Do you ever replay a moment and wish you’d acted differently?

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LighteningUK@reddit

I call it “Regret Tourettes”, whilst in the middle of doing something mundane I find myself just randomly swearing from flash backs to moments I should have handled differently

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DrMoneybeard@reddit

I have a sort of groan/ grunt that I do when these thoughts cross my mind. I didn’t even realize I did it until someone asked me why I made that noise.

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Ok_Monitor_7897@reddit

I have to do an 'etch a sketch' shake to get rid.

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dinoduckasaur@reddit

I just say "thanks brain, but not now" and try to move on.

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Maleficent-House-567@reddit

Regret Tourette’s is going straight in my vocab. Could not have put it better.

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Is this a thing?! I have the same thing that happens a few times a week that’s sort of a quick head jerk and a cringe wincing face (about 1 second long), thinking about some of the dumbest and sometimes heart breaking mistakes I’ve made.

Regret Tourette’s 😂🥹

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perishingtardis@reddit

I slam my fists on my desk.

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roses_and_tulips@reddit

I live by myself and will just say FUCK out loud at random times throughout the day when those thoughts cross my mind. I only found out recently other people do this as well but for a while was genuinely worried I was developing something.

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hewhoisgay@reddit

This is so relatable

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Party-Werewolf-4888@reddit

Regret tourettes is the perfect title for it

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_oOo_iIi_@reddit

I do exactly this. Mostly in my head but ccasionally I say it too loudly.

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Sloth_Broth@reddit

Doing this just shows you have empathy and are constantly growing and developing

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Beginning-Poet-2991@reddit

She’d have probably just said ‘i’m fine’ and that would be it. I’m a woman and I often ask people if they’re okay when they’re crying and they just want to be left alone to be honest. Don’t sweat it.

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majestic_spiral@reddit

The few times I’ve asked someone if they were ok, I did get an appreciative reply in a ‘thank you for noticing but I’ll be ok’ but one time I was queuing outside Waterstones for a meet and greet with Bruce dickinson, and spotted a young woman walking down the central divide bawling her eyes out.

I left the queue and ran up to her to ask if she was ok, she nodded but was too upset to speak, so I just hugged her. It was a few seconds, in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. One of the busiest streets in London but she looked so alone, I hope that hug stopped her from going home to do something stupid. I think about her a lot.

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crickety-crack@reddit

A lad I knew through uni friends took his own life when he was 28.

He was always smiling, always the guy who was unintentionally hilarious and a super great guy to be around. I didn't know him as well as I could have, and I wish I had engaged with him more at the time.

I had also been through my own battles with depression and at the time I knew him, I was silently going through it. I had moved away from the area at one point and my mental health got better.

I found out he'd passed away when his profile came up as a suggested friend on Instagram. I was like, "oh man! It's been maybe a year since we spoke, wonder how he's doing..." then I saw his mam had tagged him in a photo.. his gravestone. Really gutted to hear about such a wonderful bloke. 4 years last month for him. RIP, Luke x

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Fine_Analyst_4408@reddit

A grim one, but I wish I had taken a photo of my stillborn niece when she was just born and removed from the room. She didn't look like she had passed, she looked like a perfect sleeping baby covered in birth gunk. I thought it would be distasteful and didn't want to risk upsetting my sister further, so I didn't. By the time my sister was ready to hold her, she was clearly deceased and it was incredibly distressing to see. Honestly she looked like a baby zombie and I feel so guilty for thinking that. The pictures that were taken were after this point and they are displayed in my sisters and parents home to remember her. If I had taken the picture when I had the chance, they could have had a picture where she looked perfect for the last time.

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Hara2412@reddit

If I were to comfort you, there is a possibility that she may not have wanted you to stop and ask if she's ok.

I often cry at random streets while walking and in public transports. I don't want anyone to come up to me and ask if I'm ok. I cry about random sad things that happened in my life at random times. I just get relief from crying. All the time I've cried in public, I pretend to look out of the window if I'm in public transport or look at my phone and try my best to keep my eyes closed. I really hope no-one notices me crying and leaves me alone.

Sometimes, I've had people coming up to me and asking me if I'm ok, all I've said is I just have a really bad headache and that I'm fine. I'm not going to take up a stranger's time to talk about my random melancholy which I myself haven't figured out.

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themissing10mm@reddit

Just one?

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Purple-Oil-9985@reddit

The last time I seen my brother alive I rushed the goodbye. I was panicking to get to the airport after a short weekend at home, literally said ‘see you later’ and can’t remember if I hugged him. I genuinely can’t remember if I hugged him, I think my brain is trying to protect me from the memory because I didn’t.

I revisit that memory so much. I wish I hugged him so fuckin hard, kissed his cheek, told him how much I loved him, took in every detail of his face. I miss him so fuckin much.

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90sRobot@reddit

Its not the same thing at all, but, my dad was sedated at the end of his life and i was on the otherside of the world. I got a FaceTime call before the drugs kicked in, to say goodbye, but all I could do ia sob and say "im sorry". I wish I had said much more.

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Relative-Tea3944@reddit

He knew.

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Purple-Oil-9985@reddit

Thank u x

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ElenaElena85@reddit

Yes, all the time 😫

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Tattycakes@reddit

I don’t think a human on this planet doesn’t, tbh

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Toc-H-Lamp@reddit

I was going to say the same thing, but then I’d probably come back and edit it later as I thought better of it.

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anabsentfriend@reddit

At 55 I now have a nice collection of these that regularly pop up to retraumatise me at inoppprtune moments.

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baddymcbadface@reddit

I used to.

Stoicism is great for this.

What's the benefit? The lesson?

Ok. Learn the lesson. Take the benefit. Now what's the benefit? What's the logic in harming yourself mentally and repeatedly? Nothing. So move on.

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ResplendentBear@reddit

My life is a collection of moments where I wish I'd acted differently.

(Not that a lot of things in my life haven't turned out well).

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MaleFeministActuary@reddit

I was walking around my hometown one evening and I saw the mum of a friend from my primary school. She always seemed to dislike me and would make slightly rude comments, but nothing so rude that I could challenge it or ask her why she is keeps doing it. Her son was one of the nicest people I've met.

Her family was quite well off and she was a bit of a snob and yet she seemed disoriented and was walking towards the poorer part of town late, just as it was getting dark. It was one of these typical housing estates where are is a local off-license, houses and nothing else, no reason to go there.

The next day I found out she had killed herself due to long standing mental health issues.

I wish I had put my feelings about her rudeness to me aside and asked her if she's alright and what she's up to.

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redseaaquamarine@reddit

Sorry to read this. It's a tough one to be haunted by. I can imagine that every time someone succeeds in this, there are a number of people who saw them at some point leading up to it and regret not stopping, but she probably wasn't thinking clearly and may not have engaged with you properly since she does sound as though she was quite unsound. I would imagine that there would have been professionals involved who should have done more, and the system is what is at fault. Have you spoken to the son since? It may be worth reconnecting and seeing if he is handling it

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MaleFeministActuary@reddit

I don't really believe in systems, but I appreciate your intent.

I've not and it had been too long for me to suddenly message, it just seems wrong. I am also aware of the irony that I didn't act when I saw the guy's mum, and I am still choosing not to act by not reaching out. Would definitely have a chat if I saw him in the street.

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DifferentWave@reddit

About 20 years ago a colleague in a different department to me lost his partner suddenly, and young. It was very traumatic, and he was left with young kids. I didn’t have a particular relationship with him but it was a smaller workplace and we’d often be in the same space or crossing paths briefly.

Shortly after he came back to work we passed each other on the stairs and said hello as we usually would. I could see in his face he was expecting me to say something about his loss but I said nothing and carried on as if nothing had happened. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. I’ve never forgotten that I did that, and after I had a major bereavement last year I’ve wished I could go back and apologise to him.

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MrPatch@reddit

I'm never sure if the person I barely know wants me bringing it up after however long.

For me I don't want randos saying to me 'sorry for your loss' or what ever the English equivalent is, like this is my thing you aren't part of you don't know me, don't insert yourself into my life like that.

I do realise I'm unusual in this but I find it really hard to understand that a colleague I barely know really wants to hear how sorry I am about their relative I've never met when I barely know them.

I really hate it, I do genuinely feel sorry for their pain and loss but I wouldn't want them saying it to me, they won't want me to say it to them?

Almost the worse part of losing my father was for weeks people I've basically never spoken too coming and telling me they were sorry and then dropping a little tidbit they thought was relevant.

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DifferentWave@reddit

I do realise I'm unusual in this but I find it really hard to understand that a colleague I barely know really wants to hear how sorry I am about their relative I've never met when I barely know them.

I get it, the social niceties rarely make logical sense when we spell them out like that. It’s such a personal thing. I think for me it was the fact that someone acknowledged I’d lost my person, and it hurts when they don’t. For weeks after my bereavement I felt I had to stop myself running out into the street to tell people what had happened- I’d told all the people who needed to know but I hadn’t yet finished telling the story over and over.

In the situation I described though, he expected me to say something. He paused and there was a beat where something should’ve been said but I just carried on.

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oscarx-ray@reddit

On holiday at Disney when I was around six years old, a performer tried to get me to aid them in a plate-spinning show. I was too nervous and rebuffed the offer. My big brother did it fine and I hate everything about it, because I'm way more coordinated than him, and could have nailed it.

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Future-Exercise-7433@reddit

And then you could have grown up to get a full spinning scholarship to a top crockery school

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oscarx-ray@reddit

I know you're being facetious and this is a silly thing, but it genuinely makes me feel bad, so I struggle to laugh about it. Someone, when I was prone on the ground, kicked me so hard in the head that I got brain damage, and the plate thing at Disney is still the most hurtful thing that's happened to me. I've been stabbed! 😅

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oscarx-ray@reddit

(The stabbing caught me in the hip bone, so it was fine)

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Future-Exercise-7433@reddit

We have a different definition of fine but I'm still glad!

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oscarx-ray@reddit

Fair, but I'm a 6' 6", 15 stone rugby player who's used to getting a bit of a kicking and not losing a scrap, so a minor wound or injury doesn't phase me. Shit-feart of heights though. Please don't ask me to climb a ladder. I'd rather be stabbed.

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Future-Exercise-7433@reddit

I'm sorry! I wasn't laughing at you, I just thought you were presenting it as a silly/light moment and I was joining in.

I do think you need to take up plate spinning now though. It's the only way to heal.

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oscarx-ray@reddit

Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad! I just meant that it was legit a thing that upset me and I'm not exaggerating it.

I'm a happily-married adult man, with a stable government job and a mortgage. I'm doing ok. Sorry pal 👌❤️

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Future-Exercise-7433@reddit

That's good to hear! Crockery school isn't all is cracked up to be anyway

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pr3tzelbr3ad@reddit

Ugh this reminds me of mine. On holiday with my dad, I was playing at a park with my brother and the Diggit bus pulled up (IYKYK.) A producer came out and asked if we’d like to be on the show today, told us to bring her to our parents who were just across the way. Instead of saying yes and getting to live my dream, I suddenly started saying “no no, stranger danger! Stranger danger!” Even though they kept telling us that they were going to speak to our parents first. Later saw all these kids having fun and could barely watch the show again

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oscarx-ray@reddit

Are you on the spectrum as well? Mine was based on demanding attention but only on my own terms, yours sounds more like a focus on a thing that you were told to do (rebuff strangers) and a natural instinct against that kind of attention that you hadn't chosen for yourself.

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pr3tzelbr3ad@reddit

I’ve never been diagnosed as autistic but I definitely do have some of the traits and this is very insightful!

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oscarx-ray@reddit

I'm not a psychiatrist by any stretch of the imagination, but strictly following instructions to a literal extent and not taking social cues or interactions the way what "normal" people do are solid indicators - I'm not autistic, I'm ok with the social stuff, but my ADHD causes me a lot of similar issues.

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oscarx-ray@reddit

Genuinely haunts me 30+ years later that I chickened out.

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Daffodils28@reddit

It’s good you gave him the opportunity to shine. ✨

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BeingOtherwise7829@reddit

I had a similar experience where I was at the parade in Disneyland Paris in the late 90s (was about 5/6 years old) and they invited me to dance in the parade with them and I was too shy and refused (my mum got it on video camera too lol).

I regret it now, it would have been so cute to look back on that video!

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oscarx-ray@reddit

I wasn't a shy child, I was just riddled with undiagnosed ADHD as a wean and DEMANDED attention on my own terms, but hated it when it was thrust upon me - still do as I rapidly approach 40.

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Alert_Ad_5750@reddit

As long as you learn from regret, it gives you something to use in future. That’s not a bad thing, when the moment matters and it’s meant for you, you’ll show up in a way you may otherwise not have done. Those moments are an opportunity for building on yourself, it’s not for nothing.

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Future-Exercise-7433@reddit

Sone of you never learned to repress effectively and it shows. Smh

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NobDeRiro@reddit

I think my entire life is just an endless moment I wish I’d acted differently

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Kaballis@reddit

I used to cycle to work via the grand union canal. One early morning, I rode past a guy who was just laying on the bank, his fingers were contorted and he looked very skinny so I just assumed he was a junkie who just took a hit, I was cycling quite fast so didn’t think too much of it. It occurred to me further down that the person may have been dead. I hadn’t thought about it in a while until this post, I should’ve stopped to check.

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Nathanial1289@reddit

Constantly. I've been a frankly mean to so many people. Worse one that stands out was a friend that got a new job that paid more than me. She wasn't your stereotypical good worker. For example, the job I referred her to she would constantly be late, get warnings and eventually was fired.

Ended up getting this job and I basically went on a minute rant saying along the lines of "how could someone like you get that kind of job?".

I had no shame. It was so bad an older colleague overheard me (I was on the phone to her) , pulled me to the side and told me I shouldn't speak to her like that. I felt so bad I remember giving her £200.

Haunts me to this day, and that happened 12 years ago. I've been rude to other people and every day I think that's probably the reason I have no friends or people deep down despise me.

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beeurd@reddit

I have ADHD, so yeah I do that all the time. 🫠

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Any_Preference_4147@reddit

I feel you bud. I want the ground to swallow me up at least once a week.

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Fist-sized-river-roc@reddit

No never - that's not a thing humans or normal people do at all! There must be something wrong with you /s 🙄

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Plenty_Suspect_3446@reddit

All the time but it's usually more consequential events than seeing a down and out in London.

I don't mean that to be cruel but London is a difficult place and that memory probably wouldn't stand out to me.

For me its moments of lost love. Lost long term friendships. Parting moments with those who died unexpectedly after. That sort of thing that really weighs heavily.

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steadvex@reddit

Too much!

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batch2957@reddit

What do you think everyone is doing when they’re daydreaming?

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WhatsThePlanPhil95@reddit

Oh, all the time. Like on Monday I went to my new dentist with a free appointment (UC), only to find he's freakin HOT and ugh had I known that I'd have a got a job and then seen him

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Scotster123@reddit

Absolutely.

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Anguskerfluffle@reddit

you were probably never going to be the hero in this story - its ok to be at peace about that

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Pleasant_Werewolf_30@reddit

I do constantly, I can sometimes get a bit obsessed by it. But 1 positive thing it does do is drive positive change. Because I bet when you next experience a similar scenario you will act differently and that will make you proud of yourself and help you to move past those previous regrets.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Yeah it's totally normal to have regrets, we all mess up, the most important thing is not to dwell on it, and be a better person.

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frankchester@reddit

Is this not what everyone does every single night moments before they go to sleep?

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ArtichokeDesperate68@reddit

Too often

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Spadders87@reddit

Yeh I accidentally laughed in a girls face when she proper stacked trying to jump over a 1ft high railing.

Went over to help her up and everything when my mate burst out laughing just as I held my hand out for her to grab to help her up. It sent me and I just ended up bursting out laughing in her face practically pointing at her, all close up too! In hindsight I’d be just helped her up and looked all chivalrous. I think about it quite a lot.

O and helping a dude who’s mobility scooter ran out of battery when he lived ‘just around the corner’. Dude was a Jehovah’s Witness and I pushed his scooter for an hour and a half! Definitely had the big man on his side for him that day.

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AggravatingPumpkin72@reddit

Yes, there's one moment that haunts me years later.

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