There will be a sign up sheet to be a shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch model who hangs out in front of the store.
The kids come to visit: "Grandpa! What the hell? Put your shirt back on! Why are you standing out here in the walkway half naked? Do you need help finding your room?"
"Sucks to that, young blood! You're just jelly that your grandpa's still got it cracka lackin! Look at all these fine honeys I'm pulling in with my fly style!"
Every mall I know of is filled with black mold, be better to tear them down and rebuild than to convert, but no one has the money to even tear them down and let the lot be empty, so the buildings just rot.
A mall semi-local to me in the past year kicked out what was left in it except the Rural King at the one end because the waterlines in the building were busted and the owners don't want to fix it and I am assuming that the Rural King at the end of the building to gets water fed in separate from the rest of the building or is the first tap coming into the building. Either way a giant waste of a building and land.
This was actually what malls where supposed to
be. The engineer who designed them imagined indoor town centers. Children could play in the middle in parks, grocery stores, and banks would
Be there as well as small retail. Apartments would be on the upper floor.
They can't and won't. Hedge funds, and landlords own your nostalgia - and your childhood.
Unless your amazing insurance guarantees your senile mind an endless Charles Entertainment Cheese experience, it's likely you'll end up in a decaying person storage facility, or in the gutter scooping up any chemical relief you can find.
This is your friendly reminder that the president and everyone who facilitates him is a criminal, pedophile, or both.
When we're all huddled in the candlelit dark playing board games to lift our spirits while war happens above us, you'll be the guy who feels the need to flip the board and tell everyone they're living in hell.
Trust me, we're all aware the country is crumbling. Let us have a little comfort.
Just some advice you can take or leave: I realized awhile back that we don’t have to constantly remind ourselves that we currently live in a late stage capitalist hellscape. If we’re as fucked as it seems, there’s no point in dwelling on it
Yeah, that's fair. I also numb myself, when I feel hopeless. However, this idealistic nostalgia is also insulting nonsense to those of us who remember what mace tastes like and the violence defending clayoquot, G8, fairy creek, and on and on. I get it, we all have bills to pay. But c'mon bro
I would genuinely like this - malls are generally wheelchair accessible, have a lot of accessibility benefits in general, especially the bathrooms. Also, I could still ride my bike and pull my husband along on his longboard (we still do this).
I had a dream last night I was enjoying a delicious and refreshing original Orange Julius and when I woke up I was so damn disappointed. There isn’t one anywhere close by and I’m eternally salty about it.
Kinda_Quixotic@reddit
Watch the Black Mirror Episode “San Junipero”
AccidentalSister@reddit
That is my favorite black mirror episode, it made me ugly cry
AccidentalSister@reddit
Yes yes but I require there to be a Natural Wonders and a Sbarro’s Pizza
MadamInsta@reddit
Saw a tv program about a mall converted to residential living. Occupants weren't allowed to have stoves/ovens due to fire risk.
Kinda makes it tough to live and eat at home.
Make sure your Mallpartment has a stove. 🧐
No-Dig-4408@reddit
Won't need an oven if the food court's open! :D
MadamInsta@reddit
I bet that's the reason why. Cha Ching for the food court. 💰💰💰💰💰💰💰
Junie_Wiloh@reddit
Not me picturing a bunch of elderly Gen X/Early Millennials wearing Spencer's and Hot Topic. I shuddered at the thought lol
sixfourtykilo@reddit
Not really any worse than classic Pac-Sun, Wilson's Leather or Chess King.
pxFloof@reddit
Omg yes please
Sea2Chi@reddit
There will be a sign up sheet to be a shirtless Abercrombie & Fitch model who hangs out in front of the store.
The kids come to visit: "Grandpa! What the hell? Put your shirt back on! Why are you standing out here in the walkway half naked? Do you need help finding your room?"
"Sucks to that, young blood! You're just jelly that your grandpa's still got it cracka lackin! Look at all these fine honeys I'm pulling in with my fly style!"
"Oh no... I think grandpa's gone senile, he's talking nonsense again."
edasto42@reddit
They’ve already started renovating a mall by me to be mixed use housing and retail etc.
manchagnu@reddit
this is the best idea (and its not even close) for dealing with my mid life crisis. LFG!!!
CharlesChamp@reddit
Every mall I know of is filled with black mold, be better to tear them down and rebuild than to convert, but no one has the money to even tear them down and let the lot be empty, so the buildings just rot.
Rust_Bucket37@reddit
A mall semi-local to me in the past year kicked out what was left in it except the Rural King at the one end because the waterlines in the building were busted and the owners don't want to fix it and I am assuming that the Rural King at the end of the building to gets water fed in separate from the rest of the building or is the first tap coming into the building. Either way a giant waste of a building and land.
onerepmax@reddit
Add a casino and a pool and it's a cruise ship.
aweedl@reddit
All I need is the food court and three different record stores and I’m in. Turn the rest into green space or something.
--Citation-Needed--@reddit
You had me at Orange Julius
WasteOfBerries@reddit
Add a Manchu Wok and I'm down
Disastrous-Bee-1557@reddit
And a Sarku Japan, so that every morning when I’m doing my power walk I can stop and get a toothpick full of Chicken Teriyaki.
MunkyDawg@reddit
Sarku puts crack or something in their teriyaki sauce. I could drink that stuff.
deefunkt01@reddit
Yeah, it's called MSG, lol.
trustme1maDR@reddit
IDK I worked at the mall in high school so I would hate this.
Puzzleheaded_Race_90@reddit
Can I afford it if i work in the arcade? That would be a win/ win
Scoginsbitch@reddit
This was actually what malls where supposed to be. The engineer who designed them imagined indoor town centers. Children could play in the middle in parks, grocery stores, and banks would Be there as well as small retail. Apartments would be on the upper floor.
They would be incredible retirement communities.
Trashbagok@reddit
Y'all have retirement money?
DigDugged@reddit
Nope, that's why we're talking about retiring in defunct malls.
Esternaefil@reddit
Where we will also be the workers...
"Do you want a fresh cold Orange Julius with your DQ Triple Burger combo?"
Kickatthedarkness@reddit
Someone has to work the stores
SevereDeparture739@reddit
Don't forget the smell. A trifecta of cigarettes, Mrs. Fields cookies, and perm solution just like the old days.
RelevantNothing4653@reddit
Lounge showing classic TGIF shows
Esternaefil@reddit
Boy meets world and Sabrina the Teenage Witch 24/7 channel plz.
Basic-Pair8908@reddit
And old skool mtv music vids
1nhaleSatan@reddit
They can't and won't. Hedge funds, and landlords own your nostalgia - and your childhood.
Unless your amazing insurance guarantees your senile mind an endless Charles Entertainment Cheese experience, it's likely you'll end up in a decaying person storage facility, or in the gutter scooping up any chemical relief you can find.
This is your friendly reminder that the president and everyone who facilitates him is a criminal, pedophile, or both.
FacePalmTheater@reddit
When we're all huddled in the candlelit dark playing board games to lift our spirits while war happens above us, you'll be the guy who feels the need to flip the board and tell everyone they're living in hell.
Trust me, we're all aware the country is crumbling. Let us have a little comfort.
1nhaleSatan@reddit
Because you're lazy. You get exactly what you earned.
Derrick_Mur@reddit
Just some advice you can take or leave: I realized awhile back that we don’t have to constantly remind ourselves that we currently live in a late stage capitalist hellscape. If we’re as fucked as it seems, there’s no point in dwelling on it
1nhaleSatan@reddit
Yeah, that's fair. I also numb myself, when I feel hopeless. However, this idealistic nostalgia is also insulting nonsense to those of us who remember what mace tastes like and the violence defending clayoquot, G8, fairy creek, and on and on. I get it, we all have bills to pay. But c'mon bro
beeswax_swiffer@reddit
Throw in a B Dalton bookseller and you’ve got yourself a deal.
joseNeo-4@reddit
Best idea of the century.
Regular-Table4242@reddit
Hell yeah, I’m 49 I’ll move in as soon as I turn 55
bikeonychus@reddit
I would genuinely like this - malls are generally wheelchair accessible, have a lot of accessibility benefits in general, especially the bathrooms. Also, I could still ride my bike and pull my husband along on his longboard (we still do this).
JazzlikeAd1555@reddit
Skate park and on site hip replacement
bikeonychus@reddit
Ha! Already had a hip replacement - I need a mechanics now.
rdogg_82@reddit
Hip replacement clinic by the skatepark called Hip Flip.
three-sense@reddit
Today on Logistics Nightmares
lazypenguin86@reddit
It’s actually really easy to convert malls to residential areas all the infrastructure is in place
klitchell@reddit
They have things like this, once you get Dimentia. They call it snappy names like “ the neighborhood “.
TumbleDownShaq@reddit
mtnmanfletcher@reddit
This is the answer. Just need investments to start the reno. I want to live in the one with a water park.
1ndomitablespirit@reddit
We're the ones who lead the charge for killing malls.
anjowoq@reddit
Sounds like it will feel like the Backrooms.
Seven22am@reddit
And oldies playing, like Counting Crows, Run-DMC, and Alanis.
Kickatthedarkness@reddit
Oldies? I just heard them on the King Biscuit Flour Hour!
witcheringways@reddit
I had a dream last night I was enjoying a delicious and refreshing original Orange Julius and when I woke up I was so damn disappointed. There isn’t one anywhere close by and I’m eternally salty about it.
FoppyRETURNS@reddit
Thank local zoning and environmental NIMBY laws
Correct-Degree-6789@reddit
You might be on to something! Id retire there, except retirement wont exist for Gen-x'ers and, (Sniff sniff.) neither will this...
The--Verse@reddit
love the idea just throw in a Blockbuster and it's perfect
Bubbly_Wave_4049@reddit
I'm down for it!
Muleahcar@reddit
If the mall by me built one I’d buy a contract for it tomorrow.