What am I gonna tell the wife when she gets home?!?!
Posted by Hollywood-Quiet@reddit | Firearms | View on Reddit | 153 comments
Just got off the phone with the wife, told her I bought another gun followed by an awkward silence. Even still, I think she's expecting something normal and not this god awful monstrosity! Oh man.. I really did it this time!
Javad0g@reddit
You're going to tell your wife:
" Sweetheart, we're going to have to move your chair over to the left or right just a touch"
Joshypoo928@reddit
Don't say anything. Act like its been there for years
machu505@reddit
"It's a crew-served weapon. I got it for US!"
TheEvilBlight@reddit
“It’s Star Wars” (but actually-)
BoilerRoom6ix9ine@reddit
Tell her to grab a shovel because this fortified position isn’t going to dig itself
According_Pop5379@reddit
Robocop was in town and you got a deal!
Kindly_Region@reddit
That you got a 3rd mortgage?
pokeblueballs@reddit
It's an investment honey, it's already gone up in value. And it really ties the room together
JustShootingSince@reddit
“His nam is Ivan and he will live in our bedroom “ 😎
Gr144@reddit
Ivan? More like Hans
sea_5455@reddit
Hans is the perfect name.
MarvinHeemeyersTank@reddit
Ho, ho, ho. Now I have a gun.
JustShootingSince@reddit
Jawohl!
FctFndr@reddit
It was on sale for 25% percent of.. Does she KNOW how much you SAVED buying it now, while on sale!!!??
thedrizzlefoshizzle@reddit
“Honey, remember when we had a bunch of money? …. you’re definitely gonna find this funny!”
15_Years_Then_Banned@reddit
She obviously has impeccable taste.
The green accessories on your MG34 match the room perfectly.
She’s probably going to love it!
AlohaAirsoft@reddit
Zis is a maschinengewehr, it gewehrs maschinen.
ChadofGiga@reddit
Hello fellow Burial Goods enjoyer :)
DTKeign@reddit
HoHoHo now I have a machinegun
ThomasEspresso@reddit
"They gave it to me!"
radiationofficer288@reddit
It’s a telescope
flatfour40@reddit
To get out?
Downtown-Classic497@reddit
"It was on sale!"
SwanMuch5160@reddit
I always use the On Sale aspect to minimize the purchase. But I saved (insert amount here) by buying it today.
lawshunts@reddit
I’ve “traded” for so many guns. My wife doesn’t have any idea what’s in the safe. It’s just a bunch of guns to her. I’m cooked if she ever starts counting lol
TheInevitableLuigi@reddit
"One of man's greatest fears is to die and have their wife sell their guns for what he told her they cost."
Destroyer1559@reddit
Yeah OP, you actually saved money by buying it on sale! Hit her with that girl math, she'll understand
Kurbin@reddit
How much did that set you back?
AlarmingDetective526@reddit
Do you want the real number or the number he’s going to tell the wife? 😂
Kurbin@reddit
Hahaha the real number. I’m assuming it’s the cost of a new car, right?
Hash_Tooth@reddit
Well they won’t be making any more of these I don’t think.
I know there are some mg42 derivatives in service.
Imagine the ammo cost though. Something like this has a crazy rate of fire iirc.
jmizzle@reddit
While the odds are low, there’s always the risk the registry gets opened up again.
Current machine gun owners are some of the strongest advocates against getting rid of the registry because it would kill the value of their MGs
Animaleyz@reddit
And the pperfect place for it is right smack dab in the middle of the living room
cakesalads@reddit
I'd say I'm very honest with my partner. But sometimes you gotta bring out the ole "I know babe, $200 is a lot to spend in one go, but I just had to get it!"
AlarmingDetective526@reddit
yeah, sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet 😂
FabiusBill@reddit
Yes.
Quizzii@reddit
Honey you know about all the savings we HAD ? Well...
smallmonzter@reddit
Any damn thing you want. Lol
No-Wrangler3702@reddit
'look Honey, the green drum mags match the decor!'
NastyBlkGuyThrowAway@reddit
"Free will comes with some downsides"
Mission_While917@reddit
If she’s smart she will just cook dinner and wait until you offer to show her how it’s loaded. Then you guys go have some great family fun!
Big_Z_Diddy@reddit
Tell her it's an investment.
Now tell me...is it neutered? Please tell me it isn't neutered.
_Thick-@reddit
Tell her what? Why?
It's not like she can approach your position now. Not without cost.
Ace_-of-_Spades6@reddit
I mean I'd say you are definitely prepared to take her on... you've got a mounted machine gun.
harmospennifer@reddit
Halt?
Senior_Hovercraft_33@reddit
Just sick.
BurningRiceEater@reddit
Dont worry bro, ill be your wife
Kooky_Aardvark_5965@reddit
*Ex wife.....
WarPig115@reddit
You just need to tell her that you two are an MG family now.
Quadrenaro@reddit
Nothing. You have a mounted machine gun now.
HCHawke@reddit
"Hi hun. This is our new emotional support machine gun. His name is Fritz."
dirtystreetlevelshit@reddit
On the fritz again!
Sharp-Jellyfish8790@reddit
Tell her it's hookers and cocaine or this.
Jgibbjr@reddit
Hand her the spotting scope, and simply say, "Range me".
KushKingKyle@reddit
Fancy looking coffee table :)
marc_879@reddit
Say nothing. Act as if it’s been there the whole time.
AmpedupFit@reddit
"Let's see how long that neighbors dog barks tonight "
snowballs_gsp@reddit
“They gave it to me”
Electronic-Split-492@reddit
Whatever you say, it will have to be in German.
misfitofscience76@reddit
That an elite group of Soviet and North Korean paratroopers have invaded your town and you need vengeance
Successful_Link4541@reddit
Trigger broke =. now go buy one of those "rat-tat-tat-tat", "brrrt", or "dakka-dakka-dakka" type
gearmantx@reddit
No more pesky drones in our neighborhood, now she can sunbathe in perfect calm...except for sporadic MG fire.
Thebeerguy17403@reddit
It was on sale you saved $500
PopperChopper@reddit
Ask her how much the plants cost
seattleforge@reddit
FEED ME THE BELT!
AZ_sid@reddit
"You are soooooo pretty."
ogwoody007@reddit
"Say hello to my little friend..."
Qu3ViveZapat0s@reddit
"we were robbed!! those sick fucks took your Grandma's linens and left this ......"
Deathcrush_@reddit
that?, oh it was like 100 bucks.
drteq@reddit
Just pretend it's not in the room with you
HamImplants@reddit
The chainsaws were out of stock.
Animaleyz@reddit
Hey honey, you know how we were trying to save money for the kids college eeducation? Well, I have some bad news....
Gwsb1@reddit
I beg to differ. If your kids are little, you got it covered.
Soapyhandjob@reddit
It'll protect her plants
Bynairee@reddit
Tell her the house is more safe and secure than yesterday.
HybridP365@reddit
A redditor that can afford a MG? This is a trick question. You clearly don't have a wife.
Additional_Dish_694@reddit
Okay brother, it ain’t good. I’m going to suggest a mental zigzag strategy. Just leave it set up. Let her find it. She scream. You go “honey are you alright?” She ll be like what the fuck Mike what is this shit
You play it cool. Be all “ah gorsh honey it just a funny lookin old historical firearm hyuck hyuck.” Imagine you’re Goofy and oops you’ve Goofed again!
Otherwise it’s the old I-can-hear-“them”-in-walls routine, and well…
ryeemo@reddit
It's a investment piece.
LucidandConvoluted@reddit
"They gave it to me..." anytime she ask why just keep saying that. Works 60% of the time...
Ultrasuperbro2@reddit
"THE BEACH IS SECURE."
exitrowhere@reddit
Tell her the neighbors will not be a problem anymore.
Imissyourgirlfriend2@reddit
Mount it to a steady cam rig and add a motorcycle grip.
sea_5455@reddit
Think that was a 42 not a 34, but damn fine Aliens reference.
No_Vast_549@reddit
Say whatever you want. You gotta MG to back it up. lol
azurianlight@reddit
When gas gets to high she'll thank you
SakiwasipiSpirit@reddit
“No time to talk! We must hold the Danube!!”
McCl3lland@reddit
Just hand her a Kpot and say "Let's go!" and run. If she humors you, you don't have to explain shit!
whatapunk95@reddit
That someone gave it to you for free, and it would be rude not to take it. Or say nothing, you have a MG34, you make the rules.
EmergenSeaBarber@reddit
The last part ahahahh. I love you that’s funny
Humdrum_Blues@reddit
Hide it in the garage and call it car part or something lol
lt_dan117@reddit
Tell her it's for her for whenever Susan comes over for sugar again
bwatski@reddit
Better hide that sum bitch
PepperidgeFleet@reddit
Take solace in that fact that she chose to marry you. She’s a grown woman, she knew what she was getting in to.
fuppedduck2@reddit
It’s a red panty night. Just have the steaks and wine ready when she gets home
m_t13@reddit
"Set the divorce papers over there, don't feel bad. I understand."
SnooDoodles6060@reddit
Go on, feed me this belt
Proof_Independent400@reddit
Slap a helmet on her and yell that you need an assistant gunner! GO GO GO!
UseACoasterJeez@reddit
Tell her to flank left while you lay down suppressing fire, of course.
nanneryeeter@reddit
Old timey army training video.
"It's bark is worse than it's bite!"
superquin@reddit
😂😂😂😂
le-churchx@reddit
I mean, if you know how to load it, nothin
Ronthe1@reddit
Art piece
Littletrainguy@reddit
Home defense!
MrSt4pl3s@reddit
Holy tits, is this a 34 or 42? Because either way it sexy
feraldreamrot@reddit
That she should post on some of the interior decorating subreddits.
DrtySpin@reddit
Tell her to get to the bedroom, you're going to need some kids to properly run this thing!
Wildcard556@reddit
Well they didn’t just give it to you, soo….
AdvantageDizzy2716@reddit
“Smile, you’re on candid cannon”
superfuzzbros@reddit
Just do this OP, it’ll work out fine
Source: trust me bro
BrettNoe@reddit
Now, you’re safe honey, you are completely safe.
Zippo963087@reddit
Say nothing, it's barely noticeable.
Animaleyz@reddit
Just slide it under the couch cushion
Zippo963087@reddit
Put a sheet over it and you have yourself a sweet fort. Make a sign that says "No Girls Allowed"
WTFisThatSMell@reddit
It fallowed you home
Crash_override87@reddit
So babe you know how you wanted to retire early? Well I got something cooler.
Brandflakerson@reddit
hi
Cumminpwr11@reddit
My go to is I’ve always had this and you don’t pay attention.
Mr_E_Monkey@reddit
I think it really ties the room together, don't you?
Key_Drawer_1516@reddit
This old thing?
RogueBulwark@reddit
That it was the doctor, who suggested it.
glocks_4_dayz@reddit
Better to ask for forgiveness than permission
Devils_Advocate-69@reddit
Tell her you promise you’ll feed it and take it out.
gun_is_neat@reddit
She's probably got more shelves than you do guns
I'd say it's a fair trade off
sasquatchxlit@reddit
You tripped and fell onto it into the house
Eastern_Control4375@reddit
Well tell her this is not a gun....its antiaircraft inventar for living room Hahaha NICE VERY NICE "TOY " YOU HAVE Be nice with your lady
Ach3r0n-@reddit
Point this at the picture window and I bet solicitors will run before they even ring the bell.
DumbNTough@reddit
That you are now successful tech investors
Ps3godly@reddit
“The gun was cheap honey, but I just had to get the matching tripod”
DangerBrewin@reddit
Budda budda jam!
UnitCell@reddit
Here is what you tell the wife, in a very self ensured tone: "Ich habe das Maschinengewehr zu einem solchen Schnaepchen bekommen, dass ich nicht habe nein sagen koennen!"
Jobhater2@reddit
It's hers... after we form a trust.
Deathcat101@reddit
just tell her you bought a seccond house god damn.
slightly-upset-hippo@reddit
"Check this shit out"
MakersOnTheRocks@reddit
“I’ve always had that one”
Amazing_Study4845@reddit
What is it ?
autismo-nismo@reddit
Investment
risbia@reddit
What, that thing? I've had that forever
Amazing_Study4845@reddit
I have no idea what it is. But ITS COOL AS FUK. WOW!
Brilliant-Flower-271@reddit
Tell her you founded in the attic. An actual attic is not required.
WonderSql@reddit
Your friend Burt Gummer stopped by and dropped off a gift, just in case you run into any problems.
rmfox0726@reddit
You got her new furniture!
Procks85@reddit
I'd just yell "upham ammo God damnit!" As soon as she walks in
JayKaze@reddit
Tell her, "You're welcome. The zombies are NEVER getting in here."
SR_gAr@reddit
That she can go back to her boyfriends house
Somersetkyguy@reddit
your welcome is what i say. now i can protect you from x(whatever the gun is good for)
RegNurGuy@reddit
Upgraded home defense
wwhijr@reddit
You have a machine gun you don't have to explain anything
blacklassie@reddit
"Huh. Someone left this is in our living room. Finders keepers I guess."
brainygeek@reddit
It fell off the back of a truck, I swear.
Ruthless4u@reddit
What do you mean it’s not normal?
You hurt its feelings and it’s coming to live with me now. I will never say such hurtful things to it.
ProfessionalLab6501@reddit
Whatever you want. Who's gonna stop you now?
KeyedCivic@reddit
Tell her the allies are coming and we need to defend our village
Redtacoman@reddit
That Poland doesn’t stand a chance?