Grew up in Asia, moved to North America, why does everyone here seem so comfortable with self-promotion?
Posted by Mother-Shift-2850@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 31 comments
I grew up in a country where most people just didn't really build a public presence online. Not as a cultural thing, just practically speaking, the average employee didn't have a public account they were actively posting on. You had your private social media, maybe, but putting yourself out there as a "person with a following" was for influencers and celebrities, not regular people with regular jobs.
Moved to North America a few years ago and it's kind of a different world. Feels like everyone has a LinkedIn they're actually posting on, or an X account, or at least an Instagram. And not just casually, like intentionally building something. Especially in tech and AI spaces it feels almost expected.
Still not fully comfortable with it honestly. There's this internal resistance even when I know it's probably useful. Some part of me still feels like it's not really "for me."
Curious if others who moved here felt the same shift. Did you eventually get over it or just make peace with the discomfort? Also genuinely wondering if this is actually the norm here or if I'm just seeing a very loud minority and assuming everyone is like that.
hopticalallusions@reddit
I grew up here and I'm not comfortable with it. I prefer to be the oil and the coolant, not the paint or the loud popping noises.
If it helps you to get over it, don't think of it as promoting you because of your ego. Think of what you can do with your increased position for your family and your friends and your dependents and your subordinates if that self-promotion works. In a social vacuum it is hard to stomach, but in the context of the impact I can have on my IRL social contacts, I find it easier to attempt ocassionally.
Also look up material on the "attention economy" if a theoretical background is helpful. Crudely, this is an extension of "time is money", so if someone is looking at/thinking about/talking about you, that is often literally money in the influencer economy. Just think, with the right amount of followers, you too could attain an extremely powerful government position!
QQBBOMG@reddit
Some people will do so comfortably, I seem to carry that mindset as I moved to Asia as well lol
CleverCrow_1919@reddit
Not everyone likes it. Influencers or “thought leaders” are the minority of people on those platforms. They try to encourage others to do the same. It’s like a multi-level-marketing that way. For many of the rest of us, platforms like LinkedIn are no longer somewhere we want to visit due to the echo chamber of influencers talking to other influencers about being influencers.
FreeFortuna@reddit
I’m American and I never adjusted to it. It’s a cultural thing, and being able to talk yourself up is often considered important for career growth. However, I was never able to do that, and it turned out fine. Just need to find an environment where someone hypes you up on your behalf.
totoGalaxias@reddit
I did academia for many years. Sure you find very bright students and professors doing great work. However, the level of self promotion you have to engage to be noticed is outrageous. I would love to have the self worth to talk as if my work was the most cutting edge thing to happen in humanity.
FarkCookies@reddit
Not sure if everyone is "comfortable" per se, but you grow out of the initial fear of embarrassment. I actually refuse to create an active persona on LI, but not because I am not comfortable with it, but because it goes against my values. For example, I am trying to invest into tech blog, I might do cross posts to LI but I am def not gonna pump my profile with some self aggrandising bs.
pentaweather@reddit
I did full time marketing. Social media is a marketing tool, first and foremost. It is not completely honest to say it is an interpersonal connection tool, despite big corporations want people to believe so.
I never do it for personal reasons. No selfies ever, no announcements, no personal data, nothing. But I feel fine doing it for business reasons. I just see it as mechanical.
I have accounts without any photos. My friends can shoot me a private message any time, and my company wanted me to log in to do research for their promotion.
I also do not care for those who pre-suppose they are already like a celebrity, in order to hope for one day they can become a celebrity in their field. Frankly most people can see through them anyway. In North America there are also a lot of people who are aware of this. They don't blend their real life seamlessly into online presence, so it's fine to feel that social media is cringeworthy, and you are not alone.
The-American-Abroad@reddit
You moved to a country with a different culture. So I don’t know why you’d expect it to be exactly the same as back home.
That said, North America is a gigantic place. It sounds like to me like you’re working in either California or the east coast in the tech industry, which indeed will be filled with the exact type of behavior you’re describing. If you lived in the Midwest, or south, or Appalachia, or many other regions, you’d see a different cultural behavior, most of which is less self-promotional than coastal tech people.
supercheep@reddit
The past couple generations were raised to think everyone was special, that’s my take
mrggy@reddit
Being expected to be able to clearly state your accomplishments is an expectation when it comes to interviews, asking for a raise, etc. The culture is very much "if you don't ask, you won't get."
I think the social media thing is definitely because you're in the tech space. I don't know anyone irl who's trying to become an influencer (let alone on LinkedIn). People do it, but it's far from everyone. How you relate to LinkedIn is very industry specific.
There's zero need for you to turn yourself in to LinkedIn influencer. I would recommend getting comfortable talking factually about your accomplishments for interviews and salary negotiations though
MikeysmilingK9@reddit
Mark this day you decided to self-promote yourself on social media!
throwaway1901phoenix@reddit
I also learned the hard way that the people who self promote are just that-- "self" promoting. They're not necessarily as good as they present themselves but since there's no collective shame, the worst liers and sociopaths seems to thrive in this environment. I don't know how many times I was taken advantage by local co-workers and classmates. Once I realized how toxic some of them were, I was able to make peace with the discomfort. I realized I don't want to become like them at all. I would have to lower my standards on too many things and I'd rather stay a good person than become what I despise. As Asians we are pretty invisible in the US anyways so I use that to my advantage nowadays.
realmozzarella22@reddit
Do what you want. Social media isn’t required.
Social media can be used against you for identity theft, stalking and hacking.
demostenes_arm@reddit
Uh… I suppose we in Singapore are “North American” then.
PhilippineDreams@reddit
Yeah, and Philippines is North America, too.
tres-vip@reddit
LinkedIn is such masturbation and/or a board of serious lapse in good judgement, lol. I feel like all the old farts who were addicted to posting on FB are on LinkedIn now. Seriously, check out the LinkedInLunatics sub, there are some real gems in there, lol
CronkinOn@reddit
It comes at a cost Americans don't see.
We're walking bundles of anxieties, constantly worried about how other people perceive their worth and success. We care far more about appearing successful (and useful, since "useful" means "having value") than being happy.
retrosenescent@reddit
TBH because it's required to do that to survive in the US. It's not a North American thing. It's a US thing.
SeanBourne@reddit
As a North American who‘s parents came from a non-self promoting culture (UK), I struggled with this my whole life, as it’s basically a huge lever on your success in North America… but frowned upon in my parents’ culture, so I was kind of ‘handicapped’ growing up.
Even with the conscious knowledge I should, there’s a huge ‘internal resistance’ (perfect phrase btw) in my mind as well about promoting myself. If it’s part of your upbringing, I think it’s very hard to ever get over.
You are not imagining it, it is the norm culturally in that the culture/environment rewards the loud minority that ’pull it off’ and silently punishes the ‘less loud’, let alone the actually ‘quiet’.
I can only imagine what it‘s like coming from basically a ‘self-effacing’ culture like an Asian one to be trying to cope with things here.
hellolovely1@reddit
Same! My parents were from UK colonies and I really struggle with the self-promotion we're "supposed" to want to do in the US.
theytookallthecash@reddit
American here. If you start now and what you do happens to take off, it can change the trajectory of your life. I've had that happen back in the 2010s with blogging. And I'm having it happen now again with...oddly, blogging.
Most of the things I've tried haven't worked but every 15 years or so, something takes off. You never know unless you try.
Party_Nothing_7605@reddit
I’m from the US and I find it cringey as fuck
Significant-Act-8990@reddit
North America?
Weird
If the United States, keep in mind we elected a REALITY TV STAR - as president, not once but twice. A career criminal, obvious white supremacist, and probable malignant narcissist that has failed at most everything he's tried.... but promoting himself and his 'brand'.
This isn't a coincidence - there is a reason why this is possible. Answer? - we're seriously screwed up here.
DruidWonder@reddit
Hyper individualism + social media has brainwashed people into thinking they are high value kings and queens. Everyone's trying to be a niche celebrity these days and the collective narcissism is so rampant and insufferable.
Sufficient-Job7098@reddit
I have been living in US for 20+ years. My work or personal circle has been different to what you had described.
I don’t doubt your experience, but US is big country with millions of people, many of whom have different priorities, goals. You can definitely pick who you socialize with.
But if you had come to US to grow your career then you may have to follow certain rules and to complete with other driven people…yet you can definitely choose to avoid this path.
Alarming-Papaya2007@reddit
The United States really only values money and nothing else.
What you are experiencing is a direct result of greed, infatuation with greed, and the way the culture worships greed.
It is a sickness.
bedake@reddit
I'm an American and I don't do any of these things... Shit I even delete most of my reddit comments. I agree, it's weird. Honestly I think in the US, we are fed this rugged individualist propaganda since we are kids. Hustle, get rich, buy a pickup truck, build a compound in the woods, or become a famous movie star or rock star or football player quarterback or investment banker and everyone will want to be you. Just the culture I guess, probably part of the reason why we have so many issues.
nichef@reddit
People do it because it works. Exposure / clout = money. Not advocating for the system, I don’t like it either but this is the reason.
starwyo@reddit
The individualistic vs collective mindset. Tons and tons of material out there if you want to look into it.
durga9@reddit
Asia tended to have more of a group mindset, in terms of the whole. But there is little red book which has the exact same self promotion. It’s a sign of the times.
B3stThereEverWas@reddit
Thats just the west in general, and more specifically the Angosphere.
Some people definitely over promote themselves well above their actual value/talent, but theres merit in putting yourself out there enough to be noticed. I've known more than a few people who have landed stuff they never thought possible through their online presence.