. My decision.
jumpyjumperoo@reddit
Wish I could. I would give up a lot to have that chance again for both of them.
CrazyButterfly11@reddit
Same here. Sending you big virtual hugs
jumpyjumperoo@reddit
Right back atcha
DiogenesXenos@reddit
Every day.
PlentyIndividual3168@reddit
I'm low contact with both. More my dad than my mom but we have a very superficial relationship. He knows nothing of the details of my life.
fireflywithoutalight@reddit
If they were still here I would be.
gregory92024@reddit
I see my mom every week and my dad monthly.
KimBrrr1975@reddit
Yes, my parents are both still healthy and we have good relationships. My mom sometimes drives me a little nutty (she lives a mile away which contributes to this) but she means well. I'm glad my kids have gotten to grow up with their grandparents.
CosmonautsDream@reddit
Both my parents passed away recently- every day I wish I count talk to them
STGItsMe@reddit
I talk to as few people as possible.
gap_toof_mouf@reddit
Daily. I’d rather hang out with them than most of my friends. Haha. Seriously though, I feel very lucky to have a close relationship with both of them.
Ilovemytowm@reddit
Loved both my parents with all my heart and soul lost my dad first my mom a few years later and miss them every single minute of the day... I would give anything to just have a few more hours with one of them.
gap_toof_mouf@reddit
I’m really sorry to hear that. I’m one of very few in my friend group that still has both my parents and they all say the same thing you just did. I don’t waste an opportunity to be with them.
Ilovemytowm@reddit
❤️💔 ❤️
I had them a long time I guess... It's awesome that you're spending so much time with them you will look back and be so incredibly happy that you did this.
There's just so much sadness in this post that when I stumbled on your comment I'm like finally. ❤️
Hungry-Treacle8493@reddit
My son says stuff like this. Makes me proud of how my wife and I chose to parent. Such a different dynamic than either of us had with our parents.
gap_toof_mouf@reddit
Sounds like you all did an awesome job!
NoFlower2732@reddit
I’m very close with my mother. I inherited her when my parents divorced. My adopted father refuses to speak to me, but I’m on good terms with his husband. My biological father and his wife, I’m on great terms with, we just don’t talk politics. Easy enough since we don’t see each other or talk that often.
bu11fr0g@reddit
that is complicate!
bio father & wife = good terms, but no politics. bio mom, who never married biodad but did marry step dad = close.
stepdad who married biomom and adopted you but then realized he was gay, and left family to marry his now husband = refuses to speak.
stepdad’s husband = good terms.
is this right?
jeepster61615@reddit
Not without a ouija board
CoffeeFirstThenWork@reddit
Yes, my mom. My dad passed away 3 years ago and I miss him terribly.
amycakes76@reddit
My dad died two years ago, and my mom died a year ago this month. My dad and I didn't talk as much as my mom and I did because we weren't as close. (Our relationship was tense when I was a kid because he considered me mouthy for trying to defend myself when I got in trouble, but it got a lot better after I moved out for college.) My dad's health started to decline around 2016/2017, and he became much less social/talkative, so we talked even less in the years before he passed.
My mom was the sweetest, kindest, most loving person, and she and I talked more often and had great conversations, especially about books, as she passed on her love of reading to me, and we had similar taste in reading material. But I'm sad to admit that I didn't reach out to her as often as she reached out to me or as often as I should have, and that is a regret I carry with me now.
I do sometimes look up to the heavens and speak to the memory of my mom, but it's not the same. I'd love to be able to call and chat with her again.
tmf_x@reddit
I do. They are boomers that I disagree with in religion, politics and a lot of how they live.
but they are my parents.
spavolka@reddit
Yes
MissUnshine69@reddit
I do and I’m closed with my mother but she lives with my uncle, a toxic man-baby cult member. My father is a difficult person, his love is always conditional, so we only communicate about once a month.
IncommunicadoVan@reddit
I did until they died (they were divorced, mom died 2001 and dad died 2011). They were flawed human beings who I had some issues with, but they were my parents so I stayed in touch with them.
I’m not judging anyone who went no contact with their parents. It’s a very personal decision.
lexi_prop@reddit
One, sort of. The other, no.
Ansarina@reddit
For those of you who were able to forgive - good for you. But some of us have dealt with unspeakable trauma and drama. Do not judge. Full stop.
GarnerPerson@reddit
Nope but mostly bc they are dead. I might be sad eventually but not yet. They were assholes.
ClarenceWalnuts99@reddit
Mom yes, father passed in 2021
Coffeecat200@reddit
My dad died over 30 years ago. I miss him. I haven't spoken to my mom since December 18, 2018. I really wish she could accept me and my family for who we are and not try to control everyone.
MattDruid@reddit
Yes, I'm grateful that we talk every few days or so. Going to miss them a lot after they pass. Not many people around with unconditional love.
ZealousidealGrape982@reddit
I miss my mom
Missinformation11@reddit
Ditto
No-Committee7986@reddit
My dad died in 2010 and had lived in a 24/7 care home 5 streets away after we moved him here from Detroit. He had Parkinson’s and dementia, so the conversations weren’t always lucid, but he was great - overcame a ton and really worked on himself so hard from age 55 onward when he got sober (he had been an alcoholic for 9 years)!
I had been very low contact with my mom until last summer when my brother decided we hadn’t done anything meaningful to support when she had a serious health event with a few days’ hospitalization and he cut me off. He blocked me on her phone, email, and social media.
FloridaKandyKane@reddit
I was very close to my mom. She passed away 3 years ago. I feel like my dad only cares about my 2 younger sisters, so I cut him off for my own health. My kids are still close to him. But, they are all adults and can make up their own minds.
Prize_Magician_7813@reddit
Nope
72vintage@reddit
I used to go see them every two weeks with my daughter. Now my daughter has gone to college and Mom passed on earlier this year. Dad lives an hour away and I try to see him at least once a month. My work has me traveling out of state at least 16 days a month, but I'm really trying to see him more...
Temporary_Lab_3964@reddit
Yes
Greenfirelife27@reddit
What? Of course I do. Cutting your parents off is such a Reddit thing to do lmao
1questions@reddit
Seems like you have a narrow experience of parents. Had a friend who was molested by their dad, are you suggesting they should still have a relationship with him?
Greenfirelife27@reddit
Are you saying majority of people on Reddit were molested by their parents because the cutting off seems like the norm vs exception here. Didn’t expect Gen X would be sadder than millennials. Rough
1questions@reddit
You really think I’m saying the majority of people on Reddit have been molested? Seems like you don’t want to have a good faith conversation, but I’ll reply anyway. Lots of people have been molested, we’ve found out in the last 20 years or so way more than you’d think because it used to be no one talked about it. Lots of people cut off parents and other family for valid reasons and I gave one example because your comment was pretty flippant and made it sound like people who cut off their parents are just being dramatic.
raisedbypoubelle@reddit
Be thankful that your parents weren’t abusive, dillhole.
Greenfirelife27@reddit
Insanely high concentration of “adults” with abusive parents on Reddit I guess.
dajacketfanOG@reddit
Sounds like they aren’t missing much to me
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
Poor Behavior - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other overly cantankerous commentary and/or behavior will be tolerated.
dajacketfanOG@reddit
Apologies. Should have been more constructive with my criticism.
Jsmith2127@reddit
I have spoken to my mother probably 10 times in the last 34 years. I gave seen her once, in that time ( for less than 10 minutes, and that was long enough)
birdmadgirl74@reddit
I talk to mine about every day. They also live down the street and around the corner from me.
I had a lot of bitterness for a long time toward my dad, especially. I’m 52 and I’m over it. Maybe he did the best he could and maybe he didn’t. It doesn’t matter at this point, and what he missed out on sucks for him because I am a delight.
AnniemaeHRI@reddit
You most certainly are!
jathomps437@reddit
I was very close to my mom but sadly she hooked up with a felon who she moved in and gaslights her. Now our relationship is almost nonexistent. Shes addicted to him and has little to do with our family.
ManagementNo3259@reddit
Both have passed away Still miss them terribly 🪦
AnniemaeHRI@reddit
Same. We have a wonderful relationship with our adult children and grandchildren. We see them all as much as we can and vacation with them.
MaudieLebowski@reddit
Long gone dead.
norskgenes@reddit
I wish. They have both passed.
ComfortableRow8437@reddit
Same. I would love to have one more conversation with either of them.
Impossible_West5835@reddit
Same 🥲
Celtic159@reddit
Exactly
Over_Detective_3756@reddit
No. They are dead
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community rule 7}
Intelligent-Exit724@reddit
My father died when I was 13. I have been no contact with my mother for 3 years now. It’s been wonderfully blissful. My sister has been NC with her for 20+ years.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community_rule_7}
generic__comments@reddit
I still talk to mt dad, my mom has stage 7 dementia.
Emotional-Change-722@reddit
Mine are both dead.
Cold_Mission101@reddit
Same, but if my parents were alive, I'd definitely still be talking to them and seeing them. I moved my mom into my home during her final years and I'm so thankful I was able to spend that time with her.
mighty3mperor@reddit
Yes. My Mum died in 1997 and my Dad died in 2020 but that hasn't stopped me. I have their ashes in a cupboard and got them both out to wish them happy birthday this year. Some family members said they thought it was a bit odd, but if they had a grave, I'd go and put flowers on it and have a chat, so it doesn't seem that weird to me.
Impossible_West5835@reddit
I think it’s very nice 😊
RHCP1031@reddit
Would you ever be able to forgive them and see them as two imperfect people who made choices from their own pain and trauma? Once they’re gone, it’s forever. You may one day regret all the years not speaking to them. Or you may not. I’m not telling you what to do, just providing another potential perspective. I wish you well.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
I won’t regret it. Too much has happened, too many bad things said. I’m good with their death. I’ve made peace within myself
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
I won’t regret it. Too much has happened, too many bad things said. I’m good with their death. I’ve made peace within myself
ventorchrist@reddit
Mine both went to the grave as stubborn and bitter as they always were. After my mom died a I got a letter from an attorney. "You didn't help me in life and I won't help you in death". No worries, I'm good.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Yeah my mom took me out of her will.
lokis2019@reddit
I'm currently my dad's primary caregiver. Mom has been gone since 2019 and battled Alzheimer's for the final 10 years of her life.
Mental-Artist-6157@reddit
Dad passed in 2016 but I talk to his memory if you will. We had a complicated relationship bc of his bipolar.
Mom and I talk a fair bit IRL. She's been darn supportive as I go through reverse puberty, which is lovely. She wasn't available to be available during my first run of puberty so I love that we get a do over.
Pleasant_Dog_302@reddit
I wish my parents were still alive.
kidMSP@reddit
Same. Dad died in 1999 and mom died in 2016.
Apprehensive_Glove_1@reddit
Mom passed a couple years ago. Dad calls me sometimes when he can't figure out how to turn his computer on.
Thin_Traffic@reddit
No, neither my biological mother nor father.
Zyhara@reddit
My mother passed in ‘00 my dad in ‘13. So it’s pretty one sided these days. But before, I was caregiver to them both so they could die at home. They weren’t perfect parents, but I wasn’t a perfect daughter either lol. I miss them and talked to them all the time. Even when I would get a wild hair up my ass and disappear periodically. They just accepted me as who I was, and I accepted them, we had each others backs. 🩷
makeup1508@reddit
My dad died about 10 years ago. I still talk to my mom all the time. We went on vacation with them in March.
Rand_74@reddit
I talk to my mom weekly. My dad passed in 2005
yAUnkee@reddit
Yes, all the time.
laDDDy42@reddit
My mom yes. My dad is dead to me. He is a miserable pile of crap, on his 4th wife, white trash piece of shit. When he finally passes, I will piss on his grave.
tommyalanson@reddit
Dad died couple years back. Loved talking and visiting with him.
I try to talk to my mother as little as possible. She’s an energy vampire.
drbutters76@reddit
I do talk to mom. A lot. Dad, too, sometimes when I need a stronger intention. But mom, yes. She's my gal.
drbutters76@reddit
They're both beyond, to be clear. Peace .
Drewcifer70@reddit
Talked to Mom earlier.
Dad passed in 1990.
tpt75@reddit
Mum no and dad very occasionally.
2014Subaru@reddit
Yes, every week, and go out to eat on Saturday afternoons. Mom will be 86 in July
AmharachEadgyth@reddit
Same with my mom, my father passed and prior to his passing we were estranged.
2014Subaru@reddit
My sperm donor’s sorry ass is 6’ under, which is the best place for him. I lost my step dad 20 years ago. I wish he was still here
jaxbravesfan@reddit
Yes, I still have a good relationship with my parents. I talk to my mom once a week. I don’t talk to my dad as often - mom usually fills me in on what’s going on with him when I talk to her - but we probably talk on the phone once a month or so. We’ll have family dinners at their house every couple of months so they can see their grandkids all together at once, and of course, we all get together at some point during the major holidays.
On the flip side, my wife and her brother have not talked to their parents in about 11 years. My father-in-law is a major narcissistic, was super controlling when they were growing up, and is just an all-around jackass, so when he started acting like that around his grandkids, and my wife and her brother called him out on it, of course he made it all about him, pulled the victim card, and disowned my wife and her brother. Good riddance.
vicnoir@reddit
They live two miles away, and I see them daily. I do a lot of grocery runs and doctor’s office chauffeuring.
They weren’t great parents, but they loved and encouraged us, at least. And they’re wonderful grandparents.
They’re Silent Gen, which may make a difference.
nacnud_uk@reddit
One of them. Yes. One of them, fuck that shit. "Buried" that bastard 20 years ago, metaphorically.
If you want any solace at all....
Those bastards had parents that just game back from murdering people in remote places. Those parents saw horrors that we will never see. And when they were that kind of traumatised, they tried to raise kids. And, of course, fucked it up in spectacular ways. Passing on the trauma of war directly to their kids ( our parents )
And our parents, not having the resources we had, passed that sh1t straight on to us. We are second generation war babies. Basically.
Fuck all abusers. And fuck all killers. I've no time for either.
bluesqueen23@reddit
Wish I could. Mom passed in 2020. We were great friends! Lost my stepdad of 30 years in 2023.
Purgii@reddit
Lost mine about 15 years ago. I was young enough to have accepted him as my biological father had I not been told. He was a great father and a remarkable man. It goes to show that you don’t need to be the sperm donor to be a father.
Far_Anything_7458@reddit
I talk to my mom (91 next month) once a week. I live 1000 miles From her. My dad passed last year.
whatgives72@reddit
Yes. And we text each day. My folks are silents.
pop-hon_ula@reddit
Yes, I text my mom every day, too! She only just got her first iphone maybe five or six years ago and it’s so great that we can easily stay in touch now. I love my parents more and more as I age and see them every few months.
_Random_Comments_@reddit
Yes, but unfortunately they are both passed away.
Bulky-Hamster7373@reddit
A few times a year. We're best going our separate ways
FortuneWhereThoutBe@reddit
Yes, I don't do it everyday, not even every week but I still talk to them and see them.
jwabrit13@reddit
No. They’re dead.
Stormy_Wolf@reddit
My mom passed in 1999, but I still talk to her often. Dad is 89 and he comes over every week for game-night and pizza to my house, along with my brother (not married) and sister (divorced). In fact, they will be here in an hour or so!
WillBrink@reddit
Both are dead, and yes.
quintinn@reddit
Same… i win more arguments with my dad these days.
WillBrink@reddit
I still don't win any with my mother.
TattedTrueStory@reddit
Don’t talk to mother.
dog4cat2@reddit
Mother died 2006. Before father died 11/2025 I had basically stopped making an effort to talk to him. Basic hi how are you at Christmases and birthdays
Rough_Respect6192@reddit
Yes, the one that is still alive, I go visit him once a week or so
Cryo_Dave@reddit
Ditto.
Cute_Doughnut_7739@reddit
Yes, my mother
Delilah_insideout@reddit
Yes, I talk to them every week. We're generally on the phone for about two hours. They live out of state from me, so I might only get to see them for a couple weeks once a year.
tara_tara_tara@reddit
My father is dead.
I slept in the hospital room with my mother last night because she had a heart attack. I’ve been here all day, will sleep here tonight and take her home tomorrow.
I’ll stay with her for a few days to make sure she’s ok and then go back home
PookleMama@reddit
Hang in there!💐
aurora_ethereallight@reddit
No. My mum is a horrible person and because I won't tolerate her; Dad and I aren't allowed to have a relationship. Yes, she is that controlling. He is allowed a relationship with any of his children really.
Hence it took me a very long time for me to walk away because I had to be sure I'd tried everything because I couldn't bear to lose my Dad but eventually enough was enough. It's horrible repeatedly grieving a parent you love dearly.
Witty-Damfino@reddit
I am in the exact same boat, my mother is a toxic controlling woman who has been threatened by mine & dad’s relationship since I was an infant. I had tried everything through the years- low contact, clear boundaries, short term hiatuses of contact with her until she did something so beyond the pale cruel about 4 years ago. It truly severed any feelings I had towards her- good or bad, and I am completely done.
We recently moved out of state and I did see them a few times before leaving, mainly to see my dad a couple more times but I left knowing I may never see him again. But we would never be allowed to see/talk to each other without her there, so she finally won and pushed me out completely. It’s sad but no contact brings a lot of relief and peace.
aurora_ethereallight@reddit
Oh my goodness, this does sound so similar to my situation. I'm so sorry. 🫂 It is truly heart breaking the evil our mother's are capable of.
No contact does bring so much peace, you are so right... so we know it is the right decision.
Somehow, it is about taking comfort that our Dad's know we love them and we know they love us. That kind of love is unbreakable and untouchable. Our mother's toxicity can't actually touch what is in our hearts and never will. 🫂🙏🏻🙌🏻
Mister-Owen@reddit
I can relate and wish for you that you find a way to have some kind of relationship with your dad.
gringottsteller@reddit
I talk to the one who’s alive but we keep it pretty surface level. She was a great mom when I was a kid but our religious and political differences now are extreme and will keep us from ever being too close.
ChaosCoordinator42@reddit
Yes, I still talk to my mom. I’ll talk to my I laws when I get a real apology, so never. And I’m fine with that.
Glittering-Ad-6266@reddit
Went cold turkey & flew the nest about 18 years ago
Brilliant-Pie5207@reddit
Cut off my biodad in the late 90’s. He died a couple of years ago. Still in contact with mom, we’re not besties or anything but it’s alright.
BwayEsq23@reddit
I was not speaking to my mother when she was alive. She was a disgusting person and the world is better without her in it. My father was cool though. I’m sad he died first. She deserved to go first. I would have loved more time with my dad.
kipy7@reddit
Not as much as I could. Once a month. I'm just really tired with our toddlers, but it would be good for me to make more of an effort for the kids to see them, as my parents are in their upper 70s now. My dad's a bit quiet but I enjoy talking to my mom more as I've grown up.
FriendlyAstronomer91@reddit
Still talk to my mom, but not my father. I don’t particularly like either of them.
potterinatardis@reddit
Not without a ouija board
wanderingdev@reddit
I talk to my mom weekly. I live on a different continent, so it's our only contact besides visits every few years. My dad I cut contact with at 15 but he reached out about 10 years ago when he was diagnosed with cancer. Or rather, his brother reached out on his behalf as his dying wish was to see me. I was out of the country at the time but debated seeing him when I returned a few months later. He died a couple days later, before I decided. I had always assumed he was already dead, so it was no big loss as it had been decades since we had regular contact.
FickleNectarine570@reddit
I cut my mom off 13 years ago. No access to my kids now. I should have cut her off before I had them. I tried to reconnect with my dad, after 28 years. It lasted like 4 years total. He can't see passed himself. Always dominate the conversation about himself. He's never wrong. It was way too much. I stopped reaching out. He hasn't called me in two years. I'm ok with that.
XXBubblesLaRouxXX@reddit
Haven't talked to my parents since early 2006. If they're still alive, they're in their mid 70s. It's really weird not knowing if your own parents have died or not.
Mister-Owen@reddit
No. My dad died a few years ago and my mom and her new husband went nuclear against the children. I will never talk to her again.
Superhen68@reddit
Yes. I feel that our (genx) parents gave us responsibility as children. That bond lets our group appreciate their trust and we are thankful for them doing that.
Mindes13@reddit
Mom died last year and father was never in the picture
OceanGrownPharms@reddit
Stopped talking to my dad but that's because he died 🤷🏻♂️
Suspicious-One-1905@reddit
I had a fairly good relationship with parents, Mom passed when she was 62 and I was 28, Dad passed a few years ago now Didn’t have a relationship with Dad for the last 20 some odd years of his life and it was best if we didn’t interact at all for my mental health. Ended up cutting siblings out as well for same reasons. I have a better understanding of my childhood after therapy, and would say I’ve recovered as much as I could. But still feel that removing certain people from your life is necessary. As a result, my children never knew my father and have never met my siblings or any cousins , but I still think it is better for all.
Pennypoets@reddit
No. I'll help him navigate 21st century tech he can't manage himself to upload forms or to keep him from losing his life savings to an online scammer. And I really only do that as a favor to my brother just to share the load. Then I let him know this is not a social call and hang up.
EspiritusFermenti7@reddit
There's a drill rap song that starts off with 'SUCK MY DICK' that is as abrasive as steel wool made out of sandpaper. Can't remember the name...I'm sure no one will be too disappointed.
yurtlizard@reddit
I talk to my parents regularly. But they're dead, so it's a one sided conversation. Finally, no more arguments!
deagh@reddit
Dad died in '72, Mom in '89, so, no.
I had friends of the family who took me in and treated me like one of theirs, but he died in 2006 and she passed a few years ago.
1questions@reddit
Sorry to hear that that’s a lot to go through.
deagh@reddit
Thanks, it's been long enough that I'm okay. And at least I was 18 when Mom died so I didn't end up a ward of the state.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community rule 7}
insideous_actions@reddit
Mom died. Talk to my dad nearly everyday. Basically my best friend.
Wasn't like rhat growing up as my parents were dovorsed and mom was a spiteful fuck who hated that my dads new wife was getting eveything she didnt get (her own damn fault)
Wish I grew up in my dads house, be a much different person now as he wpuldnt have sheltered me and wouldn't have tried ro make me his meal ticket.
MasterWinstonWolf@reddit
Lost my mother several years back to Cancer. Up til that point we were a tight family. We had a business together...dinner on the weekend...traveled together...I mean close and loving.
I never realized how much my mother was the glue for us.
After she passed my father became a totally diffrent person. Met someone else and methodically cut us out of his life...even strategically kicked us out of the business we built together.
This all hit a penical in Nov. 2019. Up till that point besides my wife...he was my best friend and only friend (I've discovered I'm high functioning but on the Spectrum...not a very social person) Haven't spoken to him since.
From time to time I check the Obituaries.🤷♂️
No-Building-3798@reddit
How did he kick you out of the business? If you don't mind me asking. Going thru a similar thing and trying to cope
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community_rule_7}
chasimlev@reddit
Ditto
lefindecheri@reddit
My dad passed in '95 from lung cancer. Mom passed in 2010 of various causes. I would give anything to hear her voice again. She was my biggest supporter. Always took my side against anyone and everything . Sharp as a tach up til the end. I miss her everyday.
PookleMama@reddit
I hear ya!
And, I’m in the same spot.💐
RoyalPuzzleheaded259@reddit
I only talk to mine with the Ouija Board. All kidding aside, they had the decency to be long dead by now. Seriously though, they died a while ago.
pmllny@reddit
I wish I could. They're both gone.
jlhinthecountry@reddit
I talk to my mom a couple of times a week and visit a couple of hours every Friday. She’s a good woman and great mom.
T7147@reddit
I hear you! Same. You're not alone.
I'm glad to hear other people have positive relationships but just not the case for me.
OptiGuy4u@reddit
Sadly this is a trend these days. I'm not saying your situation isn't justified but I know of others that don't deserve the way their child is treating them. It's almost like it became a fad for attention seekers.
icntbelieveimdoingit@reddit
Agreed. It's almost like their parents aren't allowed to be human and make mistakes. My grandmother raised me and there were definitely some missteps but when I took the time to view those missteps against the way she was raised, I realized just how much she flexed and tried to change for me. And I'm grateful because the life without her would have been WAY worse.
I hope these "cut your parents off forever because they weren't perfect" people know that their children are watching and will handle them even more indelicately than they're handling theirs...because I can PROMISE that your kids will have notes on your performance aa a parent no matter how perfect YOU think you are.
Short_Advance_7843@reddit
Total fad. It's the anorexia, cutting, transsexualism of 2026.
tanukis_parachute@reddit
My mother died a month ago. For the last three and a half months she was not right. I realized she had angry dementia a few months before that. When she moved into assisted living. I live outside the USA and called every Sunday or sometimes in the middle of the week. They weren't the greatest convos but still. I am an only child.
Talked to my dad for a few minutes each time but he has happy dimentia and doesn't have much to say unless he has listened to an old rush limbaugh recording or too much fox news in one go. I'll still call each week. But I imagine the calls will be short and sometime during the week he will have forgotten I called. He forgets his grandkids and confuses them between each other.
Temporary-Sail-5195@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Authoritaye@reddit
I miss my mom.
blugirl111@reddit
Me too
RetroMonkey84@reddit
I am sorry for your loss. My mom passed 5 years ago and I miss her a ton.
Ineedzthetube@reddit
No, I’m no contact with both of my parents. They are both horrible narcissists.
Th1nk18@reddit
Mom passed in ‘18, Dad still going at 84. Complicated history with Dad but talk more to him now than ever. He’s been fighting cancer and winning so far
Temporary-Sail-5195@reddit
Parents divorced when I was 5. I talk to my dad almost every other day. My mother likes to check in daily. I don't always pick up the call. Ive told her so many times in my adulthood we are not what you and Nana did. I don't have to talk with you everyday to say nothing new. Ideally, I'd wish for once a week. Can you tell who I lived with?
sinistar2000@reddit
It’s sad to hear. I lost both of mine a few years ago. It’s hard. We had a complex relationship, but we did stay in touch. I hope all is well for you.
BeBopBarr@reddit
Raised by a a single mom and she is currently here visiting now, so yep, sure do! Unfortunately we live far away from each other now, but she comes to visit several times a year and stays from a few weeks to a few months at a time.
Mysterious_Soil_1835@reddit
Every day.
caiso72@reddit
Mom recently passed away. I talk to my dad everyday to check-in on him and he stays at my house most weekends. My DH and dad are currently on the couch watching soccer.
charitytowin@reddit
Is DH designated husband?
caiso72@reddit
Yep
goobernawt@reddit
Just got home from staying with my mom for a few days while she's recovering from a broken leg. Usually talk with her a couple times a week. My childhood wasn't ideal, there's things she could have done, but for the time it wasn't surprising that she didn't. Dad passed a few years ago, that was a more complicated relationship.
GroundbreakingRip970@reddit
Very similar situation here
Short_Advance_7843@reddit
Forgave my parents, held my mom's hand the moment she died, kept the family together and got to enjoy my nieces and nephews.
Forgiveness is the best revenge.
timberwolf0122@reddit
I talk with my mum. I haven’t spoken to my dad since he died
wheresbill@reddit
My mom died in ‘18. I still talk to her
the_dali_2112@reddit
Talk to mine once or twice a week. Both 80 and doing well.
Impressive-Shame-525@reddit
Talked to my father daily, even the morning of the day he died.
I talked to mom almost daily until she descended into dementia. I'd go see her once. Week, my brothers and I alternated days so she never went too long between visits... That she didn't remember anyway.
I miss my father terribly still. Mom and I didn't have a great relationship but she did the best she could for us. She had some trauma growing up she never got over. She never hurt us at all, but was kind of hands off.
daffodil0127@reddit
Yes, but they aren’t terrible people. I’m lucky to still have them both around. I see them a couple times a week. They need a little help these days and I’m happy to provide it.
PreviousAd8450@reddit
My mom passed in ‘08. We weren’t close. My dad will be 92 in July. I talk to him every week or two. I completely understand why some people don’t. No one was winning any parenting awards in the 70’s and 80’s. A lot of us went through hell because of them. I know I did.
BrettNoe@reddit
At least once every couple of weeks. Both are alive, and are a joy to be around. No abuse, or trauma here, so I guess I should close my account and get off Reddit!😁
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
No Politics - Political posts or comments of any sort are not permitted. If you wish to have political discussions, you may do so on our other sub r/GenXPolitics.
Breaking this rule may result in bans, either temporary or permanent.
Before you make the claim: No, providing respite from political discussions does not infringe on your rights.
Also, this politics ban was put before the sub over a year ago, and members have spoken.
Ancient-Lie-1294@reddit
It's not really politics, just an explanation of the differences between my sister and step-monster.
donner_dinner_party@reddit
I talk to them a couple times a week. Usually see them once during the week. They have always been good parents to me.
Conscious_Courage_74@reddit
The only time you truly become an adult is when you finally forgive your parents for being just as flawed as everyone else.
1questions@reddit
That’s a pretty bad take. Or maybe you truly become an adult when you realize you don’t have to take crap from your parents anymore.
What’s your take on parents who stop speaking to their kids? Because that happened to me. Parents divorced when I was a kid. One parent was always good but died a few years ago. Other parent no longer speaks to me. This parent quit speaking to me when I was 19 because I moved in with my boyfriend. Started speaking to me a few months later but it changed the relationship. Last year I had a conversation where I expressed some things I didn’t like growing up (couldn’t have friends over cause I was too embarrassed by messy house due to their hoarding, being expected to do a ton of chores at a very young age, not many 7 year old are responsible for all the families laundry), and expressed those things gently.
After that convo they didn’t speak to me for two months then texted wanting me to basically apologize, want said in those words but they took no accountability. Just FYI I’ve never had an issue with drugs, never been to jail or had legal troubles, so nothing a parent would find difficult to possibly love a child yet here we are.
So tell me am I “truly an adult” in your eyes? Please let me know and then go take a long walk off a short pier.
AbjectBeat837@reddit
Spotted the parent who never hears from their kids.
Careless_Tie_4530@reddit
Forgive? Maybe. Have a relationship? Optional.
Jimmy-the-Knuckle@reddit
Both my parents died when I was in my thirties. Seems crazy to think about because it was so long ago now that I forget most people my age now, 53, still have living parents.
markallanholley@reddit
My dad was 56 when I was born, and my mom was 42. This was unusual back in '75.
I buried them when I was around 26. I'm 50 now, and my wife (42) just lost her father.
I couldn't imagine having living parents. My dad would be 107 if he were alive today.
Jimmy-the-Knuckle@reddit
Same! My mom died at 72, dad made it to 81. They’d be 94, 96 now. I miss mom a lot at very unexpected times.
Pego92io2@reddit
No. My so called mother does not talk to me. Of course there's a story there. She was a shitty mother. No great loss. My father died in 1977. They were divorced. I've grown closer to my husband's family. At least they love each other.
Hairbear2176@reddit
Not my mom, my dad occasionally. I had it with myom about 5 years ago and said enough is enough. My life has been so much better without constantly worrying about what bullshit she is going to drag me into and how I'm going to have to defend myself or give reasons for any decisions I make. My dad was never a father, always wanted to be a "buddy". Every conversation we have is high-level surface only talk. Life is easier that way.
For those who think"family is everything, you're beholden to them", blah blah blah, good for you.
eastbaypluviophile@reddit
Nobody gets a break from me based on genetics. Shitty people are shitty and I won’t have them in my life…. the end.
CrazyButterfly11@reddit
I wish I could, they are both gone. But I still talk to my stepdad.
Hungry-Treacle8493@reddit
I talk to my mom & step father. Heck! I financially support them so talking is pretty important. My real Dad dipped out back in 1988 and I have no idea if he’s alive or not.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
No Politics - Political posts or comments of any sort are not permitted. If you wish to have political discussions, you may do so on our other sub r/GenXPolitics.
Breaking this rule may result in bans, either temporary or permanent.
Before you make the claim: No, providing respite from political discussions does not infringe on your rights.
Also, this politics ban was put before the sub over a year ago, and members have spoken.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
No Politics - Political posts or comments of any sort are not permitted. If you wish to have political discussions, you may do so on our other sub r/GenXPolitics.
Breaking this rule may result in bans, either temporary or permanent.
Before you make the claim: No, providing respite from political discussions does not infringe on your rights.
Also, this politics ban was put before the sub over a year ago, and members have spoken.
DollieeB@reddit
I just spoke with my mom 30 minutes ago. We talk almost everyday.
Status_Entrepreneur4@reddit
Yeah, we still talk, though. It’s more of an aggravation these days and a chore than it used to be.
splorp_evilbastard@reddit
Yep. I'm taking mom to see Billy Idol in September. I took her to see Jerry Cantrell and Filter for her 75th birthday in February 2025.
Dad's cool, but not as cool at mom.
Confirmationbias10@reddit
JERRY!!! AiC is the greatest band ever and the "Riff Lord" is the greatest songwriter. This is fact and cannot be disputed!
splorp_evilbastard@reddit
I took this shot.
Confirmationbias10@reddit
I saw him at the Eastern in Atlanta a few years ago and saw him open for Bush last summer. he's fantastic but I won't see him open again, wanted more!
HedgehogTop5524@reddit
I don’t talk to my sister or my dad, but I still talk to my incredibly emotionally abusive mother. I’m not strong enough to go fully alone.
lasorciereviolette@reddit
I would if they were alive. My father at least.
jer1303@reddit
No. They're dead.
AlmeMore@reddit
Mine are also dead, but I still talk to them….
incredulousgeek@reddit
I would, if only they were still alive.
Bookish_Kitty@reddit
I’ve been estranged from my father for over 30 years now. That’s not going to change.
I was close to my mom until the day she died.
Crankbait_88@reddit
If you are real Gen X, you'd stop your bitching and get on with your life. Not everyone needs to know your business
CarBonBased198@reddit
Typical tough guy reply. It's a message board for this exact kind of thing. Maybe you don't understand? Also, my ove along if you don't like something. No need for this hypocritical comment.
Crankbait_88@reddit
So my opinion is invalid, but yours is ok? I'd say take your own advice and move on. And you should probably look up the definition of hypocritical...
CarBonBased198@reddit
Nope. Not what I said. But rage away.
Miserable_Willow_312@reddit
Getting on with your life sometimes means cutting out the cancer that eats away at you. Don't be that cancer in the comments. Get on with your life and don't post your judgment here.
Past-Option2702@reddit
Yes. My siblings, no.
tinygiggs@reddit
Same.
bigballs2025666@reddit
I have not spoke with my dad since 2011. He’s still an alcoholic. I’ll speak with my mom a few times per year
Handbag_Lady@reddit
How bad did they hurt you? I’m so sorry.
Single_Oven_819@reddit
No, for reasons I cannot explain to you my parents cut me out of of their will and rejected me. This was years after living near them and taking care of them. Never taking money from them. Buying them groceries and taking them out for meals whenever they wanted. I don’t even want any of their stuff. It was just the rejection. That was absolutely devastating.
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
Wow!! That’s really sad, I’m sorry . My parents will die without much and that’s what my brother & I want , my parents worked hard, they paid for our schooling our various legal fees 🤣etc . We want them to enjoy every penny they have. They will leave us a house, that will be a lot of drama to clean out My dad is a mini hoarder
Single_Oven_819@reddit
I am happy for you. That’s how it’s supposed to be. About 30 years ago at my grandmother‘s funeral. I sat my sisters down and said to them that when our parents die, we would close down the house, and find time to go there together to sit and mourn them before we divide up their stuff. I made it clear that I didn’t want anything specific from them. I just didn’t want to happen to us what I’ve seen happen to so many other families. My mother‘s family ran sacked the house when my grandmother died. And I have a good friend whose family emptied their grandparents’s house while he was away on a trip. Why can’t people just treat each other well?
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
My mom actually has lists of specific items that go to specific people , my parents plan their deaths like they are prince Phillip 🤣 I think people fight more over $ if they don’t have any, or there is a lot of $🤷♀️
Significant_Camp9024@reddit
Do you have any siblings that would have encouraged your parents to do this for their own financial gain? I had this happen but with a grandparent. Found out my uncles told my grandmother (she was already deemed incompetent) some wild lies and she changed her will to remove me. Anyway, people do crazy things when money is involved.
Single_Oven_819@reddit
I have two younger sisters. My youngest sister told him it was wrong and she wanted nothing to do with it. My middle sister and I are no contact and she could’ve been involved. It came out of the blue as I had done nothing to them or anyone else in my family. I have a high profile career in public service. I’ve never been arrested or used any substances. I have never been in trouble or verbally or physically abused anyone. I believe dementia is part of the problem, but they refuse to get medical care or be evaluated.
Significant_Camp9024@reddit
That’s hard being cut off by your parents but I know that what happened to you has nothing to do with you. If they were reasonably decent people as far as parents and they suddenly started acting this way then it’s all on them.
Single_Oven_819@reddit
Thank you. Unfortunately, I think a lot of us in generation X have an experience like this. But, it makes me actually motivated to make sure I never do anything like this to my own children.
Significant_Camp9024@reddit
I’m the same way. I don’t want my kids feeling the same way about me as I have about some of my family. Most of the financial things I do now are for their futures.
hugatree2023@reddit
I don’t have kids and I talk to my parents about once every three months. That’s probably more than I actually do talk to them. We aren’t close. I made my own family with my husband and our friends and I’m close ish to my siblings.
TrickyCartographer73@reddit
Only when unavoidable
DowntownSurvey6568@reddit
Dad was MIA in my twenties but now we text or call to exchange niceties every once in a while. Decided to stop initiating calls with my mom bc she’s zero effort (and I feel really hurt by her physical abuse as a kid and ongoing psychological abuse) and she never called/ texted.
MienaLovesCats@reddit
I'm glad you and your dad are in a good place. My dad was very uninvolved in my life and lived far away; most of my life. Thankfully; we were in a very good place; when he died on May 8th.
DowntownSurvey6568@reddit
It’s very surface but it is nice. The family layer to relationships is so complex!
Glass-View6942@reddit
My dad died unexpectedly in 2022 and he was my person that I have always been closest to. I’m an only child. My dad loved me and my mom beyond my comprehension. When he died I promised him I’d take care of my momma. When he died I had been living on the west coast for 15 years and he and my mom are in Georgia. Two years after he passed I move to the Midwest and now I can fly to her in 2 hr nonstop flight and hour drive from airport. I see her every two months and talk to her every day. Our relationship has completely changed and I’m doing everything I can to honor my promise to my dad. It breaks my heart to only see her every few months but it’s more often than the days from the west coast. She’ll never move to Midwest and I don’t want to move to Georgia.
BrinkinDourbon@reddit
Haven’t talked to my dad in 13+ years. I still talk to mom, though not often
Case-Visible@reddit
I haven't seen either parent for close to two decades. It hurt so much to be in contact and there was just no way to conduct an adult conversation about how off the rails things were. I've found peace in my own life, now, thanks to excellent therapists and a handful of mentors who have helped me.
Happy_Veggie@reddit
My dad died from bladder cancer 16 years ago.
My mom had a ruptured aneurism 15 years ago and she's not even the shadow of who she used to be. We used to fight alot and about everything. She's narcissist and very jealous, comments on everything.. so fucking annoying. She call me to give news, I rarely call her and I don't think she realises.
I miss my dad alot, especially now that I'm getting older. I wish my husband had the time to meet him.
Serious-Mongoose-387@reddit
my mom’s been dead more than a decade. my dad comes to stay with me for a couple weeks around christmas and new year’s and my daughter and i stay with him at the house i grew up in for a couple weeks every summer. outside of those times we text daily.
Trolldad_IRL@reddit
I absolutely would if they were still around, but they both passed in 2008.
brinazee@reddit
I have a good relationship with mine and see my Dad once a month and my Mom twice a month. My extended family on my mother's side got cut off, but my nuclear family is fairly close.
bklynking1999@reddit
I wish I could talk to my mom just one more time …
DerDoppelganger70@reddit
Did you have a good relationship with her in the past?
bklynking1999@reddit
Complicated. Wasn’t the best child and object permanence didn’t help.
IAmAWretchedSinner@reddit
Yes. Once in a bit. They're all dead now, but I still speak to them now and again.
HoweHaTrick@reddit
My Mom died almost 16 years ago. Really tough as we were close and I was her oldest son.
In parallel my Dad and I have a great relationship. We ride motorcycles together and talk weekly. He gives me advice as I have two young kids (we had the bastards late.... i know). I moved to another country for a few years and lost contact with a lot of my friends.
I call my Dad my best friend. He's old and when he passes it will crush me beyond belief, but until that happens I'll appreciate every moment we have together.
kapdad@reddit
This is great to hear. Thanks for sharing.
Crossfit46@reddit
Barely. My mother is a gaslighting narcissist. I try to avoid contact but I have 3 kids that like them but they are barely ever around.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
I moved to California from Florida so no one sees them. Moved all the way across the country to get away from my mom.
Crossfit46@reddit
My parents moved here and live 12 min away from us but they see the kids maybe 2 hours a month if that. They never call them or FaceTime. Think that I need to invite them to everything we do. Which i dont haha. My older sisters kids have zero relationship with them so i thnk they felt obligated to move here to try and force a relationship bit make minimal efffort. They are too busy blowing like 750k on RVs and vehicles that they dont use. Have never once helped us financially either.
Veritas-37@reddit
I don't really have a relationship with my parents right now. My mother is toxic, so I made the choice to step away for my own sake. With my dad, we’ve just drifted because neither of us initiates contact. I’ve realized part of my hesitation is just exhaustion; I’m tired of doing all the heavy lifting to keep a connection alive.
kapdad@reddit
Was he loving when you two did occasionally connect?
Kitty-Keek@reddit
I would if they were alive. My mom passed in 2013 and my dad in 2025. I miss them a lot. 💔
Winter_Ratio_4831@reddit
Dad died 40 years ago. Narcissistic alcoholic, good riddance.
My mother died 8 years ago with Alzheimer's. I miss her sometimes, but she also made lots of other choices that didn't include her three children so I'm not entirely heartbroken she's gone.
drinkslinger1974@reddit
I see my dad maybe three times a year. Christmas, Easter and he’ll randomly drop by once a year. We don’t have a problem with each other, we just don’t really see each other much. Mom is dead and nobody really misses her. It’s hard to say that, much less type it out, but everyone’s life got easier when she was gone.
420EdibleQueen@reddit
Only on a limited basis to keep up on my dad’s heath. Once he’s gone, I plan on cutting her out. In this case the abuse ran for years, and indeed I as out from under her physical control it became manipulation.
I actually found “The Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” helpful in wading through the miles of crap with my therapist.
sickiesusan@reddit
Do you have an author for that book? There are two different ones on Audible. TIA.
420EdibleQueen@reddit
Stephanie Kiersberg PhD. Not exactly sure if that spelling is correct but it’s close
sickiesusan@reddit
Thank you!
midnight_to_midnight@reddit
No, they're both passed away, sadly. I'd give anything to be able to talk to either of them again.
Solid-Bee-1613@reddit
My father passed away 13 years ago. There are still a lot of times something will happen and I realize he is the only person I could tell about whatever it is. Just random things because we worked together everyday for 20 years before he passed. My mom is still alive, we don't talk everyday but do a few times a week and I see her once a week too. We weren't super close so its been an adjustment for both of us. We also like our space and privacy from each other.
HozillaSmallpox@reddit
I feel like I should get this off my chest with Internet strangers because I don't agree with people I am close to about this. From the age of 6, I grew up with my Dad and Stepmother. Stepmother was ok until they married then overnight turned into a monster to me and my sister. My real mother had visitation (per her circumstances) until I was around 10. That's a whole other story. Stepmother and Dad have a son once I am grown and away from the house. Because she was abusive mentally to me, I really had nothing to do with her but when my little brother was born I wanted to be a part of his life so I kept the peace. Dad and I had a precarious relationship because he was absentee my whole life. So later in life Dad finally leaves Stepmother because of her abusiveness and tries hard to have a relationship with me. We work through some stuff and things are ok. 3 years later he died. During my time as an adult I have remained very close to my mother who I feel like I was robbed of as a child. My half brother and I talk so really no issues there. After my Dad passed away, now my Stepmother wants to be a part of my and my sisters life. She is really trying hard and I feel it's sincere but I can't shake the hatred of the abuse when I was a young kid.
WickedWitchofHR@reddit
I am grateful that I am fortunate in still having both my parents and speaking with them each day.
I had a moment today that felt reverse "Cats in the Cradle"- I live on the other side of the country, and Mom is 80, Dad 76. It hit me so hard that time slips away so quietly and then it begins to thunder.
Again, super grateful for my fortunate luck in having regular parents.
Internal_Author_7067@reddit
My mom died in 2003. Dad passed in 2023. I was close to both and miss them dearly
imrickjamesbioch@reddit
Moms, definitely!
Father, nope (I’m indifferent at this stage of life).
shawshank1969@reddit
My Mom died 28 years ago at age 52. In some ways our relationship continues. I still think of her daily and my family shares stories about her. (She stopped smoking cigarettes when she lost her 1st kidney, but it was already too late. She started smoking at age 10.)
I had no contact with my father from 1991 until he died in 2018 for very good reasons.
gabemachida@reddit
I wrote a long response to a comment that was deleted by a mod before I got to post it (I think).
It got me emotional and I thought it may be worth reading for someone in a similar situation so I wanted to leave it here.
The commenter wrote about how her dad calls once a month, asks the same questions every call and when she tries to take the conversation in a different direction, he quickly ends the call.
"I know im projecting and don't know what types of conversations you've had with your father, but my wife's father's calls are very similar to what you described and he too calls around once a month.
He loves his daughter and wants to hear her but doesn't know what to talk about so he asks the same canned questions. He also feels like when he calls he's bothering his daughter who he feels is too busy to talk to him so he hangs up as soon as he's made sure the she's doing ok.
Please remember that most guys from our parents' generation were raised to repress their emotions and can neither identify what they are feeling at the time nor know how to respond empathetically.
And to be blunt, it doesn't sound like you ask him about what he's been up to. I also found in my personal experience that starting a topic with, "I thought about this the other way. Do you remember when ..." Another thing might be to ask your father for help or for his opinion on emotionally safe topics.
Asking for help or giving him a problem to solve I bet would mean the world to him. Raising a child to become an independent adult is poignant as a parent. You want them to be that way, but you also yearn for the past when they would want your help or something or wanted your opinion/thoughts about something.
And like I said, I'm projecting and I know this because I feel tears running down my cheeks as I type this. I think I wrote this because this is something that I've wanted to say to my own daughters, but it hadn't clicked until these words spilled out after reading your comment."
slade797@reddit
How would a mod delete a comment you didn’t post? We get enough shit without people making stuff up.
kapdad@reddit
Thanks for that. For some of us whose parents didn't do anything aggregious, but which our relationships didn't fully blossom for any myriad of reasons, regret and grief for them and ourselves can ache in our hearts for a long time.
Equivalent_Yogurt_58@reddit
I wish. Dad passed in 86 and mom passed a couple of years ago.
I see them in dreams sometimes though.
MinimumBrave2326@reddit
My dad died in 1984, I stopped speaking to my abusive mom in 2009. My sister died in 2018, but we were not in contact.
I wish her well, but she doesn’t get access to me again.
tmstout@reddit
Both of my parents are already dead. Dad in ‘08 and mom in ‘19. I still talk to Mom sometimes, but so far she’s never answered. Fuck cancer, btw.
Historical_Guitar406@reddit
Underrated comment
Icy-Dependent6908@reddit
My folks have been gone 33 years.
Kept a relationship with my step dad and step siblings until I finally woke up and realized that they were all pretty crappy people and I only held onto the relationships because they were the last thing tied to my mom. My stepdad and his most recent wife (number 6) once told me they would pay for me to go to therapy because I was not married.
My parents were not the best parents but they loved me and encouraged me to be myself. They truly accepted me and that was a gift.
melonball6@reddit
No, because my mom passed away and my dad and I have been NC since I was maybe 16? I did try to reconcile in my 30s but that was a mistake.
PatriciasMartinis@reddit
My father has passed, but my mom and I text/talk daily. I'm an only child and my parents treated me well, so there's that
Carlentini1919@reddit
That was me. After dad passed away, I talked to and/or visited mom almost every day til she passed a few years ago.
PatriciasMartinis@reddit
I'm terrified for this day tbh
Carlentini1919@reddit
Mom had dementia pretty bad so everything kinda fell to me arranging for her care and handling the small stuff. I miss them a lot but life continues and you adapt.
ihatemopping@reddit
Yep, in fact they recently moved in with me since I had the room and their senior living apartment was just getting more expensive,
vighnigh@reddit
My dad passed away 21 years ago. My mom has Alzheimer’s and is stage 6. I visit her everyday, even though she doesn’t remember it an hour after I leave.
Ill-Consideration892@reddit
I talk to my parents less each year which is heartbreaking. They’ve chosen to follow my sister and her family around the country for the past 15 years while contact and visits with my family have slowly gone down. Sad. My sister still treats them like she’s 16
Crafty_Calico@reddit
I wish i could. 😞
Sour-Scribe@reddit
Barely.
pnwbutterflychaser@reddit
One of them is dead and the other I don’t speak to. Life is better without them either way.
AccomplishedCash3603@reddit
Yes. I'm so grateful the cutoff culture skipped me in my twenties. I distanced, and with time, we all grew. My Mom is alive but not well, I hope to help my siblings with the end of life stuff. It's not an easy relationship but I take it one guilt trip at a time lol.
MsAddams999@reddit
My parents are now deceased and ashes in the ocean but I've been known to talk to them even now. Wherever they are now I assume that they can hear me in some way. Sometimes I just need to get something off my chest and I will address them as if they are around and tell them whatever I need to. Or I just go to the ocean because I miss having parents and I want to talk to them in the only way I can now.
That probably sounds odd but it's not uncommon for people to address their dead relatives and some people go to their graves to chat with them, leave flowers and whatever.
My relationship with my folks is very complicated. Got some closure with Dad but not with Mom unfortunately. So that's about the only way I can talk out some things.
The rest of my family all the elder relatives have passed. I do have some bio half siblings but I am no contact with them because they're a bunch of really toxic people who never treated me particularly well. I'm not a hypocrite and I won't act like we are family because we are not and never were family.
My parents would be upset that we don't talk but they wouldn't be surprised that we don't if they were still here either. Her kids never acknowledged my existence. His kids did but they earned me walking away in the end.
I value my mental well being and they were just not good for me to have any kind of relationship with. They never really acted like they wanted one with me anyway.
One of my half sisters had jealousy issues and almost every time I saw her she was acting badly towards me while still pretending to be my sister. That got real old and I just distanced myself. One brother in particular he was way out of bounds inappropriate with me, always giving me a hard time about everything and twice he was sexually inappropriate with me besides. He's gone now supposedly and I didn't shed a tear when I was told.
My half siblings basically bled every shred of goodwill and sisterly affection I started out with out of me. By the time Dad died I was just DONE with dealing with them. I did what he asked after he passed and they got what he wanted them to have and a few things I thought they should have but I did not keep in contact after much.
At this point my eldest half sister is 80. The youngest is like 64 and the rest are between and really getting up there most of them. What point is there is trying to make a relationship with them at this stage of our lives?
They had nearly 50 years of my life where they could have responded to the efforts I made and treated me a lot differently. They deliberately left me out of family events they planned and made things a lot harder for me in terms of dealing with Dad's health issues, his eventual decline and death. After some of them were downright mean to me when I was grieving and exhausted and really could have used the support of my half siblings.
They didn't even care enough to check to see whether or not I made it alive through a pandemic and they easily could have because they all had the email that I've had for decades.
I did check though I didn't call them directly. I know who is alive and who is gone at least. That's more than they can say.
Just because you are blood related it doesn't make you family. I have had good friends who treated me way better than my bio relatives ever did.
I feel I have the right to keep toxic people away from me, to protect my mental health and well being. I think that's way more important than any blood relationship I may have in terms of these people.
People who think otherwise don't know my bio relatives...
😐
kapdad@reddit
Thanks for sharing.
Separate-Counter-508@reddit
Mine are dead thanks for reminding me asshole
TurtleToast2@reddit
Not much really. This reminded me to shoot her a text to see if she's still kicking.
mbfunke@reddit
Mom passed 22 years ago. Father said I’m dead to him and has refused to speak to me or my children. Why? Because I changed my last name when I got married. Of course, from 2-25 I saw him 14 times…so, not really much of a change.
Large_Fudge6833@reddit
I haven’t spoken to my mom since Easter 2017 when she disowned me in front of my then 9 & 12 year old children. This stemmed from me setting some much needed boundaries 5 years prior and she obviously didn’t appreciate it. I’m an only child.
Mirror-Lake@reddit
This felt like a trick question because so many of us have already lost our parents.
I do still talk to my living parent. I have good boundaries with him and don’t require him to see where he wasn’t a great father. I figure he’s doing the best he can with what he understands. He figured out years ago if he behaved a certain way that I would gather my family and leave. I once called him out on how he was speaking to my mother when he was in my home. He immediately shifted. My mother could have had a much more fulfilling relationship with him if she had had healthy boundaries with him and my father would have been happier. That was their’s to sort out. My job was to show my children what a healthy relationship looks like. I realize there are parents who will never work to be better people. I feel lucky that I did and do.
StJmagistra@reddit
I talk to my parents several times a week and visit them at least once a week. We only live a few miles apart from each other. I am very lucky in that while they were fallible as parents, they’re open to hearing how I (and my sisters) perceive those things and doing better going forward.
I absolutely recognize that not every Gen X kid has that kind of relationship with their parents! I consider myself lucky.
So_She_Did@reddit
I love reading this so much. My mom was the worst. My dad was amazing. He died way too young. I was in my twenties. My mom ended up getting early onset dementia shortly after he passed, which made life...challenging.
To your point, I was the parent who had plenty of flaws when my kids were younger. I was clean from my DOC, but hadn't gotten emotionally sober yet, so even though I didn't physically abuse my kids, I yelled at them when they were small.
As they got older, I got into counseling and learned how to be a better parent. Two of the three adore me and we communicate daily. One has their own issues, which I'm sure I played a part in, but I tried for as long as I could to help, until it was unhealthy for me to do so.
Okay, TMI...stopping here :)
ritchie70@reddit
My dad died over thirty years ago. I talk to my mom every week or two. She was always a great mom.
UKophile@reddit
Of course. Part of growing up for me was understanding they were learning about being parents and doing things they thought were for the best. I also know they did better than their parents and I’m trying to do the same. They fed me , clothed me, loved me, educated my in excellent schools, paid for college and helped me buy my first home. Along the way, they made mistakes and so did I. We forgave each other and have a great relationship.
Pugsly007@reddit
Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes and always will. It’s learning from them.
TubaDog9705@reddit
Just left their house headed home.
Finding_Way_@reddit
One has passed on But we never ever lost touch. The other one I remain close to.
I'm fortunate in that I ALWAYS knew my parents loved me. There were periods in my life where they were not particularly engaged.
Perhaps I'm making excuses for them, but looking back I know that some of the times they were really dealing with their own struggles with elder care, stress from work, and my sometimes problematic siblings.
But even in those times where they were not neglectful or unkind.
I love them and never ever lost contact.
I feel badly for those who did not have loving parents, and even more so for those who have parents that were negligent, abusive, or unkind
astins1019@reddit
Dad - Cut him off almost 2 years ago. Was never around growing up and liked to play a guilt trip game with me.
Mom - Last straw was back in February when she refused to visit my Grandma when she was lying on her death bed. Caused a lot of unnecessary drama and hurt when she made it pretty much all about her. Then recently she got ticked at my aunt because she wants the estate settled within 3 months. When my aunt told her that was not possible, she go pissed. That solidified everything for me. I have been happier these past couple of months so I know the right decision was made.
Advice I can give. Look back on your life, if the bad memories outweigh the good, then it is better to just cut that person off. Does not make you a horrible person, sometimes you have to put yourself first. I am the product of a narcissistic mom. I still was on the fence about my decision but one day it just clicked. I went to get my haircut and some reason I got on the subject of my mom. The hairdresser had gone no contact with her own mom for 20 years. She told me that her dad had died in the past couple of years and she decided to react out to see if she could salvage the relationship with her mom. The first thing her mom did was play the victim, talking about all the horrible things her dad said and treated her. She realized nothing had changed. She then gave me a piece of advice that made me realize I made the right choice. She said, “if you are waiting on your mom to come around and admit any fault and try to save your relationship, you will be waiting forever.” I left that haircut appointment like a weight had been lifted.
Zeca_77@reddit
Sadly, I recently had to cut off contact with my father due to hm making it clear that I am last on the list as far as my siblings. He always was an enabler when it came to my narcissistic mother, but I felt like I had some support. No longer. I haven't had contact with my mother with dementia since 2022.
robertwadehall@reddit
Alas, my Dad passed at the end of 1999 due to cancer, my Mom passed in 2016. I hadn’t spoken to her in a year as we were feuding about something inconsequential. Living 2000 miles from her the last 30 years of her life was a life/career choice I (and my sister) made that was difficult.. but being around her and our schizophrenic older brother was very difficult.
Intrepid_Card8858@reddit
My parents are both deceased and have been for many years. My husband's parents are local. He talks to them weekly and we see them about once a month.
Fritzo2162@reddit
That sounds horrible. I'm sorry for your situation
I talk with my mom twice a week and we take her somewhere once a week. Same with my inlaws.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Not horrible but peaceful.
CheeseMakingMom@reddit
Dad’s been gone not quite 2 years, but Mother and I talk and FaceTime quite often.
ChuckYeagerWV@reddit
Dad died in 2009 by suicide and we were estranged because he was very abusive even after he quit drinking. He should never have had children. Still talk to Mom often, she's a gem at 84!
loveshercoffee@reddit
I am extremely close to my mom. I only have brief conversations with my dad if he calls.
thisisnotnorman@reddit
They were going down that road until they were too sick to be assholes. My dad has chilled out a lot politically since my mom passed, plus he trusts my apolitical instincts a little more than my crazy brother. So we talk regularly now lol
midgetyaz@reddit
I'm one of the few of us that will get a substantial inheritance that, at this rate, will go straight to my kids. The day of my father's funeral, she told me that he never liked me, and she has a poor voting record, so I'm hesitant to spend much time on a call with her.
Almost forgot to add that since Covid, she calls me every evening. For almost a full year, she would call, tell me the same information every day (up to an hour), and then sign off with, "well, that's all I've got."
PlaxicoCN@reddit
My Dad has passed, but I talk to my Mom all the time.
NukaColaJunkie@reddit
My father passed 19 years ago and I know what kind of man he was. We talked often back then, but we likely wouldn’t be talking now with the political landscape being what it is.
My mother is still here, and we still talk weekly. She became a much softer and outspoken person after he passed and we talk more than when he was alive.
It all comes down to everyone’s unique experience so I don’t think it’s something that can be specifically defined or distilled into a checklist of perfect scenarios.
Everyone has some sort of baggage. It’s just a question of having the strength to carry it.
GoldberryoTulgeyWood@reddit
And strength to let it go
mmconno@reddit
It’s true—everyone has some sort of baggage. But all baggage is not created equal—you didn’t say that exactly but “strength to carry it” implies a weakness. As if “no contact” a lack of perspective or maturity. I generally trust people’s decision if they go no contact. It’s scorched earth and it’s usually emotionally costly (despite the relief of no longer being subjected to whatever the nastiness was).
Emunahd@reddit
My dad passed 20 years ago. He was a real SOB, only me, my boss and my stepmom were at his funeral. I don’t miss him, but I’ve made peace about it. Took a long time. My stepmom passed in 2023. I miss her. I understand where you’re at.
ManyInitials@reddit
This response has me gobsmacked in the very best of ways. Your response is incredibly thoughtful. My mother has her version of our life. The realities were significant abandonment, housing and food insecurities etc. She was a beautiful perfect woman who would run off to France and leave some money in the counter. As an adult everyone in my family apologized for letting it all happen. My grandparents wanted to adopt me for stability. She refused because it might look bad. As an older teen/adult I realize she should have never had a child. There is an acceptance on my part. Her delusional mindset has helped me be an authentic realistic dependable person.
For many years adult me was the parent to her child. Then I became a mother. It’s been challenging to learn to parent myself and my child.
But now she is demanding a relationship with my child. A child who understands that my mother is “weird”. So now I must follow your lead and not expose my kid to that ongoing toxicity. Thank you for the clarity.
BidPale3239@reddit
Yes, with difficulty. Silent gen dad and boomer mom. Because they are stuck in their ways it’s had to have conversations without it coming a shouting match or someone flying off the handle.
LesterMcGuire@reddit
I understand this.
BidPale3239@reddit
You love them but they drive you nuts
bylebog@reddit
It's the 2926 version of Bender asking what's in the lunch bag.
I'm glad Mommy packed everyone something yummy.
nrst8lv@reddit
I wish I could still talk to my parents. They're both dead.
Alovingcynic@reddit
Mom died, don't talk to step-dad 2, or step-dad 1, but we email on occasion and I'll meet with them once every few years. Email with bio dad, but haven't seen him in person since 1996. He doesn't know his grandchildren, has never met them. None of them were well suited to be parents. They worked and socialized hard, mainly picked childless friends, and kids were lowest priority.
nettiemaria7@reddit
May want to check w Millennials or Gen
I think most of us know what really constitutes abuse, neglect, and a truly toxic family. And I fully support abused victims in their decision. In fact my brother was.
But many did this just because peer pressure and Trending SM. As far as I know, parents are supposed to prepare children for future and it is not always warm and fuzzy.
What Does Not constitute abuse, neglect, is taking iphone away for a while for behavior reasons, Saying "Clean your room", "feed pet you got", "you have to go with us", and "Stop yelling" , "hold flashlight", "hamburger helper for dinner"' "curfew at 11:30", Buying a $32 T-shirt instead of $189 one, lost their patience a few times, or not paying $9,800+ (todays dollars) for a "school sponsored" band or chorus school Euro Tour for the Gifted. Except Everyone got the invite, so a/k/a scam money grab.
It's very damaging to a parent, or in my experience a grandmother, my mom. She willingly raised the brat, and gave everything she could to her. My mom suffered and she gave that abomination nothing but love. Yeah, she was a bit high strung at times, but she had Lots of Stress because of her responsibilities for other people, some disabled w behaviors. And suffered Very Real abuse herself, she was a great person who did not deserve it.
I am happy to hear that estranged parents are refusing reconnects years later.
Ok, Off my soap box. OP and other Victims, I am not accusing you of being unreasonable. Js there are a-lot of entitled young people targeting undeserving parents or family.
Pugsly007@reddit
Amen
Majik9@reddit
Ummmm. Wut?
Alovingcynic@reddit
This is irrelevant. Doesn't answer OP's question.
Available-Bison-9222@reddit
Yes. My relationship with both my parents is important to me, eventhough some of my siblings have gone no contact with 1 parent. I have rebuilt a really nice relationship with my mother despite having a very poor relationship with her from my teen to my late 30s. My father can be hard work, so I'm getting very good at boundaries. Lots and lots of therapy helped.
Independent_Island74@reddit
Still talk to my mom, my dad passed 2 years ago but cut the kids out of his life when they divorced when I was 18 before thaf he would drink a lot, beat us and verbally abuse us, so no love lost there. Screwed me up a bit have some daddy issues but otherwise a great example for me of how not to be a man. Dude literally walked by me one day and didnt recognize who I was. Or he did and hes just a big dick.
gotkube@reddit
Mom died when I was 19. Haven’t talked to my Dad in almost 9yrs.
andyraylan@reddit
Yes, I am and have always been very close to both of my parents. I text with my parents every single day, and speak with them a few times a week. We live a few hours apart and, as they get older, it’s becoming too far for me as I’d like to be able to just stop by their house for coffee whenever I feel like it. I’m very lucky in that my husband has a great relationship with both of my parents, they all adore one another. (I am very much like my Daddy, and I married a man who is very much like my Mom.). We are now making plans to move closer to them and I am very happy about it. I don’t take it for granted, my relationship with them, as I know how lucky I am.
whipla5her@reddit
Mom passed last year unfortunately but we talked often. I still talk to my Dad but the key with him is just having enough space. One call a month is just about the right amount.
AntheaBrainhooke@reddit
I'd need to hold seances.
Formal_Plum_2285@reddit
Yeah but neither of them seem to answer.
spicolie22@reddit
They're both dead, so no.
NotPennysBoat721@reddit
My parents were wonderful, not perfect, but wonderful. My dad passwd two years ago and I miss him a lot, especially his cooking. My mom is 84 and still with us, she's doing pretty well! I talk to her once or twice a week, and see her at least monthly. They may have had their occasional fault, but they always did their very best for us, I am so grateful for that.
Curious_Field7953@reddit
My Pop passed away 11 years ago. Somehow, the Baphomet that birthed me is still allowed to roam the earth. I wish her nothing but pain, loneliness, fear and abuse - especially when she's at her most vulnerable.
bluedonutwsprinkles@reddit
Yes, and both are living but mine are Silent Gen.
My husband's both have passed and we miss them especially his mom who's gone just over a year.
HillaryRN@reddit
No. My mother died 20 years ago, but we hadn’t spoken for a decade before that (she was a drinker, a smoker, and an abusive neglectful bitch). My dad left when I was 8 and I never saw him again until I graduated high school, so no we aren’t close at all. I hear from him maybe every four months or so and he’s just asking for medical advice with no interest in me and not much interest in his grandkids, either.
CrayonData@reddit
My dad passed away last October, I was no contact with him before the tumor was found. The year we had left with him, I reconnected with him and put the issues that developed prior behind us, as the issues were brought on by the unbeknownst tumor.
My mom is on limited contact, she means well, but a boomer who is stuck in their ways. Not to mention the foster kids who are there, no one likes toddlers screeching their head off all day, every day.
Sean_theLeprachaun@reddit
No, theyre long gone at this point.
Present_Gur_6151@reddit
I’d love to but unfortunately they have passed.
xBobaFattx@reddit
No, it's a long story but it was a long time coming. I went full no contact with my mother about 8 years ago or so. My father will text me on days like my birthday but that's it. My mother is a narcissistic asshole who uses inclusion in "the will" to try and force her way on people. My dad isn't a bad guy, but they're both alcoholics and have been since I can remember. He never once stood up for me, even when he knew she was wrong. My childhood wasn't great, but we had money so I was told I should have just been happy.
I've been happier since cutting off contact. My two brothers stopped talking to me because of it, which sucks but they can fight over the power teet among themselves.
DaddyOhMy@reddit
A lot of the comments are making me glad to have had a great relationship with my folks.
I speak to my mom every couple of days. My kids text her regularly and every night the text each other to say good night.
My dad passed away the week before quarantine. I spoke to him about two hours before he died and am comforted by the fact that he got to yell at me one last time about something stupid.
TapiocaPearl13@reddit
My parents yes but my twin sister, no.
Odd-Blackberry-2893@reddit
You should nake a post.
Adorable_Bag_2611@reddit
Only my mom left. Bio father I cut off 5 years before he died. Dad I was close to until he died. Mom I am still close to.
Although close is a weird term. My parents would describe us as close. I would say we’re close and that we talk regularly and I see my mom regularly. I am very closed off with my parents. I do not share a lot until or unless I absolutely have to. I’ve had too many things in my life blown off because of other things that I just don’t open up.
Dragonfly_Peace@reddit
No, because I recognize that nobody is perfect, that they did the best with what they were given, that my generation still got better, which is what each generation wants for the next one. And because I’m not some entitled spoiled rotten millennial, who thinks that their lives should have been perfect with parents who made zero mistakes.
Grouchy-Vanilla-5511@reddit
To be fair, MANY of us are estranged from our parents due to things like drugs and violence. My mother fed me drugs, on purpose, as a child. And then acted like, I, as a teenage drug addict, should just be able to “get my shit together” and be normal. When I couldn’t I got kicked out at age 16. Clearly you have no frame of reference for this discussion.
tonyrsll@reddit
Sounds like the OP is working to protect their children.
beef-hed@reddit
My parents have been divorced since I was a little kid. I’m still close to my dad, I went no-contact with my mother 19 years ago. To say she’s toxic is an understatement.
Sumchap@reddit
Yes fairly regularly, they are 82 and 86. Just popped in to see them on the weekend
OnlyGuestsMusic@reddit
Occasional texts and mostly holidays and events. My upbringing was not good. We have a decent relationship but they’re bonkers and getting worse.
hughcifer-106103@reddit
Mine are both dead but I never stopped talking to them and still feel like they were great people.
Murky_Possibility_68@reddit
No. My father died in the early 80s and my mother is a crazy bitch.
hydrawoman@reddit
Similar. My dad passed in early 90s and was a good person and I do talk to him in my mind. No contact with the mother for decades although she does try her best to contact me every few years through social media, I ignore.
mac_the_man@reddit
No, they’re dead. It would be weird if I did.
karmadoesntwait@reddit
My mom passed but we had a very complicated relationship and her passing came with some sadness but more relief. My dad is a narcissist and we are extremely low contact. I never reach out and keep my responses short when he does. Also a very complicated relationship.
They were teen parents and extremely selfish. I was also a teen parent but my kids who are now in their late 20s and early 30s are over all the time. Thankfully, we have a great relationship. I don't even have to invite them over. They just pop by.
No_Key_2345@reddit
Not at all. I have no room for toxic people in my life, even if they are family
CK_CoffeeCat@reddit
Totally valid.
CK_CoffeeCat@reddit
I talk to my 92 year old Mom nearly every Sunday. Dad died of emphysema in ‘98 at the age of 72, stepdad died a little over a year ago at 91.
I know there are things that I can never tell mom about myself and my past and my life. I know she has some opinions and beliefs I don’t agree with and vice versa. We’ve had our arguments and passive-aggressive comments in the past.
Now we are both good at evading and redirecting conversations when necessary. mom would rather keep the peace than push any agendas. We talk about the weather, her garden, and the price of groceries mainly. It’s enough.
Sleptwrong65@reddit
Both of my parents passed a long time ago. Dad when I was in high school and mom about 20 years later. Other than some teenage typical stuff I always got along with both of them.
bhewey206@reddit
I talked to my Dad and Stepmom till they died and I miss them. My mom has been no contact for about 20 years, and my older sisters don’t connect since my Dad passed. There’s still bitterness to that, but it’s better this way. My focus is on my grown kids and wife. The relationships with them is better than my folks to me, and I am thankful that they get along with each other. As a parent, I can’t imagine not trying to make things work - it’s not on your kids to do that. Likewise it’s not on us to fix our parent’s fuck ups.
MarcoEsteban@reddit
I'm (M59) on my way right now to see my dad (84) in a memory care place with my mom (83). I dint expect him to recognize me. They made some mistakes when we were young. My mom lost patience and spanked us, plus we were 4 latch key kids in the 70s, and I was the oldest, so "in charge".
They raised us without religion, for which I'm eternally grateful. My father, when he had his ability to remember and talk, was a brilliant man. Atheist, had 2 masters degrees, worked on some really important projects for NASA and the government. My mom was a believer, but not serious enough to raise us in a church. My father did t want us to think he had lied to us, so while we celebrated a very secular Christmas, we were never told there was a Santa Claus.
I'm gay, came out in the 80s, as a teenager. They freaked out a bit at first, but eventually embraced who I am after a bit of time and realizing I was going to be fine. They were extremely permissive. They'd let us watch anything we wanted.
They tried to give us anything we wanted as kids, but when I went to college, they couldn't help me. I didn't get any kind of grant or financial help because they made too much, so I worked through college. I didn't get to have the full university immersion because I was back home working every weekend. It took me 6 years to graduate, but I did, and appreciate what I work for for having done it.
All my brothers and sisters have turned out well, we are successful in our fields. My mom apologizes all the time for having been a bad mom, but I think they did pretty well. I love them both dearly.
So, no, I have no reason to go no contact with them.
jojowasher@reddit
Mom, not dad
chaosrulz0310@reddit
Routinely currently sitting in their living room.
Grand_Taste_8737@reddit
Of course, I talk to my mom weekly. My dad passed away a couple of years ago, so I learned then not to let petty grievances come between family.
iggy1112@reddit
Pretty much every day. I know I am fortunate, I had a pretty decent childhood and they did the best they could by me. I know they won’t be around much longer.
rubyslippers70@reddit
Mom has BPD so no contact for years and years. Dad has passed.
TrustNo177@reddit
After many silences on and off between myself and mother, we have finally managed to keep the silencers off these last few years and I’m glad because I had so many people trying to tell me to cut ties with her entirely. I didn’t feel right doing this. Just recently we found out she has stage four cancer. I’m glad she and I are talking so I wouldn’t have to regret all the guilt of not trying to have more time or get some closure and peace before she and I before she leave this earth. Everyone has a different thing that works for them but if you have toxic relationships with either of your parent it’s best sometimes to go to therapy on your own then revisit it after some work on that. I am just stating out of experience what has worked best for me. May not be the best for others but I hope this helps you in some small way.
Consistent-Fix-8443@reddit
Cutting off grandparents and grandchildren I mean, did you get ass raped or something ? because if you didn’t I don’t know what could possibly motivate you to do that. It’s not good. It’s not the flex you think it is. I mean, unless you got raped or locked in a cellar with a bowl of dog food - what happened?
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
r/GenX does not allow harassment
CaughtALiteSneez@reddit
This may be one of the most messed up comments I’ve ever read on Reddit.
disgirl4eva@reddit
Yes. My dad has passed but I still talk to my mom. I was blessed with good parents.
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
My mother passed in 19’ but she was estranged from us for many years abandoning 5 kids with our dad. So, I didn’t speak to her nor take my kids around her due to her choices. However, still took care of her crap when she passed because she had no one else to do so.
Still speak and see my father 2-3 times a week and always will. He was an amazing father that didn’t have much but a ton of love to give and all of us have a great relationship with him. He was also not a typical boomer IMO with his views etc. He’s always been worldly and as he aged and retired, he finally got the chance to do all his travels. I feel blessed to still have him and blessed my kids have him.
Astronaut6735@reddit
I talk to my mom about once a week. Dad, not as much. I do fly back home a couple of times a year to visit them.
gatorgopher@reddit
Both of mine are gone. I'd give almost anything to talk to them again. That's not to say they didn't make mistakes, but i know for sure I have in raising my kids. My kids still love me and want to see me. I'm going to hold onto that.
NVJAC@reddit
Yeah, I do. Mom died 15 years ago though, so not her.
Talk to my dad every weekend. It still feels like there's some distance between us, but he was never abusive or anything like that. More neglectful really; he worked A LOT making sure we didn't go without materially, but it meant that when he was home he was exhausted and parked in front of the TV, so I don't have any father-son memories of playing catch in the backyard or going fishing or anything like that.
I remember as a kid thinking his dad was cold and distant toward us grandkids. So as time has passed, I've come to believe my dad adopted that parenting model, because he didn't know any better. He has expressed regret for the things he did and didn't do, and I think that when I was kid, he did what he thought he was supposed to do.
Logical_consequences@reddit
“Cats in the Cradle”
sirkerry@reddit
Since they’re both dead, no.
ArcaneElement@reddit
I'm close to my mom and talk to her regularly. She's close to my kids (I'm an only child, they're her only grandkids). I stopped talking to my dad about 10 years ago. I didn't cut him off, just stopped reaching out and the problem took care of itself.
GrumpyPidgeon@reddit
I haven’t spoken to my parents in ten years.
Them being dead has more to do with it than anything else, though.
lassobsgkinglost@reddit
My dad and mom have been gone 10 and 8 years. I miss them everyday and would love one more chat. I had wonderful parents.
That being said, not everyone is as fortunate and I support anyone who has to cut toxic people out of their lives.
Unspicy_Tuna@reddit
I talk to my Silent Gen parents at least once a week. They live 3000 miles away from me so I only see them once a year. I love our weekly catch ups!
dadadam67@reddit
I talk to mine. They’ve both been dead for a while.
Indaliai@reddit
My dad is sitting next to me. I purchased the house we live in. At 86 he's not going to be around too much longer. My son is his chauffeur and caretaker. All together and so very grateful that I have this time with my dad. Mom died about 10 years ago. They both drive(drove) me crazy but...well, glad I can spend time with him.
Practically_Hip@reddit
Any context to add to your disdain for the two individuals that brought you into this world? Not judging- just think using the term boomers (I am Gen X) carries some angst with it and your strong post requires some context.
CaughtALiteSneez@reddit
Mom died 19 years ago, I talk to my dad as much as possible. Wish I could see him more often, but I live in Europe and Texas is not easy to reach. We will get direct flights soon, so I will try and go more often.
govnah06@reddit
Both of them, and my in laws. Regularly. I love them, they have been very good to me and my family. I feel horrible that some have felt the legitimate need to cut theirs off.
enchantedlife13@reddit
My mother stresses me out intentionally, and while she relies on me to help take care of her - provide groceries, take her to appointments, and the majority of her care -- she is ungrateful and manipulative in a passive-aggressive way. I am sure I may miss her when she passes away, but at this point I am convinced the mean woman will outlive me just for sheer spite.
Maleficent_Cut1044@reddit
My dad calls about once a month and he asks the same questions he's been asking for 30+ yrs. It's like he's reading off a check list and doesn't really care what the response is. Honest to goodness the whole phone call last maybe 40 seconds. If I ever try to go off script and actually talk about something else he just rushes to get off the phone. Doesn't sympathize or offer any advice. Just a "Well I guess I'll let you go".
My mom probably calls once every 2-3 months. Most times it's her asking me for a favor related to her favorite child (not me ha!) my sister.
I know they're my parents but they've never felt like my parents. More like distant family members who were saddled with the responsibility of being my guardian. They don't get me, never have, and never will.
midamerica@reddit
You have to do what's best for you. My parents (84m, 83f) moved in with us when they became incapacitated 4 yrs ago. It's been a painful and rewarding experience.
Painful in that I (60f) and hubby (62m) get to re-experience some of the worst traits I experienced while growing up. But rewarding in that I have a chance to see why I am the way that I am because of that childhood and it was not "in my head."
That's been very cathartic after the "kid tears & anger" stops and I can talk honestly about it to my parents now as an adult. Some makes sense some doesn't, but many don't have the time or ability to make peace with their parents before they pass.
We are not parent/child now, we are adults which is honestly a brutal adjustment for them, especially my Dad who insists what he says goes because he's "the Dad." But I am grateful for whatever time we have to be better to each other.
salazka@reddit
Not my mom anymore. She passed away.
But I talk with my dad every day and we often have lunch together.
CatPurrsonNo1@reddit
Both of my parents have passed on.
Legitimate_Working11@reddit
Went no contact with my incredibly toxic dad for years before he died. Talked to my mom until I lost her two years ago. I miss her. I’m working on my feelings about him in therapy. Still. He died in 2014
Engchik79@reddit
I do, just saw them about ten minutes ago, thankfully.
Typical_Version_7487@reddit
Not my dad.
AmericanTaig@reddit
Mom died years ago but I still talk to her on the regular - seriously
disco_duck2004@reddit
No, they're ashes
BubblyGas6870@reddit
I wish I could still talk to mine.
Renegadegold@reddit
Yes I do and we are neighbours. They are amazing and my dad was my business parter until he finally retired at 75.
SwordfishOverall6724@reddit
I lost my dad when I was 32 and my mom at 48. I miss them .
libzilla_201@reddit
Only once a week because she is so toxic. I do it out of obligation and not because I really want to. She will be dead one day.
Munchkinpea@reddit
My Mum died around 10 years ago and my father-in-law passed away 7 years ago.
Mother-in-law has dementia and is in a home. Husband speaks to her a couple of times a week, I visit every few months (my husband is bed-bound so can't visit and she doesn't know who I am).
Husband and I live with my Dad (house is co-owned by me and Dad) so I talk to him a lot.
thetjmorton@reddit
Dad passed 4 yrs ago. Mom and I have our issues but I’m doing my best to work thru mine. Not sure if she’s capable but we’ll see. I’ll just work on me for the time being.
zombie_overlord@reddit
I went no contact with my mom for years. We kind of patched things up when her mom passed. We're doing ok since then. I don't expect her to be perfect, and I can see that she is at least making an effort to be better, so that's good enough for me right now. Lord knows I'm not perfect either. Peace is valuable, however you can find it. If that means cutting out toxic family members, then do what you need to do.
MisterSandKing@reddit
I’m a bicentennial Xer. Mom died 23 years ago at 42 of cancer. Dad died six years ago at 65, had Parkinson’s, shot himself.
I miss them both, especially my mom. I’d give anything to still have them here to talk to. I barely have any family left.
Anders676@reddit
I hear u. I miss my parents so so so mych
octopustentacles209@reddit
I'm no contact with my Mom and extremely low contact with my Dad. I don't reach out to him, he reaches out to me and I decide if I'm feeling like dealing with his brand of crazy.
Specialist_Energy335@reddit
Father died in 1991. Good riddance. He was a drunk who never protected me from the other parent and a sibling abuse. No contact with the mother since 2004. She's in a locked facility for being a complete nut job. Too bad they didn't see that back when she was doing all sorts of inhumane things to me and protecting her oldest son. Fuck them all.
Bartlaus@reddit
Yeah, they're pretty cool actually.
Well not COOL cool, they are nerds. But so am I. And my kids.
TXbergamot@reddit
Yes. I’m 13 hours away and I wish I was closer. Love them to pieces. Our childhood wasn’t perfect but we were loved. Still loved. My son is their only grandchild and he and my father mutually adore each other.
OkGeologist2229@reddit
Yes, everyday. We have a running family text chat that myself and brother and parents use multiple times a day. We all live in different states.
OhSoSoft@reddit
I rarely speak with my biological dad, its just awkward. I have a good relationship with my mom, but we do have topics we avoid as our opinions differ. I miss my dad, almost 10 years without him, he was a friend to all.
wino_whynot@reddit
I’m the product of a teenage pregnancy. They were too young, divorced before my 2nd birthday. My dad never progressed beyond age 18 (on a good day). Dear Mother (/s) has a long history of self medicating her undiagnosed bi polar. I went NC with her when I was a young teen.
Somehow, both are still kicking around, or so I’ve heard.
tizz17@reddit
Mom passed away 3 years ago and I miss her like crazy, I talk to Dad almost every day.
Illustrious-Ebb157@reddit
Talk to mine all the time. My wife and I spend almost every holiday with them. Unfortunately my wife’s parents have both passed. Very thankful to have my wonderful and kind parents in my life still.
ammitsat@reddit
Yep, almost every day. Well my bio-father died over 25 years ago but I have a good relationship with my mom and stepdad. I’ve had some issues with them over the years but I think it helps that I live a couple thousand miles away so we talk on phone/FaceTime and I visit usually once a year or they come here.
MzOpinion8d@reddit
Only at the cemetery.
xikbdexhi6@reddit
Same. To my parents though, not your's. That would be weird.
MzOpinion8d@reddit
Haha…my parents were very friendly, they would be happy to hear from you 😊
thhpht@reddit
I feel like this question is insensitive to people who’ve already lost their parents and are quite sad about it. Maybe it’s the way the question and following statement are worded.
burgerg10@reddit
This is the Gen X sub, right? Are we really offended?
thhpht@reddit
Not offended. Sad. Just thinking of how it could make those people sad.
IcebergSlimFast@reddit
I appreciate both your compassion, and your amusingly on-point GenX username.
WI762@reddit
All the time. My parents are fantastic humans and I feel like I will always have a debt of gratitude to them for how.they raised me and care for our kids, even as they are getting into adulthood.
OldGeotch@reddit
Same, good to see good stories
mcchillz@reddit
Yes. I’m elder genx, 59, and my still living parents are silent gen, 86 & 84. I phone usually once a week. We live in neighboring states.
Pendergraff-Zoo@reddit
Yes. Have a great relationship with my mom. Wish we lived closer so I could see her more often. My dad passed away in 2013, so all my conversations with him are one sided, but that doesn’t stop me.
worstpartyever@reddit
My parents are gone, but I still think of them every day.
rfriend73@reddit
I went no contact with my mom 18 months ago and unfortunately my dad is older and lives with her in the facility so I don't see him either .
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
It gets easier as the time goes on. It’s been 5 years for me. I am at so much peace
rfriend73@reddit
Greatly appreciate hearing that. It has really messed me up emotionally and I am waiting to be okay with it.
doubtfulisland@reddit
Mine are still here but gone. Mom has a paranoid personality disorder and my dad backs her. His life has been miserable because of it he tried to be a good dad but didn't protect us from her.
The last straw was when they attempted to steal $200k from me by filing a mechanical lien on a house I built(I'm a builder)and then telling they'd claim elder abuse if I didn't pay up. I lost $7k in attorney fees and a buyer that was paying $100+k over the next closest offer.
Embarrassed_Year_736@reddit
Haven't spoken to mother since August 2024, but limited contact before that. No time for her toxicity. Sperm donor died in 2003, no big loss there either.
GrimmTidings@reddit
You won't let them talk to their grandkids or you are not having their grandkids to spite them?
gatosmeow@reddit
If you don’t know, don’t judge.
GrimmTidings@reddit
If you don't know what I'm asking - and not asking you - don't judge the question. It isn't clear from OP's post if they have kids and aren't letting the grandparents talk to them or aren't having kids because their parents suck.
Sloth_grl@reddit
Mine have both died
qoo_kumba@reddit
My folks belong to the Jehovah's Witness cult. So no.
IDEKWTSATP4444@reddit
Same because of their toxic behavior
Grouchy_Situation_33@reddit
No.
wieldymouse@reddit
Mine aren't alive.
OkNeedleworker8554@reddit
I speak to my dad and my mom. They've been divorced for 40 years. My dad is my best friend and my favorite person on Earth. My mother, well that's a different story...we talk often, but shes never been a good mother.
Tmettler5@reddit
My mom passed in 2011 and I still talk to her. My dad is still alive and we text and talk pretty regularly and are going to a ballgame in a couple weeks.
AnastasiaNo70@reddit
Nope. She’s a sociopath so she gets to be by herself. My dad passed in 2022.
keiths31@reddit
Man I am so lucky to have two loving and caring parents. Talk to them every day. My father 2-3 times a day sometimes. I'm also blessed that they live in the same city as me still. My wife's folks live halfway across the country and she sees them once a year. Twice if lucky.
I'm sorry so many of you don't have healthy relationships with your parents.
cgund@reddit
I mean, going non-comm with my parents was the healthy decision.
Silvaria928@reddit
Same here. My parents aren't perfect but they have always been supportive and do their best for us. They help me financially whenever I need it with no strings attached. Their motto is, " We can't take it with us so we'd rather give it to our kids while we're still here."
I love them both very much and feel sad for those who didn't get so lucky in the parental lottery.
strategicscientific@reddit
I do, but my parents were hippies.
AmelieinParis@reddit
I just took my mom to brunch and shopping. I’m going back to one of the shops to get a purse she really liked but decided not to get. Early bday to her.
Pete_maravich@reddit
I'm one of the lucky few who got two good parents. Neither one of them was an asshole. We were not abused or neglected. They weren't perfect but they clearly better than what most people get.
OppositeAct1918@reddit
We are legion.
sustainablogjeff@reddit
I do - my Dad and I talk every Sunday.
mrkstr@reddit
Of course I do. You have to have serious problems to go no contact with family. Fortunately, most people don't have those kind of problems.
ElectionElectrical11@reddit
My mom passed, well my dad calls my sister or my wife. I generally just stare at him and he stops trying to talk to me in person.
These-Educator-1959@reddit
I wish I could. Both have been gone for a few years (mom passed 16 years ago). Rarely a day passes when I don’t wish I could call. I loved my parents dearly. And they were not biological. I have two sisters who were biological to them, another sister who was adopted and two foster sisters. We had no money and lived in small houses. We would occasionally argue (mostly when I was an idiot and young) but by the time I turned 25-30 I never argued. When dad got older I found many conversations frustrating but even so after he was gone I wished I spoken to him more.
Comfortable_Sea634@reddit
I wish I could... they've both passed nearly 9 years ago. So many questions I wish I would have asked. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them or miss them.
Plenty of good memories though!
jigum777@reddit
My father passed away in 2021. I hadn't spoken to him in 7 years. My mother and I still speak, but rarely. She is super religious, and I am an atheist. She doesn't respect my views, and I have cut her off repeatedly due to that. I speak to her on holidays only.
cgund@reddit
No. My dad finally died in Nov 2025 and my mom is on her way out. I haven't spoken to them in ages. I didn't like him, and she just had nothing to offer in conversation except complaint.
Now I'm hostile toward her because I'm having to chip in $2000 a month for her care because my siblings put her in a fancy assisted living when she was in her 80s and spent away her money that way. Now she's broke and in a fancy SNF against my wishes and I either have to chip in or be alienated from my sibs.
Unlikely-Display4918@reddit
snf are 10k a month when they are not fancy, js
cgund@reddit
Yep. There are 5 of us contributing plus she has Social Security and USAF retirement funds.
Frank_chevelle@reddit
Yes. At least once a week. They are wonderfully loving people.
Going in a trip to see them soon. Can’t wait!
Cold-Guidance6433@reddit
My dad died when I was a lot younger. I’m NC with my mother for mental health reasons. I still carry some guilt from walking away but I guess that’s normal.
Upbeat_Call4935@reddit
Yes. My father died 10 years ago. I miss him every day. My mother loves 20 minutes away from me and I talk to her multiple times a week and seldom go a week without seeing her. They (my mom and stepfather) are an integral part of my family’s lives. They never miss a grandchild’s play/concert/game/birthday etc.
kategoad@reddit
I am very lucky. I took a day of vacation on Friday (end of tax season + seeing Pete Buttigieg in their town that evening). I spent much of it hanging with my dad talking about the genealogy stuff we've talked about dozens of times, and playing cards with my mom. During COVID, my sister, mother, and I started playing a game over the internet every Sunday afternoon. We still do most weeks. We chat, play games, and (for some reason) tell each other what we are having for dinner.
captain_ohagen@reddit
Yes, regularly.
Gunsandglory101@reddit
You got issues, bro
CtrlAltDeli@reddit
Very much so, they are my best friends. Heartbreaking to see them get old, but I will be there with them and for them every step of the way, like they have always been for me.
I am very very lucky to have and have had them as mine.
lodebolt@reddit
My mom passed 21 years ago I wish she was still around so much I'd like to apologize for or wish I could share with her. My dad I haven't truly spoken to in 8 years and I like it like that.
Complete_Hospital283@reddit
🖕
Dsxm41780@reddit
My mom just passed last month. I’d give anything to have her back. We weren’t super close once she reached adulthood but she was always a part of my life for at least major holidays and occasions.
The only positive is this has at least made me and my father closer and he had let me in more.
Keeping parents at arms length is fine but short or anything abusive or criminal, I wouldn’t cut them out.
pung54@reddit
I cut mine off too, it's tough sometimes though. In my situation I didn't even realize how bad they were until I saw them around my kids. Then it was a big nope, no need for your negative influence if I have a say.
Charlie61172@reddit
Yes. I love my parents.
Sloanepeterson1500@reddit
My parents died, a year apart, of cancer/heart disease, before I was 30. I would do anything to talk with them again or have had them to talk to over the years. They would’ve loved my kids so much (my daughter is SO much the entertainer like my dad was) & maybe even got to my grandkids. I’m not gonna lecture because everyone’s situation is so unique but I know firsthand the emptiness my kids had without them so reconsider leaving them out of your lives entirely, if possible ❤️
HockeymomNJ@reddit
That is hard. Hugs to you.
Powersmith@reddit
Yes... despite the neglect (beyond typical latchkey and divorce... literal meth lab in the garage and various problematic strangers in and out, messy messy, more). It's not typical parent-kid dynamics (since actual recognizable parenting ended around 7\~8), but I have opted to give them each grace and have good relationships with both. My sibling and I keep each other sane and we both came very present loving parents, maybe compensating a bit lol.
PrinceFan72@reddit
Dad died when I was very young. Mum is a bitter, passive aggressive bigot. I cut her off years ago and am so much happier.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
I’m at peace too
PrinceFan72@reddit
It's a bit of a shame as my brother and his family live with our mum, so he effectively cut himself off from me as well. we have minimal contact but he knows almost nothing about my current situation, as I know he'll just tell her. Peace wins, as you say.
Comfortable_Backside@reddit
Dad died 30 years ago...l don't talk to my mum...nasty bigot.
Phobos1982@reddit
I keep in touch with my remaining parent but not constatly.
_ism_@reddit
i'm like you. it's hard to find people my age who took this path. i also didn't have kids, so i'm kinda alone on both sides now trying to make friends in my 40s and it's impossible to relate to most people my age because their entire lives are "elderly parents AND minor children" and i feel kind of painfully unique bc i chose to cut off my parent and not to have children so that i would never put a human being in the kind of positions she put me in.
Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit
61 soon. you're right about that. things worked out with my dad at the end of his life, but I feel a bit of an og eye roll coming on sometimes, about all the trendy new no-contactists who suddenly have each other to compare notes with. like: "hah! I did all that before there was influencers and websites and discord channels to validate it".
_ism_@reddit
Well, I did, it's true! I cut her off before Facebook existed! I left the night after i graduated high school!
Winter-eyed@reddit
Every week I talk to my dad and step mom. When my mom was alive we talked a couple times a week and my in laws it was about once a month while my FIL was alive and my MIL wasn’t sundowning.
NCinAR@reddit
Dad passed away about 25 years ago, but I’m no contact with my mother, who will be 80 this year. I’m pretty sure she had borderline personality disorder. I sent her a letter telling her all the awful things she’s done to me from childhood up until no contact, and she completely ignored it. And I only did that because I was keeping her at an arm’s length while being polite and she kept emailing me that I needed to FORGIVE.
I told her that if she wanted to talk through all the things in my letter and possibly see a therapist together, maybe that could happen.
Instead, she’s just continued to send me letters and gifts for the past three years like there’s nothing wrong. I’ll feel relieved when she is gone.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
I get you. My mom is so mean to me and hates me so much that she took me out of her will. She left my brothers though.
OldFitDude75@reddit
Nope. They tried to sell off our family heritage (some property) after a squabble with family and decided to cut me out of the process so I went no contact. Greedy shitty old boomers will do greedy shitty old boomer things, but I don’t have to be there for it and neither do my kids
jollytoes@reddit
My parents have always belonged to a culty religion. When I decided it wasn't for me as a late teen they were done with me. I moved out shortly thereafter and had no contact for years. About 5yrs ago it seemed like they were trying to come back into my life and I realized I didn't care. I cut out that part of me years ago and there's no way to grow it back. They're just strangers I knew in my childhood. A 1300 mile distance is the way I like it.
4mmun1s7@reddit
My father is dead. I was cut off from him for decades, until later in life he got really sick and was living in assisted living. First time in my life he was sober. He became a really nice guy for a while, I forgave him and got to know him a bit before he passed. I feel bad for my brother, who still to this day holds on to anger and hate. It is destroying him.
My mother is alive, but lives with said brother. I cannot STAND my brother so I only go see my mother when he’s out or working.
Live-Cat9553@reddit
I wish I could talk to them but they’re both passed. I still do sometimes, keeping rituals like telling my mom I saw the first robin of spring. A lot of shit went down when I was a kid but my parents were good people. We forgave each other for a lot and got past it before they both passed. I’m lucky that way. Sorry for your situation, OP. I wish you peace in this difficult situation.
dysteach-MT@reddit
I moved 1500 miles away when I was 18 to a large urban city. I moved back home in 2017 to be closer to them. I didn’t speak with my dad the majority of the time, my mom has always been my best friend and she was the glue in the family. She got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in August of 2023 and I moved to my hometown (less than 2,000 people, takes me 15 minutes to get to town) in January of 2024, and she passed in April. My dad is 90, refuses to let me move in to help him. I’m disabled (not physically) from MS, and he would rather pay my rent than admit he needs help. He calls me because he can’t remember where a pot is, and we have the same conversation 3 times during a 1 hour visit. He says he’d rather hire someone to help. And guess what? Small town, no services. Our assisted living facility shut down 2 years ago.
And, to top it off, my asshole brother went no contact with me 2 days after mom died. He refuses to let me in his house, or have holidays at dad’s. Instead, he drives over from the next town and brings him back to his house, so I’ve spent the last 2 years of holidays alone.
I feel like I’m in this weird holding pattern in my life- I can’t make any real plans or goals until dad passes. He won’t let me move anything in the house, so mom’s stuff is just like she left it. It’s going to take me a year to clean it out for sale. My brother doesn’t want the ranch & I can’t afford to buy him out, and my dad will die on his land.
Suckage.
Bucks2174@reddit
My Mom died last June. I would give anything to talk to her again. My Dad is 88 and is hard of hearing, I can’t really even talk to him on the phone much now. It sucks.
DragApprehensive336@reddit
Maybe once or twice a year out of obligation. My mom has always been abusive, and my dad has gotten unbearably conservative. It's frustrating, and I don't have the patience for that nonsense anymore.
DokZayas@reddit
I'm pretty lucky. I lost my (amazing) dad in 2023 but my mom, step-dad, and step-mom are all healthy and happy.
I have six siblings (and lots of great nieces and nephews) and we all remain very close and see each other all the time.
SnooBananas7856@reddit
I wish I had family like this. I lost my amazing dad nearly twenty years ago and he was my best friend. My mother and golden child brother do not like me at all. We don't talk anymore. My husband and I have raised our now-adult daughters alone, without any extended family. It's lonely, but I adore my husband and my girls.
Ok_Schedule5017@reddit
My dad has been gone for 25 years. My mom is still hanging on. She’s doing pretty good considering all her factors. Two years ago, I moved 8 hours away. She was living with us and was invited to come. So she moved and we are 9 hours away. She comes for a couple of months every little bit. She’s coming in May because her last grandchild (my youngest) is graduating high school. (Yay him and yay me bc he’s the youngest of 4) I am not sure when she is planning to go home. Maybe July or August then come back for the holidays. She lives with her sister in the middle of nowhere. I live on the outskirts of a very large metro area. She wavers on moving here with us a lot.
mitosis799@reddit
Yes but they are both in urns.
MaxH42@reddit
Yeah, I came here to say "They're both dead....so, yes." And mine are also in urns by our mantle!
_Losing_Generation_@reddit
Yeah, they live about 15 minutes away. I try to go every other week or so. It's frustrating though. They live in a completely different world, believe every doom and gloom post on Facebook and never take any advise from me. And so tired of hearing stories of when I was 6, which are nowhere near accurate. Or hearing about a long lost relative who's my 3rd cousin once removed.... But I'm patient and am glad they're still around. I had a great childhood growing up.
SWNMAZporvida@reddit
I’ve called my 84yo mom everyday for like 15 years. Cancer took my dad in 2020 and since my other 3 siblings call her daily too. She’s literally the little old widow who only goes to church and talks to her kids.
Raul_Duke_1755@reddit
I've had an ongoing Sunday call with my Mom since I was 18. I'm 55 now. This was her request when I left home. I enjoy the tradition. It's kept me grounded.
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
My brother and I too with my parents
knitty_kitty_knitz@reddit
Only met my dad once and he passed. Mom is a narcissist who hurt me, my husband and kids with her selfish man-absorbed, acting like a teenager behavior. I could let the shitty childhood go, but when her awful behavior continued into adulthood, it had to be goodbye. I hated hurting her but I can’t imagine a reconciliation as she is a gaslighter who thinks she’s flawless.
rhionaeschna@reddit
I talk to my dad as often as I can without annoying him. I live long distance and he's got health issues and hates the idea of being checked up on, but I know he's lonely. My brother lives nearby and helps him a lot. My folks weren't perfect, but I miss my mom and wish I could see my dad more than I do.
EveryExplanation8084@reddit
I am close with my mom but don’t speak to my three older siblings and want nothing to do with them. They are horrible people.
BaronessF@reddit
I am completely cut off from the "parents" who raised me. I haven't seen or spoken to either of them in over 20 years. My birth mother and I reunited when I was in my twenties, and we are in constant contact.
retro_toes@reddit
My mom is my neighbor and we talk multiple times a day. She’s also the biggest pain in the ass in my life and we fight like sisters.
DesignNormal9257@reddit
I speak with my mother almost daily, but my father has gone no contact with me over the past year. He blames me for him not having a relationship with his grandkids, but he has put zero effort into connecting with them, much as he did with me.
CellistEmbarrassed80@reddit
No. My sister and I were raised by our single, narcissistic mother, who is now in memory care just an hour away. We struggle with guilt to go see her once a month.
kanben@reddit
Yes, but wish I didn’t, but also wish that I could want to
JenLiv36@reddit
Went no contact, back before mainstream people even understood what it was. It was absolutely the right move for me.
divergurl1999@reddit
Nope. Finally went No Contact with them both after I finally realized that my lifetime of abuse and neglect wasn’t normal and “most kids have it worse” is completely untrue.
Reading these responses about how many love their parents, have good relationships, talk to your parents often, makes me a little sad. I was in what was truly a transactional relationship, love/affection/attention withheld unless I behaved/performed a certain way. They were nice/kind in front of others so that I would appear crazy if I ever told the truth about the hours of screaming, the months of grounding, the isolation, the CSA. I didn’t learn until I was 47 my mother protected my father from the legal consequences of what he did to me after I was brave enough to tell on him at age 10/11. She continued to allow him to physically and psychologically abuse me my whole life because it protected her from his abuse, while they both groomed me to believe this was all normal family dynamics. I have now not spoken to others them in nearly 5 years and I have done more healing and relearning relationship dynamics in these years than I ever would have done had I stayed in the FOG of their presence in my life. I’m finally out of that Fear Obligation and Guilt and I’m healing and finding peace.
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
I’m really sorry you had such a crappy childhood . It’s interesting to me that people can experience relatively the same trama and handle it different ways. I think it took me until I was a parent to forgive my parents and understand , and realize they were ( mom) just products of their enviorments.
deathproofbich@reddit
I do but it’s into empty space. They’ve both passed away.
SufficientOpening218@reddit
Mom yes, but its hard. she drives me nuts. But she tries hard. Dad not for 40 years. good riddance.
demonsidekick@reddit
I talk to my mom everyday. I never talk to my father.
lifeisfascinatingly_@reddit
Yes. I take care of my Mom since my Dad passed away. I would give anything to have my Dad here. I was blessed with the parents I had and just wish I could have had them forever. I feel sad for people who don’t have that.
WoodsofNYC@reddit
Me, too.
Tree_killer_76@reddit
My dad passed away a long time ago. My mom and I are very close. We see each other twice a week and text almost daily. My wife’s dad also passed away a long time ago, but she and her mom are estranged.
jfdonohoe@reddit
only in arguments in my head
bzmcgee@reddit
Well of course! Why wouldn’t I?
cmb15300@reddit
No, they weren't exactly the supportive sorts so they're getting tte same from me
HFTCSAU@reddit
My parents are both gone, mom in 23, dad in the beginning of 25 it was a shitty 18 months.. before that yes every day my mom lived in our home! My dad we talked regularly at least twice a week when he was healthy enough
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
So sorry
RespondOpposite@reddit
Of course I do. My mother is my bestie.
Ammortalz@reddit
Sounds like she never whipped you with a pine branch or told you the worst thing you could ever do would be bring home a black woman.
Spare-Good-5372@reddit
I do, but I don't like it. We're not religious at all, but both sets of parents are extremely religious and hate the way we're raising the grandkids. It's none of their fucking business; they had their chance to raise children and inflicted religious trauma on them.
dreadful_cookies@reddit
Yep, but they're dead so one-sided.
rubbertreeparent@reddit
Begrudging holiday contact. My in-laws, on the other hand, are fantastic people and were wonderful parents. We see them a lot. Weekly dinners, live nearby. I asked them if they wanted to live in a suite in our home, they declined. I was sad.
JulesSherlock@reddit
I talk to my mom Tuesday- Friday in mornings before work and I see her every Friday afternoon. I try to take her out for lunch on Saturday once a month. She is a great mom and good friend although her memory is going now. She turns 88 in May. My dad died 35 years ago.
CauliflowerLonely799@reddit
My parents did the best they could for what they had & what they knew. My mom has mental illness ( glad she could pass that on to all of us ) and my dad worked 2 jobs. We had a decent childhood , my mom was slightly abusive but getting older I realize that that was just what she knew, my parent didn’t beat me daily , I might have endured one or two . We weren’t hungry , we went places, we went on vacation , then encouraged my love of travel. We weren’t rich but they always made stuff work for us. But after pondering all of this for 25 years , I have 💯 forgiven them for everything and anything. They are amazing supportive people who would do anything for anybody. Retirement has been non stop volunteering for them. So yes, I see my parents a couple times a month, it would be more if we lived closer . We’re all getting older , I will truly miss them when they’re gone. I’m blessed
Far-Squash7512@reddit
All the time...I love them both with all my heart. I'm planning on buying a bigger house this year to move them in with me. They're doing OK physically but are tired a lot and need help they won't ask for. I got my dad excited about the move, so I'm slowly working on my mom now. She's super independent, whereas my dad's a bit of an adventurer and would love to live somewhere new/out of state. I've been determined since I was a kid to take care of them one day and that time has almost arrived. I'm 😊 excited. Only child here and always loved living with them, plus my fiance has been my BFF for so long that he was always part of the family. He loves them, too!
PegShop@reddit
My dad died last year, and I talked to him a couple of times a week until he died and was with him for his last month on a daily basis. My mom has advanced Alzheimer’s and doesn’t know who I am, but of course, I still visit her and according to her and her “favorite worker”
I’m sorry you felt the need to cut your parents out. My parents weren’t perfect, but they weren’t as toxic like some people’s. They made mistakes but nothing unforgivable.
MakeItAll1@reddit
A talk to my mother daily. She’s 89.
Ammortalz@reddit
Cut mine off in 2003. They both died in the last couple years.
omibus@reddit
We have phone calls with my parents and my in-laws once a week. My parents live 100 miles away, as do my siblings, but we all get together about once every few months.
My in-laws live 2000 miles away, we try to see them every year or two.
Parking_Exit2297@reddit
I go see my mom every Sunday, dad passed last November
ZetaWMo4@reddit
Yeah, I still talk to mine. We just spent the weekend together celebrating my youngest daughter getting married. They live across the street and I have weekly dinners with them every Wednesday.
Karzaad@reddit
Mom has been gone 6 years, Dad left us in 1999.
Still feel their presence everyday, and yeah, there are one sided conversations for sure.
MrsEmilyN@reddit
Yes..my mom more now that I used to
My dad died in February. I'm all my mom has.
I try to text and check on her daily, and visit on the weekend.
fumbs@reddit
I did until they died. We had an awkward relationship, but I still kept in touch.
DamnGoodCupOfCoffee2@reddit
I used to daily then each died and I’m left just thinking about them daily. They weren’t perfect but the were kind and loving and supportive in the way they knew how so I feel very lucky in this department.
Firm_Drink734@reddit
I wish everyday I could talk to them. I still have my stepmother I talk to weekly.
Working_Park4342@reddit
Dad died 20 years ago, I was at his funeral. Mom died about 5+ years ago, I did not attend and have not been to her grave. That says it all.
meeshahope@reddit
I get that. My dad died 30 years ago. I went to his funeral, cried for weeks, and think of him/miss him every day. My mother died the same day that my favorite cat died. Didnt go to mother's funeral, never went to her grave, never cried. I still miss my kitty and will occasionally tear up when I think of him.
Conscious_Crow_5465@reddit
You bet
Party_Eye9396@reddit
My dad died in '09 and he was an asshole so that wasn't a big loss for me. I had a tough relationship with my mom growing up because she was so strict and wanted to control everything about my life. It took a long time for her to realize what she tried to do was wrong and we have a much better relationship. Now, she and I video chat every Thursday and text throughout the week.
Appropriate_Gap1987@reddit
I would love to, both have passed away.
Bearded_Pip@reddit
Nope. And they are way too proud to ever apologize, or even see a need to apologize that this is how it will be until they are gone.
Suspicious_Story_464@reddit
Mom passed 4 years ago, but I moved in with my dad since he is pretty physically disabled. Before that, yes everyday. My parents were great to us. I really can't say that about most of my friends, though.
Curious_Bicycle_@reddit
OK, here we go. My mother was born in 1950 and I (F56) was born in 1970. She was a late blooming hippie who came from a very dysfunctional two martini lunch family. Her parents divorced and left her and her brother with their alcoholic mother. Her older brother went off to college and joined a Christian cult. When it became dangerous, she left her mother‘s home at 17 and married my father when she was 19. I’m the oldest of three girls each two years apart my parents divorced shortly after my youngest sister was born. My father was a college educated engineer who worked on building the first space shuttle, I’m born and raised, and still living in Dallas, Texas. In Texas, a hippie is something different than what you might imagine a hippie in Norcal or the East Coast to be. To put it simply hippies in Texas are basically outlaws.
I want to make a note right here. Sometimes we forget that the hippie generation turned into the me generation.
BetterGoogleit17@reddit
My grandpa also worked on the shuttle program at Morton Thiokol in Ogden UT. He was a chemist, and a solid fuel rocket pioneer.
LetThem_1972@reddit
Most "hippies" I've known have been flakes and users. They believe in "sharing" and "community" when they needed something. Perhaps there are give-and-take, more reciprocal hippies out there, but I never met any.
sageberrytree@reddit
No. Would still love my FIL daily if he hadn't died.
So I can see both sides. He wasn't a perfect parent but he tried.
My mother though? No.
tazlightoller@reddit
Both parents are gone. Lost dad in 2013, didn't really shed a tear, he was brutal on us. So didn't converse with him much when I finally told him to fuck off at 25. He met his granddaughter twice. He was good with her, but we keep it at a minimum because I knew it could go off the rails quickly and it did, right after my brothers funeral. I did manage his finances at the end. I still cared but kept my distance for the most part.
Mom was my best friend for a long time. Until her body started failing her and we had to put her in a home. Then anything negative she got super anxious about, so I tried to keep her protected from that, she was dealing with enough shit let alone trying to deal with mine. When covid hit, they got locked down so I did not see her in person until the casket. My last memory of my mother was me standing at the entrance dropping some things off for her and waving goodbye. Didn't know it then, but it was really goodbye. We would talk on the phone but not in person. Couldn't be with her when she died. Covid was so unknown at the time and I had my new born grandson living with me so didn't want to take the chance of him being infected. It was brutal. She was an angel, raised me and my brothers with little or no help and was always there when we needed her. Worked her ass off. Retired 3 times, and was left with nothing in the end. Shitty way to end a life when she done so much right in the world. Miss her quite a bit, but I also am at peace because of the pain she was going through.
observingwint@reddit
🫂🫶🏾
AGirlHasNoUsername13@reddit
Lost Mom in 2022, Dad is my rock. We work together, talk everyday. Every day I think what the fuck I’m going to do when he’s gone.
MasterWinstonWolf@reddit
I had the same thing with my dad...until I didn't...it's devastating my friend.
Prepare your heart mind and soul for the blow.
Adventurous-Brain-36@reddit
My Dad was my rock, too. It’s hard.
TheKdd@reddit
My father croaked a few years back. He was not a good person so we didn’t talk much.
I do still talk to my mom daily if possible. I got lucky, she’s the best one could have asked for and had to do it alone. My heart breaks at the thought that I can’t have her forever.
Footdust@reddit
I talk to mine every day, see them once a week and go on a big family vacation with them once a year. I did not have a perfect childhood, but several years ago I received a very heartfelt apology from them. They have continued to grow and learn throughout their lives. I don’t know what I will do without them.
Itchy-Zucchini-7670@reddit
My dad died in 2004. My mom is one of my best friends even though I grew up fighting with her. I guess I'm lucky.
Allmyexesliveintx333@reddit
Daily. I love my mom. My dad wasn’t in my life and the last time I saw him by chance was when I was 18.
artizin@reddit
Mom and Dad both gone, Dad to complications of cancer treatment in 2005, and Mom, to pneumonia after one or two strokes. Dad was abusive to my mother and I when I was young, they divorced when I was 5. Both of them were alcoholics. Mom got addicted to Oxy after several neck surgeries, and became super erratic and demanding. As tenuous as our relationships were before they died, I really wish I could talk to them when having great and horrible days. Hug your parents if they’re close and still around.
Spiritual-Teach7115@reddit
I’m so sorry. I had a complicated relationship with my mother; I read an article somewhere that talked about “ambiguous loss,” and it resonated with me. I at once recognize the damage she did to me and I miss her terribly and would kill for a few minutes with her.
cnation01@reddit
I have minimal contact with my immediate family, including my mom. My father was a pile of dicks and never in my life.
Alcohol and prescription drug use got in front of my immediate family and it destroyed us. We used to get together for weekend dinners all the time and it was great. It slowly turned into a drunken shit show after my grandparents passed.
We had one to many stupid arguments while everyone was drunk and I bowed out. Kind of went out with both barrels blazing putting emphasis on everyone always being high or drunk, and how I dont want that in my life.
Now everyone thinks im a pretentious dick 🤷♂️
Have to protect yourself man. I love them but fuck that scene.
peteywheatstraw420@reddit
Yes, both my parents live with me. I witnessed first hand the stress and chaos my girlfriend endured shuttling back and forth to care for her mother who was slowly deteriorating with dementia. I didn't want to witness the same happening with my parents, so I thought it best we all just live under one roof. I also have a child with special needs so it's also more prudent having us all together as needed (my son lives with his mother during the week). My situation certainly isn't for everyone. It's created discord in my own relationship. And I've basically signed myself up for a lifetime of caring for my folks, if needed. Which I'm fine with.
Genuine907@reddit
Miss my dad every day.
Mom forgot I exist. Not dementia. Just ignores me. Same as it ever was.
eurobeez@reddit
I talk to my mom at least twice a day
Opposite-Tiger-9291@reddit
When I reached my mid-20s, I started to put into force my deep resentment of my parents. I would go years not talking to my mother, and then we would try again, and she would screw it up, so I would once again go years without talking to her. We repeated this process a number of times, and I don't know that I will even talk to her before she dies. My father died early. I didn't go to his deathbed, and I didn't go to his funeral. He didn't leave anything for me to inherit, either.
itwillmakesenselater@reddit
Both my parents have died. I still talk to my Dad a lot when I'm problem solving. I don't talk to Mom as much, since she still bullies conversations.
Zoegirlmom@reddit
I was very close with my parents. My dad passed about 12 yrs ago and my mom last summer. I always thought that I had learned so much from my mom and would be ok when she passes, but every day I wish I could call her with some stupid question or another. I miss them both dearly.
anyoutlookuser@reddit
Mine were silent gen. I miss em every day.
sloop111@reddit
Mine are silent generation and I'd give anything to be able to talk to mom again 😞
sparkedlibrarian@reddit
Every day
DarthTexasRN@reddit
Some of y’all….wow.
There’s a ton of selfishness on Reddit, but some days this sub is worse than all the rest.
toaddawet@reddit
My parents had kids late, they were/are silent generation. I had a decent relationship with my dad until he passed in 2018. My mom ended up moving in with us, and we have always had a good relationship. So I talk to her every day, usually. It’s nice.
zenunseen@reddit
Same situation. My mom was 41 when i was born. I remember in grade school, a classmate was surprised to find out that her mom remembered a time before color television. I told her that my mom remembered the first time she ever saw a television in a store window
mtcrick@reddit
I do. Mine are Silent Gen.
I have been very honest with them about how my childhood damaged me. They sort of get it, but aren't terribly apologetic. They seem to be under the delusion that my childhood was idyllic.
Cheska1234@reddit
Nope. Mom is alive and less than two miles from my house. Haven’t talked to her in almost two years. Father died no contact as well. Both had/have a problem with lgbt.
observingwint@reddit
🫂🫶🏾
BryanP1968@reddit
Not without an Ouija board.
wamimsauthor@reddit
Yep all the time.
gnortsmracr@reddit
No. Dad passed seat when I was 22, and mom in 2013 after battling Alzheimer’s.
NDStars@reddit
Orphans, unite. 😢😢😢
TacoBMMonster@reddit
Yeah, but I have to use a medium.
pinchechin0@reddit
Mom passed in 2010. Last year my dad moved close to where my family and I live. Before he moved we occasionally spoke on the phone. Now that he’s nearby we talk more often and go out for a quick lunch every now and then.
Conscious-Secret-775@reddit
My mother can’t talk any more and my father mostly talks nonsense.
YukonSunset@reddit
I talk to them both daily. I had good parents (one a boomer, one a silent-generation), and consider that I was also a pretty good child for them.
Prestigious-Curve-64@reddit
I went low-contact with my dad for a few years before he died. He wasn’t a good person, although sometimes I think he wanted to be. Hyperreligiousity is no better for parenting than any other addiction. Possibly worse. Mom is still alive, but I miss her - she used to be thoughtful and sharp, but she has fallen into a certain political cult, and safe to say our values do not align.
I’ve talked with her about the damage that some of the stuff they did caused. Not to be hurtful - I still can’t stand to see her hurt - dad did more than enough of that - but because it feels important. She doesn’t try to defend herself, but tries to understand. Like, I said, I miss her 😢
voidwaffle@reddit
I miss who my parents were. It’s sad to still see them around but realize they aren’t who they used to be. My mom at 50 would not recognize herself today
BetterGoogleit17@reddit
48M. I told my father off (finally) a little over a year ago, so I'm no contact now. I still speak to my mother on occasion, due to one fundamental reason. She at least owns her mistakes. My father not only doesn't, but then actually lies to everyone by saying I had it SOOO good growing up. He was an abusive druggie, and my parents made me live my childhood up in the mountains in the woods with no power or water. In the winter months, I literally sat in the dark and played with my toys by flashlight for a couple hours until they got home everyday. Then he would crank up the generator, get high and pass out on the couch. My mom and I would watch our rabbit eared TV and it's two channels until the generator would run out of gas and we would go to bed. That's not even close to the end of the story but you get the idea.
Criseyde2112@reddit
I'm glad you found what works best for you. My mother died four years ago and I miss her terribly. I chat with my stepdad every day, though. My mom was his best friend and he was so lost when she died, but he's adjusted now. I love him dearly.
I haven't spoken to my biological father in 17 years. I don't need his awfulness in my life.
Delicious-Tea-1564@reddit
Every day. And I had my grandparents till my late 30s. I also talk to my siblings daily which my husband doesn't understand as he barely talks to his sister.
Main_Paramedic_292@reddit
Yes. Mom died in 90, step-mom in 01, dad in 24.
Every-Cook5084@reddit
This thread makes me realize how lucky I am. My parents were always good to us and are still together and happy in their late 70s, I speak to them daily.
OwslyOwl@reddit
Same!
Daetiralso@reddit
My dad's birthday was April 8th. I sent him a text saying Happy Birthday. He has not responded since. I guess I have finally made it to not being needed to make themselves feel better anymore, or they died. I'll find out someday I'm sure
weenie2323@reddit
I had very distant relationship with my parents for decades, spoke to them maybe once every few months even though they lived 2 miles from me. Then I got The Phone Call. A doctor at a local emergency room telling me they could no longer take care of themselves. They were in way worse shape than I knew about. I spent the next 2 yrs caring for them daily. The last year they were both in wheelchairs, had dementia, the whole horror show. I changed a LOT of adult diapers. Not feeling emotionally attached to them actually made it easier to watch their decline.
I could have sold their house and put them in a nursing home but they were very against this and it would have been a huge fight. I hired caregivers to come in during the day when I was a work. It was 2 years of hell. They ended up dying 1 week apart.
But I got a 500k house for my labor and there was no way I could afford to own a house otherwise. It was worth it, I have a paid for house to retire in.
neverinamillionyr@reddit
Dad passed 10 years ago, mom is in a nursing home. She can’t walk but mentally she is as clear as she’s ever been. I live halfway across the country and I call her every evening on my drive home from work. My brother lives near her and visits at least once, sometimes twice a day. His wife and son stop by and visit frequently too, taking her leftovers or things she baked.
I had good parents and I’m going to do all I can in whatever time we have left.
Gen7Malibu@reddit
I talked with both 3-4 days a week. Dad died in 2021. Talk to my mom 4-5 days a week now.
Old__Medic_Doc_68@reddit
My Dad died in 2003 and I still have my Mother(80) and stay in constant touch. We have a great relationship and she loves her grand children and great grandchildren. She is active despite old age and is overall a great human being.
Fair_Effective_3799@reddit
Wonderful. I am so happy for all of you. I wish her ongoing health and strength.
EmotionalVegetable48@reddit
What a shame
Anonymo123@reddit
They are both dead, so no. I used to talk to them weekly and when my dad passed, my mom every few days and see her on the weekends.
dragonslayer137@reddit
I take care of my mom 34/7.
Dad was to wealthy to have me in his life.
HonestNeighborhood67@reddit
Dad and stepmom are both gone now. My relationship with them was always anxious and long spans of silence in the last 20 years of their lives. Biological mother left my brother and I when we were little and never had a significant relationship with her. She’s now in a state home with significant dementia. The last phone call I had with my dad was the result of a letter I had written to them trying to create a conversation about things in my past. Not accusatory at all. It was received, questioned, and then shared with my step sister without my permission. The lasting memory I have of that conversation are two things: 1) him questions why I had gotten divorced 10 years ago, and 2) to tell me that shouldn’t have secs with my wife-to-be until we got married (also sharing that he and my stepmom had done exactly the thing I shouldn’t do.)
_WillCAD_@reddit
Mom died in 2010. Dad remarried in 2019 and moved to Florida a few weeks later.
I have a pretty good relationship with Dad, but we don't talk much because of the distance. Mostly a text or a phone call on our respective birthdays.
Fair_Effective_3799@reddit
Low contact with my father. NC with my mother.
MissMurderpants@reddit
Yes, my folks are silent gen. Chill good folk. Sadly lost my dad in Dec. mom is losing her grasp on reality but still nice.
I miss my dad. I miss how mom used to be.
They loved to travel and visit family. Respected boundaries. Embraced all my friends like they were their kids to.
Beautiful_Grape67@reddit
Great relationship. Loving and supportive throughout my life. Dad passed but Mom is still kicking. They both had/have wonderful relationships with their grandkids.
BoogerPicker2020@reddit
the one thats still alive, very low contact.
I got tired of being accused as the bad person to their emotional dysregulation fits.
baseballzombies@reddit
Sorry to hear that. Not all boomers are evil. I visit my parents weekly. My mom has 5 sisters and they are all still in contact with their kids.
CarBonBased198@reddit
Not all
SecretMiddle1234@reddit
My mom passed in 2000. I don’t talk to my Dad since Sept 2022 when he decided to make himself look good by disparaging my deceased mom and brother, my husband, me, my surviving brother. He stopped himself when he got to my Mom’s mother. He said these hurtful things to my son. I cut him off. Then my stepmom told me that I was a troubled person. lol!! Same thing my Dad said about my son. We are the troubled ones.
TheEvilOfTwoLessers@reddit
My father died around 2000. I had dinner with him a few weeks earlier but not for years before that. I went NC with my mom in the 90s and have stayed that way.
XXOO1960@reddit
Both are gone now. I’d give anything for another conversation.
pwwhisperer@reddit
Miss them everyday.
Konklar@reddit
Same here.
_crashtested@reddit
Daily to weekly depending on what’s going on.
Puzzleheaded_Use_566@reddit
My Mom, almost every day.
My dad died when we were all teenagers, but he had some issues and I honestly can’t say if they would’ve gotten better or worse had he lived longer.
Renny4400@reddit
I’m sorry to hear you had such a hard upbringing . I hope that you’ve been able to find other people in your life to help you through life’s challenges. My experience was the opposite. My dad passed away but I would give anything to talk to him again. My mom recently moved away to be closer to my brother and sister but we talk almost every day on the phone. I’m going through some health issues right now so my mom wants to check on me and make sure I’m ok. I’m grateful for the parents I have because I know not everyone can say the same.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
I don’t talk to my brothers either. My mom put a wedge between us. Like I said , they are both horrible.
60PersonDanceCrew@reddit
Nope! And it is literally the best gift I ever gave myself.
yayayagilliganhell@reddit
Every week
ruleux@reddit
For a while yes for both parents. They divorced when I was 5. Moved from Mom to Dad when 13 and then finally cut off contact with substance abusing mother at 23. Cut off contact with Dad at 26 for 10 years. Dad later reconnected, apologized and we have an amicable relationship now. I wouldnt say I am close but I call once a month to talk about the weather. With maturity I realized that I dont see life the same way, avoid religion politics, and anything to do with my childhood. I see people with loving parents that are friends with and I have tried hard to be the same to my children but I can tell at least 1 of them will cut me off at some point...
thedarkforest_theory@reddit
I recently became an orphan. It wasn’t always great but they did the best they could. I think about them all the time.
No_File1836@reddit
I still speak to my dad. My mom passed away about a month ago but before that I still spoke with her. I miss her a lot. I love both of my parents. Things weren’t always sunshine but they did a good job.
WorshipMyOwnSpirit@reddit
Yes. I was fortunate to have kind, loving parents that let me know they loved me and supported me. It wasn’t perfect. But we figured it out. I will always be grateful for them, especially after reading this thread.
FirmListen3295@reddit
Haven’t talked to either of them in over a decade.
JJQuantum@reddit
Both silent gen and both have passed awY.
Detroitdays@reddit
Same. My mom has been dead 30 years this year. Dad 24 years. That said I hadn’t spoken to him in years previous to that. He was an asshole but with many years of hindsight I suspect he was mentally ill.
BiffSlick@reddit
Same
CreativeBusiness6588@reddit
Yuck
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Yuck what?
Magic32101@reddit
Still talk to both regularly. My wife losing both of her parents made me appreciate mine more.
Apprehensive_Gene105@reddit
My Mom is dead. I still talk to her. My Dad is still here, and yes, I still talk to him. Other family is hard. I want to keep up, but that's difficult for multiple reasons.
dauchande@reddit
My mom passed on, but I text my dad often
SergeantBeavis@reddit
Well, Mom passed way a year and a half ago, so no. I did talk to her every week, so I have no regrets there. It wasn’t a great childhood, but she did what she could as a divorced Mom with five kids and no money.
I speak to my Dad every other day. He wasn’t there during my childhood, but I got a good look at the reasons for that. Party of it was my Mom, part of it was him. He grew up, begged forgiveness and we moved forward.
Side note: I really miss talking to my Grandpa. He was there when my Dad wasn’t. He’s the primary reason I forgave my Dad. I think anything good in me was influenced by him. I spoke to him and Grandma every week. I have zero regrets in that relationship, I just miss him.
happymomRN@reddit
Yes, I’ll be going to see her today. It’s never been easy.
I did not see her for 10 years due to something awful she did. But even though that, I knew what was going on was mostly about fear. I had thought that since I was grown she couldn’t hurt me anymore. This she did in a terrible way that I couldn’t see how to forgive her for.
When I was really honest with myself, I had to admit I was terrified of her.
But it was impossible to cut my mom out of my life because so much of who I am was formed by her. I held her great qualities and to my shame some of her worst. Hating her made it impossible to love myself.
Forgiveness and compassion for myself inevitably happened when I had found forgiveness and compassion for her.
She stopped being the huge scary monster and just became a woman broken by cruelty and abuse and raged out of fear at the world because she wasn’t loved and protected, and in doing so perpetrated more abuse.
I finally understood why my mom was so angry all the time. Anger feels like power, so it’s easier to be angry than feel the devastating fear that is under it. Because fear can feel like you are about to die. I understand now the abuse my mom endured always felt like she was fighting for her life.
Awareness and intentionality is the only thing that breaks the cycle. Hiding from the monsters in our life just keeps us in fear and we just teach our children to hide and be afraid.
Historical_Bath_9854@reddit
Yes, I am the oldest and only one of my siblings with both parents, I don't talk to them often, but it's the only way I know how my sibs are doing.
Character-Handle-739@reddit
I talk to my parents a couple times a week. We have a great relationship. And yes I was raised like an 70/80’s kid. Go outside and play was the answer. Hard work, 100%. Earned everything from a very young age.
I regret nothing and would my life over again the same way. Everything that happened good and bad made me the man I am today… and I wouldn’t change anything’s
20characterusername0@reddit
We talk but we don’t communicate.
Mom is a narcissist so she doesn’t hear anything I say anyway. I just make sounds and let her have her conversation.
AnotherRandomDFF@reddit
Still talk (text daily), with my Mom, she's Silent Gen and did the best that she could with a alcoholic husband and a serious chronic illness. My Dad passed about a decade ago and while he was an absent alcoholic, he really made effort sober or not to be a decent human, was a stay at home dad in the early 80's, an artist and believed that my sister and I could do not wrong.
Responsible-Aside835@reddit
I lost both my parents. I would do anything to spend a day talking to my dad.
a-punk-is-for-life@reddit
Me too
Parking_Champion_740@reddit
No, they’re dead
Which-Inspection735@reddit
Mom and step dad have both passed. Dad and step mom are around but it’s complicated. 9/10 he calls me it’s a butt dial, and 1/9 times he’s having a conversation with someone that opens up a wound for me. I always let it go to vm.
ThinkChallenge127@reddit
I wish I could ,but they are gone. I’m a 55 yr old orphan.
Commies-Fan@reddit
I wish. Mine died in the last 6 months.
Crafty-Shape2743@reddit
My dad is dead but yeah, I still talk to him. Mostly about his car that I inherited. I do still talk and visit with my mother because she’s old and I’m a good person. But I really have to limit exposure. I’ve been off high blood pressure meds for a year now but charting it, there is an obvious correlation to it creeping up whenever I visit or have an extended conversation with her. She’s in an excellent skilled nursing facility, has made friends and is doing fine without daily interaction from me.
Informal-Ad-4527@reddit
Every Saturday morning at 8 o’clock.
Supacalafragalistic@reddit
Nope hardly ever, they have never had the capacity to even know who I am or even tried. They are extremely limited and I refuse to put myself thru that anymore. I will most likely not attend their funerals.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Same here.
Apprehensive-Log8333@reddit
Nope. No contact for 11 years and pretty low contact for decades before that. Their choice, though due to their abuse, any reasonable person would have cut them off. I am still getting over being raised by people who hated me, and taught me to hate myself. It led me to some very toxic relationship situations. My grandparents were lovely people, I don't know why my mom is like that.
My daughter still talks to them, she is worried about them because my mom is apparently not doing well. She wants to help, but they won't even let her visit them. She lives pretty close to them; I moved as far away as I could get. She's not even sure they will attend her wedding, which has been planned very close to their home to make it easy for them. I may be the only person from our family there.
I don't know how I will feel when they pass on. I'm sure it will be complex.
Flaky-Debate-833@reddit
Do you think why your parents are the way they are happened in a vacuum? How was their upbringing? What were their parents like? What kind of trauma were they exposed to?
WitchSparkles@reddit
The way they are might not be their fault, but it is thier responsibility.
Just because someone experienced trauma, doesn’t mean they get a free pass to treat thier kids like shit.
Flaky-Debate-833@reddit
Without knowing any details or the specifics on the types or length of trauma someone experienced, that's an overly simplistic answer to what could potentially be an extremely complicated question.
WitchSparkles@reddit
No it’s not. You just don’t like it. Imagine how much happier and mentally healthy you would be if you figured out at some point that you were the driver of your own life.
Flaky-Debate-833@reddit
Yes it is.
supy96@reddit
Unfortunately no, lost my mom at 17 and dad at 34.
NicInNS@reddit
Yes…only have my mom left. We’ve even taken her on vacation with us. My husband gets along with her really well. When his parents were alive he visited them almost every day.
agravain@reddit
when mom was still alive , yes. several times a week.
dad, maybe once a year for decades since they got divorced and he remarried.
meltonr1625@reddit
I talked to them regularly when they were alive. The only thing they ever did was hid stuff from me and my brother. We didn't know our uncle was gay or had aids until he was on his deathbed. He lived in NYC and we lived in the south. My mother announced at thanksgiving dinner that she had a little cancer when the truth was she was eating up with it. She couldn't hide her heart trouble though so we had time to prepare ourselves for it. The last time I visited them in their home, I asked my dad if he could look at my fireplace that I couldn't keep lit and he said next week, I have a mild case of pneumonia. Two weeks later he was in the hospital with stage 4 lung cancer and my mother, who's heart only worked at 50% at best literally gave herself her last heart attack going to the hospital every day and walking long distance from the parking to his room. She died in an elevator lobby and dad died six days later when he couldn't even get to the funeral. They'd been married almost 62 years. It’s very The Notebook ish but I hate they're gone and I feel like they knew he had cancer when I visited them but chose not to talk until they had no choice. For God's sake parents, be open about your health with your children, they know you're going to get old and die
klippDagga@reddit
Yes, because that’s what normal families do.
paulhodgson777@reddit
Same here, unfortunately it doesn't seem to be very normal. I'm grateful.
MaximumJones@reddit
Actually it is very normal for people to talk to their parents.
Reddit is where a LOT of negative people congregate to seek validation and to trauma dump.
So things like no contact with family (and other issues) are VASTLY overrepresented on this platform.
chrispd01@reddit
Yeah. I have my complaints ablut my parents but on the whole a lot of people have it worse.
One thing that I have found - my relationship with my parents has given me a lot of perspective on my kids relationships with me.
That is to say, knowing the issues I had with my parents has allowed me to at least be aware of, recognize and openly discussed issues my kids might have with me now that they’re growing up (late 20s).
Using over my relationships, really allow me to acknowledge to my kids that I wasn’t a perfect parent and that there were plenty of things that I wish I had done better.
I am not sure I would’ve had that perspective if I had had. Perfect parents or terrible parents - instead of the good in some things really bad in others parents that I had.
The net results is I think I have a decent strong relationship with them now. I have spoken with them about all of the issues they may have had and while sometimes I pushed back because I don’t agree, sometimes I agree that they had points.
It’s always a complex realationship but recognizing ones own shortcomings (while not just falling on one’s sword) has been suoer helpful for me.
SnootchieBootichies@reddit
Monthly
tduke65@reddit
Maybe you’re the asshole…?
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
Poor Behavior - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other overly cantankerous commentary and/or behavior will be tolerated.
Turbulent-Demand873@reddit
I talk to mine everyday. I video chat with my mom and oldest daughter daily. And my dad is there so we talk. Vacationed with my parents this year as well. My husband and I took them on a once in a lifetime trip. My parents did the best they could with the tools they had. They loved us. And we have a good relationship now. I know they went through some very traumatic things growing up and they didn’t have (and did t even know of) the resources available now. So I can’t blame them for some things. We have had some very good talks about things and we are all good. In return when I raised my children I wasn’t perfect. I tried to do better but I failed in some ways. I have tried to make amends for where I failed. I feel as though the problem is when we can’t acknowledge where we messed up and can’t apologize and learn from it.
pepelepew2724@reddit
Visited my mother this morning to give her a reduced-price Easter egg she wanted. Father passed away January 2023, so she lives alone. Try to see her at least once a week. My sister lives in the same street so she is there regularly.
1leftbehind19@reddit
Pretty much every night. I take my dog for a walk and stop by there. My dog loves my dad and they keep treats there for her too, and she’s definitely figured that out. I’ve watched the show Survivor with them since the show started and always catch them Wednesday night early enough to watch it. My mom likes to argue with me about politics because my dad won’t argue back with her much. I figure it helps keep us both sharp on our arguing game.
OldSchwaerx@reddit
My mother fled Ohio to eventually land in California near one of my brothers. I drove out a few years ago to see her for a week. She passed away from cancer a week after I returned home. I'm glad I made the trip but honestly, a week was all I could tolerate. She always was a manipulative narcissist who never changed her ways. My dad and my stepmother live in the same town and I rarely see them. I want to but I got tired of being the one to reach out all of the time. They definitely play favorites with their grandkids and my kids aren't so the holidays are the only time we go there. An added note, they announced this holiday season that they aren't going to have a get together anymore, so I have no idea what will happen now.
punkwalrus@reddit
No. One, my mother took her life when I was a teen, and dad threw me out to start a new life. I had to graduate high school homeless. We barely spoke a few words for the next ten years and ONLY becaomy wife thought that family was important. But then she realized that he was a sociopathic asshole, and we haven't spoken since the 90s.
He remarried and his wife every few years emails me "as the group," thinking she's fooling me that it's my dad, but referring to my dad in the third person is kind of a giveaway. Not sure why she emails me, maybe to see if I am still alive for reconnaissance, but who knows.
When my wife died, I sent them a postal mail. I think his wife was shocked that I had their current address, and gave me the most dissonant, "oh, sorry she died, you'll marry again I'm sure, your dad did" response. I never even told them I remarried. I am not sure that they even know.
I am not sure if my dad is still alive, for that matter. He'd be in his late 80s by now.
waitwutok@reddit
My dad was a horrendous POS who died 1.5 years ago. Good riddance.
My mom lives in a memory care unit at a nursing home. She doesn’t recognize me or any of my siblings when we visit her.
leylaley76@reddit
I haven’t spoken to mine for the last two years.
Ok_Product9333@reddit
Lost my mom in 94 when I was a senior in HS. My dad was in prison from the time I was 4 until I was 40. I tried connecting to him. Didn't work.
No animosity, no weaponizing my children. I just understood there wasn't anything there and went on with my life.
RunnerMarc@reddit
No they are both dead
gagirlpnw@reddit
Only via text and only as needed. If I tell my mom anything, I might as well pay to put it on a billboard in my hometown.
GoinMinoan@reddit
Dad went through AA and realized he'd done damage, apologized and tried to do better. Didn't always succeed, but he looked at reality and tried.
Mom would never admit she did anything wrong, ever.
Made a huge difference as to who got talked to, and who got cut off.
LeighofMar@reddit
Every week. My folks were and are great and I can't imagine going through this life without them.
RunRunRabbitRunovich@reddit
Love my parents. Mom passed away and I’m looking to sell my house and their house and find a house that backs up against state game land so my dad can live with us and watch deer from the back porch while having his coffee and enjoying his vape pen at 85😂
Connir@reddit
I do but gray rock one of them.
Worried_Bullfrog_937@reddit
Yes, but we have almost nothing to talk about. We avoid talking about politics or religion because it will just lead to an argument. My dad and I will talk about pop culture a little bit, especially about whatever celebrity just died. But mostly I just talk to them about how my son is doing in school.
CampVictorian@reddit
My parents have been dead for many years, but I have six half-siblings who are old enough to borderline qualify as parental-adjacent influences (the eldest is 19 years older than me). It took me way too long to do so, but I’ve pulled away from all of them entirely; things got a bit wonky after our mother’s death 30+ years ago, and I was branded the scapegoat by the eldest, and everyone else gradually followed her lead. Tried so many times to repair the relationships, but no dice. It still burns at times, but my life is far more peaceful without their presence in it.
OkCalbrat@reddit
I understand this. My Dad died right after I turned 13 but I have a half brother who is 23 years older than me. My nieces are my and my little sisters ages. Despite the fact that I had a mother (whom my brother hated as she was his step mother) my brother insisted on acting like I was his kid, not his sibling. That was fine when I WAS a kid but he continued it after I became an adult. I tried many times to get him to stop acting like I was HIS kid, but nope. I couldn't handle it anymore and have been no contact with him for almost 25 years. Definitely more peaceful.
notanyimbecile@reddit
I wish my mom was still here so I could talk to her.
Seattle_Lucky@reddit
Yeah, my Dad passed 4 months ago and had dementia for years before that. Miss him and his big laugh. I still thank him whenever he pops into my head.
raisinghellions@reddit
I’m so sorry. Lost my dad not quite 2 years ago and I’d give anything to hear his big laugh again.
Sandover5252@reddit
I see my dad when I can - he has ALZ and cannot answer the phone. My mom died in 2019 but I still talk to her.
Make a place for your parents and create boundaries for it, but don’t leave room for regrets or anything unfinished when they are gone.
Techchick_Somewhere@reddit
Ever night we have a FaceTime call. I am close with my parents and we’ve actually been doing this since Covid.
Ratatoskr_The_Wise@reddit
I had Silent Gen parents who were awesome. After they passed away, things got ugly so I cut off my abusive Boomer sister. Then she died. No regrets.
TakingItPeasy@reddit
Yes. My parents were not perfect, but they did the best they could. They took on a good bit of sacrifice so I could have a better life than they did. I have a great deal of appreciation for that. I continue to show that appreciation by keeping un touch and. taking care of them as they age.
Apprehensive_Use1906@reddit
Lost my Dad in 24 and Mom last year. Miss them everyday. They were really good people.
MaximumJones@reddit
They are dead so, no.
grateful_john@reddit
I worked with my father until he passed ~2 years ago, I talk to my mother almost every day. My wife talks to her parents daily.
fbombmom_@reddit
Barely. They were very uninterested parents and even less interested grandparents. They were not kind to me as a child. They were emotionally abusive throughout my first pregnancy at 17. They found joy in making me feel like absolute shit daily. All of which they have conveniently forgotten or dismissed as an exaggeration. They weren't abusive, I was over sensitive. And also they felt like it was justified because you're apparently supposed to verbally abuse your daughter in case of teenage pregnancy.
We're aquaintences. My kids barely know them and they also know how my parents treated me. They have no interest in more than a surface level relationship when obligated.
CrocusCat@reddit
Yes. Mom has advanced dementia, but I spend a couple hours at her memory care most weeks. Dad is in assisted living in the same community, and I visit with him as well. I love them both very much but I am also tired of managing their healthcare and finances. It’s a lot.
SavageRabbitX@reddit
Yeah speak to them fairly regularly and see then 3/4 times a year. My dad has dementia but seems to doing fairly well and my mum is coping with it well, Me and My brother dad-sit for a week each every year so mum can get some time off
sparkles10@reddit
I lost my dad in 2009 way too soon and I miss him everyday Im close but not close with my mom if that makes any sense
Wixenstyx@reddit
Just spent the night over there yesterday because my Mom wanted to play cards and by the time we were done the storm made her worry for my safety.
Sure, I'll curl up in my childhood bedroom and wake up to breakfast. :) I don't always love their political views, but I do love them and I am grateful we still have them.
phalangepatella@reddit
My Dad was my fucking hero, until I became an adult and I realized what a piece of shit he really was. He’s dead, and I can’t even tell you the year, let alone the date.
My mom and I barely speak. Maybe a text message on holidays. Once we realized wha a dick my dad was, my sister and I made it our mission to make up for the years she spent being ignored and mistreated by dad. But no good deed goes unpunished, and after dad was gone, we became the focus of her ire.
She started blaming us for her life’s troubles, and accusing us of all sorts of untrue shit.
Sister and I had tried a dozen or more times to “restart” fresh with her and just enjoy each other for whatever time she has left. Yet, every time we get together, or even call, within a half an hour, mom stays dragging up all the false, hurtful bullshit.
PersonInDenver@reddit
Mom every few weeks. Dad, estranged so not in a few years now
Remarkable_Chart7210@reddit
I wish I still had mine. Mom lost in 2005 and Dad in 2014. They were two of my favorite people and my model in life. I miss them terribly. I was very lucky. I wish everyone had the support and love I did growing up. I help people in difficult situations, everyday, because of them.
LaceyBloomers@reddit
I could have written this whole comment, but my mom passed in 2017 and my dad in 2025. I miss them every day. My heart still aches for them and probably always will. They were Silent Gen, by the way.
deleted_by_reddit@reddit
[removed]
GenX-ModTeam@reddit
{community rule 7}
Ray_The_Engineer@reddit
Food for thought: They'll be gone sooner than you think.
My dad died 22 years ago, I'd give anything to talk to him again. Lost my mom in 2024. You still know that you parents out there, whatever the relationship. It's a different world to live in when you realize that the possibility of communicating with them is forever gone.
Best-Investigator261@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. You’re fortunate to have had parents you could have a relationship with like that.
Some of us came from extremely abusive and neglectful families, and have had to grieve the loss of ‘parents’ (who weren’t parents) while they are alive. It’s a really difficult decision to walk away for many people. I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone who’s not in contact with their parents, as I don’t know their experiences.
I do miss my ex-husband’s parents every day, and my deceased grandparents, and I made sure to talk to / see them often before I couldn’t anymore.
Ray_The_Engineer@reddit
Yep, as a responded to another person, I didn't say that my perspective applies to everyone on the planet.
Elesia@reddit
The world will be a better place without my mother in it. She is a professionally diagnosed sociopath who has never done anything but hurt and manipulate people. The sooner she goes, the fewer additional victims she can collect. I had to move continents to perfect myself from her. Continents, dude, and I know for a fact that she's still after me. I don't even speak English every day anymore. That's how far I needed to go.
I'm honestly very happy for you that your parents were good, but not everybody gets that. The day she finally goes I will take my first deep breath in my entire life.
Ray_The_Engineer@reddit
I never said that my perspective applies to everyone.
But the flip side of that coin is that I know a number of folks that refuse to talk to their parents for stupid, petty reasons, and they don't get that there's a limited timeline.
greatflicks@reddit
Jesus, the replies here are depressing. Was lucky to have both of them until i was 58, lost them both in a month. Miss them every day.
Lumpy-Artist-6996@reddit
I am so sorry! Lost my dad in 2016. He moved 13 hours away when he retired, but we talked at least once a week, and visited as often as we could. Probably twice a year.
My mom is still kicking, and we talk once a week or so.
We're they perfect? No. But they did the best with the tools they had.
greatflicks@reddit
Mine lived 40 minutes away for my adult life, but when their health was failing we moved them to a facility 5 minutes from my house. Spoke to them every day and helped them navigate the health system. Was there at the end for both of them, heartwrenching times.
Tank_top_slut@reddit
Not often, but I live in another state. I would only say 3-4 times a year on the phone.
Ok_Beautiful_773@reddit
My mom is my best friend!! I lost my dad when I was 8. Wish I could have known him too.
Murky-Historian-9350@reddit
Yes, love my parents. Lost my Dad in 2024 but luckily still have my Mom. We get together at least once a week. I’m thankful for her; she’s always been supportive and just there for me and my family.
lucygoestothecoast@reddit
Grateful to have a wonderful mother in law. She’s been a great example for me as to what being a mother, mother in law and grandma should look like. I haven’t talked to my mom in 14 years.
EnjoyingTheRide-0606@reddit
Never spoke to them after Xmas day 2000. They were abusive narcissists who were addicts. All the kids felt the impact of their problems. We all also followed in their footsteps with addiction, mental illness, etc. My brothers are assholes. I have a sister who I’m close with the last 5 years (after she got out of prison) and a half-brother who thinks I’m the antichrist because I’m not the same political party. I have 7 siblings and a stepsister who inherited almost $2million (never worked in her life). Her mother inherited my dad’s money who left it her.
An example of things I think about my family: is she still my stepsister if her mom and my dad are dead? I don’t think so… I’ll occasionally holler “I love you dad” when I feel gipped or that my “family” is sparse. I have a much bigger FRamily - friends who are family.
Hausmannlife_Schweiz@reddit
Moved back to be within 15 miles of my parents. Talk to them every day and see them at least 4 days per week. Sorry your relationship sucks.
Skatchbro@reddit
Yep. Not often enough, though.
CheekanGood@reddit
I visit them every Friday from 1pm to 5pm. Fix things, move things, eat, talk, go over anything that concerns them. My brother does nothing. It's his loss that I'm certain he will regret.
Dr_Starcat@reddit
I talk to my parents about once a month and see them a few times a year (we live in different countries). Just spent a week with them alone in Florida and had a blast. Feel quite blessed.
ReniValentine@reddit
Sure don't. Technically, I talk to my mother rarely (once a month if that, and only by text); the last time I heard from my father was roughly twenty years ago. I don't regret it either: my peace is more important to me than maintaining a "relationship" out of obligation.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Same with me
Colonel_Lexx@reddit
Yeah I’m at their house right now
rks1743@reddit
I love my parents and they live a few miles away. Eventually they will move in with us BUT right now, we had to put my Dad on Life360 so we would have a heads up when he pops in without notice.
Miserable_Willow_312@reddit
I stopped speaking to both in 1998. My mother passed in 2001 and my father in 2012. It was the best decision I've ever made to preserve what little peace I could gather after a childhood full of abuse and neglect.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Same. I’m at peace with my decision.
whiporee123@reddit
Dad died 26 years ago. Still miss him. I talk to mom weekly.
They were narcissists and self involved. But they did the best they could with who they were/are. As I’ve gotten older I have a lot more compassion of what they went through, and I hope my kids will grant me similar grace as we all get older.
lacatro1@reddit
My dad yes, until his death in 2014. My mother, no.
OkCalbrat@reddit
My Dad died when I was a kid. My Mom was an IV meth addict most of my childhood so not a great relationship. Quite a bit of neglect and abuse, but she eventually got clean when I was in my 20's but because of my childhood we didn't have a good relationship. I did allow her to have a relationship with my kids. I didn't think it was fair to my kids that they not know their grandma just because her & I didn't care for each other. My kids are adults in their 30's now and my mom passed away 7 years ago. Turns out she was a wonderful grandmother and my kids have nothing but great memories with her. Do I miss her? A little.
Geekdadd@reddit
Yes, every day!
onebadassMoMo@reddit
I do, of course they’re dead as doornails, so I’m not sure they can still hear me but, I definitely still talk them….. all the time!
LDawnBurges@reddit
No, my parents are both deceased. Before they passed, I made the dutiful weekly check in calls. They weren’t kind people.
raisinghellions@reddit
Yes, but it took a lot of therapy to get to a good place with my mom. And she has taken responsibility for some of the childhood trauma she inflicted which goes a very long way.
She had her own childhood trauma which informed her parenting. When I had my kids I put my foot down and said no more, I’m not passing this trauma down to another generation.
I think I’ve done a pretty good job 🤷♀️
Mischeese@reddit
I do but about very generic things, I largely let them talk about themselves as they like that. They have very little idea of what’s happening in my life, pretty much for the last 45 years.
PlummetComics@reddit
same. But now I stopped calling because of this.
R0CK1TMAN1@reddit
Why? Because you only wanted to talk about YOURself. You are your parents homie drink it up.
AloHaHa2023@reddit
No, They both passed away. But if they were alive I would.
ImaSource@reddit
Sorry to hear that. I still talk to both of mine at least every other week. I try to do weekly, but forget. I also go and see them as well .
Ohgawditburnsitburns@reddit
My oldest brother doesn’t. Moved out of state without mentioning it to us. Said if we want to reach him, we should go through his wife for many years prior to that. We didn’t go through his wife so didn’t see much of him before the move. Also, we were critical of his relationship and financial decisions (deserting his first child, trashing a house in our small hometown and letting it be foreclosed).
My mom is pretty torn up about it, but also won’t call them (I’m pretty sure I have both their phone numbers still). I think I don’t care but also think about them sometimes, so it’s complicated I guess. I’m mostly dreading dealing with mom’s small estate. There’s a piece of real estate in a non revocable trust that I have to split with him, but everything else is in the will that got changed to cut him out.
MrSpud45@reddit
My dad yes, though not as much as others would perceive as normal. Tend to leave messages on each others voicemail services as anything. As for my mum, she went the way of a certain Norwegian Blue in 1997.
HavocNMayhem@reddit
I can say with certainty if the jackal that spawned me into existence were still on this earth, no. She would have been cut off years ago.
My (step) dad on the other hand? Now that cell phones are a common thing, I'd probably talk to him every day like I do now.
gatosmeow@reddit
I had great parents. They’re both passed now, I still need them and I miss them everyday.
That being said, I have seen narcissistic and toxic parents up close. It’s not as simple as “I’m mad at them so they can’t see grandkids” - it’s multilayered and often fraught with complexities to get to the point of complete no contact.
So please don’t judge those who have had to go no contact. There is a lot there you don’t know and it’s usually involved tons of therapy.
haleontology@reddit
Last time I saw my dad, I was 16- he did not recognize me and thought I was just some hot thing- I not only cut him off, I changed my last name
BusyDark7674@reddit
Of course I do
tkingsbu@reddit
Dad passed away a few years ago..
I go visit my mom every other month or so… But call once or twice a week to check in and have a chat :)
We see my in-laws a few times a week as they’re just a few minutes away…
root_fifth_octave@reddit
It’s more like they talk at me.
ElJefe0218@reddit
Parents are silent gens. Dad is the biggest POS ever. No communication, not allowed to talk to or see his grandson who is a great kid. I also have a sister with 2 boys and she will not allow our dad to talk to them either.
PerCuriam1@reddit
Yes, in the abstract. Tell them I love them and miss them every day. They were kind good people.
gothfru@reddit
My dad passed years ago, but I talk/text my mom multiple times a week.
Cynic68@reddit
My father passed 20 years ago. I speak with my mother almost every day.
2PlasticLobsters@reddit
Mine are long dead, but I'd broken off contact with them years before. I had a LOT of trauma from childhood, and it continued to a lesser extent even after I moved out of their household. They hadn't changed any of their dysfunctional behaviors & I'd had all I could take. The only way I could live a sane, stable life was to distance myself completely.
Glitterbomb4274@reddit
Only if I buy a Ouija board.
Suspicious-Yogurt480@reddit
I have several and I still don’t talk to them.
DPax_23@reddit
😆
Happy_Confection90@reddit
Sometimes. It has been 100% one-way conversations since they died, though.
DPax_23@reddit
Nope. Last time I talked to my dad was my 18th birthday. So 1989. He died in 2018 I think.
Last time I talked to my mom was... somewhere around 2015 I'd guess but I had minimal interactions with her my entire adult life.
They were pretty awful people. Just not good humansz plus a collection of substance addictions and mental illness on top of their shit personalities.
Suspicious-Yogurt480@reddit
Have not spoken to father in 9 years other than one or two barbs sent through another relative indirectly. Mother I speak to maybe twice a year and it’s fairly superficial. It seems later in life she became aware or sufficiently self-aware to even ask me if I knew overall how poorly they had done as parents in my early years, they were 19 and 21 when I was born, even though she and my father are no longer married and haven’t been for 35 years. I’m not actually recalling her exact wording, but that was the gist that I got.
aasyam65@reddit
My are deceased
tinyoop@reddit
My mom passed in 2008. Up til then we spoke maybe once or twice a year. She said it was like we were divorced. I sometimes wish she were here just to tell her how much I can't stand her. And I never got the opportunity when she was alive. I saw a meme once that said 'Be nice to your kids they choose your nursing home' and I can't stress that enough.
PahzTakesPhotos@reddit
I can't. The Ouija board is a thing that was created by a board game company and doesn't really work.
I did ask the Magic 8 Ball if they were trying to contact me, but the results were hazy and I keep forgetting to check back later.
(but seriously, I had a decent relationship with both of them. They passed away two years apart, Mom in 2011, Dad in 2013).
lookylu@reddit
Yes. My mom passed, but we used to talk every week. I talk to my dad frequently. We live near each other and we try to have dinner together every 1-2 weeks.
rangeo@reddit
Last night stopped by ...we were talking senior resident living
Objective-Lab5179@reddit
My father passed last year and in the case of my mother, the lights are on but nobody's home.
BoisterousBanquet@reddit
I cut my dad off when I was 16. He died when I was 37 and I refused his call from his deathbed. My mom and I are close though, we talk all the time.
moccasinsfan@reddit
My dad is an asshole so I haven't spoken to him in over 2 years despite the fact that he and my mom are still together and I see him anytime I go over to their home.
p-graphic79@reddit
Wish I could.
Zantheus@reddit
I hated my dad and i had to work with him almost everyday. Now that he's dead i miss him so much...
onedollarcereal@reddit
I understand this. I realized my dad really did the best he could.
MrsNuggs@reddit
I would happily talk to my mother every day, but my father is a fucking asshole. Pretty much down to birthdays and holidays with him.
jeffnorris@reddit
Nope both have passed away
steven-john@reddit
My mom is at the tail end of the silent gen. And my dad was at the beginning of the boomer end. My dad passed. I didnt have a very close relationship with him, but he was a really good provider. In the end, I felt like a huge disappointment and still do. I could’ve handled the passing better (he had cancer and we decided in the end that he would just end his days at home, but it didn’t last much longer after he was discharged, and pretty much had to bring him back and he passed in the hospital).
My mom is also very loving. Again i never had the best relationship with my parents. Due to them being conservative asian immigrant Catholics. And me being a closeted gay man for so long. As a result of an incident when i was a freshman in college. They found some questionable material and threatened to throw me out of the house. So i feigned innocent and remained closeted pretty much through adulthood.
I never officially came out to my dad, but he knew in the end. My sister told me. My mom had been pretty much in denial. It wasnt until a family therapy session that my sister pretty much outed me accidentally. My mom is a lot better now and recognizes and respects my husband. Which she always has, as he was just my “best friend” that i pretty much spent all my time with lol.
I actually live with my mom and sister, along with extended family. We have a mostly positive relationship. But it’s complicated. I love my mom but at times it can be frustrating. Still she’s a good person and has grown so much and is more understanding and acceptable of lgbtq people. She’s still learning, but she’s trying and that means a lot.
EveLQueeen@reddit
My mother has embraced hateful politics and is constitutionally incapable of having a real conversation about meaningful topics. So, yeah, extremely minimal communication.
Crafty_Original_7349@reddit
Barely, and as minimally as possible. My mom is a toxic narcissist and everything becomes an argument about how much of a martyr she is.
Tacos_N_Bourbon@reddit
My mother dropped me off at my dad’s after they divorced and then disappeared. She came back years later and we have never really been close. I am almost an afterthought with that side of the family. So while it has not been totally cut, I do have very little interaction with her, a half sister and that side of the family. Our relationship is holding on by a thread.
platypusandpibble@reddit
Both parents are Boomers, with all that implies, just to different degrees.
I have been estranged from my mother for somewhere around 10 years. She’s a horrible, abusive person. No intention to speak to her ever again. In fact, I will dance a little jig when she finally breathes her last.
I do still talk to my dad. We live close-ish and I see him once a week to help out around his house. He’s got major mobility issues.
My sister and I are both childfree, so no pressure for grandparents to have a relationship with grandchildren. Sis and I decided long ago that since mother screwed us up so badly, that the abuse stops with us.
dj_juliamarie@reddit
Nope
Space-Dog-Katherine@reddit
It’s always just been my Mom and I and thankfully we are still close. Her getting older sucks though .. she had 2 heart related surgeries a couple of years ago and now has another major one coming up 🤦🏼♀️. Oy yoy yoy. It’s a lot. But I’m grateful to have her
Nearby_Impact_8911@reddit
Yes
Katiecake80@reddit
My father passed recently, but we did talk. My stepmother I cut off and my birth mother I cut off when I was 15.
PepperCat1019@reddit
Damn, what did they do??
I have great parents. I talk to them every week.
DreamTheaterGuy@reddit
Mine are both gone, I wish I could.
63crabby@reddit
Me too. I think of both of them every day, it really makes you appreciate the notion that no one is really gone until people stop remembering them.
Old-Somewhere-6084@reddit
I am very grateful for how supportive my parents have been throughout my life, and how welcoming they were towards my wife (who had a very different experience with her own family).
MienaLovesCats@reddit
Yes! My mom is one of my very best friends. I haven't always gotten along with her husband Shawn; who she married when I was 16; but we are in a good place today. They live a 6 hour away then us (husband, daughter 21, son 17). We share very similar views on our Christian faith and our 🇨🇦 politics. That helps our relationships. Unfortunately my dad died on May 8th; we were in a good place; when he died. I keep in touch a bit with my stepmom; she lives (my dad usto) a 16 hr drive away from us.
MrRalphNMN@reddit
To myself out loud since they're both deceased.
Oh-THAT-dude@reddit
Both parents are dead. I still get on fine with my brother and sister, and I have an aunt and cousins I haven’t chatted with in a while.
dailydillydalli@reddit
Mom is 76 and we talk every day sometimes a few times a day. She is not a bad boomer. We are the best of friends.
toodledootootootoo@reddit
Same!! I live on the other side of the continent and know it lights up her entire day when we chat. I send her a text when I’m making my morning coffee at work, and call her for my walk home after I’m done. There are also various texts about the news or whatever throughout the day. She gets a goodnight text when I know she’s tucked in watching Jimmy Kimmel. Is it overbearing and excessive? Probably!! I won’t complain about someone loving me too much though.
fuhnetically@reddit
I do, but it's so complicated.
kobuta99@reddit
Both gone, but we had good relations before they left. Neither very educated, and they always trusted us kids to know we were making the best decisions for them when needed. We used to talk and meet up weekly, since they were close by. As my dad's health failed, it became once every 2-3 weeks, but we definitely made sure to always stay in touch with calls at least weekly.
Cold_War_Radio@reddit
Dad died in 2012, Mom has some serious health issues now and lives with me. I consider myself beyond fortunate to have had great relationships with both of them.
Sandover5252@reddit
Yes. ❤️
NC_RockFan@reddit
Almost daily
Trolkarlen@reddit
My mom passed away several years ago. I used to talk to her weekly before she got sick.
My dad calls me 2x a year: Xmas and my birthday. That's enough. Sometimes I think about visiting him, but he lives far away and acts like he's doing me a favor when I'm there, so I don't bother.
UnicornSlayer5000@reddit
I feel less alone reading these comments. I felt bad at first cutting them off. But then I started realizing how much better I felt. I wish I'd done this years ago.
Jimmasterjam@reddit
Just saw them both yesterday. Enjoying all the time we have left together.
Terrible-Big-Baby888@reddit
Member of the dead dad club here; we had been NC for the 3 yrs prior. I often have to reconcile the gilt I hold for not being so stubborn and more accepting of who he was.. I am committed to keeping a relationship with my mom even tho I have way higher expectations for her than I ever had for him.. but family, so complex.
JollyGiant573@reddit
Everyday, never know when it will be the last day.
ButterflyOld8220@reddit
Yes! I call my mom every morning and talk to her on my way to work. Dad listens in and we will talk occasionally - he isn't much of a talker. I go "home" every Christmas and a couple of other times a year.
Mom and I have a lot in common - books we read, quilting, knitting, movies etc so we always have something to talk about.
They are 78 and 83 and are amazing parents. Dad had a stroke 40 years ago and is still kicking! Mom had a benign brain tumor removed 20 years ago. They are immortal!!
Pink_pineapple_pizza@reddit
I talk to my mom every Sunday (and go visit every couple of months). This morning, we had to pause our conversation for several minutes so that I could count my stitches for an increase row of the top I am currently knitting. 😂
DoomOfChaos@reddit
talk to one or both nearly every day
Optimal-Ad-7074@reddit
one of mine died when I was a teen. I was holding the other one's hand when he died.
went no contact for 20 years. got over the spite and resentment on my side, we started again as we both stood in our skins, after that. not every parent or child is that lucky, but he and I were.
smithe68@reddit
I do regularly, it’s always enjoyable. I do wish they lived closer so I could see and talk to them in person, but I’m retiring in February and plan on visiting a lot more.
Working-Arm-6896@reddit
My parents are both dead. I came close to cutting my mother out of my life, but my stepfather was an angel who tried really hard to mend fences and get my mother to see sense. My mother was a very difficult woman. I no longer speak to my brother, though. It's been ten years. I have no difficulty phasing people out of my life who cause me more grief than joy.
plnnyOfallOFit@reddit
No but they pester me thru talking smack thru rando associates. I mean. They were cruel to me, my siblings & our pets when we were all vulnerable littles.
So y know. F them & good riddance. Ppl get taken in by their victim claiming. They made their choice. We were small & had none
on a SOUL level they MAY be just fine, but I avoid them in their chosen human incarnation
ZweitenMal@reddit
I talk to them every Sunday! And I call my grandpa every couple of weeks.
Sindorella@reddit
Mine died in 199 and 2000 so... no.
New-User9585@reddit
I've been no contact with my dad 10+ years and with my mom since August.
I should have cut my Mom off a long time before then.
Cranks_No_Start@reddit
It’s been over 30 years and I don’t know where they live.
WileyCoyote7@reddit
Barely. It’s at a level of indifference; they feel no need to reach out to me with any regularity, nor I them. I don’t hate them, at this point it’s pity. The “love” that’s left feels like that of an aunt or uncle rather than a mom and dad. Same with my siblings - more like cousins. Feelings…but at an acceptable distance.
Upbeat_Rock3503@reddit
Yes, regularly.
Many_Taro_58@reddit
I talk to my mom but we have a complicated relationship. She is bipolar and I am the only one of her three daughters who speaks to her even though I’m the one she abandoned when I was 14. My dad had to take me in but he and my step mom did not want me there and it sucked. My dad told me I had to move out on my 18th birthday in january of my senior year. I don’t speak to him.
ibringstharuckus@reddit
Yes . Talk to my dad about every week. Mom every other day. If you don't talk to people over politics, you are a child. Just don't talk about politics.
HeadRevolution@reddit
Barely. Lost Mom six years ago. My boomer dad promptly married a woman (younger than me) that he worked with.
It's been super awkward to talk to him.
VH5150OU812@reddit
Adoptive parents and bio father are all long dead. Never got to meet my bio father, though the consensus is that I didn’t miss much. I have met my bio mother a few times. We exchange e-mails a couple of times a month. We’re still in the getting-to-know-you phase.
Dangerous-Choice4154@reddit
My parents are both no longer on this side of the grass. I mended fences with my mother and wiped the slate clean with her about two weeks before she died. My father disowned me in 2017 and other than a couple letters threatening legal action I never heard from him again. Found out he died last year through a Google Search.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
Oh wow. Two weeks before she died. I always wonder if I will get an apology for all the bullshit.
Dangerous-Choice4154@reddit
She had brain and lung cancer - and talking to her that day I had a feeling this was my last chance as her faculties were slipping fast.
I took a deep breath, and slowly said "I forgive you for everything - the slate is clean. I do not want you to worry about us or delay your body breaking down. I love you." She started to cry, said thank you, and reciprocated.
It was one of the hardest things I've done - but it felt like a boulder was lifted off me.
blueblocker2000@reddit
Forgiving someone is as much about you as it is them.
Dangerous-Choice4154@reddit
You might- you might not. They never approved fully of my choices but I'm my own.person. Don't dwell on it - you may have to close the circle on your own in your own way.
craigechoes9501@reddit
I do, yeah. Both are 82 and still loving, great parents. I eat lunch with them weekly. Quite thankful for them.
TheFlannC@reddit
No, they both were gone before I turned 30. Not posting this for sympathy but know that they will be gone someday so enjoy them while they are around
YouMustBeJoking888@reddit
Mine are both dead. They weren't perfect and we had some rocky patches, but in the end we resolved most of it and I also grew up and realized they had their own issues and baggage. They weren't horrible, just not perfect or even great. They were just two people doing the best they could.
Mordaz01@reddit
Like most people we ever meet.
5ygnal@reddit
I hadn't spoken with my dad in about 2 years when he died in June '24, hadn't talked to mom in over a year when she died in Nov '24. He was Silent Gen, she was a boomer. Hadn't spoken more than 3 words ("pass the potatoes" at Thanksgiving one year) to my brother in over a decade before he died in May of '25. He was a late boomer. I feel a little shitty sometimes for not calling them more often, but then I think about the fact that they never called me either, despite the fact that I PAID THEIR PHONE BILL.
formercotsachick@reddit
Dad died in 1999. My mom is 76 and completely awesome. Her biggest issue is that she's constantly setting herself on fire to keep other people warm. Spent 3 months last year providing around the clock hospice care for her oldest sister.
We live far away from her, but we talk/text at least weekly, and visit her once a year. We'll be going there in June for a nice visit.
No-Staff-7107@reddit
Mom is dead and dad f*ed off again after remarrying and it's been radio silence. Oh well
SummerBirdsong@reddit
They're dead.
NovaRunner@reddit
My mom and I talk on the phone several times a week, but we're several hundred miles apart so we don't see each other more than once or twice a year. Nothing bad happened, I just got a good opportunity in another state and moved about 20 years ago. Sometimes I wish we lived closer, but I have my own family and we like it here.
Dad's been gone almost 14 years, and he had dementia for several years before he died, so I haven't talked to him in any real sense for a long time.
ABustedCanOBiscuits@reddit
No. I have also gone the no contact route.
Lance_Goodthrust_@reddit
I didn't agree with a lot of my Dad's politics but we kind of knew where each other stood and just talked about other things more pleasant until he passed. I talk to my mom as much as possible. She has her own ways but I can talk with her about anything.
Roadies2@reddit
Low contact up in here.
Jolly-Guard3741@reddit
We generally speak or text weekly. During Summer I go once a week to help take care of the yard.
saxdiver@reddit
I was NC with my mom for about 3 years before she died. Not really for anything she did to me, but for how she treated, talked to and about my wife. Talk to my dad several times a week, but only get to see him a couple times a year, as he lives out of state
Beginning_Key2167@reddit
Text my dad daily, talk on the phone 2-3 times a week.
My mom does't have a decent cellphone or decent internet. She lives out in the middle of nowhere.
She could but she refuses to spend the money and her boyfriend would apparently live in a cave LOL.
I was hoping he would be more into tech than my mom.
I don't talk to her a much, she sometimes doesn't get our texts.
Intelligent-Art-5000@reddit
Yes. I love my parents.
KatJen76@reddit
My mom died in 2014. I text my dad every night.
jjschoon@reddit
All the time. They are the two best people that I have ever kbown. I call my dad on my way home from work a few time a week. My parents take my 25(m) yr old twins out to dinner almost every Thursday. My wife and I go on vacation with them almost every year. When we retire in 4 yrs, we plan on traveling with them more often.
FnEddieDingle@reddit
Retiring before 30 is impressive
respectandmanners@reddit
Dad’s gone. Didn’t talk for a long time. I talk to mom a few times a year. I hold the position that they did the best that they could, and I also know that I need to maintain a healthy distance. I’ve become much less judgmental as I’ve aged, and I also respect myself and my own boundaries, too
Quirky_Might_8780@reddit
Nope. She’s mentally ill and will not accept help/treatment and constantly self-sabotages. I went no contact years ago.
For a while I missed having that older, wise woman to talk to. Then I became the wise woman.
banedarthou812@reddit
Mom died in 2014. We were not in a good place. She was diagnosed bi-polar and was the most manipulative person I ever met. I moved out at 18 and never looked back. Once she realized she lost control, we barely spoke.
My dad is still alive. My folks split when I was three. He got in trouble a ton for child support and drugs in the 80’s. Even in his 70’s, still not grown up. I talk to him maybe 3-4 times a year.
I’m not one of these anti boomer types but times sure have changed. I walked him in elementary school, did “homework” and had to disappear until dinner. I spent all summer (months) at my grandparents house growing up. Boomers did not live for their kids like parents do today. Very interesting discussion.
Justasadgrandma@reddit
I wish they were still alive to talk to. My daughter still talks to me almost daily. My granddaughter, too. She loves to video chat.
lobaybliss@reddit
Lost both too young but their pictures are right here on the desk by me. I talk to them everyday ❤️
I-used2B-a-Valkyrie@reddit
No to my birth father, yes to my mom and dad (stepdad but he’s the one who stuck around to raise all the kids.)
librocubicuralist@reddit
No.
Fatenoir@reddit
'divorced' myself from father 20yrs ago, he's dead now. Mom, absolutely, she's a gem.
eclectic-up-north@reddit
I am at my mom's now for a couple of weeks. She is 92. She is still cognitively all there most of the time, but she needs help.
DominicPalladino@reddit
I live with mine. They are Silent Generation. Great people. My brothers are boomers. Also great people .I know lots of great boomers. Sorry for your crappy parents. I know I'm very, very, lucky.
OkDevelopment5179@reddit
Dads dead and I am no contact with my mom. Best decision ever!
JillyB3@reddit
Lost both of mine and my step parents. Would give anything to talk to the four of them again.
Pillsy74@reddit
Was just texting my mom. Going over to see them in a few hours.
UserQuestions20@reddit
Haven't talked to Mom in about 13 years and dad sporadically a few times a year. Turned out pretty disappointing and no grandparents for my child!
PrymTym66@reddit
We're having issues with ours, for sure. It sucks
dstarpro@reddit
Yes, I did. I miss them.
wefoundwonderland11@reddit
Yes and for the last \~18 months, I call my mom every day.
antisocialoctopus@reddit
I do, pretty often. I see my mother weekly and my father monthly. They did a lot of messed up things to my brother and I, when we were young but the thing is: that’s how people were raising kids back then. Everyone got spanked or had their mouth slapped and all the kids were fending for themselves. I only knew one or two kids who weren’t being raised that way and their parents solved a lot of problems with money.
I don’t expect them to apologize for things that they didn’t know. I have a kid of my own and have done a better job raising him but every parent screws up and can do better. I can do better bc I have information they didn’t have
siamesecat1935@reddit
Yes. Just my mom but we are very close
Sad-Ad-571@reddit
Nope. Went NC a few years ago. They are absolutely toxic people.
jk_pens@reddit
Can’t talk to dad, he died 13 years ago. Mom is mid 80s and I talk to her every week or two.
MamaPajamaMama@reddit
Yes. They drive me crazy most of the time but I have no reason to not talk to them.
Public_Excitement393@reddit
Well, they are dead, but I still talk to them. They just can't talk back...
NedRyerson92@reddit
Same.
rosesforthemonsters@reddit
I went NC with my mother in 2003. She likes to play the victim. I'm sure she's told anyone who would listen that she has no idea why I don't speak to her.
I handled my father's finances from 2006 until he died in 2021, but had extremely limited direct contact with him.
They were both garbage human beings.
blooobolt@reddit
Yes, I see them multiple times a week and do all their honey-dos. I want them around for as long as possible. I've never cut them off nor had any reason to.
thisisstupid-@reddit
I haven’t seen my father in almost 20 years. We used to talk on the phone but when My boys stopped playing sports my dad stopped having anything to talk about. We still text on special occasions but have an actually spoken in at least 10 years.
My mom and I talk on the phone about once a month, we see each other every few years.
servetarider@reddit
Lost Mom in 2017 and Dad in 2018. They always put me and my sister first and we never doubted that we were loved. They both live on in my heart and I talk to them every day. I realize how lucky I am.
Such-Kaleidoscope147@reddit
My parents are dead. They did a lot wrong, but I still miss them.
paleotectonics@reddit
I adore my parents, but even with that there are topics we consciously and subconsciously avoid.
SirIll1219@reddit
Yes, but I don't allow them to candy coat the past, and I've cut off my aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
So you understand.
SirIll1219@reddit
Yes.
RKNieen@reddit
Nope. I know they’re not dead because my sister hasn’t called me trying to get me to pay for a funeral.
DriveIn73@reddit
The truth is I don’t enjoy talking to either of my parents. My mom spent the last year living with me and now she’s out in her own house and she calls and wants me to do things for her and I just don’t pick up. It was a rough year — she had a hip replacement that she recovered from in about a week (never used a walker) and I had to hear about it for months.
My dad seems to not enjoy company much anymore. He didn’t even pick up when I called him on his birthday. I don’t know what to do.
karma_the_sequel@reddit
Both my parents are dead.
My dad was an asshole. He died 40 years ago - I don't miss him.
My mom was awesome. She died 10 years ago - I miss her every day.
ave427@reddit
I did up until they passed away over ten years ago. Mom had Parkinson's, so it was difficult the last few years. There was a point she didn't know who I was. My relationship with my dad was very strained, but I'm glad I made the effort when I did.
Zealousideal_Way_788@reddit
Must have done something really bad to go No Contact and cut off them off from grandkids. Were they causing harm to the grandkids? Abusive?
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
They were causing harm to me and my daughter( who is grown) has decided not to have a relationship with them. My mom is a narcissist so bad and my dad is just weak. So yes they were cut off for a reason.
vwaldoguy@reddit
My dad died when I was 18 and my mom died when I was 30. I would give anything to be able to talk to them again.
Physical_Ad5135@reddit
Yes, I speak to my mom several times a week and am now driving over to visit more often, as they age.
WhiteExtraSharp@reddit
Nope. Not for some years. Don’t see my in-laws either. I felt bad at first that my kids don’t have nice grandparents but, hey, they get nice parents instead.
CanaryStunning1768@reddit
I do. Spend as much time as I can.
giantstrider@reddit
mine both passed a couple of years ago. I did talk to them once a week.
call your parents
ttkciar@reddit
Yeah, I talk to my dad every Saturday. My mom's harder to get a hold of, though. I pretty much have to email her to call me and then wait (possibly days) for her call.
TheFightens@reddit
That sounds awful. I talk to my parents more than ever now.
Swiftiefromhell@reddit (OP)
It’s not awful. Some families don’t get along.
-zAhn@reddit
Yes. As often as I can.
ElderberryMaster4694@reddit
I do. Actually lost my relationship with them in my early adulthood but I’m very grateful to have them back in my life
FormerCollegeDJ@reddit
Nope. Then again, they’ve both found a permanent, final resting place underground.
Reality25bites@reddit
I wish I could. 😔