Is it hard to make friends with “broken English”?
Posted by littleM-lily@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 33 comments
Hi, I’m currently living in the U.S. because of my husband’s job.
I’m still learning English. I studied it in Japan mostly by memorizing, so I get nervous when I speak and often make grammar mistakes. I can understand basic conversations, but I sometimes miss details or nuances.
My daughter and I are both very friendly, and we enjoy talking with native speakers. She is doing well at school and in her club, and she has made kind friends.
Through her, I’ve also met some American moms. They are kind and try to understand my English, so I can enjoy simple conversations with them.
Recently, my daughter has been aiming higher in her club team, and I feel I need to build closer relationships with other moms.
I will keep studying, but I know I won’t become fluent quickly. So I try to speak in my own words instead of using a translator, even if my English isn’t perfect.
My question is:
Is it hard to build friendships with someone like me who speaks “broken English”?
If I keep trying and improving little by little, would people still want to be friends?
Also, I used a translation app to write this post, so my actual English level is not this high.
Beneficial-Koala-670@reddit
No, you're fine. English is easy to understand frankly we encounter lots of people that speak broken English. People can talk all the shit they want about Americans, but we don't throw out what you're saying just because you don't have our accent.
uzibunny@reddit
The UK has many dialects too... What are you talking about? Scottish, Welsh, Northern Irish are all distinct dialects, not to mention the fact that regional accents change every 50 miles and there are hundreds of those. The UK is also a highly multicultural society with huge numbers of non native speakers. It is mandatory to receive anti-discrimination training for any job. You clearly know nothing about the UK. We are far less rscist than Americans (who voted in Trump as a president).
Beneficial-Koala-670@reddit
What are you talking about? All I said is the UK has more formal English. That's it. I don't need your dissertation.
uzibunny@reddit
"less formal English" what does that even mean? You think we all speak like the queen in the UK? Speak to a working class Geordie or Scouser and tell me if that's formal
Beneficial-Koala-670@reddit
You're taking this way to personal. Get a grip. I passively mentioned the UK.
realmozzarella22@reddit
In the western world, it’s ok to make mistakes in conversations. Asians may get very self conscientious about making mistakes. That can hold you back from trying.
It can be a little embarrassing to make mistakes but westerners are ok with it. The goal is to communicate so they understand that some things may not be said correctly.
For tips on getting better, it may be helpful to practice on some full sentences. Concentrate on common things that you want to say. Even if you don’t say it perfectly, they can usually understand what you are trying to do.
ahnotme@reddit
You don’t want to be friends with people who won’t allow for your honest attempts to learn the language anyway.
littleM-lily@reddit (OP)
Thank you everyone for your kind comments! There were more comments than I expected, so I might not be able to reply to each one individually.
A lot of people mentioned accent, but my issue isn’t really my accent. When I try to speak longer, my sentence structure gets mixed up, and sometimes I choose the wrong words and end up meaning something different from what I intended. Because of that, I often make the other person guess what I mean, and I’ve been worried that it might be a burden for them.
When I listen to others, I sometimes notice their accents too, but I always feel it’s great that they can express their thoughts in their own words.
Reading your comments made me feel that it’s not just about accent. If I genuinely want to communicate and keep trying to speak in a way that people can understand, there will be people who are willing to connect with me even if I make mistakes in grammar or word choice.
I also realized that it’s important to create more opportunities to actually speak English, not just study at home, so I’ll try to find more chances outside as well.
I’m proud that many Japanese people are polite and serious, but I also believe that there are rude or discriminatory people in Japan as well, just like in any other country.
Since coming to the U.S., I’ve met many people who have been friendly and kind to me. That made me realize how painful it would be to be treated unfairly, so I want to continue treating people as individuals, regardless of nationality or background.
Thank you again!
Pecncorn1@reddit
Only among the ignorant or monolinguals. Don't let people like this affect you confidence.
BiffJerky09@reddit
I worked with a Vietnamese engineer once who kept apologizing for his English. I asked him how many languages he knew. He said 4: Vietnamese, French, English, and some Spanish. I said I only know one and still screw that one up, so he's fine.
Pecncorn1@reddit
I am fluent enough in two that I understand everything and can deal with any situation. I make gramatical mistakes in my second but have never had anyone take issue with it. The objective is to understand and be understood in any language, I speak a smattering of a few others and peoples faces light up by the simple fact that I try.
Anyone that takes issue is not worth your time.
neelvk@reddit
As someone who has struggled with German in Germany and Italian in Italy, welcome to the club! All these struggles will one day become material to laugh about.
Friends become friends because of shared interests and viewpoints.
johnwalkr@reddit
In general I think English speakers are really tolerant of other accents and mistakes unless they are racist. And few people will be able to switch to Japanese so you’re fortunate in a way that you’re forced to practice.
I lived in Japan for a decade and until you reach a certain level in Japanese anyone with better Japanese than your English will switch to English. It’s polite and very appreciated but it does mean you aren’t forced as much to learn Japanese which has good and bad aspects. And depending on your accent it can be tough, for example a native english or italian speaker will have an easier time with Japanese sounds than a French speaker.
Most people worth talking to won’t correct your mistakes as long as they understand you, so if you’re comfortable, it’s worth asking friendly people if they can point out major or repeated mistakes (but not every mistake as if they are a teacher).
Hofeizai88@reddit
English is not my wife’s first language, and wherever we’ve lived she has made friends. Often she is talking to people who also speak English as a second or third language, so their conversations can be challenging. She’s a friendly, confident woman and people tend to love her
ssinff@reddit
Anyone worth knowing won't care that your English isn't perfect. I would have nothing but respect for you because your English is worlds better than my Japanese.
littleM-lily@reddit (OP)
英語 This is just additional context.
English and Japanese have very different word order, so I always have to build sentences in my head using vocabulary, grammar, and structure. I know it gets better with more speaking practice, but I’m not there yet.
I’ve heard that some Asian languages like Vietnamese and Chinese have word order closer to English, so it may be a bit easier for speakers of those languages compared to Japanese.
Because many of us in Japan mainly studied basic English through textbooks, we may be able to understand it if we take time, and sometimes write it, but speaking in real time is much harder, and the word order can easily get mixed up and become hard to understand.
Still, I’m really grateful that some native speakers can guess what I mean from keywords.
So for me, I might actually be speaking much more broken English than you think😂
Narmotur@reddit
I learned a little bit of Japanese before a trip I took to Japan last year, and even though I could barely speak it at all, everyone was extremely friendly and helpful and I had a wonderful time.
Anyone who would have a problem with your English being "rough" isn't someone worth being friends with, in my opinion.
Beautiful-Bar799@reddit
In my opinion, no. However, my parents are Asian immigrants. It might be a barrier to someone who never had to deal with a broken accent growing up. I’d start looking for Asian/other immigrant minority groups in the area!
--2021--@reddit
Hopefully this translates well, I do not know how to write for translation.
I grew up in a large international city where the native language is english. People speak english to varying degrees and while there are racists and bigots, most don't really think twice about it. It can be a little tiring on both sides because of the extra focus, but that's about it.
People care less about your skill and more about your personality. I know people who don't speak well, but everyone loves being around them because they're the life of the party, or they're thoughtful and have a sense of humor, or a genius at something, etc. It's different for every person.
The more you speak to people, the better you get, the easier it will become. It may help to work with an ESOL teacher too, they can help correct some of the mistakes so you improve fluency and you'll feel more confident. You may also be able to find groups who are practicing learning english, since everyone is working on it, it may feel less intimidating to practice with them.
CandleTiger@reddit
It's kind of funny actually. Making friends is all about communication.
If your conversation is not smooth then of course you will have trouble making the kind of easy casual chit-chat that is required to make quick shallow "friends" of people you don't know well.
But also I have found when I was living in countries where my language was poor, or talking to visitors in my country with less than perfect English, it was weirdly easier to make really good, deep friendships. When the casual meaningless chatter is too difficult to be worth the effort of saying, then people will more readily say things that meaningful and deserve effort.
It was a startling experience for me.
LibrarianByNight@reddit
The majority of Americans are used to hearing non-native English and will understand even the most major mistakes. I had many friends who were not native English speakers and it was no problem. It's the opposite experience I'm having in my current country.
Cojemos@reddit
Not at all. USA is quite used to even the natives not speaking English correctly. Friends can happen based on who you are and energy instead of being fluent. What you might encounter though, is ignorance. Even with the educated Americans.
UltimumVerum@reddit
Yea true I have a hard time understanding a lot of Americans now days lol.
UltimumVerum@reddit
I personally appreciate people who attempt to learn English and wouldn't mind how "broken" your English is. Most people won't mind depending on the area in the US, while others might get annoyed or shy away like the person above said. Just surround yourself with people that are happy to communicate with you while you are learning :)
littleM-lily@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much for all the comments! I was so happy reading them that I even cried.
Most of the native speakers I meet are very kind and try to understand my English. But sometimes it takes me time to think of questions, and I worry about making mistakes, so I hesitate and the conversation doesn’t continue.
Some people ask easy questions and share about themselves a lot, and for me they feel like angels haha.
Even if the conversation doesn’t last long, there are many kind people who make me want to stay friends. So I will keep trying to talk to people and not give up.
I was worried that my English might make people uncomfortable or bored, and I was losing confidence. So your comments really made me happy.
My daughter couldn’t speak English at all at first, but with her personality and effort, she has made many friends. I want to keep trying too, so I can be a mom she can be proud of.
I may reply to some of you individually later. But first, thank you to everyone who commented. I would be so happy to have friends like you 😊
Alarming-Papaya2007@reddit
you can write questions down for moments when conversations die down. keep them with you. I'd ask other mothers about the words for the activity your daughter is involved in. but you can ask about grocery stores, salon recommendations, whatever you do in daily life that you may have simple questions about. restaurants, stores. people love to share about their local cuisine, traditions, events.
bokurai@reddit
If you're in a city, you can try checking event pages or sites like https://www.meetup.com/ for language exchanges, international events, or activity groups. It can be a good way to meet people and make new friends, including other foreigners.
LaMaisonRealEstate@reddit
Most people care way more about kindness and effort than perfect English. If you’re friendly, open, and keep trying, people will appreciate that and still want to be friends.
Academic-Balance6999@reddit
It depends on how broken. Grammar mistakes, non-native accent, sufficient but limited vocabulary? Absolutely no problem. Americans don’t care if you speak the language perfectly, as long as they can understand you. I’m guessing you’re in this bucket because you say you can understand people but often miss nuance— this is all fine, and your comprehension will get better with time.
But if people can’t understand you, or if your vocabulary is really really small, people might shy away because they don’t want to be rude by asking over and over what you are trying to say. If that is the case, I’d send a little note to the other moms on the team introducing yourself and saying that you’re working on your English so would appreciate conversation practice in the stands! Most Americans are friendly and will want to help you, and this practice will help you improve quickly.
Primary-Angle4008@reddit
The more you talk the faster you will get fluent so get involved wherever you can. When I moved to the UK I struggled as well and now I’m working in a field where talking and writing fluently is one of the main things.
So don’t worry about making mistakes and you will probably learn a lot faster then you think
stepbackjumpforward@reddit
I have many friends that are non-native speakers (I live in US currently, soon moving to a new country where I will be the one with broken language skills). Maybe I seek non-native speakers out because I worked in Asia for many years and also lived in Central America as a child. I find people from other countries interesting and I always learn new things from them. Please remember you have so much to offer Americans who may not have left the US. Just smile and say hello, someone will open up to you. Americans can be welcoming, it just takes time to open up their hearts. I hope to meet someone like you.
whatshouldwecallme@reddit
It depends where, but America may be one the best place to be as a friendly person with (currently) limited language skills. I assume you are Japanese. I think a lot of Americans find your culture and background really interesting.
I think if you have had success with the American moms already, just keep doing what you are doing! You can try inviting them over to your home so your children can play while you enjoy some drinks or food—that’s a great way to build a deeper relationship that doesn’t require more advanced English skills than you currently have.
Wise-Operation247@reddit
For the record, a good amount of Americans can't speak english language either. No need to feel guilty. Watch news and TV channels in English to help with comprehension and accent improvement 👌