What about our stories?
Posted by General_Departure583@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 100 comments
Does anyone else have the weird dynamic of Boomer parents and aunts and uncles still alive that are still not interested in any of the stories of your life? As an example my parents hardly react to any of the stories I have from growing up, but they just have to tell all their stories I have heard a million times. If I died tomorrow they wouldn’t even be able to remember one of my stories.
herseyhawkins33@reddit
Death, taxes and reddit making you feel guilty for having a good relationship with your parents. Especially if they're boomers.
Substantial_Ask_9992@reddit
Yeah my parents rock. Reading all this is a huge bummer
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Realizing you won the lottery and never knew it must be sobering
goofytigre@reddit
Yup. I love my parents and my parents-in-law (all born in the mid-50s). I guess we're some of the few lucky redditers to not have horrible *boomer parents!
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
You, are. ?
But instead of realizing your fortune you mock others for not having what you got by luck..
Guess having great parents doesn't affect the outcome of a great adult as much as priorly thought.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Why do you feel guilty that you had a good relationship and others didn't?
They didn't single you out? You took rhat guilt as your own when no one put it on you.
wiserTyou@reddit
Yeah. My parents do all kinds of stuff then talk about it. After the 40-50 years of working I'm happy they can mostly do what they want.
avalonfaith@reddit
Noooo, don't feel guilty, feel blessed! It sucks that these scenarios are so prevalent. They are not the only. I love hearing good, loving, wholesome, people stories!
ActuallyAlexander@reddit
When the boomers are gone we can make our Forrest Gump while we’re in charge for ten years.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
We are the Prince Charles generation.
Always waiting in the wings for power and only having it for a short period of time.
super_chillito@reddit
Both my parents grew up in households where they were largely ignored and mostly responsible for themselves (and sometimes younger siblings.) Neither of them had a parent who cared enough to ask how their day was or attend any of their school functions… most days they were lucky to get dinner, much less dinner sitting down as a family.
Both my parents talk endlessly about themselves. I used to get so annoyed by this until one day it just clicked in my head that there was a reason behind their self centered behaviors. They just want someone to hear them, to acknowledge their existence and (this is the big one) to be proud of them and offer a positive enforcement.
I’ve found over the years since my realization that the more I make a point to actively listen and engage in whatever they are talking about, the more they come around to asking me about my life. Yeah, we shouldn’t have to parent our parents in this way, not really fair and all. But at the end of the day, we’re all just people wanting to be heard.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
And yet look at you trying to break the cycle that they continued!
Stop_Already@reddit
As a general rule, I’ve found that our parents were mostly only interested in their needs and wants and less interested in parenting. I think it’s because they were largely raised by war vets who were traumatized af and emotionally unavailable or traumatized in their own ways.
Trauma begets trauma.
We are a product of our environment.
We can choose to do things differently or accept the results.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
And what's the best way to handle an abusive relationship if the abuser will not change?
Soggy-Ad1129@reddit
This is such a compassionate and insightful perspective.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
They were known as the "me" generation until they rebranded lol
Dreamfox37@reddit
As a general rule, people are mostly interested in themselves.
General_Departure583@reddit (OP)
Oh yea, but all our lives we heard the boomer tales, but even in old age they are not willing to notice anyone but themselves.
AshDogBucket@reddit
It might be more like they haven't felt like anyone has wanted to listen. Generally when people feel an uncontrollable need to have their story heard, its because they feel like no one has sufficiently heard it yet. Maybe if they had more opportunities to feel truly heard, that need wouldn't be as desperate and they would be more capable of listening to others.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
Unless you can acknowledge that this need is deeply seated in you in the first place, It won't be fulfilled.
So, I guess, what Does the meaning matter if the outcome never changes?
BookNerdUnicorn@reddit
Yep. I think this is an old wound that a lot of our parents carry.
lowercasenameofmine@reddit
And rarely stop the cycle themselves. Our generation is helping to do that though
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
the world catered to the boomers bc they were an enormous generation with lots of money. everything in culture was for them, they saw themselves reflected back everywhere they went, in every movie and tv show. they had their time. they refuse to let it go.
AdelleDeWitt@reddit
So one thing I think we experienced is a generational shift from adult-centered to child-centered families, but because we were the children during the adult centered times and the adults during the child-centered times we went from just listening to our parents talking about themselves to listening to our children talking about themselves.
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
yeah, this is it. We were raised by "me generation" boomers and the next generation down thinks they should be famous on their phones.
Gen X said the same thing at our age. Their parents only cared for themselves and the next generation (us, as children) were being raised by the self-esteem movement that taught "I like me" but not "I care about you."
For the past 100 years, society has been snapping back from the Victorian age, which was one extreme, so naturally the pendulum is swinging back to another extreme.
Specialist-Leek8645@reddit
Cool, one more facet I never thought of but makes sense. Explains why so many people feel like they're parenting their parents as well as their own kids.
I definitely remember the grownups making all decisions and dismissing anything the kids wanted. They knew what was best, after all. Final and non-negotiable. I grew up seeing the scariest family members get catered to and everyone else adapted. I heard stories of Bathtime where a family of 6+ shared the same water in order of age, after Dad then Mom. Stories of The Old Country where there were no toys, only carriages made by hitching a matchbook to a potato bug. I was lucky to have shoes! lol
Then all of a sudden I see kids going to therapy and being asked their preferences and.. wait, what? The parent gets in trouble now for hitting their kids? My grandfather congratulated mom on her (after marriage) pregnancy by making her a leather strap. Luckily I didn't need it much but I was afraid of it. No kids for me! I can't imagine myself ever being able to handle that. I have so much respect for those of you who are doing your best to make life easier for them than we had it.
avalonfaith@reddit
So true.
General_Departure583@reddit (OP)
Yes! This is it. Just like we existed in the analog/digital worlds we also don’t have a place in the hierarchy of being storytellers always listening and never telling.
sanebyday@reddit
Ok_Industry3016@reddit
Sadly true being an empath today sucks ass but does draw others to you so I don't know. Blessing curse.
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
no, that doesn't fly. Not your family. Your family is supposed to care about the stuff in your life.
AdelleDeWitt@reddit
My dad's complaint about the assisted living facility that he lives in is that it's full of old people who only want to talk about themselves and don't want to listen to him. He calls me and tells me this all the time. Then he asks me if I know what it's like to just have old people talk about themselves all the time and I have to pretend like I do not experience that every single time we talk.
JackBlackBowserSlaps@reddit
Lol I wish I had an award to give you. You must have the patience of a saint.
flying_ivy@reddit
I gotchu ;)
RedSolez@reddit
Thank you, this made me LOL for being too relatable.
LuxyontheMoon@reddit
Even parents??? More interested in themselves than their children. Well, that is unacceptable. Describes an entire generation though.
someguyfromsk@reddit
HEY! You've met most of my family.
PickleFlavordPopcorn@reddit
I love my parents both so much but wow they glaze over if I try to tell them about my own life. They will talk at great length and excruciating detail of every minute interaction they have, spinning off into other stories about other people I’ve never met- this can go on for 10-30 minutes and then when I try to talk, I can maybe get 2-3 sentences out before I’m interrupted.
Most of the time I just let it go. But I have developed a serious sensitivity to being interrupted by my husband or friends
EcstaticTraffic7@reddit
I totally relate. My sensitivity is when my husband pretends to be listening to save face or just zones out while I'm talking. He knows and tries but it can still happen. I definitely have a chip on my shoulder for being made to feel invisible or unimportant because my mother talks endlessly about her life and couldn't care less about mine.
bakedveldtland@reddit
Ha. I love my dad but it’s true. I was a zookeeper for 15 years and saw some pretty wild things. When I try to tell the stories, it’s crickets. So I don’t really try anymore and he doesn’t ask. That’s ok though, my cousins love to ask!
RedSolez@reddit
I'd love to see your zookeeping AMA!
draculawater@reddit
Called my dad last week, on my way to the ER where my partner was waiting to be admitted. He talked for 45 minutes and I don’t think I said a word. Finally had to tell him I was parking and needed to go into the ER. No follow up call or text since then to even ask why I was there. Told him a few times about a surgery I had coming up. On the day of my mom messaged him about it and he said I’d never told him. But I’ve heard how every friend of a kid of a guy he works with is doing 5 times over.
RedSolez@reddit
It took my Dad having triple bypass surgery before he acknowledged to my sister his amazement that she'd been through surgery about 20 times prior to that. Like he had zero interest when her surgeries were happening but all of a sudden because he had one he realized she'd been through something significant.
FUCancer_2008@reddit
To be fair my dad has never been interested in kreally knowing me, only how I can make him look like a good father
RedSolez@reddit
That right there!
RedSolez@reddit
That's definitely a defining Boomer characteristic. My parents and my in laws take far less interest in their kids' interests and stories than we do with our own kids. I don't think my Dad could name any of my friends at any stage of my life but I could easily rattle off a list for all of my children's friends. My husband and I talk all the time about how when we were growing up, every family vacation and day trip only happened if it was to a destination that our parents had a personal interest in. I was lucky that my Dad happens to like places like Disney World, so I got to go. But my husband never did until he went with me as an adult even though his parents could afford it and took him to other places that were just as expensive/difficult to get to. But we have taken our kids to countless places that we'd never normally be interested in just because it's something they really wanted to do. We enjoy it because they enjoy it.
Aware_Policy_9174@reddit
I was so shocked when I first visited my ex in laws and they knew what food and beer my ex husband liked and had the fridge stocked and then let us do our own thing most of the time. My dad always has al the time planned out with things he likes when I visit and my mom makes me go grocery shopping when I stay with her. I still struggle to express my needs or dislikes in relationships because I never knew they mattered. They wonder why I never call but all they do is talk about themselves and people I don’t know while asking me nothing or if I try to tell them something barely acknowledging it before going back to whatever they were talking about.
RedSolez@reddit
It's at the point where I only call my mom when I'm driving to work or folding laundry- basically any time I can be accomplishing some other task at the same time because she only wants to talk about her life and people I don't know. I get cursory questions about myself and my kids but it's nothing of substance.
downhereforyoursoul@reddit
Hearing about families like your ex in-laws who know and actually care about their kids’ preferences and needs fills me with a weird kind of awe. I had a beef allergy for like a decade, likely from a tick bite, and my family forgot all the time. I went to so many gatherings where the only things I could eat were like potato salad or cake because everything else had some form of beef. Their lack of interest in my life is depressing.
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
i remember once, we were all watching the news together, and there was a piece about uninvolved fathers. Naturally my dad took it personally and got huffy, and Dan Rather asked a bunch of questions like "what grade is your child in?" and 'What is their shoe size?" Dad yelled out all the wrong answers, with complete confidence.
dewihafta@reddit
This here, right here. My dad has never once been interested in me as a person.
Im sure its a boomer.
CrotalusHorridus@reddit
Even less their grandkids.
dewihafta@reddit
Right? As soon as they get a personality its like hes really not interested anymore.
princesscorncob@reddit
I guess it's nice that my in-laws will at least humor me when I share any anecdotes from my life before I met them. They listen half the time and then bring it back to themselves.
No one on my side of the family is interested in sharing memories and I'm the first born of the kids in my generation. They just want to talk about themselves.
My own kids only want to hear about 9/11 or ask if me and their dad were alive for things like the Titanic.
It seems like we are another iteration of a silent generation.
I'm just relieved that we don't get all the press that blames us for asinine bullshit. I'll just quietly gray and remember that gap between before and the internet.
We really are a silent generation.
RanklesTheOtter@reddit
I assume no one would be interested in hearing about me outside of this sub. 😅
Anytime I mention any story my mom takes it some weird way and is like, "Oh we were just the worst parents weren't we?" And gets angry.
hi984390@reddit
Defensive much? Oy. 🙄 isn’t that part of darvo? deny, attack, etc. I swear the whole generation is on that same crap. Sorry she acts like that, it really sucks.
RanklesTheOtter@reddit
Thanks. 💕 I'll have to look up Darvo.
Yeah I'd say something like, "You guys had to work and I got to become resourceful with all that unsupervised freedom. I'm thankful for that."
Just something normal we'd discuss here.
And she'd react like I said my parents were Satan. 😅
Asleep_Onion@reddit
People have a bias towards thinking "the old days" were better than more modern times. Been that way since forever. As such, they think their stories from the old days are superior and more entertaining than anything that came after that.
I think this happens in every generation, and in every family. My life stories are, across the board, far more interesting than any stories my parents have, but they just don't care. Because newer = less interesting.
My FIL always tells this same story over and over again, about how he rose around in the bed of a pickup truck through a field shooting at rabbits. And the property owner got mad at him. Yeah, kinda funny the first few times I heard it. I guess. But it gets outrageous applause whenever it gets told. Nobody cares about my story about when I won a drinking contest with a tobacco tycoon in New Delhi lol
Miami_Mice2087@reddit
yeah, they have no interest in your life but expect me to want to hear all about the restaurant they went to, what they had for dinner, what their friend said about X, the weather. My mom has no curiosity about my life at all, i'm out of touch with everyone else who's still alive. Honestly i think the dead ones are more interested, at least they show up in dreams to tell me i'm doing ok.
Polar_Version875@reddit
“It’s 2026, do you know where your children are?”
“They are human beings. They need LOVe too!”
Far-Pie-6226@reddit
My parents are usually surprised that I can remember half the things I tell them from childhood. For the most part, they were incredibly stressed out raising me and my brother. I imagine the stories we have are interesting in our own heads but just not interesting to them. They don't blow us off though and will humor us.
MundaneHuckleberry58@reddit
Yeah i relate to this. I’ve felt like my tales are dismissed & steamrolled over.
downhereforyoursoul@reddit
I like to joke that my voice must be pitched slightly outside my dad’s range of hearing because he’ll just interrupt and talk over me about something completely unrelated, like I wasn’t already trying to say something. I’m not sure if I’ve ever gotten all the way through a story, now that I think about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
LuxyontheMoon@reddit
Boomers DO NOT LISTEN. Their experiences are always worse, TO THEM.
realauthormattjanak@reddit
My son is 10, when he was 4 I started recording myself and my thoughts, then sending those recordings to an email address. Just any ideas I have, my story, his story, how I met my wife, current events, anecdotes, everything. When he's 18 I'll give him the information for the email.
More-Soil7455@reddit
This is such a lovely idea!
CMarlowe@reddit
I love my dad, and he is a loving father. He gave me a great childhood and all that. But I don't think he has the vaguest sense of what I do for a living, for example, no matter how often I've told him. He'll occasionally reference things that we did together when I was younger, but not often. If I bring them up, he doesn't seem to remember. And this isn't mental decline. He's plenty smart and he's "all there." But if something doesn't immediately or directly affect him, it doesn't "stick."
More-Soil7455@reddit
This is both my parents. I’m in my late forties and they have never once asked me to just go out to a restaurant for a meal and chat. They ask about my kids occasionally, but show zero interest in what I’ve been up to personally for the past 25 years.
NombreCurioso1337@reddit
Remember, the "baby boomer" generation was originally called "the ME generation" because they were all narcissists. And in proper Boomer fashion they renamed themselves something more flattering and then tried to call their kids the real narcissists. I would expect nothing less from your parents.
Please write your stories down. Your kids will be interested in hearing them
ughyoujag@reddit
Anyone else’s parents dead?
CalmTheAngryVoice@reddit
Dad passed in 2024 after 20 years of disability; mom lives with me now because she can't take care of herself any more. Both basically ignored me when I said they needed to look into assisted living in 2022. Guess my dad got what he wanted in that he died in his own bedroom...
kumf@reddit
Yup. Motorcycle accident in 2020.
SuchMatter1884@reddit
🙋♀️ Yup. Dad passed when I was 30 and mom just passed last November.
ughyoujag@reddit
I had a vaguely similar timeline with my parents. Two years ago with my mom. It took 21 months to settle her estate with the government. And it was a small estate
twistedevil@reddit
Yes, lost mine both when I was still in my teens. I wish I had them longer in my life because they were super cool, supportive, loving people. It was tough to be on my own so young, but with their great foundation I turned out well. However, I'm sort of relieved I don't have to go through all of the difficulties of managing elderly, sick parents who have lost their filters.
ughyoujag@reddit
That’s rough — very, very sorry. I lost my dad in my early 20s and my mom about two years ago when she was 61. I didn’t want it this way for my mom especially, but jeez she had absolutely nothing in place for retirement. Based on her estate, she would’ve been on her own for another year or two tops. I miss her, but dodged a bullet because she had a lot of issues and was very nutty politically, which is a helpful silver lining to deal with the grief
tracyveronika@reddit
Almost, dead mom and very sick dad. 💔
ughyoujag@reddit
Sorry to hear that ❤️🩹
Do what you can to minimize regrets. My best advice.
SlackerDS5@reddit
Sad to hear. My mom loves to hear and share stories. But she is also the type of person who catalogs our family tree and photos so we all remember where we came from. Even the not so great parts of our family history.
Super_Direction498@reddit
It never ceases to amaze me how little interest my father has in the lives of any of his 6 children unless it's something directly related to one of his passions, which are alcohol and professional sports. Beyond that, I don't think he'd notice if he never heard from any of his again.
NoKatyDidnt@reddit
Yeah. My mom is only 64, and she doesn’t remember half of what I talk about.
Frosty_Cloud_2888@reddit
Been there, done that - Boomers
elektrik_noise@reddit
Boomers being self obsessed and uninterested in our lives? Shocking, lol.
My parents would prob have to check my birth certificate to remember how to spell my name.
RedSolez@reddit
I'm 43 and my Dad rarely pronounces my name correctly. It's his Brooklyn accent though that makes him struggle with the "th" sound 😂
Boring_Blood4603@reddit
I just turned 49, my dad is 17 years older than me. He still does not know how to spell my first name.
He does know how to spell my siblings' names. I hate being the oldest. Lol
monkibare@reddit
My mother sent me the same 21st birthday card two years in a row. Same note and everything.
mamalmw@reddit
It’s definitely a Boomer characteristic but I had parents that didn’t share much information so never heard many stories. Neither of them had much interest in my life, let alone my stories, as a kid or adult. I actually bought this game I saw on TT where questions are divided into 3 life categories. My Dad and I played one time while he was visiting and I learned more about him during that one game than in my 47 years of life. He never asked me any of the early life or middle aged questions.
So many of our parents are extremely selfish people and really shouldn’t have been parents.
literanch@reddit
Opposite for me. My parents and I were friends as adults and they were practically amazed at some of the shit me and my siblings got into as kids.
wheres_the_revolt@reddit
Stories are passed down not up.
BillyDMountain@reddit
There was a point where I gave up trying to join in with conversations with my sister and father cause they hardly left any spaces for me to interject. That and being frequently bullied really severely stunted my social development.
soulmindbody@reddit
You perfectly articulated my personal experience
DrewBaron80@reddit
My mom and dad are opposites - my mom can talk about herself and her friends endlessly, and as soon as I try to talk about my experiences she dismisses whatever it is.
My dad and I on the other hand, recently had one of the most fun conversations we've ever had - we basically took turns talking about mischief we got into as teenagers and young adults.
imnottheoneipromise@reddit
My mom is pretty bad about this, but we have just learned to make it funny to us like an inside joke. My parents are fantastic and I adore them both. They do not fall into 99% of the boomer stereotypes, but man does my momma love to tell me her same stories and she will even change the topic just to tell her stories that she has told me about a million times.
My husband and I are both combat vets. Like legit in combat on the battlefield with active combat in play. My mom worked at the pentagon during the Vietnam war. She thinks we are the same lol. When my husband and I will be talking about a war story she will chime in with “well, I wouldn’t know about that because I only worked for a 4 star general… blah blah blah.” And we are just like “and?”
General_Departure583@reddit (OP)
Even when you stories carry way more weight and significance, it still doesn’t match the boomer tale. 😂
Significant_Skill205@reddit
I totally go through this. Thanks for helping me feel not so alone today. ❣️
dominator5k@reddit
I do everything in my power to avoid talking anyone in my family. Also, I grew up in a very nice loving family.
After_Preference_885@reddit
They are so completely and totally disinterested in me that it's shocking sometimes.
I'm so interested in everything my adult kid is doing and thinks, we talk for hours all the time and spend time together every week.
I rarely talk to the elders in my life so the disinterest probably goes hand in hand with the no and low contact we all have with our elders
Deep-Interest9947@reddit
I went home recently and asked my dad to drive by my old middle school (that my siblings also attended) and he literally had no idea where it was even though it’s in walking distance of the home he has lived in since 1990. Clearly he has never paid any attention to my life.
AdelleDeWitt@reddit
Yeah I know a lot more about my dad's childhood than he knows about mine, mostly because he spent my entire childhood either black out drunk or slurringly telling stories about himself.
slippedintherain@reddit
I don’t experience this with my Boomer aunt but 100% do with my older Gen X cousin.