Do brothers have authority in the lives of American women?

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Necessary-Wasabi-450@reddit

What you describe used to be the case in the US in the 19th century and earlier. Today, the vast majority consider treating women as 2nd class citizens to be immoral and it's also illegal in many contexts.

the authority of brothers is seen as protection and brotherly love.

As was the authority of slave owners. If a woman seeks advice from her brother or father, it's as equals.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

so American brothers controlled their sisters in the 19th century like the Middle East?

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devilscabinet@reddit

Legal control back then generally only went to the brother if the father had passed away.

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devilscabinet@reddit

No.

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HeyPurityItsMeAgain@reddit

Fuck no.

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charlies-ghost@reddit

No, absolutely not.

I'm honestly shocked more women in the middle east don't chop off their brother's penis in retaliation.

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houdini31@reddit

It is a cultural thing-over here we see it as overbearing and controlling but over there is culturally allowable and expected to the point women don't necessarily dislike it.

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clearliquidclearjar@reddit

women don't necessarily dislike it.

I have some bad news for you, buddy.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

he is right many women in the Middle East defend brothers controlling their sister because it is their culture

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IPreferDiamonds@reddit

Women in the Middle East are oppressed and afraid. They don't know what real freedom is. They defend it because that is how they were raised. I feel so sorry for those women.

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clearliquidclearjar@reddit

They defend it to men, but no one likes to be controlled.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

I read a Middle Eastern woman that she wishes she had a over-controlling brother because brothers who control their sisters are loving and protective brothers and she called it brotherly opression

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clearliquidclearjar@reddit

Don't believe everything you read.

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houdini31@reddit

I'm not saying it's right but you can't kick at that through an American lense because then you are telling women they can't like it over there.

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LieutenantTaura@reddit

"Women will like what I tell them to like!"

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t-poke@reddit

I'm not looking at it through an American lens. I'm looking at it through a humanity lens, and it is completely fucked up that 50% of the population is treated like they're second class citizens who need to be controlled.

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clearliquidclearjar@reddit

Women and men are the same species. Some women all over the world enjoy being controlled, but that's an individual thing and it's not at all common. The women in your country do not like being controlled. If you were treated that way, would you enjoy it? No? Neither do they.

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IPreferDiamonds@reddit

Those women are oppressed! They have been told to like it and they have never had any freedom! It is awful!

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PatchyWhiskers@reddit

It would be so annoying for me. My brother is very shy and meek. Expecting him to make any decisions for me would be infuriating. He can't even make his own decisions!

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houdini31@reddit

Exactly but that is also over here-over there when it is considered and cultural and family expectation then who knows. This is why it is dangerous to look at other cultures through an American lense.

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PatchyWhiskers@reddit

Ah, I'm pretty sure Middle Eastern women dislike it too, when they talk about it its never in a positive way.

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OldSeat7658@reddit

They don't know any better because of their environment. It's wrong.

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BracedRhombus@reddit

That's sad.

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charlies-ghost@reddit

Men love telling women what they like and dislike.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

in the Middle East what their brothers do to their sister is seen as protection and love.

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Deep-Hovercraft6716@reddit

Yes by the brothers who are doing the controlling. Not by the sisters who are practically slaves.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

No there are many Middle Eastern women who defend brothers who control their sisters and say they have the right to do this and that it is protection and brotherly love according to their thinking.

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Deep-Hovercraft6716@reddit

Yes, but women can be wrong too... Just like men who think the same thing.

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KeyInitiative8805@reddit

Mmmm thats probably what you think, but doesn't necessarily mean its true. It's just that the sexual revolution didn't really shift dynamics there. Yet.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

Actually I saw many Middle Eastern women defending brothers who control their sisters and say they have the right to do this and that it is protection and brotherly love.

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Pure_Purple_5220@reddit

Its seen that way by the men, not the women. Source: i am friends with multiple Middle Eastern women who ran away from their family due to this type of treatment

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

Many Middle Eastern women defend brothers and say they have the right to do this and that it is protection and brotherly love

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letmesingyouawaltz_@reddit

Is that how the women see it?

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charlies-ghost@reddit

You're making a huge mistake asking a man to speak for all women.

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

Yes some women see this as protection and brotherly love, I saw woman saying this.

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t-poke@reddit

They're probably saying it because they'll face punishment if they say anything else.

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poechris@reddit

Did they feel safe and/or free enough to say anything else?

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Zealousideal_Crow737@reddit

Aren't they saying that just to protect themselves? I can't see a situation where they're able to express their true opinions...

And as a man, I don't really take your second hand account of how women feel seriously in any matter whatsoever

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charlies-ghost@reddit

Do not assume that Middle Eastern men are just ignorant of what 50% of the population thinks of them. They know. They just like imposing their will on women.

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Zealousideal_Crow737@reddit

I love solo travel but would NEVER as a woman travel solo to middle eastern countries.

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ALoungerAtTheClubs@reddit

Behind this is the assumption that the brothers know better because they're male, and that's ridiculous.

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Greyface13@reddit

Why do the men need legal control to love and protect and do women never love and protect their men?

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OptimusMatrix@reddit

You're hearing them say it's protection in the same way a person who's abused will defend their abuser a lot of times until the day they die. It's a power dynamic, nothing more.

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clearliquidclearjar@reddit

People say a lot of false things when someone who has control over them can hear it.

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DancingWithAWhiteHat@reddit

No. They complain about it a lot on reddit. Apparently a lot of brothers are stricter than their fathers

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Sensitive_Biscotti14@reddit

Asking the real questions here.

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Curmudgy@reddit

What makes you think they’re better qualified than their sisters to decide that for their sisters?

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DancingWithAWhiteHat@reddit

It honestly seems quite disrespectful. From what I've seen online, many brothers in the middle east don't even seem to respect older sisters who have sacrificed a lot for them.

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Mediocre_Ad_6020@reddit

Fortunately, it is possible to love and protect someone without controlling them

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Ok-Equivalent-5131@reddit

My sister is the same age as me. There’s no social hierarchy. I think there is a certain level of protectiveness, but not like you’re saying. She’s a big girl who is perfectly capable of making her own choices.

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Lumpy_Branch_552@reddit

Protection and love in the USA by a brother is things like maybe beating up a neighborhood bully if he’s bullying the sister. Or, maybe protecting her from a boyfriend who isn’t treating her well.

Control and authority is not seen as love and protection in U.S. families.

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OldSeat7658@reddit

Well put

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Greyface13@reddit

Which is fine, but how often does it smother them. They don’t need legal authority to love and protect

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OttoVonPlittersdorf@reddit

There is some encouragement that siblings look after one another here, generally that older siblings look out for younger ones. But the idea that a brother should be able to tell a sister how to dress or whom to marry for no better reason than that he is male and she female is considered sexist in our culture. It is inherently disrespectful, because it suggests that the female should be subordinate to the man.

In a society like yours, where I imagine women's options are more circumscribed and their independence is frowned upon, it probably is protection and love on the part of the brother. If a sister were to try to have American style independence, there could be downsides that we would have a hard time imagining.

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Zealousideal_Crow737@reddit

Culturally, in the US a lot of women would find that very controlling.

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purritowraptor@reddit

You don't think it's creepy that brothers are deciding whether their sisters' clothing is sexy or not?

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charlies-ghost@reddit

If a women decides that chopping off her brothers balls protects and loves him, she has to chop them off. It's the moral choice.

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silence-glaive1@reddit

Honestly ladies, remember this post the next time you go out and vote.

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IPreferDiamonds@reddit

Oh, hell no! I'm a 58 year old woman. After I turned 18, NOBODY had authority over me! I grew up in a very loving family. My Dad and my older brother love me and I love them. But when I turned 18, there is NO WAY I would let them control anything about me and my life!

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Vachic09@reddit

Birth order has more weight than gender. A brother may advise but he has no authority over his sister in most circumstances.

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Danibear285@reddit

Women have rights in this country

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Danibear285@reddit

Damn bro that’s crazy

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Ok_Coconut4898@reddit

No, they do not.

There might be some situations when all siblings are children where, if the brother is older, he might be given some authority over his sister or expected to babysit her, but generally, no.

I have a two girls and a boy. If anyone has authority over anyone, it’s my oldest daughter being left “in charge” for a moment while I run an errand. That has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with age and maturity level.

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kayakkkkk@reddit

No.

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SabresBills69@reddit

Years ago laws did limit women's rights like a woman had to have a spouse/ father/brother sign off on things like trying to buy a home onbthrit own, open a bank scct, buy a car.

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_pamelab@reddit

As a sister, NO! And thank the gods because I’m the responsible one.

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ABelleWriter@reddit

Absolutely not. Fathers don't even tell their adult daughters what to do.

A woman is expected to have the same autonomy as a man.

There are many immigrant cultures in the US, if they come form a country that expects that, they might carry it on, but "American" culture? No

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Lo_Blingy@reddit

Know if anything sisters are usually mothers to all the boys in the family around here

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PatchyWhiskers@reddit

No, and Americans generally dislike this aspect of Middle Eastern culture. Even very conservative Americans think this is controlling and weird.

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Cinisajoy2@reddit

I once saw a guy in the women's bathroom at a restaurant. He commented he had to watch his sisters. I said ok. You can hold the door open and watch from right there and pointed to a spot.

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Physical-Incident553@reddit

Correct. This is the US, not the Middle East. Try this shit on women here and you will regret it.

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KikiCorwin@reddit

Most very conservative... My uncle would be totally fine with this. My uncle was irate his nearly 30 year old daughter (who he kept from working by denying her a proper education and left her stuck living at home) was dating behind his back and eloped.

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Full_Mission7183@reddit

An apalling suppression of human rights.

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SnooWalruses7243@reddit

Yep, because it is

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tsukiii@reddit

Pretty sure my husband has only known being bossed around by women (older sisters and then me lol)

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Porcupine-in-a-tree@reddit

Hell nah

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sneezhousing@reddit

Absolutely NOT they have ZERO say

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TheBlazingFire123@reddit

No

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No_Seaworthiness8176@reddit

Culturally, in the US there is no such authority or responsibility. A loving sibling (brother OR sister) that you can turn to in hard times is a blessing.

But just for instance: if, as an American man, you have a sister who has decided to marry the worst man you have ever met. You would have NO authority at all to stop it. You can reason with her, you can beg, you might try bribery. And she can do as she wishes without your consent. Or her father's.

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Revolutionary_Bit_38@reddit

The day I tell my sister what she can and can’t do 😂😂😂

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redditplaceiscool@reddit

As an older sister this makes me laugh so much. I'm sure my brothers would say the same thing 😂😂😂

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No-Conversation1940@reddit

I have four older sisters and I am the only brother.

My oldest sister is 25 years older than me, and she had a son of her own 5 months after I was born. I am trying to imagine me at 9, visiting her and lecturing her about how to raise my nephew that's the same age...

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TheShyBuck@reddit (OP)

oh no it is very big responsibility to control the lives of four women, you need to ask for help from your father.

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Physical-Incident553@reddit

Haha. No. This is the US, not the Middle East. American women don’t put up with that shit.

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CaptainAwesome06@reddit

Growing up, I couldn't even tell my sister to stop punching me.

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Crayshack@reddit

My sister preferred a claw hand to use her nails over a closed fist when we were kids. Similarly, I was unsuccessful at telling her to stop it.

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GOTaSMALL1@reddit

But she always asked, “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?”

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CaptainAwesome06@reddit

Good point. It was my own fault.

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OrangeToTheFourth@reddit

My brother knows he'd catch hands lol.

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norecordofwrong@reddit

Ha I’ve been trying it since I was a child and my sisters still don’t listen to me. Sometimes for the best and sometimes I get an “I told you so.” But I never run the I told you so in their faces.

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Phoenix_Court@reddit

Absolutely not. A father doesn't even have any authority over his daughter once she is no longer a minor. A brother is of the same status and heirarchy as his sister so he especially would have no authority over her. No one has authority over women in the US and to suggest that someone should have authority over them would be met with.... shall we say, disapproval.

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BankOk9472@reddit

No. This is not a societal norm in The US. As a whole siblings are on the same level with each other...there is no social hierarchy.

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Puzzleheaded_Lie6786@reddit

Absolutely agreed.

I’ll add that sometimes there’s a bit of hierarchical distinction based on birth order (older sibling being responsible for younger sibling) but it’s not gender based and the behavior usually does not continue once both children reach a certain level of responsibility and independence (not to be confused with being a legal adult).

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TheJunkmother@reddit

Honestly, it is often gender based because older girls will be parentified more often than boys. In big families the oldest girl is often like a second mom and that attitude does often continue into adulthood.

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wittyrepartees@reddit

Yeah, I was just thinking- if any child has sway over the decisions of the younger ones, it's going to be the eldest sister.

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Zendarrroni@reddit

My mother had 6 siblings. Both her parents had to work to support 7 kids. She took on parenting roles at a young age. She is the oldest daughter.

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Acceptable_Tea3608@reddit

Right but I'll be she didn't tell line them up to look over what they were wearing, who they're friends were, and whether they could go outside and hang with their friends, or go to the store. Especially once they became teens or adults. They may have come to her with issues or homework, but her focus was more like house chores and keeping peace between sibs.

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Zendarrroni@reddit

Definitely not controlling beyond general parenting.

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TheJunkmother@reddit

I formally apologize for using the word often 4 times there, idk what happened

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Sea-Chain7394@reddit

Unless you are the youngest. Then they always treat you like the baby lol

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BankOk9472@reddit

I'm the youngest of 4... I was not babied in the least.

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Sea-Chain7394@reddit

Lucky... so just super wedgies?

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BankOk9472@reddit

None... We were not allowed to bully one another. Not to mention puberty hit me like a freight train and I was the youngest but bigger and stronger.

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scruffye@reddit

Preach.

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WindowScreaming@reddit

No. Grown women do their own thing. There is no authority in their lives telling them what to do, what to wear, or where to go.

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Bkri84@reddit

just what healthcare they can receive.

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ELMUNECODETACOMA@reddit

They shrank government to the point it can fit in your uterus!

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New-Process-52@reddit

Nope America is liberal

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Physical-Incident553@reddit

Oh, hell, no. Eff that.

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SideEyeFeminism@reddit

It highly depends on the cultural background of the individual family. But I will say the day my little brother presumes to tell me what to do in any context (I am the eldest) is the day he suddenly loses 10 years of memories

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No-Profession422@reddit

No. Women are free to go out without a male escort, date or marry who they want, have a job, even drive a car.

Pretty, wild, huh?

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Snawer_brillant@reddit

All the things you mentioned are also not forbidden in the Middle East.

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Auquaholic@reddit

How truly sad for your women. I couldn't imagine being told what I can or can't do at my age. I'm so glad that I live in a free country.

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Snawer_brillant@reddit

Modesty is also bad?

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K_N0RRIS@reddit

lol no. Nobody has authority over women over here buddy.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

Lot of people saying "no way!" but there are also 325 Million of us and you can't generalize, just as true as many other things asked on here, lol.

OP in a lot of middle eastern american families, I believe it is common enough but many of them do not adhere to it either. But it is by no means nonexistent.

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Sweaty_Mycologist_37@reddit

It's not really about generalizing. Many Muslim-majority places literally have legally codified control over women by fathers, brothers, and husbands.

While there might be folks in the US that practice the tradition, there is no legal authority that allows any man to control a woman.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

The question and OP are not asking about legal authority, just that if it happens, and most comments are saying it absolutely never happens, which you can’t say is the truth.

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Sweaty_Mycologist_37@reddit

You're being pedantic. OP doesn't have to explicitly ask about legal authority, because it's implicitly linked to the culture. While the things talked about might be rarely practiced in a giant and diverse country of 325 million people, it is rare enough, and certainly not at all part of a general American culture, that saying "no" is perfectly acceptable. Nitpicking and being like, "oh, well, it's possible that .01% of Americans do this so it's not zero" is silly.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

What you’re describing in your last sentence happens all the time on this board. If someone asks “do Americans do this?” Far and above the top response 99% of the time is “we are a large and diverse country, some do and some don’t”. Now i definitely agree that what OP describes is not common, it does happen in smaller communities in the US, and is more common among conservative Muslim Americans.
Being legal or not bears no weight on the question nor what OP is asking. If you ask any Asians (or asian Americans) if they wear their shoes in the house, the vast majority say no and that’s it’s unthinkable to do so. There is no law in China, Korea, or Japan that says you have to take your shoes off in the house, yet most everyone does it.

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t-poke@reddit

I think OP wanted to know if the vast majority of Americans do it, not if a fraction of a percentage do it.

And the answer to that is no, of course not, a vast majority of Americans do not participate in this backwards custom of treating women in their lives like property.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

I agree with this, but two things can also be true. I disagree with comments that say "This absolutely has never happened and absolutely will not happen in the US". That is false.

In fact, one of the top 10 most wanted men on the FBI's list for years was this guy, who practiced a very extreme version of his ideology on his daughters. I wouldn't be surprised if behind closed doors in some American families, it's a norm: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaser_Abdel_Said

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t-poke@reddit

This subreddit is all about generalizing. The questions are always "Americans, do you X, Y and Z?"

Whatever the answer is, there's always going to be some exception to it in a country this large and diverse. But this question is about asking what Americans in general do.

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Responsible-Care-388@reddit

Legal authority is not what OP is asking, he is asking if it happens. While definitely rare, some small, usually conservative Muslim circles, do practice this enough.

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Bluemonogi@reddit

Nope. Not in my family or any family I know. If my brother had tried any of that my sister and I would have told him off. Even my parents were not that controlling.

That sounds very unhealthy, not loving, for siblings to try to control each other so much.

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Naive-Direction1351@reddit

No that is an islam thing.

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Snawer_brillant@reddit

What’s an Islam thing?

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MrDapper_178@reddit

No offense to you or your culture (maybe some offense, or actually a lot offense to the culture), but women are whole human beings who have brains and many times they are a lot smarter. An adult woman can make her own life decisions. Because guess what, she’s a person who don’t need no man telling her what she can and cannot do.

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Outlaw_Josie_Snails@reddit

No, not at all.

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KikiCorwin@reddit

No. And if my baby brother or step brothers tried, they'd get at least a slap to the face.

I raised my baby brother, if he ever dreamed of telling me what to do if I didn't ask for his help with something he's good at or I wasn't offering to assist him, he'd also get an angry reminder that I fed him, dressed him, diapered his skinny butt, and sacrificed my ability to go to college to keep him out of foster care.

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Libertas_@reddit

The most a brother might be able to do is try to ask his sister not to date a guy because he thinks he is a bad dude. Even then, that’s only an opinion that absolutely does not need to be heeded at all.

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AStarkWinterfell@reddit

No and fathers don’t have that authority over adult women here.

Sounds very primitive and sexist.

Not loving at all. Abusive and degrading.

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moonwillow60606@reddit

lol. Nope and my brothers would laugh at the thought.

In all seriousness, I have more influence on their decisions than they do on mine. But they come to me for advice because they value my opinion. Not because of any cultural expectations.

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Littleboypurple@reddit

Absolutely not. Even very conservative women find this extremely uncomfortable and weird. That aspect of Middle Eastern culture would never fly at all in the US. Unless you are genuinely incapable of taking care of yourself, once you turn 18, nobody should have control over your life simply because of stuff like Blood. I'm not a woman but, my older brothers and parents have no control over my life and never will.

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GreenBeanTM@reddit

Genuinely does that sound like something that would happen here?

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Crayshack@reddit

Fathers don't even have this level of authority over their daughters. I'm pretty sure my sister would slap the shit out of me if I tried anything like this.

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t-poke@reddit

No. That is such an insane and backwards concept.

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blipsman@reddit

No, adults have full authority/agency for themselves. Parents have no control/authority once somebody is 18, nor do siblings.

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Pitiful_Lion7082@reddit

No. The most authority I ever let my brother have was allowing him to have input on a baby name, since we have a family tradition that we want to respect.

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Sweaty_Mycologist_37@reddit

Not sure why this post has hundreds of comments but is downvoted into oblivion. It seems to be a wonderful teaching moment. Questions like this should be encouraged! It's things like this that really shines a light on just how differently our cultures think.

In the US and virtually all of the West (plus Latin America), people regardless of sex, race, or religion have full agency and there are no laws that provide authority over someone for those reasons. In addition, there is virtually no culture of authority over adult women (or any other adult), for the matters you discussed. And even among children, there isn't a culture of brothers having authority over their younger siblings. It's not uncommon for older siblings, regardless of sex, to watch over their younger siblings, but that is very different than what you describe.

The only times you really seen this are Muslim immigrant families. Multi-generational Muslim-Americans rarely practice this, as it is seen as archaic and inhumane.

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Lugbor@reddit

No, and the vast majority of us think the idea is reprehensible.

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GobbyHopalong@reddit

Only authority my brother has over me is final approval about what I’m wearing when I stand next to him at his wedding.

Though I’m aware of families that have been organized by fundamentalist religious beliefs where you might see this dynamic. Outside of their small social groups they are perceived negatively as authoritarian and backwards. This sort of dynamic would be associated with being poorly educated and abusive.

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Curmudgy@reddit

Only authority my brother has over me is final approval about what I’m wearing when I stand next to him at his wedding.

That’s unusual. Traditionally it would be his bride with that final approval.

Unless, of course, he’s marrying another man, in which case it’s whichever one of the three of you with the best fashion sense, and if they can’t agree on that, they shouldn’t be marrying each other.

/s

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Suppafly@reddit

No.

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Riker_Omega_Three@reddit

This is not a thing in western culture

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cookiedoughcookies@reddit

My brother can kiss my ass

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NYSenseOfHumor@reddit

Step brother I assume.

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shoresy99@reddit

I bet there is a subreddit for that.

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Ask_starscream@reddit

Far too many.

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SnooWalruses7243@reddit

lol

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Hopeful_Ad_7719@reddit

You're going to confuse the foreigner.

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MrLongWalk@reddit

Roll tide

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MuhBack@reddit

Roll Tide

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im_in_hiding@reddit

Lol no

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judgingA-holes@reddit

No, not even the father has this kind of control over a grown woman.

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PassoverDream@reddit

Legally no. I would imagine in some families, what control there is, is based on community and peer pressure. If a woman is born in a rural community with limited educational opportunities, she might be subject to community expectations. However, escape is a big theme in books and movies for young adults.

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HotButteredPoptart@reddit

No

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TheDeadlyJedly@reddit

Nobody's going to stone them to death for showing their hair or arrest them for not being accompanied by a brother/father/husband.

So no, there's no reason for that behavior in a free country. Not just in the USA.

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GilroyRawrRawr@reddit

There are definitely different family dynamics in the US and officially there are things that “next of kin” would have real authority over but that’s really in emergency situations and doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl it’s just next family member. But in general brothers have zero say over what their sisters do. Fathers really stop having any say when kids reach an age of independence usually in their teens or early 20s.

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itsjustmo_@reddit

My daddy has no authority of me either.

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machagogo@reddit

No. That's an absurd concept to us.

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notacoolkid@reddit

Not as an adult.

As teenagers, my brother influenced what I wore because we went to the same school and I was super cringe. He helped me pick out cool sneakers and said I couldn’t wear the same hoodie everyday.

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LikelyNotSober@reddit

Certainly not.

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Aware-Goose896@reddit

Not in the least. If anything, it’s probably more common for the opposite to be true, especially if the oldest child is a daughter. There’s a stereotype that oldest daughters become like a third parent, sometimes even more bossy than the actual parents.

My own older sister wields her power with benevolence and grace, lol, but if I were the oldest I’d probably be such a tyrant. And my stepbrothers are completely incompetent, despite being 13+ years older. One of them tries to act like he’s the “protective big brother” type, and it’s weird and borderline creepy.

Our parents have financially supported both of my stepbrothers in some capacity their entire lives. And now that our parents are getting older, I’ve been selected to manage everything if/when our parents can no longer do so because those two can’t get out of their own way. If I had to acquiesce to my brothers’ “authority,” I’d lose my mind.

[-]

OneNerdyLesbian@reddit

My father doesn't even do the things you mentioned int he post, let alone a brother. As a kid, I had to let my parents know where I was going, but I could basically go anywhere I wanted as long as I kept them in the loop. And my parents were on equal footing. I wasn't just going to my dad for permission.

That also ended as soon as I turned 18. My dad was actually more adamant about that than my mom. I was still a senior in high school on my 18th birthday, and if I tried to ask permission for something after that, my dad always said, "You're an adult. You can do whatever you want."

[-]

CaptainAwesome06@reddit

Not at all. Legally, not even fathers can tell a woman what to do after the woman turns 18.

If my son told his sisters what to wear or when to go out, he'd be dead in a minute.

[-]

funatical@reddit

That’s not love. That’s control. We tend to treat our women as equals. Not 100% but we’re trying. Well some of us are.

[-]

mykidsthinkimcool@reddit

Lol no

[-]

kmoonster@reddit

No. Sometimes it happens if a guy is overly-controlling but that is not the default.

Women are capable of making those decisions for right (or wrong) on their own.

Sometimes the differences of opinion can cause tension or argument, but that's not what you're asking. The short answer is, no. Women want (and usually do) make their own decisions.

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7thAndGreenhill@reddit

No, And it would be considered both unamerican and inappropriate for brothers to attempt to interfere into their sisters lives in this manner.

[-]

WhatABeautifulMess@reddit

Absolutely not. Most people don't consider fathers to have those authorities either.

[-]

Unlucky_Community_99@reddit

not anymore, there is no oversight which is why you see what you see lol

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SnoopySuited@reddit

Happier women?

[-]

Unlucky_Community_99@reddit

lol happy ≠ necessarily good, e.g kids are immediately happy shoving their mouth full of candy and disobeying their parents, but having some sense of oversight is what gives them actual long term happiness

[-]

SnoopySuited@reddit

That absolutely not what OP is describing.

[-]

Unlucky_Community_99@reddit

"people could ask her what is the OPINION of her father and brother" "brothers INFLUENCE what their sisters wear to prevent being a hoe" lmao

[-]

SnoopySuited@reddit

You're on a registry aren't you.

[-]

anneofgraygardens@reddit

random username checks out.

[-]

Unlucky_Community_99@reddit

chronically online Redditor checks out 💀lost cause

[-]

anneofgraygardens@reddit

probably because I don't have a brother to tell me what to do 😂😂😂

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muddyshoes_throwaway@reddit

which is why you see what you see lol

could you expand on what you mean by this?

[-]

altousrex@reddit

Not just no like the other commenters, but we have had TV shows comment on this practice in the middle east. Mainly American Dad.

But in the “West” women are their own people. The only time you see a big brother acting like a father, their parents are shitty, dead, or only left temporary responsibility.

Also, its the same for the other side. Its less about gender and more about who is older.

[-]

norecordofwrong@reddit

Hahahaha hell no.

My sisters may ask me for advice when I can give it. They may even tell me about what they are doing.

But if you want an example of people that don’t take my advice and do whatever the hell they want then hi nice to meet you let me introduce you to the women in my family.

I have “authority” in the sense that my sisters and my mom ask me about stuff happening in their lives. That said they make their own decisions even if it is one I wouldn’t make.

And to lump me in with my dad is hilarious.

Him and I are usually on the same page but sometimes my sisters come to me specifically because they didn’t like the advice dad gave or they go to him because they didn’t like my advice. They hate it when I agree with dad sometimes and other times their reaction is “oh dang it both my brothers and my dad said this was a bad idea.”

So no, it ain’t like the Middle East where they just want input from a man. They want my input but are totally willing to ignore my advice.

Then you double down on that when you have your own teenage daughter. I very often refer her to my mom and my sisters so they can tell her she’s a moron instead of me telling her that.

[-]

Alarming-Leek-402@reddit

My family is Maronite and the older generation who came over originally in the 1870s certainly tried to keep up these sorts of traditions, but it didn’t stick. 2 generations later, none of us speak Arabic, and the idea that a man should have control over a woman’s life doesn’t exist. The businesses our grandfathers built are owned by the women in my family. My brother has no authority whatsoever in any one’s life but his own, and good riddance to any such rubbish.

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Wunktacular@reddit

Fathers don't have that authority here either.

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SirTwitchALot@reddit

Assuming the woman is an adult

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Semirhage527@reddit

Controlling people is not how one shows protection and love.

[-]

amazombee@reddit

Absolutely not. Let freedom ring. ❤️🤍💙

[-]

MissFabulina@reddit

that last line kills me. That is NOT what it is about. It is about controlling women. Forcing them to live by the mens' rules.

[-]

Zama202@reddit

No. Not even slightly. Neither do fathers of adult women.

In some Communities they may have social influence like what you described, but even that is very rare.

[-]

RightFlounder@reddit

Oh hell no, and I hope you don't treat your sisters that way.

[-]

desertdweller2015@reddit

No. In fact the oldest daughter (me) is often expected to act as an additional parent: cleaning up after and taking care of the younger children including the boys. Not that I would tell my grown brother what to do now LOL

[-]

OrangeToTheFourth@reddit

Unmarried adult woman here.

Lol. Every time my father thinks I'm not a grown ass adult I ask him if he knows how old I am. I'm pretty sure I'd throw hands with my brother if he tried to exercise any control over me.

We love and support eachother, but my brother is my peer and my dad is the father of a grown adult who takes care of themselves. I value my father's input because of experience and age, but ultimately his influence over my life stops where I stop requesting input. I value my brother's input because we are close and we have mutual respect.

If my brother comments negatively about my choice of clothes I remind him of his fedora with flipflop please. If he comments on my hair color I tell him to mind his own hairline first.

No man, woman, or deity has more influence in my life and choices than myself. If they were to have that influence it would be a choice I made to give them. I pity women who are not allowed to have this choice.

[-]

4travelers@reddit

No but this is what many want to go back to

[-]

RandiCandy@reddit

Not at all. If my brother tried to dictate anything I did I'd laugh in his face. I'd then call my mom to bitch about him for a bit and then probably call my dad right after to dot he same lol

[-]

Troutmandoo@reddit

Lol - If I told my sister what to wear she’d make me regret it for the rest of my life.

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ChickenNugs4Hugs@reddit

Ha, no. I respect my old brothers’ perspectives because I know they love me and want the best for me but they have no say so over my life.

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nous-vibrons@reddit

In the US, parents don’t even decide that much for their daughters in a lot of cases. Parents are authorities, but it’s a different kind of authority. And siblings are equally under this authority, and no sibling is an authority over the other except in very small ways when parents aren’t present (ie, older siblings babysitting their younger siblings, or perhaps taking some more responsibilities closer to a second parent in single parent households.)

[-]

TokyoDrifblim@reddit

After women turn 18 here, no one, male or female has authority over them. Ever.

[-]

Mountain_Man_88@reddit

No, not even in the most conservative of American cultures. The most a brother can do is threaten to beat the shit out of a guy if the guy mistreats his sister or give general advice without authority.

[-]

Ok-Way8392@reddit

Having the final say in any decision, no. Showing concern, yes. However, it goes both ways. The older bro got his Covid shot with no problem. The younger one said “no””, not necessary”. I had a 15 minute chat with him. The next day he drove 1 1/2 hr. Away to a clinic where the vaccine was available and got the shot.

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Completely-Lost9@reddit

If you tried to tell a sibling what to do or how to dress, you're likely to be punched in the face and not a single person will think it's unjustified

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Altruistic_Rent_4048@reddit

No way! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 If my brother tried to tell me what to do, which to marry etc... I'd tell him to kiss my shiny, white ass!!

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Great_Chipmunk4357@reddit

In the United States brothers have no legal authority over their sisters. In some families they may try to influence their sisters' behavior, but that's usually resisted or rejected by the sisters.

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KevworthBongwater@reddit

this is part of the reason the middle east is seen as a backwater shithole.

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FionaTheFierce@reddit

No, and really neither do fathers. And altough you may see it as protection and brotherly love, I would guess that a fair number of women would strongly disagree and instead feel controlled, diminished, unheard, and marganalized, even within your own culture.

In the US a brothers attempt to control or question his sister's behavior would be laughed at. She'd probably dump a bucket of water on his head or something.

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9for9@reddit

A pair of balls doesn't give you any special decision making ability or wisdom. The idea is absurd.

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spinningnuri@reddit

My brothers can have influence in my life, but not authority.

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SnooWalruses7243@reddit

My sister would lose her shit if I tried to tell her what to do. So absolutely not haha

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Bigtunacassarole@reddit

No. No man has authority over me. Not my husband, father or any other man in my life. I've been raised to be a strong, independent woman. I make decisions for myself and my family as an equal with my husband.

I didn't change my last name when married because I am proud of where I came from. My husband and I combined our last names to make our own family.

F the patriarchy!

[-]

__irezumi@reddit

My brother (with all the love in my heart) is an idiot and if he tried to advise me on anything in my life other than how to deal with our parents, I would tell him to kick rocks.

I do respect my dad but he also can’t tell me what to do as a grown adult. I value his thoughts and advice but in the end, I will do what I want, wear what I want, go out when I want, buy what I want, and say what I want.

My poor fiancee… he’s just along for the ride. I’m not sure why he wants to marry such an actual wraith. I’ll listen to his advice and opinions on things but I’m still going to do what I want. He’s currently grouchy at me because I’m getting some black out tattoo work done soon and he thinks it’s a dumb idea. But he also has no tattoos so… he gets no opinion on the matter. 🫶🏻

[-]

4shitzngigglez@reddit

Legally, no. Absolutely not. However, people that come from that type of cultural or religious background may practice that type of patriarchy (not sure if correct term) in the home.

[-]

jc8495@reddit

If my brother tried to take any authority over me I would laugh and laugh and laugh. American women have a lot more independence and autonomy in their own lives compared to women in the Middle East. Some even cut off their families if they try to be too controlling, as they should

[-]

manicpixidreamgirl04@reddit

No, and fathers don't have authority in the lives of adult women either.

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Responsible_Shirt381@reddit

No lol,I’ve never influenced or commanded anything of my sisters

[-]

heybud_letsparty@reddit

Not at all. Believe it or not, adult women are capable of making their own choices and deserve the same freedom men have.

[-]

ArkansasTravelier@reddit

No, if you’re an adult you’re responsible and have authority over just yourself, no one can control or dictate how anyone acts that isn’t their minor child. Obviously parents have authority over their kids, but no kids have authority over each other based off of gender. And the same with adults

[-]

HardyMenace@reddit

No, because with the exception of some diehard Maga Christian groups, women are treated as humans

[-]

bloopidupe@reddit

lol no.

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Anubis-Hound@reddit

That sounds awful

[-]

dino-sour@reddit

Leaally, brothers have zero authority. Same as anyone. The only person who has authority over anyone else is a legal guardian of children or adults who have been deemed by the courts unable to handle their own affairs. Even then, there are laws in place to make sure that person's rights aren't being violated.

Even a husband or father has NO LEGAL authority over their wife/adult daughter.

But, the US has a lot of subcultures. So there may be a family that culturally follows those traditions. But there is no legal backing to any of it.

[-]

Greyface13@reddit

Not legally, once a woman is of age, nor do husbands. Many woman give or get trapped into losing their autonomy. If husbands had legal charge of their wives , I would NEVER of married.

[-]

Warm_metal_revival@reddit

One million percent no.

[-]

madpeachiepie@reddit

They can try.🤣

[-]

krendyB@reddit

Lol, no. Also fathers don’t have this role either. Grown women can do whatever they want. No one has asked me what my dad thought about something in decades.

[-]

redditplaceiscool@reddit

Lol definitely not. I have a 14 year old and 11 year old brother. They are still kids in my eyes. If they tried to tell me what to do I wouldn't put up with it.

[-]

ayebrade69@reddit

Uh no

[-]

GoldCoasting@reddit

that's some primitive shit.

[-]

TheNarrator5@reddit

IN no fucking way does anybody have control over anybody's body on this side of the pond

[-]

Bkri84@reddit

only the government

[-]

TheNarrator5@reddit

ah fuck u are right😔

[-]

Lokisworkshop@reddit

No. That is a huge part of the culture shock when people from a country like that move here to the US.

[-]

BracedRhombus@reddit

Fuck no. I feel sorry for middle eastern women.

[-]

Phillyfan10@reddit

No, this is incredibly uncommon in America. We sometimes feel a sense of duty to protect our sisters, and offer a guiding hand as we would with any close family member, but nothing resembling the authority or decision making you reference.

[-]

Lumpy_Branch_552@reddit

Absolutely not. My brother has stuck up for me before to a bully but he would NEVER have authority over me. Gross.

[-]

Deep-Hovercraft6716@reddit

No. Not by virtue of being their brother.

An older sibling of either gender could become the guardian of children of either gender under extraordinary circumstances if they are an adult or nearly an adult and their parents are deceased or missing.

However, once the children reach the age of maturity, 18 generally, then the guardian no longer has any authority over them.

The practice you are about in your culture is highly offensive to Americans sensibilities, especially once the woman is an adult.

[-]

Several_Celebration@reddit

No

[-]

SigglyTiggly@reddit

No, even fathers don't. This is trye for most of the western world including the lands down under

[-]

TiFist@reddit

Hardest possible no. This is a very distinct cultural difference.

[-]

feliniaCR@reddit

No, brothers have no authority over the lives of women in the US at least. In fact, it would be a huge negative if a brother tried to tell his sister or mom what to do. He would very much be overstepping. He would be called misogynistic for assuming a woman couldn’t handle her own affairs.

[-]

Raving_Lunatic69@reddit

Protection and brotherly love is being there for her when she needs it.

Controlling her every choice and movement is treating her like a peice of property or cattle. We have very very strong feelings about that sort of thing here.

[-]

Glittering_Shift3261@reddit

It’s not brotherly love, it’s domination and creating subordination in women. Protection is making sure some guy doesn’t break your heart, or beats someone up when they hurt you, or being there to comfort you, or competing for who can steal the most cookie dough without mom seeing, or who can ride their bike the craziest. That’s brotherly love. Now, if I wear something that doesn’t look good on me and they tell me so, that’s brotherly love too but they can kiss me ass

[-]

Seidhr96@reddit

Not at all lmao. My sisters would laugh in my face.

That said, I think when there is an age difference of maybe like 5+ years, an older brother (not actually exclusive to older brothers but older siblings in general) does have some authority (responsibility really) over their younger sisters in some families, but not at all in this way. It’s more of like being tasked with taking care of any younger sibling and being a chaperone for when they want to go out but the younger sibling can’t yet drive or something.

[-]

Nico-DListedRefugee@reddit

Nope. My little brother tried that and I told him off.

[-]

9for9@reddit

Fuck no!

[-]

kbell58@reddit

Men don’t have any level of ‘authority’ over US women who are meant to be independent and should be self-sufficient.

[-]

silence-glaive1@reddit

No, women have authority over their own lives is America.

[-]

yellowdaisycoffee@reddit

Absolutely not. Fathers have no authority either, by the way.

The very idea of a male relative having authority over me is outrageous.

[-]

TTHS_Ed@reddit

No

[-]

CatallaxyRanch@reddit

Lol no

[-]

TexelDestiny@reddit

If anything, sisters tell brothers what they should be doing. And brothers listen because they don't feel like arguing

[-]

Any-Concentrate-1922@reddit

No.

And in many of the families I know, the girls have much more common sense than the guys. Women can make their own decisions.

[-]

Beautiful-Rent6691@reddit

No. Neither do fathers have such authority when a woman reaches adulthood.

[-]

addann9@reddit

that’ll be the day

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Ok-Possibility-9826@reddit

Literally not at all. Affectionate, sure. But authority? Absolutely not. It’s laughable in America, even.

[-]

houdini31@reddit

American women are completely independent of male family to the point they allow-for example a woman can let her brother have that kind of authority if she allows but it is her choice

[-]

Leading-Occasion-428@reddit

Nope

[-]

Able-Seaworthiness15@reddit

Absolutely NOT!!!

[-]

Sea-Astronomer-6600@reddit

I’d love to see my 2 brothers try 😂

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Laylasita@reddit

Hahahahahaa. No. But my father had no say so either and I like him.

[-]

orcas-@reddit

Hell no

[-]

BioDriver@reddit

Absolutely not. And in most cases, god help you if you try

[-]

shelwood46@reddit

Absolutely not.

[-]

Dry-Procedure-1597@reddit

It’s insane how people in the Middle East dare to think USA can follow their ancient customs

[-]

FalloutRip@reddit

No. That is not an accepted thing in American culture.

The ONLY exception would be a brother who is awarded guardianship of someone, but that’s relatively uncommon. Guardianship would only be granted in cases of major medical issues or genuine mental deficiencies preventing someone from caring for themselves, and only if there were no other next of kin and the brother actively wants to take on the responsibility. There would also routine wellness checks to maintain that guardianship.

[-]

AshDenver@reddit

Hell no. Not a chance.

[-]

EloquentRacer92@reddit

Nope, and some of us don't even have brothers.

[-]

Icy-Whale-2253@reddit

What the fuck

[-]

shoresy99@reddit

Absolutely not, nor do fathers or mothers once a woman turns 18. That would be the case in pretty much all liberal democracies.

[-]

silliestboots@reddit

Lol no

[-]

No_Camel_617@reddit

Heck no!!!

[-]

Key_Floor298@reddit

Hahahahahahahahahaha

[-]

LABELyourPHOTOS@reddit

That seems very messed up to me. I had a brother 10 years older and he wasn't particularly wise nor selfless.

Do sisters get to impact a brother's life with advise or when they should go out or what they wear?

[-]

SaltandLillacs@reddit

I’d like to see my brothers try.

[-]

ConfidentHighlight18@reddit

2nd generation Texan here with a Hispanic family. I only have a sister, but I grew up with a lot of cousins. Some of the male cousins tried to do this, but my aunts & uncles stepped in & put a stop to it.

It’s more common with my cousins who still live in Mexico.

[-]

blanknullvoidzero@reddit

0%. And once the daughter is an adult, the father also has 0% authority.

[-]

ALoungerAtTheClubs@reddit

Definitely not. My sister is and has been perfectly capable of making her own decisions.

[-]

Arleare13@reddit

Nobody has "authority" in the lives of (adult) women. They are their own people who control their own lives.

[-]

gdubh@reddit

Hell no

[-]

gnirpss@reddit

Absolutely not. People might ask me what my parents think of a life decision I made, but it wouldn't even occur to them to care about my brother's opinion. I love him and we have a close relationship, but we're peers.

[-]

muddyshoes_throwaway@reddit

Lol fuck no. My father and brothers are not respectable people, they have no authority over me, and their opinions would be unwanted, unwarranted, and disregarded.

[-]

jane_unchained@reddit

No, even fathers have very minimal control over their daughters after they turn 18.

[-]

FiendishCurry@reddit

Absolutely not. My brothers are my friends, but they have zero say in how I live my life. We don't live in a culture where women need men to accompany them places. If we want to travel, we just go. Our families (not just the men) have nothing to do with it.

[-]

Asparagus9000@reddit

It's a minor partially defunct tradition for brothers to attempt to intimidate anyone who tries to date their sister.

That's literally the only thing I can think of.

[-]

FartCartographer@reddit

lol I wish he would try

[-]

FartCartographer@reddit

Like neither my father nor my brother or any male relatives have ever been all that protective over me. I’ve always been a capable and rational person even as a teenager (or as rational as a teenager could possibly be).

[-]

rawbface@reddit

Nope, none.

When a woman achieves independence as an adult, their father doesn't even have "authority" over them.

[-]

Aggravating-Key-8867@reddit

No, and that kind of behavior would be seen as problematic.

[-]

TiredPistachio@reddit

Authority? No. Will they listen to our advice? Also no

[-]

digawina@reddit

hahahaha, oh my word, NO. I can't even imagine. Gross.

Also, nor do parents once we are adults.

[-]

Mesoscale92@reddit

No. Not even a little bit. Any brother that tries to do that is probably going to physically assaulted by family, friends, or strangers if they do that in public.

[-]

parsonsrazersupport@reddit

You are talking about a fairly traditional way that many but not all people in your region live in. In the United States (and most of the west) that would be considered very odd, and most women aren't even restricted by their parents meaningfully once they are adults. Older siblings when you are a child usually have some authority over you, but this generally ends in all formal ways once you are an adult. There are, of course, less formal and less acknowledged ways in which gender informs who is thought of as smart, serious, etc., but nothing as structured or intentional as what you are talking about.

[-]

JoeMorgue@reddit

No and we're a better place because of it.

[-]

No-Market-4906@reddit

No. American fathers also don't have this authority once their child becomes an adult.

[-]

dealbreakerstalkshow@reddit

lol no, fuck right off with that

[-]

bboymixer@reddit

Many Americans see it as regressive for men to control the women in their families. They may offer advice and support, but there's no expectation for the woman to follow it

[-]

Aggressive_FIamingo@reddit

lol no. Personally my brother has very little influence over my life. Now if he were to tell me he didn't like someone who I was dating I'd definitely take that into consideration since I trust him, but he's definitely doesn't have any "authority" over me.

I guess he does try and influence how I dress though. Lots of time he'll tell me I look like a dork or ask if I've been going to People of Walmart for fashion advice.

[-]

amboomernotkaren@reddit

No. Thank goodness. My brother is a butthole.

[-]

Due_Satisfaction2167@reddit

Do brothers have authority in the lives of American women?

No.

brothers can take on roles similar to fathers

Fathers also do not have authority over the lives of American women. Parents have authority over minors (of either sex) in their custody, but once someone is 18 they are an adult and free to live their own lives without answering to anyone else in their family.

[-]

TaterTotJim@reddit

No. This would be insanity.

[-]

laurieg77@reddit

Fuck that, hell no.

[-]

El_Culero_Magnifico@reddit

fuck no.

[-]

genxer@reddit

No, not at all.

[-]

JaguarMammoth6231@reddit

No, and I suspect fathers probably also have less authority too. Fathers don't really influence the daughters choice of spouse or dating.

[-]

Th3MiteeyLambo@reddit

No.

The exception being if the brother is much older than the sister and is babysitting for the parents. Though that can go the opposite way as well, where the older sister can babysit younger brothers.

[-]