What are your favourite passive-aggressive corporate phrases and what do they actually mean?
Posted by Empty_Estus@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 267 comments
I’ll start. “Just a gentle reminder.” Means “Fucking hurry up and do what I’ve asked you for.”
AcePlanespotting@reddit
"Per my last email,... " A professional middle finger
Ok-Parfait9826@reddit
Any manager who says "can we" rather than "can you" gets my goat. Just grow a pair and fucking tell me to do it rather than pretend that somehow it's a team effort and you'll be involved in doing any of the work.
BrightSignal8032@reddit
I say this I don't sound pushy/bossy
bigfanofmagicstars@reddit
This! Also giving orders by saying ‘do you want to X, Y and X’
No. I don’t want to.
Due-Employ-7886@reddit
Easiest way to solve that is to reply with, no problem, if you sort 'x', I'll deal with 'y'.
ILikeItWhatIsIt_1973@reddit
When someone says that to me I sometimes say "so, when you say we....?"
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
Starting an email like this....
Dave,
Feels really twatty and passive aggressive to me
BrightSignal8032@reddit
I don't even get people typing my name and it bugs me so much.
I once corrected someone on the spelling on my name and he stopped using it altogether. Just good afternoon
BlueHoopedMoose@reddit
Rules are:
"Hi Dave, hope you're well"
Then "Hi Dave" if still no reply.
Followed by "Dave," (and cc some managers) if still no reply
Rough_And_Ready@reddit
Can we not just do away with the pleasentries like 'hope you are well' or 'hope you had a great weekend'. I'm fully on board with a hi or a hello but I don't give a shit about the rest. We're all busy people. Let's just get to the point. People starting with just a name though can do one.
First-Act-8752@reddit
Hard disagree. I think it's nice that we wish each other well and that's something I'd like us to keep doing.
What I don't like though is when someone needs to force you to complete these acrobatics of pleasantries with them, before they can tell you what they need from you. Imagine an IM conversation that goes:
That whole exchange is incredibly infuriating to me. I've stopped what I was doing to attend to your message and you can't respect my time enough to get to the point? All of that could have been:
Much simpler. You've put everything the person needs in that first message while getting your pleasantries out of the way too.
Some people actually like it and will respond with a comment about how they are or tell you about their weekend/break. I'm fine with it as it tells me something important about this person for future reference in that they prefer pleasantries. Others will say "I did thanks, hope you did too" and then go into their reaponse. Whilst others won't even engage on that level and dive straight into the work. All of them are fine as long as the work is getting done and we're being professional.
wildeaboutoscar@reddit
I find that it can easily come across as blunt and rude if you don't. I think there's also a gendered element to it in that more women seem to use these pleasantries than men. I will use smiley faces a fair bit for the same reason, to soften the bluntness.
I try and use pleasantries though generally as I am more likely to do something for someone if they treat me like a person and not a robot.
gyroda@reddit
It really depends on who you're emailing and why. There's no hard and fast rule.
Someone I work with every day and am in frequent contact with is just going to get a "hey". If it's someone I haven't spoken to for a while or who has been off a while or something I'm more likely to include a pleasantry. If it's someone external to the organisation I'm far more likely to be err on the side of courteousness.
ScriptingInJava@reddit
A friend and myself had ever-increasingly cursed greetings/sign offs over our 2 years working together. Started as "hey," but a highlight was
with my manager CC'd in lol
ddmf@reddit
I just ignore any of that shite, 95% false platitudes anyway - I know you'd rather I was dead Barbara.
Terrible-Prior732@reddit
I once had someone berate me because I didn't initiate contact with "Dear Dave"
Xp4t_uk@reddit
TIL I have no email etiquette, but then I am foreign so I feel I can get away with this. After more than 20 years in UK I still get 'Your English is very good...' which in my ears means opposite, if it was that good you wouldn't comment on this.
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
exactly, it's just good etiquette
people that start emails "Dave," aren't right in the head or they're the sort of people that are totally ok with being a cunt
taeji@reddit
lmao i had this all the time when i was in a grad scheme, granted it was from directors right after we had just finished a call but i had to search up whether it was normal or if they were just insane!
HorrorAccomplished78@reddit
My mother calls me son because she can’t remember which one I am.
ItsDominare@reddit
Same here, which is particularly irritating as I'm an only child.
HorrorAccomplished78@reddit
LOL.
wildeaboutoscar@reddit
That really riles me up but I know it's silly to care about. It just feels rude
wintermute023@reddit
I don’t mind that in an email. It’s the teams messages that come in saying “Hi Dave” and then you see the little typing animation for 10 minutes.
Just fucking type the message all in one go and press send. That makes my knuckles itch.
el_farmerino@reddit
There's a dude I work with who will do this and just never send the next message if I don't reply. One time he did it and I counted six straight messages from him - all on different days - that were just "Hi" without any follow up (three of which I'd actually responded to).
Miraculously he's not the most annoying, there's another guy who always just writes "Paul" in his first message before saying whatever he wants. My name is not Paul. He must know this, since it's at the top of the chat window he's messaging me in.
wintermute023@reddit
That’s a special kind of annoying. You should reply using a name of your choice. I suggest Balthazar.
Successful_Buy3825@reddit
I find a worse one is when they open with “hi Dave”, but don’t start typing their follow up until you reply to them. The entire point of messaging is I can pick it up when you return
wintermute023@reddit
Our CEO does this. Maddening.
gyroda@reddit
Oh, I hate that sort of thing. I've had to say "don't ask to ask" too many times - just put your issue in the first message. Two messages back to back aren't so bad, but it's when I need to go back and forth to find out the question that I get annoyed. It's asynchronous communication, don't put in more delays! I might be on a call or doing something else.
The worst one though was a contractor I used to work with. Most mornings and after a lot of meetings he'd send me a "hello" or "good morning" and nothing else. He'd get upset if I didn't respond. If I responded, he'd call me the moment I sent the message.
Emergency_Wealth7778@reddit
I hate this!!! I'd rather there be no email intro and it just starts with what they want to say rather than start with just my name
bacon_cake@reddit
This is such a divisive topic.
A friend of mine did this to a plumber once, the email was addressed to his assistant (possibly wife). He meant literally nothing by it, in his mind he just started an email with her name, she went batshit insane and cancelled the job because he was being "so rude".
I honestly don't see what the problem is.
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
It's not automatically rude, but I always assume that the rest of the email has been written with the intention of "Hey dickhead. Learn how to do your job and do this because I tell you to.". 90% of the time that's exactly what it is.
Especially because it's usually in a chain where suddenly the pleasantries drop.
Also, it's usually Directors who think they don't have to do the filler. Their time is too important to grant you any regards, apparently.
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
That's how I interpret it, it's a properly twatty way to start an email conversation with someone...it's a very lecturing, condescending tone for me
I dunno if I'd cancel a job because of it but I'd think the sender was a bit of a bellend.
bacon_cake@reddit
Yeah it's a really interesting split, it doesn't bother me one bit, receiving an email with my name at the start instead of the word "hi" before it doesn't materially or emotionally change anything for me.
Dutch_Slim@reddit
Exactly this. If I see someone in person and I want to get their attention I don’t call out “hi Dave”, so I don’t email like that. Also to my superiors, saying “hi” sounds ridiculous and we don’t do “dear” so it’s just the name. Some people are too precious!
Dreams__of_Dragons@reddit
Particularly brutal if your name isn't Dave.
kjeska@reddit
I had a client call me Clive once. I am a woman whose name begins with C.
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
Got called Michael once.
My name is nowhere near Michael.
CharlemagneKidding@reddit
Clivona?
Mrslinkydragon@reddit
Clivia? The popular bulb with orange flowers from south africa?
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
100% this.
liseusester@reddit
My line manager does this and I loathe it. Just say hi!
thatblondeyouhate@reddit
My sister always starts texts to me like this. Instantly gets my back up
Visual-Leadership446@reddit
Is that because your name isn’t Dave?
FitSolution2882@reddit
No, it's Rodney!
thatblondeyouhate@reddit
I've told her time and time again!
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
in the nicest possible way, your sister can fuck right off haha
thatblondeyouhate@reddit
tbf, she is the fucking worst. Although actually she's not the worst sister I have.
I have an evil sister, a dickhead sister (the annoying texter), and 3 lovely sisters.
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
3/5 aint bad
thatblondeyouhate@reddit
that's exactly the way I see it :)
Financial-Scar1683@reddit
my mum does it too, it's awful
I always think 'stop calling me my name'
thatblondeyouhate@reddit
exactly! It's like when people say "Listen" before they speak- like yeah I was already listening, what?
LobsterKooky3511@reddit
"do the needful"
Empty_Estus@reddit (OP)
Ahhh, a man who frequently works with Indian MSPs I see, hahaha.
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
"As per my last email" makes me want to punch people
TheFirstGlugOfWine@reddit
My boss doesn’t even do this… she just takes a screenshot of where she mentioned it before and sends that or sometimes just resends the email.
i0nW4r@reddit
This is much better. Just tell them the thing they missed. It's so pathetic when people use the "as per my last email" bollocks.
TheFirstGlugOfWine@reddit
I hate it but I agree that the “as per my last email” feels more passive aggressive. It’s definitely more direct and always makes me cringe when I realise my mistake but I probably prefer it
i0nW4r@reddit
Yes don't get me wrong it's still painfully blunt to receive, ha! But I'd rather know where I stand, as it were.
DoctorOctagonapus@reddit
This will be my MO from now on.
Nublett9001@reddit
I've done this to my boss.
theartofnocode@reddit
That's fucking cold. I'm going to start doing this.
CriticalMine7886@reddit
I'm guilty of that one - one line email 'Please see attached' and attach the original instructions sent a week ago.
Competitive-Fact-820@reddit
Okay, which of my team are you...lol
I am guilty of this one.
Trebus@reddit
Having to write "as per my last email" makes me want to punch the person who's not read it, replied directly to it and asked the same question again.
It has a place, and that place is usually because the reciever is thick as mince.
Critical_Place_1014@reddit
It is annoying to have to explain twice
glasgowgeg@reddit
If someone is saying "as per my last email" it means they've already told you the thing you're likely asking about, and it's the "polite" way of telling you to read the previous ones properly because you've missed something.
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
Thanks Sherlock
glasgowgeg@reddit
Aye, well if you're constantly seeing "as per my last email", might be worth a bit of self-reflection on why you're constantly getting it.
Also, OP asked about your favourite, not ones you hate, so not answering the question they asked tracks with you getting that as a common email reply.
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
It's my favourite because I know how it makes people feel.
glasgowgeg@reddit
Dinnae back doon, double doon
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
Oh look at me, I'm Scottish!
glasgowgeg@reddit
This is just more doubling down.
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
Thes us jes mar embarrasin dooblin doon*
glasgowgeg@reddit
Properly embarrassing stuff mate.
CharlemagneKidding@reddit
Done him up like a kipper 🤣
wintermute023@reddit
I must say I’ve enjoyed watching this one, it’s an object lesson in how to handle imbecility. Thank you u/glasgowgeg.
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
Find somebody that cares, mate
grunt56@reddit
They might have only seen it once?
glasgowgeg@reddit
If you've only seen it once, you probably wouldn't want to punch folk seeing it.
CharlemagneKidding@reddit
If you receive that it means you are poor at communication 😅
Potential-Bird-5826@reddit
Have you considered not needing to be told the same thing twice? - my manager when I expressed the same sentiment
Rough_And_Ready@reddit
If someone is asking you to refer to their previous email it likely means that they want to punch you.
Makkel@reddit
Me writing "as per my previous email" means I want to punch people.
supergodmasterforce@reddit
I have to defend this phrase as it has it's uses.
In my industry, we'll get asked for dates certain items that are out of stock will be available again. We reply to the email with the date.
A few days later, we will inevitbly get an email from the same person asking the same question. It will usually contain the line "As we did not receive a reply to our recent email" or similar as they simply haven't read my response or ignored it.
I then follow this up with both the "As per my previous email.." and the previous email attached.
Makkel@reddit
Yes, definitely how I use it as well. I will often get people asking me questions I already replied to, sometimes lower in the same email thread, so I use this sentence probably once a week.
That's why I said this, I am writing "as per below" but really I want to say "I've already answered this, don't you read emails?"
TapeDeckSlick@reddit
Oh yeah, I'm guilty of using it too
Turbantastic@reddit
I use "as per my last email" when I mean "I've already fucking explained this to you, it's really not difficult to grasp" lol.
piggycatnugget@reddit
This one is reserved for the very few who argue back without reading the original email that contains the exact information they're asking for. I've sent it to everyone; managers, directors, colleagues, just read the fricking email.
mynameisjodie@reddit
My favourite one is when one of my colleagues fell off a step doing floral and store manager out up a passive aggressive sign saying if you need help ask someone who is taller than you 😂
Suluco87@reddit
This decision was made and pre approved by another senior manager = I know it was a stupid decision that wouldn't work that didn't involve you like it was supposed to but they outranked me and there was nothing I could do about it.
DoctorOctagonapus@reddit
"I recognise that the senior manager has made a decision, however it is a stupid-ass decision so I've elected to ignore it."
Suluco87@reddit
I really wish I could. By the time it reaches me it's been decided, my job is to try and pull off the miracle that's needed to get it done and take any flack that follows it.
DoctorOctagonapus@reddit
Your job is CYA and make sure the paper trail is intact, so when it inevitably goes wrong, you have the proof to throw the decision makers under the bus.
Suluco87@reddit
Yep, always come with receipts. Always.
IrrelevantPiglet@reddit
"Let's take this offline" meaning stop wasting our fucking time with this trivial bullshit and get back on topic
CNash85@reddit
Or when engineers have gone off on a tangent about exactly how to solve a particular problem, when the point of the meeting is to set the structure of the project and when it’s meant to be delivered. The fine details of implementation aren’t needed right this second, go and work on that when there’s not 5 minutes left in the meeting and let me explain why it needs to happen in 2 weeks…
IrrelevantPiglet@reddit
Happens at every stand-up ever
Jin-shei@reddit
Or we want to say something that won't be recorded for any data requests
faa19@reddit
If a client is severely pissing you off always, always slag them off to your colleagues/boss face-to-face or on the phone. Never by email - seen that come back bite people so often.
Jin-shei@reddit
Exactly!
Makkel@reddit
"Including [name of person] into the discussion as they may be able to assist" means "why are you coming to me, it's obviously not my job"
CNash85@reddit
That was my go-to for “you want me to sign off on what?!” kind of email threads…
ThatGuyWired@reddit
Including 'x' for awareness.
If you won't do what I'm asking, maybe you'll listen to 'x'
Makkel@reddit
Or if x is the person's manager, this could mean "I am not sure you are allowed to do that so I am getting someone who knows what they are doing..."
nikkijxd@reddit
Please be mindful that others have to use the bathroom after you = Someone here is an absolute animal
nikkijxd@reddit
Adding more context were talking unflushed logs, drips on the floor and seat, skids in the pan.
Ghostraider@reddit
I have absolutely sent this one out on an email after someone hit everywhere but the toilet bowel.
pajamakitten@reddit
I work with several people like this. I know some of us literally work with shit but it does not take much effort to double-check your log has actually gone down properly.
daern2@reddit
Or, to quote an ex-colleague:
"Jesus Christ, do you people not chew your food!?"
Mrslinkydragon@reddit
When you drop a log and the water in the bowl rises tp an uncomforable level...
Innogen@reddit
"Sorry to chase you" - I am not sorry. You have bought this annoyance upon yourself by ignoring me.
I use this a lot!
AbsoluteBingo@reddit
"Happy to jump on a call to explain further" always used to get me.
CorpusCalossum@reddit
Seems like people trying to be helpful and take i to account that meaning and tone can get lost in comms that are not face to face
Pedantichrist@reddit
Yes, it seems really helpful and selfless to me.
Icy_Mixture1482@reddit
Or when people Slack you “Do you wanna quickly hop on a call and we can discuss this?”
No, I do not, it’s 9:30 am and I’m not a morning person. I’m also not a people person and need at least 20 mins to mentally prepare for human interaction.
R1ceKai@reddit
I'm not a morning person, but that's still part of my work schedule. If a meeting is needed, then I will join. Is this supposed to be a real excuse?
Icy_Mixture1482@reddit
Obviously I’ll join, I just don’t want to.
FitSolution2882@reddit
It can also mean you don't have an audit trail of what was agreed/discussed.
I hate having calls with certain people as I know full well it just turns into a blame game later down the line. If it's via email I have proof of what was agreed/said.
PracticeNo8733@reddit
In these cases I would always write minutes and e-mail them to everyone present with a "Please let me know if there are any corrections to make."
Successful_Buy3825@reddit
Had a boss who was like this - never sent emails, and 70% of his teams messages were “please call me on [number] to discuss”. We later discovered he was committing fraud
keithbelfastisdead@reddit
this is my best trick.
MinimumSilver5814@reddit
There’s a difference between “I won’t do this” and “I don’t want want to do this”.
Successful_Buy3825@reddit
Flip side: it’s 4:15 on a Friday, there is 0 point of “hopping on a call” because I am mentally done for the week and don’t care about any of the information you’re about to give me.
neilm1000@reddit
I used to have a job where I didn't have full control of my diary. Someone once scheduled a meeting for 17:45 on a Friday.
That was a hard no.
pajamakitten@reddit
Meetings are a hard now at any time after lunch on Friday.
Sudden_Leadership800@reddit
Surely at that point "hopping on a call" is just to bullshit and pretend to work
Makkel@reddit
At 4:15 on a Friday, it's realising you forgot to handle something that week and making it somebody else's problem before the weekend.
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
This.
"Hop on a call" means "I'm going to make my problem your problem". They are using every avenue they can to manipulate you into fixing their shit for them.
Baynonymous@reddit
See also: immediately before any holiday period like Easter or Christmas
carnivorous_fusebox@reddit
AFAIC you could have just left out '4:15 on a Friday'
jeminar@reddit
Once reluctantly agreed for an important client to do a 5:30 Friday call. Only to discover they meant Pacific time. Had to stay sober until 1:30am
Fraggle_ninja@reddit
Ha ha if it’s anywhere between 0830 And 5.30 I’m not a people person and not prepared to handle human interaction.
Icy_Mixture1482@reddit
“Some days we don’t let the line move at all”
“We call those weekdays”
ctesibius@reddit
By 09:30, I think there’s a reasonable expectation that you’ve had your twenty minutes.
OkGrapefruit7174@reddit
At my current job people just call, mostly people I do not know, I don’t answer and wait to see if they message me, they usually don’t so I just ignore it.
sandra_nz@reddit
Oh god, I use this. Usually when I realise the email is longer than I'd personally want to read, or explaining something that they might struggle to understand.
bacon_cake@reddit
Also there are some colleagues who you just know will flounder uselessly unless you actually speak to them.
"Why didn't you do this thing?"
"Oh I'm just working through my emails" or "It's on the todo list".
At least you know if you get on a call with them they'll do the thing.
And I don't mean this in a micromanagement sort of way, it's just some people have no sense of priority or importance.
pajamakitten@reddit
Which they can still fall back on after the call.
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
You do mean it in a micromanaging kind of way.
In context, that might be a fair thing to do.
If they're just incompetent/inexperienced, then it's just called "Mentoring". This is how you do this thing that I want you to be able to do consistently. Let me help you along.
When they're just lazy, this is called "Prioritisation". This is the thing I need you to do and I want you to know that you need to do it. We have discussed this.
GetNooted@reddit
Or maybe they do have a sense of priority and importance and your thing isn’t high on it ☺️
bacon_cake@reddit
I assumed this would be the reply, obviously I'm not going to be able to provide evidence!
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
I think at that stage, you send the email and follow it up.
h00dman@reddit
I've found "I'm happy to discuss this in person" to be a very effective way of getting someone to do something that is their responsibility, but they're trying to ignore it.
No_Appearance_7136@reddit
Fucking love this one though. I'm back office, and deal with clients indirectly through engagement teams. ETs hate this, and whenever you have to request infomation, they'll kick off and be like "why do you need this, do you wanna arrange a call to discuss this" as a "threat" as no one wants to deal with that call.
But if you try to arrange that call pre-emptively, suddenly the ETs understand exactly what is required of them and are very cooperative.
Disastrous-Two-9022@reddit
I say this, I’m more of a talker and sometimes the back of forth on teams doesn’t quite get to it. I don’t mean anything passive aggressive
ManOnlyLurks@reddit
Nothing wrong with this. Sometimes you need a call to get people moving quickly rather than let it gather dust in their emails.
wintermute023@reddit
I’m with you on that. 10 mins of conversation can save three days of email back and forth.
Gazebo_Warrior@reddit
Got one once from someone who was being quite patronising but also completely wrong about the situation who emailed 'do we need to set up a teams call to go through this and make it clear?' and I thought - well one of us does but it's not me.
AbsoluteBingo@reddit
I used to get the phrase quite often from people who literally had no intention of setting up a call. Like not colleagues, usually press officers. I'm sure it can be used genuinely as well, but in my field it was almost always passive aggressive.
Dull_Hawk9416@reddit
CC’ing their superiors in the email
pip_goes_pop@reddit
But then the absolute best is when you reply, explaining actually the issue is their fuck-up, and keeping the same bosses in the CC.
thesaharadesert@reddit
I had this, much to my satisfaction. Notoriously useless person asked why something hadn’t been actioned from early last month. Provided evidence it had, to which they claimed they didn’t get the email they are included; I’m the ‘owner’ (administration of the group was passed to me by IT) of the larger distribution group and proved they got it. Never heard back after that.
tomahawk66mtb@reddit
Very much a case of "don't fuck with the IT (administrator in this case) guy"
pajamakitten@reddit
Especially if they are middle management and they have just shown their fuck-up to their manager.,
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
the sweetest turn of events
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
Yeah, it always happens right after you said "No, this isn't what's happening".
lime-enthusiast@reddit
CC'ing your superiors in the email
To be fair to he my manager, this usually ends in him telling them I was right
Jr79@reddit
If I’ve asked for something twice and had no meaningful replies, I’m cc-ing someone up your chain in.
DownrightDrewski@reddit
I try and avoid the boss escalation as much as possible, but sometimes you just need to do it.
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
i do intensely dislike people that passive aggressively CC half the world into emails, particularly when something isn't going their way but it's also their fault
Dull_Hawk9416@reddit
Exactly be 100% sure you are not the issue when CC’ing the big boss
Happy_Ad_4357@reddit
My favourite is when managers ask me if I’d like to do something - presenting it as a choice - but then if I say no, they tell me that I have to do it anyway (so there was never actually any choice to begin with)
PowerfulStill7250@reddit
Makes me wonder who came up with corporate talk when we can just tell each other things as they are - doesn’t need to be overly rude but clearer than this pretend talk..
Happy_Ad_4357@reddit
It’s basically part of the psychological contract that everyone’s ego must be shielded from perceived harm.
I generally don’t use these phrases and just say what I mean to say… but then people get Big Feelings about facing the logical consequences of the choices they made, making them uncomfortable, and that’s somehow my fault
Usual-Tea-4474@reddit
"I hope this email finds you before I do"
wildeaboutoscar@reddit
I like this, has just the right amount of foreboding
NakedPatrick@reddit
“Hope this email finds you well”
= hello, I’m about to ask you for something.
wildeaboutoscar@reddit
That's most emails though to be fair
Maya_Rose@reddit
My favourite alternatives:
“I hope this email finds you before I do.”
“Margaret, I hope this email blows your tits clean off.”
pajamakitten@reddit
Or 'I am about to ruin your good mood.'
saludpesetasamor@reddit
I’m chronically ill and haven’t been ‘well’ since the 90s, so that one always feels like a bit of a slap in the face to me. I know it’s just a social nicety, but it’s so casually thoughtless it really winds me up. 😆
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
This email has a very specific set of skills developed over a long career. It will find you. And it will kill you.
Moppo_@reddit
I'm glad I've never had an email with that phrase.
squeckles@reddit
Il V.
Pixeko@reddit
Thanks in advance! translates to, I’ve decided you’re doing this task for me and I’m giving you zero room to say no.
DIY_at_the_Griffs@reddit
I use this all the time.
jojojojojojoseph@reddit
Thanks for your support on this one!
Ganondaddydorf@reddit
I love this lol.
the01li3@reddit
"as per my previous email"... Next time read the entire email and not just the first sentence David.
GreenWoodDragon@reddit
"Let's explore the art of the possible" - > "We're going to do f all about this problem"
Euphoric_Rough_5245@reddit
From reading on here I think regards, kind regards and kindest regards have a certain level of F you to ffs but I don’t know in which way the level would be higher.
glitterstateofmind@reddit
“I’m struggling to align this with what was discussed in the meeting”.
You’re either mistaken or you’re a big fat liar.
glitterstateofmind@reddit
“Forwarding this task onto my inbox”.
Do not be sending me requests for a bit of work by chat - not only do they risk getting lost in the noise, but it infers that you expect me to deal with it immediately if you’re sending it via an instant messenger medium.
Send it by email like a normal person so I can prioritise it effectively.
taflad@reddit
Let's put that in the laterbase
easterbunni@reddit
Oh I need to remember this one
I won't, but still
Background-Factor817@reddit
“I’m slightly confused”
It means WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT?
macrowe777@reddit
"CCTV is in operation continuously [only by the checkout and high value items] for your safety"
Divent nick shit, were watching.
In reality, no one is probably watching anything ofcourse.
zwifter11@reddit
I’m now wondering what’s the point of supermarket CCTV if it makes no difference to shop lifting? Even the staff are happy for them to walk out without paying.
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
Actually supermarket CCTV is basically getting watched to make sure that after people have nicked enough, they can get the cops.
The issue is that the cops do fuck all about the local drug addicts cleaning out the meat section.
Able_While_974@reddit
According to a couple of recent news stories you are likely to get the sack if you challenge a shoplifter. Years ago, when working in a museum I was hauled over the coals by management when a visitor tackled a thief to the floor who had broken into the donation box and I sat on him til the police arrived. Totally worth it, haha.
macrowe777@reddit
Who says it makes no difference?
It's there:
1) to deter 2) to allow prosecution
sbdart31@reddit
"Let's just cricket back to" means "stop changing the subject and let's finally agree what we are meant to be doing"
"I will give you a few minutes back" means I am really poor at planning meetings and their agendas so just block booked your calendar
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
I like getting a few minutes back.
It means someone has given you an excuse to sneak off for a minute by scheduling a meeting that they were wise enough to wrap up.
If your meetings are taking the whole time they're booking, then you are doing meetings wrong.
colei_canis@reddit
I put meetings into the calendar for my lunch to defend against this tactic at one job, a habit that's followed me.
WitShortage@reddit
The meeting wraps up at 3 minutes to the hour and the smug bastard says "I'll give you a few minutes back" like this means something other than "time for a wee before the next call," but they're acting as if they've saved my whole week.
sbdart31@reddit
I hope you thank them profusely for their generosity
CJBill@reddit
I always tell them I store the minutes I get and use them to knock off early on a Friday
SpoopySpydoge@reddit
As 👊 per 👊 my 👊 last 👊 email 👊
HorrorAccomplished78@reddit
“Going forward we hope for closer integration with our aspirations.” I left after that.
Longjumping_Swim_538@reddit
"let's circle back "
double-happiness@reddit
When I worked in the Civil Service one of the managers used to always say, "we'll take that offline" when people started arguing or getting uptight about things. I always took that to mean "shut the fuck up".
ILikeItWhatIsIt_1973@reddit
"Understood" said in a very neutral voice = "Fuck you"
CoffeeandaTwix@reddit
Duly noted.
Melendine@reddit
Please see the documentation you have access to.
Aka read the instructions I gave you before giving you this thing because I knew you’d ask about this.
h00dman@reddit
That's rather savage lol 😅
JohnCasey3306@reddit
‘As per [anything]” … roughly translates to ‘you’re a fucking moron, we’ve gone over this before’
JennyW93@reddit
This is very specific, but someone at my job has decided my name is something similar, but fundamentally entirely different to my name. Let’s say my name is “Jenny Smith”, they’ve started calling me “Jessica Swift”. And it’s baffling because I’ve worked with them for two years and they’re sending emails to my email address, which has my correct name.
Anyway, when I’m pissed off with this person, I sign the email off as Jess Swift. Or if I don’t want to do the work or go to the meeting, I say Jess will be there. It’s not my fault if Jess doesn’t show up.
ctesibius@reddit
It’s likely that at some stage they put the wrong name in to their contacts. Now every time they send or receive email, they see the wrong name, and don’t notice the name you use at the bottom of the email. Maybe get them to check that?
JennyW93@reddit
Maybe, but contact lists/assigned profile names are managed by IT - you can’t edit another person’s (or your own) name in our system.
It also wouldn’t explain why she started calling me the wrong name IRL
jady115@reddit
That kept happening, where a partner kept addressing only me as my surname (likely because Outlook lists names as Surname, First Name) — except he’d never mess up the other addresses. Think:
Hi Sam, Jemma and Richardson
Except Richardson was a more ethnic name lol. I finally replied to a chain with some seniors in signing off my name in bold - he never did it again haha
Open-Butterfly-5288@reddit
I wonder if you can.
I don't know if that's supposed to come off passive aggressive but any time someone says it, I know they're a nightmare.
VerntheAlpaca@reddit
Apparently if I don’t sign my name at the end of my email then people know I’m infuriated with them
NoTry8886@reddit
"I hope this email finds you before I do"
lime-enthusiast@reddit
A popular one where I used to work
sends email at 17:05 Friday
replies all to their own email 7:59 Monday morning
"Hey, just chasing up this email from last week"
faa19@reddit
I used to send non-urgent emails at 16:45 to 16:58 using the auto-send function, then log off at 17:00 and ignore any responses until the next day. It the people that email and then call an hour later to check "we got their email". I did but 95% of the time you're not a priority/its a technical point I need to research, kindly fuck off.
Flicker-form-5192@reddit
"Let me know if you need help," in a public communication.
Automatically makes you inferior no matter how capable you are. Pro-tip for stepping on people and always being able to claim it was just being a team player lmao.
CherryLeafy101@reddit
"As per my previous email" usually means "get off your arse" and/or "learn to read, fuckwit" XD
dan_in_his_own_way@reddit
As mentioned earlier...
Translation: Learn to read bitch.
JBB2002902@reddit
“Let’s take this offline” aka “let’s get into a verbal slanging match without everybody else listening”
Fraggle_ninja@reddit
I actually had someone say to me “we’ve already discussed this and this isn’t the forum to discuss this”. I’d been there a week, and was asking what a process was.
Ok_Advantage_8153@reddit
No, it means stop wasting everyone else's time, they have no interest in what you're banging on about.
Banes_Addiction@reddit
I don't use it for that. I use it for "shut up now, and send me an email if you care enough".
oblectament@reddit
'Just to clarify...' -> I am about to reiterate what you've just said in a way that makes it clear to everyone involved in this benighted conversation that what you said was stupid/incorrect/impossible/all of the above
TheHawkinator@reddit
Sometimes I use it if I wasn't paying attention and only halfway through being asked to do something did I realise I was being asked to do something.
Fraggle_ninja@reddit
“But what does that mean exactly?” - someone pipes up on a call, says that, and then disappears. Presenteesm at its finest. I now respond, “can you suggest an alternative?”.
dave_gregory42@reddit
"Please advise" = I don't have a fucking clue what you're on about.
DoctorOctagonapus@reddit
Nah it means "You've done something / you've advised me to do something and it's broken everything. Fix your fail."
ticklemetiffany88@reddit
When my kids ask me the same question for the 8th, 9th, 10th time, I pull this gem out. "Per my last 5 emails, the answer is xyz."
arturoui@reddit
Tom McCallum made the effort
Empty_Estus@reddit (OP)
This is incredible, hahaha.
retailface@reddit
"It is what it is" meaning "this was entirely preventable, but we didn't bother to prevent it"
External-Pen9079@reddit
It’s a classic but starting any sign off with the words “polite notice” feels like the equivalent of a slap to me.
Similarly, my manager has an unfortunate habit of typing every email subject line ALL CAPS! Arghhh! Shudder
AwkwardTie9427@reddit
"I encourage you to review the current protocols" = "You bloody lazy arse should be concerned about our procedures otherwise we will fire you absolute numpty"
neilm1000@reddit
"Calls are recorded for training purposes."
They might be, but it's really so you can CYA.
ctesibius@reddit
Actually I quite like that, because it means that when my phone sends out a similar warning it is before anyone on the other end picks up. Not my problem if they don’t hear the warning.
ginbandit@reddit
One I'm guilty of is "as per our procedures and processes..." (including a link to the relevant process).
Meaning: 'stop trying to go outside the system you twat, the process protects everyone.'
LoccyDaBorg@reddit
Interesting. At my place that usually means "I can't be bothered to think like an actual human being or put my own arse on the line so I'm going to hide behind the bureaucracy even if it means shit doesn't get done".
Ganondaddydorf@reddit
"I wasn't aware of this until now."
Also cold forwarding an email to the person it's meant to go to and tagging the sender. Very loud "not my problem".
Sometimes a simple "i don't know" or "no idea" can be satisfying when people come asking you questions that are very obviously way beyond your pay grade.
DaikonContent9554@reddit
"Can we circle back" used correctly means - can we not talk about things that aren't relevant to the current meeting? Which is actually very constructive, provided you work somewhere that has useful meetings with agendas.
Gornal-Annie6133@reddit
“With respect” equates to “no effing respect at all.”
Fenpunx@reddit
Is this really how people talk to each other in an office? I hear my friends on the ohone for work sometimes and it sounds a bit sickly but I assume they're customers/clients.
I work on building sites and it's a whole different world. I'm looking at a change in environment but dunno if I could stick all this falseness.
DiligentCockroach700@reddit
"as per my email" Actually read the fucking email I sent you
JamsHammockFyoom@reddit
"Have a great weekend" means "you're a useless fucking idiot, thanks for being absolutely no help whatsoever"
I hate to say it, but I use it more than I'd like to admit.
MintyMarlfox@reddit
Kind regards = absolutely not kind regards
inspectorgadget9999@reddit
Writing your footer to remove 'kind'...
inspectorgadget9999@reddit
Also, doing this at the end of emails: .....
Which I have to stop myself doing at least once a day. It's basically saying I can't be bothered to complete this statement so I'm asking you to draw your own conclusions.
KoontFace@reddit
“I’ll have to revert back to you on that one”
Translation - once I have had the time to work out how to tell you you’re a fucking idiot and your idea is stupid in a professional way, I will do so
Jayatthemoment@reddit
‘Gentle reminder’ drives me crackers.
zwifter11@reddit
“Don’t make me come down there in person”.
“I’m just chasing up…. “.
“Thank you for you email complaint. Your option is important to us, but …. “.
WiggyDiggyPooPoo@reddit
See you next Tuesday.
Say it anytime it is a bank holiday weekend.
Realistic-Muffin-165@reddit
"Thanks for your email"
Normally followed up by a tirade
eques_99@reddit
"I probably didn't explain it very well" = "how can you have possibly misunderstood, you thick fucker"
Tommy-Foxwell@reddit
I'll make a note of that.
*I will not.
JeffSergeant@reddit
"Great idea, but..."
"That's quite possibly the stupidest thing anyone has ever said.."
AnneKnightley@reddit
“Just checking in on this query” - hurry up I’m busy and it’s been over a week
“As per my previous email” - did you actually read what I sent you
Ilsluggo@reddit
Had a boss who whenever he didn’t know what to do, or needed help understanding something, would open the conversation with, “I’d like to share something with you”; but when he wanted to give a directive, would always begin with, “I’d like to get your opinion of something”.
Digital_Raven@reddit
Per my last email = Did I fucking stutter? Did I? Square go ya prick, right now.
FourCats44@reddit
Great to hear back from you! - about fucking time.
I appreciate it's a large piece of work - I don't but I want you to think I'm being empathetic.
Objective_Mousse7216@reddit
Higher up have already made the decision, but if you want to discuss it further, drop by (HR might also be present).
Senior-Marsupial@reddit
Using "opportunity" when someone else did it wrong or half-assed; and now I'm the one who has to fix it.
"I've been given the opportunity to deploy the service"
XIMasterNateIX@reddit
As you may be aware of..
InsurancePurple4630@reddit
As previously mentioned/communication .....
AdonisCarbonado@reddit
‘ I appreciate your endeavours ‘
when_music_hits@reddit
I appreciate your valuable contribution
stm2657@reddit
Thanks for the idea, however…
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