Is self deprecation accepted or cringe in American culture?

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CaptainAwesome06@reddit

It rides a fine line.

If you can poke fun at your self here and there it can show that you don't take yourself too seriously and you may be humble, as well as funny.

But if you are overweight and you are constantly making jokes about how fat you are, then it can get pretty cringe. It makes people uncomfortable.

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Sufficient_Cod1948@reddit

I knew a guy like that. He was constantly making "jokes" about how he was fat, lonely, and was going to die alone. It was obvious to everyone that they weren't jokes.

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AtomSmasherrr@reddit

My ex would not stop joking about their "small" (average) penis.

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jigokubi@reddit

Username apparently checks out, according to your ex.

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macfergus@reddit

OP, please refer to this clip from The Office to see the balance (or lack thereof).

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Practical-Ordinary-6@reddit

That's a great answer. You can do it if you can do it successfully and you shouldn't do it if you can't.

You shouldn't do it to the point where you give people the idea that things are all about you, good or bad.

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Yeah, I agree. Pretty much all comedy works when you are "punching up", meaning making fun of a target of highest status that oneself. So comedians tend to target public figures (politicians, actors, athletes) rather then random people, and if they do make fun of random people they tend to do it anonymously. The idea is that you don't want to be mean-spirited, and avoid kicking someone while they are down.

When making fun of *yourself* publicly, the same rule still applies. Don't be mean to yourself. It is best to make fun of yourself AFTER you do something good, or while you are in a strong relative position.

For instance, i'm a mid-level manager at an IT company, so when I'm talking to my team, I'll make self deprecating humor during team meetings with my employees. But when I'm talking to the executives, I'm much less likely to put myself down.

Or if I get a good time in a 5k, i might say "not bad for a middle-aged bald guy" and it would be fine because I just did something good. But dropping that line in many other situations would be awkward.

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theHAREST@reddit

This is the answer OP. If it's about something non-serious and it's not done too frequently it can be ok but people who self-deprecate a lot come off like they're seeking validation. Would be very weird to start self-deprecating around people you don't know very well.

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elveebee22@reddit

This is the answer

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thingsbetw1xt@reddit

There's going to be people that will find anything funny, but I personally find this behavior annoying when done in excess and I think most Americans would agree.

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CupBeEmpty@reddit

Self depreciation?

Have you seen stand up comedy in the US?

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AppropriateDark5189@reddit

Pretty normal in the US with the people I know. I commonly use, “It may take me a while, but I usually catch on” at work. I’m usually the subject matter expert in those conversations and I’m just trying to understand something overly complex.

Today’s comment with my boss and a project manager. I got asked how I have so much going on in and out of work but still do things with friends. My response was, “I just don’t have friends”. They both know I have a lot of friends and I know just about everyone in the hallways at work.

Some of my coworkers are masters at it. “My wife married down but at least the kids are smart” from a guy that is exceptionally well read. His wife has a doctorate and his kids started college early in accelerated programs.

Another coworker, “I don’t know how my kid turned out so well with me as a father”. He’s an awesome dad and just gushes about his daughter when he’s talking about her.

Saying something witty is also a competition. You have to be fast around my friends and coworkers.

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rawbface@reddit

I'm imagining someone with a foreign accent insulting their own weight with a deadpan face.

Unless you're a comedian on stage, it sounds very cringe.

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KillBologna@reddit

Yeah, as ling as your funny and not basic with your delivery. I appreciate it.

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lucifersperfectangel@reddit

We tend not to take ourselves too seriously. It can be a sign of a good sense of humor, and someone who can take a joke.

But there is a line in there somewhere. If you're using it to fish for compliments or overuse something in a way that makes people uncomfortable, then that's not so great. Some people might tell you that you are over stepping, but others will be too polite to say anything and just deal with the obvious discomfort. So I guess read the room with how the joke is received.

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RepublicOfVenus@reddit

I personally stay away from self deprecating people. If you're mean to yourself are you going to be mean to me? Are you going to expect me to humble myself? No thanks.

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maihli@reddit

Depends. How successful are you? And how often are you poking fun at yourself?

If you are more successful than the average person then it would be looked down upon as you are putting it in their face. If you bring it up continuously than you are just looking for attention. For most, bringing it up once in a while is fine but if it's continuous, that's not cool.

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_HeyGFY_@reddit

Rodney Dangerfield made a career of it.

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IIIMjolnirIII@reddit

Sounds like a lot of people in the comments have friends, family and acquaintances making quiet cries for help that are going unnoticed.

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NemeanMiniLion@reddit

Depends. Is the person witty and liked?

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kmoonster@reddit

This is a fairly common practice but it might take a bit to figure out how to steer clear of awkward

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Practical-Ordinary-6@reddit

Self-deprecation is good, being a sad sack is not.

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Gold-Strength3255@reddit

If you want a career with a good job you need to know how to market yourself.

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BauserDominates@reddit

Very much accepted IF done right. It can come off as self hatred or arrogance if you do it wrong.

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emessea@reddit

I’ve never been anywhere in the US where self deprecation is a bad thing.

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LazHuffy@reddit

It’s not a bad thing per se in Texas but it can get you blank or confused stares. A hard transition for me from growing up in the Midwest where it was a default setting.

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Tacokolache@reddit

Fuck yeah it is. But what would I know, my parents were first cousins

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captain_ohagen@reddit

this guy self-deprecates

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FishingWorth3068@reddit

If you can crack a joke about yourself, great. If you’re looking for pity, I don’t have the time

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Appropriate-Food1757@reddit

It’s fine unless you do it all the time

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ToastMate2000@reddit

Fine in small doses and done lightly, maybe with a little humor. Being able to laugh at your minor foibles instead of being overly ashamed of innocuous things, or admit your screw-ups rather than try to hide them, is generally a good thing.

But constantly putting yourself down becomes awkward and uncomfortable. It seems like either fishing for compliments or an unpleasant bad attitude.

Some people may be a little more sympathetic if it seems like a genuine cry for help and you're willing to pursue mental healthcare.

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tsukiii@reddit

It’s fine in small doses. If you’re doing it all the time, it starts getting uncomfortable.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

Yes, and while some of it is good in order to practice a bit of humility, I feel like these days people under the age of 40 rely on it far too much. Entertainment these days also doubles down on it, making it harder for people to realize too much of it is not really a good thing.

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BeyondForsaken9115@reddit

As an Australian, where my culture revered and expects self deprecation, trust me when I say it does not fly in a lot of other countries and the US is no exception. In fact my dead pan delivery doesn’t land at all so ai really try to avoid any self deprecating humour here in the states.

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HarlequinKOTF@reddit

It's not as accepted as it is in the UK. Being modest is fine, insulting yourself makes people uncomfortable

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No_Election_1123@reddit

Regarding business successes it could definitely get in your way. If you're in an office with a load of people proudly proclaiming how they just landed a $10K contract and talking as if it's the greatest thing ever and you're staying quiet about the $500K contract you made then don't be surprised if people overlook you

Your managers may know, but when it comes to promotions that other stakeholders have a say then don't be surprised if they give greater support to your rivals than you

If you're forever telling people that what you did was "quite easy really" rather than really clever, don't be surprised if people don't think you're achieving much

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benicebuddy@reddit

The way you describe yourself is pretty pretentious. You might be better off just staying sincere. I think you'll be surprised at just how little of any conversation revolves around your successess.

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FrozeItOff@reddit

A little bit is fine, especially if you're slightly silly about it. But too much deadpan and people will assume you're serious and wonder if you need either guidance or psychological help. Way too much and people will avoid you because you'll sound like an exhausting person to be around as it puts a bit of an onus upon the recipients to make you feel better by complimenting you, if they're nice human beings.

Now that I think about it, finding joy in constantly being self deprecating isn't really healthy no matter what language you do it in.

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Jaded_Syrup2454@reddit

It is generally seen as endearing.

I’d say working class to upper middle class Americans would find you very funny as we enjoy sarcasm A LOT! I We are pretty unserious, especially in stress free, leisurely environments, and self-deprecation can easily fall into that category.

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QueenShewolf@reddit

My dad always does it with himself, and it's hysterical!

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Technical-Pack5891@reddit

No - people will be confused and it will come across as false modesty, worse than straight arrogance. Be direct and tell people what you’ve done, and be polite about it. The false stereotype of a loud, bragging American is exactly what that is - it’s a false stereotype; those people do exist but they are a minority.

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broadday_with_the_SK@reddit

I'm pretty self deprecating but it's usually like a funny story where I did something dumb. Or I'll use it to defuse a tense situation, like if someone said something mildly insulting toward another person, I'd make a joke at my expense to redirect the convo a bit if it gets awkward.

Not speaking over anyone but if they didn't want to make it a thing I'll try and help smooth it over if that's what the vibe is.

It can definitely be cringe and I think it's a little bit more accepted in millienials and younger generations. Also depends on the situation, and you gotta know when to shut up.

I think it's funnier when people with authority are self-deprecaring and generally a good leadership quality. It kind of shows they are capable of self critique and jokes at their expense. Humor is also a healthy coping mechanism so joking at your own expense in particular (within reason) is often a good thing, especially if it's helping a team or social group.

Tl;Dr I probably joke too much but I think it's usually fine if you know when to shut up

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RustyRayWay@reddit

Mods will delete this any second. I’m here before they do!

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uglytruthshurts@reddit

It's neither, it's pitiful

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torontoinsix@reddit

It’s accepted as being fine

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Cinisajoy2@reddit

It is both depending on the situation.

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Sufficient_Cod1948@reddit

A little bit here and there is fine, but if all you ever do is make jokes about how much you hate yourself, it's going to get old fast and be apparent to everyone that these aren't jokes at all.

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atomicCape@reddit

It's accepted and encouraged as an occasional part of a good sense of humor. It's a way to deflect an insult, it suggests you have a sense of humor about yourself, and it gives your friends permission to speak about your shortcomings in an accepting and supportive way. These are all considered part of being a well rounded, successful American.

But if you're always making self-deprecating jokes about the same things or about issues that you're clearly insecure about, it becomes cringe very fast. Everyone feels like they have to laugh but can't joke along with you, and it makes them pity you over time because it's obvious and awkward.

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Optimal-Hair-7888@reddit

In my opinion if u are TOO successful/u always bring that up then it gets annoying 🤷 but to each their own

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LifeConsideration981@reddit

Real self-deprecating humor is fine. A “poor me” attitude or fishing for compliments is not.

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torontoinsix@reddit

H C D!

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NonchalantRubbish@reddit

You’ve described me to a T. Most of my humor is self deprecating, because making fun of other people is just mean. Sometimes it does happen, but generally I can just laugh at myself and nobody gets hurt.

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JimDemintRecession@reddit

mostly it's seen as compliment baiting and insecurity

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Redbubble89@reddit

British tend to do that more.

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narcotix_connoisseur@reddit

Hello fellow Northern Virginian 🫡

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willtag70@reddit

All about who's listening, context and vibe. If it's false humility or a humble brag it's usually cringe. It can have an endearing quality, but there's nuance that's hard to describe exactly. So the answer is it depends, a spectrum from nice to ugh.

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sharkycharming@reddit

In my friend groups, very normal to be self-deprecating, ironic, and wry. But I am GenX and my people are artists, musicians, mostly neurodivergent, and largely queer.

There's a toxic positivity culture in a lot of the U.S., and I suspect they don't tolerate that kind of thing.

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zoppaTheDim@reddit

There is no universal American culture.

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Smart_Engine_3331@reddit

To a certain degree is appreciated so as to not come across as arrogant.

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Master-CylinderPants@reddit

Its accepted if you have comedic timing. If not... shut up loser, nobody cares.

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Tommy_Wisseau_burner@reddit

It’s fine to a point. Like I do it in a funny way. But it can be done too much to where it becomes apparent it’s probably a self esteem issue

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TitanInTraining@reddit

If you do it in a very obvious comedic manner then it's fine. If there's any question as to whether you're actually serious, then it will come off as insufferable self-hate.

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tauopathic@reddit

It really depends on the people you are with and the situation.

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JaniceRossi_in_2R@reddit

Comedy is built upon self deprecation

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therealjerseytom@reddit

It's a question of degree.

Something small here or there and showing some humility? Great.

If you love to insult yourself on a regular basis that's pretty cringe, awkward for people around you, and like... do you need therapy? Is this a flag of something more?

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Funny-Dare-3823@reddit

Why are you asking me?

I'm just going to go sit in a hole and eat wet cigarette butts and wait to die.

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catiebug@reddit

Like many things, it's fine in moderation. You have to walk a fine line. Self-deprecation may be endearing and display self-awareness. But we've all met that one person that does nothing but put themselves down and it's like are you being self-deprecating or throwing a never-ending pity party? The latter is exhausting.

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Dr_Watson349@reddit

It’s like white chocolate. A little is good, too much is awful.

Constantly insulting yourself will make others believe that you do indeed suck. But sprinkled here and there around other jokes and it’s good.

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PhilTheThrill1808@reddit

The ability to laugh at yourself in certain scenarios is an important ability in life, in my mind. It gets cringey when you mock yourself over and over again, though. Or I'll just think you have genuine self esteem issues and pity you.

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dildozer10@reddit

Depends, some people like myself enjoy self deprecating humor, and all of my friends enjoy it. However I’ve met a lot of people who don’t pic up on self deprecation, and take it seriously.

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SheenPSU@reddit

Oh yeah man. Self deprecative humor and sarcasm are very well received where I live, New England/Northeast in general I feel

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No_Parsnip6024@reddit

I assume it's actual hurt being disgusted as humor.

We don't need to put ourselves down and put a haha on the end to make it palatable to others.

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Danibear285@reddit

Not the British level of depreciation

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audvisial@reddit

It's really normal where I am. Shows you're down-to-earth.

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PrimaryHighlight5617@reddit

Some people vibe with it, I definitely don't and neither do my peers. It reads as a very millennial sense of humor, and every time I see it done it comes off as attention seeking and compliment seeking.

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sabatpatriot@reddit

It depends on delivery and social reading

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Perplexio76@reddit

It all depends on the delivery and the audience.

If the delivery fits the audience it usually lands well and you'll get some laughs.

Otherwise you'll be met with either awkward silence or people trying to get all Tony Robbins on you and inject some self-confidence in you because they'll mistake the self-deprecation for low self-esteem.

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Puzzled_Orange_6880@reddit

Depends on delivery. Humility is appreciated, being a downer is not. If you are a person that finds the negative with everything, don't expect to be well received. Self deprecating humor can be amusing, but painting yourself as a fool will rapidly lead to being seen as one.

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OdderShift@reddit

kinda just depends. i think a lot of us do it to a certain extent, but when it gets to the point that you're putting yourself down every available moment, it feels like fishing for attention/just genuinely being self centered.

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PeterFrancisG@reddit

Totally normal in my groups and out at bars etc. People who carry themselves too seriously are often cringe. It can go both ways though, if it starts to sound like a pity party its not fun anymore, but I find self depreciation to be disarming when talking to people.

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Virtual_Win4076@reddit

Sign of weakness

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Deep_Contribution552@reddit

I think it would be seen as a little odd but not bad, you just might initially get people who think you need better self-esteem or don’t understand that you enjoy deprecating yourself. There are plenty of American comedians who make a career largely out of self-deprecation.

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