How do people in the UK use politeness or indirect language in everyday conversations?

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buginarugsnug@reddit

'You alright?' doesn't always mean that they are asking you if you are ok, it's an informal greeting and the answer is 'yes, you?' whether you're all right or not.

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Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit

But sometimes it does actually mean 'how are you? lets do a deep dive'

And only a British person can tell them the difference.

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Solid_Contact6529@reddit

Alright? Or Y’alright? = greeting Are you alright? = I am concerned about you.

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rositree@reddit

Passing someone you know in the street/corridor/supermarket but don't want to get into a long conversation, 'Alright?' is like the hello.

If you've been together for a bit, done the hellos and greetings, got a drink or something then get into 'so, are you alright?', that's the real thing.

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scrotalsac69@reddit

Also if you ask it twice it means you are really concerned about them

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Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit

Don't forget the hand on the bicep, with a faint thumb rub.

Or the greeting with a hug, making the 'uhwwwhhhhh' sound, anything that follows that is genuine concern.

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YchYFi@reddit

If the person is an acquaintance then it's just pleasantries.

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ghostlight1969@reddit

After which follows the real conversation, either the weather or how close it is to the weekend.

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Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit

No not all ways, like a friend of a friend, that has heard about your situation, that you have met once or twice, and has that, I really feel for you expression on their face.

Then you go into mid-level detail, but only offer positive reflection on the things you are saying.

"yeah its been tough, but we are getting there"

"If anything, I'm really grateful that..."

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YchYFi@reddit

Those kind of people I feel are not genuine and just fishing for gossip. I only give them surface level detail.

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Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit

Oh, I know the ones you mean.

But I don't think that is the case 100% of the time.

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Probably but I don't have the time to suss out their genuine intentions from body language or verbal language so I tend to not give them much regardless. Been burnt one to many times by thinking the person had an honest interest in me.

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Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit

It's a feeling.

But I feel ya, I very rarely offer more than what is already public knowledge, or the main headlines.

Even to friend a lot of the time, they are my escape, not my trauma captives.

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On_The_Blindside@reddit

The term for this is a "phatic phrase".

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Pengtingcalledme@reddit

You alright?

Yeah you?

Yeahhhhhhhhhh

Am I right?

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Tay74@reddit

"Alright?" - not literal, a greeting

Vs

"Are you alright?"

"You alright there pal/mate/hun/dear etc.?"

"Everything alright?"

Etc. - actually concerned something is wrong

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SpaceMonkeyAttack@reddit

It's the modern version of "How do you do?" To which the correct response is also "How do you do?"

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Unseasonal_Jacket@reddit

Americans understand it when you say it's like 'what's up'. They get that doesn't mean literally and is a replacement for 'greetings and pleasantries'.

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tetlee@reddit

My American wife struggled with this exchange between me and my friend

Alright?

Alright.

I now struggle with "how you doing today?"

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VickiActually@reddit

At school my teacher once handed me a book and said "would you like to take this back to the library?"

I replied, "no." So the teacher shouted at me for being rude.

Turned out she meant "take this back to the library, and do it with a smile"

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Astronaut_Level@reddit

Omg I’m Polish and this one took me a while to work out. If it’s an instruction why is it phrased like a polite question? 😩

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Solid_Contact6529@reddit

Because telling you what to do would feel incredibly rude and strip you of all dignity and agency.

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Astronaut_Level@reddit

Let’s stay in touch = we’re definitely not staying in touch

The food tastes great, thanks = it’s disgusting but my social code doesn’t allow me to complain

Let’s shelve it/put a pin in this and circle back = it’s not important and we probably won’t discuss it again

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Solid_Contact6529@reddit

Whereas I have used “don’t be a stranger!” to mean “I want to spend every waking minute staring at your face forevermore” lol

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IansGotNothingLeft@reddit

This one is the most common one I can think of. Bosses and parents do it all the time. You don't really have a choice.

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

Hate that 🫠 I'm autistic so struggle with indirect communication, however have learned a lot of the very silly rules throughout my 38ish years of life here in the UK.

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CelesteJA@reddit

For me it went the other way round with my autism. I can pick up on sarcasm and indirectness really well. But when anyone is being genuine or serious, I can't pick up on it and I think they're either joking or being sarcastic!

I've ended up seeming like an absolute asshole so many times due to laughing at what I thought were jokes!

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

Hah! Yeah, I am a very sarcastic person myself. But if someone asked me a yes/no question, especially as a child, I probably wouldn't have read it as "do this thing - this is not a question" 😬 then would have been in trouble, no doubt...

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EdinDevon@reddit

"I know it sounded like I was asking you a question. I wasn't, it was to make you feel like you have some agency and say in the matter. You don't, the facade is down. Take the book to the library, now"

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Unseasonal_Jacket@reddit

This is a big thing kids have to learn as well. 'it was phrased like a question to make it seem more polite, I realise that was a mistake'

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Plastic_Doughnut_911@reddit

If you’re into old (😭😭😭😭) movies I recommend the scene from The Full Monty where the characters are trying to cross a canal - there’s a partially submerged car in the middle - they use a girder (I think) to get to the car, but when they try to reposition it to complete the crossing, it falls into the canal leaving them stranded…

…. a dog walker passes and says “alright” (not a question, just a greeting) - stranded character replies “aye, not so bad”. Dog walker continues passing.

Pretty representative of Britishness. 😭🤣🤣🤣

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terahurts@reddit

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Plastic_Doughnut_911@reddit

Please accept my pauper’s award 🏆

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MrMonkeyman79@reddit

That's not bad, though I'd add signing off an email with 'Regards' = I am angrier than I've ever been

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BG3restart@reddit

I only ever sign off emails with Regards. I thought it was the standard sign off for anyone you don't know well. Friends get Cheers.

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bigbrocoll@reddit

It is tbh. These people are all way in their head about something most people don't put that much thought into.

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MrMonkeyman79@reddit

Put a 'kind' or a 'best' before the regards and you're all good. But 'regards' on its own, well I hate to say that there's a good chance the recipients think you despise them.

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nunatakj120@reddit

I’ve broken free of all these chains and just sign off all emails with

Thanks,

My name

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Signing off 'yours sincerely' unless in very formal communication means I'm I'm on the verge of filing a law suit against you.

'I'll think about it' ; means 'absoluley fucking not'

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smartfellerayi@reddit

If someone used "yours sincerely" in an email to me, I'd be the one pissed off and filing law suits. That is abominable.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Yeah it's very formal and not used in work emails etc. Where 'kind regards' would be the default friendly way to sign off.

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smartfellerayi@reddit

I'd expect "yours sincerely" in a perfectly penned letter from my ancient grandmother.

It looks so weird in an email.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Sure, but if I want people to know I mean business I'll use it.. Emails to the council, utility companies and other formal coms, use it.

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cari-strat@reddit

Yeah, I will absolutely use yours sincerely/yours faithfully in a snotty letter, there are no kind regards when I'm in 'fuck around and find out' mode.

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terracotta-cinnamon@reddit

Yeah I’ve used it a couple of times in communications to landlords helpfully reminding them of the details of the 1985 Housing Act lol

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Unseasonal_Jacket@reddit

I do a lot of historical research in British government/naval archives from the 20s and 30s. What is really hard is understanding the implications of things like this in written docs in the past. Are they using the already the same passive aggression I understand? Or are they using it more genuinely?

I once read some absolute shambles of a policy briefing written by a senior naval officer to an even more senior officer who said something along the lines of 'this is a very ambitious and bold proposal'. Now I read that in a very 'Yes minister' way as meaning 'you are fucking insane'. But with 100 years of gap I'm not positive that's accurate. Maybe they really meant it... It's a real problem.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

hahah.. context is king

'this is a very ambitious and bold proposal'

It could be sarcasm, or it could be genuine.

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anabsentfriend@reddit

99% of the time, it's sarcasm.

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Unseasonal_Jacket@reddit

Exactly. And when you don't actually know the people involved it's hard to judge, let alone while judging trends in speech over 100 years. Lots of examples of words used differently. One example I see a lot is the word 'incredible' in its original sense as non credible. Rather than the current 'it's amazing'.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Kind regards means just that.

If you drop the 'kind', that's fighting talk lol

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DrMoneybeard@reddit

I'm Canadian and used to live in the UK- I am disappointed that people in my workplace here don't understand the nuance of my email sign offs.

Sometimes I just want you to understand the slap in the face that is "-Regards"

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

the dash means 'it's on, see you in the carpark after work'.

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blahblahblah1234_@reddit

Exactly. And I always think to myself, ‘that’ll show them!’

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EvaKatz@reddit

Regards is COLD

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Yeah it's cold but still on the verge of politeness.

It basically means IDGAF what you say, but I'm not going to make a big deal about it.... Yet

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Hoop66@reddit

"not bad" is a perfect example! There's a great scene in James Clavell's book "King Rat" where an American guy has made some eggs to impress the English guy (they are in a PoW camp) and is offended when he says they are "not bad".

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MickHucknallsMumsDog@reddit

I can see why you'd think that should be added to the list.

Let me think about it.

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davehemm@reddit

If I feel quite sleighted, I sometimes forgo 'regards' and just put my name

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No-Door-3181@reddit

Wait, this explains a lot... I've been here for 7yrs and some of these still slip by me

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deformedfishface@reddit

I would disagree with “Quite good”. I think brits use it when something is excellent. Tasting a glass of brilliant wine - “That’s quite good you know…”

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spectrumero@reddit

"Quite good" can mean anything from "it's mediocre" to "it's the best I've ever seen", depending on body language and inflection.

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anabsentfriend@reddit

If the stress is on the 'quite', it's awful. If the stress is on the 'good' (with bad slight upward inflection), then it's fantastic.

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rainbow84uk@reddit

I kind of agree, although I'd say "Not bad" is often more positive than "Quite good" for me. Obviously all depends on context and tone of voice though.

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blahblahblah1234_@reddit

I think the same for ‘it’s alright’. Alright could be anywhere from good, decent, to awful but you’re being polite.

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cbawiththismalarky@reddit

I said "not bad" in a fancy restaurant in the US and they went and got the chef to ask what was wrong

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Haha... So true..

If I say something is pretty decent, it means it's very good, as opposed to simply acceptable.

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r_keel_esq@reddit

"Quite good" can mean "Surprisingly good as I expected this to be terrible"

It can also mean "This is incredible, but don't get ideas above your station"

I heartily endorse the former, but intensely dislike the latter

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Never_trust_dolphins@reddit

That's interesting = That's boring/fucked up beyond belief

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

This is beautiful 😍

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County-Thos@reddit

Sometimes it's about time or inflection rather that the words used.

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Overall-Lynx917@reddit

"I beg your pardon" - "One of us is going to die and it's not me"

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Responsible-Link5739@reddit

I hear it. "I beg your pardon..,.you have now made me quite cross and I shall give you my Paddington hard stare while you have a cup of tea I haven't spat in, honest".

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Overall-Lynx917@reddit

Would that be a Level 5 Hard Paddington Stare? That's the one that melts steel😁

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Responsible-Link5739@reddit

Nice username, btw. I remember the ad jingle for it. Gosh, I'm so unyoung.

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Responsible-Link5739@reddit

Level 5, weakling? Level 97.5, which can both vaporize kryptonite and give Asda cheese a shelf-life exceeding most people's tenancy agreements.

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macca191@reddit

"That's interesting".

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PoolRamen@reddit

The most British among us can turn a calm Thank You Very Much into an insult.

It's about context, delivery, inflexion and body language.

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Responsible-Link5739@reddit

And the appropriate level of eye venom.

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kreemy_kurds@reddit

"I don't mean to be rude but....." Proceed with the most devastating insult you can think of

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Responsible-Link5739@reddit

Ohhhhhhh like the dreaded, "I hope your rabbit dies and you can't sell the hutch"??

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AreaMiserable9187@reddit

Also see - "I don't mean to judge but..." and "I don't want to be a dick but..."

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RareGovernment4592@reddit

“I might head off soon” — I’m leaving now

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Pengtingcalledme@reddit

Ok bye

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Ecstatic_Effective42@reddit

You're funny.

You're not funny.

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Pengtingcalledme@reddit

Oh

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Funny like a clown? Do I fucking amuse you?

Hahaha ;-)

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MahatmaAndhi@reddit

"It's not what I would do"

If you hear this with any verb replacing 'do' then it's quite a big criticism.

"Do you like my new tattoo?"

"Well, it's not what I would have."
[Translation: I hate it and I think it's fucking stupid. Even worse if they say, "But you do you" at the end.]

There's a great story about British Understatement.
https://www.warhistoryonline.com/korean-war/battle-of-imjin-river.html

Basically the American officer asked Thomas Brodie (a Brit) for a situation report. He said, "Things are a bit sticky, sir."
The American took it to mean that it's a situation they can handle. No reinforcements were sent.
It was actually 600 British men vs 30,000 Chinese. They were pretty much wiped out as a result.

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4point5billion45@reddit

When I first learned of this I was sure it was a joke.

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Additional_Jaguar170@reddit

Please do this at your earliest convenience -> Do it now.

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iffyClyro@reddit

Born and raised in Scotland, now 34 years old and still don’t participate in the indirect speaking thing. I just tell people what I need them to know/understand and will actively ask people to be direct and clear when they try to give me some kind of instruction.

I have ADHD and dyslexia which probably contributes to me not being keen on the indirect language.

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MMH1111@reddit

Should have put your second paragraph first.

Pretty much every Scot I've spoken to for any length of time is as bad as we are in England.

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SnooHabits8484@reddit

I’m Irish and we are, if anything, worse.

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MMH1111@reddit

Confirm this to be true. Couple of Irish friends and colleagues and I've found myself thinking YES, BUT GET ON WITH IT.

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mdmnl@reddit

What an interesting question.

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PineappleLunchables@reddit

Because it’s likely AI generated slop. OP has only this post and has never commented on anything.

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Leucurus@reddit

It's... different

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Jin-shei@reddit

A brave choice

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YchYFi@reddit

I'm sorry you feel that way.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

I'm sorry that your sorry, that you feel that way.

Hehehhe ;-)

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Willsagain2@reddit

I hate it when people sign off 'kind regards' . They shouldn't be complimenting themselves on their self-perceived kindness. I may think you're kind: if you think you're kind you're probably just condescending.

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Upbeat_Branch_4231@reddit

The response "mustn't grumble" given to the question "how are you?", really means "I'm doing very badly. Life is hell. Please kill me now"

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SnooHabits8484@reddit

Some Scandiwegians somewhere apparently say “upright and not screaming”

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TheBladesAurus@reddit

"Living the dream"

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Pixiebel81@reddit

One nightmare at a time

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Leucurus@reddit

I say "Mustn't grumble... probably will though"

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Belle_TainSummer@reddit

Well, you know, we get by.

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behemuffin@reddit

One really common one is that when we say "okay pal, sure thing 👍🏼", we actually mean "could it be more obvious you are an llm harvesting data points?"

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EvaM87@reddit

When managing a non-UK team for the first time I started getting very frustrated that they were not doing what I asked within reasonable timescales. Eventually we established that when I said

'When you have a moment could you please xxxxxxx '

I actually wanted it done once they'd finished whatever they were in the middle of at the time and certainly by the end of the day. Not when they actually ran out of other things to do.

We had a long discussion about British phrasing after that.

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blahblahblah1234_@reddit

When people ask if you have any plans over the weekend, it’s just polite conversation. They rarely are interested in what you’re doing.

Although once, I was asked this whilst at the till and I responded, ‘Just planning to jump off a bridge.’ We chuckled, and that was the end of that.

I don’t think that would have been an acceptable response in most countries.

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Slonshal@reddit

"Not too keen on it"

A polite way of saying "I don't really like it".

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Shannoonuns@reddit

"A bit" or "sort of" means a lot.

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PrincessPK475@reddit

Ooo another good one.

Total topic change to point out something mildly interesting

Really means: This conversation is getting into dangerous territory and needs to be stopped and redirected.... Go with it... I'm doing you a social favour.

Loads of people miss this one and continue as they were and think I'm ADHD with my oooo look a squirrel! But it's really me trying to save them from looking like a jackass 🤦‍♀️

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PrincessPK475@reddit

"right" or "there we are then"

= "I'm bored of listening to you and want to leave" or "you've been ignoring my attempts to end this conversation for the last 15 minutes, me leaving now is not negotiable"

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SpaTowner@reddit

‘You might not want to do that’ = ‘you will regret doing that for the rest of your life’

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YchYFi@reddit

With the greatest respect I hear what you're saying but it's not my cup of tea.

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

"I'll leave you to it" - my sister hated this when she had small kids, because she was not going to be doing any thing after someone left, other than being a mum and so hated people using it as code for "I'm done here now and I'm leaving"

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AwkwardTie9427@reddit

"You're a diamond" = "You're better than some people I know"

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

"How are you?"
"Aw you know, keeping on keeping on"

My life is in tatters and I am considering ending it all.

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AreaMiserable9187@reddit

"I'm so sorry, I'm not following..." e.g. you make absolutely no sense so back up and rethink what you want to say.

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BuGMoiDroit@reddit

"I've been better" - "things are a steaming pile of shit"

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Icy_Mixture1482@reddit

“Shall I close the window?” = “It’s fucking freezing here. I’m going to close it anyway, but I’m just being polite by pretending to include you.”

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Logical_fallacy10@reddit

Yes people in England are scared of being direct. I think it’s a lack of confidence thing. But they claim it’s polite :) It causes a lot of problems when they try to communicate with other more mature cultures where directness is a core value. But hey - just have some fun with them - just act on what they say - not what they mean. And you won’t know if they get upset as they only ever do passive aggressiveness.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

It goes both ways.. I can't stand the false friendliness in the USA for example.. 'have a great day, sir! ' in a restaurant.. If I don't know you on a personal level, it's so forced and insencere.

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Logical_fallacy10@reddit

Yes I agree with that. Americans can be over the top friendly so it comes across fake. It may or may not be fake - but it sure appears that way.

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YchYFi@reddit

other more mature cultures where directness is a core value.

You would struggle in Japan then

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Logical_fallacy10@reddit

Japan is based on honor and respect. I think the women there are quiet but it’s my understanding that the men can be direct. I may be wrong though. France is way more direct and honest than England.

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Fancy-Professor-7113@reddit

I am confident enough to tell you, you are talking shite.

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Logical_fallacy10@reddit

Well done. Good to hear we have a few English people not afraid to speak up.

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One_Complex6429@reddit

Oh, do you really think we don't lack confidence? Means, feck off, we don't lack confidence!

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Logical_fallacy10@reddit

No that’s not what I said. I said I think you lack confidence. A lack of confidence usually results in the inability to be direct and honest.

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nicetoursmeetewe@reddit

"more mature cultures"

That's a very interesting take

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Logical_fallacy10@reddit

Well being able to be direct and honest is a byproduct of being mature.

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EvaKatz@reddit

"With respect"= You're a dick

"As previously mentioned"= I told you already, don't you listen?!

"Interesting, however"= You clearly don't know anything

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jend000@reddit

Stop training the LLMs people

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Wobblybob52@reddit

"I see" meaning, I haven't got a clue what you're talking about.

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Careless-Giraffe-623@reddit

Depends on context, and tone, it could equally mean 'I agree' or 'STFU' lol.

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StereotypicallBarbie@reddit

“Well we’ll see”

Not going to happen.. ever!

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LIRFC@reddit

"I'll think about it" = Never going to happen.

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Lucky-Remote-5842@reddit

As an American mom, same. American kids don't get the same idea, though. They think it means Probably yes. Keep asking.

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HauntingOutcome@reddit

"Hi how are you?" is us saying "Hi". We don't actually want to hear anything other than "Hi, good, you?".

Most of us will be very confused and regret it if someone actually starts telling us how they are.

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Brickie78@reddit

4 month old account, never commented, never posted, question sounds like it was copy/pasted from an ESL exam...

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JC_vee@reddit

Thoroughly recommend checking out this guy's channel: https://youtube.com/@freddieallison?si=AhECEy_sGVAzjTZf

Filter his Shorts for most popular and you'll see a collection of very funny shirt videos where he explains underlying meaning to different British phrases. Hint: a lot of it comes down to tone

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KeyJunket1175@reddit

They don't... When they ask you "how are you" or "you alright" they don't mean it. It just means "hi", so if you actually start telling them about how you are, they are going to look at you weird.

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the_weaver_of_dreams@reddit

It's contextual and can be a genuine question. Tone and context are important, but many non-Brits struggle with reading that.

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sossighead@reddit

Asking anyone in public to do anything that’s a completely reasonable thing to ask tends to start with an apology: “Sorry, could you just…”

There’s no need to apologise if you’re asking someone to stop blocking a doorway for example.

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RegretEasy8846@reddit

The most common sensations I’ve said in my lifetime I’m sure you “You alright”… it essentially means hello, an endearing acknowledgment of someone’s presence including my own. They can go one to tell me if they are alright, but usually it’s as above. Definitely a cultural thing for Liverpool and elsewhere I’m sure.

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