How long did it take you to feel normal again after moving abroad?
Posted by expatsi@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 87 comments
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.
People always talk about the big stuff when moving abroad, visas, jobs, cost of living but not so much about the adjustment phase after you arrive.
For those who’ve actually done it, how long did it take before things started to feel normal again?
Not just surviving, but actually feeling settled. Like you understand how things work, have a routine, maybe even a few people around you.
And was there anything specific that helped speed that up? Or is it just a time thing for most people?
sahelu@reddit
2 years
_x_oOo_x_@reddit
More than 20 years because i still don't feel normal
Competitive_Yam2314@reddit
US to UK. Moved about a month ago officially. I had made a lot of visits over the years to see friends and a partner. I think between my people and moving my 3 cats over it made the transition a lot easier. My husband has been a rockstar.
I enjoy the quality of life here so much more than the stages — even without a car for now. The lifestyle is incredible. I’ve felt at home here long before we applied for my visa.
I think for the first week I was anxious but I’m volunteering, working in the community, going out with friends, exploring —
It was also important to me while we were location scouting to live near a high street with community.
immigrantstoryteller@reddit
I would not call it normal, but I think it changes from place to place. It took me months if not years in some countries and cultures, a bit less in others.
And given some interviews I have done recently for my YT channel on immigrants and our experiences, I would even say that in some cases my guess is some folks in some places, no matter how much time passed, they'd never truly feel normal or settled in it.
Last thought, I also think it plays a big role if you go to a place on your own, you have family or friends there, or even if you emigrate by yourself vs going (like I did) with a partners and kids.
That helps make places feel like home, cause the nucleus of who you are stays the same and you feel part of it daily. At least in some cases, mine included.
CleverCrow_1919@reddit
I tried not to depend on google maps when I was driving as much as possible early on, and in a way it helped me learn the neighborhoods in my city better. I now know where things are and feel pretty confident getting around. Social life is a whole other story…..I have never been or felt so completely alone in my life. I hope it’s just part of the transition, but I often feel like a ghost moving through an alternate dimension, with no real connections or purpose.
Altruistic_Level_527@reddit
3 months to have a routine and familiar spots
rremde@reddit
US->UK->Spain->US. We both have moved a lot, so neither one of us are particularly anchored to a place. We never felt like 'locals', but we did feel like we belonged. I think the key is to making a few friends to get out and do things with. The irony was that for us, getting settled was much faster in Spain than in the UK, despite the language difference. Spain was about 6 months, the UK well over a year. IMO, the British are much more guarded, and there's a stronger sense of distance, as well as an undercurrent of rivalry that never really goes away.
The funny thing is that we had that same sense of displacement returning to the USA - our reasons for returning were complex, and mostly family related rather than homesickness. We've been back 20 years, and still feel enough of an 'otherness' that we're working on returning to Europe, this time to Italy in the next 18 months or so.
Original_Account_908@reddit
Here’s my feedback based on my own experience: you may function pretty quickly, but feeling “normal” again usually takes much longer.
In my case, the practical side came first. You learn the streets, the shops, the routines, how things work. But the deeper part, actually feeling settled, at home, and emotionally grounded, took much more time. And honestly, a part of you never feels exactly the same again, because when you move abroad, you leave part of your soul in every place you live.
What helped me most was not the country itself, but the people around me. A place starts to feel normal when you build small habits, find your spots, and have a few real human connections. That matters more than almost anything else.
So for me, it was partly time, but not only time. Routine helps, familiarity helps, but relationships are what really make a place start to feel at "home" not normal...
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah this hits. i had a similar thing where life worked pretty fast, but actually feeling settled took way longer. it’s weird how you can function fine but still feel slightly “off” for months.
the part about people makes a lot of sense too. once you find even 1–2 solid connections, everything starts to feel a bit more normal.
out of curiosity, how long did it take you before it clicked a bit more?
Original_Account_908@reddit
took me few back and forth to Madrid to realise it was now "Home" ; not a matter of time but rather number of experience in my opinion. Try to look expat groups to meet IRL people, it might help as well to gather other feedback and get more opinions
Lost_Boat8275@reddit
Italy to UK. 13 years. Still waiting to feel settled. I think most people will tell you that you’ll never feel like you fully belong. At the same time, the longer you stay in your new country, the more you’ll feel that you don’t belong to your own country either.
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah this is exactly it. you kind of end up in this in-between space where neither place feels 100% yours anymore 😅
i’ve heard people say you don’t really “lose” home, it just becomes more than one place… even if it feels confusing sometimes.
does it get easier for you over time or just something you’ve learned to live with?
Lost_Boat8275@reddit
Yes, both countries become home, that is true. It does get easier after the first few years. But obviously it can be hard to live away from your family, so there’s often some remaining doubt and some “what if” moment. Having lived most of my adult life in the UK though I don’t really see myself going back.
anewleaf1234@reddit
Yep.
My home country feel more foreign to be than other countries I've lived in
ready_gi@reddit
Czech to Canada.. it's been 11 years and to be honest i like the anglophone countries less and less, living feels like a performance. I miss European travels, culture and just chill. I think I've learned what i needed and now looking to move back in 2 years.
Curious_Owl_342@reddit
2-3 years. From LA to Italy- I hated the lack of cuisine, I was so sick of pasta and pizza and missed my Mexican food. The weather was super depressing, as I was used to full sun ☀️. And the language barrier was crippling; I was no longer the funny, witty, talkative woman my husband fell in love with.
Once the language improved, I often explain it like this; It was like the movie the Wizard of Oz that starts in black and white and suddenly everything turns to color. That’s what it was like once I could communicate, exactly as I wanted to.
Now I love all 4 seasons, make my own Mexican food, and love the smallness of Italy. When I go back to the US to visit family, I have so many gripes. 🤷🏻♀️
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah that’s kind of the part people don’t really talk about. it’s not even full-on homesickness, more like this background feeling that pops up randomly.
i’ve heard a lot of people say it never fully goes away, just gets quieter over time. you kind of end up feeling a bit split between places.
do you feel it more at certain times, like holidays or just randomly out of nowhere?
Curious_Owl_342@reddit
I feel it only when I think I am missing out on something, like products I want being available only in the states. All of my needs are met and this is my forever home. I do miss my friends and family, but visiting every 2 years refuels me.
I will always miss the cuisine in LA, in particular Mexican food, as I am Mexican/American.
CountrysidePlease@reddit
2 years. We moved from Portugal to Spain though, so cultural differences are softer. Even the language or food, people… there are certainly more differences that I thought there was when I was living in my home country, but still a softer change than coming from the US to Europe for example. But it was a series of personal aspects with the kids we have and the house we bought, that made it feel that after two years my life finally settled into normalcy and proper routine.
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah that makes sense. even a “similar” move still has way more little differences than you expect at first.
sounds like it wasn’t just time, but actually putting roots down that made it click. kids, house, routines… that stuff probably speeds things up a lot.
HVP2019@reddit
People talk about this all the time: how difficult immigration can be emotionally, socially.
How stressful and depressing day to day life can be for some: switching to different language, adopting foreign cultural norms, being away from families people and environment, feeling accepted and settled.
Even people who never migrated themselves ask future immigrants: “are you sure you want to move? don’t you miss your family and your home? Learning language is very hard. You will have no one there…, “
So I disagree that this isn’t talked about, people just don’t want to listen.
I have been living in my host country for 25 years. It feels normal to be who I am ( an immigrant). It feels normal to be in my host country. My country of origin feels far away ( in distance and time). It is impossible to say at what point of time I started to feel settled but it happened long time ago.
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah that’s fair tbh. i think people do hear it, but it’s different when you actually live through it day to day.
interesting what you said about it just becoming your “normal” over time. not a clear moment, more like it slowly fades into the background.
do you still ever get those random moments of feeling out of place or is it pretty much gone now?
treyymuney@reddit
10 years yet it doesn’t feel the same, you just can’t relate with normal people anymore
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah that part hits. it’s like your frame of reference just shifts and suddenly “normal” conversations feel a bit off 😅
not in a bad way, just… different. you see things from a wider lens and it’s hard to unsee that.
newbie_trader99@reddit
It took me a good 15 years and even now, every now and then I get this weird feeling of not belonging even through I have a whole life here. I assign it to homesickness.
expatsi@reddit (OP)
yeah that’s kind of the part people don’t really talk about. it’s not even full-on homesickness, more like this background feeling that pops up randomly.
i’ve heard a lot of people say it never fully goes away, just gets quieter over time. you kind of end up feeling a bit split between places.
do you feel it more at certain times, like holidays or just randomly out of nowhere?
Original_Account_908@reddit
100% agree, same here
ellytic@reddit
Adjusting to life abroad can definitely be a rollercoaster! For many expats, including those in Greece, the timeline to feeling "normal" varies widely, but here are some common experiences and tips that might help:
Ultimately, patience is key. Allow yourself the time to adjust, and don't hesitate to seek help when needed.
Full disclosure: I work at Ellytic (ellytic.com) which helps with AFM registration and other bureaucratic processes in Greece. Happy to answer any questions!
BigAdventurous8806@reddit
6 months in, South Africa -> Netherlands.
Started feeling pretty out of place a few weeks ago. First few months was me running around trying to solve admin (both ZA side and NL side) so that kept me busy as well as as having to get use to my new job. But as things started to get sorted and I had time to sit and breath... just kinda started feeling out of place.
Lot of factors likely. Still learning the language, still don't know all the rules yet, came over alone etc.
Managed to get the basic routine down (still not perfect though) pretty quickly. But yeah that's just the surviving part. The social stuff is a lot more difficult, very different social dynamics. Lot of other ZAers seem to experience the same thing. The Dutch are (relative to South Africans) very pleasant but also emotionally walled off. At least there's plenty of ZAers where I work, so not completely socially isolated.
But in the end it's still a massive improvement in the day to day life: the wheels of the bureaucracy turn slow... but at least they turn... I can go for a walk at night... and as far as I know (don't really follow politics) no one's calling for my genocide. So all good!
So I'd say the survival part doesn't take too long (depending on how much nonsense you still have back home to sort out)... the settle in part... well I think it's not a "comes with time" thing, what it comes down to is: what is your definition of settled. Mine seems to be a bit trickier since it has a social dimension which I'm struggling with. So it could be a few more months or it could be never.
Mazethi@reddit
In South Africa, who is/was calling for your genocide?
BigAdventurous8806@reddit
Julius Malema. He occupies that interesting position where he's a stupid clown person... but also the leader of the third largest party in South Africa.
Luckily most of the votes go to the ANC (the ruling party since the end of Apartheid), but as the ANC keeps being very bad at running a country and things get worse a political figure who promises to solve all the problems starts to slowly gain popularity... the problem of course is that his solutions are communism and killing white people.
I mean I don't think large scale genocide is going to happen (most likely not). But on the other hand, not a good feeling when he calls for ban ethnic group directly and literally to be killed (no needing to read between the lines) and then the next day I go to the store and I hear the people behind the till talking about how much they like that fella and his politics. True story btw. One of the many reasons I just didn't want to put up with the nonsense anymore and would rather live with the small frustrations of the Netherlands. And most of those small frustations I can deal with and correct like someone criticising me for not keeping to the right on the escalator, or posting a public message with my name on it for the entire building to see because I used the wrong bin... Still an improvement over South Africa.
pequisbaldo@reddit
Bold of you to assume I ever felt normal
Turbulent_Field_834@reddit
About 1,5 years. After 7 years I have lots of friends, connections in case I need help in some cases. And I consider this my home and don’t want to leave anywhere else. I am friends with locals and following the lifestyle here. But if your lifestyle needs something else and for example it’s harder for you to build new relations with people this might be more difficult.
u_scout@reddit
I think it takes at least 6-12 months to get comfortable in a new place, establish a routine, and live a more comfortable life.
A lot depends on whether you're single or with a partner. And of course, you need to understand why you're doing this))
Then it's easier to cope with new challenges.
lameculos25@reddit
It takes about 1.5 to 2 years. Reason is you lose your routine. It takes time to get a new one.
anewleaf1234@reddit
A few months but dealing with new things was part of that normal.
winery_bound_expat@reddit
haven't made the move yet (planning for Italy) but this thread is gold. the one thing that keeps coming up everywhere is language. you can sort the visa and the apartment but if you can't actually talk to people you're just floating. started doing italki sessions a few months ago and even going from zero to stumbling through ordering coffee made visiting feel completely different. that wizard of oz comment really hits, that's what i'm most nervous about honestly. not the logistics but spending 2-3 years as a less funny version of myself lol
starzzz2000@reddit
yep. My husband's grief for his country (Lebanon) makes me wonder what mine (Irish) went through in 1815 when they arrived in Lower Canada...
Playful_Assignment98@reddit
Never
expatsi@reddit (OP)
😂😂
atMamont@reddit
and this was not an exaggeration
MudlarkJack@reddit
and its not necessarily a bad thing. I consider it a good thing. I embrace the non normal
atMamont@reddit
Yeah this could be a great conversation over some beers actually
lluluna@reddit
It's only fun the first eh...12 times. Then it's just exhausting when you have to explain your existence/who you are over and over.
I guess this is an age/stage of life issue. When you are young, it sounds super cool and exciting to be different. Enjoy it while it lasts.
IvoTailefer@reddit
💯💯💯
lluluna@reddit
The reply is spot-on, never.
To OP. Though it depends on where you move to and your definition of "normal", unless you moved from the US to Canada or something like that, you'd always feel that sense of being a foreigner, being different, and "not normal".
Ambitious_Fondant_27@reddit
This is a critical question. You are changing everything when you move to a new country, and it can take a long time to really feel settled, to make friends, to find your place, and feel OK. i am going through the same thing now in Mexico in a small town in the mountains. It has a small expat community and not a very active one, as many of them have been retired for 15 or 20 years, so they don't go out very much. It is taking me a while to meet people with who I feel compatible, and to create some kind of social life, and to learn to speak Spanish better. Be patient, it takes time. Facebook groups for expats have provided a lot of good advice.
Gentlemad@reddit
Few weeks maybe. But my boyfriend and elder brother were already living here so I am advantaged. RU->NL
lol-across-the-pond@reddit
I’m surprised no one mentioned this but having a child forces you to be more grounded in the place you live in, even though you are not fully fluent in the language or culturally totally integrated. It forces you to build routines, see locals regularly, and understand the culture better
whatsinaname246@reddit
2 years
Gold-Vanilla6951@reddit
Ive found everything and settled well, except for having ‘people’ around me. So id call it a win
Better_Chicken_5184@reddit
Bold of you to assume I felt normal before.
silverduxx@reddit
7 months but can start early if war didnt happen
missjoy91@reddit
6 months I had a routine and felt mostly normal. But I’m sure I will always have moments of remembering I’m an outsider. I will always have small things I miss, or interactions that are confusing.
efficientchef@reddit
US to Spain, I´m three years in and it now feels normal. Not like my old home, but a new home where I belong. I´m finally sufficiently fluent (B2) that I can participate, at least peripherally, in a lot of conversations. I´m not constantly surprised by new rules / holidays / ways of adulting that I had never encountered. It´s still hard work sometimes, but I have friends and some roots, and I can see how I could stay here long term if I want.
Waste-Pirate-9268@reddit
I moved back home after I lived abroad for 12 years and after a year in my country I still feel like an alien
Broad-Lobster7470@reddit
Probably took about 2 years. Moving to Dubai. Abruptly ended by this stupid war sadly. Feel likes my family was not able to close the chapter properly.
windsor1337@reddit
Two years for us in Portugal. Kids were fluent by then. Have better friends here than we ever did at home, granted most of them are also immigrants.
Subject-Mine-4203@reddit
I've been living abroad for about a decade, I've been in 3 countries + moved across my own country for a short period of time.
I'd depends.
In some country, super fast. I have a special place that feels more like home than home. In others place, never (which led me to leave).
It's easier if you accept that life keeps changing, and that you keep changing. If you try to be the old you with your old routine, anyplace is going to give you a hard time imo
mountain-mahogany@reddit
I didn't feel normal back where I came from...so...uh. I guess that's normal? I think I may feel more normal now that I live among expats that "aren't normal."
A_M_E_X_P_L_A_T@reddit
I moved from Europe to the US when I was 19. I think I felt settled pretty quickly, maybe about 2 months of having a routine?
The most jarring thing is starting to miss home after 6-8 years. Missing silly little things about the place you used to live in.
lovepeacefakepiano@reddit
About a year to feel somewhat comfy, but I need to add to that, my last two moves were to English speaking countries after I had already gotten fluent so the language barrier was no longer there. Plus I already had friends in the UK when I moved, and a job both times.
Ireland took about 2-3 years since it took longer to adjust to expat life in general and to really master the language, and overall I lived there for about ten. But now Ireland generally and Dublin specifically has hooks in my heart and even though I moved as an adult, when I’m homesick I’m not thinking of Germany, I’m thinking of Dublin. I try to visit every two years at least (for a while it was twice a year but I’m too far away now). I feel wholly and entirely at home there.
maestroenglish@reddit
4 years
hater4life22@reddit
About 8 months
Fit_Evidence_4958@reddit
Around 1.5-2y. Europe to Brazil
I mean, I will never be a local, but that’s not the goal. It’s more about accepting how things work.
I used to bring a lot of daily things from home at the beginning. This reduced to almost zero. I stopped calculating in my home currency, etc.
Keats852@reddit
Takes a couple of years (like 4-5), but it never becomes fully normal.
Pinknailzz69@reddit
Never. I feel secure, comfortable, happy but I never feel like I did in Canada. However that’s what I prefer. I like a little edge, chaos, uncertainty, confusion etc. It stimulates me mentally and challenges my problem solving skills. I have travelled and lived abroad intermittently since I was 6 months old. So maybe that is my normal.
contented0@reddit
It always takes me a out six months.
I always hate everywhere at first then love it later
Unable_Tumbleweed364@reddit
4-5 years to not hate it and want to go home. Happened after we applied for the 10k partner visa for my husband to move to my country.
Chinacat_Sunflower72@reddit
Im American here in the States. I asked my neighbor this same question. They came from Poland in the 1950’s. They told me it’s only normal for the next generation, their kids born here but for them, even after all this time, it’s not normal. And on the outside they appear completely integrated. I was surprised at their answer.
elevenblade@reddit
I’d say it took about six months but I already spoke Swedish and had visited many many times before.
Oatroot@reddit
I moved 2 years ago and I am finally starting to really feel like I am thriving now.
expatsi@reddit (OP)
2 years not too bad!!
Pretend_Survey_1236@reddit
I think there I not right answer because I depends on person itself and country some countries people are so open and that's make you feel more welcome and some are not by nature
local_weather@reddit
I moved from DFW to the Netherlands 10 years ago. For a long time every weekend was a mini European vacation but eventually we had people and places that became a regular part of our lives and that’s when it became normal. I would say 3-5 years and now this is home and I don’t think about it any other way.
tenniseram@reddit
It’s a new normal. In some ways it was instant, in other ways, 12 years later, it’s still evolving. I immediately knew I was in the safest place I ever lived. I also immediately embraced a work life that was not drowning me.
Language and culture have bursts of knowing and familiarity and understanding.
I think I knew within a couple of years that I’d never return “home” to live. This is my new home and I love it. When I get on the plane to head home after visiting my family I am so relieved and happy to be heading back to the place I chose. Hearing the language literally makes me smile.
I know a lot of ppl who are constantly looking back, homeward, and for that reason never quite settle. You really have to choose to make that shift to home is where I am, and that means learning the language, meeting ppl, making connections, putting down roots.
Catcher_Thelonious@reddit
Yes, people discuss this quite frequently.
https://www.google.com/search?q=How+long+did+it+take+you+to+feel+normal+again+after+moving+abroad?+site:www.reddit.com
limpleaf@reddit
About 4 years. Mostly because the language barrier started coming down and that’s how long it took me to find friends and new hobbies. PT > DE
Curious_Owl_342@reddit
The language barrier is isolating and once you get that part down, the world opens up in ways you never thought possible.
freshstartsticks@reddit
We’re still figuring it out to be honest.
There’s definitely a period of doubt and a kind of “reality check” that hits after the excitement wears off—especially as a family. It’s not just the move, it’s everything around it: routines, schooling, language, daily life, and constantly reassessing if you’ve made the right call.
I wouldn’t say we feel “normal” yet, whatever that even means in this context.
But at the same time, going back to the UK isn’t really something we see as an option either. Despite the uncertainty here, there are still reasons that make staying feel like the better choice overall for us.
So we’re kind of in that middle stage—still adjusting, still questioning, but continuing forward.
Jolly_Conflict@reddit
I always say that I felt at home once I moved permanently because I did have an existing support system but I didn’t feel as much of a burden anymore once I got my driving license because then I could come and go as I please.
bruhbelacc@reddit
The 2-3 year mark was when that feeling came. In the first year, everything was about making comparisons and being surprised by small differences, and my language skills were still not good enough for all situations. After that, I started a job where I only speak that language and work with locals. This brought cultural differences to light but within a year, I felt normal there, too.
If it wasn't for the language and making a point to follow local media instead of that from my native country, I bet this feeling wouldn't have come. At this point, I'm irrelevant to what's happening there, while I was still interested in the first year or so.
MechtildvM@reddit
never.
BodyBy711@reddit
I'm 2 months in and it hasn't happened yet.
Original_Account_908@reddit
I have been living abroad for the last 20 years... xD
expatsi@reddit (OP)
Lol
David_R_Martin_II@reddit
US to Spain. 6.5 months. That's how long it took me to get stable living arrangements and all my in-country paperwork settled. It would have been sooner (4 months), but I had to break my first lease after figuring out my landlord lied about me being able to get my necessary legal paperwork at that address.
My situation may be different given that I'm used to moving around and "starting over." Between college, army, and career opportunities, I had done it at least 9 times before. I'm a bit of a wanderer.