what advice would you give the younger generation?

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Acrobatic_Ad_5982@reddit

My advice would be to have a kid when you are financially stable

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

we are financially stable, not millionaires but enough to live comfortably and have nice things

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Obvious_Armadillo_16@reddit

She already has one so my advice would be don't have any more until you're financially stable..

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Fatal-Eggs2024@reddit

I also had a young child when I was in my early 20s.

My advice is to read books together, listen to music together, and keep on reading what your child reads throughout his/her life. Even though we can’t always have as much time together as we like, the shared experiences, stories, and songs support a bond that lasts forever. Stories do a lot of work to tie us together — they are like the muscles of a body of culture. I can’t imagine if I weren’t able to share in the references to characters or events in the books that shaped my daughter’s life!

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

i love books and always have. luckily my little boy has lots of books and enjoys sitting down to read them (well he’s 1 so he turns the pages and looks at the pictures) but i do really want to encourage a love of reading!

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Terrible-Group-9602@reddit

You sound like a fantastic mum!

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

thank you that’s so kind, i’m blessed to have a very easy going son

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Fatal-Eggs2024@reddit

That makes me happy to hear! You both have so much to enjoy together in the years ahead! My daughter has opened many new doors for me through the books she chooses.

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Iwantedalbino@reddit

One of the biggest indicators of a child’s success is their relationship with books and willingness to read. Keep going.

Source: Freakonomics

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HmNotToday1308@reddit

That the shit you see online? It's fake.

Just because someone's child did xyz at this age, slept through never tantrumed etc - they got lucky, there is no magic spend money on this involved.

If you feel like something is wrong - your child is ill or something just isn't quite right - listen to that instinct. It exists for a reason.

I also agree with the ISA - even if it's just a few £ here and there, it's something.

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pajamakitten@reddit

Just because someone's child did xyz at this age,

Just to tack onto this a bit. Even if your child does hit certain milestones earlier than expected, that is no indicator of success later on (and hitting milestones late does not indicate failure in life). I was top of the class, but wet the bed until I was 8 and learnt to tie my shoes at 10. I used to teach and you would always have parents who thought their child was a genius when they were really only average.

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takhana@reddit

To add to this -

90% of people boasting about shit they’ve got on SM are putting it on credit cards or Klarna and have huge debts that they can’t pay off.

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Wise-Pay-8993@reddit

Or some people just earn more money or have a rich background

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takhana@reddit

Very few people who are plastering it all over social media.

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Rich_27-@reddit

Do not gamble Do not play the lottery etc .

If you do want a little gamble look at NS&I premium bonds

You can win a good few quid on there.

But the bonus is that you can get your money you put down, back.

I use the premium bonds for saving for car insurance and emergencys putting in £25 a month, sometimes I win a few quid

But I can't lose as I can get the stake back

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Upstairs-Quail5709@reddit

Find a non-A.I. job like plumber, chippie, sparkies, don't bother getting £70k debt at college.

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LazyBarracuda@reddit

I'd second this! Try to find a future-proof job because so many of us are going to be redundant in a few years.

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Upstairs-Quail5709@reddit

I sent my wife out on "the game" last week. She came home at midnight and triumphantly threw £48.50 on the table. I asked "who paid the 50p?" She replied indignantly "All of them."

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

i’ve always wanted to be a paramedic and do a degree apprenticeship, i’m just trying to get my driving license first

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Briecap@reddit

Don't trust anybody. The only tihng that matters is money.

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star_roving__@reddit

what a depressing worldview

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Briecap@reddit

Agreed. Unfortunately, it is the reality in the hyper individualist, late stage Capitalist dystopia in which we are forced to exist.

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star_roving__@reddit

i get that. but we're not so dystopian that we cannot love and trust

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h00dman@reddit

If you're feeling really rubbish after a bad day at school or work (or anything else), and you're unable to stop thinking about it, try talking to the feeling.

As in, start talking - out loud - to the feeling as if it were another person.

I don't do it when there are others present of course, I do it when I'm alone.

I'll say "Hello Anger, it's nice to see you again. I hope you're having a lovely day! Listen, I get it, I know you're there and I know you're just reacting to something bad that's happened today. You know what? It happened. It's in the past. There's nothing we can do to change what happened and ruminating on it is making me feel worse. So thank you for checking in on me old friend, but right now I'm going to get on with whatever it is I'm doing, and I'll see you later."

I know how absolutely unhinged that sounds but I was taught that by my counselor last year, and I swear to you it works.

I've tried other things over the years like distracting myself from a feeling by walking or listening to music, but that only postpones my reaction to it, which will no doubt done back when I'm lying in bed and desperately trying to sleep.

Talking to the feeling acknowledges it, lessens its impact, and then I can move on from it.

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h00dman@reddit

If you get an opportunity, say yes to it.

It might be terrifying and you'll probably think to yourself that you won't be good enough (and that will very likely be true), but as long as you take advantage of the chance and make an effort to learn you will have a much greater chance of succeeding.

I've known loads of people over the years who have, with the greatest of respect, not really gone anywhere with their careers. They'll complain about how other people have had chances or how they've always been overlooked, but I've literally seen given chances for something better but they've always run away from it, and then told themselves that it wasn't for them or they wouldn't be any good at it.

The opportunity may not be what you wanted but it could improve your chances of success.

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Sharp_Budget_4416@reddit

Open a Lifetime ISA as soon as you possibly can. You can put in up to £4k a year and the government tops it up with 25%, which is basically free money. Even if you can only put £20 in some months, the habit matters more than the amount. The other thing I'd say: the parents you see online who seem to have it all figured out are either lying, outsourcing, or on their fourteenth take of the same video. Nobody has it together, everyone is winging it. Yours is going to be absolutely fine.

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GingerrJinx@reddit

Follow your dreams. I'm following my dreams at 33 after asking why the f was I wasting my life just for money. Your dream pays less? Well, but you'll be HAPPY and won't feel like you're going to work.

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Iforgotmypassword126@reddit

Once basic needs are met and you’re roughly in line with your peers, children really value time spent with them over money (as much as they can comprehend).

My parents had me at 18 and I had a lovely childhood. I knew we struggled for money but we had our needs met and I really didn’t care about “things” until I was a teen.

My parents were really good at rewarding effort and not the outcome (how hard I tried instead of the score I got). They also made it clear that what I did really didn’t matter as long as I didn’t hurt anyone and I was happy with my choices. I grew up with no pressure to be anything and it gave me the space to explore my interests and thrive tbh.

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Downtown-Park131@reddit

I can see in my young daughter already that her favourite things to do are the local park and local libraries. Literally zero spending unless I tack another activity on. Even when I can afford other things, I remind myself to focus on the simple, nice times whilst she is still young

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LazyBarracuda@reddit

They sound like wonderful parents!

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Iforgotmypassword126@reddit

I think because they were younger and hadn’t really started their own adulthood, their view of success was quite broad but came from internal validation I guess. It focused on the type of person you were and how you felt about your choices. Like moral compass type thing.

I don’t know how conscious those things were. I genuinely think it’s just how they live their own lives.

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spaceshipcommander@reddit

There's nothing you can do today that you can't fix tomorrow. What I mean is take risks while you have very little. The most you can lose is everything you have but you can potentially gain much more.

Also start putting money into a stocks and shares isa for your baby now. You might only have £20 spare a month now, but that could potentially be a deposit in 18 years. If you can save £80 to £100 a month for them then it will be for definite.

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Downtown-Park131@reddit

Piggy backing on this comment.... I actually took advice given in several places online to prioritise getting life insurance set up when I had my child instead of an ISA or anything which can come later. Rather than 20quid a month into savings, it's for a huge lump sum should I die before I'm 65. The peace of mind it gave me was actually really big and I hadn't realised it would feel like that. And I'm hoping if I'm still around by then, then I'll have figured out other ways to help them financially.

Places like Money Saving Expert explained it in ways that to me made it an obvious choice

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Sea-Still5427@reddit

You will never have as much energy, optimism and drive as you do now, and you'll never perform better on not enough sleep.

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PuzzledTrainer7297@reddit

Please don't be one of those people that plies their kid with sugar. There's nothing worse than sending a child into the world with a raging sugar addiction and concurrent weight/ body image issues. Involve them in grocery shopping and cooking so they can understand what goes into their food and how to build a healthy plate. Give them a healthy relationship with portions and treats.

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No-Weakness-8063@reddit

Get out while you still can!

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Wise-Pay-8993@reddit

Probably to not have kids so young. Not trying to be rude but kids at 21 in this economy is mental. What made you have one so young?

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

i agree to be honest! i didn’t come from a good background, i was alone at home all the time and i worked 6/7 days a week in retail with terrible mental health. i had no clue of the reality of having kids but it is the best thing that happened to me. having my son has made me change my life completely and we don’t struggle for money, childcare, housing, transport etc luckily. but i’ll definitely wait before having more

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Careless_Soup_109@reddit

I disagree. I am a parent quite a bit older, and I wish I had the energy I had when I was 21 to be active with my kid. You do you!

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

it’s interesting to hear the other side of it! i don’t regret having my son, we both worked full time, we have a house car etc and he has a great life. it’s also motivated me to work on myself and achieve more. i do think it would’ve helped if we lived independently first and had more experience of managing bills and saving before we had him

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Careless_Soup_109@reddit

Yes, huge pros and cons either side. When I was single I had a lot less motivation to work really hard. Now I've less energy but more motivation to put in great work, now I have dependents. I used to wonder : what makes that person so hard working? That person either a) had no life outside work or b) a family to support. At that time, I fell into neither category.

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LazyBarracuda@reddit

I hope it goes well for you! Where I live it's normal to have kids in your 20s, no judgement. A lot of women like me who wait until they are in their 30s have miscarriages and/or fertility issues, so there is no "correct" time.

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JeffreyEpsteinUK@reddit

Save hard assets, stocks, metals, property. As soon as you can.

The rate of hyperinflation is accelerating as the decades pass. Your only escape out of the debt bondage slavery is to be asset rich.

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hippogriff55@reddit

Get small pets (fish, hamsters) when the child is old enough and a friendly, trainable breed of dog when the child is tall enough. A well-behaved dog is a friend even when his parents are not letting him on social media...which leads me to: Limit his social media at every possible moment in favour of genuine, irl social interactions.

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Remote-Pool7787@reddit

Kids don’t need as much material stuff as you might think. Spending time together doing things is what matters, even really boring things. Watch some of the shows you enjoyed as a child. The more they experience, the more they learn. Only use screens to keep them occupied on very limited times occasions when you absolutely need to.

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Great-Activity-5420@reddit

You're doing the best you can.

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Unique-observer@reddit

If you have a son, don’t constantly belittle and say negative things about men in front of him. Even if you think he’s not listening, he’ll pick up on the vibe and it’ll affect him when he gets older.

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OfficalSwanPrincess@reddit

Try not to stress so much about money, the most important thing with your child is experiences, so going to the park and having fun and being present is key.

On finance, if you're able to squirrel away even a few quid a week into a global index fund you'll reap the benefits in your 40's and be able to help your child and yourself with finances.

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Formal-Ad-2636@reddit

Make the most of being part time, do so as long as can if you're financially better off. Enjoy spending time raising your child. When they're 18 you'll go into full time, and mourn the part time life. Have a think what you'd like to do when full time and gear your jobs around building experience. Stay confident in yourself and abilities outside of just being a parent. Don't ever let anybody convince you you're too old to do anything. Learn to drive if you don't already. Lean on family and friends if you can. Pick a good partner. Stay active and busy, and build your social circle. When the child is grown up you'll want other people to do things with.

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Nook-Incs-Pet@reddit

I had my first child at 21. I’m now in my 40s and have a stable career as a nurse (health visitor).

My advice for you would be to be ambitious. Draw up a 5-10 year plan on what you want to achieve long term for yourself and your child and how you’re going to get there.

I would also advise that everything you do now will influence your child and will create the foundation of who they will be as an adult. It’s your responsibility to make your child the best adult you can at the end of their childhood. Make them feel stable, secure and loved. Read to them, be present, play with them, keep strong boundaries and smother them with kisses and cuddles every single day.

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Mikon_Youji@reddit

Don't believe everything you read or see online, always try to be kind to others, don't be a nuisance in public.

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garlicmayosquad@reddit

Don't feel pressure to fit in. The world is a messy place. I would have tried to stay single, and traveled the world earlier and find a way to keep that lifestyle going as long as possible.

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ShinyHeadedCook@reddit

Have your kids around 25yo. I did. Meant you could enjoy your younger years then you pretty much have your life back by 40

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SaintPepsiCola@reddit

Don't care about what other people say.

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Rough-Sprinkles2343@reddit

Read to your child. Get them interested in reading from a young age.

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msrch@reddit

Have boundaries with your kid, but you don’t have to be mean or nasty when you enforce them.

Speak to your kid with kindness. Tell them everyday that you love them.

Do cheap fun things. I bought a hammock for £6 off Temu and we go out for a picnic once a week with no phone for me.

Get outside everyday. Give them chances to make mistakes, it’s how they learn. Support them when they make mistakes.

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Lazy-Letterhead-7203@reddit

Try find a partner or get back with your ex.

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SufficientBox3389@reddit (OP)

me and my sons dad have been together nearly 4 years i never said i was a single mum

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Minute_Parfait_9752@reddit

I'd have actually given the opposite advice.

If you're with the partner of your child, don't take any shit. It's 100x easier being a single parent than dealing with a vampire 😂

I've made the decision to not get involved with anyone until my daughter moves out and she's in reception at school so.. yeah 😂

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Tommy_Tomba@reddit

In that case. Be a team. Never compete with each other, about anything! Talk, never argue. If you both genuinely want what's best for you both, and your wee sprog, you'll overcome everything.

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Twinkubusz@reddit

Lol

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Lost-Actuary-2395@reddit

Don't be so eager moving out, there's no shame in living with your parents until you save up for a deposit, especially in this economy.

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Ok-Use-1666@reddit

Play outside. Read books. Listen to music. Help cook. Create art. Plant flowers. Care for a pet. Visit old people. Only use the internet or screens for school work. No social media. Parents shouldn’t use the television or phone or anything of the kind as a babysitter.

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Available-Spray2576@reddit

Save your money

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MintyMarlfox@reddit

Make sure you pay as much as you can into your pension.

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AssumptionBudget279@reddit

I’m 30, take opportunities you are given, don’t waste them. I ended up waisting an opportunity I had for four years, I now have taken it but I wish I’d done it sooner, I’d have so much more time to enjoy the oportunity if I had.

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Illustrious-Air-7777@reddit

Think carefully about what you’re spending on: that cute leather jacket for £400? It’ll be outgrown in months. The splash out party to impress the mums at school which cost the best part of a grand but your child was too freaked out by the noise and the costumed entertainers to take part or even eat the fancy birthday cake is pointless if they hated every minute.

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Serendipity_Shadows@reddit

The older they get, the easier it does become. Kids don't need the most expensive stuff all the time, second hand is just as good. Don't feel guilty if you have to say "not today darling" if they want something. But try to make something work if it's something they need. Invest in decent school shoes, but don't break the bank with them until their feet stop growing every other month. Boys can and will destroy school shoes in a matter of days.

Save what you can. Even if it's just a tenner a week, it all adds up. Try and have a buffer amount for "worst case scenarios" Have a separate account for all your bills (rent/electric / anything that's DD etc.). On payday, put the amount needed to cover this in that account - file and forget really. Everything left is your food shopping / fun money.

Take time for yourself, just because your a mum now doesn't mean your life is over. 1 thing a month for you, I thing a month for them. Or if budget is tight, alternate each month who gets a treat. It doesn't have to be expensive. Make "mum" friends. Keep "non mum but kid friendly and practically auntie/uncle" friends. Both will support you.

And one thing that's different to when you were me 15 years ago: don't compare yourself to influencers / content creators online. They do t have their shit together, they probably get paid to have all this wonderful stuff or are trying to sell you snake oil. Will a shark stain remover change your life (probably, tbh I do want one), but a bottle of vanish / other stain remover and some elbow grease works just as well.

There's probably loads I would of done differently, but that's the power of hindsight for you!

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