Is self deprecation accepted or cringe in American culture?

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EpsilonAmber@reddit

it's mostly fine but if you do it excessively it's really weird. Like making one joke in a single conversation is pretty fine.

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CryptographerOver130@reddit

Just make it clear you don’t actually hate yourself or people will get legitimately concerned for you

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wandrlust70@reddit

I do it all the time, but I'm a dweeb so there's that.

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Nangbaby@reddit

Not accepted at all except for professional comedians and very rare instances.

Unlike in some cultures where deprecation is the norm, it's expected to assume competency, if not superiority in whatever you are doing.

Anyone making jokes about their own faults is ususlly considered as needing therapy and not someone to be listened to.

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Danibear285@reddit

Not the British level of depreciation

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No_Walk_Town@reddit

Brits are WAY more arrogant and thin-skinned and completely unable to take the lightest criticism.

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PowellGenealogy@reddit

WOT? FIN SHKINNED? WELL AT LEASHT OUR SHKEWLS....

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xxxxxxxxxooxxxxxxxxx@reddit

No we’re not. How dare you make such an accusation.

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RedditWidow@reddit

Not the British level of depreciation

UK assets lose value so quickly

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let-it-rain-sunshine@reddit

Sorry, but British are way too apologetic

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CaptainAwesome06@reddit

It rides a fine line.

If you can poke fun at your self here and there it can show that you don't take yourself too seriously and you may be humble, as well as funny.

But if you are overweight and you are constantly making jokes about how fat you are, then it can get pretty cringe. It makes people uncomfortable.

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Sufficient_Cod1948@reddit

I knew a guy like that. He was constantly making "jokes" about how he was fat, lonely, and was going to die alone. It was obvious to everyone that they weren't jokes.

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spintool1995@reddit

Or joking about being fat around someone else who's fatter.

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I had a friend who did this. At the time, I was about a size 10, and she was about a size 4. She would always talk about how "fat and disgusting" she was, when she was objectively slim and conventionally attractive. One time I lost it and was like, "if you think you're fat and disgusting, what must you think of me?!"

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AtomSmasherrr@reddit

My ex would not stop joking about their "small" (average) penis.

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sadthrow104@reddit

Was that the reason you left him?

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AtomSmasherrr@reddit

Nah

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UGN_Kelly@reddit

I’d be willing to bet money it was a symptom of the real reason though

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jigokubi@reddit

Username apparently checks out, according to your ex.

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AtomSmasherrr@reddit

Lmaooooo

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Sylent09@reddit

... I just bought 3 graphic t-shirts with jokes about being fat, like "Caution: too fat to run, will fight back" and "I have the body of a God" with a depiction of Buddha. When I was young I was skinny/fit, always got the pretty girl... and I was a complete self centered asshole. And yet somehow depressed to the point of suicidal tendencies. In my old age I've seen the error in my old ways and never wanna be that guy again. Now I'm happy fat. My stress is almost nonexistent, same with my depression. I'm spending my time on me instead of dealing with a relationship. I noticed that the heavier I got, the happier I was with who I am. I know it's not a 1:1 direct cause and effect, but there's definitely a correlation. I used to make jokes about others, now I make jokes about myself.

For the record, I do exercise frequently, drink plenty of water and such. My metabolism just tanked in my late 30s, and in my 40's I don't care and eat whatever I want.

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Atlas7993@reddit

You have to time it right, and use it sparingly. There's a weird "skinny people can fat shame fat people, but fat people can't fat shame themselves" line that I've noticed.

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mcaffrey@reddit

Yeah, I agree. Pretty much all comedy works when you are "punching up", meaning making fun of a target of highest status that oneself. So comedians tend to target public figures (politicians, actors, athletes) rather then random people, and if they do make fun of random people they tend to do it anonymously. The idea is that you don't want to be mean-spirited, and avoid kicking someone while they are down.

When making fun of *yourself* publicly, the same rule still applies. Don't be mean to yourself. It is best to make fun of yourself AFTER you do something good, or while you are in a strong relative position.

For instance, i'm a mid-level manager at an IT company, so when I'm talking to my team, I'll make self deprecating humor during team meetings with my employees. But when I'm talking to the executives, I'm much less likely to put myself down.

Or if I get a good time in a 5k, i might say "not bad for a middle-aged bald guy" and it would be fine because I just did something good. But dropping that line in many other situations would be awkward.

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let-it-rain-sunshine@reddit

Almost all comedians joke about therapy and how shit things are going for them

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mcaffrey@reddit

Yes but when YOU are up on stage performing, that elevates your “status” compared to the audience, and self deprecating humor works that wouldn’t work as well around the water cooler. You are a “professional” and people assume you aren’t being too serious.

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let-it-rain-sunshine@reddit

True. It has to be funny or it is just sad.

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theHAREST@reddit

This is the answer OP. If it's about something non-serious and it's not done too frequently it can be ok but people who self-deprecate a lot come off like they're seeking validation. Would be very weird to start self-deprecating around people you don't know very well.

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Kgb_Officer@reddit

Also like a lot of things it really depends on how funny the person actually is. If you have the charisma, it can go a lot further at not appearing sad or attention seeking. If they're not really funny, it just comes across poorly right away.

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WhiskyStandard@reddit

If anyone wants an illustration, this “I Think You Should Leave” sketch is all about crossing that line. https://youtu.be/7xS9Y_mjTjc?si=dpFzD7UNHwOm4sh8

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Muroid@reddit

It’s the difference between not taking yourself too seriously and pretending you don’t take yourself too seriously in order to mask deep insecurities. When it becomes apparent that it’s the latter that is happening, it gets uncomfortable for everyone instead of being endearing.

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SevenSixOne@reddit

Also: the appropriate context and topics for jokes (and even the jokes themselves!) can be highly culture-specific, so a self-deprecating joke that's perfectly fine where OP is from might not land here or vice versa.

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macfergus@reddit

OP, please refer to this clip from The Office to see the balance (or lack thereof).

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Practical-Ordinary-6@reddit

That's a great answer. You can do it if you can do it successfully and you shouldn't do it if you can't.

You shouldn't do it to the point where you give people the idea that things are all about you, good or bad.

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elveebee22@reddit

This is the answer

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14Rage@reddit

Very normal, received very badly generally.

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LexiD523@reddit

My dad is a very kind, very successful person. He's also very humble and would often be self-deprecating, but my mom had to tell him to stop because she felt he gave the impression that he genuinely wanted people to think less of him. And if you'd ever met my grandmother, you'd understand where that urge came from, and it was nothing good.

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No_Patience_6801@reddit

Depends on the person. My husband is an extreme extrovert and pretty SARCASTIC - he loves that stuff. I’m quieter and deeper - so it’s harder for me to understand how to do that or play along.

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BeyondForsaken9115@reddit

As an Australian, where my culture revered and expects self deprecation, trust me when I say it does not fly in a lot of other countries and the US is no exception. In fact my dead pan delivery doesn’t land at all so ai really try to avoid any self deprecating humour here in the states.

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No_Walk_Town@reddit

and the US is no exception

Bullshit.

my dead pan delivery doesn’t land at all

Huh? Deadpan humor is second nature to Americans.

You very obviously have a high opinion of yourself, so it seems much more likely that you think you're being self-deprecating and deadpan, but people can totally tell that all you're really doing is going, "hey guys, look how much funnier we Aussies are than you lot."

You're just not as funny as you think you are.

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BeyondForsaken9115@reddit

You mad bro

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No_Walk_Town@reddit

Ok, yeah, thanks for confirming my guess.

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Dave5802@reddit

Depends on how often you do it. Once in a while? Humble and funny. Every conversation? We're gonna think you need therapy. Moderation is key.

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HidingInTrees2245@reddit

I’d much rather someone pokes fun at themselves than someone else.

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Plato198_9@reddit

Yes

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Khaleesi_dany_t@reddit

Depends on how you play it. Could come as you recognize you have faults and can laugh at your self, or it could come off as fishing for compliments

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Congregator@reddit

It has to do with the person who’s delivering the deprivation’s personality.

It can be majestically humorous and hilarious, or it can be pathetic and weird

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spandexcatsuit@reddit

It’s safest to be humble and kind. Americans like positivity- to a fault. We get the ick from self pity or pitiful behavior

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LightningMan711@reddit

Making fun of yourself is fine as long as it's not denigrating.

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sermitthesog@reddit

Careful sounds like you’re in “humble-brag” territory.

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Individual_Check_442@reddit

Depends on the tone. You have to do it in a total joking way and not in a “woe is me i feel sorry for myself way”

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2Asparagus1Chicken@reddit

Yikes

It's pretty frowned upon

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AFartInAnEmptyRoom@reddit

You're allowed to make self-deprecating jokes if the thing you're making fun of is not really an issue, but if it is an issue, then people don't like you joking about it

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cstar4004@reddit

Some people would understand it’s a joke, laugh it off, or join in, and start telling self-depreciating about themselves. It is a commonly known style of humor, here.

Some people may take it seriously and try to give you a phone number for a crisis hotline, or try to recommend a therapist.

Some people may find it cringe, and think you are attention seeking, or fishing for compliments. It may also come off this way if it becomes incessant and constant, rather than once in a while.

It’s definitely a common type of humor here, but you have to read the room. It depends on the environment and who is in your company. Like don’t call yourself fat around people who are bigger than you. Dont insult yourself for doing something the other person is also doing. It could be offensive, or as if you calling them out on their shit too. If that makes sense. Also, don’t insult yourself at a job interview or something like that, as a boss may take it as a lack of confidence, or a weakness.

Knowing the audience and reading the room is key, really.

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tea-wallah@reddit

Ok as long as you’re kind of funny at the same time

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RVFullTime@reddit

It can come across as though you are fishing for compliments or reassurance.

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rando439@reddit

Accepted as long as it's funny, not done too often, not done within earshot of the "must be positive at all costs crowd," is not done to steamroll over someone else and put the attention on them, and there is no whiff of, "Please tell me I'm wrong."

Always cringe if someone is self deprecating themselves as a shield against someone justly criticizing them about that same thing. Example: Someone forgets an important appointment and causes massive inconvenience to others and says, "Haha, I'd forget my head if it weren't attached. I got kicked out of school for forgetting to show up too many times, hahaha!"

The "must be positive at all costs crowd" doesn't make self deprecating humor unfunny, but their response to it sucks all the joy out of the room.

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Communal-Lipstick@reddit

Not as much as the UK, it can come off as a weird downer when done constantly but every now and then for sure.

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Smorgas-board@reddit

It’s mostly accepted. Do it too much and people either get annoyed or worried

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FoggyGoodwin@reddit

Great American comedians get away with self deprecation. You might want to familiarize yourself w some of their bits, maybe a little homage. Rodney Dangerfield famously dead panned while Phyllis Diller cackled at herself. However, self deprecation can come across as a "left-handed brag" (complaint that's also a brag) so avoid that style. Read the room - if your comments fall flat or receive nervous laughter, you're being cringe.

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Mental_0riental@reddit

In moderation and if it's too much on your success, it's humble bragging.

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Nervous_Home9363@reddit

Self deprecation, used with discretion as many here advise, will be just fine. Of course I could be wrong. I often am.

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Red_Beard_Rising@reddit

Self depreciation had its hey-day 20-30 years ago. It's seen more as validation-seeking these days.

Back then pop culture loved it. Grunge music and the birth of goth. Having a self depreciating sense of humor was a buzz word in the media and dating.

These days, it's seen as playing victim and/or showing weakness or subservience. Too much shit going on today to have the time to pity those with low self esteem.

Or maybe it's all the same and I've just grown older and have different views. That is also possible.

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lavasca@reddit

If you are a successful comedian or are commensurately funny then sure. Go ahead.

If you aren’t hilarious then don’t do it. It makes people uncomfortable.

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No_Button_1750@reddit

Not really their jam. I learned in my 40’s about American exceptionalism and now everything makes much more sense. It’s actually nice to be in a country where people are proud of their country and their flag.

I on the other hand was raised in a country that is probably second only to the UK for self-deprecation and we always perform better as the underdogs.

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Only_Presentation758@reddit

Very much a likeable trait, I would say, when used with humor.

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Adjective-Noun123456@reddit

Yes, but there's a way of doing it.

I'm a firm believer that you need to be both your own biggest hype-man and your own biggest critic.

The two have to balance each other. If you keep blowing yourself, people are going to think you're arrogant. If you keep putting yourself down, people are going to think there's something wrong with you.

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mr-singularity@reddit

Definitely a fine line. If it's genuine it can be received as being humble or comedic. But sometimes it does come off as being tone deaf or self-fulfilling.

Like if a high ranking actor said their colleagues were better than them, that might be seen as being humble.

Or if you said something along the lines of "it's the kind of day I'm having", it's usually seen as playful.

But if you had a friend that semi frequently remarks about being a failure or something like that, you might think they are manifesting it.

It also depends on the audience of the remarks too. If you heard someone call themselves a failure after getting 98% on a exam, while half the class was fighting to pass, that might feel cringe worthy.

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zoppaTheDim@reddit

There is no universal American culture.

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Having_A_Day@reddit

I read way too long before I saw this, the correct answer.

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Having_A_Day@reddit

Depends.

Where in the US?

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ActuaLogic@reddit

Mildly self-deprecation humor is okay. But the US is a low context society, which means that things don't go without saying. So don't sell yourself short.

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KaiTheG4mer@reddit

If it's the only joke someone makes, then eventually someone'll wanna throw a metal trashcan at em.

But the occasional self-depreciation joke can be funny, depending on what's said. Sometimes it comes across as somebody punching down on themselves so other people then shower them with compliments.

Those people should have metal trashcans thrown at them too /s

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Gescartes@reddit

Matters how midwestern you are

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txlady100@reddit

It’s a matter of taste. As is all comedy. Not sure there’s an answer for all Americans.

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Vachic09@reddit

The ability to laugh at yourself is a good thing, but go overboard and we start thinking that you need therapy or are just annoying.

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Tacokolache@reddit

Fuck yeah it is. But what would I know, my parents were first cousins

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captain_ohagen@reddit

this guy self-deprecates

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Tacokolache@reddit

😂

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No_Parsnip6024@reddit

I assume it's actual hurt being disgusted as humor.

We don't need to put ourselves down and put a haha on the end to make it palatable to others.

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khak_attack@reddit

I agree. I never know how to receive it. Like, do you want me to laugh and agree with you? That seems rude... but also do you want me to say "nooo that's not true!" and give you compliments? Then you're fishing and no one likes that.

There's a difference between being humble and being self-deprecating. Humility is more along the lines of what we expect when it comes to this type of thing.

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DarwinGhoti@reddit

Mostly it’s fine and endearing.

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donuttrackme@reddit

Yes, but if you do it too much it becomes cringe. In the right doses at the right moments it's not just accepted but a good quality to have.

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Otherwisefantastic@reddit

If it's funny, sure. If it's just sad, then no. There's a fine line.

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Great_Chipmunk4357@reddit

A little self deprecation

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Ok_Coconut4898@reddit

As others have said, it is acceptable when it is moderate, but too much would be frowned upon.

There is a clip my husband likes to watch from Korea where this guy is a contestant in a singing competition and keeps on saying “I’m not good at singing…. blah blah blah” before belting out a song in a beautiful, perfect opera voice. It seems like that might be culturally expected im Korea, but it would definitely land wrong to Americans. You signed up for a singing competition and made it this far …… of course you don’t suck at signing and it’s cringe to say you do. You don’t have to say you’re the best singer of all time, but you also don’t have to be ridiculous.

We don’t want you to be extremely cocky and arrogant (even if Hollywood and other stereotypes about Americans might make you think that’s the default with us), but we also don’t want you fishing for comments or self-deprecating to an extreme degree.

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OGMom2022@reddit

My family was British so they were excellent at dark, sarcastic and self-deprecating humor. My mom: “If I had a brain I’d probably take it out and play with it.” Completely deadpan.

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No_Walk_Town@reddit

My family was British so they were excellent at dark, sarcastic and self-deprecating humor

That's really interesting because Brits are usually terrible at those things. I guess they just got better at it when they left the UK.

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AppropriateDark5189@reddit

Pretty normal in the US with the people I know. I commonly use, “It may take me a while, but I usually catch on” at work. I’m usually the subject matter expert in those conversations and I’m just trying to understand something overly complex.

Today’s comment with my boss and a project manager. I got asked how I have so much going on in and out of work but still do things with friends. My response was, “I just don’t have friends”. They both know I have a lot of friends and I know just about everyone in the hallways at work.

Some of my coworkers are masters at it. “My wife married down but at least the kids are smart” from a guy that is exceptionally well read. His wife has a doctorate and his kids started college early in accelerated programs.

Another coworker, “I don’t know how my kid turned out so well with me as a father”. He’s an awesome dad and just gushes about his daughter when he’s talking about her.

Saying something witty is also a competition. You have to be fast around my friends and coworkers.

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No_Walk_Town@reddit

I think you hit on the key point here: Americans put themselves down to build others up.

Brits and Aussies always do it so badly, because they're not doing it to build anyone else up, it's always a very blatant attempt to humblebrag - which Americans can always catch, because we don't like when you fish for compliments or passive-aggressively insult people.

Americans are also constantly cracking deadpan jokes - we're actually so, so much better at banter than Brits or Aussies could hope to be.

Like, this is all pretty core to our culture, but we're much less vocal about praising ourselves for it than Brits or Aussies, which is just kinda ironic. "Oh we Brits are such pathetic people, but you'd never understand our subtle humor." Uh, sure, man.

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AppropriateDark5189@reddit

We had a guy that would start out almost every call with a “dad joke”. It became an expectation before the call started. He really fit the classic view of an American dad. But, if you knew him, you would know that he had been a drill sergeant in the military :)

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pinaple_cheese_girl@reddit

It’s acceptable, but if that’s the only style of joke you ever tell then it loses its humor pretty quickly.

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Dapper-Presence4975@reddit

Most people won’t get the humor tbh, but many will. The standard answer applies here: the U.S. is gigantic and diverse. There is no “American” answer to this.

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Waisted-Desert@reddit

If it's truly done with humor it's fine. If it's done with an air of depression it's sad. If it's done as a means to fish for compliments, it's pathetic.

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dystopiadattopia@reddit

Depends. Self-deprecation can be funny in certain circumstances, usually when you're in the wrong, and usually with close friends. But you shouldn't do it often or with people you don't know very well, and definitely not at work. The more you denigrate yourself, the more people will believe it, and possibly start deprecating you themselves.

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Ok-Energy-9785@reddit

There is a time and place for everything

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ophaus@reddit

If it is genuinely funny, sure. If you're preemptively bullying yourself, no.

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Redbubble89@reddit

British tend to do that more.

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No_Walk_Town@reddit

They THINK they do, but they are much more full of themselves and convinced of their own superiority.

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narcotix_connoisseur@reddit

Hello fellow Northern Virginian 🫡

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Kaenu_Reeves@reddit

This video may interest you: https://youtu.be/coqPd2owvOM?si=gYJpPZzeA4wXA81I

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Quix66@reddit

Depends on community and extent I suppose.

GenX crowd probably accepted.

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let-it-rain-sunshine@reddit

Welp, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle. It’s fine

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No_Election_1123@reddit

Regarding business successes it could definitely get in your way. If you're in an office with a load of people proudly proclaiming how they just landed a $10K contract and talking as if it's the greatest thing ever and you're staying quiet about the $500K contract you made then don't be surprised if people overlook you

Your managers may know, but when it comes to promotions that other stakeholders have a say then don't be surprised if they give greater support to your rivals than you

If you're forever telling people that what you did was "quite easy really" rather than really clever, don't be surprised if people don't think you're achieving much

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HudsonYardsIsGood@reddit

+1 - work colleagues are a more diverse set of personalities than friends, so everyone benefits from unambiguous communication.

Colleagues look askance at overt bragging ("check out this really clever thing I did"), but one step removed and paired with some sort of acknowledgement - "I'm thrilled to share these amazing results, and I am grateful to all of you for your support!" - is business survival 101.

Meanwhile at a bar with non-work friends you might self-deprecate with "can you believe what just fell in my lap?"

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Rastard_the_Black@reddit

I used to use self depreciating humor a lot. One day I received great advice.

There are enough people in this world who are going to try to put you down. You shouldn't be one of them.

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thingsbetw1xt@reddit

There's going to be people that will find anything funny, but I personally find this behavior annoying when done in excess and I think most Americans would agree.

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CupBeEmpty@reddit

Self depreciation?

Have you seen stand up comedy in the US?

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rawbface@reddit

I'm imagining someone with a foreign accent insulting their own weight with a deadpan face.

Unless you're a comedian on stage, it sounds very cringe.

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KillBologna@reddit

Yeah, as ling as your funny and not basic with your delivery. I appreciate it.

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lucifersperfectangel@reddit

We tend not to take ourselves too seriously. It can be a sign of a good sense of humor, and someone who can take a joke.

But there is a line in there somewhere. If you're using it to fish for compliments or overuse something in a way that makes people uncomfortable, then that's not so great. Some people might tell you that you are over stepping, but others will be too polite to say anything and just deal with the obvious discomfort. So I guess read the room with how the joke is received.

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RepublicOfVenus@reddit

I personally stay away from self deprecating people. If you're mean to yourself are you going to be mean to me? Are you going to expect me to humble myself? No thanks.

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maihli@reddit

Depends. How successful are you? And how often are you poking fun at yourself?

If you are more successful than the average person then it would be looked down upon as you are putting it in their face. If you bring it up continuously than you are just looking for attention. For most, bringing it up once in a while is fine but if it's continuous, that's not cool.

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_HeyGFY_@reddit

Rodney Dangerfield made a career of it.

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IIIMjolnirIII@reddit

Sounds like a lot of people in the comments have friends, family and acquaintances making quiet cries for help that are going unnoticed.

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NemeanMiniLion@reddit

Depends. Is the person witty and liked?

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kmoonster@reddit

This is a fairly common practice but it might take a bit to figure out how to steer clear of awkward

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Practical-Ordinary-6@reddit

Self-deprecation is good, being a sad sack is not.

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Gold-Strength3255@reddit

If you want a career with a good job you need to know how to market yourself.

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BauserDominates@reddit

Very much accepted IF done right. It can come off as self hatred or arrogance if you do it wrong.

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emessea@reddit

I’ve never been anywhere in the US where self deprecation is a bad thing.

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LazHuffy@reddit

It’s not a bad thing per se in Texas but it can get you blank or confused stares. A hard transition for me from growing up in the Midwest where it was a default setting.

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FishingWorth3068@reddit

If you can crack a joke about yourself, great. If you’re looking for pity, I don’t have the time

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Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

It’s fine unless you do it all the time

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ToastMate2000@reddit

Fine in small doses and done lightly, maybe with a little humor. Being able to laugh at your minor foibles instead of being overly ashamed of innocuous things, or admit your screw-ups rather than try to hide them, is generally a good thing.

But constantly putting yourself down becomes awkward and uncomfortable. It seems like either fishing for compliments or an unpleasant bad attitude.

Some people may be a little more sympathetic if it seems like a genuine cry for help and you're willing to pursue mental healthcare.

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tsukiii@reddit

It’s fine in small doses. If you’re doing it all the time, it starts getting uncomfortable.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

Yes, and while some of it is good in order to practice a bit of humility, I feel like these days people under the age of 40 rely on it far too much. Entertainment these days also doubles down on it, making it harder for people to realize too much of it is not really a good thing.

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HarlequinKOTF@reddit

It's not as accepted as it is in the UK. Being modest is fine, insulting yourself makes people uncomfortable

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benicebuddy@reddit

The way you describe yourself is pretty pretentious. You might be better off just staying sincere. I think you'll be surprised at just how little of any conversation revolves around your successess.

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FrozeItOff@reddit

A little bit is fine, especially if you're slightly silly about it. But too much deadpan and people will assume you're serious and wonder if you need either guidance or psychological help. Way too much and people will avoid you because you'll sound like an exhausting person to be around as it puts a bit of an onus upon the recipients to make you feel better by complimenting you, if they're nice human beings.

Now that I think about it, finding joy in constantly being self deprecating isn't really healthy no matter what language you do it in.

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Jaded_Syrup2454@reddit

It is generally seen as endearing.

I’d say working class to upper middle class Americans would find you very funny as we enjoy sarcasm A LOT! I We are pretty unserious, especially in stress free, leisurely environments, and self-deprecation can easily fall into that category.

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QueenShewolf@reddit

My dad always does it with himself, and it's hysterical!

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Technical-Pack5891@reddit

No - people will be confused and it will come across as false modesty, worse than straight arrogance. Be direct and tell people what you’ve done, and be polite about it. The false stereotype of a loud, bragging American is exactly what that is - it’s a false stereotype; those people do exist but they are a minority.

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broadday_with_the_SK@reddit

I'm pretty self deprecating but it's usually like a funny story where I did something dumb. Or I'll use it to defuse a tense situation, like if someone said something mildly insulting toward another person, I'd make a joke at my expense to redirect the convo a bit if it gets awkward.

Not speaking over anyone but if they didn't want to make it a thing I'll try and help smooth it over if that's what the vibe is.

It can definitely be cringe and I think it's a little bit more accepted in millienials and younger generations. Also depends on the situation, and you gotta know when to shut up.

I think it's funnier when people with authority are self-deprecaring and generally a good leadership quality. It kind of shows they are capable of self critique and jokes at their expense. Humor is also a healthy coping mechanism so joking at your own expense in particular (within reason) is often a good thing, especially if it's helping a team or social group.

Tl;Dr I probably joke too much but I think it's usually fine if you know when to shut up

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RustyRayWay@reddit

Mods will delete this any second. I’m here before they do!

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uglytruthshurts@reddit

It's neither, it's pitiful

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torontoinsix@reddit

It’s accepted as being fine

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Cinisajoy2@reddit

It is both depending on the situation.

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Sufficient_Cod1948@reddit

A little bit here and there is fine, but if all you ever do is make jokes about how much you hate yourself, it's going to get old fast and be apparent to everyone that these aren't jokes at all.

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atomicCape@reddit

It's accepted and encouraged as an occasional part of a good sense of humor. It's a way to deflect an insult, it suggests you have a sense of humor about yourself, and it gives your friends permission to speak about your shortcomings in an accepting and supportive way. These are all considered part of being a well rounded, successful American.

But if you're always making self-deprecating jokes about the same things or about issues that you're clearly insecure about, it becomes cringe very fast. Everyone feels like they have to laugh but can't joke along with you, and it makes them pity you over time because it's obvious and awkward.

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Optimal-Hair-7888@reddit

In my opinion if u are TOO successful/u always bring that up then it gets annoying 🤷 but to each their own

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LifeConsideration981@reddit

Real self-deprecating humor is fine. A “poor me” attitude or fishing for compliments is not.

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torontoinsix@reddit

H C D!

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NonchalantRubbish@reddit

You’ve described me to a T. Most of my humor is self deprecating, because making fun of other people is just mean. Sometimes it does happen, but generally I can just laugh at myself and nobody gets hurt.

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JimDemintRecession@reddit

mostly it's seen as compliment baiting and insecurity

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willtag70@reddit

All about who's listening, context and vibe. If it's false humility or a humble brag it's usually cringe. It can have an endearing quality, but there's nuance that's hard to describe exactly. So the answer is it depends, a spectrum from nice to ugh.

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sharkycharming@reddit

In my friend groups, very normal to be self-deprecating, ironic, and wry. But I am GenX and my people are artists, musicians, mostly neurodivergent, and largely queer.

There's a toxic positivity culture in a lot of the U.S., and I suspect they don't tolerate that kind of thing.

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Smart_Engine_3331@reddit

To a certain degree is appreciated so as to not come across as arrogant.

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Master-CylinderPants@reddit

Its accepted if you have comedic timing. If not... shut up loser, nobody cares.

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Tommy_Wisseau_burner@reddit

It’s fine to a point. Like I do it in a funny way. But it can be done too much to where it becomes apparent it’s probably a self esteem issue

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TitanInTraining@reddit

If you do it in a very obvious comedic manner then it's fine. If there's any question as to whether you're actually serious, then it will come off as insufferable self-hate.

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tauopathic@reddit

It really depends on the people you are with and the situation.

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JaniceRossi_in_2R@reddit

Comedy is built upon self deprecation

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therealjerseytom@reddit

It's a question of degree.

Something small here or there and showing some humility? Great.

If you love to insult yourself on a regular basis that's pretty cringe, awkward for people around you, and like... do you need therapy? Is this a flag of something more?

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Funny-Dare-3823@reddit

Why are you asking me?

I'm just going to go sit in a hole and eat wet cigarette butts and wait to die.

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catiebug@reddit

Like many things, it's fine in moderation. You have to walk a fine line. Self-deprecation may be endearing and display self-awareness. But we've all met that one person that does nothing but put themselves down and it's like are you being self-deprecating or throwing a never-ending pity party? The latter is exhausting.

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

It’s like white chocolate. A little is good, too much is awful.

Constantly insulting yourself will make others believe that you do indeed suck. But sprinkled here and there around other jokes and it’s good.

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PhilTheThrill1808@reddit

The ability to laugh at yourself in certain scenarios is an important ability in life, in my mind. It gets cringey when you mock yourself over and over again, though. Or I'll just think you have genuine self esteem issues and pity you.

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dildozer10@reddit

Depends, some people like myself enjoy self deprecating humor, and all of my friends enjoy it. However I’ve met a lot of people who don’t pic up on self deprecation, and take it seriously.

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SheenPSU@reddit

Oh yeah man. Self deprecative humor and sarcasm are very well received where I live, New England/Northeast in general I feel

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audvisial@reddit

It's really normal where I am. Shows you're down-to-earth.

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PrimaryHighlight5617@reddit

Some people vibe with it, I definitely don't and neither do my peers. It reads as a very millennial sense of humor, and every time I see it done it comes off as attention seeking and compliment seeking.

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sabatpatriot@reddit

It depends on delivery and social reading

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Perplexio76@reddit

It all depends on the delivery and the audience.

If the delivery fits the audience it usually lands well and you'll get some laughs.

Otherwise you'll be met with either awkward silence or people trying to get all Tony Robbins on you and inject some self-confidence in you because they'll mistake the self-deprecation for low self-esteem.

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Puzzled_Orange_6880@reddit

Depends on delivery. Humility is appreciated, being a downer is not. If you are a person that finds the negative with everything, don't expect to be well received. Self deprecating humor can be amusing, but painting yourself as a fool will rapidly lead to being seen as one.

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OdderShift@reddit

kinda just depends. i think a lot of us do it to a certain extent, but when it gets to the point that you're putting yourself down every available moment, it feels like fishing for attention/just genuinely being self centered.

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PeterFrancisG@reddit

Totally normal in my groups and out at bars etc. People who carry themselves too seriously are often cringe. It can go both ways though, if it starts to sound like a pity party its not fun anymore, but I find self depreciation to be disarming when talking to people.

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Virtual_Win4076@reddit

Sign of weakness

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Deep_Contribution552@reddit

I think it would be seen as a little odd but not bad, you just might initially get people who think you need better self-esteem or don’t understand that you enjoy deprecating yourself. There are plenty of American comedians who make a career largely out of self-deprecation.

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