Did your high school bully change for the better?
Posted by Lost-Engineering-211@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 290 comments
My current job is in an ad-hoc role. One of the sites I work at is growing fast and whilst they are looking for new people to take on permanently, they are getting by at the moment with myself and others who are also working on an ad-hoc basis. Was checking the rota at this site today and saw a rare name next to mine that I only know my high school bully to have.
She wasn't the worst person but definitely targeted me quite a bit and the feelings brought back from seeing her name were very unpleasant.
I'll be working directly with her in a couple weeks it seems. It's been well over a decade since I've seen her and I'd like to hope she isn't the same anymore.
Curious to know if anyone has been in a similar situation and any stories.
ComplexSquirelll@reddit
The bullying was so bad in the remote part of the country I lived in that I left as soon as I left school. I moved to a big but friendly city and went to university there.
As for the bullies - very few of them left the area and are still in the dead end jobs they’ve had since school.
Two of the worst culprits saw me being seriously sexually abused by a man (I was 14) and just laughed. They got killed in a crash after driving at speed during a police chase. They were high on drugs. I was glad to know they could never hurt anyone else.
Some of the bullies have changed for the better and, oddly, seem to have happy memories of their relationship with me at school.
Bullying can stay with you forever.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I'm really happy for you that you got an opportunity to go away from there. I can't believe what you've been through! I'm terribly sorry. I hope you're in a good place and I agree with your last sentence.
ComplexSquirelll@reddit
Thank you so very much.
I did have depression as a result, but am better now.
keyholes@reddit
One of my bullies had a life-limiting condition and had been told he'd probably not live past twenty-five. I check online every so often to see if he's still alive. I'm in my late thirties, and he's still going, though he uses a wheelchair now.
I've lost two good friends in the past few years, and honestly I don't think I'll ever not be bitter that he gets more time than they did.
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
My experience is mean girls become mean women.
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
A lot of mean girls become nurses
phatboi23@reddit
Nurses or carers.
songbirds_and_snakes@reddit
One of my bullies ended up being my midwife for a short period of my first labour, (she took over for an hour for the main midwife's lunch hour). It was actually horrible. And one of the reasons why I had a home birth for my second.
PrisBatty@reddit
In my whole life, I have never been abused as badly as I was by midwives. They were horrific. And I almost lost my life because of it.
Acceptable_Tap_2251@reddit
Same, sorry you've also been through that.
songbirds_and_snakes@reddit
Sorry you experienced that. I don't understand why uncaring people go into caring professions, or maybe they become like that after a few years?
I have to say that she was completely professional during the time she was with me, it just was very very awkward with her trying to chat about people we went to school with and me sitting there thinking about all the times I'd cried because I didn't want to go to school because of her and her friends. Not horrific, but certainly not conducive to a relaxing atmosphere during labour!
Dizzy_Charcoal@reddit
uncaring people go into caring profressions because it gives them power over vulnerable people. its the power trip they get off on it
SatinwithLatin@reddit
Uncaring people tend to believe they're actually very nice, and won't listen to anyone or anything that says otherwise. They don't look at their own behaviour or the consequences, they just coast on their own hubris for as long as it takes.
thelaughingman_1991@reddit
Ex girlfriend with BPD was a midwife. I barely survived that relationship, figuratively and literally, and I'm still scarred on a few fronts years later.
Fascinating how she could help families and bring new life into the world whilst completely making a shell out of me.
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
I'm sorry you had to deal with that in such a vulnerable moment.
smellyfeet25@reddit
really? what is your reason for thinking that?
PeppercornWizard@reddit
It’s just anecdotal bullshit. Vibes.
Most people become nurses because they are nice people.
No_Jellyfish_7695@reddit
they do, don’t they?
Educational_Cow111@reddit
If they haven’t changed their ways by the age of 17-18, they’re usually still a major bitch as they grow
soverytiiiired@reddit
Mean mothers too
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I kind of think the same too which is what worries me.
Sea-Transition-6774@reddit
Look for another job if she is still a mean girl. Your mental health matters more! You gotta put yourself first.
Galaxy135@reddit
I changed jobs because of a bully. Just the most awful person you can imagine. She also moved jobs a couple of years later and that company was far better than our previous one in dealing with it. She “resigned”. Been in my job for 10+ years now and work with the nicest people, some of which I count as true friends - been to their weddings, birthdays and also speak to most days, even the ones I no longer work with.
If I were you I’d tell a trusted friend at work before this person starts your reservations and why. And also be very clear you’re fine they’re joining. I am sure all will be fine for a month or so but at least you have a back up if it goes wrong. Also make sure they see you have friends at work, they won’t target you then. And look out for others
asterallt@reddit
I met the guy that made my life hell for five years, about 10 years after we left school at a party. He said ‘alright?’ and looked a bit awkward. I couldn’t believe how small he looked. Not physically like short or thin. Just a small, small man. I said ‘alright’ and then went and chatted to my wife, caught up with a few mates, then left without saying goodbye to him. I doubt he had any comprehension what he did to me but I didn’t really want to spend anymore time in the same house as him than strictly necessary. I guess in your situation you just have to hope they’re matured a bit. But just remember that all bullies, young and old, thrive on power dynamics. You already work there and have experience so you have an advantage on the dynamic from day one. Good luck.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
That was interesting to read. I'm glad you didn't feel compelled to talk more to him or pity him - I have people pleasing tendencies and have overlooked a lot of stuff. Thanks for words, the power dynamics point is helpful. I, too, was thinking about the advantage of having already worked there. I'll leave an update in just under 2 weeks if anyone is interested on how it went.
asterallt@reddit
Please do update. Been thinking about it all night! Hope it goes ok.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Will shoot you a reply to this when I do!
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
The fuck is high school?
Gone_For_Lunch@reddit
You know the term High School is British in origin?
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
Do yo think I would ask such a question if I were?
But seriously, what the fuck is it? Secondary or College age?
CillaBlackInDisguise@reddit
Google it then ya gimp 🤓
Sandy_Bananas@reddit
Fuck ya self.
Gone_For_Lunch@reddit
Secondary
CillaBlackInDisguise@reddit
Google it then you gimp
glasgowgeg@reddit
A term that originated in Scotland in the early 1500s, for the Royal High School in Edinburgh, and still represents a majority of institutes of secondary education in Scotland to this day.
Why do you ask?
Box_of_rodents@reddit
I heard years ago that the guy who bullied me at school was locked up in Zimbabwe’s notorious Chikarubi prison for GBH and attempted murder and another count of man slaughter.
Can’t say I was surprised because he was a real c unt.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
that....is a crazy turn of events. locked up for good i hope. If that's what he is guilty of then I can't imagine what bullying you must have faced, I'm so sorry.
Box_of_rodents@reddit
💪🏻👍
Last-Deal-4251@reddit
Well I’m now 40 and I have no desire to speak to any of the people who bullied me at school. I clocked the main one at softplay about 10 years ago, and whilst I’m still a fat fuck, she is an absolute munter. So I laughed and got on with my day.
CillaBlackInDisguise@reddit
Fucking love the word munter 😆
RevolutionaryFan1403@reddit
Story a bit different from everyone else here.
I was bullied very seriously indeed, to the point where several of my teachers were later investigated by the police for letting it get so far out of hand. I was beaten, slapped, scratched, gouged, slammed in doors, thrown down the stairs, covered in food, etc. My head of year allowed and encouraged it because I refused to let her - violate - me. Really bad stuff.
One kid I remember was an immature brat. He wasn't a bad kid but he picked on me because it was what all the other popular kids were doing and he didn't have the wherewithal to do anything different. I don't even really remember him very well. He was part of the problem, but he wasn't as bad as his mates.
Ten years after we last saw each other, I heard a car screeching to a halt next to me and the door opened. It was the immature kid, now all grown up. He profusely apologised for the way he had treated me. Since we last saw each other, he got a degree in psychology and is now a therapist. He said he was absolutely haunted by the way he had acted towards me, and had seen the effects of similar experiences in his own patients. Good to know people can change.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
This was an intense read. I hope you're in a great place right now with a good circle around you. I'm glad the immature kid changed for the better and apologised. He deserved for it to haunt him continuously. I still would rather wish you never went through anything in the first place. Those teachers deserve jail.
RevolutionaryFan1403@reddit
Thanks for the supportive comment - it was a long time ago and it is mostly just an unpleasant blur now.
I am now a teacher in the same area and, according to some of my current colleagues who worked with them, the teachers responsible ended up getting the school closed down. They forced through some really stupid policy changes that caused 95% of the students to leave. No exaggeration.
thick-Banana-8448@reddit
Mine died haha
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
and you're thriving i hope!
thick-Banana-8448@reddit
Ran multiple buisnesses traveld up and down the country ide say so!
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
oh, nice!! As someone with business mindset but yet to go for setting it up, I am happy it worked out for you
thick-Banana-8448@reddit
My advice ia go for it never doubt yourself and if anyone does ignore em
CrimpsShootsandRuns@reddit
I live in the same area I went to school in, so regularly see people from my school. I was never bullied as such, but I was never part of the popular crowd.
Most appear to have not changed. Actually gave one of them a chance by hiring him for some building work because he came highly recommended. He was still a cunt and he was shit at the job to boot.
A few have grown up, though. One even apologised to me in our 20s for jumping us after a night out.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
It's very nice that you gave him a chance, you did not need to and you did from your own good character. I'm sorry that he failed you terribly! I'm glad you got an apology from the other person,
CrimpsShootsandRuns@reddit
Well that good character died that day and I've vowed never to give twats from school a second chance haha!
Colleen987@reddit
My high school bully is dead. I saw on the news a couple years ago he’d be killed in a high speed police chase.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I'm sorry you were bullied. Were you glad or indifferent when you saw that?
Colleen987@reddit
I was neither I don’t think? I was shocked at first (were from a small northern village, high speed chases aren’t normal). Then I felt sad that both he’d gone so young and that he clearly never managed to leave our home village, have a family, have anything at all really,
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Ah, you had a empathetic response to it! When people die young I have a similar reaction too. There were quite a few comments about people being glad/indifferent about their bullies dying so I just jumped to the conclusion you would be same, sorry! Not that I judge anyone's reactions, bullying is a serious thing and people have the right to feel however they want to wards their bullies.
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
I've posted this before, but here goes:
I was bullied badly in middle school. It's definitely left a mental scar.
I'm nearly 60 and to this day wouldn't piss on any of my bullies if they were on fire.
A few years ago I needed some quotes for extensive building work on a house we were in the process of buying. I got a few local building firms in. It would have been a very lucrative job.
One of the builders who came was the ringleader of my bullies - to my surprise. He recognised me straight away and was very friendly. I told him that he could shove his quote up his arse, and why.
He may well have 'improved' but he can get to fuck.
ItsDominare@reddit
To each their own, but I can't imagine holding on to so much bitterness for fifty fucking years.
Kim_catiko@reddit
Did he apologise for how he behaved back then?
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
No.
129sapphires@reddit
That would have been a good opportunity for him to have apologised. It’s a shame he didn’t. Possibly he was put on the spot (caught off-guard) when you spoke about what happened at school?..possibly went home and regretted not having apologised? Who knows? I’m very sorry you had to go through that at school. I hate bullies.
seta_roja@reddit
Thinking out loud... Well, maybe he was caught off guard, but he could go back afterwards and apologise. Because that's the right thing to do, even if you don't get the business.
If someone is still hurtful after decades, is a big opportunity to make amends on your past mistakes. If you didn't apologise at the moment...are going to wait another decade?
So I guess that the guy is still the last bit of a bell. Fuck that guy
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
Thanks.
I don't really know what he made of it. It was only three or four sentences, very quick.
Clear_Raisin@reddit
good on you
Educational_Cow111@reddit
👏
Fabulous-Bit-3801@reddit
You’re nearly 60, let go of these bad feelings and memories. Kids will be kids. People grow up and change. Get out of the victim mentality and find peace.
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
You do you. I'll do me. I'm perfectly at peace.
Razwan_@reddit
Sorry to hear. Mind sharing what sort of things he did? Was he feigning ignorance by being friendly and not being apologetic as soon as he recognised you?
Must’ve been satisfying to stand your ground after all these years too, good on you!
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit
Out of interest, was it physical and/or verbal bullying? If it involved the former, is he still bigger than you and did you have any concern he would attack you when you told him to do one?
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
It was both, but mainly mental/verbal. Him and a group of about five hangers-on.
Nah. I'm not the timid wallflower I was at school. I'm not getting into a wrestling match at my age. I said my piece and he went.
His business seems to be doing fairly well, but his personal life is a mess. Divorced twice and doesn't (or can't) see his kids.
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit
I assume he didn't become aggressive or denigrate you in some fashion when you confronted him? That's fairly telling.
Interesting that these experiences from our childhood linger after so many decades.
tcpukl@reddit
You sound like you were the bully if you don't understand how the mental torture stays with you for life.
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit
How on earth can you interpret my comment in this way? Bizarre. I never suggested anything about his mental health or the effects.
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
No, no aggression. I didn't deliver a monologue. Just told him why he wouldn't be getting my custom. He said something like 'Okay' and left.
trippykitsy@reddit
why does it matter???
Jeremys_Iron_@reddit
I find the psychology of it interesting. Not sure why that would be a touchy subject that leads to downvoting.
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
It's all good.
He'd been living rent free in my head for decades. Genuinely felt cathartic to encounter him in the way I did.
WheresMyAbs98@reddit
This is a difficult one.
In all honesty there can sometimes be reasons that kids bully or pick on other kids.
A lot of the time these kids are bullied, battered and picked on at home. These behaviours are then learned and expressed by these kids as a form of coping mechanism/emotional release.
I’m not trying to justify these behaviours by any means, but ‘children’ are emotionally immature by the very definition of the term.
I was one of these kids. People can and do change.
I have no time for people who are still bullies in adulthood though. You’ve had ample time and opportunity to reflect and rectify your behaviour at that point in life.
omniwrench-@reddit
So basically, you’re still angry and he’s doing okay?
Way to prove them wrong, big shot
Jamericho@reddit
OP needed to pay for extensive building work. Doesn’t sound like he’s doing too badly either.
omniwrench-@reddit
OP is undertaking a creative writing exercise
trippykitsy@reddit
so you think your other comment is completely worthless but you made it anyway?
omniwrench-@reddit
It’s all made up. My point is that even the made up story doesn’t send the message OP thinks it does.
trippykitsy@reddit
why should he have to prove anything
Previous-Ad7618@reddit
Absolutely tone deaf reply. Huw fkin ignorant
Choice-Demand-3884@reddit
Hi Mike.
Sorry you didn't get the contract.
And I genuinely hope you get to see your kids again one day.
smellyfeet25@reddit
Good for you
OrangeChevron@reddit
Good. Big fan of calling people who've been hurtful out like that, well done.
OP should call this bixhe out too
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
You did what most wish they should've done after the fact.
CharlemagneKidding@reddit
Nice one
Keralam10@reddit
Haha love that
peachypeach13610@reddit
Well done.
8_string_menace@reddit
Dont know, dont care, but if I found out they were found dead in a ditch I wouldnt be sad
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
don't judge you at all
grokebomb@reddit
Nope.
She's a part time school dinner lady in the awful little town we grew up in, has 5 kids to 3 different dads, and her current piece wants to blow Tommy Robinson.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
have they got 3 teeth between the two of them too?
TheCeleryman_@reddit
Went to war, came back from war, died in an ATV accident like his second day on leave.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
a lot of people here mentioning bullies dying, it's like they can't stop chasing dangerous highs
Tru72@reddit
My bully is dead. OD on heroine.
Hate me or not, it was deserved
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Don't hate you, no one will know exactly what you've been through even if you explain every detail. It's not like you killed them.
vegan_voorhees@reddit
One guy who used to be a total arse to me went to prison for defrauding a bunch of people (including someone who had become particularly famous) and was ousted from his whole profession because of it.
wetlettuce42@reddit
No he’s still not very nice i moved to college and the first day i saw him, he looked at me and told his friend about me and laughed then he went away and i never saw him again, never forgave him though
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
nor should you. I'm sorry he did that, what a pathetic life he has to find fun in commenting negatively on other people.
JohnLennonsNotDead@reddit
He didn’t bully me but was a bully… he got shot dead a few years ago.
Oh well.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
seems like all these bullies peaked in high school
EldritchCleavage@reddit
I found out after moving back to my small town that my bully died of a drug overdose. His quite decent older brother moved to Australia to escape their evil father and is doing well.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
very common in this comment section for the bullies to have ended up dead
IndependentPiece5308@reddit
In my experience, no. Still awful bitches. However one of them (one of the worst) is actually now married to a guy she terrorised so I guess he thinks she got better
Educational_Cow111@reddit
Stockholm syndrome 😂
IndependentPiece5308@reddit
Probably🤣 he was such a nice person at school, still is now so that’s got to be the only reason he’s married satans spawn🤣
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I have a cousin who was an absolute terror to others but she's so sweet to her shy husband...might be a thing
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
hahaha
going10-1@reddit
No, they’ve just been sentenced to almost a decade for years of domestic abuse.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I hope they're locked up for a long time and then some.
dolphineclipse@reddit
I recently bumped into a bully at the pub - he complimented me and said that he's "not a bully anymore", which I guess was his way of trying to apologise
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
that's...kinda funny in a weird way lol. I'm sorry you got bullied.
spacecatbiscuits@reddit
I may not have been a bully, but I certainly think I was shitty to people in high school.
Would say I'm certainly not like that now.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I feel sorry for those kids but I'm glad you changed your ways. No point to let the milk keep spilling.
dan-72@reddit
Yea, he’s no longer breathing!
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
damn! hopefully you're thriving
unnaturaldoings@reddit
Well, my primary school and then secondary school bully cut my throat with a scalpel she stole from the art room. Not content with leaving me bleeding in form room when the teachers eventually got involved (as no one in my form stood up for me or told the teacher what she had done, only my very meek musically gifted best friend who went nuclear and went to bat for me), when she was suspended from school, she hunted the streets looking for me to beat me up. it took the school 4 months to expel her. In that time, I was utterly terrified, hoping I wouldn't run into her on the way home from school. I heard she ended up in a borstal for bad kids. Not sure what happened to her, but if she appeared in front of me today, I would tell her to go and fuck herself.
The other bully who used psychological warfare on me as she was a popular girl and class head, died of cancer in her early 20s. Not that i'd wish that on anyone at all, but I didn't shed one tear for her when I found out. School was a miserable time for me.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I'm so sorry that was your experience...especially knowing a child went through that makes my heart break. I hope you're doing well and I hope your environment is safe and brings you joy
popshares@reddit
Children go through persistent and vicious bullying every day, and the school staff do nothing about it. One quote from a headteacher, "we don't have bullying in our school".
It's twenty years later and it still makes my blood boil.
ok2888@reddit
I had a similarish thing happen, was smoking weed out in the park with a few friends and the dealer was this absolute dickhead we went to school with, who would for some reason insist that we smoke all of the weed we bought from him with him in the park, presumably so that we would run out quickly and need to buy more from him.
Eventually police turn up, and I ran away and managed to escape, while the others all got caught. Apparently me running away made the police suspicious and so they all got searched, dealer boy had a large amount on him and got arrested.
After that, he was out to get me for "snaking" him. He was asking people where I lived and telling people he was going to stab me, he was going to get his boys on me with machetes etc. I was originally meant to be doing a gap year but I ended up accepting the first uni offer I got so I could move away from the area (parents had no idea about any of this).
About a month before I was due to leave for university, he got permanently paralysed from the waist down from doing too much nitrous oxide/balloons in a single session. His "boys" also did not exist, as he was actually very disliked in the area and owed a lot of people money. Like you, I wouldn't wish permanent paralysis on anyone but I admit I did laugh out loud when I heard.
smackdealer1@reddit
I'd wish that on people I hate. Not sure why you wouldnt tbh. I'd be overjoyed to hear someone I hated died of cancer in their 20s.
VMS_UK@reddit
That’s horrible to read. Hope you’re doing better fuck me no child should have to deal with that
melnificent@reddit
One of our school bullies ended up in a Venezuelan prison for trying to smiggle drugs back to the UK. He had spent months telling everyone in the area he was bringing back a shit ton of drugs... Can't imagine how he got caught.
Another setup a very successful business so, swings and roundabouts.
vikatoyah@reddit
I saw one of mine about 10 years after school. She had been the pretty, popular girl and was by then quite fat, with a couple of small kids in tow, looking another 10 years older and thoroughly miserable. I was in the car so she didn’t see me but it felt so good.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
I’m the same. My high school bully is looking like a whale these days, lmao. She can go fk herself
vikatoyah@reddit
It’s not about her size, I wouldn’t have cared but she was so convinced being pretty made her somehow above everyone else that when I saw how tired and shit she looked I felt so much better!
awwwwJeezypeepsman@reddit
She now posts motivational content, talks about her struggles 🤣🙏. Please get hit by a bus.
Traditional-Ruin2860@reddit
Nah, he was squashed by a bus whilst riding on a possibly stolen motocross bike with two other lads when I was at college. Made me get home late due to the road closure.
Captain_Chappie@reddit
Making life difficult for you right to the end, eh? What a bastard! :D
pingusaysnoot@reddit
One is currently on his second prison term for drug dealing. Idiot.
Another has a kid of his own and made a public post that he 'fucking hates bullies' after finding out his own child had an issue with bullies at school.
Another I was in uni with briefly. Our very first day of first year, he said 'sorry if I bullied you in school, I bullied a load of people'. Then also had the audacity to say I 'didn't get it as bad as other people'.
These people have left me with permanent mental scars. They deserve absolutely no forgiveness or grace - they sure as shit didn't give me any.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
Not the public post 😂 performative nonsense from him
Rider151@reddit
I have run into a few bullies I had at school. Acknowledged them, but nothing more. One actually looked at my wife and I, ignored me and then deliberately moved to obstruct us. I just laughed at him and walked away. It helped that he was on crutches with a broken leg. He wasn't able to do anything, but still showed his true colours. Wouldn't spit on any of them if they were on fire. They left mental scars that exist to this day and I am now 58.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
The urge to dropkick that crutch must have been strong 🤣
Rider151@reddit
Sure was! Had to resist the urge 🤣
boosie-boo@reddit
I met one of mine as an adult at a school friends funeral. She kept trying to talk to everyone and no one was really taking her on other than being as polite as you should be at a funeral. She kept following me outside at the wake and trying to join in conversations with me. After a few drinks I told her, she made my life hell, her and her friends and I didn’t really want to talk to her now I’m an adult who can stand up for myself. She said she understood. Then towards the end of the night she ended up crying on my shoulder how everyone here hated her, she tried to do a go fund me for his wife (very unexpected death) and no one would put in because they didn’t trust her. I was again polite but inside I was thinking “HA”.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
Goodness she sounds fucking insufferable
Lessarocks@reddit
One of mine did. I met her, a long way from home, about twenty years after we’d left school. She made a bee line for me when she saw me and asked if we could talk. She wanted to apologise for her bullying behaviour. She explained why she thought she did it. She had turned her life around from what I heard and was certainly a better human being than she was at school.
What amused me though was that she had clearly been carrying this around a lot longer than I had. Once I left school and got started on my adult life, I did t give her or her little gang members a second thought. I guess bad behaviour comes with guilt attached if there’s a scrap of decency in you.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
Good on her for immediately going to to you rather than avoiding you, glad she changed
ShowmasterQMTHH@reddit
One of the main bullies in my school was a guy who never hit anyone, he was a mental bully, he would lead others in chanting and finding cruel things to say, encouraging others to be bullies.
When I finished school I didn't see him for about 10 years, and one night coming out of the pub with my now wife, I bumped against him and we ended up face to face. He called me by the mean nickname he had invented for me like I was a long lost friend. He was standing with a woman I assumed was his partner, I addressed him like he made me feel, I told him that wasn't my name, it was one he has made up to be a dick to me.
He was dumbfounded I'd say that in front of his partner, so then I addressed her, and said "sorry for shocking you, but this guy was a complete cunt to me and everyone else in school, a bully of the highest order, and time doesn't cure cuntiness".
Walked away.
Later that night, my now wife met that woman in the bathroom and they had a chat. She had been on a 3rd date with him and she said to say thanks, he seemed so nice but no interested in someone with that past
Educational_Cow111@reddit
The bully probably still bitter about her not going out with him again haaha
Neddlings55@reddit
Nah, once a cunt always a cunt. I find women worse too.
I did have a male bully seek me out after about a decade to apologise. I think he was going through some shit and it was recommended by a therapist. He asked me to forgive him and i was highly tempted to say no, however im the nice person he never was and may never well be, so i did. It was a lie of course.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
My male bully “apologised” over text before trying to get me to send him nudes and flirting with me. For me they’re bad in different way but women bullies are way worse! Once they hit 17-18, if she’s still a bitch she’s gon be one for life.
BronnOP@reddit
The worst of them is dead before 30, so I happily got the last laugh.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
A lot of these comments mentioning bullies dying young. Wonder if improving socioeconomic factors have a big role to play in reducing childhood bullying and problematic behaviours developing.
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
I think it's just bullies tend to live recklessly
Educational_Cow111@reddit
Because they face no consequences pretty much
BronnOP@reddit
Not a clue. This guy drank himself to death.
Western_Froyo6627@reddit
One girl bullied me from primary school till the end of high school. She was horrible, she was kicked out of my 10th bday for bullying me in front of my parents with no remorse (I wanted to make sure no one felt left out when I gave out invitations) and it eventually got so bad to that in high school should would slam my head into walls as she walked past me. Even as a little kid I knew that hurt people hurt people so I just hoped that her life would get better one day. She gave off v butch energy and everyone could tell she was gay but she wasn't ready to admit it to herself yet.
I started working in a gay bar at 19, someone mentioned the supervisors name, and my heart immediately dropped out of my arse because I knew it would be her. She walked in quite shy and we barely spoke for a few weeks. Then we all went out for staff drinks. She was bawling her eyes out to me apologising saying she was so scared to be herself and she hated me because I was always so me. Life wasn't good for her at home, I told her that mine wasn't either, she didn't consider that because she was so blinded by her own feelings and situation. She's able to live her life like she always wanted to now and last I saw she was very happy and I'm happy for her.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
Awwww x
Western_Froyo6627@reddit
Also, one guy who was a year older than me, came up with my nickname that stuck through high school and was generally a knob. He was a regular at the pub I worked at, kept trying to chat me up because he didn't recognise me. When he finally asked for my name, I can't describe the joy I felt when I looked him in the eye and replied with the nickname he started, and the shock on his face.
kingbluetit@reddit
I was inadvertently part of a group that bullied some kids, and I continue to feel horrible about it. For context, I went to a.m different secondary school than the rest of the people from my primary, so I was a complete stranger to everyone on my first day. We actually had middle school then, so I was only 8 or 9. I became friends with a group of kids who seemed ok, but eventually began to be horrible to a couple of disadvantaged kids. I eventually untangled myself from them and in later teenage years became friends with one of the victims, but I haven’t forgiven myself or forgotten what it was like to be part of that. I’m making special efforts to teach my own kids to be kind, and thankfully they are both showing really strong compassion in their early years.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
You’re doing great don’t worry
tvthrowaway366@reddit
I’m going to go against the grain here and say I don’t know and I don’t care.
The bullying I went through was a horrible, traumatic, and life-changing experience but ultimately it was on me to come to terms with it and move on. I had a run-in with a guy who bullied me years after we left school and he didn’t even remember who I was. It made me realise that all the anger and resentment I was carrying was only harming me and that by living in the past I was preventing myself from being happy. I was never going to get closure, or an apology, or amends, so I just had to let it go.
OP in your situation I would treat this woman the same way you’d treat anyone else. If she turns out to be the same as she was at school, you’ll have procedures etc you can follow to report behaviour at work, but hopefully she won’t be. Time can have a big effect on people.
Educational_Cow111@reddit
❤️
Educational_Cow111@reddit
No. She’s a fat cunt!
Demand_Snail@reddit
Yes (he died)
Jasboh@reddit
A bully from my school who gave me some shit was hit by a train.
Demand_Snail@reddit
Looooool mine was in a motorbike accident
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Barrow in Furness?
CrimpsShootsandRuns@reddit
Out of interest, what made you think that? I'm from not far away and can't remember anything about a notorious bully dying in a motorbike accident.
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Two stories I heard about people who were a few years below me at school
CrimpsShootsandRuns@reddit
Ah okay. Interestingly, a few of the dickheads from our school (not Barrow) have died in various automotive accidents over the years. Can't say I've ever shed a tear over their premature demise.
Demand_Snail@reddit
No, around Warwickshire
Confident-Oven-2892@reddit
Mine was in a car accident
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Barrow in Furness?
Confident-Oven-2892@reddit
Na south of England
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Seems to happen a bit then.
I wonder if there's a link between personality type and the type of person to recklessly drive
No_Conclusion_8684@reddit
Could be. Dick head personality dick head driver. Makes sense
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Im sorry for what yiu went through because of him
Mysterious_Shock_272@reddit
I Years ago one saw me in a pub, he actually came up to me and apologized.
WeirdBeard94@reddit
Can I ask what your response to the apology was abd what happened after?
foundalltheworms@reddit
Actually yes, I haven’t seen her again but I heard from one of my friends she also bullied. For some reason having kids young changed her for the better. Apparently she’s apologised to the people she’s bullied that she’s seen around. She was a very troubled kid. I don’t have the mental space to feel angry about it now anyway.
mycatiscalledFrodo@reddit
My primary school bully was imprisoned for hate speech so....nope
Thaddeus_Valentine@reddit
I had a few, and they're either in and out of prison, dead or driving taxis. Wankers.
SoOutThere@reddit
Don't know nor care, the damage is done. I still wouldn't give them the steam off my piss.
Top-Maximum-5230@reddit
I bumped into a guy a couple years older than me who gave me a bit of a hard time in school. He came up to me on the street, apologised for how we was at school, explained his home situation at the time and was really sincere and honest. We arent best mates or anything now but we have similar mates and have gone for a pint with the same group a few times and is a really nice guy
Dadda_Green@reddit
The rumours were that one of mine got testicular cancer so that’s an improvement in my opinion. Thirty years later I’m finally able to talk about the life long harm they’ve done to my mental health through counselling.
DoftheD@reddit
Nope. They’re a far right mouthpiece
Solid_Western_138@reddit
Danny Tommo?
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Jeez, hope you have a thriving life well away from them!
Melodicmat@reddit
I was never bullied, but we had a few bullies in my school.
One of them just got out of prison after a 9 year sentence (drugs, intimidating witnesses etc. His dad was also a big drug dealer back when we were kids. Heard all kinds of things about him since. Rape gangs etc)
The other one is now going out with my brothers ex wife! He still gets in some trouble I believe. Heard he beat up some random dude (who in fairness also sounds like a bully from what i heard) in a pub. hit him to the floor in the toilets and then kicked his teeth out (he got expelled from school for something similar!)
Pockysocks@reddit
No. They're a baby murdering junkie. I know this because I served them their methadone for a while. Don't think they recognised me or would even remember me they were always spaced out.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
We might be in the same profession after reading this. This is crazy story, Im sorry you had to keep seeing them.
Pockysocks@reddit
It's alright, I don't really let anything in the past bother me. Too much effort :P
Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit
Peterhead?
Worm_slayer3000@reddit
Probably, but I heard she did Gary too
Imaginary_Finger7844@reddit
They are a successful business owner with a solid family life.
The very attributes that made this so, required zero change.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
That, frustratingly, makes a lot of sense. I would argue that if they're the same person then the apparent solid family life would likely not be what it seems, behind the scenes.
Sam-Lowry27B-6@reddit
Nope. If anything never facing any consequences for their actions just enabled them to become worse.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Ugh. I hope you're doing well though and not in a situation where you keep seeing or hearing about them
Sam-Lowry27B-6@reddit
The best revenge is a life lived well.
Extension_Willow_966@reddit
I actually ended up becoming friends with my bully. She was awful to me when we were to seem cool and cause she was insecure.
Then when we were 16 our mutual friend died. Suddenly none of that mattered any more.
We were at the same place with mutual for drinks. She apologised for how she treated me then, we got drunk together and from then on I was firmly in her friend group. We have drifted apart, but i forgive her and wish her all the best
super_starmie@reddit
My high school bully is dead. Died a few years ago at 34 from an overdose, apparently (found out through an old friend I bumped into)
AnyOlUsername@reddit
Doubt it. When people don’t face consequences, they have no reason to take accountability. I haven’t seen them since school. Luckily I’m 100x more resilient and things that would have made me cry then make me laugh now.
My eldest sister is a bully. Not spoken to her in 20 years but occasionally she’ll grace us with her presence at family events. She’s almost 50. Still acts like as horrible as ever. I’m ok being the ‘bad guy’ if it means I get to call her out because no one (except me) ever does.
trippykitsy@reddit
i stopped going to events my brother was at because he just kept starting shit every time. i changed my mind once he had a stroke though. hed still be an embarrassing little fuck but something changed about how he talked to me. i think he realised any one of our conversations could be our last. his sharpness isn't there at all anymore either, he used to be so clever and would use that against people.
AnyOlUsername@reddit
My sister abused her stepdaughter (now 26yo who I speak to regularly) and had her put into care. I was a teen at the time and everyone just stood by and said nothing.
There’s no redeeming that POS. I couldn’t care less if she had a stroke or got hit by a car.
trippykitsy@reddit
That is absolutely horrible. Im sorry that happened
TheatrePlode@reddit
No. One of them is now a somewhat popular YouTuber who does Christian-themed conspiracy videos.
Guilty-Vermicelli320@reddit
Hop you left some comments on their videos
TheatrePlode@reddit
I haven't yet, but I do occassionally go and have a look to see what stupid theories he's come up, just for a laugh.
I have also seen him street preaching too, but I look very different to highschool so no one ever recognises me.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Crazy how a lot of problematic people go down this pipeline. Hope you're doing well
Key-Original-225@reddit
Yes and no,
While I wasn’t specifically bullied by the wanker, he did bully other kids. I’d seen him around from time to time in passing years and he thought he was the hardest guy in the world.
2 years ago he got properly filled in by a group of lads in the local Wetherspoons, he’s a quiet meek man now.
DoorGunner42@reddit
I'm lucky enough that mine pushed me over the edge at the time. Decked him and he stopped when he realized I wouldn't take it anymore.
Lost track of him at the end of French highschool, when I graduated and he failed so far he was forced into trade school because he had no other prospects.
Last I heard of him was from a friend of mine, apparently at the time the little shit was struggling to get hired for even the simplest retail jobs. Rumor has it he got kicked out of failure trade school (which I'd heard was rather hard to do). Which brought me a smile.
I saw him a few years ago in the street. Gave me a shit-eating grin. I didn't give him the time of day while fantasizing about boucing his head off the hood of the nearst car.
For your situation, I think the first thing will be to find out if they are actually your former bully, and not just a fluke of naming (you said the name was rare, ik. But personally, from college into university, I went from being the only kid with my first name that I knew... to being one of FIVE in my class.)
Second, find out if they even realize/remember who you are.
I would also preach to simply be the bigger person, but I'd be a hypocrit there if I did. As far as I know, mine is having a thoroughly shit life, and that brings me a measure of comfort.
So taking the high road and just working with this person is entirely dependant on if you feel you can actually do that. And if you can, I reckon you should feel good about yourself for being better in that way.
ThePinkVulvarine@reddit
A few years after school one of a group of bullies came up to me and apologised. We got on for a few years and were friendly when we saw each other. Unfortunately he died in his early 20s of testicle cancer.
smellyfeet25@reddit
Oh good luck. How long ago was it you last saw her?
_KAZ-2YG_@reddit
Not a clue, haven't seen them since I was 13. Do people keep in touch with their bullies?
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Not necessarily but when you live in small towns like I do, it's common to keep hearing about them ig
_KAZ-2YG_@reddit
I'm in a pretty small town too, but a lot of the kids from my old school came from the bigger area next to mine due to catchment so he probably came from there.
Kim_catiko@reddit
This thread is so concerning. I was actually never bullied at school, I was quite a shy kid and just kept to my small friend group so maybe I just went under the radar, though I don't recall anyone else being bullied either. Do most people get bullied though? My son starts school in September and that is a worry.
tvthrowaway366@reddit
Threads like this give a skewed impression of what school is like. Bullying absolutely does happen, and while schools have become better at dealing with it they’ve by no means solved the problem.
The question in the OP is aimed at people who were bullied at school, so it follows that the comments will be full of people sharing their experiences of bullying. People who enjoyed school are unlikely to comment because it’s a bit irrelevant and tone deaf.
So don’t let this worry you about your son, just make sure he knows what bullying is and be prepared to get involved with the school if you need to, but don’t take this thread as proof that he will get bullied because it’s not a representative sample of peoples experiences
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Well said! Had the question been: 'Were you bullied in high school?' - then these same answers would have definitely been more of a cause for concern.
Mc_and_SP@reddit
As far as I'm aware, no. He tried to give the illusion of it, but in reality he just wanted to dodge accountability.
He went on to blame everyone and everything but himself for his shitty behaviour.
(It's rather telling that his expulsion from school was basically a turning point for everyones behaviour that year and a lot of the major issues that plagued us as a group suddenly disappeared.)
Icy_Place_5785@reddit
He ended up dead of an overdose in a back alley in his mid-20s, leaving behind a string of convictions and children from different mothers he was barred from seeing.
Of course his parents told the local paper how he was just “misunderstood” and “suffering from anxiety”.
There wouldn’t be many people who would regard the world as a worse place without him.
kingoflames@reddit
I was a bully for some of my early teens. Towards the end of secondary school I started to recognise that it was fucked up. I was doing it for all the classic reasons of feeling powerless in a bad situation at home, so making others feel bad all came from insecurity. I also recognised a bit more selfishly that I didn't want to leave school with a bunch of people hating me. Made amends with some, apologised to others who obviously didn't want to hear it but that's fine.
From sixth form onwards, I've tried much harder to be a good person. I still feel a lot of guilt and shame for the things I did.
Hope the perspective helps you a bit
therealhairykrishna@reddit
My feeling is that people who were real bullies when they were kids grow up to be cunts too. They're wired up wrong.
Jin-shei@reddit
Met one of mine and he looked awkward and then apologised for being a shite.
Larrygengurch12@reddit
We were both on friendly terms by the time we left secondary school. I don't think I've seen him since
SWTransGirl@reddit
I was bullied in school while being abused at home.
I saw a post a friend of mine shared, all about anti-bullying. The original person posting, was one of my bullies.
I messaged the friend, who I thought would delete the post. They ended that friendship and distanced themselves immediately.
Additional-Nobody352@reddit
I moved 100 miles away after i left secondary school and this was 3/4 years before social media started to take off so i don't know and don't really care.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Fair enough! Happy that you could get away from it all
Additional-Nobody352@reddit
Same.
I did google him about 5 years ago and had been in court for dealing.
waxfutures@reddit
He changed into a corpse, which I would imagine counts as an improvement, for the town's crime statistics if nothing else.
Pro tip for any aspiring idiots out there: if you're going to steal a motorbike, wear a helmet and don't slam it into a tree.
EffBee93@reddit
Controversially, I would advise the opposite. If you're going to steal motorcycles, please don't wear a helmet and do slam into trees.
MassiveBeatdown@reddit
There go my afternoon plans then…
Otherwise-Term6608@reddit
Why would I slam a helmet into a tree? 😁
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Ooff. I'll never understand people being risky with operating heavy machinery. Hope you're thriving in life though
marquoth_@reddit
Don't know, don't care. My life has gone far too well for my high school bullies to be anywhere remotely close to being in my orbit. This post made me think about people I'd genuinely forgotten even existed.
Ok-Snow-3702@reddit
I once bumped into a bully with my dad in the pub. He was happy to see me and put his hand out but I suddenly felt big and adult like. Not my dads presence really because he's not really that kind of presence, I just knew I was bigger and stronger now. And refused and said Im not shaking your hand man you used to bully and beat me, now I'd beat your ass. No one agreed with me and I was deemed in the wrong. But thats ok it was a public place, people trying to enjoy themselves etc. But fuck that, he should have started with sorry about that shit when we were younger or something.
soverytiiiired@reddit
I don’t know what he’s up to now, but when we all left school at 16 he still hung around the school gates waiting for younger students to finish for the day. He also hung around outside Sainsburys with them on a Friday night until we were at least 22
DecompressionIllness@reddit
No idea. I haven’t had any contact with them for 16 years.
I do know some of them are now parents and I hope that has caused them to reflect on how they treated me for the years we were in school.
CharieRarie@reddit
It’s years ago now, but I saw a girl who was vile to me at school dropping her kid at the same nursery my kid went too. I thought okay, I’ll be the adult, smiled and said hello (as I would to any nursery parent in passing) The look she gave me!! Like I’d just shit in her shoe. I just laughed and went about my day. Seems some people don’t ever grow up!
CapableSong6874@reddit
Could some bullies go up to the more aggressive kids and tell them a lie about you that causes this reaction?
Downtown-Orchid-2257@reddit
Your story is a huge reason why I decided to move to a different area to bring up my kids. The thought of running into one of my ex-bullies with my kids in tow put the wind right up. One of them is now a teacher at the high school so there's no escape.
Good on you for being the grown up. I feel sorry for her kids if that's the kind of person she has grown (or not grown) up to be.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Ugh, some people act like the world should bow down to them. Never feel bad for being a good person and being kind, and I'm glad you laughed at her!
CharieRarie@reddit
I’ll admit it took me a minute! I felt a bit shaken at first like I was back at school. Then I told myself I was an adult, a happy in myself married woman with children, and a silly glance from a random girl meant nothing to me anymore 😊
Gent415@reddit
My experience of growing up in a small rural town is that you grow out of it but they don't. They're still hanging out with the same losers, drinking in the same pubs, with the only difference being that they now have a couple of miserable kids and they're fat. Fuck those people, you're better off leaving them behind.
gggggenegenie@reddit
My infant school bully has recently been made redundant by the local council I believe. I've ignored him since school.
One of my HS bullies ended up being a reporter for the local newspaper, who eventually had to quit because of his mental health. I did take some pleasure by telling him where to go, when he came to me via social media a few years back to get the scoop on my brother in law, who had recently died in an accident.
Another HS bully got sent to prison for tax dodging.
School was crap really. Figures I went into education for my career, with the desire to try and ensure kids lives aren't as shitty as mine was. I'd like to think those I teach aren't as impacted as I have been over the years. My confidence is next to non-existent, and always has been, which I put down to those experiences when I was younger.
trippykitsy@reddit
I didn't just have one high school bully. I was targeted by everyone in the school. The group of friends i made at the very end of my school years were the few people who had managed to restrain themselves from targeting me because they were already outcasts themselves. It took us that long before it was safe enough to become friends.
Anyway, I have to believe all my school bullies became better people because otherwise I wouldn't trust anyone due to how massive that demographic was. That doesn't mean I have to forgive them though.
Not all bullies are equal. There were a lot of unintelligent children who were bad at bullying me and honestly I saw those people as halfway towards being friends. I hope they are doing ok. And then there were the people who were much smarter and crueler. I never want to see their faces again.
Weirdly, I never did as soon as compulsory education finished. Even though they were smart they all dropped out before sixth form, which made me wonder if their bullying behaviour reflected or caused other problems in their lives.
I sometimes hear about my former bullies from my mother because she is working at the local co-op near my old school. Mostly I hear about people I knew from primary school rather than high school because that's where she recognises them from. The ones from my primary school grew a lot more vile in high school so I don't particularly like that my mum talks to them.
_Harpic@reddit
No, he was unemployed like his brother, got into drug business and then probably the closest thing to gang related crime for where I live.
Don't think he meant to get involved but it's being in that circle.
In the end, he ratted on his brother who he and another had tied somebody to a chair and was burning them etc. Had also burned down a house due to a drug fued.
He was in hospital for mental health, feared what was waiting for him and hung himself.
InvestigatorSoft3606@reddit
I wasn't personally bullied, but in my class there were 2 boys who were a bullying influence on the whole class.
Both of them have ended up with lives of crime. One is still in prison for a serious child related unpleasantness, the other one for drug offences.
Underwritingking@reddit
I was bullied at school by a group who delighted in picking on a few of the other lads. For a while it made my life a complete misery. Luckily most of them left school at 16 so the next two years were much better.
Also luckily (for me anyway) was that their target was often another lad, who was smaller than me. If my life was a bit of a misery, they made his complete hell.
I honestly don't know what became of any of them, or how I would react if I met one of them. Probably a flat non-committal British politeness until I get as far away from them as I could. I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire. Unless I could piss petrol.
roseprint@reddit
When I was in my early twenties, my mum and I met a woman she went to school with at an event. There was polite conversation but clearly something in the air. Awkward.
After we left the building she put her head in her hands, started sobbing and said "you'll have to drive". My mum is usually very composed. That's how I learned she was bullied by that girl (as she was) in her early teens, and truly didn't know what to do or say. She did say a few days later that she felt much better for it happening and realising that the monster was just a woman.
Downtown-Orchid-2257@reddit
Haha, no. The worst one ended up in jail for GBH and is now a scaffolder. No offence to scaffolders, mind!
As posted elsewhere, another is now a teacher at the same high school we went to. They're a head of year so there's no chance I'd want my kids going to the same school.
Another mean girl ended up a nurse. Never crossed paths thankfully. Her partner got cancer and died young so felt bad about that for her. Think she's re-married with kids now.
Do they change? Well, I would never want any of the above in my house or anywhere near my kids.
OP, keep it professional and work friendly. It sounds like your role is quite busy and practical so use that to your advantage. Hope it all goes well and you remain the bigger person. Other people will notice if your former bully does not.
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
That’s interesting.
If it transpired that the teacher was objectively a good teacher, would that change your mind about a child going to that school?
Downtown-Orchid-2257@reddit
That's a good question.
I'm not sure I'd want to take the risk of finding out they're not when it comes to my children's welfare. Although it's unlikely they'd have much class time contact being a depute head.
My old school was also horrific in general so another reason why I wanted to get away.
PhilOakeysFringe@reddit
One of the main ones for me was involved in an attempted murder a few years back.
Studio_Ambitious@reddit
Became a US Marshall, still a jerk.
oktimeforplanz@reddit
How did someone from the UK become a US marshal?
Studio_Ambitious@reddit
Apologies. My father is an ex-pat from Manchester. I get my Ask subs confused
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I wonder why they chose the US army? Hmm... Anyway, hope you're doing well in life and surrounded by great people and not having to give a toss about the bully
oktimeforplanz@reddit
I think they're a lost American.
EssBen@reddit
It was a group.
The actual worst of the bunch had done prison time last I heard. The ones who carried it on and put the windows in on my first flat.
I met one in a working situation and he seemed like a totally different and decent person. Adult me realised he was hiding in the group. The only black person in the entire school, not just the year. Just a kid trying to not get bullied himself.
I met another of their regular targets years later too, again only adult me realised this. Young me thought he was alone. I regret not reaching out more at the time. But I shut down after a while.
ScientistJo@reddit
One of my school bullies friended me on Facebook when we were in our 40s (a schoolmate had died and loads of people were connecting on Facebook as a result). I accepted the request and got an insight into her life. She had a kid before leaving school, and another soon after, so she had two adult daughters already, and two grandchildren because both of her daughters also had babies when still at school. She also had a toddler of her own. Her daughters and grandchildren lived with her, none of the dads ever showed up in her posts. She had her alcoholic mother living with her in a garden shed. Her job was selling diet meals replacement drinks. Assuming her mum was always an alcoholic, it made me realise what a shit time she must have been having back when we were in middle school and she was being so horrible to me, and she had done so little with her life since.
Luckduck86@reddit
There was one guy in high school that gave me continuous trouble. Throwing things at me on the bus, just a complete and utter nuisance. One time he twisted my nipple before we got on the bus. Well It was only a month after the nipple twisting incident that he died in a car accident.
cgknight1@reddit
Done very well for themselves - runs a successful international consultation.
madmaxcia@reddit
My bully (although I had several) in junior school developed a tick by the time he was twelve. In secondary I forgot he even existed, he was popular in junior school but a nobody after that and the tick made me feel like justice had been served. I’m not a malicious person but I was the only brown kid in my village and to go to school every day and be called racial slurs by a handful of boys with no one to stick up for me was not amusing to say the least. Character building I suppose.
badgerkingtattoo@reddit
I often used to think “was I actually too weird? Did I actually deserve a little bit of bullying?”
But he came up to me in Sainsbury’s the other day. Went out of his way to say hello and I asked how things were. He did not ask me a single thing about myself and appeared to be on cocaine at 5:30pm in a suburban Sainsbury’s. Genuinely all over the place, talking like he’s an audiobook set to 1.7x speed. He told me he works on HS2 and went on a rant about how immigrants are to blame for HS2 wasting taxpayer money.
I no longer wonder whether I “deserved” to be bullied as a child. His heart is full of nonsensical hate. I literally turned the things they used to bully me about into a really lucrative career and he can’t get to 6pm without snorting some coke before he goes home to his family.
jetjitters@reddit
Nope, currently a relatively big name footballer earning lots of money
First-Lengthiness-16@reddit
Sounds like they did well for themselves.
How big name? What league are they in?
Guilty-Vermicelli320@reddit
Who is it?
Previous-Ad7618@reddit
Yeah. Never really bullied just got a hard time off the bulky crowd now and then.
He's "a nice normal guy" now but I saw him in a pub years back and he tried being chatty. Told him politely enough that we aren't mates and I'm not interested in pretending we are.
UnnecessaryRoughness@reddit
He died about 15 years ago.
I read about it on Facebook, all his friends and family saying what a lovely guy he was and how he was taken too soon.
I googled his name and found he was a heroin dealer who had been arrested and jailed multiple times.
alexandertheking@reddit
Mine died in a plane crash in Nepal so I guess he did change for the better in that regard....
Few-Anybody3320@reddit
Became a copper , still a bully in a uniform.only gets paid to do it now. Last I saw him was a few months back on one of those idiot auditor videos at a migrant hotel nearby laughed my head off listening to it
Oddly enough the majority of his friend group from back then went on to become a good chunk of the local areas addicts and thieves .
So on paper he did change for the better but I wont ever forgive or forget 20 years since I left secondary school and im still holding that grudge
Potential-Bird-5826@reddit
I'll carry the physical scars of my bullying till the day I die. Regardless of whether they try to be better, their victims have to live with what was done to them.
If you weren't still affected by what this girl did to you, you wouldn't be posting here and you owe your tormentor nothing
awjre@reddit
I would raise this with your boss and possibly HR as a significant concern imm. They are potentially creating a hostile working environment through no fault of their own.
This is not something to stay quiet about. You could easily end up quitting over this. If they are a new hire then this is easier to deal with.
Do not ignore this.
drivelhead@reddit
The last I heard he was sent to prison after seriously assaulting a stranger.
Rebelrebel26@reddit
Sometimes the thought of seeing them is harder than the actual event. Don't let it get you down, times have moved on and you're stronger than you know. They may or may not have changed, but that has no impact on you. They can't harm you anymore
WonderfulThomas@reddit
He died unexpectedly whilst living in Thailand, so yes, he did change for the better.
Henno212@reddit
They gained a tonne of weight and lost all their hair.
Victory to me 😁
Still has hair and in good shape 💪
FrostyImplement9565@reddit
No, but he has severe mental health problems and got hit by a car the other month now he’s too afraid to leave the house so it feels like justice to me.
Interesting-Panic710@reddit
One is a fugitive, the other one is suffering from depression for a few years already.
Ghostraider@reddit
Nope still a horrible person he's not long got out of prison for secretly filming women he had sex with and creating website so him and his friends could rate them.
Alundra828@reddit
Wasn't really bullied in school, but there were certainly plenty of bullies.
The kids that associated with the bullies are doing mostly fine. These people didn't really bully people per se, but were mean to the bully victims purely because they were associated with the arch-bully. But the bullies themselves are either dead or in prison. I'm in my early 30's, so that should tell you a bit about the sort of people these bullies were.
And it really is a fascinating load of reasons for the deaths of these bullies. One died huffing glue. Two died violently either stabbed or killed. One died from leukaemia. And one died from a brain tumour. I learned about all these things via Facebook, and it was always hilarious to get all the well wishers on their facebook telling people how kind and caring they were deep down. Like fuck they were lmao. They didn't light up the room, they were wankers and druggies. Getting killed doesn't invalidate that.
And literally, I cannot think of a single school bully that is still alive or out of prison... I guess the bullied kids won in the end.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
I mentioned this in another comment but it truly is eye-opening how a lot of people in the comments have mentioned that their bullies have died, or are in prison even. You're right, death does not invalidate any of their horrific actions. I think humans just naturally become more forgiving if someone is dead as death is a scary concept to a lot of people -but we don't realise that excusing someone's bad actions and acting like they were a good person is not fair on their victims.
UnacceptableUse@reddit
He went to prison for rape and coercive control a few years ago, so no I think if anything he got worse
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
That's horrifying. Glad he's locked up. I hope you're well
notmenotyoutoo@reddit
I left those arseholes to rot in their own shit long ago. Moved to the opposite end of the country at 16 and never looked back.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Genuinely happy for you that you had the opportunity to do so!
peachypeach13610@reddit
Not really, still a loser
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Seems like no one has changed for the better judging on these comments. Hope you're thriving though
haggis_catcher-@reddit
The big school bully in my school got caught in a pedo sting all over social media a few months back.
He was and is a horrible guy.
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Oh my, ew. Anyway, what's for dinner? (Hope you're thriving though)
CyberScy@reddit
No thank god.
Ironically my wife and I bought our first house from his partner and still sometimes hear what they got up to from neighbours, as well as used to receiving multiple debt collection letters (which was very amusing watching their life go down the shitter in real time.
Anyway they rent now and I take great pleasure in knowing I did better in life
Lost-Engineering-211@reddit (OP)
Whilst I try and tell myself not to let comparison determine my happiness, I do feel so uneasy knowing some people I don't like are ahead of me so I totally get you feeling that way haha
BeingOtherwise7829@reddit
No idea. I don't pay her any mind anymore.
One of my high school ex best friends who fucked me over when we were adults, however, is a different story. I don't think she got better or worse, I think she's just a selfish human being still.
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