Adult birthday dinners at restaurants, who pays?
Posted by msac84@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 244 comments
I thought the bill is always split, but apparently some people think the birthday person has to foot the bill?
Aceman1979@reddit
Depends on who organises. Most people don’t organise their own birthday dinners though.
Alternative_Way_2700@reddit
We do Birthday meals out, everyone pays for themself apart from the birthday person. Our arrangement is that everyone else splits the cost of the birthday person's meal and drinks.
To make it fair, we always choose similar priced places to eat, use vouchers if possible to reduce the overall cost and we don't take the pee.
To give context, we are not talking about high end restaurants or umpteen glasses of champagne but more like the local Wimpy, pub, Harvester etc or just a massive Chinese takeaway.
jelly10001@reddit
If I'm with friends we always split the bill, and if it's my birthday I don't expect them to pay for me.
2c0@reddit
Birthday person pays for nothing. How it has always been in friend / family group.
I find it odd when my colleagues bring everyone cakes for their birthday.
JohnLikeOne@reddit
I do think the 'you bring something in when it's your birthday' makes sense in an office environment.
If it was the other way round youd quickly end up with a situation where everyone 'chips in' to buy something and in any sizeable group it's always going to be someone's birthday coming up so it becomes a constant hassle, with potential for hurt feelings if one person's birthday gets celebrated more than someone else's or someone gets forgotten. Much easier if the onus is on the person whose birthday it is to sort what they want.
Much less stress for people who don't want to get involved as well as it's a once a year issue rather than a weekly endeavour.
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
Yes, bring stuff for your own birthday is very normal in workplaces, in my experience. AIt also means that the amount spent is down to the individual - and hat they don't have to do anything if they don't celebate their birthday for any reason
TheFunInDysfunction@reddit
The reason not to celebrate your birthday in a workplace is that you’re not ten years old. I think this should be phrased as “for the people who somehow have a reason to tell colleagues about their birthday can celebrate and leave the adults to it”
Pitiful-Ad5290@reddit
In my work the birthday person always brought in the cakes sweets etc. yes there were one or two who take the day off to avoid it but quite happily eat what others brought in.
TheShakyHandsMan@reddit
My works always closed on my birthday so I get to avoid it all.
Pitiful-Ad5290@reddit
Merry Christmas and happy birthday when it comes 😃
outfocz@reddit
And also it avoids situations where certain people feel left out.
Firstly the “office” have to work out when everyone’s birthday is for fear of missing someone. Secondly they then have to coordinate buying cakes on an almost weekly basis.
Immediately you know someone (through their own choice or otherwise) will be left as the designated person who “always sorts it”.
Or else it will be a free for all of “who’s organising cakes for X”, “who’s organising cakes for Y”.
Then someone gets forgotten or overlooked and it causes a massive issue in the office. Much easier to say, it’s your turn when it’s your birthday.
2c0@reddit
Simple Happy Birthday suffices. Though I don't ever work my Birthday. I don't do anything but as a treat to myself I don't work it.
Either the boss should do/buy something or you go for a few with close colleagues after work.
Prudent-Pressure2146@reddit
Agree, I’ve been the person who gets sent to buy birthday treats before and it does always add up, and then you feel dead tight asking for money back cos it’s only a few quid each time.
Sure it’s fine in a place with petty cash but in a corporate environment it’s a ballache
CharlemagneKidding@reddit
To your second point do you think colleagues should bring in cake for everyone else's birthday?
PumpkinSpice2Nice@reddit
I used to have a work place like that. It wasn’t the only toxic thing about that work place.
buginarugsnug@reddit
I follow the general rule that whoever invited people should be prepared to foot the bill, but its perfectly ok to split if someone else mentions splitting.
cardiffman100@reddit
Your general rule is wild and just means people won't go to more upmarket places because they can't stump up the lump sum of everyone's meal. Whereas if everyone was splitting the bill, it's much easier on the wallet. Example: meal in fancy restaurant is £200 per head. I invite 4 friends. No way I'm paying £1000 so they can each have a nice meal with my money. They know the deal when they're invited, they can look up the menu prices online and decide to come or not depending on their availability and finances. We each pay £200, have a great meal and everyone's happy.
vikingbeard23@reddit
Did you eat? Did you drink? If you did you have something to pay.
cardiffman100@reddit
Yes, and I really don't get why people don't understand this.
Suspicious-Button-11@reddit
I think it depends on the age and the poshness of the restaurant. If you're older (50) and invite your friends somewhere swanky, it's assumed you can afford to pay for everyone.
cardiffman100@reddit
This is pretty wild to just assume the person inviting you is going to pay for your swanky meal. Unless they specifically tell you they are paying, assume it will be split. I'm not sure how many 50 year olds you know who are dropping a grand every time they go for dinner with their mates, but that's certainly not the vast majority of 50 year olds.
Helicreature@reddit
This. In my world now, whoever issues the invitation pays. When we were students the bill was scrutinised down to ‘who ordered the extra poppadom?’.
cardiffman100@reddit
Birthday person doesn't "have" to foot the bill. They can if they want to. But it's fairly uncommon nowadays, except in certain cultures. Assume the bill is split unless the birthday person specifically tells you otherwise.
Informal-Intern-8672@reddit
Each individual person pays for their own within every group of people I'd go out with.
Almost_Present@reddit
If I invite people to my birthday meal I pay - I take the view that, if I organised a party I wouldn’t charge people to attend the party so by the same token I wouldn’t expect them to pay to attend my meal
StiffAssedBrit@reddit
We always split it.
JustUseDuckTape@reddit
The key, as usual, is communication. There's no "right" way. If you're going out for a meal you should always be prepared to pay your own way unless explicitly told otherwise.
For a friend's birthday meal, I'd expect to pay my own share and I'm always happy to split the cost of the birthday person's meal across the table; at the very least we're buying them a drink.
No_Coyote_557@reddit
Everyone except the birthday person.
sshipway@reddit
Split the bill between the non-birthday people if its a mutual decision to go here. Birthday person pays if they invited everyone off their own bat. However who pays should be agreed in advance so as not to have nasty surprises.
skrew86@reddit
I've been to both types
HappyHits@reddit
Split or pay your own share, birthday person paying is wild
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
Not really - just a bit old fashioned
Technically, if you host, you pay, so if you invite peopleto you birthday dninner you are the host.
Modern practice is usually bit different and most people would expect to pay their own way, but it's not universal.
Equally,it's not uncommon for the 'guests' to offer to cover the birthday prson's meal between them, as a gift, but again, you should never adssume that that will be the case.
Mundo7@reddit
you’re “inviting” you’re not hosting 😂😂
hippogriff55@reddit
My parents don't go out to restaurants for their birthdays because they would have to pay for everyone
Giddyup_1998@reddit
Seriously? That's not right.
hippogriff55@reddit
It is usual in their age group
drastic2@reddit
In my 60s. If I invite others out to celebrate I pay. If someone else organizes something for me, the group splits it and usually I eat for free. I offer a share of course, but as expected, my mates decline. I like doing the inviting, as it’s more of a good time for me, as host.
Undrcovrcloakndaggr@reddit
Right? We always each chip in a bit extra to cover the birthday person's!! In no world would I expect them to pick up the whole tab!
runrunrudolf@reddit
I’ve been to loads where the birthday person pays. You host, you pay. It’s the same as bringing cakes into work on your birthday.
Dutch_Slim@reddit
Yeah not sure why you’ve been downvoted, to me it’s similar to having a party…I’m not expecting people to cover their own food and drink.
runrunrudolf@reddit
Yeah that’s pretty much the thinking behind it. It’s also wild in being downvoted for saying all three options are common when the whole thread comments confirms all three options are common.
Boredpanda31@reddit
The whole taking cakes in on your birthday never made sense to me. I used to work somewhere that also had people who were aboit to go off on leave (1-2 weeks) bring in cakes. I went to Florida not long after starting with them and didn't know aboit the rule - apparently I was not in the good books after that 🤣
I just thought...on my birthday, why would I buy you a cake? Oh and when I'm going on holiday, what makes you think it have money to buy you all a cake?!
Pick_Up_Autist@reddit
It's just insanely more simple. If you've got an office of 50 people you've gotta have a whip round nearly every week I'm average and organise the buying etc.. Or once a year each person grabs some cakes.
quellflynn@reddit
it works more in the factory setting where there's a hundred people. a few cakes costs very little, everyone gets a little sweet treat and people you don't know very well chat.
doing a weekly whip round for a present would be insane and would cause all sorts of issues!
Pick_Up_Autist@reddit
Yeah it only scales up from my example and becomes untenable very quickly.
antlerskull@reddit
You’re buying one cake for the year instead of numerous contributions every birthday
ambergriswoldo@reddit
For any I’ve been to the guests split the bill covering the birthday persons share also
Lizbelizi@reddit
Certainly not the birthday person who even thinks that. At the very least each person pays their own meal, ideally everyone pays their own + split the birthday person's meal cost as well. Imagine wanting to be surrounded by friends and family on your birthday and having to pay ££££ for the privilege.
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
Anyone who knows that the default for any kind of party is that the host pays, and throws the party they can afford.
Things have shifted to a degree but it was the norm for at least the last couple of centuries, and still is in many situations.
Lizbelizi@reddit
You're not hosting at home, this is for eating out. No its not normal at all to expect one person to foot the bill for the whole group, and especially not on their birthday wtf
Pheighthe@reddit
It is possible to host a dinner at a restaurant.
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
I know. And equall, as my original comment makes clear, I am fully aware that it is very coommon theese days to cplit the bill, but the reason that the issue comes up as a question isbecasue historically, and until very recently, the default was that the host pays, and for some people and in some situations, that still stands.
explax@reddit
It is in some countries.
It's actually a common point of confusion but I think most northern European countries have a similar view to us. The only time in the UK where a host pays is when theyve rented a whole room/section/similar.
I think the UK system is better.
Lizbelizi@reddit
If they are eating out, then no one is the host. Hosting is having the party at home. If i host ill pay for the ingredients and cook. If we go out, we all pay. I find it very strange that anyone would expect a single person to pay for a group of people, regardless of the circumstances.
explax@reddit
Agreed, when people host a party its very intentional, comes and with a formal invite with the details. I can't fathom receiving a WhatsApp about going for dinner for someone's birthday and then expecting them to pay for it.
chocklityclair@reddit
I love the idea of people turning up and eating their dinner 'thinking' that the birthday person 'has to pay.' I want to be there when that bill arrives 😂
PontiusThe-AV8Tor@reddit
Everyone EXCEPT the Birthday person is what I would expect!!!
If not then question why they are your friends! We all have that one friend who is like but I'm not drinking and you lot had 10 bottles of wine between you so I'm paying £14 less when the bill is £150 each and you are like but dude you earn 160k why do you care! Followed by the it's my money etc etc. Exhausting!
It's just money you cant take it with you. We've all had moments where someone we know/knew was struggling and we simply just said, "Dont' worry I've/we've got this!"
I cannot bear it. If you have money and they are your mates this is why we bother to work so we can go and enjoy life! I have and would pay for the whole table if I have had some good fortune. Personally paid bills over £500 for everyone without being asked and have received similar from friends. There are ties when guys have had divorces or school stuff or things go wrong lost business, been ill etc when they are no their arse and they don't even want to go out as they cant really afford it and you see them checking the menu an choosing the cheap item and skipping the starters.
That's the moment when a real friend says a friend in need is a friend in deed. You haven't asked by I'm offering, let me get this you have enough to deal with. I have had that done for me AND to me. That is what I expect anything less and you are acquaintances not friends!
Hazz3r@reddit
I usually pay for my birthday meal out with my wife because it means that I can always go where I want to go.
YouCantArgueWithThis@reddit
Depending on who did the invite. In my family, the birthday person is invited to the dinner, and others pay for it.
Indigo-Waterfall@reddit
Everyone splits the bill
Snooker1471@reddit
Everyone/anyone pays ECEPT the person who's birthday it is. I can't believe this is ever considered a normal thing lol. If there was a situation where the person who's birthday it is was like cooking or self hosting then everyone should be bringing something to make it easier. Wine, desert, offers of cash....Accepting that birthday boy/girl pays is poor imho.
TippyTurtley@reddit
Often grandma
ilikecocktails@reddit
Whenever we go out for birthdays as a friend group everyone just pays for what they had including who’s birthday it is.
BloodyRedBarbara@reddit
Surely the birthday person should be the one not paying if you're not going to split. Making that person for everyone is absolutely crazy! Haha
dgreen1415@reddit
If there is ten people including the birthday people. The bill is split 9 ways.
folklovermore_@reddit
Among my friends (late 20s to early 40s in London) it's almost always that everyone else splits the costs of the birthday person's meal and drinks between them and covers that, whether we split the rest of the bill equally or just pay for what we had. Nobody takes the mick (eg ordering loads of cocktails etc) and it seems to work quite well. I suppose the exception might be if the birthday person wanted to go to a very particular fancy place though.
I do have one friend who will pay for everyone on his birthday (usually an activity of some sort rather than dinner though), but that is incredibly generous and certainly not expected.
sunf_lower@reddit
everyone bar the birthday whos birthday it is split it. usually this means like an extra 5-10 on top of your meal for them to have an extra treat on their birthday (obvs depends on how many people are there and how big the bill is)
Reverend_Vader@reddit
In my friend group we always sort this out way before it happens
It just requires a conversation, it's either the group pays for the BD bod, or everyone pays their own costs
Normally we cover the BD person unless it's Gary, because Gary took the piss in 2003
Only a fool leaves this until the food is on the table
folklovermore_@reddit
Don't leave us hanging like that, what did Gary do?!
cornishpixievomit@reddit
I want to know what Gary did now
SmegB@reddit
What did Gary do to take the piss?
LivingPage522@reddit
My far out conspiracy is that the inviteee/hostee pays for everyone was conjured up by rich people who didnt want to share eat out places with the great unwashed in their masses 😆 what better way to shame people into staying at home.
EatingCoooolo@reddit
Everyone pays for the birthday person.
CharlemagneKidding@reddit
Either everyone pays their share + a portion of the birthday person's meal, or everyone pays their own share (or a general split of the total bill if everyone ordered similarly).
HR_Specter@reddit
Split.
Why the fuck would the birthday person pay for it?!
GabberZZ@reddit
When I was younger and paid a lot more than my colleagues I'd invite them out for my birthday and would surprise them by paying the bill.
One of our closest friends declined an invite to the first meal I did this on. The next day she said if she'd have known it was free she would have come.
Didn't get invited to any after that.
dirtytoydesire@reddit
birthday person should treat sometimes
Adds9@reddit
Usually I'd pay for the person who's birthday it is. If it's a group of us we'd split the bill between us other than the birthday person.
AmayaSmith96@reddit
I have seen on plenty of American subs that it's not normal for the birthday person to pay for the entire meal which is mind boggling to me. Their rationale is that if you (birthday person) are inviting people out for a meal then you (birthday person) should cover the costs. I think it's insane because why should one person cover a potential £500+ bill!!
Dutch_Slim@reddit
Then don’t invite people to something you can’t afford?
Would you have a birthday party in a hall and expect people to cover their own food/drink/entertainment?
AmayaSmith96@reddit
But that's exactly the point why I wouldn't have a birthday party if I couldn't afford it. I think it's crazy that you can only celebrate your birthday if you have money, what would be your solution instead?
Grantthetick@reddit
10 people including birthday person? It's being split 9 ways.
Nigelb72@reddit
Birthday person doesn't pay... Sort the rest out between you...
Dread_queen23@reddit
I've been wondering where this has come from! I've never expected anyone else to pay for me. Sometimes a grandparent or other relative has been naughty and snuck off to pay the bill for everyone. But I have never thought the person inviting me would pay for me!
Popular_Sell_8980@reddit
Tangentially, the whole 'it's my birthday, so I have to bring the office treats' thing lots of us do is lunacy when you think about it, isn't it!
Swansboy@reddit
Split unless i offer to pay
MJLDat@reddit
Split evenly or pay for the birthday guest between you all.
Ill-Appointment6494@reddit
Everyone pays for their own meal and adds a little bit more to cover the tip and the meal for whoever’s birthday it is.
buttnuggetmaster@reddit
You split it, why the hell would the birthday person pay? My last birthday, my friends even insisted on paying for me. Get some better friends.
Wooshsplash@reddit
How is paying for everyone else a celebration for the birthday person? In my world, the birthday person eats free. Our treat is our birthday present for them.
ukslim@reddit
I've never known the birthday person be expected to buy everyone's food. But I've never known them to eat free either.
In the mid 90s in my workplace, if it was someone's birthday they'd invite everyone to the pub at lunchtime. Then they'd be expected to pay for everyone's drinks.
This seems unreasonable at first glance -- why do I have to spend money on my birthday?
But actually it's a great system (assuming everyone likes a lunchtime drink):
ImpossibleGlove7@reddit
Split unless told otherwise. My wife had a significant birthday recently (with a 0 on the end) and we took four of our closest friends out and treated them, but we made it very clear that was the deal.
PaleMaleAndStale@reddit
There is no universal rule. Make it clear when inviting people then there is no room for doubt.
ukslim@reddit
This is the answer, it depends on the social circle, the absolute and relative wealth of the people involved, their relationships, all sorts of things.
A bunch of 20-somethings in their first graduate jobs: don't go anywhere too expensive, everyone pays their way.
Millionaire grandfather invites his children, their spouses and grandchildren to celebrate his 70th birthday in a private dining room at a London Michelin starred restaurant? Implicitly he's offering to pay.
Children of that millionaire grandfather are also doing quite well for themselves, they suggest and organise the posh meal? Some conversation will take place beforehand about how the bill is split ("Dad, can we at least pay for the wine?")
The one arrangement I find most unlikely in Britain, is for a bunch of peers to eat out for a birthday, and for the bill to be split between everyone except the birthday person. It's probably happened, but I think it would be very unusual.
yinyandragon@reddit
Everyone but the birthday celebrater
Fun_Gas_7777@reddit
If its their birthday, then their meal should be a present. Why would they pay for their own meal on their birthday?
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
BEcasue they are hosting a meal. If they hosted st home, they would buy the ingredients and cook, if they chose to go to a restaurant then that doesn't necessarily change the fact that they are the host
Fun_Gas_7777@reddit
They arent the host. They are at a restaurant. The restaurant staff are the hosts
explax@reddit
It is different.
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
Because it's weird, to plan a birthday meal, invite people and then expect them to pay for you.
Kinda gross actually and really tacky.
Now if people decide to that is lovely, but it should never ever be mandatory.
ProfessorYaffle1@reddit
AS a minimum, you need to make it clear when you invite peoplewhetheryou are hosting or just organising
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
I think that's silly, it's just going round the houses still.
They are the same thing, its not clarity.
geeered@reddit
Part of this is that very often it's someone else who has organised the birthday meal for them. If the birthday person organises a meal at a really expensive place that others wouldn't normally go to and expects to be paid for that's a different matter.
Also, usually there's a bit of a dance where the Birthday person offers to pay and everyone else says "don't be stupid, we've got this...."
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
Yeah, totally fine, I misinterpreted entitlement in the first comment. When it was actually kindness.
Is it a dance, though? I hate people paying for me. Will happily pay for others; in fact, I pride myself on being generous.
But I can't stand the idea of anyone paying for me.
geeered@reddit
One takeaway I thought was decent from "How to fin friends and influence people"...
When you move into a new house and introduce yourself to neighbours, don't offer to do things for them, instead ask for a small favour they can easily do.
People like to have helped others, it makes them feel better.
So if you're being generous with sharing good emotions, often the best thing to do is to let them pay or do something for you.
I'm similar to you - I tend to be relatively generous with my time and money and want to be sure at the very least I've paid my fair share of anything.
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
Haha, yeah, no, I totally get it. Fully understand the psychology behind it.
And I'm so frustrated when people don't ask me to help or let me help as well.
Which is hilariously contradictory. However, unpacking that means opening the childhood trauma box, and I ain't taking the seal of that one hahaha.
Fun_Gas_7777@reddit
I agree, but its not something people plan. The way Ive always found it is that we book a meal with the intention of everyone paying for themselves, and by the end, often people say "hey lets pay for your meal as its your birthday". Its not the plan, it often just happens out of kindness
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
Ohh, I get what you're saying now.
You were giving it from the perspective of the guest, not the host.
Sorry, I assumed the other.
Yeah most of the time this would be the case with my friends
Fun_Gas_7777@reddit
Yes absolutely. But in experience the plan is always that everyone pays for their own food and drink
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
I'm with you.
Haha, just the way I read your original comment triggered me, I have had far too many 'birthday princess' Friends in my past.
I had one friend fall out with her cousin and me, because our taxi hit traffic and theirs didnt so when they got to the restaurant, the table didn't have balloons up yet....
gyroda@reddit
This is my thinking. If I plan a relatively expensive event (what counts as expensive depends a lot) I should be willing to cover myself and maybe subsidise a few of those who aren't as well off. I don't want to drop an obligation on others like that.
In the past it was the other way around, other people insisted we go out for my birthday and covered me.
Worldly_Wafer_6635@reddit
Neither of those fall into 'it's my birthday so you must pay for me'
Both perfectly respectable.
Intrepid_Bearz@reddit
Birthday person pays. Don’t known why, but that’s how it’s always been in our friend group.
…Unless it’s someone under 18 and then their parents pay.
Yeoman1877@reddit
It's clearly a minority opinion but I also work on the general principle that if someone invites you somewhere (birthday or not) then they pay.
Of course, the onus is then on you to invite them somewhere and pay the next time, akin to buying rounds in a pub.
Thinking specifically about birthdays, it would be odd if someone hosted a party I their own house and then expected guests to pay. Going out for a meal is no different.
explax@reddit
It is different though because you can't control the budget very well in a restaurant but you can at home.
Intrepid_Bearz@reddit
That’s exactly how I started to see it. It was a little strange at first, but 30 something years later it’s become normal. They’re coming out of celebrate my birthday so it’s my responsibility to pay, same as if I hosted them. It works out fine as the next person pays for theirs and oz forth. No idea why someone thought it was a rich persons thing as it all works out pretty much even throughout the year.
Prestigious_Elk353@reddit
I wonder if this is a wealth thing?
People with more money can do this without thinking and see it as hosting?
Intrepid_Bearz@reddit
Not wealthy at all. It’s just how our groups always worked. First time I tried it pay for someone’s else’s birthday I was shut down and told “that’s not how we do things!”
Prestigious_Elk353@reddit
interesting!
have not experienced it with either wealthier or less wealthy friends.
LowM93@reddit
That is mental.
Fun_Gas_7777@reddit
wow, brutal
CellistLow8857@reddit
This is diabolical
Fun_Gas_7777@reddit
Literally every meal as an adult ive been to has been everyone paying for their own food, unless its a date night
Fattydog@reddit
So you don’t collectively cover the meal of the person who’s celebrating their birthday? That’s unusual.
Chance-Bread-315@reddit
Nope I've never done that either. Would feel really uncomfortable about my friends paying for me if I'd invited them out!
Many_Income_2212@reddit
You split between everyone except the birthday girl or boy. Is it not common sense?
AdThat328@reddit
I'd say the person who's birthday it is would usually not pay anything...it would be split between everyone.
Sharp-Jellyfish5465@reddit
In our family, whoever issues the invite pays the bill.
For example if I invite my mum and dad out to dinner, I would foot the bill.
For birthdays, this usually means someone else organises the restaurant for the birthday boy/ girl.
explax@reddit
Family is different dynamics
iamabigtree@reddit
You always pay for your own. If there's anyone who isn't paying then it should be the person celebrating the birthday, not the other way around!
HumbleAddition3215@reddit
I've had the birthday person just order a load of stuff for the table and pay for everyone before. Found it unusual but sounds like it one way some people are raised to do.
CharmingSwing1366@reddit
we usually pay for our own and everyone splits the cost of the birthday person
audigex@reddit
Birthday person footing the bill is wild and I’ve never heard of that
Fluffy-Inside-4191@reddit
As adults it really depends what you all agree on.
Cupid_Stunt17@reddit
Split between group minus the birthday person. Everyone chips in for them
Good-Animal-6430@reddit
A nice in-between position is when the birthday person says they will buy a round. That also says they aren't covering the whole thing.
msac84@reddit (OP)
That’s smart!
luala@reddit
Absolutely insane to expect anyone to pay for everyone’s meal. Everyone pays for themselves.
badger906@reddit
I’m an adult, celebrating my birthday sounds lame especially when we all have one. It’s look a participation trophy.
yabyum@reddit
I seem to be missing out here then, when we go out for:
Mothers - i pay
Kids - I pay
Wife’s - I pay
Mine - I pay
Khaleesix87@reddit
We usually just split it and the bday person does not pay.
VolcanicBear@reddit
Anyone but the birthday person if it's not being split...
Inevitable_Thing_270@reddit
If they are going to foot the bill, they specify it before hand. Or they sneak off and pay it before anyone asks for the bill.
Otherwise you split the bill
gsko5000@reddit
Last time I was out on my birthday my pals paid for my meal.
DollySheep32@reddit
Everyone pays for their own meal/drinks unless otherwise specified.
INEKROMANTIKI@reddit
Depends.. friends? Usually everyone pays for themselves.. family? It's Usually the people closest to the person whose birthday it is will foot the bill
dan_in_his_own_way@reddit
I pay for the persons birthday it is and mine and my partners. Everyone else foots their own bill.
guIIy@reddit
Birthday boy / girl paying is norm for a lot of European countries but in England it gets split and you cover the birthday persons meal.
But then as I get older and we all earn more I’ve started covering it myself and seen it happen vice versa.
StIvian_17@reddit
I mean I didn’t pay for my birthday dinners as a child but I’ve never done this as an adult. You pay for yourself.
guIIy@reddit
just depends on your situation doesn’t it. You should also never expect it of anyone.
snarkforturtletime@reddit
This, it depends on your age / stage of life / how much you are all earning. If I’ve invited friends out to celebrate my birthday I prefer to pick up the bill. When I was in my 20s it was always split. 30s was where it started to change.
gyroda@reddit
Yeah, I earn a lot more than my siblings, my mum has been off work for a while and my grandparents are retired. If I invite them out for a meal I don't want to impose a cost on them so I'll at least try to pay in.
When I was younger and a student/unemployed/just starting out it was different.
Choice_Midnight1708@reddit
Amongst my friendship group, either the bill is simply divided equally, or more often, it'll get divided excluding the birthday person.
So 10 go out of dinner and we tell the waiter to divide it by 9 and collect 9th from everyone excluding the birthday person.
PKblaze@reddit
Depends on who is present.
If it's like a couple of people, you foot the bill for the birthday person. If it's a group ya can all split the bill (except the birthday person) or have someone cover the birthday person
schemmenti@reddit
Someone covers the bill and then everyone pays them back for themselves + a split of the birthday person.
Tall_Stick5608@reddit
Depends on how the whole thing is arranged - if a group of friends or family want to celebrate the persons birthday and make all the arrangements the birthday person doesn’t pay and it gets split amongst the group. However if you are invited as part of the collective you shouldn’t be forced to pay for the birthday person and should only pay for your share.
If the person celebrating invited people and arranges their own function then they shouldn’t expect the guests to pay.
If it’s a date, birthday or not and I am the man then I’m paying.
If it’s my birthday and my girlfriend has arranged something for me she will usually pay. Probably the only day of the year that she is happy to and I appreciate the thought.
Octoboy1@reddit
We've always done pay your own plus everyone chips in for the birthday person
cornishpixievomit@reddit
Our group pays for what they had but this is mostly due to one of the husbands in the group ordering the most expensive thing plus several sides and then expecting everyone else to cover it
Lonely-Job484@reddit
It's contextual. Default would be to assume splitting, potentially omitting the person who's birthday it is as a gift from the group to them.
But, if I invited a couple of friends out on what happened to be my birthday, I'd assume I was covering it unless I made it clear beforehand. You can't ambush people with unexpected cost. once it gets beyond 4-5 people though, the expectation should be that it'll be split.
onlysigneduptoreply@reddit
Split unless its a big birthday then it's like it's instead of a party so birthday person/ the party thrower pays
Broad-Section-8310@reddit
Depends on the circumstances?
My parents would pay for all birthday dinners in the family, because they are well-off + retired + would jump at any excuse for a family gathering.
With work colleagues, it's usually split except the birtday person who doesn't pay, because everyone earns roughly the same. The only exception is if it is the boss's birthday, then he/she pays.
IamlostlikeZoroIs@reddit
My wife and I go with my parents for a meal and sometime my sister and her partner.
Birthday couple doesn’t pay a thing and the rest is split equally between the other couples.
RegretEasy8846@reddit
wtf the birthday person should eat free of anything. I’ve never heard of the post 😂 that’s grim.
Tonybham01@reddit
The people going should agree beforehand. It’s saves a lot of misunderstandings and anger.
buttersnapsghee@reddit
Bill spilt & split bday persons meal cost amongst everyone else
socialistchampers@reddit
This 100%. If other people don’t want to split I’ll pay for the birthday person’s food outright. It may seem silly but if you don’t want to pay for your mate on their bday then what’s the point? It’s such a small one-time thing and it’s looking after them and making them feel appreciated as well. This is your community yk
jolittletime@reddit
100% this. Birthday person paying is ridiculous. Unless the birthday person has chosen a venue thay they know is too pricy for most of the guests. In that instance they should agree up front that they will pay.
Ridd1ey@reddit
This absolutely. Everyone pays their proportion of the bill and you all jointly cover whatever the birthday boy or girl has eaten.
3mptylord@reddit
Generally we split the bill between the total group size minus the birthday person, who obviously isn’t paying anything. Sometimes we do individual receipts and the birthday person pays for themselves, although even then someone usually volunteers to cover their bill.
The only time this has not been true was a foreign student who insisted he’d be paying when he invited everyone, since he wanted to go somewhere out of “student budget” but didn’t want people declining because of the price. A few people felt uncomfortable ordering when they weren’t paying, myself included. But I trusted he was prepared for the expense when he planned it, and he even ordered extra stuff for the table.
spiderham42@reddit
Whoever attends pays their share. If anythings being covered it would be the person who's birthday it is, if people are feeling generous.
evenifihateit@reddit
Depends on the norms in your friendship group
The idea that there is One Right Way to do this is daft
msac84@reddit (OP)
What if it’s a new friendship group?
Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit
Birthday person doesn't pay 😵💫
SpaTowner@reddit
If the birthday person set it up and invited people, they shouldn’t expect not to pay for at least their own meal.
confusing_roundabout@reddit
My dad's side of the family do that the birthday person always pays. I find that wild but at least they're consistent.
Princes_Slayer@reddit
When it’s a big number birthday, we invite family out to a meal to celebrate and we pay for everything. It’s no different than booking a party venue in our eyes. But it is clear that it’s a ‘we would like to invite you’…..and we have done invites for it.
If I go out with mates for a birthday, it’s either we all pay own way or pay own way and share cost of birthday persons grub
FreeBogwoppits@reddit
Birthday person doesn't pay. The guests pay for birthday person, unless the invite was along the lines of "Birthday person is having this event, you are invited to attend it".
Gullflyinghigh@reddit
Either everyone for their own or everyone for their own with the person celebrating having theirs split amongst everyone else. I can't understand why the birthday person would be expected to pay unless there's weird child logic going on along the lines of 'you invited me so it's on you'.
hotchy1@reddit
The only person not to pay at the table is the birthday person. We all split the rest.
ChrisRR@reddit
Whoever's telling you that you need to pay for everyone's meal on your birthday is taking the piss
Watchkeys@reddit
I think it depends on who suggested the meal. If it was my birthday and I chose to have a meal at a posh restaurant, and invited my friends, I'm not going to expect them to pay for my meal. I've invited them because I want to spend time with them, not because I want or need them to show their love via money.
If it was my birthday and my friends offered to take me out for a meal, I'd offer to pay for my meal, but I'd suspect that they might pay for it.
Under no circumstances would one person/party be paying for everyone else's meal.
barejokez@reddit
this, it is very situation dependent. i was onceinvited to a meal at a seriously posh michelin starred restaurant by a (more wealthy than me!) friend, and he paid for everyone - which was nice (and in my case necessary!).
but if he had invited us to a local curry house we would have paid for ourselves.
TheBald_Dude@reddit
I want to invite my friends to a nice place in my birthday, so I prefer to be the one to pay it all.
I don't want to worry about certain people not coming because they can't pay their share, I want them to enjoy and eat what they want.
When I'm going to a bd party I also feel bad if I don't bring a real present, paying the bd person share as a present feels so low-effort.
RaggamuffinTW8@reddit
In Portugal it's common for the birthday person to pay.
But in the UK the group typically splits the bill and pays the birthday persons share.
Bifanarama@reddit
Agreed. We invited a load of people to a restaurant in Portugal for a big birthday and almost everyone assumed that they didn't need to pay. Which, thankfully, was indeed the case!
RaggamuffinTW8@reddit
It's my (Portuguese) wife's 40rh birthday next weekend and we are having a party for 50 people with an open bar. It's going to cost me thousands!
Mav_Learns_CS@reddit
Unless the birthday person is in a wildly different financial situation this is weird as fuck.
You split the bill and the birthday persons is split and added to everyone else’s
Vequihellin@reddit
Depends who did the inviting. If the birthday person invites everyone out for a meal, it's implied they're paying unless specifically stated and discussed otherwise. If the birthday person is invited by a friend/relative/partner then it's implied that at the minimum the birthday person will be covered by the person who invited them.
But it's always best to clarify these things before the event, because it's not really reasonable to expect one person to cover a large group without at least checking with them.
Capt_Capital@reddit
if I'm out with mates for a friends birthday dinner. we all split the bill and pay for the birthday boy/girl.
Jonny_rhodes@reddit
I have never heard of birthday person paying for it all I’ve heard bill split, pay your own or guests cover the birthday person Never birthday person paying for everyone My last birthday I had family and 2 different friend group One group split and one wanted to split but cover my meal, family paid as whole group but not me Very confusing situation
Dull_Hawk9416@reddit
Different cultures. In SA if you invite people for a birthday meal you foot the bill. In the UK everyone pays for themselves
ohnobobbins@reddit
My husband had this problem with his family, they expected him to pay for everyone on his birthday. For context, at that point they were all well-off and he very much wasn’t.
That was the last time he suggested anything social for his birthday!
bigfanofmagicstars@reddit
Surely you Split and either someone pays for the bday girl/boy or you all pay a little extra to cover their meal?
destria@reddit
If it's a sit down meal where everyone ordered their own food, then it's split.
If it's like a hired room in a restaurant with catering, then the organiser (probably the birthday adult) pays. I wouldn't be expecting to get a bill for that as a guest.
rhaenerys_second@reddit
Generally the way we do it, is the rest of the table pays for the birthday person's meal between them.
rheasilva@reddit
Split among everyone who is NOT the birthday person.
tetlee@reddit
Not lived in the UK for a while, have they made it easier to split bills? Was always a pain
D0wnInAlbion@reddit
Yeh, they just bring the card machine to each person.
b135702@reddit
We usually split the bill between everyone apart from the birthday person who doesn't pay.
I think the birthday person paying is an American thing
Bloatville@reddit
Think it depends.
Like if it's my dad, he will insist on treating everyone, if it's me, my friends will insist I don’t pay because it's my birthday.
Sumpner@reddit
Each to their own
Time-Mode-9@reddit
Usually everyone but the birthday boy/girl pays.
thecrius@reddit
In Italy (varies by region) it's a split bill and the person whos birthdays we are celebrating is not paying.
Of course it also means that usually these dinners are not with tons of people, it's the closest friends and we trust each other to not have someone order the deluxe steak while the others order a pizza.
Grimreaper9972@reddit
Pay for your own share or if the birthdsy person is down on their luck friends pay for their own meals ajd the birthday persons .
zonked282@reddit
If it's a group of friends, then you Pay for yourself, and if anything the person whose birthday it is would get their meal covered
Lost_Ninja@reddit
Split, or the person who invites pays. I'd only ever go to one as the recipient if I ended up having to pay. I don't earn enough to pay for more than one or two other people. (And cook well enough that for the most part am happier at home anyway.)
TheBald_Dude@reddit
There is no correct answer here.
Some people split and pay the bd person's share as the present, others the bd person pays for everyone and instead receives a present from the guests.
If the bd person doesn't say beforehand that they are gonna foot the bill, then I would assume it's split.
MiserablePool1725@reddit
Most friend group’s birthday person pays for nothing! Everyone splits or pay your share including the birthday persons share.
Additional-Lion6969@reddit
Depends who arranged it
Yoguls@reddit
There's me, my wife and my child. If it's my child's birthday I pay, wifes birthday I pay, my birthday I pay. Adulting sucks
Ok_Aioli3897@reddit
Depends on if you assume that people can afford it or not.
dragoneggboy22@reddit
Depends - if the birthday person set it up for themselves then just like at an event/party/wedding then they pay.
If friends/family put it on for the birthday person, then the friends/family pay
Intrepid-Address-511@reddit
Everyone splits the bill and either the partner or bestie covers the birthday boy/girls meal or it’s split between everyone :)
Birthday girl/boy paying has never been a thing unless they happen to be rich and have offered to take their friends somewhere their friends could def not afford.
MrSmokii@reddit
who TF makes the birthday person pay? what kind of arsehole birthday present is that
i would say; not only split the bill, but the birthday celebrant gets theirs paid for, not the other way round.
Nickjc88@reddit
Everyone but the birthday boy/girl. I don't understand how people think the birthday boy/girl should pay. If a group of 20 mates go out for dinner, 1 person pays for that 20? For somewhere half decent to eat, you're looking at £50pp plus drinks. There's no way I'd be paying £1000+ on my birthday.
Flaky_Specialist1143@reddit
Everyone except the birthday person. We pay for them too
nashile@reddit
Everyone splits the bill except birthday person who has theirs for free
Pitiful-Ad5290@reddit
Had family meals for my 40th and 50th . I paid both . 50th was nearly £800 😱
WatchingTellyNow@reddit
To be made clear early on. I often pay on my own birthday, sometimes if it's a meal with my adult kids. But I know that's not the "usual" way, so make it clear up front so people know where they stand. Or if you're going to be paying, if you think people might take the piss, let them think everyone's paying for themselves.
Curious-Scholar4692@reddit
Wooooow what
Usually we either pay our own share, or split evenly? Then cover the birthday boy or girl
General-Balance-1046@reddit
If it’s a casual meal out then I’d say split and if everyone can afford then they will split the birthday persons meal as well. However, if it’s an event then it’s not unusual for the birthday person to pay. I’ve been to a few 50/60th birthday parties recently where they have hired a room for private dining and they have all been paid for (some with open bar).
Expert-Research-8022@reddit
I always pay for people on my birthday. But then when it’s someone else’s birthday I try and cover my expense and occasionally theirs for them. Yes I have a problem
hisokafan88@reddit
Depends on the situation I guess!
Whenever we do dinner as friends for a birthday, everyone splits it. Sometimes we get the odd friend who suggests we cover also the bday boy/girl.
But never heard of the person whose birthday it is footing the bill for a dinner. If they throw a full on party in a venue, I expect them to cover the costs of that but then there's an unwritten agreement that invited guests should bring gifts. It's just manners.
nrsys@reddit
It depends on the person who is having the birthday.
As a default I would always assume 'everyone splits the bill'.
But I have known some people who are reasonably well off and use their birthday as an excuse to take out their family and friends to treat them to a restaurant or their choice - this is much less common for sure, but not unheard of. I would never assume this unless explicitly mentioned though.
Przyer@reddit
Usually cover your own & a split for the birthday person. They don’t pay at all.
Like if my order was £24, I’d round it up and pay £30. Across everyone, that little extra tends to cover birthday persons order.
hanloj1@reddit
We went through similar on Christening, some paid but we'd to pay 95%. We expected to pay all to be honest.
scarletOwilde@reddit
It's agreed beforehand. Sometimes we split the bill (except for the birthday person), other times one party wants to pay.
blagsag@reddit
I’ve only heard Americans say that the birthday person pays for everyone.
zolo9@reddit
All adults (excluding the birthday person) split the bill
Fine-State8014@reddit
Split it between everyone except the person whose birthday it is.
mellonians@reddit
My friend group have normal birthdays at normal restaurants everyone pays and birthday person doesn't.
Milestone birthdays, birthday person pays.
BoldPrisonMikeScott@reddit
If it's, for example, my wife's birthday and we are out with her friends, then I would pay (and vice versa).
If it is a group of friends and it's one of their birthdays, split evenly minus the birthday boy/girl.
ihavetakenthebiscuit@reddit
You should be agreeing this before the meal takes place. Unless someone invites you and says, my treat, then you split the bill.
ydisrap@reddit
I think the best way is for everyone to pay for what they ordered, plus a little extra for the service charge. It’s simple, and fair. This way nobody gets taken advantage of, though hopefully you have friends who wouldn’t do that, and hopefully you’re not that person either.
AdMaleficent6813@reddit
Bill is always split when it's adults.
If I've let my kids invite a friend because it's my kids birthday, I obviously pay for the friends.
Owl-In-The-Sky@reddit
Unless the birthday person offers, we split the bill. Sometimes we all split for the birthday person’s meal as well, if we have enough money spare.
AdvanceAlive2103@reddit
We split between everyone except birthday peep
waynownow@reddit
Always assume you are splitting the bill until told otherwise. Applies to all situations, including this one.
Prudent-Pressure2146@reddit
We’d always split the bill and maybe cover the birthday persons dinner if it’s a birthday that ends in 0.
I’ve personally never adhered to the ‘someone’s inviting me out so they’re covering it’ rule, I always assume I’m paying for myself.
CellistLow8857@reddit
Birthday person shouldn’t pay for everyone else?! You split the bill and all cover a share of birthday’s meal so they get a treat on their birthday!
UsedTinyPrincess@reddit
birthday person shouldn’t pay, right?
eternal_entropy@reddit
Paying for other people’s food… in this economy?!
Yeah, I always assume it’s a split the bill situation until told otherwise.
mrsilver76@reddit
Split equally or, sometimes, split over one less so the birthday person doesn’t have to pay.
I’ve never experienced the birthday person paying for everyone and I wouldn’t ever expect it.
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