My childhood home smells like old people now
Posted by TheAngryLala@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 83 comments
Decided to surprise my folks (grandma 89, aunt 79 [not grandmas daughter], and aunt 68) with a visit this weekend. It’s been 7 years since I saw them last. While I had been mentally preparing myself to accept health changes, advanced age, and my grandmother’s slowly advancing dementia… I was not prepared for the condition of their home.
They used to be so fastidious. Clean freaks. No clutter. Everything in its place. House always smelled like lemon pledge and laundry detergent.
Now there’s a weirdly thick odor that I can only describe as “old people smell.” It’s instantly recognizable while simultaneously indescribable.
There’s Amazon boxes everywhere. Half built pieces of mail order furniture and knickknacks. An overabundance of blankets and throw pillows have taken over the living room. My grandmothers bedroom has no less than 5 chairs of all different styles haphazardly placed in it. Clothing racks have suddenly appeared in their rooms to accommodate an obvious overflow from their closets. There’s four clocks in the living room two of which are still in their boxes. The dining room table can’t be used to eat due to clutter overflow. Walls are stained. Carpet looks like there’s an army of children with muddy shoes running laps for fun. The garage has 5 shovels and more garden tools than they’ll ever use/need.
What the hell happened?! These are the same people that raised me to clean as I go. To pick up after myself. To do a weekly whole house once over. To not horde useless junk. To want my living to be presentable if we ever had surprise guests. To be proud of my home and take care of it.
I know it’s not my fault they live like this now but I can’t help but feel guilty that I can’t be around to help them more. (I moved across the country 15 years ago, and moved “closer” a little over a year ago, but closer is still a 9 hour drive away) I’m spending all of today cleaning and fixing things they can’t fix themselves. My soul hurts so bad. I was not emotionally ready to see them this way.
sunfish99@reddit
"Old people smell" is a real thing. It's a chemical called nonenal that's produced by older people's skin, and has to do with the breakdown of fatty acids on the skin's surface.
The smell can get stronger when older folks don't bathe as often (often out of fear of slipping in the tub), or wear the same clothes repeatedly. Then the smell can also start to permeate upholstery, etc. so that it's just a miasma when you walk into their living space. If there's also a urinary incontinence issue, that will add to the odor.
Your grandmother and aunts can't handle the level of home and personal maintenance they used to keep. It's time for them to get some help. Firstly, their home needs a deep cleaning, followed by routine maintenance (once every couple of weeks?). But they also need a home aide, someone who can help them with bathing a couple times a week and keeping up with laundry.
Also, believe it or not, using persimmon soap for bathing can help with this. Mirai makes a whole line of soaps, wipes and shampoos that you can find on Amazon.
It's hard to see elders slipping like this (speaking from experience here), but maybe you can help them get back on track? It'll likely be embarrassing to them to hear that they "stink,", but if you frame it as a part of aging and a health issue maybe they'll be more open to making a few changes at home. Best of luck!
lubbockin@reddit
My dad stinks, never washes, pretends he doesn't care or doesn't care. It's embarrassing but he refuses to address or admit it.
Raynet11@reddit
My grandparents house smelled like coffee, fried food, smoke ... pure nostalgia on so many levels... damn grandma could cook although I don't have any memories of her eating only black coffee and Winstons.. They also always had those long bottles of pop in the fridge, ice cold ....
Intelligent-Sun-7973@reddit
You havent visited your parents in seven years? How much housework do you think a 89 year old can do? Who is caring for these people???????
FowlTemptress@reddit
They aren’t OP’s parents; the post said it’s grandma and two aunts.
Intelligent-Sun-7973@reddit
OP also says they are the people who raised him.
FowlTemptress@reddit
I missed that, yeah that’s awful.
Neener216@reddit
The drop in energy level is unreal, and if you're not conscious of it, it's extremely easy to get overwhelmed by things in a very short time.
Is there any way you could maybe bear the cost of having someone come in to do a bit of cleaning on a regular basis? Even once a month would be a help, especially to manage the bigger jobs (kitchen, bathrooms, etc.).
As for the smell, we secrete these Omega Y fatty acids that are impossible to remove with regular soap. As we age, the smell of that fatty acid is more prominent. It usually collects in places like armpits, groin, and feet, but the reason you smell it so prominently on older people is because it also collects behind our ears.
The solution is persimmon soap. You can buy it on Amazon. When I was caring for my father, one of his biggest fears was that he'd start to smell like an old person, so I did a bit of research and discovered it's called "nonenal odor". The persimmon soap is the only thing I've ever found that can actually remove the fatty acids from the skin and along with them, that nasty, musty smell. Now I use it in the shower as well, JUST IN CASE :)
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
I will 100% look into persimmon soaps and suggest it to them. I don’t know about them accepting a stranger coming to help with cleaning but I will try broaching the subject.
Playful_Beyond_2218@reddit
If possible get the cleaner to come while you are visiting , so you can vet them and also this will help them be accepted . Make sure the valuables are locked away safely just in case, and i would suggest a door camera too
1043b@reddit
When my parents needed help, it made a huge difference when I included that they would also be doing it to help me. Having household help took a burden off of my shoulders for when I came to stay and worry for when I was away.
When I came to stay with them long term to care for my mother, we kept the housekeeping service every other week as her direct care was just so overwhelming.
Your family sounds like at least weekly help would be good. When help comes more often they can even asist with some of those projects
Trolkarlen@reddit
I didn't hate the smell of my grandparents. They were blue collar workers who worked hard. Their body odors were not offensive, but more comforting like the smell of home. It's weird to expect old people to smell like baby powder. As long as it's not dirty diapers or excessive sweat, then we shouldn't be shaming them.
minionofjoy@reddit
Cannabis doesn't "reek" from blocks away. Dramatic much?
TimelyExternal5769@reddit
Yes, it absolutely does. It can be strong enough to smell when driving by a house, or from inside a car next to you when stopped in traffic, with your windows rolled up.
You may be less able to smell it than some people.
elphaba00@reddit
A neighbor who lives diagonally from me grows his own in his backyard. You can see it over the fence he built to hide it. And the smell blankets the neighborhood. I feel especially bad for my neighbor who has a hair salon at the back of her house. (I should also add that she was there first.) Whenever I go in, there is always just this slightest hint of weed.
Trolkarlen@reddit
Then why can I smell people smoking from a block away?
I didn't know sharing experience was "dramatic".
And who still uses "much" as an insult???
minionofjoy@reddit
I don't smoke
Neener216@reddit
Not sure what your issue is, friend, because an unpleasant odor is an unpleasant odor, and not some badge of honor you should endure with pride.
As we age, our sense of smell diminishes, and between that and the kind of "nose blindness" you develop to the scents you live with, something like nonenal odor can quickly take over a whole house for no good reason.
There's an easy solution to the problem. Use the right soap and you don't have to reek of rancid fatty acids.
Apprehensive-Log8333@reddit
I have started using persimmon soap too. I'm only 56 but better safe than sorry
StopLookListenDecide@reddit
Me looking it up because now I am scared now
minionofjoy@reddit
Same!!!
ZweitenMal@reddit
I noticed I was getting that smell so I bought the persimmon soap. I use it about once a week and that does the trick.
RedditWidow@reddit
I'm only in my 50s and I don't have the energy or physical ability that I used to. If my husband or I get sick, have a medical procedure, pull a back muscle or something, things get overwhelming very fast. Combine that with cognitive decline and a lack of friends or relatives to assist, and a house can become a mess real fast. The spirit may be willing but the flesh is weak, as the old saying goes. I've already started downsizing, clearing things out and simplifying my life, the "death cleaning" as they call it in Sweden, so I have less to deal with as I age.
SchoolForSedition@reddit
Death cleaning is great but doesn’t mean death is imminent and you can turn your toes up now.
I’m much older than you. Just moved. The young man with a van asked do I do lots of sport because I am stronger than most men. I go to work in a pushbike but when I get there it’s proofreading. 50, 55 you’re a spring chicken.
RedditWidow@reddit
When did I say death was imminent or that I was turning up my toes? I'm clearing things out now while I still have the ability to do so, assuming I won't at some point down the line because I know my health better than you do, random person on the internet.
Goody for you that you're stronger than most men. What does that have to do with anything? If you're so much older than me, then why the heck are you even on a Gen X subreddit? The upper end of Gen X is around 61, which would only be a few years older than me. Go brag to your fellow Boomers.
SchoolForSedition@reddit
Did you say that? I don’t think so.
And oh dear, so sorry to tread on your super able toes. I actually thought it was just funny. I am shortish and fattish and to hear that from a very slim zen young man was totally unexpected.
Maybe when you are 62 and being policed out of this thread by whipper-snappers you will think so too. I do wish you the speedy arrival of a sense of humour.
KrofftSurvivor@reddit
It sounds more like they are becoming incapable of caring for themselves, and that's something you should definitely address.
EveryMemory41@reddit
This is what happens when old people refuse to hire a cleaner, organizer or other in-home care service providers.
IKnowAllSeven@reddit
Geezus man, can you really not understand what happened?
Things get harder to do as people get into those years, just everything is harder. There is physical and cognitive decline. They need help at this stage, and lots of it.
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
My neighbor is 87. She mows her lawn. Gardens. Her house is immaculate. No one helps her.
It’s reasonable to be shocked when people who were strong and willful suddenly change since you last saw them.
Until yesterday I would tell people that my grandma could probably still kick ass.
So yeah. I’m surprised. Don’t like it? Too bad.
WinterMedical@reddit
Your 87 year old neighbor is the exception not the rule.
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
Although when we had our last storm in PA I definitely helped her.
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
That’s fair. She’s amazing and watching her gives me hope.
Curiousferrets@reddit
It must have been a shock to see the decline. I think you need to forgive yourself your absence in order to deal with the situation. Best wishes.
IKnowAllSeven@reddit
Things change in a blink at that age. You haven’t seen them in seven years to boot.
It’s always tough to watch your loved ones decline. I hope you are able to get them assistance. It’s not going to get better on its own.
Ilovemytowm@reddit
I'm confused by this question too... especially since this person is in the house and sees them... yes they got old they need help. This happens to everyone and will happen to the person writing this as well.
When this happens they require more visits and help and that's the bottom line... wondering what went wrong is just a waste of time really
Odd_Yogurtcloset_649@reddit
Your situation sounds much like my old high school friend and classmate's parents home. She and I are the same age (1973, age 53). She lives over 300 miles away and only goes there every Thanksgiving or Christmas since she moved out for good in 1997, so I can't imagine what its like for her to be inside there in recent years. Her father is 97, and her mother is 89 and both are trying to age in place. I recently went by their house and from what I can tell from the outside the upkeep has been minimal. I noticed the paint on their house was starting to peel. The two cars they own that's parked in their driveway appears to have been rarely used and both models are over 20 years old. I can't imagine what's its like inside her childhood home right now. I know she has an older sister who lives in a neighboring town, so I can safely presume she is looking after them fairly frequently while taking care of her own family. But it was heartbreaking for me to see their house in that state with my very own eyes, and I feel for my friend.
GoFuckYourselfDebbie@reddit
What’s the point of this picture?
Boom_Gate_Lady@reddit
It looks perfect so I'm not sure what you mean. There might be some peeled paint on close inspection, but that's the case for almost every weatherboard house.
Odd_Yogurtcloset_649@reddit
The pict I have shown is actually a few years old before the paint started peeling. The car on the left, when I personally seen it is sunbleached which means it rarely leaves that spot... the license plate was actually warping out of shape. I'm sure my friend's sister hired some contractors for the lawn and shrubs.
Cinisajoy2@reddit
Oh so you decide to surprise them after 7 years and have the audacity to whine and complain online.
CreativeBusiness6588@reddit
She isn't complaining, she is facing the heartbreaking reality of aging and change.
Ok_Industry3016@reddit
LMAO! I hate that smell, drives me crazy.
RaccoonHaunting9638@reddit
I know it was shock, but their older, except your aunt who is 67, she's not super old. But, they have each other, that must be much more important. I think lot of older people get lonely, they are 3 women sharing a home. Ok, so now you know they need help cleaning the house. That's ok! Now you know, no guilt. When my grandpa was alive we all lived together, he had an inlaw, he was happy, he enjoyed my daughter so much. I did clean his inlaw , didn't even give it a second thought, I loved him .
jzoola@reddit
Persimmon soap
Questoeperme@reddit
THIS. Targets "old people" smell.
Unusual_Memory3133@reddit
The more likely culprit is the lack of cleanliness - lack of house cleaning, not washing clothes and blankets/bedding is a huge factor in what people call “old people smell”. Yes, there are biological changes but if body and environment are kept clean that is usually not an overwhelming funk. Suddenly persimmon soap is the cure all - brought to you by the makers of persimmon soap, no doubt.
bone_creek@reddit
Persimmon soap can cause very unpleasant allergic reactions, too.
Sea_Brush4156@reddit
Sounds like they need your help.
Reasonable_Kick_2054@reddit
At those ages they may be struggling to keep up with cleaning and possibly hygiene. Maybe they need in home help. Not saying you specifically but they may not even be able to find themselves help. And sorry but at those ages for some seven years can be a drastic change in health and ability, so was probably worse than you expected.
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
It was worse than I expected. I know they need help and I’m trying to do what I can and make suggestions for help after I head back home.
Low-Sandwich-7389@reddit
I was long distance for over a decade before I moved back to the home town. I had not been prepared for the changes in my parents. It happens and they don’t usually ask for help. But at least now you can assess the situation and what they need and what they are willing to accept and change. Things probably got away from them and one bad cold or flu at that age takes more and more energy from us. Good luck.
Reasonable_Kick_2054@reddit
I’m so sorry that can be so hard. But it sounds like you really care. And it’s hard to help when you don’t live local. I’m glad they have you in their corner. Make sure to take care of yourself also through all of this. It’s so hard to watch our elders age and help while we are actively aging too.
AnnOnnamis@reddit
Yes old people smell is real. Normal fatty acids break down faster in old people into a compound called 2-noneal.
Swap out all their soap and shampoo for persimmon and noneal odor eliminators.
Zero odor laundry detergent while you’re at it. Spray all the fabric furniture for good measure.
Curiousferrets@reddit
No, don't do any of that without asking! They may not want it. If either of them have capacity to make decisions it is very important to talk to that person and then if they want stuff doing, help. If you came into my house with that attitude I'd hit you with my stick!
Cinisajoy2@reddit
Don't be touching old people's soap. There may be a reason for it. Also congratulations, now grandma has a heck of a rash. Because some youngster can't handle the smell.
You start bringing your smelly crap into my house. You will be shown the door. And if you come back, you will be searched and the crap thrown in the trash.
Some of us have allergies. Your precious nose does not outrank allergies or anything else.
Not your house, not your business.
AnnOnnamis@reddit
This comment was about OP’s family. Did someone hurt you?
Cinisajoy2@reddit
No, but my grandmother had skin sensitivities and she knew what she could use. So do I. So don't go replacing others cleaning products if you don't know what they can use.
Cinisajoy2@reddit
Do they want help? Do they eat at the dining room table? Do they have other family that visits? I get the clothes racks. Maybe they have trouble opening the closet doors. Closet doors also get old and cranky.
Cinisajoy2@reddit
OP, whatever you do. Do not go changing their cleaning stuff. Well unless you want grandma to be itchy and red and have extra medical bills. The smell is not your concern.
They know what they like. Sorry you can't handle the smell of literally old people shit. Shits and farts can leave a slight odor.
RespondOpposite@reddit
Be serious. They are old and need help. What’s wrong with you?
WinnerTurbulent3262@reddit
Imagine being surprised after not seeing an octogenarian for seven years.
Cmon, Gen Xer.
too-muchfrosting@reddit
What's wrong with YOU? OP lives far away, and is helping now.
MaximumJones@reddit
FelinusFanaticus@reddit
I remember when my aunts house went from lived in and smelling like bacon, coffee and fresh laundry to a thick, dank smell with an overlaying of cat piss. Magazines and trash scattered throughout with dishes never washed. Turns out she had Alzheimers. She could no longer keep up and even with my cousin and myself doing what we could on weekends and a housekeeper coming in once a week she still struggled. Mental and physical decline do that to people, unfortunately.
ntyperteasy@reddit
Roll in some depression and you’ve got an awful situation!
lovebeinganasshole@reddit
It’s the same thing that happens to us all. My mom asked me a couple of months ago to help her paint she reminded me I had spackled and painted her whole living room. I had to remind her that was 10 years ago I don’t have it like that anymore. I struggle to keep up with my own home projects and work a full time job.
Clamper5978@reddit
Get it under control now, or you will regret it later. Whether it’s you, or hired help, you need to get this handled or you will end up with a house full of piles of clutter and people in it with even worse conditions than now. Me and the wife are having this conversation. She’ll be 60 next week, and I’m 57 with sudden onset PsA that has made my hands almost unusable for moderate to heavy tasks. Opening a door is tough. We’re going to downsize and start giving things away to family and friends. My guitar and amp collection is first to go sadly. But I don’t want us to be the topic of this post in Gen Z
Coyote_Secret@reddit
Are there any other relatives around that can help them? 7 years is a long time not to see them?
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
I wish there was but we have a very very small family. I was raised by them because my dad (grandmas son, and aunts brother) is a deadbeat. They basically have themselves and me.
Ilovemytowm@reddit
Okay then you're just going to have to make more time for them yes that's a very long drive but not having time in 7 years to go out to see them you're going to regret that one day trust me on this.... I speak from experience and my regrets sometimes cause the worst nightmares and pain. Make the time
Dry_Tap_169@reddit
So sorry. It is hard to see our loved ones go downhill and see the physical change. This happened with my elderly widower dad. I live a 12 hour drive away and he was so crotchety and refused a housekeeper. I feel this so much!
Lower_Group_1171@reddit
it’s because you smell like an old person
calpianwishes@reddit
What if you have parents that refuse help but get upset when you don’t help?
IM_The_Liquor@reddit
In my dad was like that. I kept having to tell him ‘shut up, sit down, grab a beer and let me fix it’.
Calm-Refrigerator463@reddit
Any of them on medicade? They could get a helper for 2 hours a day for free.
Big-Plant240@reddit
Mine smells like old people and is 90 degrees. If I take initiative and start to clean or look for stained clothing to wash they get insulted and it ends in a fight. They don’t want or need my help apparently. Can only do so much.
Apprehensive-Log8333@reddit
When my grandparents were still alive, Christmas was always at their house, and they kept it at 85 degrees. None of us had Christmas sweaters, we had Christmas t-shirts. Everybody walking around in shorts when it's 40 degrees outside.
Still, I miss them so much, I wish I could spend another tropical Christmas with them
TheAngryLala@reddit (OP)
The temperature thing is insane. They keep their heat at 78°. I was sweating just sitting on the couch talking and catching up with them.
kookiemaster@reddit
It's likely cognitive decline. Harder to complete multi step tasks, plann, and organize or to focus on something for a length of time. My own parents basically behave like someone with adhd bit without remembering what they just did because short term memory goes first.
When we moved them out while the house still appeared clean, there was hidden grime everywhere and the carpets were disgusting basically because they never changed filters and could no longer understand how the carpet cleaner worked.
The old people smell (not dirt and grime) is real and has a medical explanation: Old person smell - Wikipedia https://share.google/gqllSjlNWLksZ7JcA
Diela1968@reddit
I forget what it’s called, but there is a substance that old people give off that’s slightly fatty so it can cling to just about anything. The only real thing that gets it out of clothes is a persimmon soap. Not sure if there’s something for other surfaces, but I bet if you google “old people smell persimmon” you’ll get some suggestions for products.
gmgvt@reddit
My mom's house (about an hour's drive from where I now live) is like this, too, including the old-people smell -- though in her case she was never the tidy/organized one, it was always my dad, so when he died there was slack left that she couldn't pick up. I will say one thing, be grateful that they are OK with you cleaning and fixing things. My mom is a very frustrating combo of stubborn and avoidant, so whenever I offer, the answer is almost always "oh no, that's fine, let's just visit." I've actually had to resort to going to the house when I know she won't be there to tackle the most egregious stuff, in particular her garage which is a depository for anything she doesn't know what to do with/how to get rid of. (She will get home, find me there, be happy of course to find me there but initially act like she doesn't notice anything has been cleaned, and then eventually say oh thanks, that really does look better, doesn't it?)
Head_Trick_9932@reddit
My parents are 77 and 82 and have a cleaner come twice a month and it still smells like old people. Their house is never messy as my mom is particular so I’m not sure it has anything to do with filth, just old. I’m going through menopause and some smells are like ugh. That’s a different story for a different day though lol.