Let’s fucking do this.

The kids come to visit: "Grandpa! What the hell? Put your shirt back on! Why are you standing out here in the walkway half naked? Do you need help finding your room?"

"Sucks to that, young blood! You're just jelly that your grandpa's still got it cracka lackin! Look at all these fine honeys I'm pulling in with my fly style!"

"Oh no... I think grandpa's gone senile, he's talking nonsense again."

[-]

edasto42@reddit

They’ve already started renovating a mall by me to be mixed use housing and retail etc.

[-]

manchagnu@reddit

this is the best idea (and its not even close) for dealing with my mid life crisis. LFG!!!

[-]

Every mall I know of is filled with black mold, be better to tear them down and rebuild than to convert, but no one has the money to even tear them down and let the lot be empty, so the buildings just rot.

[-]

Rust_Bucket37@reddit

A mall semi-local to me in the past year kicked out what was left in it except the Rural King at the one end because the waterlines in the building were busted and the owners don't want to fix it and I am assuming that the Rural King at the end of the building to gets water fed in separate from the rest of the building or is the first tap coming into the building. Either way a giant waste of a building and land.

[-]

onerepmax@reddit

Add a casino and a pool and it's a cruise ship.

[-]

aweedl@reddit

All I need is the food court and three different record stores and I’m in. Turn the rest into green space or something.

[-]

--Citation-Needed--@reddit

You had me at Orange Julius

[-]

WasteOfBerries@reddit

Add a Manchu Wok and I'm down

[-]

Disastrous-Bee-1557@reddit

And a Sarku Japan, so that every morning when I’m doing my power walk I can stop and get a toothpick full of Chicken Teriyaki.

[-]

MunkyDawg@reddit

Sarku puts crack or something in their teriyaki sauce. I could drink that stuff.

[-]

deefunkt01@reddit

Yeah, it's called MSG, lol.

[-]

trustme1maDR@reddit

IDK I worked at the mall in high school so I would hate this.

[-]

Puzzleheaded_Race_90@reddit

Can I afford it if i work in the arcade? That would be a win/ win

[-]

Scoginsbitch@reddit

This was actually what malls where supposed to be. The engineer who designed them imagined indoor town centers. Children could play in the middle in parks, grocery stores, and banks would Be there as well as small retail. Apartments would be on the upper floor.

They would be incredible retirement communities.

[-]

Trashbagok@reddit

Y'all have retirement money?

[-]

DigDugged@reddit

Nope, that's why we're talking about retiring in defunct malls.

[-]

Esternaefil@reddit

Where we will also be the workers...

"Do you want a fresh cold Orange Julius with your DQ Triple Burger combo?"

[-]

Kickatthedarkness@reddit

Someone has to work the stores

[-]

SevereDeparture739@reddit

Don't forget the smell. A trifecta of cigarettes, Mrs. Fields cookies, and perm solution just like the old days.

[-]

RelevantNothing4653@reddit

Lounge showing classic TGIF shows

[-]

Esternaefil@reddit

Boy meets world and Sabrina the Teenage Witch 24/7 channel plz.

[-]

Basic-Pair8908@reddit

And old skool mtv music vids

[-]

1nhaleSatan@reddit

They can't and won't. Hedge funds, and landlords own your nostalgia - and your childhood.

Unless your amazing insurance guarantees your senile mind an endless Charles Entertainment Cheese experience, it's likely you'll end up in a decaying person storage facility, or in the gutter scooping up any chemical relief you can find.

This is your friendly reminder that the president and everyone who facilitates him is a criminal, pedophile, or both.

[-]

FacePalmTheater@reddit

When we're all huddled in the candlelit dark playing board games to lift our spirits while war happens above us, you'll be the guy who feels the need to flip the board and tell everyone they're living in hell.

Trust me, we're all aware the country is crumbling. Let us have a little comfort.

[-]

1nhaleSatan@reddit

Because you're lazy. You get exactly what you earned.

[-]

Derrick_Mur@reddit

Just some advice you can take or leave: I realized awhile back that we don’t have to constantly remind ourselves that we currently live in a late stage capitalist hellscape. If we’re as fucked as it seems, there’s no point in dwelling on it

[-]

1nhaleSatan@reddit

Yeah, that's fair. I also numb myself, when I feel hopeless. However, this idealistic nostalgia is also insulting nonsense to those of us who remember what mace tastes like and the violence defending clayoquot, G8, fairy creek, and on and on. I get it, we all have bills to pay. But c'mon bro

[-]

beeswax_swiffer@reddit

Throw in a B Dalton bookseller and you’ve got yourself a deal.

[-]

joseNeo-4@reddit

Best idea of the century.

[-]

Regular-Table4242@reddit

Hell yeah, I’m 49 I’ll move in as soon as I turn 55

[-]

bikeonychus@reddit

I would genuinely like this - malls are generally wheelchair accessible, have a lot of accessibility benefits in general, especially the bathrooms. Also, I could still ride my bike and pull my husband along on his longboard (we still do this).

[-]

JazzlikeAd1555@reddit

Skate park and on site hip replacement

[-]

bikeonychus@reddit

Ha! Already had a hip replacement - I need a mechanics now.

[-]

rdogg_82@reddit

Hip replacement clinic by the skatepark called Hip Flip.

[-]

three-sense@reddit

Today on Logistics Nightmares

[-]

lazypenguin86@reddit

It’s actually really easy to convert malls to residential areas all the infrastructure is in place

[-]

klitchell@reddit

They have things like this, once you get Dimentia. They call it snappy names like “ the neighborhood “.

[-]

TumbleDownShaq@reddit

This isn’t as crazy as it sounds, doubt there’d be enough buildings left by the time we retire to do it right, but conceptually this makes sense.
This is a killer movie concept, I mean…it potentially has it all.
If this were a reality, I might start smoking darts again just so I could flirt with all the elderly Amys, Nicoles and Beckys I whiffed on in ‘94.

[-]