interesting (and for me, painful) question. looking back, speaking for myself, i think it's because i just assumed older people were just old. like, they're not competing for dates or attention and of COURSE i'm not really going to notice them, beyond "oh, look at that cute old man" or "look at that nice old lady." obviously they had neither sex lives or sex DRIVES. obviously it was like, "what is that old woman doing in the club, i hope i'm never like her" (meanwhile, the club regular i'm thinking of was at least ten years younger than i am now, and i still kinda want to go to the clubs and dance). but at the time, it was beyond my comprehension that "old people" would still want to have lives and be seen.

anyway, so they were like our ages NOW. for instance - and this really fucks me up - my mom moved in with me when she was maybe eight or so years older than i am now, but i was young (she had me late) and into my own shit, so i thought she was just totally cool with watching star trek reruns and watching my kid for me, and when she would try to 'horn in' on times i had friends over, it annoyed the piss out of me. like, why is she trying to get in my way? can i sign you up for the senior center or something?

now i'm that age, and no, i do not want to simply watch reruns all day and night and be excluded from my adult kid's life due to being 'old'.

anyway!

all that aside, when you ask, "how did i not recognize it when i was younger," that really strikes a chord with me. not really about aging itself, but for me, i SHOULD'VE recognized it, because of a single experience the night i turned 21:

three of my friends and i were super, super into shooting pool. so the plan for my 21st was to start out (the three of us, plus six or seven others) at a high-end billiards place, then drive into LA to party at our favorite bar.

i will never forget when one of these friends - one of my dearest, with whom i'm still close friends - the one with whom i used to ditch school to go shoot pool with, who happened to by then be rather overweight, went up to the bar to order a drink.

i watched her stand there for ages to get served, but the bartender kept overlooking her and taking orders from people who had just walked up. finally, i went up alongside her and INSTANTLY the bartender came over and asked me what i wanted. "nothing, but my friend here has been waiting for 30 minutes for you to take HER order." he fell all over himself, made the drink quickly, and gave it to her on the house.

she was so embarrassed that she accepted the drink, downed it, and excused herself from the afterparty in LA.

so i've for all the years since recognized the invisibility of the overweight, especially if they're women, but i still didn't anticipate the invisibility of the older people in our society, even as they were invisible to me as well.

it's a real mindfuck, and after writing this, i wish i had a therapist with whom to make an emergency weekend appointment.