what does it mean if someone says you have a face that doesn’t fit?

Posted by sonnenblume_heilung@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 43 comments

i work in childcare and today we had a staff meeting. staff meetings will begin once all the children are out of the building. tonight i was taking my time to go to the meeting room since i needed the toilet. when i left the toilet, there was only one other staff member around so we walked up together.

i said “do you think there will be any chairs left?” and she said “we don’t have faces that fit, so no.”

we went in and there were no free seats, and she said “i told you”

what did she mean?

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HydrostaticToad@reddit

If you two had got there before two other people, those other people would have been seatless instead tho... I'm not following how excluding you from the in-group results in insufficient chairs at the staff meeting.

Hmm. Actually. If the room was significantly less furnished than it needed to be, and chairs needed to be fetched from a different room. And people turn up, look in the room and go "oh this room needs more chairs so I'll get chairs for me and all my buddies" and they didn't think of you and your colleague, then maybe. But that means those people turned up and also found no available chairs didn't have chairs until they got them even though their faces do fit?

OR I've misunderstood and the seating is not individual chairs but people squishing onto sofas or whatever. In which case, people tend to fill up sofas similarly to how vehicles fill up lanes of traffic. As more people come in, they squish up more.

TL;DR it could just be how people fill spaces, I wouldn't read anything into it on its own. Other cues would be more important.

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Martipar@reddit

It usually means people don't like you for no particular reason, basically they don't like how you look, sometimes it's plain racism, sometimes other forms of bigotry. Sometimes they don't like your clothes or your hair, tattoos, unconventional piercings or anything intangible.

Sometimes there is some, to them anyway, rationalisation to it, you might ask questions in meeting or challenge convention. Either way the group are being hostile to anyone they don't like the look of.

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PurplePlodder1945@reddit

I wouldn’t agree that it’s a physical thing. Sometimes people take a disliking to someone ‘just because’ and won’t include them. Every time I’ve heard the phrase it’s nothing to do with how they look. Sometimes they assume things about the person and just take a dislike to them without getting to know them

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Martipar@reddit

It's often a physical thing, if you've got hair that isn't a natural colour such as purple plenty of people will treat you like scum as they use it to assume much more about you.

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PurplePlodder1945@reddit

True

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Robmeu@reddit

Then why does the term predate diverse societies and the recent tattoo trends? No, you can’t put it down do simplistically. It doesn’t have to be bigotry, it would more likely be social awkwardness, or social background. I just wanted to put that out there because yeah sure it could be prejudice, but it could be the clique just don’t want you in.

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

i see what you mean and i can definitely see it applying here, i guess i just wanted some confirmation since i want 100% sure. thanks for ur answer!

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a-punk-is-for-life@reddit

If your face doesn't fit it means you're not in the clique, the inner circle. You're not really wanted. She was pointing out that nobody would have saved you a seat. If you were part of the inner circle, if your faces fit, someone would have saved you a seat. Sounds like some of your colleagues aren't very nice...

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

this makes sense. i’ve not had any major conflicts with people but never felt like i truly fit in either. colleague who said this to me is someone i respect because she is honest and kind, but she’s also someone who sticks to herself, same as me

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grandhighblood@reddit

Childcare in particular seems like it can be really cliquey. My mum has worked in various nurseries and they’ve all been like that.

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

it definitely can be but in previous places it has felt like a clear divide between management and “others”

here, a lot of the girls are good friends outside work and not friendly or welcoming at all to new people. it’s strange and i’ve not worked somewhere like this before.

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SeeJayThinks@reddit

Honestly, it's the same in female dominant jobs.

My mum was a day car worker, and I hear all sorts of stuff but had my doubts as it sounded like being back in school. I spent a summer working there, and can confirm. It's cliquey and easy to spot the leader and the bottom bitches.

Found the same cliquey groups in a female dominant factory, a contract to the usual lads workers on the other side of the same factory.

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No_Preference9093@reddit

Stick with her. She sounds like a good friend and ally.

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Frescadeedle@reddit

Definitely - she sounds like she has clocked their cliquey personalities already and is keeping to herself for a reason. I'd find it very flattering that she thought of me as 'not like them' enough to make that comment out loud though - you clearly passed the authenticity vibe check of being a decent & inclusive human being

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

tbh this is what i was thinking too, just asked because that little part of me was worried it was a meaner comment

childcare can definitely be cliquey but this is the first place ive worked where ive not felt welcome. but over time ive come to be okay with that and see who is also in the same position of not being best friends with the people here, but still being friendly and professional enough that we get along at least. i just don’t talk to anyone here outside work, i imagine she’s the same

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Milky_Finger@reddit

Exactly. Form your own clique where the entry requirement is simply to just be a nice person.

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Serious_Escape_5438@reddit

If you stick to yourself you're not going to be part of their inner circle and fit in. Which is fine if that's what you want, but you can't have both.

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Diplomatic_Gunboats@reddit

She's being paranoid. Next time just dont turn up late after all the seats are taken.

Its not the cinema, no one is saving you a seat when someone wants to sit down and you arnt there. If all the seats are taken, all the seats are taken, go find a chair.

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peppermint_aero@reddit

If they don't have enough chairs for all staff, that's a management issue. Seating shouldn't be allocated based on vibes.

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Maleficent-Win-6520@reddit

You’re not wanted there

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premium_transmission@reddit

It means you are not part of the popular crowd.

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pig-dragon@reddit

This just sounds like an insecure person (your colleague) trying to drag someone else (you) down with her.

Form your own opinions of people and don’t let other people’s perceptions affect how you interact with others.

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ApprehensiveKey1469@reddit

Face doesn't fit means they don't like you.

Not enough seats means that whoever organised the meeting failed to ensure that there are enough seat.

A combination of the two results in no one saving you a seat.

You should keep a log of such things. Then you can sue for money later.

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MidnightRambler87@reddit

Don’t worry OP, I’ve never been one of the in crowd at any job I’ve worked at.

I think a lot of it has to do with introversion and extroversion too.

If you just go in and do the job you are paid to do and don’t get involved with the drama, people just don’t want to bother with you.

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Screaming_lambs@reddit

I've been in a similar situation, I wouldn't gossip with other staff members and like you kept myself to myself. Even though they used to gossip about each other they'd go on nights out to the pub etc.

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DoubleXFemale@reddit

When someone’s face doesn’t fit, it just means there is something about them that stops them fitting in with the in group.

It doesn’t mean they’re “bad”, and may not actually be to do with appearance either.

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

I've never heard this phrase, so that's interesting.

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smallgreenpanda@reddit

This means whether you fit in with the group, but doesn’t relate to physical appearance.

This seems like an odd thing to say though, with a big meeting no-one is saving chairs for others on the off-chance they might turn up. If the chairs are all taken it is because others are sitting in them - were those people meant to stand in case you and your colleague came to the meeting?

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MattDubh@reddit

She means when management stand up, they don't leave your footprints where they were sitting.

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YchYFi@reddit

Not in with the in crowd.

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incrediblepepsi@reddit

She's advising you that both of you aren't part of the "in-group".
Proceed with caution, as it sounds like you hadn't noticed this. You don't want to believe what she says if she is just shit stirring.
You mentioned you took your time walking up. Could it have been that there were no seats left because you were the last ones there?

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Kyrus1996@reddit

I’ve always been told that,, i just thought I couldn’t give a fuck hahah

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

it’s the first time i heard the phrase and it’s not phasing me much i just wondered if there’s something i’m missing lol

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Similar-Weather-8940@reddit

Sounds like if you want a seat you need to get there and like all those that got a seat did.

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

i know lol i’m always early to staff meetings but today i was so uncomfortable and needed a 2 min break before

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Truewit_@reddit

It means that your colleague thinks the other staff don't see you as part of the in-group. Tbh I don't think we have enough context here to judge whether she's right or not. The number of chairs doesn't mean anything if you ask me.

Usually a "face that fits" is all about the difference between management and staff and people who see better progression tend to be referred to as having faces that fit in the management meetings. Again this refers to how the in-group of managers perceive you relative to your peers. Whether they see you as having the potential to be one of them or not.

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sonnenblume_heilung@reddit (OP)

thanks, i get what you mean

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Boboshady@reddit

Basically, you're not 'in' with the rest of the group. That doesn't tie in directly with the number of chairs, but it could suggest that if you were 'in' with the rest of the group, they might have gone and fetched some more chairs for you, but because you're not 'in', they didn't bother or even think about it.

At a more extreme level, your colleague could be suggesting that the 'in' group actively removed chairs, but that's unlikely.

I wouldn't read too much into the chairs thing alone though - you turned up as the last people to a meeting, everyone before you is going to take a chair, it could be pure coincidence that the chairs were gone.

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Lazy-Objective-1630@reddit

It's just who's part of the in crowd and who isn't. We have a terrible culture of "face fits" in our company. Those who's "face fits" can come in when they want, go home when they want, do as little work as they want and nothing will ever be said to them by the management.

Those who's "face doesn't fit" can't have 2 extra minutes on their break without a warning.

Also those who fit will be invited to after work stuff, those who don't, won't.

That's sort of thing.

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