ULPT Request: How to get back at weird guys who hit on my GF and I?
Posted by Neither_Yogurt9603@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 75 comments
I am in a WLW relationship. We are in our early 20’s, both dress pretty feminine, and live in a big city. We like to go out.
Posting this for two reasons: 1. Recently I’ve had an experience where a guy I know seems to be hitting on me fully knowing I have a girlfriend (dismissing it isn’t working great). 2. We’re going to a rave tonight and apparently the venue is known to attract some weird men based on what we’ve heard. Event seems fun enough to go regardless, but we are getting really tired of it. Is there anything we can do to get the point across/get them to go away/even be a little mean? Not just like directly telling them - I can be quite assertive but they tend to take that poorly too.
ImBigRthenU@reddit
I worked as a bouncer at nightclubs and bars for a long time and MANY times I unexpectedly became the boyfriend of a stranger who didn't feel like dealing with the guy who didn't get the hint. If you're really worried about getting harassed, introduce yourself to security beforehand. They should know the drill.
encrcne@reddit
I’m not trying to be a dick, but if they’re making guests uncomfortable, why can’t the bouncers just tell these guys to fuck off and give them the jazzy jeff?
Biggie-Falls@reddit
I think they often do…
It would always depend on the circumstances right?
encrcne@reddit
I don’t know man. I’ve never been a lesbian woman, but I’m sure most would rather be their true selves and have the bouncers do their job of protecting patrons than have to fake being hetero.
ImBigRthenU@reddit
I’ve been a bouncer so let me tell you this secret, priority #1 is to the business. It’s not their first job to weed out bad people in the crowd. Plus how is someone who makes $20 for his part time gig going to read everyone’s minds and know which people women are friends with and which are strangers.
You don’t go into a barber and expect them to give the exact haircut you want without explaining anything to them so why do you expect that from the service industry?
encrcne@reddit
Do you think standards may have changed in the last decade? I feel like unwelcome advances on a woman will get you immediateky kicked out of any business in this day and age.
Biggie-Falls@reddit
Yeah that’s a fair call
Kelsenellenelvian@reddit
Same here. I can't count the amount of girlfriends/boyfriends I had while working as security for over 12 years at the local gay bar. My wife always thought it was funny as hell and we always knew it was a well needed service.
Biggie-Falls@reddit
Can’t imagine how many people you’ve saved from bad situations. Good work!
schaudhery@reddit
WLW = woman loving woman?
writinglegit2@reddit
No idea
pluto_pluto_pluto_@reddit
Yes, wlw = women loving women. Bisexual women also love women and aren't lesbians, so it's a more general term.
darksteel1335@reddit
So wouldn’t it just be a FF (female female) relationship?
AleScorpion@reddit
I had to ask AI to explain it to me. Apparently it’s a superset of that. My understanding is “people who primarily (but not exclusively) identifies as women primarily (but not exclusively) loving people who primarily (but not exclusively) identify as women”
IAmActuallyBread@reddit
You needed AI for that? Lmao
writinglegit2@reddit
If thats real, that's hilarious
Foxy_Traine@reddit
It's AI babe, what do you think?
Neither_Yogurt9603@reddit (OP)
never heard of ff (op/bi woman/multi platform social media user)) but don’t mind the abbreviation
SpookyCatMischief@reddit
WLW is pretty common and understood, and I am 37 and usually have no idea on Gen Z created acronyms.
Just ignore everyone acting like it was unreasonable.
Foxy_Traine@reddit
Honestly, it's the non-queers who are confused. There are a lot of straight men in this sub who likely don't spend any time in queer spaces/ around queer people. WLW is a perfectly common and accepted abbreviation in queer spaces.
concrete_marshmallow@reddit
Lifetime lesboan 37f, I had to guess what it meant and scroll here to check.
More of a yank abbreviation maybe?
writinglegit2@reddit
Sorry, word on this thread is, only non queers are confused.
Im sorry to say, you are straight.
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Your comment was removed for violating rule 14: No reason to be a dick. Seriously, get therapy or fuck off.
SpookyCatMischief@reddit
I figured that, ya?
writinglegit2@reddit
People love their abbreviations.
Thanks
schaudhery@reddit
I don’t know why people assume the entire world knows their specific acronyms
writinglegit2@reddit
Its an abbreviation thing in general. Very annoying. Like, yesterday IAAHD (i ate a hot dog) and then are surprised when no one knows what the hell youre talking about.
Solala1000@reddit
What are you talking about?? Iaahd is a pretty well known abbreviation all around the world.
writinglegit2@reddit
It IS gaining a lot of traction, isnt it?
Foxy_Traine@reddit
This is an extremely common acronym. You must not spend much time in queer spaces, huh?
schaudhery@reddit
It’s can’t be “extremely common” if it’s just used inside queer spaces.
Foxy_Traine@reddit
I think you underestimate the number of people who frequent queer spaces.
writinglegit2@reddit
I live/lived in some pretty gay ass cities. But as far as "spaces" I don't know. What makes a music venue a "queer space" vs just a place where shows are put on?
I don't go around to people, ask if theyre queer, then ask for the extremely common acronym for their orientation, I guess
brainhack3r@reddit
Serious answer.
See my comment here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/comments/1sn98da/comment/ogm8o14/
Basically, DO NOT shoot them down. They won't back down if they're a weirdo
Instead, tell them something to gross them out.
Tell them you just had an abortion a couple months ago and that you haven't stopped bleeding. Be very gross about it. Tell him that the smell is horrible, etc.
You could also just say that you're pregnant and looking for a father for the baby and that's the only reason you're dating.
Also say you're 5 months along but not totally showing yet and the doctor said you can't have sex until the baby is born.
A girl sort of did this to me a while back and I realized I was INSTANTLY unattracted to her and couldn't get away fast enough. :-P
JCMiller23@reddit
This is my favorite strategy ever, I wonder if you could figure out a way to apply this idea to other areas of life.
Someone's bullying you? Start making sex noises and tell them "don't stop daddy!"
No_Let2362@reddit
My coworker made the noises the lemon dude from adventuretime makes at me today. I have never walked away faster.
Delicious_Train6929@reddit
UNACCEPTABLE!
I’m
mister-ferguson@reddit
Nope, that's just a filter.
BoredCheese@reddit
Pick your nose and wipe it on his shirt. Boom, instant revulsion.
realDespond@reddit
i know at least 2 dudes who would take that as reciprocation and fuckin eat it lmao
ToBeOneThousand@reddit
I definitely didn’t need to read this today
beautifulperkyladle@reddit
love this one!
buildingacozymystery@reddit
Wear a strap-on. When they hit on you, whip your dick out. Or grind on them from behind where they can feel it poking. Might be enough to freak them out.
Top_Independent_3548@reddit
This is the right answer.
i-am-foxymoron@reddit
How aggressive are these men? I get hit on all the time, I simply say, "I'm not interested". I find it flattering. I would kind of be sad if no one ever hit on me.
Look at it from the guy's perspective. They see 2 attractive women together and assume they're single. Even if you think you're making it obvious that you're a couple.
If all else fails, fuck their moms
discolored_rat_hat@reddit
Maybe they assume that these two women are single, but they also fetishize wlw. If the clear "no" she gives him contains any mention of a girlfriend, these guys ask if they can join/watch. These men just do not give a single flying fuck about the woman's opinion on the usage of her body. A clear, unmistakable "no" is never enough for these types.
mister-ferguson@reddit
Seconded. Fuck their moms
FreshwaterFryMom@reddit
I third this statement. Fuck their moms.
Intrestingly_Amazing@reddit
Instructions unclear now you’re in a relationship with the mom as well
lordberric@reddit
"I find it flattering" is kind of shitty considering OP has explicitly said they're tired of it. They're not interested and want it to stop.
RunWithBluntScissors@reddit
“Sorry, I’m not interested in men. I’d bang your mom, though. Could I have her number?” and hope that surprises them enough that they go away.
IAmActuallyBread@reddit
/r/MysteriousDownvoting
Neither_Yogurt9603@reddit (OP)
Too many men on here lol (i have told a bouncer i was being harassed before it honestly mostly worked)
IAmActuallyBread@reddit
They apparently need AI to describe WLW to them when Google exists and literally has the definition lmao
Averagebass@reddit
wtf is WLW
Neither_Yogurt9603@reddit (OP)
Wtf is averagebass are you an incredibly average bass player
Intrestingly_Amazing@reddit
They just don’t know the full form of WLW
Neither_Yogurt9603@reddit (OP)
fair enough but respectfully what else could that mean (ps they are an nsfw account with a ton of karma(wlw is frequently used in that community)) so easily interpreted as spam
Intrestingly_Amazing@reddit
Idk man I assumed it was Woman Loves Women cause I didn’t know (till I read another comment below)(might still be wrong idk). Sometime we take for granted what is common sense to us, so I try to assume the best in people. Or they might be willfully ignorant.
Averagebass@reddit
yes, and in every other aspect, but wlw? woman lesbian woman couple?
IAmActuallyBread@reddit
it's pretty shrimple 🦐
butter-cream-cat@reddit
"Sorry I don't find you attractive". It's the truth isn't it?
oak_and_tonic@reddit
Are you new here? To Earth, I mean
butter-cream-cat@reddit
Hey it works for me.
Push-bucket@reddit
A surprisingly large amount of people take that as a challenge. They'll then ask what specifically so they can debate the details or they'll debate on the general principle.
Hello_Hangnail@reddit
I bark at them. Like a chihuahua
Push-bucket@reddit
Not unethical but I've said slowly and loudly "no means NO" to everything they say, even interrupting their arguments as to why that's not valid. I look them right in the eye with raised eyebrows and say it as if they are developmentally disabled and I'm loud. Eventually they realize and others judge then and they slink away.
TanagraTours@reddit
Ask him if he knows what an emasculation fetish is.
It's not all at once. Circumcision. Vasectomy. Penis piercing. Bet you can't get just one. Other intimate piercings. Tattooing. Chastity cage. Then "body modification".
loweffortflashmob@reddit
I used to always say very loudly and extremely clearly - enunciating every syllable “I don’t speak English.” And then the guy would look at me and my girlfriend and be like “Haha what?” And I would look at them like I don’t understand what they’re saying to me. Continue to look perplexed from the language barrier until they awkwardly bow out.
brainhack3r@reddit
As a guy, don't be mean.
Women don't approach men so if we want our species continue men have to approach.
The only exception is if they're dicks about it or really weird.
Honestly, I'd just call them out and tell them you're making it awkward, that they should approve their approach, then tell them to move on as you have a GF.
As a guy I can say that I do NOT want to make anyone feel weird... But I'm not going to not shoot my shot.
whats1more7@reddit
The reason you’re going to get downvoted is because a guy saying this is fine, a woman saying it is ‘mean’. That’s the difference between a man and a woman in this situation. And trust me when I say in order to get some guys to stand down, anything short of saying ‘get the fuck away from me’ is not going to be effective.
There’s nothing wrong with shooting your shot as long as you take no for an answer the first time.
brainhack3r@reddit
> anything short of saying ‘get the fuck away from me’ is not going to be effective.
By all means... If the guy is a jerk definitely say that.
> There’s nothing wrong with shooting your shot as long as you take no for an answer the first time.
Ah... so maybe to rephrase your questions it would be for asking how to deal with "asshole" people that won't stop harassing you.
Honestly, it seems that falls into the harassment territory so everything is fair game IMO :)
IAmActuallyBread@reddit
You literally didn't read the post lmao
whats1more7@reddit
What part of ‘a guy I know seems to be hitting on me fully knowing I have a girlfriend’ wasn’t clear to you? This is the issue women have. Here is a woman clearly saying she is being hit on buy a guy or guys and they are not taking no for an answer and here you are (a man) saying well you’re not being clear. Every single woman reading this knew exactly what OP was saying. And yet you did not.
butter-cream-cat@reddit
bruh - what do you think this sub is for.