ULPT Request: how to help my cat win fights.
Posted by Existing-Wallaby6305@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 35 comments
My cat loves hanging out in the yard. He watches the birds and sleeps in the hedges and hangs out with the neighbours cat.
Now a new scat has moved into the neighbourhood. And they keep getting into fights. I don’t know if my cat is giving as good as he’s getting but I want to help him in his quest.
How can I resolve this issue? Don’t say keep him inside. I’m here for action not surrender.
West-Sound405@reddit
throw a piss disc to assert dominance. if that doesn’t work, just start taking bets at your backyard cat fight arena
maxiderm@reddit
Teach your cat jiu jitsu. He'll be unbeatable.
AK_Sole@reddit
I believe it’s called meow mewtsu in this context.
Don_Loco@reddit
You can train/excersise your cat. Running, jumping easy with some laserpointer and other toys to train catching (same movement as hitting with the paw). Also use toys without strings that you can hold in your hand (for first time catowners I recommend gloves) to train pull/push.
Don_Loco@reddit
Keep in mind that this is something a catowner shouöd do anyways, to keep his pet active and healthy. With the territorial disputes there are a few factors to consider additionally: The breed of your and of the other cat, the gender, age (experience) and size and if they're neutered (marking of territory). You can help your cat defending its/your territory with a simple waterpistol
EpponeeRae@reddit
Make sure to play "Eye of the Tiger" while doing this, to get him in the correct mindset.
magic-shroomman@reddit
You're a horrible pet owner. Hope your cat runs away and gets a new family
OverTheDump@reddit
You should hear my unethical life pro tip of trapping the neighborhood outdoor cats and dropping them off at the animal rescue every week. No more irresponsible owners letting their pets into nature!
BednarsTwin@reddit
Then I let my own cat to run the entire hood. 4D chess. ♟️
Thicknineinchh@reddit
Get him a second junkyard cat to hangout with him outside then they can both whip the other cats ass tag team style.
UnethicalLifeProTips-ModTeam@reddit
Edit removal reason
Deep-Hovercraft6716@reddit
Okay, you're going to need to get a puppy for a medium to large sized dog. Then raise the puppy with the cat as his primary companion. Feed them together, play with them together, make them inseparable.
Cat now has dog bodyguard for life.
No joke. We used this system to keep our barn cats safe from coyotes.
A_S_Levin@reddit
Had to put down my cat recently. But had a similar thing going with my dog.
(My cat was a bully) But during the day neighbours cats would come into my yard and start shit with my cat, I'd just send me dog outside and he'd chase off the other cat then come check on his buddy
Niniva73@reddit
Spike collar? Some of them are real, as opposed to punk aesthetic.
A_S_Levin@reddit
Def spike collar.
Id also up his food. And start taking him for massive walks on lead. Give him the Rocky routine
Icy_Item_9132@reddit
You also need to push him down and let him get up again and then push him down and...
binglelemon@reddit
A_S_Levin@reddit
And maybe use treats to get him jumping up & down a tall dresser. 5 sets of 5, a few times a day (treats after each set)
markboats@reddit
Rocky theme intensifies...
Icy_Item_9132@reddit
Pa. Pa-pa-pa. Pa-pa-pa. Pa-pa puuummmm.
Niniva73@reddit
I've seen cats take to a lead with gusto! Def was not expecting it from a farm cat who just moved in one day. But the ol gal is a dream on a lead.
BednarsTwin@reddit
Once I kidnapped the neiocat that was beating up mine. Dropped him off at the human society (no kill shelter) and his owners had to pay to get him out.
They decided the $$ wasn’t worth it and kept him inside after that. My cat went back to running the neighborhood.
BednarsTwin@reddit
Correction - the “neighbor’s” cat. Don’t know what autocorrect thought a “neiocat” was.
Nerdsamwich@reddit
Sounds like a Korean cartoon.
Doktorbees@reddit
Give your cat a gun.
Realistic_Gear7162@reddit
Gain the trust of the rival cat and then clip their claws so they are dull. I do this to my own cat because he's a big bully.
MalevolentAnemone@reddit
Have him make friends with a coyote. Instant bodyguard. Bonus: you don’t have to worry about coyotes.
gartlandish@reddit
He needs a leather jacket for plus 5 armor.
internet_hero_yams@reddit
your cat obviously needs rex kwon do and some hype music
ohhellopia@reddit
Give your cat a piss disk, you help him win the fight for a day. Teach your cat how to make a piss disk, he wins the battle in all 9 lifetimes.
A_S_Levin@reddit
Ah the ooollldd piss disk!
RigelXVI@reddit
Take him to judo lessons
nogardleirie@reddit
Get him shoes with knives to extend his claws
musicissweeter@reddit
Attach a voice changer in front of your cat's mouth. Select 'Tiger'.
CracklingKraken@reddit
Stick rusted shivs with supergloo to his paws. Broken glass is also an option if you're shivs are not corrosive enough.