The forbidden cinnamon roll I ate

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vgilbert77@reddit

The rabbit part is nasty but tbh other than that I hate it.

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Talk-O-Boy@reddit

you gotta do what you gotta do when you're hungry

I get this, I do. But how are you in a position where snake is more accessible than like… ramen or a hot dog?

Are you stranded in the Gobi Desert?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I get this, I do. But how are you in a position where snake is more accessible than like… ramen or a hot dog?

Look up American food desert. If you have no car and you live rurally this sort of thing happens. If you have a car, live rurally and have no money, this sort of thing still happens.

But also I'd rather any money I do have go to my medication (again, American) or my dog (she's actually Mexican but that's irrelevant).

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I'm white. I think that means I should be pretty good?

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prplcttncndy@reddit

Did you read about the French woman who got detained at 86 after her US husband died? She was white, too (but did not have the US citizenship)

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RiemannSum41@reddit

And they still didn’t get it the second time.

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Substantial_Push_474@reddit

Truly remarkable, though I can't be entirely surprised since this person trapped and ate a snake. Not saying that makes them stupid, just that they're obviously living in a different world than I am.

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NaturesCandy25@reddit

OP has a lot on his mind since eating a snake

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

you're right 🫡 they're gonna come for me

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OP you should try rattlesnake. It’s pretty good and genuinely tastes like chicken (just a little tougher and stringier). I had to kill a couple to protect my dogs and sheep (neither of which were very bright) when I lived in a food desert in the desert, so I ate them because I didn’t want them to have died for nothing.

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BreakfastFluid9419@reddit

I’ve had it on two occasions and can confirm it’s good

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bisexual_pinecone@reddit

I haven't had rattlesnake but my mom has! It was filleted and grilled. I would eat it if someone offered it to me, it sounds perfectly fine.

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cityshepherd@reddit

I fried them up (I ate 3 of them over a 3 year period). I probably overcooked it which is probably why it was so tough. I made a sandwich on a homemade bagel, and it was delicious.

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Ignonymous@reddit

No, they’re gonna come for your perro.

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bradreputation@reddit

Rural poverty definitely hits different.

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Alternative_Mine5343@reddit

especially with how predatory dollar general's getting.

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Courwes@reddit

Having a dog when you can’t afford to buy food is insanity. You can barely feed yourself but willingly take on another life you have to feed, and since you claim no car or money can only imagine how you’re managing that.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I've had this dog since I was 12 🤷🏻‍♀️

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raspberryharbour@reddit

What happened to good old fashioned rural cannibalism? Like in the movies?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I weigh 110lbs. Unfortunately I'd probably be eaten first if I tried.

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TheSultan1@reddit

Nah, you'd be the hunter. As the hunter, you'd be worth more than your weight in... human.

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not_today_mr@reddit

Reading this I believe the American dream is long dead.

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AppUnwrapper1@reddit

No food banks either?

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OriginalGPam@reddit

How do you get to a food bank with no money?

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craaackle@reddit

I've heard of food bank deliveries and travel vouchers (or free bus fare for urban ones). Worth a shot for OP to call and inquire if they haven't already tried it.

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Skinslippy3@reddit

The food banks I've been to are mainly supported by good samaritans. In a city, just by sheer numbers, if 20 people on a block donate 1 can you've got 20 cans for a food bank. Take that same city block outline, there aren't going to be 20 people in the same amount of area. More like 1-5. So even if they did donate one can a piece, your food bank isn't really a bank.

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craaackle@reddit

I work with food banks, I understand the challenges on both ends.

Food banks usually find a way to get connected to national networks for grants and funding. Is it enough? No. But some do receive funding for delivery and transit subsidies specifically.

It's always worth it to call around, food banks don't work in isolation and the food bank workers I know refer to other organizations if possible. Again, not everywhere and every single one.

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tepig37@reddit

Food banks also require people/stores thats are relatively local and can afford to donate food.

If either of those things exist its bc your probably not in a food desert.

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Talk-O-Boy@reddit

Crazy coincidence, the last comment I posted was about food deserts.

Food desert comment

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saifly@reddit

We are living in your simulation

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AttorneyAvailable603@reddit

Maybe barbecue sauce is the way to go..

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jasonloid2011@reddit

Well shit... You could eat the dog

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ItsMrDante@reddit

A snake is free

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YourVeryOwnCat@reddit

gif

Hurm… sounds tasty….

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robmobtrobbob@reddit

What the fuck, man

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Inevitable-Trust-511@reddit

if you actually caught and ate this because you were hungry and needed food then hats off. i like the idea of just solving my immediate needs without any kind of middle man or spending any money

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Yessir that is why I ate it. I can't bring myself back to stealing and I haven't since I was a kid. You gotta do what you gotta do when you don't have any money and you're hungry. I'm a bit older now and I made a promise to God to quit that sort of thing.

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ebelen92@reddit

Hey, man. I pray God pulls you out of this one.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Thank you ❤️

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No-Shopping-4434@reddit

Any way to get on food stamps or ask around churches nearby for food bank options? It never hurts to ask, and no shame in it

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Food stamps are only available three months in two years of not working. I'm not afraid of asking, it's just a matter of getting to places to ask.

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No-Shopping-4434@reddit

Why no job? You seem to be pretty proficient at pest control at least.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

If I could get a job doing pest control or butchering I would, but jobs need you to have reliable transportation.

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No-Shopping-4434@reddit

That’s a frustrating catch 22 for sure. If you know anyone who can give you a ride/ bike or work out a carpool it would be a good first step, keep your head up I’m rooting for you

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bubba1294@reddit

I really struggled for a while on whether or not to make this comment becasue I'm not meaning to be rude or fall into my own trap. But I've found that giving advice for someone else's situation unasked for is a dangerous way to block compassion. I'm sure the guy who talked about needing to steal food when he was younger, and who now catches and eats wild animals due to lack of food, has considered many "good first steps" and reading all these comments about him going to a food bank or getting a job are very frustrating.

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No-Shopping-4434@reddit

Not everyone is aware of social programs, and I myself had to longboard miles to and back from work hungry and lean on neighbors leaving meals/ whatever I could make with stamps. I think you may be reading a meaning into it that isn’t there. I’m telling op I root for them and didn’t push or grill him about it, just asked and told him to keep his head up. No harm intended

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bubba1294@reddit

I know. I know. That's why I struggled with commenting -- maybe it would've been better to keep my mouth shut, instead of fighting someone else's battle. I will maintain that I didn't misread your message or intent. I thought you were honestly trying to help

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

It's a little frustrating sometimes but they're well intentioned. I just wish they'd see my answers to the same question first 😂

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Thank you

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garetth8@reddit

I got hit with the same deal. I paid ~$30k in taxes every year and they pull this bs

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bokehtoast@reddit

Respectfully, there's no way OP is at this point without having considered these options that are talked about on every food thread that hints at poverty.

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No-Shopping-4434@reddit

Meant to be encouraging not insulting, i just asked and told him to keep his head up. I was hungry myself for a while and leaned on kind neighbors/food stamps and longboarded 3 miles to and 3 miles back from a gig I got, now I’m more stable. I get it.

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Academic-Marsupial34@reddit

I was just thinking this is quite badass😅

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WheezyGonzalez@reddit

Did you eat the rabbit?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

No 😂

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kraftdinnerwithsalsa@reddit

Also there was a baby rat in its stomach

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sk1nnyjeans@reddit

It’s like a turducken, but different

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megamisanthropic@reddit

I've always fantasized about cooking a turducken. They sound delicious

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1like_trans-tomboyz@reddit

They're the worst waste of food and time that has ever happened to Thanksgiving around my house. I'd rather have Dino nuggies, and I'm a weight lifter that cooks nearly every dinner for myself from fresh.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Turdidnt-wanna-see-that

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Xfuck1tX@reddit

gif

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montroller@reddit

turfuckthat

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Some_Deer_2650@reddit

Extra protein!

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No_Obligation4496@reddit

Baby rabbit.

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kraftdinnerwithsalsa@reddit

Oh weird my brain musta farted, I’ll fix thanks

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AppUnwrapper1@reddit

What did you originally write?

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kraftdinnerwithsalsa@reddit

Rat

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AppUnwrapper1@reddit

Ah ok

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No_Obligation4496@reddit

NP. I dunno if it changes your opinion or anything.

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kraftdinnerwithsalsa@reddit

Not really, there’s a mental image I’m unable to shake

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MadamVoid@reddit

Ironically enough there was a hot dog spot out in LA when I lived there in 2014 and they had a snake and rabbit hotdog on the menu. I always wondered how they thought to mix those two together but now I’m starting to think they stumbled on a baby rabbit too……🫪

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The00Taco@reddit

Bro didn't even open up the snake to properly clean it before eating wtf

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Bilbo_Teabagginss@reddit

He pulled an RFK and cut its penis off and ate it before he ate the snake.🤣

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jasonloid2011@reddit

Savage

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AgentFreckles@reddit

The way I'd just starve

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burnerbotz@reddit

bro what country are you in? starving folk in LA get hundreds a month in food stamps

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I'm in the United States in Missouri.

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TallTelevision4121@reddit

Wait, are you homeless and without food so you have to hunt and eat a wild snake?

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Custombi@reddit

I thought that was a part of a car

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OhWhyNotMarie@reddit

On a scale from a hill to a holler, how Appalachian are you?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

It's over an hour away from me by plane so whichever awnser is "not very".

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codya30@reddit

Yee... haw?

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Cyanide-Kid@reddit

So. Hmm.

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Kai6792@reddit

And here I thought you were some kind of monster to eat the middle of a cinnamon roll first! Glad it's just a snake

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dustedandrusted4TW@reddit

I’ve always wanted to try snake. I wonder what the texture, bite and taste is like.

Does it flake like fish? Shred like chicken or is it more of a red meat vibe?

Also how is it eaten like ribs or they filet it?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Does it flake like fish? Shred like chicken or is it more of a red meat vibe?

None of the above. Probably more like calamari or something, vaguely.

Smaller snakes can't be deboned so you eat them like ribs or eat the bones.

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dustedandrusted4TW@reddit

Woaaah now that you say calamari I can see it. I look forward to trying snake one day.

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LordAyeris@reddit

:(

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lothsulothmo@reddit

they made a PS2 game about this

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roggobshire@reddit

Also there was a baby rabbit in its stomach.

That’s what you call “danger noodle surprise”

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WhyTheFunkKnot@reddit

Sssssssssinnabon!

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Illustrious-Youth556@reddit

Was the rabbit good?

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whimsical_spider@reddit

I was hungry. Now I am not.

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green_and_yellow@reddit

You should’ve had it with eggs. Snake ‘n eggs.

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fenwayb@reddit

in the morning - wake-n'-snake

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green_and_yellow@reddit

I usually do that without a literal snake

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fenwayb@reddit

lol wasnt even thinking that

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turquoise_amethyst@reddit

I guess you could feed it some eggs beforehand??

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QueezyF@reddit

Turkey season’s coming up, start making friends.

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MleemMeme@reddit

gif

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Low-Needleworker6556@reddit

Hey so I don’t like that

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TelluricThread0@reddit

You ate a Goa'uld?

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HiChrissy@reddit

To be fair they kinda had it coming.

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ForeverSquirrelled42@reddit

When I was a kid growin up in Texas, we’d go to rattlesnake round-ups in Oklahoma in the spring and they served rattlesnake a lot of different ways. Deep fried like chicken was my favorite. It tasted like rabbit.

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General_Security177@reddit

Are you gonna post this everyday now or what ?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I posted it twice 😔

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AstroBlushie@reddit

yeah I was not ready for that reveal

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Opening up the snake was also a reveal considering what it had just eaten 😂

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the1stmeddlingmage@reddit

I hope you properly opened up and cleaned the guts out BEFORE cooking the snake….

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Of course I did.

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the1stmeddlingmage@reddit

Good because your body text isn’t so clear on that, almost makes it sound like you found the rabbit while eating 😵‍💫

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Tiglath-Pileser_III@reddit

That looks like chicken.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

It's supposed to taste like it too depending on who you ask.

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thelectricrain@reddit

So what did that one actually taste like ?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Rubber and chicken de pollo. So like chicken but worse.

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actual-catlady@reddit

chicken de pollo

chicken of chicken?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

yeah it's a Mexican chicken broth spice

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Optimal_Benis@reddit

Snake.

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Xfuck1tX@reddit

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KingKhon1990@reddit

gif

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Xfuck1tX@reddit

gif

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Spendoza@reddit

gif

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Xfuck1tX@reddit

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Spendoza@reddit

Hips and nops

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Xfuck1tX@reddit

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KingKhon1990@reddit

gif

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Xfuck1tX@reddit

gif

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Canelosaurio@reddit

Long chicken

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turquoise_amethyst@reddit

I mean, rattlesnake is good. Haven’t tried anything else??

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freakmeout123@reddit

what’s that lol

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

snake

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LeGraoully@reddit

Really surprising the rat snake doesn’t taste good

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I possibly didn't let it rest long enough before cooking

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Subtle_Change68@reddit

You stole this picture from someone on struggle meals. SMH

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

No I didn't, I'm the same person 💀😂

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chasingnirvana9@reddit

gif

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SisterShiningRailGun@reddit

I've always wanted to try snake

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GlutenFreeNarcotics_@reddit

I've eaten rattle snake twice in my life, and actually quite liked it.

Can't speak on other species though. Also, idk why but calling it the forbidden cinnamon roll just made me laugh a laugh that concerned my coworkers.

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bipolarjunction@reddit

I'm in the SW I've wanted to eat a rattlesnake for a while now but ever since I decided I wanted one I haven't come across one. Kinda thinking about going out and finding one now...

How best prepared? Fried like catfish? What about smoking?

Forbidden cinnamon roll had me cracking up too 🤣

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GlutenFreeNarcotics_@reddit

The first time was combined with rabbit to make a sausage. The second was pan fried, catfish like you said would be a good comparison.

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erlend_nikulausson@reddit

Rabbit / rattlesnake sausage is delicious.

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mapache24@reddit

I like my cinnamon rolls boneless

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AdhesivenessHefty197@reddit

Congrats! that makes you a

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bryan_pieces@reddit

This isn’t necessary. This is being unwell. There are soup kitchens, food pantries, dollar stores, many other ways to eat something than somehow capturing or hunting a snake, skinning it, and then what? How are you cooking this? This seems like a fake post to me but if not I think you’re not using available resources properly or you don’t want to

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Parkouricus@reddit

Blaming the poor for their poverty, who are you? The US government?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Have you ever lived in a small town with no gas stations, let alone a grocery store? I cooked this on a stove in a friend's house as I didn't have electricity in mine.

I think you’re not using available resources properly or you don’t want to

Dawg nobody wants to live like this 💀 maybe I'm not using them as well as I potentially could be, but I'm still a teen and I have been learning a lot lately. Not every option is obvious let alone attainable.

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SanDiedo@reddit

I thought it was cinnamon-marinated herring fillet roll! 😭

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jasonloid2011@reddit

The irony of a Five Guys ad right in the middle of this thread is outstanding.

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Anubis-Hound@reddit

Oh my fucking god

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TechnicalBenefit4609@reddit

Looks like a bone. A fucked up bone.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

It's actually several of those

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TechnicalBenefit4609@reddit

Oh shit! My husband was right?! I do need glasses.

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Rodrat@reddit

I skinned and ate a rattlesnake years ago. I battered and fried it. It tasted like catfish but super chewy.

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Dish_Minimum@reddit

Pressure cooker first

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Rodrat@reddit

Didn't have one at the time but I'll remember this for if the chance ever arises again.

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matva55@reddit

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Legendguard@reddit

Oh it was a native? That's a shame, black rat snakes are suffering heavy population decline due to direct persecution. At least it didn't go to waste this way. Hope your financial situation gets better, sorry you had to resort to this

Hey what area are you in? I might be able to point you to some edible plants in your general location so you can get more bang for your buck, so to speak. My family eats a lot of "weeds" in the growing season and we save hundreds of dollars from not having to buy vegetables

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I'm in Missouri. I know a good bit of the native edible plants. Right now there's spring onion, henbit, dead nettle, stinging nettle (if prepped correctly), dandelion greens, certain mushrooms and a few other things. You can feel free to suggest anything else I might've missed though, I may not know about it.

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Legendguard@reddit

Hell yeah, stinging nettle is THE BOMB! Dandelion though I could never bring myself to enjoy, even if the bitterness is removed. I just don't like dandelion flavor :/

Ok, so you're a bit far south for a couple of things I would have suggested, but you should be in range for some of the following: hopniss, Shepard's purse, purslane, chickweed, lambs quarters, goatsbeard/salsify, numerous mustards/rockets/cress/brassicas, kudzu, wisteria (flowers), cattail, carpet weed, wapato, American lotus, cornsalad, bladder campion, sheep sorrel, wood sorrel, curly dock, broad leafed dock, burdock (the tops are terrible but the roots are PRIME eating!), creeping bellflower (the roots are the real prize, but you have to follow the tops' runners about 2-4 inches below the soil to find them. Flowers are delicious as well!), garlic mustard (best fried in oil), sochan, common mallow, ox eye daisy, Japanese knotweed, smartweed, common day flower, clear weed, Jerusalem artichoke, common milkweed, amaranth, sow thistle, etc

Jerusalem artichoke, hopniss, kudzu, burdock, and lotus are probably the best rootstock wild edibles, which the tubers (hopniss/lotus/JA) and roots (kudzu/burdock) can be harvested year round, although the best time to get them is during early spring before the tops fully form. With burdock you want to avoid plants that have stems, as the roots will be woody.

I'm not sure what your financial situation is at the moment, or if you already have it, but I HIGHLY, HIGHLY recommend Samuel Thayer's book "Sam Thayer's Field Guide to the Edible Wild Plants of Eastern and Central North America", as it quite literally has every (or nearly every) edible wild plant found on this side of the US! It also has range maps, lists the edible parts, their seasons, and the plants conservation status! Personally I think it's worth its weight in gold, and has easily paid for itself on my end just by helping me find edible plants. I definitely think it's a well worthwhile investment!

I'll check my copy tomorrow to see if I can list more edibles found in your state

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AntelopeEmotional767@reddit

Extra protein! Some places charge more for that

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yatrickya225@reddit

Should have ate the baby rabbit it would’ve taste better

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

It was partly digested.

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MadamVoid@reddit

Omg it kept getting worse with every line 😭😭😭 you and Maomao (apothecary diaries) would get along great

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lowFlyingTurtleLion@reddit

THAT PLATE! I haven't seen one like that in a long time.

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xiaoalexy@reddit

there is so much to unpack that im just gonna scroll away and forget about this

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Albertagus@reddit

Did you not post this like 2-3 days ago?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

it was a different sub, ya girl has gotta get her karma from the shock value 🫡

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Albertagus@reddit

But why though?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

The same reason most people post on reddit. I'm bored. Also to a lesser extent to show people how bad things have gotten in the US. But mostly I'm bored.

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Albertagus@reddit

Don't get bored. Get busy. Things are bad in the US. People are eating snakes.

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BikelJordan@reddit

Is this the newly homeless guys dinner?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

I'm the same person 😂 so yea, gotta chase that clout or whatever

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pleathershorts@reddit

I respect the hell out of it. I’d definitely eat it if I were hungry and a snake was the best option. How annoying are the bones?

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

They aren't that annoying. After a while I just chew them down.

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Haaraloth@reddit

But you ate it all…

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Away-Living5278@reddit

I like that my ad underneath this is for the grocery store. Giant is like "don't resort to eating snakes! Get groceries!"

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SooperNervous@reddit

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The OP:

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Past-Statement8663@reddit

You gotta stew it. In crushed tomatoes and red wine with a buncha garlic. Slow and low.

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batnessthefifth@reddit (OP)

Dawg if I'm broke enough I'm eating snake I'm also too broke for the rest of that stuff 😂 I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint with the unfortunate culinary supplies I have available.

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