What’s one thing your parents did (or didn’t do), that you took for granted as a kid, but as an adult you really appreciate?
Posted by JustAGreenDreamer@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 83 comments
Here’s mine: my parents never once tried to censor what music I listened to. Never batted an eyelash at weird shit or explicit lyrics. I know now that I was so lucky to be given the freedom to explore and love music.
GetrIndia@reddit
They both worked so my mom taught me how to cook (check the oven before you preheat, has saved me many times) how to do laundry, had to take care of the pets alone etc when I moved away for university I was amazed how many adults had no clue or basic self preservation.
selphiekupo@reddit
LMAO my mom taught me the check before preheating by burning clothing more times than I can count! Thankfully modern propane ovens are far more efficient/no longer stay constantly warm and dry or she'd likely have burned the house down by now.
TrixieBastard@reddit
She stores clothes in the oven?
selphiekupo@reddit
Dries. I grew up in an off grid house in the Hawaiian jungle. Old propane stoves/ovens, at least the ones mom had, relied on a very inefficient pilot lights that were always on/lit, leaving the oven kinda like dryer warm and dry without the tumbling. Since hanging clothes on the line didn't work great due to humidity, she'd put her next day's clothes in the oven to dry overnight, iron them in the am, and be set. Except when she put clothes in, forgot, and turned on the oven to bake. It happened more frequently than I care to recall. My silk shirt smelled especially icky when it got baked with a polyester skirt!
Trick-Session2388@reddit
I had to teach my dorm mate how to do her own laundry. She got a betta fish as a pet and decided she couldn't take care of it, so she took it to her mom in Dallas. I guess that's better than letting the fish die, but it did speak volumes about her level of irresponsibility. I don't think she'd ever really stepped out of the house before she was in college.
fakesaucisse@reddit
My dad spent almost all of his free time with me, often getting me out of the house for hours at a time, and also would pick me up from school at lunchtime to grab pizza once a week. Much later in life I realized he did it because he could see how emotionally abusive my mom was to me and he wanted me to get out of that environment for some peace and to show that I had one parent that cared. They were staunchly Catholic and wouldn't divorce so it was the next best thing he could do.
My mom died when I was a teen and as soon as that happened he started letting me do all the things my mom wouldn't. He let me wear gothy clothes, shave half of my head and dye the other half, listen to whatever music I liked (and he introduced me to some of my long time favorites like Talking Heads), wear makeup, and stop going to church. He let me hang out with my friends outside of the house, and didn't give me a curfew because he trusted me.
He gave me so much confidence and love after a childhood of abuse and chaos.
--Citation-Needed--@reddit
I wish my dad had done that
DirtyBirdDawg@reddit
Your dad sounds like an absolutely awesome guy.
2099AD@reddit
My parents divorced when I was young, but always remained friends. Mom never changed her last name back, and still has my dad's name to this day.
And, in fact, she'd come back into town to stay with my dad by his hospital bed during his last days. She also led his funeral, and spoke of him with nothing but love in her heart as we all said goodbye.
They didn't have a failed marriage. They had a very successful one that evolved into something else as they grew and evolved into different people, and the marriage was keeping them from growing. They both became much better people after they split.
Also, they both taught me a good mix of around-the-house things, like how to do my own laundry, and how to make a dollar stretch, and the secret to good pasta sauce is a couple tablespoons of sugar.
Also, how to change a tire. That's come up way more than I ever would have expected. I don't even drive, but I've changed tires for so many friends who just didn't know how. Learn to change a tire.
lakatos_intolerant@reddit
My parents exposed me to so much great music growing up. I am very grateful for their excellent taste across the board in music.
BigBubbaMac@reddit
My dad taught me how to live by living. That mans resilience is amazing.
PuppyJakeKhakiCollar@reddit
Encouraged us to think for ourselves and use critical thinking/question things. They also told us you don't have to get married or have kids if you don't want to. As a woman, I really appreciate that last one since girls are bombarded with the messages that being a wife and mom is what women do and that being single was bad.
LaLa_820@reddit
I was raised this way too. I passed this thinking to my son. Let us be free! I’ve been married for 28 years and we’ve been happy because I never forced the perfect woman mindset on myself and my husband wasn’t raised like that either.
SpoonFullOfSugar1111@reddit
Flair?
-OccultOfPersonality@reddit
This for me, as well as not forcing any kind of religious/spiritual beliefs on us. Just told us to think of consequences and be good. I love them so much for that.
abbydabbydo@reddit
My dad encouraged me to write lists. One is what I would do as a parent - not a single line item is what I would do now. I don’t necessarily appreciate the exercise as much as I appreciate what my parents were up against.
Alien_Nicole@reddit
Despite being a broke, single mother, she kept me stable in the same school from K-8. I was an EXTREMELY anxious kid and I am positive it would have been so much worse if I had to switch schools and move a lot when I was little.
pls_send_caffeine@reddit
Two major things (so many things really, but narrowing it down to two):
1) The times we did get to go out to eat, it was usually a restaurant with non-American food. It exposed my brother and I to a lot of different foods and flavors from an early age. This is more common now, at least in large metropolitan areas, but it was pretty rare back in the 80s.
2) I was allowed to stay awake up to two hours past my bedtime if I was in bed reading. It fostered a lifelong love of reading and I was always the fastest reader in my classes. And most of the time the reading helped me fall asleep faster (though there were definitely a few nights where I was up until 1am reading with a flashlight under the covers!).
evenifihateit@reddit
My parents are not religious. My mum is agnostic, my dad is atheist (you can quibble the definition but he is absolutely, 100%, without a doubt certain that there is no god of any form) and both of them are fairly anti-theist. Yet when as a child I asked to start going to church and a Sunday school they found a local one, signed me up, always made sure I had nice clothes and money for the collection plate for services, would come to family services when asked. attended when asked things like the picnics and days out the church ran and never let on for a moment that they thought it was a load of bullshit. They knew it mattered to me at that point and they put that beyond their genuinely and quite strongly held beliefs about religion in general and churches in particular. When I lost any semblance of faith and wanted to stop attending they didn't make a big deal of that either. I assumed their approach was the norm: the longer I live the more I know it really isn't and I appreciate them for this so very much.
Dickrubin14094@reddit
I’ll forever be grateful that my parents made me open a Roth IRA when I was 18. They put in the initial deposit and for many, many years I could only afford $25/month.
I did that same thing for my son 3 years ago.
wtfftw1042@reddit
my parents let me dye my hair and read any book I could acquire.
AlissonHarlan@reddit
Home Made meal every day. Twice most days.
How can Someone have that much energy?
cashews_clay15@reddit
My mom didn’t talk shit about my dad (divorced when I was 5), even though he constantly bad mouthed her to me.
ouijahead@reddit
I talk my x-wife up to my daughter. Tell her that her mom is cool and I always thought she was beautiful. My ex has been poisoning my daughter against me since she was a little girl. My ex wife has done egregious things to me and my family since our divorce. But I still choose to take the high road.
What she doesn’t understand is, when you bad mouth the other parent, the child internalizes that. It makes them feel like that ‘they’ are somehow bad because they have bad parent. It’s very harmful to a child’s development and toxic. Now I get it if the other parent is truly a danger and it’s for their safety or something like that. But leave your drama out of it.
I can’t speak for other states, but in mine, when parents get divorced, they get several strict judges orders. From no alcohol around the kid to making them get to school on time. What’s the number one very first rule above all the many others ? Do not disparage the other parent. It’s that important.
Funwithfun14@reddit
Opposite parents but same experience.
ThatDog_ThisDog@reddit
Same
Trick-Session2388@reddit
My parents are still married but my mom constantly talks shit about my dad and belittles him. He claims it doesn't bother him but it absolutely bothers me.
Can your mom, like, give my mom some lessons?
VaselineHabits@reddit
It's just about what you prioritize. My dad never bad mouthed my mother and she eventually dipped out all together.
When I got divorced, he said, "No matter how you feel, don't say it - your kid will remember"
I imagine someone imparted that wisdom onto him during the divorce, but it helped me tremendously as a kid that didn't grow up with it and someone who could see keeping their child happy/comfortable was more important than what I was feeling in that moment.
Maybe she needs a hobby and/or he a divorce?
Trick-Session2388@reddit
She absolutely needs a hobby. She treats alcohol like a hobby, but that is absolutely not making anything better. I honestly think she's depressed, but that will never be a successful conversation that I can have with her.
OtherlandGirl@reddit
My Mom was the same way, and as I got older I understood exactly how much she could’ve said and didn’t.
I’m still glad she didn’t and let me figure it out for myself.
caramelpupcorn@reddit
Your Mom is a true lady. What a gem.
ouijahead@reddit
My dad gave me privacy when I had a girl in my room. I’m sure their parents probably wouldn’t appreciate it though.
Dandibear@reddit
They taught us to recognize and manage our emotions healthily. They taught us to read each other's emotions and act accordingly with kindness. And they taught us about healthy boundaries.
We knew we had great parents but still had no idea how rare and valuable this all was.
Evendim@reddit
Fruits and vegetables. After school our snack would be a plate of fruit and veges. It sounds ridiculous, and I guess relatively obvious, but not everyone had that. My husband for example never ever thinks to eat fruit, and it is like introducing him to a world of new flavours.
Open communication. I can tell Mum anything. Lots of friends hid everything from their parents, I didn't have to. She is still my best friend.
Safety. If I ever felt unsafe, at any time of day, I could call her to come get me.
TheTacoInquisition@reddit
It was always drummed into us, that nomatter what time it was, what we'd been doing, or what trouble we might be in, if we were not feeling safe or couldn't get home to phone and someone would come get us.
Getting home safe and knowing it didn't come with strings attached was THE most important thought they wanted us to have.
Trick-Session2388@reddit
That's so nice. I could not and still cannot go to my mom for any kind of emotional support.
Evendim@reddit
I am sorry, I really wish I could share my Mum with more people. I know I have bias, but I truly believe she is one of the best people in existence.
I do understand the difficulties of not having that, from more of an outside perspective, in that my husband had no relationship with his mother at the end. He has said to me more than once that my Mum was more of a mother to him than his ever was.
I am not a mother, but I do my best to model her as a high school teacher.
Reasonable-Wave8093@reddit
🙌
sunrise_parabellum@reddit
Read to us when we were little then encouraged us to read for ourselves
Moxie_Stardust@reddit
I'm glad I grew up without religion and that they didn't push me into sports.
minussized@reddit
Love of food and cooking. My mom is an amazing cook and my family always had dinner together. My dad died when I was young and my mom went back school shortly after, and even during her busiest semesters we’d still eat together even if it was just frozen pizza.
One of my best memories is her teaching me how to make fresh pasta. We rolled it out with a rolling pin, cut it by hand, and served it with pesto we made with the basil in our garden. To this day, I cook pasta to find relief from the stress of modern life.
I credit my mom for giving me a good relationship with food - I neither over- nor under-eat and I’ve always been a healthy weight, and I LOVE food! Might not have this experience if I’d been raised in a dieting household, or one where the food sucked.
codebygloom@reddit
My single mother showing up to all my sports games (unless unavoidable because of work) and insisting that I enroll in sports.
Nicotheintern1@reddit
Mum wasn't concerned when I started cussing in 6th grade. Dad has JUST gotten comfortable hearing me do it in my 40s. Mum would say, "Your feelings have to go SOMEWHERE. I'd rather it be in words."
She also stormed the teacher when I called my 6th grade PHYSICAL bully a "bitch". Catholic schools. He ran crying to the teacher. I used a "bad word". Mum was full of righteous rage.
Dad would correct me when I used "like" as a filler word. Now I use fuck and I remember my aunt saying, "Your mother was creative in her swearing. She always surprised us."
noonesaidityet@reddit
My parents never forced a political party on me. The majority of my family, on both sides, are Republican, so I'm the black sheep. Mom leans right, Dad is a bit more center-right. They rarely talked politics at home, but when they did it was never "This is a Republican house" bull.
selphiekupo@reddit
My mom taught by example how NOT to adult. So far it's served me well(ish).
Now dad, he taught me to just be a decent human being and just treat people nicely even if you don't agree with them. Didn't realize it at the time, but that skill has served me very well as an adult.
Weird_Squirrel_8382@reddit
My mom didn't fully trust modern medicine, but she worked hard to have a job that provided coverage for it,. I'm much better off than I would be if she hadn't paid for medication and therapy.
_buffy_summers@reddit
When I got my first job, I started buying myself makeup and hair dye. My mom complained once to my dad about how I was spending my money on "frivolous" things. My dad told her, "She worked to earn that money, she can do whatever she wants with it." My mother, by the way, once spent an entire paycheck on lottery tickets. Prior to her whining about my spending habits.
drainbamage1011@reddit
If I had a question about something, they told me to look it up. Not in an "I don't have time for your bullshit" way, but to encourage me to be curious, to seek out knowledge, and to know where to look for it.
BetterThanAFoon@reddit
They taught me avoiding debt. They didn't teach me much about financials but avoiding spending what you don't have was a huge benefit.
Especially as I see some of my adult friends struggling with debt really based from poor decisions.
OrangeBlackMilk@reddit
kept the house clean...started appreciating it when I went over to friends' houses whose parents never cleaned
cmgww@reddit
Basic car maintenance. Been changing my own oil since I had my license. Knowing how to change brake pads. Drain and fill radiator, transmission, etc. Swapped exhausts on a sports car I owned in my 30s. It’s easier these days with YouTube tutorials….but it has saved me a ton of $$ over the years even though I didn’t love doing it back then. My only regret was not doing more, my brother and dad spent 3 years just them, as I was off to college. He can REALLY work on an engine.
TestDZnutz@reddit
Dad's strategy in the divorce was to leave her everything so the lawyer's kids didn't get it.
Vivid-Individual5968@reddit
My mother told me to always keep my money separate and have at the least a part time job so that I never felt that I was trapped in an abusive relationship.
Her ex husband was a monster and she was able to escape him, but struggled with 3 kids under 5 until my father came along and adopted them after they married.
She was a SAHM with them and me, my dad gave her his entire check and just kept lunch/fun money for himself.
But she never forgot how awful it was with her first husband and taught me that having your own money and means was the most precious thing.
1CoolSPEDTeacher@reddit
Your dad is a real one and your mom is a badass. That story was beautiful. Thank you!
TryFine317@reddit
1980
When I first became a parent (2010) I honestly appreciated everything my parents did for me once I fully understood how much it takes. (My parents divorced when I was around 5 but are still friends to this day.)
DrewBaron80@reddit
My parents stayed together (they're still married), treated each other well even when times were hard, and came home every night. It didn't really occur to me that they wouldn't, but between so many of my friends/acquaintances getting divorced, I'm glad they set that example for me. My wife and I have been happily married for 20 years, and I'm hoping our son has learned what a positive, supportive, and harmonious relationship is.
bowleggedgrump@reddit
Very little
Hammerhandle@reddit
This, and it taught me how to live without relying on anyone else. Thanks mom and dad!
Ckn-bns-jns@reddit
My mom used to make me help her cook and I was the grilled since my dad burned everything. Once I was out on my own I knew a lot more than my college friends about cooking and got into BBQ 20 years ago that has become a hobby of mine.
wrel_@reddit
My parents put so much time into "themed birthday parties" that to this day still seem so cool.
library_wench@reddit
YES! And back then there weren’t entire party sets for any and every conceivable fandom. You had to make all that shit from SCRATCH.
Reasonable-Wave8093@reddit
Yes!
library_wench@reddit
Many things, but looking at the world today, I think it’s so important that my parents let me face the consequences of my choices and actions, or lack thereof. If I didn’t study enough and got a less-than-ideal grade…that was on me. If I didn’t clean my room, I didn’t get to go to the mall.
I’m great friends with my parents now, but wasn’t when I was a kid. The idea these days often seems to be: never let your kid experience a moment of discomfort, be their friend (not their parent/authority figure!) at all times.
It made me a more resilient person.
DirtyBirdDawg@reddit
My parents never gave me a bedtime or even a curfew. Yeah, I was a massive nerd who did nothing but work my part-time job and play SNES/PS1 with all of my free time so that probably played a role. But even when football games (trombone player in marching band) kept me out past midnight I never heard one complaint.
My parents also gave me chores. By the time I moved out on my own, I knew how to keep house. Fast forward a few decades, and I think that my house is cleaner and more organized than anyone else I know aside from my mom.
here4dambivalence@reddit
So back in the 80s they had reasonably priced family passes to the Baltimore Aquarium and the Science Center (not sure how much they are now but I assure you they're not that cheap). I can't tell you how many times I went to either, as it was multiple days a week (lived nearby) for a few years but good God damned I went to both an absurd amount of times weekly.
Going as an adult to the Aquarium (can't remember the last time I went to the Science Center tbh) still holds that bit of magic as when I was a kid -- also my partner told one of the workers on the turtles for picking on another turtle, but that's a completely different story.
Elevenyearstoomany@reddit
My parents were never anything but inclusive to everyone, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. And they were strict about R rated movies but never censored my reading or music. They were Catholic but not intolerant no birth control crazy Catholic.
bh4th@reddit
In third grade I came home with a homework assignment to draw a map of my bedroom. Asked my dad for help, because I had no idea even how to start.
Dad grabs a tape measure. “Okay, but if I help you, we’re doing it to scale.”
Sodamyte@reddit
I appreciate them showing me the exact wrong way to be adults so that I knew what not to do when I got there.
Chemical_Butterfly40@reddit
same, I learned from their terrible examples
DrenAss@reddit
My dad was always available for questions. He would explain anything if he could, and that included talking about people's motivations or feelings. I would not be nearly as smart or socially aware if I'd had the stereotypical boomer dad who was disengaged and emotionally repressed.
luxtabula@reddit
Sadly nothing I can remember. My parents split, I grew up poor, my mother was rarely home and never took my side at school or showed an interest in teaching me anything, my father moved far away and couldn't take any interest in my life.
The only credit I give my parents was that they gave me a dictionary as a child and never would answer any questions I had, telling me to look it up. And I did. My vocabulary got very big and I ended up getting good at languages, but this was an accidental discovery.
RedSolez@reddit
Mine were really big into family traditions and outings.
AbbreviationsGlad833@reddit
My parents taught me alot about Art and culture at a young age. We didnt have the money to travel but they Took me to many museums. Made me try different ethnic foods. To use chipsticks. How to properly eat a lobster. Had me watch all the classic movies and music. they said they never wanted me to be at a disadvantage.
Lucky_Louch@reddit
Always had a TV in my room and gaming systems since the early 80's. My dad brought home a ColecoVision with games and taught me how to play. Have been a life long gamer since thanks to him.
Reasonable-Wave8093@reddit
absolutely no church or religious nonsense.
ArtVandelay009@reddit
My parents kept a remarkably clean home, and they did it together despite working full time. They also cooked all meals and made lunches for school. We only had pizza, or out to a restaurant once a month. That took dedication. They also were always involved with family of all kinds. Even extended family (think cousins, or great uncles / aunts). Looking back, they put a ton of effort in. I admire that.
gildeddoughnut@reddit
Dye my hair, pierce my nose and shop at the army surplus store.
Creepy-Floor-1745@reddit
Loved us the way we were/the way we are
Tough love wasn’t part of our family culture and as a result, my siblings and I have excellent relationships with our parents and each other. You can be unconditional if you choose. At least one of my siblings couldn’t have made it this far if our parents had cut them off. They just needed more parenting, more support, more patience.
Money_Magnet24@reddit
Ya, my parents never censored music, it would’ve been hypocritical of them. My sister and I blasting Depeche Mode all day in 1988 when I was 14 years old and both parents were like “uh, ya ok, I guess there something more bizarre sounding than Duran Duran”
We had music from all over the world playing in our home. Arabic, Greek, Russian, Gypsy Kings and our next door neighbors were from Mexico so they introduced us to Luis Miguel and José José
LavenderPaintbrush@reddit
My parents never let me go to parties, or really go anywhere in high-school. I snuck out once to go to a Pearl Jam concert the summer before 9th grade, and was practically grounded till I graduated. I lost a best friend over it. I still think about her all the time.
But, I know now I have an addictive personality. I had to quit drinking two years ago, and quitting cigarettes is still up and down for me. Ive never tried hard drugs but am easily influenced, especially back then. I wonder if I had more freedom if I'd be on the streets, or something Knowing me, yeah I can see it.
I love going to concerts and I go all the time. My parents are going with me to see Alison Kraus this summer and I can't wait. My mom was so against them, and to go with her will be a very special moment for me. I hope it will be fir her too.
Trick-Session2388@reddit
I took piano lessons and dance lessons as a kid. I was really good at both and enjoyed it, but I did not consider how much money and time they sacrificed for it.
I am grateful because even though I have shitty feet and my piano sees me maybe once every month or two, I'm very comfortable in front of an audience. I give presentations for my job regularly without any kind of anxiety. If I fuck up, meh, I recover and move on. I think performing as a kid/teen made public speaking a lot easier.
SurfNTurf1983@reddit
Learnt how to eat and cook healthy from an early age. Camping and surfing trips every few weeks. Took road trips every school holidays. Drove me to 4 plus sports a week.
Fair_Blood3176@reddit
Camping and hiking,. outdoors in general..Although I haven't done much as an adult I definitely took it for granted when I was younger.
Got to hike some mountains thanks to my Dad.